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It was an average day for Doctor Michael Morbius (also known as Morbius). It was also known as Thursday (named after the God of Thunder himself, Zeus). Now, this was also not an average day for Doctor Michael Morbius, who goes by Michael, and sometimes when he is the Morbius form, Morbius–it was the day he had to assassinate Vladmir Putin.
You may ask why would Doctor Michael Morbius assassinate Vladmir Putin? Well, it’s simple. Michael is a misunderstood doctor/man, but Vladmir Putin is a very evil person who has done at least one war crime, maybe two. This, according to the Tribunal, cannot be tolerated.
The room was rife with conflict and smoke, as this was a smoke filled room. The Tribunal, who cannot be named on an individual basis, all sat behind a large podium like some kind of fucked-up hydra but everyone was a wrinkly-faced old person. They spoke in unison and with a Canadian accent. “Doctor Michael Morbius, we have a mission for you: defeat Vladmir Putin.”
“I do not accept this call to action,” said Mike.
“Very well, then we must remind you that defeating Vladmir Putin aligns flawlessly with your character’s internal motivation which you have not acknowledged yet.”
“I reluctantly accept this call to action,” said Micky.
The action was called into the next scene, where Michael Morbius stood in the country of Russia holding only a knife and also a bag of crisps (he had a layover in the United Kingdom). Now, normally a fight like this would involve hunting down Vladmir Putin and making him confess to his crimes. However, Vladmir Putin was also on a pleasant walk to the store to also purchase some картофельные чипсы. Vladmir liked the salt and vinegar flavor, but because Michael Morbius is technically the point of view character, we shouldn’t actually know this since this entire story has been in the limited third perspective so far. Sorry about that, won’t happen again.
Vladimir Putin, knowing the world famous Doctor Michael Morbius knew immediately that he was in danger. Because of this he called his cyborg bear power suit known only as Medved. Vladimir fused with Medved immediately becoming a Mechanized Bear-Human Hybrid, or MBHH.
Mikey, however, had ulterior motives. The motive to become Morbius.
“This where I would say my catchphrase, but as this is Russia, no one can understand what I’m saying,” said Michael.
“I understand English,” said a nearby babushka.
“Well then, it’s Morbin’ Time,” said Michael Morbius.
“He’s… he’s Morbin? Impossible!” exclaimed the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, who also knew English but frankly couldn’t be bothered to speak it until this very moment in time and space.
Doctor Michael Morbius morphed into his alter ego: Morbius. The transformation was done in a way where the animation could be repeated from episode to episode as this is the highlight of the show and we only have a limited budget to make this work.
As the ultra-vampire Morbius, Morbius punched Medved Putin. Many blows were exchanged in a way that made the Ruble’s rate as an international currency seem like a simple affair. Bear punches and bear claws met Morbius punches and Morbius claws. Eventually, Morbius wrapped his arms around the back of the MBHH and he sank his fangs into Putin.
Putin did not respond.
“Impossible, I’ve Morbed you right in the neck,” said Morbius.
“But you see, I have no blood to suck. For I am also a vampire–a metaphorical vampire,” said Vladmir Putin in a Russian accent.
There was no hope, no hope at all to defeat Vladmir Putin without the power of Morbing. Morbius, however, knew one one last trick. He fought Vladmir Putin for several more hours until it was daybreak. As Vladmir Putin was a metaphorical vampire, he was instantly defeated by the sunlight. Meanwhile, Morbius had already made his way back to the Tribunal.
“I have defeated Vladmir Putin,” said Morb.
“You have done well. As it is now Friday, you may enjoy the weekend,” said the tribunal. “Every week.”
Yes, that is right. This was the origin story of the weekend, which was not brought to you by unions or labor or collective bargaining, but instead a vampire which is an allegory for capitalism I’m pretty sure.
In any case Morbius demorbed into Mike and enjoyed a Hard Lemonade.