Archive of Our Own

It all starts to become strange when Nandor wakes up that night. Guillermo has to watch him like two times, then another four after cleaning his glasses again and again and again. 

What the fucketing fuck?

Nandor doesn’t have dark circles under his eyes. He always had dark circles under his eyes, like any other vampire Guillermo has known in the last 11 years of his life, right? Guillermo isn’t completely sure at the moment, maybe he never had it and he just noticed now. Vampires can’t change their physical appearance after all. 

But then again, why does his master’s face seem so weird all of sudden?

“Guillermo,” Nandor calls him, impatiently “what are you looking at?” 

Your fucking eyes Guillermo thinks, but decides to keep it to himself. “Uhm– nothing, master,” he replies “I was just– uhm, I was just thinking. Personal stuff,” he adds, knowing Nandor finds this kind of stuff pretty much boring. 

Sadly, it works. 

“You are allowed to think in your free time, Guillermo, not when you’re dressing me for the night. I don’t want to wear things that don't match with my skin or my eyes.”

Guillermo sighs, Colin Robinson has recently explained to Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo what seasonal color analysis is, and now the three of them have been obsessing him with this shit, like they don’t always wear the same three colors anyways.

“You know, I don't think a bodyguard’s job is to dress their master for the night.”

Nandor scoffs “And how can you know? With how many bodyguards have you talked to for saying such a thing?” 

Another sight. “No one, master.”

“Exactly what I thought.” 

Guillermo eventually forgot about the dark circles.

Then, the night after he almost drops his dinner.

“Fucking guy!” Nandor exclaims, reaching him in his bedroom “Why didn’t you wake me? I had to dress up by myself.”

“It's early,” Guillermo responds quickly. Then he shakes his head, that’s not relevant at all. What’s relevant right now is that Nandor’s face looks a little brighter than usual, his skin is a little less pale than it was fucking yesterday. “Master,” he starts, unsure, “are you feeling well?”

Vampires can’t catch diseases, right? He isn’t certain, he thought no until literally a minute ago but honestly? It could be anything, I mean they thought that ghosts didn’t exist when in fact they do, maybe there are some things vampires could catch, like malaria for humans. Maybe Nandor was bitten by some sort of mosquito monster? But where and how did that happen? 

“What a stupid question, of course i’m feeling well. I have never felt so good, actually.” Nandor replies, talking like Guillermo was insane.

“B-but. Your skin,” he tries, desperately.

“What about my skin?”

“It looks different. Didn’t you notice?”

“And how can I?” Now Nandor begins to sound annoyed “I can't watch myself in the mirror like you little ego-fragile humans.” 

Guillermo wants to point out so bad that he could just look down at his own fucking body but he knows Nandor wouldn’t have listen. He never listens when he’s annoyed. 

“Ok, but– come with me.” He takes his hand without thinking and drags him under the stairs to Colin Robinson’s room. He doesn’t even knock, just pushes Nandor in. Colin Robinson, eyes on his computer, doesn’t seem to notice.

“Ehm ehm,” Guillermo coughs.

“Yes?” Colin Robinson replies, without even looking at them.

“Nandor’s sick,” (“I am not, Guillermo”) he asserts, “look at his skin. He has to be sick.”

“Yeah, surely, Nandor’s sick.” Colin Robinson confirms, blatantly, he still doesn’t look at them.

“You are not even looking,” Guillermo points out “I believe he caught some sort of mysterious disease. I mean– look at his face.” 

Colin Robinson turns his head, gives Nandor a quick look, then returns to his computer. “Yeah yeah, Guillermo. Whatever you’re saying.”

“What are you doing, Colin Robinson?” Nandor asks, before Guillermo could say anything.

“Dinner.” Colin Robinson replies. 

The two of them can’t resist the urge to look at the monitor: a flat-earthers’ blog.

“Oh, for G— someone's sake!” 

The third night, finally, the vampires begin to take Guillermo seriously. It was a matter of time, really.

Laszlo is taking a portrait of Nadja in the fancy room while Guillermo is cleaning up the mess of their recent dinner when Nandor walks in, looking like a mess.

“I can't drink blood”, Guillermo stops immediately, dropping the legs of the last dead man Nadja has eaten.

“What do you mean, you can’t drink blood?” The woman echoes, without moving from her unnatural pose.

“Are your teeth hurting again? Remember, in 1976, when you eat that man, with all that sugar in his blood?” 

“It was fifteen years ago, my love” Nadja corrects him, without blinking, shuting Nandor up immediately.

“That man had never seen a teeth-doctor in his whole life,” Laszlo adds, continuing painting.

“Nandor wouldn’t shut up for days. Oh, my teeth hurt.” Nadja lowers her voice and starts to imitate Nandor’s accent. “I'm hungry, I want to eat. Laszlo put some blood in that glass and help me drink with a straw! No, I want the blue one, I hate that green color. Laszlo, throw away all the stupid colors, I want the blue straw! and now here we are, with the bloody climate change and all the bloody straws in the bloody ocean. Thank you so much, Nandor!” Nadja hisses, showing her fangs.

“What do you mean you can’t eat blood, master?” Guillermo asks again, looking worried at his master, after glaring at the other two vampires, whom, for his sake, didn’t notice.

“It tastes horrible and there’s something very wrong with my teeth,” Nandor sighs, putting a hand on his mouth, like he wants to hide something.

Guillermo tries to speak, but Laszlo precedes him again. “It’s the fucking sugar, I told you.”

“It’s not the fucking sugar,” Nandor explain exasperated “It’s the teeth!”

“Master.” Guillermo begins, firmly “Show us your teeth,” he starts to feel that something very, very wrong is happening. Nandor hesitates, not a good sign. “Please, master,” Guillermo tries again.

“Fine” Nandor gives up, puts down his hand and then opens his mouth, revealing – two perfectly normal pairs of human canines. A second later, the chaos. 

“MIERDA!”

“NANDOR, WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“Stay back old chap, it may be contagious!”

“Is it that bad?” Nandor asks, with panic in his voice.

“Really, really bad. It is so bloody wrong” Laszlo could not even look at him.

“What the bloody hell did you do?!” Nadja is screaming so loud it surely gets the attention of all of their neighbors.

Guillermo is simply without words. “It can’t be possible.”

“Maybe it will all be back to normal tomorrow morning,” Nadja tries, not entirely sure herself “I mean, the other time his teeth grow back.”

“But this time, my dear, it’s already done. He has the teeth, he just has the WRONG FUCKING KIND OF TEETH!”

“Stop talking like I’m not even in the room!”

“What should we do now? Is he dying or something? Guillermo tried to warn Colin Robinson about malaria but he didn’t listen and now we are all doomed.”

“He’s not dying,” Guillermo shouts to get their attention. Everybody quiet for a moment, looking at him in panic. “We should ask to The Guide, I’m sure she kno—”

“Hello” Guillermo jumps, The Guide is right behind him. How the hell did she do that?! “Have you called me?” She asks, smirking at him, while fluttering her eyelashes.

Guillermo coughs awkwardly. “Yes. I think— we think Nandor has something wrong.”

“Let’s see,” The Guide vagantly says. She starts to study the vampire, walking around him, looking at him from head to toe, paying attention to every single detail. Or at least, that’s what it seems. “Mh, that’s funny” she affirms, at last.

“What is it?” Nandor asks, holding his breath.

“Go looking in the mirror,” she orders, like it’s the normal thing to do.

Nandor doesn’t object — another bad sign, Guillermo thinks. He follows him, like he usually does from almost 12 years. 

The thing he sees in the mirror is probably the most terrifying of his entire life. He sees himself, his reflection, and right at his side, there’s Nandor. The Vampire turns his head, looking behind him, like he’s expecting to see someone else.

“What is it? What do you see?” Nadja asks, while holding her husband's right arm. 

“There’s a ghost inside the mirror” Nandor explains to them, pointing at the figure with his finger “and he’s imitating me. Fucking guy, that’s very immature.”

“A ghost?” Laszlo echoes, uncertain, sharing a worried look with his lady wife. 

“That’s not a ghost, master,” Guillermo’s voice breaks. How is it even possible? What the hell is going on? Who or what did this to him? Why didn't he stop it from the start, like he always does? “That’s your reflection,” he states, shaking his head and turning back so he doesn’t have to look at it anymore.

Nadja and Laszlo gasp, The Guide nods silently, Guillermo takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Nandor continues to look at his reflection with suspicion.

“Don’t be silly, Guillermo,” he mocks him, at some point “I’m a vampire, I don’t have a reflection.”

“I believe you are not a vampire anymore,” The Guide corrects him, with a disgusted voice “I believe you are a human now. Even if I don’t know how it is possible, I’ve never seen such a thing — and I’ve seen literally all of the things.”

Nandor shuts up, then he starts to touch his own face, his cheeks, then his nose, his mouth, studying his reflection doing the exact same thing.

“Is it contagious?” Laszlo asks without taking away his eyes from his friend.

“Are we doomed?” Nadja sighs “Is it a vampire type of malaria?”

Guillermo snorts, he can’t believe his ears. 

“It’s not a disease, there’s no such a thing for vampires” The Guide replies, annoyed.

“The witches, then. It has to be them!” Nadja tries again, like Guillermo she can’t look at Nandor’s reflection. She feels like she’s about to vomit.

“Possibly?” The Guide doesn’t seem sure.

“It worked,” Nandor interrupts them, with suddenly charm in his voice “it fucking worked!”

“What?” They all ask, in unison.

“My treatment. The treatment to become human again. It worked, and you all were saying I was being stupid and my brain was washed. Ah! In your faces! ”

It could be? But how? Guillermo knows that woman was scamming his master from the start, he also finds out that a lot of vampires have disappeared recently and most of them were seen at the Wellness Center for the last time. And Guillermo’s the only vampire slayer of the town, so it must mean something. 

But then he looks at Nandor. He looks at the shine of his face. He looks at the bright of his eyes. The color of his cheeks. 

He reaches him, determined. He takes his hand, looking right at his wrist. “What the f—” Nandor starts.

“Sh.” Guillermo shuts him, concentrating. It’s there. He can’t believe it, but it’s really there. “Your pouls” he says, with a whisper. He can literally feel his Master's heartbeat. It is still vague, but it’s there. “Listen yourself.” He says, while reclutating leaving his strangely warm hand, moving away from Nandor. He starts to feel hot, suddenly he can’t breathe, he needs some air. Guillermo exits the room, like he was running for his life.

“That’s a lot of energy,” he heards Colin Robinson voice behind him, “what did I miss?”

After two hours of just walking and thinking, Guillermo returns to the house, without having figured out what to do with the Nandor’ situation. That’s actually pretty irritating, he doesn’t know what it’ll happen next. I mean, Nandor was supposed to turn him eventually, and he was supposed to serve him, or better, to stay at his side – probably for the rest of his fucking life. 

But now Nandor’s a human. So he can’t turn him. So they can’t live eternity together. Not that’s somehow the point, still Guillermo can’t help but to think of that. 

But then again, maybe Nadja was right. Maybe the witches are onto something. And if not them, someone else. Someone Nandor has pissed off in the past. A curse can be broken. Because it has to be a curse, there’s no other logical explanation. 

He finds Nandor sitting at the couch, alone, probably waiting for him. Or not. Guillermo has to stop being delusional.

“Where’s everyone?” The former familiar-slash-bodyguard asks, looking around. 

“Sleeping,” he sounds already pissed, hopefully not with Guillermo, “hunting, fucking, dying. I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Guillermo nods trying to be supportive. “Mhhm. What happened?” 

“Nadja says that she can’t be in the same room as me because I make her sick, but I say I can’t be in the same room as her because she. makes. me. sick!” Nandor remarks every word hitting the couch. 

So. An usual Wednesday night. He hasn’t lost too much. “Ok, and what about the— other stuff? Nothing new?”

“I already told you five minutes ago!” Nandor snorts.

“I wasn’t even here five minutes ago!” Guillermo didn’t mean to raise his voice in that way.

“What do you mean you weren’t here? Of course you were, I was talking to you, you silly.”

“I was out for like two hours!”

“Oh. So who was I talking to?”

Guillermo’s not in the mood for an argument right now, although, does Nandor usually talk to him when he’s not in the room?

“Never mind, master,” he frowns, is he still allowed to call him that way? Nandor doesn’t seem to notice, maybe he’s expecting for everything to stay as normal as possible. Not sure if every other member of the house is on the same page as him, though. And how could that be possible, anyway? Laszlo and Nadja are supposed to be up at night while Nandor is supposed to be sleeping. And then again, Guillermo doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, staying up until morning, helping Nadja with the Vampiric Council? Or be the bodyguard of Nandor during the day? Something tells him he’ll never see his bed again.

Speaking of which.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping, it’s late.”

Nandor looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “It’s not late, it’s 3 am!” He sounds like a baby.

“It’s almost four, and you need to sleep during the night time now, or your body will collapse.” 

“That’s bullshit.”

“That’s how humans work.” Nandor doesn’t reply, instead, with a perfect and unbelievable timing, he yawns. “See, you’re tired. And I’m tired too, let’s go to bed.” 

He tries not to think about the fact he sounds like he was inviting him in his bed. And that’s absolutely not what he meant. Not that he has never dreamed about it or he doesn’t want it. But. You know. Not the best thing to reflect on right now. Or ever. Cálmate, Memo.

He then realizes, while watching Nandor heading to his room, that they have another problem. “Wait!” He stops him “You can’t sleep in your coffin.” Of course he cannot, damnit. How the fuck is Nandor supposed to breathe down there? Fuck. The not-a-vampire-anymore seems to understand right away what he’s saying. And they say his master is that dumb. Guillermo curses himself for thinking that. “You can sleep in my bed tonight,” again. Not. What. He. Meant. “Tomorrow we will figure out something.” Or even better, everything.

“And where are you sleeping, then?” Nandor sounds almost like he’s sincerely concerned. “Your bed is too small for the two of us, and I’m cold now. You’ll surely take all the blankets and leave me to ice up.” There we are. Guillermo feels the mental breakdown incoming, he wishes the cameras were there so he could at least hide his grimace from Nandor.

“It’s fine. I’ll sleep on the chair. But just for tonight.” He says, most to himself, hoping that the new day will bring everything to the normal.

The new day eventually arrives but, of course, nothing has changed. 

Guillermo wakes up suddenly, almost falling to the floor because of that fucking chair. His neck hurts, his shoulder hurts, his back, his legs and obviously his butt hurt. He never wanted to kill Nandor so badly. 

He raises his head and stands up, stretching a little. He then turns to wake his master but froze. Nandor isn’t in his bed. Nandor woke up and decided to not call him — or at least, move him from the fucking chair to the bed so he could sleep better and most importantly, confortable. Fucking rude. 

He lets himself mentally curse the man for at least a minute, then starts panicking because he isn’t with him, assuring that everything is under control and no one is trying to kill him. 

He rushes, fortunately he hasn’t changed last night so he doesn’t have to waste time to put some new clothes on. And it’s for the best, cause he finds Nandor standing exactly before the door, like he’s about to go out.

“Wait,” he calls him, getting his attention “what are you doing?”

“I’m going out!” Nandor announces, excited, clapping at his own words to emphasize. 

Alone? Guillermo thoughts, worried and a little offended. He asks instead “Where?”

“Out!” Nandor repeats, showing him the door like it was put there while they were sleeping. Then he starts to reach the door handle, and Guillermo simply loses it.

“Wait— DON’T!” He places himself between Nandor and the door, with open arms, blocking the passage. “You can’t go out like this!”

“Like what, is it my clothes?” Nandor asks, blinking with a perplexed expression.

“No, not the clothes. Not entirely at least. You can’t go out in the sun, remember?”

Nandor, in response, starts laughing. “Don’t be silly, Guillermo. I’m not a vampire anymore, you heard the Lady Guide.”

“What if she’s wrong?” He doesn’t even try to hide the panic in his voice. I mean, protecting Nandor is his job, his duty, in the end. It’s not that strange if he worries.

“You’ve seen my reflection, my teeth” Nandor points, rolling his eyes.

“What if it’s a trick?” 

Nandor snorts “Well, in that case we'll find out in a second. Now, move” he orders, putting a hand over Guillermo's shoulder, like a warning.

“No.”

“Guillermo,” he calls him, with a calm voice, still, brutal. Years ago, Guillermo would have felt on his knees, terrified, in front of those empty eyes, the eyes of the old conqueror, the one who had slaughtered villages, burned cities down, destroyed everything he wanted just for fun. Old Guillermo would have looked at him in horror, praying he wouldn’t kill him too. 

But Guillermo is not that person anymore.

So. He simply put a hand on Nandor’s, looking firmly right into his eyes. “I said no.”

“You know I don’t like to repeat myself.” Nandor is fast, a power he hasn’t apparently lost during the night. And he’s also still very strong. He needs just a moment to push Guillermo away from the door, but the guy manages to block him anyway, holding him by the shoulders. “I don’t want to fight Guillermo, I want to go out!” He succeeds  to slip off his arms and, before Guillermo could’ve anticipated, he opens the bloody door and steps in the sun.

Guillermo closes his eyes, he can’t stand the vision of Nandor dying.

But then, his voice reaches him. “Open your eyes, Guillermo, I’m fine,” he says softly, a completely different person from the one who stood before him a second ago. Guillermo obeys, with relief; Nandor is smiling at him, head at the sky, enjoying the warmth of the sun for the first time in 700 years. “Look!” He then says, waving his hands “I’m glowing! Like Edward!”

Guillermo smiles back “Yeah, well, Edward was literally sparkling tho.”

“And I don’t need to use glitter anymore for that,” Nandor jokes, and this, for some reason, broke Guillermo’s heart. He’s a bad person, he knows that, he’s the worst person. He’s standing there, watching the most important person of his life being truly happy for the first time in decades like he said to him not so long ago, and he feels heartbroken. Because with Nandor’s path changed, Guillermo’s one has to change too. And he hates it. He doesn’t want that. He likes his life, he loves it, he loves what he has, he doesn't want to let it go away. Or let him go away.

“Maybe we should go find – what was her name, the Vampire from the Wellness Center,” he suggests, but Nandor’s already walking down the street, not listening. A thing that will never change, apparently. 

But Guillermo hasn’t time to feel angry or pissed, not when a fucking bus is literally directed to Nandor, who of fucking course doesn’t pay attention nor to the street, nor to the klaxon who tries to warn him.

“NANDOR! WATCH OUT!” He doesn’t even know how, maybe he was able to fly this whole time and he didn’t know it, but he actually reached Nandor in time, crushing on him and then on the ground. 

The bus passes, the driver cursing rightley on them. Guillermo realizes Nandor’s face is literally two inches from his, his heart misses a beat.

“Guillermo!” Nandor shouts, like he wasn’t almost hitted by a bus. 

“I’m sorry,” Guillermo says, without thinking, while standing up. He then helps his master, deciding that, no, he’s not sorry at all. “Do you even realize what just happened?”

“Yes,” Nandor replies, cleaning his clothes “you jump on me and throw me to the ground. Look at my clothes!”

“You were almost hitted by a fucking bus. I fucking save you!” 

“I don’t need to be saved by you, it was just a bus. I can’t die.”

“Yes. You. Can. That’s literally the only rule you need to know to survive more than 5 minutes as a human.” Nandor huffs, which pisses Guillermo off even more. “I can’t believe you were really going out all alone, you don’t know how the world works during the day. It’s risky, and I’m your bodyguard, and I can’t believe you didn’t wake me up. Why didn’t you wake me up?” Dios mío , he sounds so ridiculous and pathetic. But Nandor doesn’t really seem to mind. Instead, he says 

“Didn’t know if I had to wake you, or if you had to come with me at all, now the situation has clearly changed.” 

Ouch. 

Guillermo sighs, looking at him softly. “You could have just— ask me, you know. I’m your friend.” 

For some reason, Nandor seems relieved. “Can I do it now?” He asks, awkwardly. Guillermo couldn’t hide a smile. He nods. “Want to come with me? And be my bodyguard even if I’m not a vampire anymore?” 

“Of course, always.”

They smile at each other, the time stops for a moment.

Maybe it won’t be the end of the world, yet.

Fortunately, the day goes on without further incidents.

Nandor wanted to walk a bit to discover the secrets of the waken Staten Island, Guillermo took him to the nearest park. They feed the ducks at some point (“Guillermo, I think that one is actually smiling at me. Can we bring her home? ”) and eventually rescued a lost dalmatian puppy and reunited him with his owner (“I can't believe you're cuddling a hellhound!” “He's not a hellhound, he's just a puppy.” “So you say the last time! ”). 

The sun is about to set when they get home. Guillermo looks at his watch, Nadja will wake up in a couple of hours and fill him with paperwork to sort out. Silly of him to think he could rest a little.

“Guillermo?”

“Yes, master?”

“I think my tummy is trying to say something.”

“Say that again?” At the same time, the loudest growling Guillermo has ever heard bursts into the room. “Oh. Fuck. When was the last time you ate something?” Guillermo was hungry too, now that he pointed it out, after all they didn’t eat for almost 24 hours.

“Do you mean, other than blood?” Another growl. “Shit.”

There is not much to eat at home, Guillermo had never thought of cooking something very elaborate, he had tried it the first few days as a familiar but then he had simply given up on that. There is something sad about cooking and eating alone, every day, for more than 10 years in a row, he thinks.

The idea of having to cook for Nandor, anyway, warms his heart a little. Too bad there are only instant noodles and various pre-cooked meals in the kitchen. “Uhm, there's not much in there, but I'll go shopping tomorrow. For now, we have to arrange with those.” He takes out two packets of broth noodles and shows them to Nandor.

“Are worms in there?!” Nandor exclaims, pointing at the picture on the pack.

“What, no! It's just noodles, trust me, it’s good.” Nandor doesn't reply, rather he sits on a stool near the counter and watches him silently as he boils some water. It is strange to see him in that kitchen, Guillermo believes this is the first time ever he has even set foot in there. For some reason, he doesn’t seem completely out of place. On the contrary, he’s relaxed, his face is calm, his eyes are following him.

They stare at each other without saying a word. It’s strange. But in a good way, if it’s that possible. They never did something like that since they have known each other, aided by the fact that there always has been some sort of crisis to sort out. A virgin to find for dinner, a ghost emergency, an orgy to organize, an old lover to get rid off. 

They have always been too busy to even just sit quietly, doing nothing. Just staring. Thinking. Dreaming.

There are so many things Guillermo wants to tell him, he never had the courage, or the time, to open his heart to his master. Maybe he never will. But in his dreams, a moment like this would’ve been the perfect one.

But there are too many things to clarify, to resolve, first. 

Another time. Just — another fucking time.

He coughs. “It’s ready!” Guillermo announces, interrupting the atmosphere. He then serves the broth noodles in two bowles, handing one to Nandor who looks at it suspiciously.

“It still seems very wormy,” he states.

“Just try it already!” Guillermo laughs a little, starting to eat to encourage him. Nandor takes a bite, then another one, and another and another. Guillermo can’t really tell if he’s enjoying it or if he’s only very hungry. “Don’t eat so fast, you could choke.”

“You always worry too much,” he mumbles, mouth full. 

“It’s part of the job, right?”

“Right. The job.”

Is there a sort of disappointment in Nandor's voice or what? Guillermo doesn't even have the time to wonder, Nadja's voice suddenly reaches them.

“‘ERMOO! ”

Nope. Uh-uh. Absolutely not. It’s too soon. It’s dinner time. They have a deal. No work before 9 pm. He decides to ignore her, continuing to eat.

"GIZMO!" Laszlo, this time. Guillermo shakes his head. He’s also sure that Nandor is studying him. “Gizmo, my beautiful lady wife has been calling you. Where the fuck are you?”

Guillermo sighs. “I have to go or they won’t stop complaining for at least two weeks.”

“It’s not fair,” Nandor notes “we’re eating and also you’re my familiar. Not theirs.”

“Not a familiar.”

“Still. You’re mine.”

A shiver runs up his spine. What. the. actual. fuck. 

Guillermo looks at him, eyes wide open. Nandor is eating from his bowl, now, doesn’t seem to really mind him. Why does he always have to say something like this? Without even realizing it? 

“Right,” he comments, “uhm – right. Listen, I’ll probably be occupied the whole night, you can have my bed.”

“It’s fine,” his master replies, after taking a sip of broth. “I’ll sleep in the guest room.”

“We have a guest room?”

“Of course.”

“With a bed in it?”

“Yes?”

“Then why am I sleeping in there!” Guillermo points a finger in the direction of his bedroom. Nandor looks perplexed.

“Because where are the guests supposed to sleep, then?”

Guillermo starts to swear in spanish, while Nadja and Laszlo begin to call him again.

This family will drive him mad.

*

Shopping with Nandor has always been a special experience since the beginning and that day is no different at all, just even more – exhausting. 

This is already the fourth time Guillermo has to remove multiple boxes of cereal, chips, ice creams, instant noodles, ice creams, pasta, soft drinks, ice creams and more ice creams from the shopping cart. 

Nandor has apparently decided to make up for all the 700 years he has lost in one day, and Guillermo doesn't have the heart to stop him or tell him they don't have enough money with them to pay for 57 tubs of vanilla ice cream, not when he saw him so enthusiastic and excited about something like he hasn't seen him in a long time.

“Guillermo?” He calls him from behind a shelf of various snacks “what about this one?” He shows him some kit-kat “I saw you eating that one day, on your day off.”

Did he? Did he pay attention? Guillermo is speechless. “Uhm, sure. Why not.” He replies “Oh, we also need milk” he adds then, thinking out loud.

“I’ll go get you some!” Nandor exclaims, leaving him the overflowing cart: the perfect opportunity to put some things down – really, just a few – without hurting his feelings.

And that’s when he sees her.

Jan.

The vampire from the wellness center. 

In the grocery.

In broad daylight. 

Oh, this is so fucked up.

Jan sees him and, in response, hides behind the nearest shelf. Yeah, right, like she could really get away with it that easily.

Guillermo is quick, pushing the cart and moving in the opposite direction, he manages to cut her off.

“Oh, fuck off!”

Jan doesn't look good at all. Sure, like Nandor she has a more– more human skin tone, and yet she looks like she's aged a decade since he last saw her. She hides her eyes behind a pair of sunglasses, keeps her hair pulled back into a messy tail, wears clothing one pan larger. She looks completely different from the energetic vampire who had brainwashed his master.

Still. Guillermo doesn't feel pity for her. 

“Now you'll tell me what the fuck is going on.”

She looks at him surprised “Why, is the same thing happening to Nandor?”

“That's none of your business,” Guillermo replies, firm, clenching his fists.

“That's right, isn't it?” She laughs, looking relieved. 

“Again. What the fuck is going on?”

“I don't know what the fuck is going on, you stupid human” she snaps “I wake up like this one night and it's been a nightmare since then.”

For someone who scammed vampires and tried to inspire them toward a more human life, Jan doesn't seem so ready to give up on the benefits that being a vampire brought her. The fucking irony. 

“This can't be happening for no reason. Or do you want to tell me that the journey to become human again has actually worked?”

“Oh hell no!” Guillermo is relieved, “it all began when i restarted with the – how did you call it, the journey. New vampires came to the center, they are humans too, now. Of course they believe the process worked because they’re all so stupid.” Jan really is telling him everything so easily, isn’t she? That means she doesn’t have anything to lose anymore. Or maybe she wants him to help her because she’s that desperate. “You know, there was this guy, some time ago, he sort of… cursed me. And the center. I can't stop thinking about him. Although everyone started to change after the— vampire accidents. on the roof. I don’t know if you heard of that.”

She then looks pondering, lost in a memory, perhaps looking for an explanation or a hope to hold on to. And Guillermo does the same. Because this is good, really. This is great. It is really a curse, he could actually do something now, he could find the way to break it, turning everything back to normal. God — it’s fucking great.

Jan seems to reconsider something, she looks at him, licking her lips “Tell me, is Nandor here?”

“No.” Guillermo pronounces quickly, looking at her, grimly.

But as usual, the timing. “Guillermo!” Nandor's voice reaches them, yelling from somewhere “I can't find the human milk and I've looked everywhere!”

Jan smiles, Guillermo simply loses it “You'll stay away from him” he lowers his voice and looks at her threateningly “I don't care if you're human now, I still know vampires who would be happy to eat you for what you did to Nandor. And if they don't, you know what, I'll just kill you myself.”

With that, he walked away from her, cart in hand, hurrying to reach his master before the two of them had a chance to actually see each other again, the last thing Guillermo needed at that moment.

“Oh, there you are,” Nandor greets as he reaches him in front of the dairy section.

“Humans don't drink human milk, master,” he explains to him, pretending nothing has happened a moment ago, “but I like soy milk at the moment, anyway.”

“Perfect, we'll take 9 bottles!”

*

In the following three days – or better, nights – Guillermo tries to tell Nadja and Laszlo about his encounter with Jan and, most importantly, what implies about Nandor’s condition, but the two of them make it impossible. Nadja hisses every time she hears his name, so Laszlo starts to complain because he irritates her.

He knows both of them are equally hurt, stubborn and determined to avoid their feelings or share their worries about Nandor, still, it’s exhausting. He hoped he wouldn't have to do all the searching on his own.

Guillermo’s in the big council library for most of his freetime, night and day, studying every page of every book. There are a lot of notions he’s learning, his old teen self is literally screaming seconds by seconds. Too bad that nothing of what he’s finding out it’s of any use at the moment.

“Can’t believe they don’t poop” he exclaims, tired, at some point, closing the last volume he brought home when The Guide wasn’t paying attention.

He then looks at his phone’s screen: it’s 3 pm already, but maybe, if Nandor doesn’t need him, he could sleep for a couple of hours. Only a couple of hours, so he can recover some energy.

He sees him in the yard, clearly paying attention to the porch, hands on his hips. Guillermo decides to reach him, just to be sure he doesn’t need him for the rest of the day.

“What are you watching?” 

Nandor jumps, caught off guard. Ah, no super-hearing anymore, he can’t predict his arrival and, Guillermo knows it, that’s annoying for him.

“Those tremendous creatures!” His master exclaims, pointing to a specific spot. Guillermo follows the track with his eyes: a wasps’ nest.

“Oh, wow” that’s the first time he sees that, how is it possible? “I’ll take care of it later, if it’s not a problem of course.”

“Perhaps I could do it!” Guillermo gasps.

“Uh – don’t worry. I’ll do it myself. Later. Give me two hours, ok?”

Nandor looks at him offended. “You think I can’t handle it.” Here we are.

“Not what I meant,” Guillermo replies quickly “but, you know, it’s what I do during the day, usually. Take care of the house and everything.”

“I used to burn down entire villages, little guy!” Nandor doesn’t even listen to what he was saying, tipical “People prayed for me to not kill them. I can handle those horrible creatures”

Guillermo sighs “Okay, then, I'll go get what we need. Just – wait here.” 

He’s returning inside, thinking at where he must have seen the insecticide last time and most importantly cursing Nandor for being so obstinate. He could have waited for two hours, goddammit. And everyone knows that it's easier to do this kind of stuff after sunset. Wasps sleep during the night. And with cold temperatures. Wait a second – but they are in the middle of the winter, wasps die in the winter. Or hibernate. Or whatever.

So the nest wouldn’t be a real problem.

But when he turns to say that to Nandor, he finds him taking a shovel – the one Guillermo used to bury a body some nights before – and using it to hit the nest.

“Die you monsters! Perish by the hand of Nandor the Relentless!”

It happens in a second. The largest and darkest wasps Guillermo has seen in his life, come out visibly angrier. 

“What the f–”

Nandor continues agitating the shovel toward them, maybe he succeeds in striking some, but they’re too many, and, of course, they strike back. “Ow – die! Ouch, terrible creatures! Die!”

“Master! Just run inside!” Guillermo literally screams on the verge of a mental breakdown. Maybe he’s a terrible bodyguard, but being chased by wasps is literally one of his worst nightmares, he can’t help but hide behind the door, waiting for Nandor to come inside. But Nandor is literally running everywhere in the courtyard, hitting every insect who stings him.

“Guillermo!” And this is all the cry for help he’s gonna get.

“Sigh, I’m coming master!” Guillermo hurries to just get him for christ sake “OUCH!” Of course. Wasps are now coming for him too. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. “Hurry!” He screams again pushing Nandor inside the house and then slamming the door. “Fuck. Those things can’t be normal, look at my arm!” He says, checking the arm that’s already starting to swell up.

“Of course they are not,” Nandor replies like it’s so obvious “the witches sent them because you didn’t bring them my semen yet!”

“And how the fuck do you know that?” The both of them start scratching themselves at the same time. Shit shit shit shit. Fucking wasps.

“They told me, that’s why I wanted to kill them before they killed all of us!”

“Fuck,” Nandor face’s a terrible shade of red, his lips doesn’t look good “run to the car, we need a doctor.”

Nandor is silent in the car, on their way home. Guillermo drives while occasionally checking the man in the passenger seat, “Dancing in the Moonlight ” playing on the radio — one of Nandor’s secretly favorite songs. He doesn’t even move his head, following the beat. That concerns Guillermo.

“You okay?” He asks, in a worried voice “Do you have any symptoms again?”

“No,” Nandor replies, simply.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

That’s odd, the last time he heard Nandor replying with monosyllables was when Nadja made fun of his hula hoop. But Guillermo has done nothing wrong, now, or at least he doesn’t think so.

At the hospital he never blamed him for what happened, even if the doctor was very pedantic on that matter – and Guillermo honestly understands the man, I mean, it’s not every day you get to treat magic-wasps stings. Fortunately for them, the hydrocortisone cream was still effective. 

“Your face is not that bad, now” Guillermo tries to joke, just to tease him, waiting for any reactions, but Nandor shrugs, looking at the street. “I hope wasps aren’t waiting for us anymore.”

Still, no answer.

Ok, fine. Message received. He hasn't slept in 24 hours for this shit. If Nandor has a problem, he’ll find a way to resolve it without him.

The sun’s already down when they arrive home, great, Nadja’s sureelay up and ready, waiting for him. He grows to himself walking to the door, Nandor notices.

“You can take the night off,” he starts, with such a low voice that Guillermo thought he imagined it “and tomorrow too, take it as an order.”

“Why?” He asks in remand, hopefully he won’t regret it “Nadja will not be happy.” He doesn’t know why he adds that, just wants Nandor to talk to him. Geez, he’s not a teenager anymore, what the hell, Guillermo?

“How many times do I have to say it? You’re my bodyguard, Nadja doesn’t really need your help. She’ll sentence two or three vampires to death and be okay.”

They both stay silent for a moment, in front of the door, Guillermo with the keys in his hand. He doesn’t move because he clearly sees there is something else Nandor wants to tell him, so he just waits.

The man opens and closes his mouth many times, he’s finding the correct words, his mind never worked so hard. His face is somehow hurt, Guillermo still doesn’t understand what the hell he did wrong.

“That doctor gave you his number,” he says, at last.

Guillermo raises his eyebrows – wait, what? “Uhm – yes?” He asks, confused, scratching his head. That is the problem?

“Just checking,” he doesn’t look directly to Guillermo, “I believe you’ll be occupied, these days, then – too bad, I’ve buyed some tickets for that red windmill’s show you made us watch some years ago. I suppose I’ll go by myself.” 

“You’ve buyed Moulin Rouge’s tickets?” Guillermo’s voice came out a little too high than he intended to “When? How? ” Okay, but not really the main focus “What do you mean, I’ll be occupied? Doing what?”

“But doing that doctor, of course!

The surprise and the complete shock doesn’t prevent Guillermo from blushing, damn his catholic education. “Are you joking? Is this one of your attempts to joke?”

“I don’t attempt, my jokes are always funny,” Nandor replies, insulted. Guillermo’s eyes twitch. 

“But why did you say that?”

“Because it’s obvious, I’m not stupid,” but what is obvious?!

“Is it for the phone number’s thing?” Guillermo’s baffled. He doesn’t understand if Nandor is just complaining like a spoiled child who sees his plans ruined by someone else, or if – but, no. It’s not jealousy. Obviously it’s not jealousy. Not in that sense anyway. Nandor’s used to considering him like one of his things, like a toy or a pet, and so doesn’t like to share him. Not that this is the case. “The doctor gave it to me in case the symptoms were coming back. That’s all!” he realizes how it sounds, but it’s true. Again, it does not happen every day to cure magic wounds and the man wasn’t very convinced by their explanations. “And we’re fine, now, so no need to call him.”

“So, you’re not going to do him?”

“Nobody is going to do anybody definitely.”

Nandor doesn’t even reply, eyes fixed on the door, like he’s expecting to see it opened by magic. Guillermo can’t hold himself “Are you –” then clears his throat. Are you jealous? He really wants to ask that, he’s dying for wanting to ask him that, but words die in his mouth. He can’t say it, he can’t hope for it. “So. Moulin Rouge, uh?” He wonders if Nandor even knows that’s his favorite musical.

“Yes,” he replies, almost relieved about the change of the subjects “Colin Robinson had to work really hard and drain the people that buyed the last front row seats.”

“The front row?!” Guillermo could literally see himself wagging his imaginary tail like an excited dog. 

“For tomorrow's matinee show. That's why the day off. So, you can decide if you want to spend it with me, and go to see the red windmill thing, or if you prefer spend it with that dumb doctor.”

Guillermo rolls his eyes “Again, I’m not going to ask that man out, Nandor!”

His name came out of his mouth before he could even realize it, and it feels so natural, and it feels so forbidden. And yet he wants to do it again. And again. For the rest of his life, or eternity. But Nandor seems like he was slapped in the face, he looks at him with eyes wide open, and he’s – is he shaking a little? He seems worried, afraid.

He seems – seems like he’s having some sort of panic attack, honestly.

“Are you okay?”

“There’s something –” he murmurs, a hand now on his chest, thoughtful, agitated. It’s just for a moment, though, next he’s already looking at him with his usual majestic leader’s expression. “I'm hungry, Guillermo, open the door so you can cook something for me.” He orders at the end, and Guillermo, as always, obeys. 

At the end of the day the only thing he really wants is to literally collapse on his bed, it doesn’t matter how uncomfortable it is, he’s so tired that he’s certain he would fall asleep before his head could actually touch the pillow.

But it’s just when he gets under the covers that Nadja enters in his closet- I mean, bedroom

“Oh, Gizmo!” She starts, greeting him, while he jumps in surprise. “What are you doing in bed?” She asks, outraged, “I made a list for you, there are some vampires who are swearing to have seen an alien stealing things from them. You have to go investigate.”

Aliens are fucking real now? No, you know what- nothing can really shock him anymore. Yes. Of course aliens are real. It makes a lot of sense. “I can’t,” he replies, “Nandor gave me the night off. And tomorrow, too.”

Nadja shows him her fangs, insulted. “Nandor can’t do that, you’re not his familiar-slash-bodyguard now he’s not a vampire anymore.”

“Well, actually… he’s not a vampire for now.”

Oh, Nadja seems suddenly interested in the subject. “Explain yourself.”

Yes, that’s exactly what I was trying to do for days, for Christ’s sake! But he keeps that complaint for himself, beginning to tell her about his encounter with Jan.

“So, that sneaky bitch told you there is a way to break the curse, am I right?” She asks, impatiently holding her breath.

“Not exactly, but I mean. There must be a way, right? Now we know it is a curse and curses can be broken, right?”

Now the woman looks at him in disgust, first, then almost pity. “Oh, you stupid little monkey,” she exhailed “what do you think, we all are living in Cinderella’s world? Want you try to kiss Nandor good morning and see if he wakes up as a vampire again?” Guillermo really fights the instinct to correct her with the Cinderella/Snow White thing, since he wants to live another day. “A curse can’t be broken, that’s not how it works. Don’t you think I would have done something with my husband’s stupid hat in that case?”

“But that’s different!” Guillermo replies, irritated.

She smiles a little, mocking him “In what way?”

He doesn’t know how to reply, he’s not the expert when it comes to witchcraft’s stuff in that house, for God’s sake! But, if Nadja, with her past with actual witches, thinks there is nothing left to do about Nandor… but, no. Nadja is wrong. And The Guide is wrong. And Jan can go to hell. It was all her fault, anyway. She scumed and killed vampires, if she wasn’t human now, she would be sentenced to death by the Vampiric Council, and Guillermo would have been there, and he would have guaranteed that. 

Especially when Nandor is the victim of the story, he has nothing to do with it. He was brainwashed and all. It’s not fair that the curse punished him too.

But, he understands that’s not how curses work.

Still, it’s not fair.

He has to continue looking for a solution, studying every book of the library. 

“Anyway you can take the night off, but tomorrow I need you to do some stuff for me” Nadja suddenly brings him back to reality.

Guillermo, still staring into space, replies “I can't, me and Nandor-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! You and Nandor this, you and Nandor that. You’re becoming quite annoying, Gizmo. You know that, right? With Nandor out of the game it is up to me and Laszlo the choice to not kill you and eventually turn you into a vampire. Do not forget it.” And with that, she goes away, furious.

Guillermo sighs, Nandor wouldn’t have liked that rant. He then realizes that the three vampires – or better, two vampires and a former vampire – haven’t been in the same room since the mirror incident. The fucked up way vampires have to handle such a delicate situation. Same as Nandor depression. If only the entire house would have been a little more understanding and open toward him, nothing would’ve happened by now. They all would’ve been happy. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, Guillermo really hates the vampire lifestyle. He promises himself he’ll never forget what it meant to be human, and dealing with emotions. Then, finally, he falls asleep, dreaming the same old dream, him and Nandor, both vampires, just traveling the world together.

*

That evening is the quietest the house has seen in years. A snowstorm actually helped it, even if there aren’t a lot of things to do inside the house, Guillermo has already cleaned up every room and read the four books he has bought home from the library. The research isn't going anywhere, but he doesn’t want to give up. Not yet.

He looks up to observe Nandor, on the couch with his pc, bored. He doesn't know anything about his intention to break the curse, well, he doesn’t know anything about the curse either, and Guillermo feels guilty about it. He knows that the more he waits the more is worse, but everytime Nandor proposes some new activity,  a Broadway matinee show, a walk, a movie just released in the cinema to see, a chess game like the old times..

Guillermo has to admit that mortality is not so bad if it’s spent in this way. Maybe he has just to let go, accepting this new life, accepting the fact that Nandor the Relentless could be happier as a human than as a vampire.

If only he was sure about the last part. He knows the best thing is certainly talking to him, discussing the matter, confronting him about their future, or at least trying, sharing wishes and fears. But talking is the scariest thing for both of them. Probably all of their problems start because of that.

“Guillermo?”

“Que pasa? – Uh, sorry, what is it?”

“This vampire has a huge crush on this werewoman but nobody seems to mind.” Not the werewolves again, Guillermo hoped he got rid of Gail for good

He goes sitting on the couch close to him. “What are you watching?” He asks, looking at the computer “Is that Joseph Morgan – hold on, how do you even find this?” Not sure if he’s more shocked by the fact Nandor’s really watching The Originals, or that he actually succeeds on playing something on Netflix without any help.

“Colin Robinson recommended it to me and now I see why: it’s all fucking wrong, there are no such things like those rings they are wearing, vampires can’t go under the sun in any case. And those fucking guys, they say they are the originals vampires but you met The Sire and he really doesn’t look like this Klaus guy.”

Guillermo really tries not to laugh for Nandor’s indignation toward that silly trashy vampire series. It’s actually quite cute, another thing he doesn’t dare to say out loud. “You know it’s all fiction, right?”

“Of course I know it, but it's still so disrespectful for us! It’s bad publicity!"

Us. Did Nandor really call himself a vampire? Maybe not everything is lost. “Do you realize the same thing happens in Twilight, right? Edward goes to school and everything?” Has Guillermo ever mentioned how much he hates the fact he started to really enjoy the saga? I mean, in a non ironically way? What happened to the boy who used to disrespect those movies?

Nandor mumbles something, he doesn’t like when someone blasts Twilight, or points out all the incorrect things about vampires shown in the movies. Laszlo used to tease him on that subject like a lot. Guillermo misses those moments too. Even the fights, and all the drama. And he’s sure it’s the same for all of them. If only they weren’t so incredibly stubborn.

Guillermo looks right at the computer, the Mikaelson guy is saying his iconic quote, Always and Forever, before one of the classical tragic moments of the show, when everything shuts down. The computer, the internet, the light. Shit, not a blackout. 

“What the hell – what kind of sorcery is this?” Nandor jumps on his feet, angry. “Guillermo, give me my sword, witches have crossed the line this time. I need to know what will happen to that vampire-wolf baby of them” oh God, please, wasn’t Twilight enough? He could not stand the bingewatch of another trashy vampire story. Not even for the iconic Joseph Morgan sexy british accent.

“It’s not the witches, master,” and they really made fun of Nadja for blaming the witches for everything, huh? “Just the power got cut, I’ll go check the generator, ok?”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Uh, alright. Fine.”

It’s a strange feeling to be in the basement again. Guillermo was locked in that cage not so long ago and Nandor — well, too. He’s probably thinking the same, but doesn’t say anything. Maybe he’s really over it and not at all angry with them anymore. Guillermo fights the impulse to give him another explanation for what happened, he was just doing the right thing for him, they all were. He really needs to stop feeling sorry about that.

“So, the basement. Lots of memories, uh?” Colin Robinson just comes out of nowhere, or maybe he’s been following them along the way and they simply didn’t notice. Fucking guy!

“Fuck!” They both scream, alarmed. Colin Robinson never mind them, hands in his pockets, eyes to the cage that’s still there for some reason.

“Hello!” he says, at last “Need a hand?”

“No, thank you Colin Robinson, we’re fine.” Nandor replies, looking directly at the generator. “So, we just have to connect these wires —”

“No- NO! Don’t touch anything!” Guillermo literally screams at him and Nandor steps back, looking alarmed.

“Why? What is it?”

“Just- it’s dangerous if you don’t know what to do. You could electrocute yourself.” The problem is, neither Guillermo knows what to do. Strangely, in his 12 years in the house, he never had to deal with blackouts, and back to his mother’s house, she was the one doing the job. Shit, that’s how he dies, then.

“You know, about 400 people are electrocuted at home each year, resulting in more or less 200 deaths,” Colin Robinson says. “We can say that four people die from an at-home electrocution every week. In fact, about 78% preventable injury-related deaths occurred in homes last year. Of course, common injuries concern falls and poisoning. You won’t believe how many people die, every year, because of a fall.”

“Not now, Colin Robinson!”

Okay okay, o-kay. It won’t be that hard, Nandor’s actually right, he just needs to connect the correct wires. In movies the red one always means death. But movies are always conveniently catastrophic for a reason, excessively dramatic. Although, movies are right about vampires and other monsters, so maybe they’re right about the red wire. The problem is, there is not a single red wire in front of him. Guillermo sees a black one, a yellow one and, for Nandor’s joy, a blue one. Thanks for nothing, Hollywood.

“Okay so, I believe these two are the ones!” He says, trying not to sound uncertain, while taking the wires in his hands.

“Let me do this” Nandor responds, with a soft voice. Guillermo glaces at him, surprised; Colin Robinson stares at both of them, remaining absolutely silent.

“Why?” Guillermo asks.

“It was my idea. I said we have to connect these things and so I must do it.”

“Well, it’s not really an idea if that’s how the generator works.”

“Stop mansplaining to me, I know how it works.”

“I’m not- that’s not what mansplaining means, master.”

“Ah! You’re doing that again.”

Guillermo looks at Colin Robinson, hoping for help, but the guy’s eyes are already blue. “You really have to feed yourself now?” He can’t control himself but sighs out loud.

The energy vampire stops immediately, seeming sincerely sorry. “I can’t help myself these days.”

Okay, Guillermo thinks, one problem at the time. “I’m doing it.”

But then Nandor just takes the wires away from his hands. “I am gonna do it.” And then, before Guillermo could argue “I’m your master, I order you to step back and let me do it.” 

Fuck his leader’s voice, Guillermo hates when he does that – really hates how he feels when he does that. “And I’m your bodyguard, remember? That’s my job, now give me these fucking things.”

“Your job is to protect me from vampires who want to kill me. This doesn’t seem like a vampire to me. It’s just electricity.”

“Master, you’re human now, remember? You could die.”

“And so could you.” He really seems unreasonable, Guillermo’s heart skips a beat. 

“Nandor,” he says, softly.

“Guillermo.” Nandor replies, in the same way.

They stand silent for a few seconds, Guillermo looks right into his eyes. He took a moment to realize that Nandor is actually, truly, worried about him. He wonders if he’s been worried the whole time since they’ve always found themself in dangerous situations, or if it’s just a new human special skill. Then he remembers what Nandor’s said to him, the way he has grown some affection for him, but that’s the first time Guillermo actually believes his words. Now he can see he was being honest, that it wasn’t a trick. 

It warms his heart. And at the same time, it scares him a little.

For the first time, he isn’t sure anymore what’s happening between them.

“You want me to do it?” Colin Robinson’s voice arrives from a distance, or that’s what it seems to them, suddenly aware again of where they are. 

“No,” they say, in unison. “I have enough of this, I’ll get this over,” Nandor exclaims and Guillermo flinchs. 

“No, no no no. NO.” He doesn’t think, just grapes the wires in the exact moment Nandor is connecting them. He closes his eyes instinctively, that’s really a dumb way to die after all these years. He shuts the stupid voice in his head that’s telling him it’s still better than see Nandor dies, cause that can’t really be the last thing he had thought in his life.

Then it occurred to him that nothing had happened.

He opens his eyes, feeling a little stupid, still relieved. The lights are back on, the power has been fixed.

“Oh my God,” he burst out “we’re alive!”

Nandor hisses “Don’t say that- oh no wait, it doesn’t affect me anymore. That’s funny.” Then he looks at Guillermo and points at him, outraged “You didn’t obey me.” 

“Sorry,” he replies, with a bright smile. He’s alive, they’re alive, nothing can’t stop him from smiling. He then notices he’s still holding Nandor’s wrists. “Sorry,” he repeats, for no reason, but still, doesn’t let go.

“It’s fine. I knew you were right, I trust you.” His voice is low, the eyes on his hands. He stops breathing for a moment, then again blinks in concern. Guillermo could actually feel everything, from the pulse to the little trembling of his hands. That’s when he realizes he’s holding his breath too.

He coughs, “You do?”

Nandor finally meets his eyes, he doesn’t respond, thoughts. He just looks at him, studying him, maybe. Guillermo wonders what’s going on in his mind, he suddenly feels naked, under some kind of strange pressure. He wants to add something, but doesn’t know what. Nandor doesn’t even blink, for fuck’s sake. He just- stares. Nothing else. He’s surely thinking about something, something that frained him, Guillermo can tell by the small wrinkle on his forehead that he knows pretty well by now.

Yet, Nandor the Relentless doesn’t say a word.

“What is it?” So Guillermo asks before going insane once and for all. 

Nandor seems like he’s waking up from a dream. He shakes his head, looks at him as if he wasn't there the whole time, then simply adds “Nothing.”

That being said, Colin Robinson decides to remind them he was there too. “There’s clearly a lot to unpack here, uh?” 

They both turn to him, confused. “What?” They have to stop talking in unison. 

Colin Robinson grins, “Definitely a lot,” he replies, feeling somehow funny and also merciful, literally turning his back to the excellent buffet that’s happening under his nose.

*

The days that followed were quite stressful, for all of them. The worst thing that happened was certainly when Nandor almost set the house on fire. Do you know when you do a really, really stupid thing, or something really stupid happens to you, something that appears like a nightmare to you, but then everyone says “you will laugh at this in a few years” while in the present it’s all still pretty much miserable? Yep, that’s what we are talking about. 

Surely, Nadja and Laszlo will tease Nandor about the fire, in the future, but right now- well, let’s say they must really love him and he’s lucky to be alive. 

The story behind it’s… interesting. In short, Nandor wanted to cook dinner for him and Guillermo, without warning him, of course. If you think about it, it’s actually pretty sweet, and also strange, yet funny. I mean, it’s Nandor we’re talking about. The man doesn’t yet understand how to eat properly, since he forgot about it in the last 700 years. He literally bite his own finger while eating a slice of pizza. It happened under Guillermo’s eyes and he still doesn’t know how it was possible. But it happened. But he wanted to be in the kitchen anyway, making his own version of lasagna.

He didn’t want to explain how the fire started, but — yeah. 

Five minutes and the whole house was in alarm, obviously. Guillermo had to hurry extinguish the fire and, at the same time, save Nandor from the two angry vampires who wanted to rip his head off. But, hey, the good news is that at least they talked to each other that evening. Or scream. Yes, scream is a more appropriate word. But, you know, it’s still an improvement. 

Nandor has also found the time to get drunk. With a few glasses of wine, and you can call him pathetic for that, but his human body isn’t used to alcohol, like, at all, so it is not really his fault. Drunk human Nandor doesn’t act so much differently to drunk vampire Nandor, just the body reaction was worse. Let’s just say there was a lot of vomit – Guillermo had to hold his hair the whole time, it reminded him a lot of his highschool time. 

So when it snowed again, Guillermo was actually pretty relieved. They were confined in the house, of course, there wasn’t much to do in there, but at least they were safe. Although, Nandor started to feel annoyed by chess after Guillermo beat him two times in a row, and then said he wanted to build a snowman. So they made one, or attempted to, with a carrot as a nose and bottoms as vampire fangs (“Guillermo, I want to name him Klaus.” “Uh- as for Santa?” “Of course not, as for the Mikaelson guy!” Yup, he has a new vampire obsession, now, thanks for asking.) 

But it was a lovely evening after all, and it was yesterday.

As for today, the house is unbelievably quiet at the moment, Guillermo takes all morning to clean the fancy room (since the virgin he found on a role-playing game group chat couldn’t stay still when Nadja approached him and so the main artery was reap out. She didn’t even eat him after that and, of course, didn’t clean shit.) and when he realized that Nandor’s still asleep is past noon already. 

That’s strange, Nandor’s a fan of mornings since, well, you know, the human thing has started; lately he doesn’t even wait for Guillermo to wake him up – a thing that has made Guillermo a little sad, at first, but we don’t talk about it.

He washes the blood from his hands, deciding he’ll change his clothes after checking on Nandor. So, he goes upstairs, knocking at the not-anymore guests' room’s door.

“Master?” He calls, receiving no answer. No, wait. He actually heards something, like a groan but really, really, low. Guillermo enters the room, worried, just to find Nandor still in the bed, sheets covering his face. “You okay?”

“Guillermo?” The man answers in a tiny voice. Guillermo nods in response, then realizes Nandor can’t see him.

“Yes. What is it?”

A brief moment of silence, then “It’s happening. I’m dying.”

“Wha- oh, wow!” Nandor’s face came out of the blanket, looking absolutely like shit. Pale skin, tired and watery eyes, red and stuffy nose, muffle voice. Now, there aren’t a lot of options, so a) Nandor’s new human body is facing the consequences of hundreds of immortal years all of sudden, or b) he catches a cold. Hopefully, the right answer is b. “You’re not dying,” he then says, trying to reassure him “it’s just a cold.”

“A cold?!” Nandor tries to scream, before starting coughing. “That’s worse than I thought!”

“No, it is not,” Guillermo fights the instinct to laugh because, of course Nandor is one of those guys, “you’ll feel a lot better tomorrow, I promise.”

“That’s exactly the kind of thing you say to someone who’s dying.”

“Again, it’s just a cold. Nobody dies from a cold.”

“I lost two of my wives from a cold. Thankfully, I didn’t care much about them,” another caugh.

“Well,” Guillermo starts, while opening a window to let some fresh air go in, then immediately searching for a new blanket before Nandor could say something about wanting to freeze him “That was 700 years ago, now we have medicines. Actual medicines,” he adds, seeing the man already opening his mouth to correct him or whatever. “You’ll be fine, now let me just check-” without a warning, he puts his right hand on Nandor’s forehead. The man tries to move away, but it seems a fatigue his body couldn’t handle right now. “Shit, you’re really hot.”

“Well, thanks,” he replies, confused and flattered “You’re good looking too, Guillermo.”

“What, no. That’s not- what. No” Guillermo mumbles some incomprensible words, then immediately removes his hand from Nandor’s face like it burnt – even if the only thing on fire is his own face. “I mean. That” he points at the man’s head “is hot. That. Not you. I mean. Yes. But. You know. I mean.” He has to breathe and relax himself. Come on, Memo. Just breath in, breath out. Breathe in, breathe out. “You’re burning. From a fever. I’m going to take you an aspirin, and also prepare a tea. You need liquids right now, and warm stuff. A soup, yes, a soup. That’s what you need. But first the aspirin.”

Guillermo runs away from the room, bumping into the dresser and crashing over the door. He definitely didn’t calm down. 

Later, he eventually made a soup. Or at least, he’s trying. And not just a soup, but ash reshteh, a persian dish Nandor has recommended to him a few years ago. Guillermo wanted to try it for a very long time, and most importantly, he wanted to make it for Nandor since their first human dinner together. 

Maybe it’s dumb, he just toughts that could be nice and hopefully could make Nandor happy. If he doesn’t screw up with the recipe, of course. And he’s really, really close to screwing it up. And also the kitchen is a mess, worse than what Nadja did with the fancy room the other night. He feels the tears in his eyes, for God’s sake, that’s why he cutted it with the cooking. Cooking always made him nervous, he always finished crying over his burnt food, feeling useless and stupid and powerless and dumb and tired and angry and lonely and stupid and dumb. 

Wait, maybe the problem never was the cooking.

Anyway. He’s studying the next step of the recipe he found on google, when the door brutally opens behind him.

“Where is he? Is he already gone?” Laszlo hursh over him, grabbing his shoulders, with really too much strength. “Where is he?”

Guillermo has only the time to blink and look at him, completely lost. “Who?”

“Nandor, you bloody idiot. Is he gone?”

“Gone where?!” Seriously, what the hell “He’s in his room, I hope. I mean, the guest room. That’s his bedroom now. Upstairs.” 

“So it is not too late?” Nadja follows her husband, with her doll in her arms and a concerned look on her face. 

“Too late for what?!”

“Is he dead? Colin Robinson told us he was dying!”

Guillermo arches his brows “Colin Robinson. Told you Nandor’s dying. Colin Robinson?”

“YES!” They both cry, exasperated. 

“What, exactly, has he told you? And I mean the exact words.”

“Well,” Laszlo starts, “he said Nandor has a cold.”

“Yes,” Nadja echoes, “he immediately told us, unlike you, useless thing.” 

“Guys, it’s just a cold. No need to alarm” Guillermo sighs, he wasn’t expecting this. Definitely not. His words, however, as it was for Nandor, make it worse. 

“Oh Laszlo!” Nadja exclaims, while his husband hugs her, petting her hair “it is really happening.”

“That’s okay, my darling. We’ll be alright, in two centuries or three. That’s — That’s okay. We’ll go through this.” Is that a tear on Laszlo’s cheek?

“Guys,” Guillermo tries, almost reaching them with his hands, almost caressing their backs, or arms, he has never seen them being so vulnerable and truly desperate. Guillermo has never loved them as much as he does right now, honestly.

“Not now, Gizmo! We’re mourning our friend!”

“Guys he’s not dead yet,” he says, regretting immediately. They cry harder so he has to raise his voice and almost scream to be heard. “I’m telling you, I catched a cold like 20 times since I worked here. It’s normal, Nandor must has catched it yesterday, he wanted to go outside, in the snow, you know-”

“So it is your fault, then!”

“What fucking type of fucking bodyguard are you, for fuck’s sake?”

“No- no.” Why does no one ever really listen to him “have you heard what I said? I happened to catch a cold from time to time and look!” He points at himself “I’m alive! See?” 

The vampires turn to look at him, Nadja’s doll murmurs something about feeling relief that they stopped hugging. “Are you really bragging about having a vampire slayer’s ancient blood that protects you from disease?”

“You know guys,” Guillermo huffs, annoyed “you are really teasing me right now.”

“I mean, who cares if he dies anyways” the three of them look at the doll who’s rolling her eyes, pretty much bored about the whole conversation “he was so bad in being a vampire and he’s bad in being a human. The guy is just an idiot.”

“Well, but it’s not just an idiot, my gorgeous little whore.”

“He’s our idiot.” Laszlo completes, looking Nadja into her eyes, they share the exact same thoughts. They really seem sincerely nervous about the whole situation, like literally worried about losing Nandor forever. 

“Listen,” Guillermo clears his throat. “It's the 21st century, he’s gonna be fine. I’ll make sure of that. But, if you want, why don't you guys go upstairs, and keep him company while I finish here?” 

And for some, miraculous, reason, they don’t reply, just nod silent, and leave the room without insulting him or making another scene.

Wow, that was… a lot. And good, it’s about time they make peace, it’s been actual hell since they stopped talking to each other and so Guillermo had to go from one to another refereeing stupid insult and curse. At some point he simply stopped doing that. 

But now, this could be really good for Nandor.

Still, not as good as the soup Guillermo is making for him, of course. 

He took two more hours to prepare it (one hour just waiting for the delivery guy to bring him the last ingredients for the recipe.)

(He also stayed for dinner — Colin Robinson’s dinner.)

When Guillermo enters the room with the steaming bowl, he finds Nandor awake, looking better than he was earlier, with both Nadja and Laszlo sitting on his bed – the woman brushing his hair (that makes Guillermo not jealous at all ) while Laszlo’s hand is on Nandor’s leg, in an attempt to comfort him.

“Hello, Guillermo” Nandor greets him, with a half smile that makes his heart melt, clearly happy to see the two vampires worried about him. “What have you brought me? I’m hungry.”

An attempt to make you feel loved “Uhm, a surprise. Sort of. I hope I didn’t screw up. You feeling any better?”

“Yes, I am,” he replies, but his attention is all for the bowl in Guillermo’s hand. The curiosity is killing him, but, on the other hand, Guillermo’s feeling very anxious about it. It’s not like cooking for him some instant noodles or some fettuccine alfredo, that’s Nandor’s old life we are talking about, his old food, his old home, his old memories. It must be perfect, or it will be like murder Nandor’s past. “Mh, I know this smell.”

Definitely a good sign. “I’m glad,” Guillermo laughs, nervously, showing him the soup.

“Wait, is that-” Nandor starts, incredulous, but Laszlo interrupts him.

“Worms?!” Then he stares at Guillermo “Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Ew, Gizmo,” Nadja exclaims, disgusted “you were so petty about us feeding you with the chicken and now you bring Nandor actual worms? That’s what humans eat now?”

“The chicken needs to be cooked first, I told you like six times already!”

“Oh, so worms are good if they’re cooked?” Nandor asks, all of sudden. Not this again. 

“No, they are not. Or at least, I’ve never tried it. Anyway, that's Reshteh, do you remember it? You told me about this soup, some years ago, while we were walking past an iranian restaurant. You told me you miss this plate more than everything else. More than your wives, but not-”

“Not more than I miss my John, yes, I remember saying that. Although, I had to eat my John, but I’ve never eaten any of my wives.” Somehow, Guillermo is actually glad to hear that. “Now, give me that, I can’t wait anymore.”

“Alright, but careful, it’s really warm.”

“I know how to eat, Guillerm- ow! It’s hot, my tongue!”

Guillermo sighs, typical. If he had a penny for every time this has happened. He resists the urge to say told you, helped by Laszlo and Nadja who start to mumble about how sick they feel.

“I’m sorry, old chap, but I can’t stand the scene of you eating human worm food. It’s too much.”

“Yeah, sorry Nandor. It’s just-” Nadja put a hand on her mouth like she’s about to actually vomit, a second later they were gone.

“That’s very disrespectful,” Nandor comments, while waving his left hand right at this tongue —of course, he has burnit it again. 

Guillermo watches him for a few moments, deciding he can’t resist anymore. “You like it?”

“It’s different from the one I remember.” Okay, but good different or bad different? Does he like it or not? Why does he feel like his life depends on it? Jesus. He starts to clean up the room, just for, you know, do something, and also has an excuse to not look at Nandor. 

“I’m sorry if it’s bad, master. And you don’t have to eat it, if you don’t like it, I’ll make you something else.”

“I didn’t say I don’t like it,” he says, a little upset “I was just thinking…”

“Yes?”

Nandor stops eating, then looks at the bowl, studying the soup “It’s just, something is missing.” And he says that with such a deep voice, that Guillermo isn’t really sure he’s talking about the soup. He doesn’t know if he could- dare to ask him, he could bet that’s all about personal stuff and you know Nandor, he doesn’t share his feelings, he pushes them away and everything. But then the man looks at him, and his expression changes, he almost drops the soup all over the bed. “No, I don’t think so. You almost killed me with that this morning!”

Guillermo looks at his own hands, following Nandor’s gaze: ah yes, he should have imagined that. Nandor almost choked with the aspirine, earlier, so of course he’s afraid to take another one. He’s such a baby sometimes. Or most of it. “Come on, just one more and tomorrow you’ll be fully recovered.”

“Absolutely not. You’ve fooled me already with that killing machine.”

“I mean, it’s just a pill and it’s not even that big.” Nandor shakes his head, Guillermo really considers to go full Mary Poppins and starts singing the medicine’s song. “If you swallow the pill, I’ll take my pc and we — we could watch a few episodes of The Originals. What do you think?”

Nandor’s surely tempted now, he reflects about it for a few moments, then sighs. “Fine.” Wow, his crush for literally every member of the Mikaelson family is useful for something then.

“It doesn’t sit right with me, you know,” he mumbles later, after four – FOUR – episodes.

“What?”

“That they have a witch as a sister.”

Guillermo laughs softly, “Well I suppose it’s convenient for the plot.”

But Nandor doesn’t listen anymore, in fact, he falls asleep.

On Guillermo’s shoulder. 

His head is literally. On Guillermo’s shoulder. 

Holy shit! 

Guillermo doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe. He mentally recomends to his heart to remain fucking calm. But it’s not so easy. And after some minutes it started to hurt a little. He closes Netflix and waits a few moments, he remembers a Friends’ episode when Chandler tried to sneak off Janice hug while in bed. But Nandor’s not hugging him. And also Janice fell from the bed eventually. 

But what if. What if he just- stays here. For a moment. A minute. Or two, or five. 

It feels good, having Nandor so close to him, literally pressed against him. It feels good knowing that Nandor trusts him, enough for falling asleep like that, at least. That’s what happiness feels like, he told himself, and immediately calls himself a stupid idiot. He’ll never get over him, it’s pretty much clear now, but, you know, he made peace with that some times ago. Even if Nandor will never return his feelings, that’s okay, he supposed. He has to be, anyway.

And that’s when he rests his head on Nandor’s, closes his eyes, and falls asleep.

*

They do not talk about it. Who would have thought, uh? Everyone, of course.

Nandor was the first one to wake up, the morning after, feeling a lot better and, most importantly, finding Guillermo peacefully asleep over him. For some reason, he didn’t dare to move, so he waited for - don’t say anything - one hour and half until the other woken up too. Guillermo didn’t look at him for, like, two days. Nandor never addressed it, so they eventually moved on.

On behalf, Nadja and Laszlo begin to help him with the research, so together they go a little faster. And maybe, just maybe, they’re really close to finding something: their better option is to find the person who casted the curse and kill them. Or ask them politely to break that fucking shit. But to do that, they have to speak to Jan again, and spill some information from her. And Guillermo’s not excited at all about it.

“Okay but have you tried to kiss him like I suggested you?” Nadja says one night, while turning but barely looking at the pages of an ancient book about shapeshifters – her last theory is that human Nandor is not their Nandor but an impostor.

“No,” Guillermo answers anyway, feeling hot already. “I haven’t, obviously.”

“Why not?” She insists “Maybe it could actually work and spare us a lot of time. And it’s not like you’ve never done it, anyway.”

Guillermo feels really, really hot, “What — of course we did not.” He states, like, it does not even need to be said. 

“What?” Laszlo looks up from a Warlock’s book “Nandor has never kissed you or-” he makes a vague gesture with his right hand “anything?”

“No.” He laughs, literally laughs, awkwardly and nervously. Again, what is all that about?

“Oh,” the vampires both say, disoriented. “So he fucked a bloody wolf but drows the line at humans. That’s interesting.”

That’s not entirely true, Guillermo thinks, and he hates himself for doing it. “Can we please, please , focus on this now?” It’s funny because he tried for days to include them in the research and now he regrets it and misses all the time spent alone. 

“What Nandor thinks about this anyway?” Laszlo asks, after a few seconds, closing the damn book.

Guillermo doesn’t dare to look at him. “Uhm-” he mumbles, almost hiding behind the enormous pile of books on the table.

“You didn’t tell him,” not sure if it’s a question or not.

“Uhm-” Guillermo repeats himself “I was just- waiting for the right moment.” Which, Guillermo has pictured, will be when he’ll have an actual and practical solution to the problem. 

“Enough!” Nadja burst, exasperated, throwing away the book that Laszlo immediately catches. “I say we just turn him again. It’s the most logical thing to do, I don’t even know why we just didn’t do it in the first place.”

“Because he disgusted us, my darling,” Laszlo remembers her.

Guillermo sighs and takes his head between his hands. “We’ve already discussed it. Nandor will never accept to be turned by any of you.” 

“I didn’t say we have to ask him. I said we should just do it.” Nadja replies, offended by her idea being rejected, crossing her arms.

“What if we bring him to The Sire? Imagine the honor of being turned by the original vampire.” Laszlo proposes, and Guillermo actually considers it. In fact, he has thought about it already, and was really, really, close to suggest it to Nandor, but-

The thing is, he’s not completely sure how he would handle a no for an answer. Nandor never seemed bothered by how the events have turned, he’s fully accepted his new human nature; he loves being under the sun again, he enjoys doing silly human things. Even if Guillermo is not sure for how long it’s gonna last. I mean, Nandor's previous problems aren’t solved yet. All his talking about having no purpose and, yes, no lover. And that has remained exactly the same, Guillermo fears it’ll all come back again, hitting him worse than the last time. 

He’s about to say yes, we could try with The Sire, when the phone begins to ring. The three of them look at each other, confused, that’s a thing that never happens. Like, literally. Vampires always find a dramatic way to reach them, and call centers seem to contact Colin Robinson first for an inexplicable reason. 

“What do we do?” Laszlo asks, nervous. He stares at the phone like it’s about to explode at any time.

“We’ll answer, of course.” Guillermo replies, almost doing it, when Nadja screams.

“Don’t you dare! Last time Bloody Mary tried to kill us!”

Guillermo looks at her, he’s missing something here, isn’t he? “What?”

“It’ll stop, eventually,” Laszlo affirms, sitting down on the chair again. The ring, as he said, stops a second later, and that’s when the voicemail starts.

“Hello!”

“That’s Colin Robinson!” The vampires state, Guillermo turns to face an invisible camera – he’s really too used to having them all around the whole time.

“I knew you would’ve not dared to answer the phone,” Colin Robinson’s voice continues, “but I don’t know where to find a crow down here at the hospital. Though, you never respond to crows messages and never really understand what they say so it would’ve been useless anyway. Just wanted to inform you that Nandor had an accident and I’m having the best time in the E.R.”

What the fuck has he just said?

“Holy shit!” 

Vampires hisses at him “Don’t say the H-word, Gizmo.”

Nandor had an accident and he’s now at the hospital. And Guillermo is in the Vampiric big library doing useless research. The fuck has just happened. Fuck. Nandor was supposed to be hanging out with Sean and other guys that day, Guillermo thought they would have stayed in the man’s house, watching, dunno, football and drinking beers. Straight men stuff Sean seems to like. And now he’s at the hospital. Fuck. And of course Colin Robinson couldn’t just tell him exactly what happened, so he doesn’t know if it’s a serious thing or not.

“Fuck me,” he exlaimed, anxious, grabbind his car keys and rushing outside, with Laszlo and Nadja behind him.

“So, now he decides to die. After we spent the last four hours reading nothing but boring books!” Laszlo wails while entering the car. 

“It’s so bloody typical of Nandor,” Nadja supports her husband, “I’m going to kill him if he dies after all of this.” 

Guillermo is too nervous to listen to them. He concentrates on driving, trying no to think about anything else. Not to think about Nandor, all alone in a hospital bed. Hurt. Afraid. Dying . No, not dying. He’s sure he’s not dying. He can’t be dying. Not in the literal first day they spent apart. What a fucking bodyguard. And what a fucking human-slash-vampire, completeley unaware about modern world. The human world.

Fuck this shit. The Sire, or any other vampire, will turn him this exact night, Guillermo decides.

Turns out Nandor wasn’t close to death after all. He wasn’t even really in danger, as Sean explained to them when they arrived. In short, one of Sean’s friends showed Nandor his new motorbike, and, of course, Nandor wanted to ride that motor-horse thing. The bike almost didn't move, Nandor crushed on the ground quite instantly, breaking his right arm.

Really, nothing bad happened, still, Guillermo’s full of rage. 

“I was wearing the helmet, of course, even in my good old warrior days I always wore one.” Nandor says, clearly happy to have all of the attention on himself. “But I do not think that’s really my thing, I prefer a real horse. No horses have ever thrown me down. Ever. Not my John, not other ones a lot more stupid than-”

“Okay, I’m done!” Guillermo shuts him, red with anger. “It’s official, I’m done.”

“What are you saying now, Guillermo?” Nandor looks at him, perplexed. Guillermo shook his head, tired.

“I’m saying that I’m done. With all of this.” He gestures at him, pointed at the bed, then the man’s arm, wrapped up with a splint. “I’m done being a bodyguard of someone who clearly doesn't care about his own safety.”

Nandor huffs “You always worry.” And he really dared to say it like it’s actually a bad thing.

“Yes, and now I’m done with this too,” Guillermo snaps “Don’t you see you can’t do that, you can’t do these stupid things. You are not immortal anymore, you fucking idiot. You — you idiot sandwich!”

Nandor gasps and looks at him outrageous, mouth full open, like Guillermo has said the worst insult to him. “Take it back.”

“I don’t think so, master.”

“Take it back, or-”

“Or what, mh? You’ll kill me? I really want to see you try now you’re not a vampire anymore.” Laszlo waves a hand before Sean eyes, commanding him to forget what they’re saying. 

“I don’t need my vampire powers to break your neck, you rascal.”

“You know,” Guillermo starts, like he didn’t even hear him. “I wanted to ask The Sire to turn you again, but now I don’t care. Do what you want with your life, I’m out.”

They all shut after that. Guillermo tries to breathe again, calming down, already regretting all the things he’s sayed. Of course he won't really leave him (again), but he’s exhausted, really exhausted from the last weeks. He wants Nandor to understand that, he wants him to see how much he cares about him, how he doesn’t want to see him hurt in any way. He does not want to see him put himself in danger for nothing. He’s tired, he deserves a break. 

Nandor, however, looks at him like he doesn’t know him anymore. He looks at him, heartbroke, Guillermo could tell by his eyes. He opens his mouth to tell him he didn’t mean it, but Nandor precedes him. “You wanted to turn me again?”

That’s not what Guillermo expected. “Well, yes.”

“For how long have you thought of that?” Guillermo understands, it’s time to tell the truth.

“Since the beginning,” he confesses, trying to not look away from Nandor’s eyes. “I saw Jan, one day, she’s a human too. She told me someone cursed the Center, that’s why you are mortal again. So I thought there must be a way to break it, but I could really find anything. So, with Nadja and Laszlo-”

“Do you agree with this?” Now Nandor’s facing the two vampires, who have remained in the background all the time.

Nadja is the first one to say something, “Well, it’s not like we agree on everything. We started to help him with the research only recently.”

Thanks guys, Guillermo thinks, glaring at the both of them.

“I can’t believe my ears!” Nandor exclaims, then stares at Guillermo again. The way he looks at him actually hurts. “You really want to be a vampire so bad, don't you.”

What the fuck.

“Oh my God - sorry - I don’t even care about that anymore.”

“Well, Nadja and Laszlo will turn you, if they want to. So you can stop worrying about it. And you can stop protecting me as well, if that’s your goal.”

“Are you really being serious right now?” Guillermo is so done with this argument, honestly. “You realize I could literally just ask Derek.”

“Who?” Nandor asks, in confusion.

“Derek. My friend. Sort of. You know, the vampire that I sav- Laszlo saved.”

“Oh,” he doesn’t seem to actually remember him, “so why haven’t you asked him?”

“Because it has to be you.”

“But why ?”

Because I'm in love with you. Because I want to share some sort of a bond with you. Even if you don’t care about me at all. Even if you’ll get tired of me at some point and decide to leave me for good. I'll still have that bond. Forever. But he can’t say that, not out loud. So he just- stares. And mumbles some incomprehensible words.

Guillermo can actually hear Laszlo murmuring “Shit” from behind him. He understands immediately. Of course he does, he’s the only one who could understand him, he literally died for Nadja. Guillermo wonders when he stops being careful.

“I don’t understand you, Guillermo. I don’t understand you at all.” Nandor sighs, eventually. The anger is far away now, in both of them. “You have to listen to me this time. Vampirism is a curse. You’ll live forever, you’ll see everyone else die. Your mother, your family. You know, the other night I realized I’ve– forgot all of them. I’ve forgotten my parents, and my brothers. Is that what you want? Well, I can’t do this to you. You have to find another one, I’m no longer your master.”

“But it’s not a curse to them,” Guillermo decides to ignore the last part, pointing to Nadja and Laszlo.

Nandor looks at him, smiles at him softly, with pity. “But they have each other.” 

And I have you, I’ll have you. And you’ll have me. Why don’t you want to have me? Why don’t you see me? Why am I not enough for you?

Guillermo faces the wall and takes a deep breath. He’s stupid. He’s really that stupid. He really has to fall for a vampire. For that vampire. He wants to lay down. He wants to scream. He wants to cry. He wants to run away and never come back. And cry again.

“Okay,” he says, in a low voice. “Okay. I’m going home, you take the bus.”

*

It’s been one month since Nandor has been, unintentionally, cursed. 

They haven't spoken since the hospital, they have been avoiding each other for weeks. Guillermo can’t really address how it all started, maybe he was avoiding him the first days, maybe it was Nandor. They both have said things they regret, obviously. Guillermo is actually pretty much offended by the fact that Nandor believed everything he did for the house was for the promise of an immortal life. 

And it’s so stupid, if you think about it. And yes, maybe it was true in his first years as a familiar, but then, somehow, that people have become his family. He loves them, really loves all of them. He tried to leave them behind, to leave Nandor behind, but a heart wants what a heart wants. And his heart wants to stay with Nandor, with his family, and protect and take care of them. 

Vampirism at this point is just an excuse to stay with them forever, because ain’t no way Guillermo could imagine a life where he’s not with Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo. And Colin Robinson, too.

So yes, maybe he was a little selfish for doing all that work about Nandor’s situation without telling him, without asking if he wanted to be a vampire again. He can allow that. He already knows it. But still not for the reason Nandor thinks. If he still thinks it, though, Guillermo can’t tell since they don’t fucking speak to each other. 

“Alright, you have to stop it, Colin Robinson is this close to an indigestion,” Laszlo surprises him, entering in his room, Guillermo can’t tell when it was the last time Laszlo was in there. Maybe never.

“Uhm, what?” Guillermo asks, confused. Laszlo and Nadja aren’t actually avoiding him these days, it feels more like they have silently agreed to give him some sort of space. That’s strange, for sure, but nice. Then again they have spent most of the time outside lately, so maybe they aren’t actually being nice to him, maybe leaving him alone is only a consequence. 

“I can’t control the man during the day, for obvious reasons, and Nandor’s really challenged him to hold on and not drain him, with all his miserable behavior all over again,” he just address it, like it’s not a big deal and at the same time like he wants to inform Guillermo on the later events. “But I can control you, and order you to stop with all of your messy, pitiful and joyless thoughts. It’s not good for the house.”

“Nandor’s not okay?” He doesn’t even hide the fact that’s all he wants to know, the only thing that concerns him.

“You tell me,” Laszlo grins, showing his fangs.

“He doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t want to be around me, clearly.”

“You know, you’re the most stupid person I’ve ever known. And I know Nandor, for fuck’s sake! You two are really meant for each other.”

Guillermo frowns and stares at him with eyes wide open. “Excuse me?” He manages somehow to say.

“The man has been abandoned by thirty-seven wives, twenty-nine familiars since I met him, and a motherfucking wolf, too!” Guillermo already knows all of this stuff, and doesn't understand why Laszlo wants so badly to remind him. “And now, a bodyguard.”

Is he shitting him right now? “What the hell are you talking about, I’m right here.”

“Yes, exactly!” Laszlo raises his voice exasperated. “You’re right here,” remarks, pointing at him, still sitting on his bed “but you’re not there.” He concludes, his hand now is indicating upstairs, metaphorically pointing at Nandor’s room.

Guillermo looks down, right at his feets. He understands now what Laszlo wants to say. And the vampire seems to notice, so he fixes his shirt, like he’s about to go out on a date, then refers again to Guillermo. “Me and my delicious lady wife are tired of listening to Nandor’s lament during our slambs, and also our delicate and raffinated eyes can’t stand the vision of scruffy things. And Nandor’s a scruffy thing right now, and you’re pretty much close too. So you’ll eat your stupid pride and go to talk to him. That’s what you do in an adult relationship, and I’m talking for experience.”

“Okay, but w-” we are not in a relationship, he wants to point out, but Laszlo turns himself into a bat and flies away, leaving him alone again.

What the fuck was that about again? It was a casual discussion, or Laszlo has actually prepared for making that little speech. A speech that only said “Go talk to Nandor and get your shit together.” A thing Guillermo really wants to do, but also doesn’t know how. 

Laszlo makes it like it’s the easiest thing in the world, actually talk to a person you care about, and if it’s that so, then why Guillermo prefers to challenge a troll in a mortal fight right now?

He sighs, he knows that he’s the one who has to do the first step with Nandor, at least this time.

So he goes upstairs, to Nandor’s new room, just to find it empty. So he looks for him in the library, then the fancy room, then again in the kitchen. He worries a little, before finally finding him in the last place he would imagine: his old bedroom.

Nandor’s standing in the middle of the room (Colin Robinson didn’t take it, this time, because he was still around and they all knew it would piss him a lot), a hand over his coffin, he looks like he’s actually caressing it, but maybe Guillermo hallucinated for a moment.

He doesn’t seem to have heard him arriving, but maybe he’s just pretending. 

“Hey,” Guillermo tries nervously, waving his hand at Nandor’s back because, Laszlo is right, he’s that stupid.

“Hello, Guillermo,” Nandor replies, with no sentiment in his voice. But at least he talks to him.

“What are you doing?” He asks, a little curious and a little worried too, his heart running faster as he speaks.

“What would you say? What do you see?” 

Uhm, alright then. “I see… you standing up in your old room,” it’s so much simpler when he doesn’t have to describe an orgy “beside your coffin. And I see… you’re looking thoughtful, even if I can’t see your face, but I can tell it- from your posture. Your shoulders are tenses, you seem tenses.” And your hair is a little messy, and it’s obvious no one has ironed your clothes. But he decides to keep that to himself, doesn’t want to ruin things. Even if maybe it’s all already ruined. 

“Is it even my coffin, anymore?” Nandor sighs. Still no effort in his tone.

“Well, it’s not like anyone is using it,” Guillermo lets out a nervous laugh, Nandor doesn’t flinch. “Master, are you alright?”

“I’m not your master anymore, Guillermo. We agreed on that, didn’t we?”

Not exactly, at all. “Okay well, still. Are you okay?”

He takes a deep breath and turns to face Guillermo, his face is the exact reflection of his voice. Impenetrable. Dark. Stoic. He has circles under his eyes again, probably because he hasn't slept much lately, and his skin is paler than the last time he saw him; Guillermo hopes he’s not ill again. “Why are you still here?”

“Uh- in your room?”

“No. In the house.”

“Oh.” His words hurt him like a knife. “You want me to leave the house?” Guillermo asks, coughing to hide his delusion.

“You want to leave the house?”

“Why are you even asking me this? I’m still here, don’t you see?”

“I see you, but I don’t see why. Why didn't you leave for good? I relieved you from your familiar and bodyguard duties, and yet you’re still here. I don’t understand, explain it to me, Guillermo, just-” and then, something breaks in Nandor's voice, Guillermo could literally hear his prayer, a please, right here, painted on his lips, suspended. So, Nandor doesn’t want him to leave, he just wants to understand why he didn’t, like anyone else before him. Guillermo can’t feel his heart anymore.

“I stayed because-” I love you, fucking idiot “I care. About you. About all of you. I don’t need to be a bodyguard to stick around and protect you. It’s not a job, it’s what I want to do.”

Nandor lowers his gaze, Guillermo can’t really tell if he actually believes him. “But you didn’t even want to talk to me.”

You didn’t want to talk to me, you moron. “Well, you know. Families fight. Families don’t talk to each other for a while. But in the end, they are still there, they are still family.”

He gives him a look. “A family?” He seems surprised to hear that, yet relieved, and hopeful.

Guillermo smiles. “Of course we are a family.” Nandor smiles back, but then he adds nothing, looking a little awkward, so Guillermo decides to change the subject. “So. What are you doing here?”

Nandor seems still nervous about it, “I was just thinking,” he murmurs.

“About what?” Guillermo asks again, but the man doesn’t reply. He waits for almost a minute, in vain. “Do you miss being a vampire?” He tries to guess, and judging from his face, maybe he got it right.

“No,” Nandor affirms rapidly, too much you could say. “Yes,” he then corrects, uncertain. “I don’t know anymore.” 

“Why, I thought you liked being human,” Guillermo really wants to understand what Nandor wants so he could be helpful in some ways.

“Well I don’t know anymore!” he repeats, rolling his eyes and raising his left arm, the only one free from the bandage, in a dramatic gesture. 

That’s really the occasion to make him realize he really sucks as a human. He’s really too much inclined to incident to actually believe he could even dream to die from old age, I mean, if it wasn't for Guillermo he would’ve been run down by a bus on his first day under the sun. 

But he isn’t sure it is really the right time to tell him that, not after all of those days spent in silence, completely alone. 

Speaking of which, maybe it’s time for a sincere apology, like Laszlo suggested.

“Nandor,” he calls his name in the softest voice “I’m sorry if I yelled, at the hospital. And if I said those things, I didn’t really mean any of them. I was just stressed, you know. I mean, it’s not like I don’t think you could not take care of yourself,” well “it’s just- you said it, I worried a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt, I guess, I’m not used to seeing you in this new fragile human skin.” He pushes back a laugh because of Nandor’s glare. Geez, it was a fun joke in his opinion. “And you didn’t make it easy for me, anyway, I mean- you literally set a fire for a lasagna, Nandor. A lasagna.” He remarks the last word, still finding it ridiculous and crazy that it actually happened.

“Okay but then nothing really happened, it was just an accident,” Nandor objects, offended. “Even before I was a vampire, I happened to survive for decades. I was a warrior, remember? A great warrior.”

“Yes, I know, but you have to admit that every time I’m not around something terrible happens. I was away for a month and you guys were almost killed.”

“True,” Nandor concedes, “but we survived for centuries on our own, without you.”

“If I may, I can’t explain how that’s actually possible. Like, for real.”

Nandor makes an upset noise and Guillermo smiles a little, finding it cute – Dios mío, he’s so fucked. “Anyway, I’m sorry for not telling you about the curse. I should have asked you if you actually wanted to be a vampire again in the first place.”

It follows a long moment of silence, Nandor seems to pontered every word that comes out of his mouth. Then, eventually, concedes him a smile “Thank you, Guillermo, I appreciate it.” Still, the question is still there, does he want to be a vampire? Guillermo doesn’t dare to ask, but Nandor seems to read his thoughts. “I don’t know what I want, right now. It was exciting the first days, then it slowly shades away. There is not so much to do during the daytime, it’s the same as being a creature of the night. The world is so boring, modern humans are boring. There is nothing, and no one, to pillage, these days. Still, I have to confess I missed the warmth of the sun. And the food. Especially the food. And I missed dreaming, until my dreams became pretty sad and now I don’t want to dream anymore.”

That’s a really sweet thing, the fact he confessed to him this stuff, Guillermo is actually moved. And really curious about the dreams, but doesn’t say anything about it, he knows it would be useless. “And what do you miss about being a vampire?” He asks, instead.

Nandor doesn’t even need the time to think of it, he looks over Guillermo's shoulders, deep in thought. “Flying. The ability to control people's minds. Talking to my animal little friends. The music of your heart-”

Guillermo almost chokes in his own saliva. “The what?” He squeaks. Literally, squeaks. The best thing to do in a case like that.

“Your heart makes a very delightful sound, Guillermo, no need to be ashamed.”

Ashamed is really the last word he would say right now. “Alright. And so. You… miss it?” His voice shakes a little, he really, heally, hopes for Nandor to not notice that.

“Yes,” the man replies, eventually, “it’s quiet and soft for most of the time. It sounds like an old lullaby I heard once, when I was very little. It’s sweet, it’s gentle. And then there are times when it is furious, and aggressive, and it reminds me of my old days in war. And it made me feel like I was in Al Quolanudar again.”

That. Is. The creepiest. And the most lovely thing someone ever. Ever. Said to him. Guillermo feels so full of love. And definitely tired to feel like that all of the time, like a complete fool. He’s fooling himself on occasions like this. He knows that nothing will happen between them, he knows Nandor cares about him, but… love, he knows that’s not possible. His mind keeps reminding him all the time. All of the fucking time. But his heart… his stupid heart.

Nandor never thinks when he says things like that. Never thinks about the consequences, about how it could affect him. He hates that of him. He’s tired of hearing his not intentionally romantic stupids words. But he can’t live without it, those words are like oxygen to him. They hurt like nothing else in the world, and he craves for more.

Because he’s pathetic. Because he’s a masochist. Because he clearly has a problem. Or maybe he’s just a sociopath like his roommates. 

Whatever is the answer, he moves forward, looking right into Nandor’s deep eyes, stopping exactly in front of him, leaving just an amount of a few ridiculous inches between them.

Guillermo holds out his hand, waiting for Nandor to take it. He feels like a mad man, he’s clearly not thinking about anything but Nandor’s happiness. And how beautiful he looks right now. Or, like, anytime. 

At last, Nandor takes his hand, confused but yet intrigued. He doesn't understand what is happening, and the funny part is, neither does Guillermo. He decides to act spontaneously for a change. 

Guillermo can’t really help the urge to caress Nandor’s palm. His thumb gently touching his skin for a few seconds, never turns away his gaze from Nandor, who’s now looking at their hand, incredulous. Then Guillermo slowly guides his hand on his chest, placing it on his heart. He doesn’t dare to stop touching his skin, he doesn’t want to leave his hand, so it rests there, right on Nandor’s.

They remain silent, Guillermo's heart is a storm right now. He doesn’t know if that’s how battlefields sound like, but he can tell that Nandor actually likes it. He looks ecstatic, he looks… he looks like he’s miles away from there, but at the same time like he’s never been this close. 

And then, just because Guillermo has clearly officially lost his mind, he dares to place his other hand on Nandor’s chest. The man looks at him in surprise, but still allows that, relaxing already, breathing slowly as Guillermo. What he feels is strange, and new. Nandor’s heart is agitated, just like him, just like his nature. It actually doesn’t surprise him. It warms him, knowing that. He feels so privileged to know such a thing. He understands what the man was trying to explain to him, because Nandor’s heart is really the most wonderful lullaby he has ever listened to. 

“Have you-” Guillermo clears his throat, finding his voice again “have you really forgotten your parents?” He doesn’t know why those words split out from his mouth, that question has been hunting him for days, for weeks, since Nandor confessed him to Guillermo.

“Yes, I have.” He replies in a low voice that makes it so hard to actually understand it, fortunately they’re conveniently close at the moment. “I’ve forgotten them all. I don’t remember the voices of any of them, I don’t remember their laughs, or what they smell like. That’s what happens when you are immortal, I guess, you live for thousands of years. You leave everyone behind. And then, eventually, you forgot.”

Guillermo swallows the delusion, and tries, really tries with all of his strength, to contain the tears. “So that means you’ll forget about me.”

“I’m not immortal anymore, Guillermo.”

“Okay, but. As a vampire. You didn’t want to turn me, so that means I would’ve eventually died. And you would’ve forgotten me. Just like that.” A tear on his cheek, another one ready to follow. “I devoted my life to you, Nandor.” That doesn’t feel right, it’s too much even for him. A funny moment to realize he still has some dignity left after all.

Nandor observes him, he observes his tears, he observes his mouth, his eyes. He observes the pain pictured on his face. He sees, for the first time, what his words have done to him. “My sweet Guillermo,” he starts softly, “I do not think I could ever forget you.”

Guillermo takes a deep breath, sniffing a little. “No?”

Nandor just looks at him, in a way that is so intense that Guillermo's legs start shaking. 

“I’d rather die.”

Fuck. Fuck him. Fuck his life. Fuck everything. 

He believes him, he fucking believes him.

He knows his heart is sincere, he can fucking hear that, beating under is hand. Goddammit, Nandor.

His breath becoming heavy, he wants to kiss him. He really wants to kiss him, right now. Without thinking about the consequences. He violently stares at his lips, he can’t do that. But he wants to. His mind is already set on the off button, his heart beating rapidly, every part of his body is leaning him toward Nandor. Guillermo has the time to stand up on his tiptoe, because obviously, Nandor has to be so fucking tall.

But then Nandor pales, more than it already was this evening. He pales, and he steps back, and he starts to gasp. He can’t breathe, he’s hyperventilating before Guillermo’s eyes, who panics in return. 

“Guillermo-” Nandor calls him, his voice cracks. He gestures at him with his left hand, pointing at his heart.

“What, what is it? What is wrong?” He wants to scream, calling for Nadja and Laszlo, but then he remembers that the two of them went out. Fucking shit.

“My heart, my heart is wrong. It hurts!” Nandor manages to say, looking at him like he’s about to die in an instant, looking for help, for protection. Because that’s what Guillermo always does, he protects him. “It’s a heart attack!” And then he almost collapses to the ground, but Guillermo catches him in time.

“Shit,” he cries, “shit. I’m taking you to the hospital, alright? Just try to remain calm.”

“How the fuck could you said that? I’m fucking dying of a heartattack!”

“Now you’re just being dramatic,” Guillermo comments in a low voice, not really believing his own words, really praying that it’s absolutely not what is happening to him.

*

So, Nandor wasn’t really dying, but it wasn’t being dramatic either. He had a panic attack, a really bad panic attack. And it was all Guillermo's fault. He continues to repeat it in his mind, while waiting for Nandor to leave the hospital.

He really had to try to kiss him, hadn’t he?

What the hell was he thinking, exactly? Well, of course, he wasn’t thinking at all, but still. He used to be so careful around him, he used to listen to his heart but followed the advice of his mind. What happened to him?

Nadja and Laszlo visited Nandor in the night, after Guillermo, still in panic, managed to reach the woman over the phone. He hadn’t talked with the doctor yet, and he was worried and he didn’t want to be alone in the waiting room. Then some nurses, who recognized Guillermo from the other times they went there, reassured him about Nandor’s situation and that’s when the guilt started. He said nothing to the two vampires, who left him alone, eventually, when the sun was about to rise.

Old Guillermo would have left the house. Definitely. Maybe even the town, ashamed. 

He shakes his head at that thought, breathing some fresh morning air. He will never leave Nandor again, but he isn’t sure he would actually be able to look him in the face anymore.

At some point, Nandor reaches him, looking embarrassed at his own feet, ready to go home. But Guillermo doesn’t move, he doesn’t want to move before putting some words together and apologizing properly.

But what could he say? I’m sorry if I tried to kiss you, causing you a fucking panic attack? I’m sorry if I love you, that would never happen again. Can we please move on, pretending nothing happens? He opens his mouth, mumbling something, then closes it again. 

Nandor says nothing, he doesn’t look at him, he just stands there, waiting. 

“Nandor…” Guillermo doesn’t recognize his own voice, “about what happened…”

“The lady doctor said it wasn’t a heart attack,” Nandor stops him, speaking in a small voice, “and then Laszlo pointed out that my reaction was similar to his last human orgasm” human orgasm? Nope, Guillermo decides he doesn’t want to know, and it’s really not the right time to ask for an explanation on that matter. “But I am not a fool, I know it wasn’t my pee-pee. Honestly, Guillermo, I think the lady doctor is wrong, because it happened already, a lot of times, just not like tonight. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a little scared, I really think I’m dying but nobody wants to tell me.”

That’s… unexpected. 

Guillermo remembers the first time he had a panic attack, he was 14 and didn’t want to go to school because of some bullies. He remembers very well what he felt, he also had thought he was about to die. 

“That’s really not- you’re not dying,” he reassures him. “You had a panic attack, it’s a common thing actually. I used to have it too, a lot. I promise, you’ll be absolutely fine. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“You make it so easy, but I am the one who was dying. Like I said to her, of course I started to panic, panic it’s not a big deal. But my heart is, and it started beating fast all of sudden. Really, really fast. You would have panicked too.”

“So, you panicked because your heart was beating fast?” Not because I tried to fucking kiss you?

“Yes, exactly. It started when you held my hand and placed it to your chest, for me to listen to the music of your heart again.” 

Oh.

Now is actually Guillermo’s heart the one that starts to beat faster. Holy shit. Could it be? No, that’s not possible. But, what if-

“And… what were you doing the other times it happened?”

“It happened once, when we were at the park, and you gave me your ice-cream after mine fell to the ground. And it happened when we went to the cinema, and you got scared and reached for my hand.” That was quite the opposite, but Guillermo doesn’t say a word. “And I remember it happening when you started giggling for that dog at the park. And everytime you say my name. Guillermo-” Guillermo couldn’t even breathe. He looks at Nandor, collecting the dots. He doesn’t feel good. I mean, he feels very good, but he doesn’t. He’s the one close to the panic attack right now. Fucking Nandor. The man looks at him, he takes a few moments to think. Maybe he has arrived at this same conclusion. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Jesus fucking Christ. “Guillermo.” Nandor repeats, this time with actual anger. “What have you done to me? Are you trying to fucking kill me? Is it a vampire killer thing? But why me? I’m not even a vampire anymore, why are you doing this?”

If there was a camera, Guillermo wouldn’t have looked at it. He would have taken it and smashed it. He really needs to smash something. He can’t be so fucking oblivious. 

“I’m not doing anything, Nandor,” he tries, it really feels good pronouncing his name out loud.

Nandor starts to panic again “See? My heart. It’s happening again, you are really trying to kill me!”

Guillermo feels like he’s about to start crying at any moment. “I am not trying to kill you, I swear.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I'm doing nothing. Look at me.” He raises both of his hands, showing to Nandor “See, nothing!”

“Then what is it? What’s wrong with me? What is this feeling I’m feeling?”

“Nandor,” he starts, softly. Nandor shivers again. “It could be-” He can’t say that. He’s really about to say that. Fuck. “It could be- love?” He says it. Mierda. It’s there now, it’s out. He can’t take it back.

It’s funny, Guillermo has almost imagined for a moment that words to be a big deal – because they’re a fucking big deal – but like, for the world. He has imagined an earthquake, or- or a thunderstorm, you know? Something catastrophic that warns you the world is ending in a few hours.

Howerever, nothing happens. Fuck, is he really being disappointed about it? Like, is it really what he’s thinking right now? Well, yes, since Nandor stopped working, apparently. He just stares at him, head empty. Guillermo starts to feel a little weird, he looks around, awkwardly, almost ready to take it back, saying he was just joking.

Nandor’s right about to open his mouth, when Guillermo regrets the catastrophic thoughts: Nandor’s head is fucking smoking.

“What the hell!” He exclaims, horrified.

Nandor seems not to notice it. “What?”

Is he kidding him right now? “Your fucking head is on fire!”

“My wha-aaaawwww!” Yes, now he notices it.

“Fucking hell, go in the car. NOW!”

Guillermo manages to order, not really understanding what is happening. Why can’t they have a fucking truce? Just once in a while. One time every 15 years. It sounds fine to Guillermo. Fucking universe, or karma, or gods, or- whatever. 

“Take this,” he gaves Nandor his coat while starting the car “putting over your head, you’re- fuck. You’re turning into a vampire!” Of course. It all makes sense. Curse started exactly a month ago, and Nandor stayed at the Center exactly a month. So that’s how this curse works, Guillermo feels like he has cracked some sort of code. He smiles for a second, satisfied with himself. Then he slowly understands what this means. 

“I’m taking you to the Wellness Center,” he annonces, because Nandor's head is hidden under his coat.

“What? Why?” His voice came out muffled.

“Because if you want to stay human, then that’s where you need to go,” Guillermo really tries not to break but he feels it’s just a matter of time. “And you probably have to remain there, well, forever, or else the curse will break again.” 

“Are you fooling me right now- fuck!” Nandor emerges from the coat, just to be burned by the light, then he hides again. “You have to stop making decisions for me!”

“Okay, but-”

“No, take me home. Now.”

“But-”

“Guillermo,” the leader’s voice again, Guillermo shivers. “Take me home,” he adds, breathlessly. Guillermo turns to look at him, well, at the coat. He doesn’t understand, but he turns left and drives home.

*

Nandor doesn’t say a word after running into the house, into his coffin. He doesn’t change, doesn’t ask Guillermo to change him either, he just opens the coffin and enters into it. Oh, and he frees his not-broken-anymore-for-obvious-reason arm from the wrap.

Guillermo just takes a moment to fall on the couch in the fancy room. The last 12 hours have been the craziest of the last 12 years, and that’s saying a lot. He almost kissed Nandor. Then Nandor literally admits his feelings for him. And then again the fucking curse decides to broke in that exact moment.

Guillermo still can’t believe what he heard. What if he imagined everything? No, listen, what if the thing Nandor was feeling wasn’t love at all? What if it was the curse fading away to cause the panic attack and the heartbeat. What if Guillermo had just made a fool of himself?

Nandor will laugh at him when he wakes up. He can actually see it. The whole house will laugh, for years probably. That’s exactly what will happen when the sun goes down. He’s screwed, but he can’t do anything now to avoid the inevitable.

And what if Nandor decides to leave them for good, and return to the Center so he can live a mortal life? Fuck, that could happen. But still, he asked Guillermo to take him back home instead of the gym, so maybe that won't be a problem. Again, but what if he just needed some time to reflect and make a decision?

And with these thoughts, Guillermo falls asleep, in agitated dreams.

It is Nandor who wakes him up, gently, a hand over his shoulder, Guillermo can swear he heard something similar to a “wakey wakey, my dear Guillermo” whispering to him.

Guillermo opens his eyes, just to find his face a few inches from his. They’re so close that, when Guillermo moves a little, raising his head, their noses literally touch. He doesn’t even dare to breathe, doesn’t move. Wait, is he dreaming? It looks like one of his dreams.

“What is it?” He whispers, he doesn’t know why he whispers, maybe because Nandor is clearly close enough to hear it.

“There is something I want to do, and I can’t wait anymore. May I have your permission?”

“Uh-” now what? What’s happening? He really hopes it is nothing dangerous, because he can’t deal with it now he’s only half awake. “Sure, but what it-”

Nandor shuts him with a kiss. Nandor shuts him with a fucking kiss.

Now Guillermo is fully awake, his eyes wide, he gasps in Nandor’s mouth. His lips are incredibly soft, he kisses him, gentle, almost and surprisingly cast. Guillermo's mind went blank. He does nothing, he’s so stupid and he does nothing. He just stands here, with Nandor’s mouth pressed over his, incredulous. 

The man eventually heads back. Nandor looks at him anxious “Was it wrong? Did I get it all wrong?” He asks with actual terror in his voice.

Guillermo manages to sit properly on the couch, finding Nandor down on his knees. Again, it really, really, looks like one of Guillermo’s dreams. And you know what, fuck it, who even cares about that?

He grabs Nandor’s shirt with both hands and gets him close again. He kisses him this time, he closes his eyes and hungrily kisses him because that’s exactly what Guillermo was waiting for since the day he met him. This is Nandor’s time to gasp in surprise, but he feels his relaxing smile over his lips almost immediately. Guillermo opens his mouth, greeting him, leaning his head a little for his tongue not being cut by his fangs. Not that Guillermo doesn’t want to try and see what would happen, but maybe another time.

Nandor's beard scratches his face a little, but it’s okay, he actually likes the feeling. “Am I dreaming?” He moans, stupidately, into Nandor’s mouth, causing him a little laugh.

“I think this is very real, my sweet sweet Guillermo, or I would be dreaming too and I'm a vampire now, no need to dream anymore.” 

Guillermo shuts again, while Nandor starts to leave some little kiss on the corner of his mouth, before eventually returning to his lips like it’s the only source of oxygen in the whole planet. Nandor hands are on his neck now, his fingers caressing his hair. Guillermo could feel his own heartbeats. “Like a battlefield,” Nandor groans, and Guillermo loses his mind and pulls him closer, grabbing his long hair. 

It could stay like this for eternity, but unfortunately he really needs to take a deep breath before collapsing. He pulls back, feeling his heart melt as Nandor’s mouth desperately chases his. “Wait, I need to catch my breath,” Guillermo chuckles softly, resting his forehead on Nandor’s.

“Why, breathing is overrated,” Nandor laments in annoyance.

“Well, not for humans.”

“Then I’ll turn you right now so we can kiss properly,” and as he says that, he leans forward, eyes on his neck and Guillermo actually believes that’s it, that’s the moment, but then Nandor starts to kiss his skin, gentle, tenderly, and Guillermo lays his head and closes his eyes, heavenly. It’s good, it feels so good. He could actually die at this exact moment and be totally happy with it.

“Nandor,” he then finds the courage to call his name; he realizes only now that the room is completely dark.

“Mmmm”, the man murmurs in return, his lips now on his cheeks.

“We have to talk,” he really hates himself as he says it, doesn’t want this to stop.

“Why always the talking, I don’t want to do the talking, I want to do the kissing.” And to remark that, he left another kiss on his lips. Fuck.

“Please, Nandor,” he breathes and Nandor eventually gives up, coming sitting next to him.

“I’m tired of talking, Guillermo, we spent the last 12 years talking.” The man says, and that’s not remotely true since he never wanted to open to him, or to anyone.

But Guillermo holds that though for himself. “But I have to know— I have to understand, well, everything, honestly. What is happening?”

“What’s happening,” Nandor starts, approaching his hand with his fingers, starting to draw some causal circles, “is that you were right, about my feelings.”

“Ah.”

“I was waiting in my coffin, no slambering, just waiting for the darkness to come again. I was thinking about human life, and the immortal one. And most of all, I was thinking about you,” he points a finger to him, gently booping his chest “I am not good at talking, Guillermo, and it’s been so long since the last time I actually loved someone, I needed help to remind me what it feels like. And now, listen! My heart, I feel it, is beating again.”

Guillermo gaspes out loud “What?” and hurries to press a hand over Nandor’s chest, waiting to hear a heartbeat that isn’t there. He looks at him confused, but the man smiles.

“I know it’s not really beating, but I still feel it. Inside. I feel alive again, when I’m with you.” 

Guillermo looks at him intensely. God, this is a lot better than his dreams anyway. The butterflies in his stomach are all almost dead by now, even they can’t survive hearing Nandor words. This is all Guillermo ever wanted, making him happy, making him feel alive somehow. Shit, he can’t cry. He seriously can’t cry right now. 

“So, what about the curse?”

Nandor narrows an eyebrow “What about the curse? It’s broken.”

“Yes, but. You know. If you want to be a human all you can do is to visit the Wellness Center. You seemed quite happy about your new human life in the last weeks.”

Nandor seems to think about it for a few moments. “Well, I guess I was truly happy. Last weeks were pretty much the happiest of my life. And for real, this time, not like the month I spent with that fucking Jan at the Center. That wasn’t real, I know it now. I was really happy, doing silly stuff. Doing it with you. I didn’t really care about what we were doing, I was happy since I was doing it with you.” Guillermo reminds himself to breathe. Is he really saying he is what makes him happy? Are they in a romcom or something? “And it’s not like I wanted to be human because I missed being human, I wanted to feel something again. Something good. Something real. I wanted a purpose. A meaning. And I wanted someone to share my life with, an immortal or a human one, it didn’t matter. And you, my precious Guillermo, are very real.”

Fuck, and he said he’s not good with the talking. No one’s ever said those things to him, Guillermo's heart is about to explode, he feels it, and Nandor surely is hearing it too. 

“But why did you want me to be a vampire so bad, this whole time?”

“Well,” Guillermo starts, doesn't recognise his own voice “it’s just— I think I didn’t find it right, you being cursed for no reason. And I know you think vampirism is a curse, but from my point of view is actually a blessing. You’ll live forever, and I cannot really imagine a future where you are not in it. You’ll never die, as long as I stick around making sure of that. And knowing that- yes, it’s a blessing.”

“I know you always wanted to be a vampire, but you never tell me why.”

“It’s not simple. I wanted to be a vampire because I wanted to be cool, and I wanted to be powerful. Then I realize I don’t need to be a vampire for that, I am pretty much cool and powerful already.”

“Yes, you are. And also very handsome.”

Guillermo feels his cheeks on fire. “Then I guess, I just wanted to be with you. I want to be with you, nothing else. I want what Nadja and Laszlo have, and I want it with you. I want to spend eternity with you, that’s why I always, constantly, asked you to turn me. You know, when you love someone and you realize you want to spend eternity with them, you want eternity to start as soon as possible.”

Nandor gave him a look “Is that the Harry and Sally’s movie? Wait, you love me then?”

Guillermo chuckles and shakes his head, unbelievable “Wasn’t that pretty much obvious?” He leans himself and presses again a kiss on Nandor’s lips. God, he will never be used to it. Nandor responds immediately, with urgency this time. Then pulls back, suspiciously looking at him.

“So, are we done with the talking now?” 

Guillermo replies with a kiss instead

*

The camera starts rolling, it shows a new room, a room the audience has never seen before. Then Nandor and Guillermo enter, bringing some boxes.

“So, we’re bringing Guillermo stuff in the guest's room, which, from now on, will be the love-making room.” Nandor enthusiastically explains to the cameras.

“And also, it will be my room, at least until he turns me into a vampire,” Guillermo annonces, smiling widely from ear to ear. “So, yes. You guys have missed quite a lot.”

“That’s what you get when you decides that those New Zealand’s fucking guys are more interesting than us,” Nandor adds, annoyed. “Guillermo, show them what’s in the box you’re carrying. Show them how interesting we are.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Don’t be shy,” he turns to the camera “he’s always shy when it comes to sex. Well, fortunately he is not in the practical act.”

“I’m not- shut up!” Guillermo hisses, while placing the box on the floor and pushing it away from him with one foot. “Anyway, we decided to wait a year, and then he’ll turn me into a vampire.”

“Yes, we wanted it to be really special.”

“And, I mean, there’s no hurry, you know, when you have waited for twelve years, what is another 365 days?”

“And then I’ll turn him under thousands of shining stars. It will be so romantic.”

“Uhm,” Guillermo thinks about it “It’ll be hard to compete with this. What about our second anniversary, then?”

Nandor looks at him, surprised “It will be a second anniversary?”

Guillermo smiles at him like a complete fool, forgetting there are people recording them right now. “Of course, we’ll have eternity, remember?”

“Alright then,” Nandor exclaims, happy “For our second anniversary we should go to Paris. For at least six month.”

“Paris?”

“Yes, so we can see the real red windmill.”

“I like that. But still, you’re setting the bar so high, it will not be easy for me.”

“But you don’t have to gift me with anything, you already gift me with your presence, you make me feel I have a heart, a functional heart, again. You make me very happy.”

“Nandor, that's all I ever wanted. And you make me happy, too.”

They suddenly kiss, and the camera crew starts to leave the room, giving them some privacy, but they still manage to catch Nandor’s voice. “But still, I really like jewelry. So you can buy me a ring, or several of them.”

They hear Guillermo’s soft laugh. “Okay, mi vida, I’ll buy you a ring.”

+++++

“So yes, it's been a hell, as you can imagine,” Laszlo starts to say, talking to the camera. The sound of a broken glass in the background, confirming his words.

Nadja makes a disgusted face. “Those two little perverts can’t stand away from each other for like, five bloody minutes. It’s so bloody annoying.”

“And irritating.”

“Yes, really irritating.”

“Their fucking ruins our fucking.” Laszlo complains, while Nadja takes his hand, comforting him.

“Laszlo is really sensitive about it,” she explains seriously.

“And the worst thing is,” Laszlo continues “that I heard that Nandor really wants to turn Giz- err, Guillermo, this time. Like for real, he’s not bluffing anymore.”

“Nandor asks us to call Guillermo by his real boring name,” Nadja continues to explain while Laszlo keeps talking.

“So, he turns Guillermo and they will continue to torture us this way for the fucking eternity.”

A door slams upstairs, they both raise their heads, looking up, then sigh.

“Dada!” The camera zooms on a little kid, entering the room riding a tricycle. And that baby has the fucking face of Colin fucking Robinson.

The crew gasps in horror. “Fuck!” Laszlo screams.

“Oh, yes!” Nadja laughs “Colin Robinson is a baby now- ah! Look at your stupid faces, you really have missed a lot. And for what, anyway? A vampire and a werewolf? Wake up, everyone, it’s 2022. And we already did that.”

“He keeps calling me dada,” Laszlo continues, “it’s so fucking creepy.”

“He loves that,” Nadja adds, mocking him.

“He’s always in a mood lately, it’s exhausting.”

“Nandor and Guillermo used to be the most delicious buffet, with all of their unresolved sexual tension, but now-” a thud interruptes her. She sighs again.

“Park?” Laszlo asks her, hopefully.

“Eh,” she says “yes.”

Laszlo claps with enthusiasm since he has finally an excuse to leave the house for a few hours. “Fantastic. BAT!” And with that, he turns into a bat and flies out of the window.

Nadja looks annoyed at the camera. “He does that every time. Come on, Colin Robinson, time for a walk!” She takes – Colin Robinson – in her arm, getting him into a black baby carriage, ready to go out.

Cameras stop filming.