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[Click]
[PEARL]
Last night, I dreamt I was stars.
(Lengthy silence, punctuated by deep breathing)
Um, Grian gave me this recorder after we talked. He told me to talk about my experiences. Apparently it helps him feel better, when… things get to him. When he notices things. I’m not going to do the statement intro, though. That’s silly.
But… um. Last night. Last night.
I don’t remember falling asleep, even though I must have been sleeping.
I remember standing on my balcony, staring up at the sky. The moon was there again, too big and too bright, staring down at me, reaching down for me. It’s always full, in these dreams. It never seems to get any bigger, but every time I see it, I have the sense that it’s closer than it was.
I don’t know what’ll happen when it reaches me. I don’t know why I’m not as afraid of that as I should be. I’m still scared, though. I’m still very, very scared. I don’t know why this is happening. It was still… manageable before the incident at the Institute, with the darkness, but now it’s gotten… worse. Or… I don’t know if worse is the word.
The moon reached down for me, and I reached back, and this time my fingers were able to just barely brush it. And when I did, I felt… empty, but not. Like everything under my skin had been torn away to make room for something else. Something so much greater. So much bigger.
So much brighter.
It felt like I’d just… come undone, like some string that had been holding me together as a person just snapped, and something huge and empty had- had slipped in to curl around all the scattered pieces of me, and fit right back into place like nothing had changed, even though everything had. It didn’t hurt, but... it felt like it should have. I think it would have been better if it had.
I’m scared. And I’m- I’m still scared about not being as scared as I should be. I never look away from the moon. I think I could, now, if I wanted to. I don’t want to. I see it when I close my eyes.
(Absentminded humming)
(Mumbling, half-audible) Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars…
[Click]