Archive of Our Own ^beta

Alex Potter was sitting outside of a tent in a dense, snowy forest, standing guard. Inside the tent, he could hear his friend Hermione Granger walk around, either cleaning their living space or preparing herself for bed. As he stared at the forest around him, he sighed, remembering how he had ended up in this position.

In the early summer of 1995, the night of the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament had seen the return of the feared Lord Voldemort. Alex himself had been captured by Voldemort when he grabbed the Triwizard Cup and was brought to the graveyard where Voldemort’s father was buried. His blood used in a ritual to bring Voldemort back. He barely managed to escape with his life. His co-champion Cedric Diggory hadn’t and Alex had to bring the body back.

It was also the night everything changed for Alex and his family. They just hadn’t known it yet.

When they first heard of his tale, his parents and his twin brother Harry had been shocked and horrified. His parents stayed by his bedside during his recovery. Meanwhile, his brother had sought comfort in the hands of his girlfriend Hermione.

Alex scoffed to himself. Harry was a bitter point to both he and Hermione. The reason w hy was because Harry was now a Death Eater, a member of Voldemort’s ranks. To this day, the Potters still had no idea why Harry had joined Voldemort’s side . They only had a few hints before it happened, hints they hadn’t put together until it was too late.

First, Harry had started becoming distant with everyone and spent more and more time in private. During their fifth year, it wasn’t rare to be unable to find him. Second, he had broken up with Hermione — the girl he had admitted he loved with all of his heart so many times — shortly after they had taken their O.W.L.s. A few weeks later, he left home, only leaving a small letter behind. His words had been cryptic at best. ‘I left because there is something I need to do.’ he simply said. When they learned a few days later that Harry had joined the Death Eaters, they were shocked to the core. Hermione was inconsolable.

Alex did not see his brother again (as Harry did not go back to school) until the following summer when the Death Eaters got into Hogwarts with Draco Malfoy’s help. Harry had been part of the Death Eaters group that day, and had been the one to murder Dumbledore under Alex’s very eyes in a brutal way. He could still see Dumbledore being nearly decapitated by Harry’s spell, along with the headmaster’s blood which flew everywhere across the Astronomy Tower. Even the other Death Eaters had been shocked by his brutality.

Alex sighed again, turning back to glance inside the tent. Despite what Hermione kept telling everyone, he knew his friend was still in love with his brother. Even though he broke her heart and joined an organization which wanted to either kill or turn her and other muggleborns into slaves, Hermione still loved Harry. She tried to hide it and she denied it whenever the subject came in a conversation, but Alex and his parents knew she still hadn’t moved on. A few weeks ago, when the two decided to get drunk, Hermione had admitted she still believed there was some good in Harry, that the boy they loved still existed somewhere. Alex hadn’t had the heart to tell her otherwise.

And now here they were, standing in the middle of a cold forest, watching in case Snatchers or Death Eaters tried to visit them. Just as Alex began thinking about reading a book to pass the time, he noticed something in the distance. It was a blue-ish white light. The light was moving toward them. Just as it reached fifty feet before him, Alex realized what it was.

“Hermione?” he called. “Did you conjure your patronus?”

“No.” answered Hermione, poking her head out of the tent. “Why would I...” she started before she noticed the otter patronus, which now stood right before them. Seeing it had their attention, the patronus turned and walked away. It stopped to look a them before making a sign of the head.

“It want us to follow it.” said Alex, standing up.

“Alex! Are you sure it’s a good idea?” she chastised, glancing warily at the otter.

“Maybe not but, honestly Hermione, we’re sitting ducks here. I feel like I’m about to go crazy. And, really, what Death Eater can cast a patronus successfully?”

Hermione huffed. “Fine. Don’t come asking for help if it end up being a trap, then.” she said sharply before storming back inside the tent.

Alex took out his wand before following the otter patronus. The otter ran faster than Alex could walk, causing it to stop every ten meters, waiting for him to catch up. It took a few minutes for them to reach where the otter was leading him. He was shocked.

In front of him, impaled in a rock, was the Sword of Gryffindor. At the feet of the sword’s ‘pedestal’ was a shiny-looking diadem which was adorned of beautiful blue stones.

“My god...” whispered Alex, taking a few careful steps forward. The otter had not disappeared and was simply standing, watching him. When he lowered to grab the diadem, the otter suddenly moved and put itself between Alex and the silver crown.

“What?” blurted Alex, withdrawing. “Is it dangerous?” The otter nodded. “What is it?” he asked. As an answer, the otter suddenly levitated upward and moved toward his chest. Then, it pretended to bump its head on Alex’s chest. He frowned for a moment before he realized what the otter was doing. It was trying to get his attention to Slytherin’s Locket, which he currently wore.

“You mean the diadem is a Horcrux?” he gasped. The otter nodded. Finally understanding what he had to do, Alex removed the locket from his person and dropped it next to the diadem. Then, he grabbed the Sword of Gryffindor by the grip and pulled. He was happily surprised when the Sword slid right out of the stone without a fight. Grinning, he did a flourish with the sword. To his amusement, the otter started clapping its paws together like an applause. Laughing, he grabbed the handle of the sword with his two hands and positioned himself over the two hocruxes. Then, he struck, attacking the diadem first.

Alex was forced to take a few steps back as a black cloud looking like Voldemort’s face escaped the diadem with a loud and inhuman shriek. Then, it dissipated and the forest was silent once again.

“Time for the locket, then.” he muttered before he repeated the same action. However, this time, the Sword only produced a sound like a ‘clank’. “Huh?” he blurted, looking at the intact locket. He glanced back to the otter. “Do I have to open it?” he asked.

The otter nodded.

“Great...” he muttered. Alex and Hermione had not been able to open the Locket so far. It was something that had eluded them so far. “How am I supposed to do that?”

The otter looked at him like he was dumb. It then moved to the locket and used a paw to point at the snake. “Parseltongue, of course!” Alex exclaimed. “How did I not think of it!”

Then, glaring at the locket, he said “Open!” in parseltongue. He fell to his bum when the locket opened and a large black cloud escaped. The cloud took the shape of someone who was intimately familiar to Alex, yet someone he hadn’t seen in two years. Someone who looked exactly like him, just with black hair and without a scar on his forehead. His brother Harry. Behind him, he heard a loud gasp, causing him to turn around.

Hermione was standing there, looking at the locket with tears in her eyes.

“Alex Potter and Hermione Granger...” sneered the Harry-apparition. “I am so happy that I am finally rid of the both of you. My idiotic twin brother who love courting danger and the mudblood whore who I pretended to love...” Behind him, he heard Hermione let out a sob. Next to the locket, the patronus otter was shaking its head furiously, as if trying to tell them it wasn’t true at all. Rage filled Alex’s mind and before the fake-Harry could speak again, he swung the sword at the locket, hitting it right inside it. The Harry-apparition shrieked before it vanished.

Alex immediately dropped the sword and went to hug Hermione, who started crying in his shoulder. He could only hold her as he hoped what the Horcrux had said wasn’t true — that his brother Harry had truly loved them.

Just as Hermione’s sobs quieted, the otter crawled toward them and began beaming brightly. Alex suddenly felt good, like he had just been reunited with his family. The otter patronus was filling them with love! From the gasp of awe Hermione had made, he was sure she felt it too. Then, the otter vanished, leaving the two alone in the dark.

“Let’s get you back to the tent.” said Alex softly as he helped his friend back on her feet. Without a word, they made their way back home with the Sword and the now destroyed Horcruxes. They only had two Horcruxes left to go. Nagini and Hufflepuff’s Cup.

The next time Alex saw the otter patronus was two months later, shortly after their escape from Malfoy Manor. In his desperation, Alex hadn’t known where to go and apparated to the only place he felt fully safe: the Potter ancestral home. He knew it was a risky decision as he and Hermione were the Undesirables One and Two and their presence could cause a lot of problems to his family. Thankfully, his parents had not cared about the danger and helped Hermione recover from the torture she went through at the manor.

He had been sitting in Hermione’s room watching as his mother Lily gave Hermione a few potions when the otter appeared once again.

“Did... did Hermione conjure a patronus in her sleep?” asked Lily Potter, interrupting her work.

“No.” answered Alex. “It’s someone else.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know.” he said truthfully, looking at the small translucent otter. “It helped us once in a time of great need.”

“What does it want, then?” asked Lily. Alex shrugged. They watched as the otter took a look of its surroundings. Then, it took a few steps toward his bag at the feet of his chair. It started poking its nose on it.

“Something inside?” asked Alex, grabbing the bag. The otter nodded. Alex opened the bag. “The hell?”

“What is it?” asked Lily, not looking at him. She had resumed healing Hermione.

“There’s a new book inside my backpack. I know it wasn’t there before we were captured.”

Lily froze before she turned. “You think a Death Eater put it there?”

“I do.” said Alex, taking the book out. He read the title. “Christ, it’s about our mission!” he gasped. The title clearly referenced Horcruxes.

The otter levitated up and poked the upper right corner of the book. Looking at it, Alex noticed that two pages had their corners folded. He opened the book at the first folded page.

“You want me to read it?” he asked to the otter. The otter nodded. So, Alex read. As he read, his heart began beating faster and faster. His breathing became more laborious.

The page (and the next, and the next...) were about one particular subject: human Horcruxes. It listed the experiences of people who had once hosted shards of souls, and how it affected and linked them to the person who had made them a Horcrux. It told of how a mental link that couldn’t be blocked with occlumency affected the human Horcrux, and how it allowed the Horcrux to feel when the other was highly emotional. Alex was horrified when he read it, realizing it described his mental link with Voldemort perfectly.

“Oh no...” he whispered, his face bone white. “Oh no!”

“What is it, dear?” asked Lily.

“Nothing!” immediately said Alex, slamming the book shut. He couldn’t tell his mother the truth. She had already lost one son, he wasn’t about to tell her he had to die to defeat Voldemort!

He was distracted from his thoughts when the otter began poking the book again. He remembered that a second page had it’s corner folded and opened the book there. He instantly let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was about a ritual to cleanly remove a Horcrux from someone. He began reading it in earnest.

Chaos reigned everywhere Alex looked. Two hours before, he and Hermione had successfully broken into Gringotts and removed Hufflepuff’s Cup. They had known that the robbery would make Voldemort realize the truth so they immediately went to Hogwarts in case Voldemort decided to check for a Horcrux there.

Hermione hadn’t believed Voldemort would visit Hogwarts but had followed Alex anyway. She had been proved wrong not long after when Voldemort spoke to the entire castle using a Sonorus Charm, asking Alex to surrender himself. He refused and the Battle of Hogwarts begun.

Now, Alex was standing right outside of the Shrieking Shack. He found out Voldemort was hiding inside. He was alone, having lost track of Hermione and his parents (who had joined the battle shortly after it begun) a long time ago. He was surprised when he peaked inside and heard his brother Harry speak.

“My Lord...” said Harry hesitantly. “Are you sure it’s a good idea attack the entire castle? We have nothing to gain...” before he stopped. He heard someone move. Then, Voldemort spoke.

“But it is indeed necessary, Harry.” said Voldemort softly. “You see, there is something I seek inside the castle, something very dear to me.”

“But... why not just ask Severus to find it?” asked Harry.

Voldemort let out a small growl that made Alex shiver. “There is more to it than you understand, Harry.” he said with a tone of warning. “It is not the only reason of our presence either. You know who is here, don’t you?”

“My brother.” said Harry.

“Yes... your brother has been a torn in my side for far too long. It is time we get rid of him. It is what you want, don’t you, Harry?” challenged Voldemort, making Alex clench his fist.

“Yes... my Lord.” answered Harry, shocking Alex. It wasn’t his answer that shocked him, rather the hesitation in his voice. It was subtle, so subtle that he doubted Voldemort noticed it. Yet, Alex heard it because he and Harry had once been all but attached to the hip. Alex knew his brother and the hesitation he heard in his voice told him that Harry did not — in fact — want his brother to die. He had simply said ‘yes’ because he had no other choice.

“Very good, Harry.” said Voldemort. “Soon, the world will be rid of your meddlesome family.”

“...Thank you, my Lord.” said Harry, again sounding hesitant.

“However...” continued Voldemort, bringing a feeling of foreboding to Alex. “There is something else I need of you.”

“Everything you need is yours, my Lord.” said Harry. Alex imagined with disgust his twin brother bowing to Voldemort and kissing his feet.

Voldemort hummed. “I am glad to know.” he said. “You see, I discovered something rather... important these past few weeks. In my quest to become a more powerful wizard, I decided to seek the legendary Elder Wand...”

‘Oh god! No-no-no-no-no!’ cried Alex mentally. He learned of the wand himself during the winter, including how his brother had become its master after defeating its previous owner, Dumbledore. He could already tell where it was going. Voldemort would want the allegiance of the wand at any cost, including his brother’s life.

It seemed his brother realized the same as his voice carried a hint of fear. “The Elder Wand, my Lord?”

“Yes...” said Voldemort. “I can see you know all about it already, don’t you?”

“M-My Lord...”

“How much of a fool was I made seeking the power of this legendary wand while my own servant was its master?” continued Voldemort, ignoring Alex’s twin brother. “How long had I searched for the current owner while he happened to be hiding under my very nose?”

“Master... please...” pleaded Harry.

“SILENCE!” shouted Voldemort, making Alex flinch. “There is only one thing I want from you, Harry Potter, and it is the mastery of the Elder Wand!” he barked before Alex heard the sound of a spell being fired. He was horrified when he heard his brother start to choke as something heavy fell to the floor. “Godspeed, Harry Potter.” said the Dark Lord. “You have been a good servant. It is a shame to see you go... Now, Nagini, come... we will retreat to the forest. And with a sound of apparition, the shack became quiet.

Alex immediately ran out of the tunnel and toward his twin brother. He gasped when he first laid his eyes on him. A large cut was visible on Harry’s throat as blood — a lot of blood — poured from it.

“Harry...” he said before he fell down on his knees at his brother’s side.

“Alex...?” asked Harry with surprise, his eyes in his direction but unfocused.

“I’m here...” he answered. It was the first time they had spoken since Harry joined Voldemort’s ranks. The betrayal had hurt back then and it hurt to see his brother dying because of that very choice. “Why? WHY!?” yelled Alex suddenly, sounding both angry and mourning. “Why did you join him!?”

“I... I had to... Alex...” he said. It infuriated Alex to see his brother look so... calm. He looked at peace with himself. Almost...

“Had to!? What do you mean you had to!?” Alex cried.

“Shut up... please...” pleaded Harry.

“No! You don’t dare asking me to shut up! I loved you! Mum and Dad loved you! Hermione loved you! Yet, you threw all of us away and became a Death Eater!?”

“Just... disarm me, please...” asked Harry, taking out his wand.

“What?” asked Alex, discombobulated at his brother’s complete ignorance of what he just said.

“I... am not... dead... yet.” said Harry slowly. “Voldemort will get... mastery of the wand... if I die. Disarm me... please...”

Alex looked at his brother with wide eyes. “Why are you trying to pass the power of the wand to me? Don’t you want your master to have it?” he said bitterly.

“Please...” pleaded his brother. “Just... do it.”

Despite not wanting to give his brother the satisfaction of obeying him, he knew he couldn’t let Voldemort get the power of the Elder Wand. So, reluctantly, Alex disarmed his brother. Harry’s wand flew across the room and Harry let out a sigh of relief. “Thank... you...”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Alex said icilly.

Harry snorted. “I know.” he said. Then, he raised a hand and pointed toward his stomach. “Inside my robes... a journal... read it with the family... you will get... the... answers... you... are... looking... for...” said Harry weakly.

It suddenly hit Alex that his brother was about to die. His twin brother, the boy who had been by his side since they were babies, the boy he had played with, pranked with, confided in, was about to die! Suddenly, Alex did not want to fight him. He did not want to yell at him.

“Please... don’t die...!” gasped Alex as tears formed in his eyes.

Harry simply smiled. “I did my part. Will you?” finished Harry before he closed his eyes.

Doing his very best not to cry his eyes out, Alex opened his brother’s robes and found the journal he had mentioned. It was small and thin, barely the size of his hand. He put it in his bag before he turned and walked away, not capable of sparing a last glance to his dead brother.

Lord Voldemort was dead. The war was finally over. It had ended when Alex had gone and confronted the Dark Lord in the middle of the Great Hall. He spoke confidently to Voldemort, taunting him. He also revealed along the way that he talked to his brother before he died and gained mastery of the Elder Wand by defeating him. Voldemort had been enraged and cast the killing curse. Alex cast his own spell and the killing curse rebounded, killing the Dark Lord and freeing Britain.

Now, the Great Hall was full of celebrating people. But Alex wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. He had gone outside shortly after Voldemort’s defeat. His mind replaying his brother’s last moments. “I did my part. Will you?” Those had been Harry’s last words. What had he meant? It couldn’t possibly be about his role as a Death Eater — his brother knowing full well Alex did not support those ideas. So what had he meant?

“Alex?” said a weak sounding voice to his left. Alex looked up to see Hermione sitting down next to him.

“Hermione.” he said. “How are you?”

But Hermione did not answer. She looked lost in her own thoughts. He had expected her to celebrate the end of Voldemort with their friends, but she hadn’t.

“Was it true... what you said about him?” she asked, not looking at him.

It took Alex a few seconds to understand who ‘him’ was. “Harry?” he asked.

“Yes.” said Hermione. “Is it true? Is he truly...” She choked. “Dead?”

Alex looked away from her. “Yes.” he said simply. Hermione buried her face in her hands and began sobbing. Alex brought an arm around her shoulders.

“Why!?” she cried. “Why did he do it!?”

“I don’t know, Hermione.” sighed Alex. “I don’t know...”

Alex knew he might have the key to understanding Harry’s decision in his bag, but he couldn’t tell Hermione. He didn’t know how she would react if she read how he turned into someone who hated muggleborns like her. She was already heartbroken. She didn’t deserve it.

So, Alex didn’t tell her about the journal. He simply held her as she cried in his shoulder, hoping both of them could move on from Harry.

Later that morning, James and Lily brought Alex and Hermione back to the Potter ancestral home to allow them to rest. As he hadn’t slept in nearly forty-eight hours by that point, Alex immediately went to bed and forgot all about his brother’s journal.

Alex was woken up in the early evening as his mother brought some food in his room. Alex gratefully accepted it and ate it. He was having small talk with his mother when he realized something.

“Mum... do you know about Harry?” he asked slowly.

“Yes...” Lily answered simply, looking at the verge of tears. Alex didn’t ask any other questions and finished his meal in silence. Shortly after his mother left the room, he returned to sleep.

Alex only remembered about Harry’s journal the following afternoon. By that point, Hermione had already left the house, taking a portkey straight to Australia to find her parents. Alex had proposed to join her on her trip but Hermione refused, explaining she wanted to use the opportunity to have some time for herself. Alex hadn’t fought her over it, understanding her point of view. They spent every waking hour of the last ten months together, so it made sense she would want time for herself. He also knew Hermione needed the time alone to grieve. He, along with his parents, wished her good luck and seen her off.

Alex picked up his brother’s journal, passing it from hand to hand. He didn’t know if he should read it alone or not. Harry told him they would find the answer to their questions inside. However, he was hesitating to read it with his parents for the same reason he hadn’t told Hermione about it. His mother was muggleborn, after all.

Sighing, Alex decided it would be better if they did read it together. Grabbing the small journal, he walked out of his room and went downstairs to find his parents. He found them rather quickly as they were sitting in the parlour, holding each other in silence.

“Mum? Dad?” he asked quietly.

James looked up. “What is it, Alex?”

“Huh... well... before Harry died,” he said with a small hesitation at the word ‘died’. “He gave me a journal, telling me I should read it with you.” he explained, gaining the attention of his parents. “He told me it would give us the answers we are looking for...”

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” asked Lily with tears in her eyes. Alex looked down.

“I forgot, at first.” he admitted sheepishly. “When I remembered, I hesitated because I didn’t know if it was a good idea.”

“Do you have it with you?” asked James.

“Yes.” Alex said, showing them the small journal. Lily took it almost reverently. From the way she was looking at it, you wouldn’t be able to tell it came from a Death Eater.

“Should we read it together?” she asked softly, looking at her husband and son. Both nodded so Lily opened it at the first page “The first date is the 26^th of July 1995.” she said.

“Two days after the Third Task...” said Alex, making his mother nod. She began reading...

To whoever is reading this, I am writing this journal as a safeguard in the case I either fall or get arrested after Lord Voldemort’s defeat.

Last night, I was asked by Headmaster Dumbledore to come to his office. I wasn’t sleeping, having nightmares about what my twin brother Alex had to go through when Voldemort was resurrected. In hindsight, a small part of me wish I had not decided to come, but I know I have no other choice than to accept his plan.

“What is that plan?” you might be asking yourselves. It was something very surprising, I have to admit. When Dumbledore called me to his office, I certainly wasn’t expecting it.

Dumbledore has been worried since the Third Task. It is understandable, of course. Voldemort would be a pain in the arse to deal with... I should get used not to call him an arse — or by his made-up name now that I think of it. It could cost me my life.

Anyway, where was I? Right, Dumbledore’s plan. In short, Dumbledore asked me to come because he is worried Snape’s position in the Death Eaters is compromised. Dumbledore believes Voldemort know Snape is a spy and will want to punish him. A spy in Voldemort’s ranks is not something our side can afford to loose. So, Dumbledore came up with a new plan. He proposed his plan quite simply. All he needed was my decision whether I wanted to go through it or not.

Dumbledore decided I should join the Death Eaters as a spy.

Lily stopped reading as the three Potters stared at the journal in shock. “Harry was a spy for Dumbledore?” gasped James.

“It make so much sense...” Alex gasped. Of course it did! Much more than the idea Harry genuinely wanted to join him!

“Harry, no!” cried Lily. “Why did you do it!?” she sobbed. Seeing his mother would be in no state to read aloud, Alex grabbed the journal from her hands. “I’ll continue reading, alright? Maybe Harry explain in more details...”

“Read on, son.” said James simply, rubbing a hand on the back of his wife.

He told me that, should I accept, I will go to Voldemort saying I am jealous of the fame my brother has as the Boy-Who-Lived while also lie about how my parents are blinded by my brother’s fame and neglected their other son in an attempt to pamper to the Boy-Who-Lived — bla bla bla. It was what Dumbledore want me to tell Voldemort, along with other rubbish, in the hope I will be allowed to join him and become a Death Eater. Dumbledore believes Voldemort would not be able to pass the opportunity to have the twin brother of Alex Potter as one of his servants.

I was shocked when I heard Dumbledore’s idea. My first instinct was to refuse, as I want nothing to do with his Dark Arseness. It was exactly what I told to the Headmaster but, before I could leave, he stopped me. He began talking about how spying on the Dark Lord would allow me to protect my family and how, if I didn’t go through with the plan, my brother and my parents would be in grave danger.

I knew he was trying to guilt-trip me into his scheme and I nearly took his head off for it. Unfortunately, I also knew he was right. If I accepted and spied on Voldemort, I would be able to learn important information that, in good hands, could help save people, including my family.

I was nearly sold at that point, but I had a last problem. I asked Dumbledore what should my family and my girlfriend Hermione be told about it. Dumbledore was truthful with me, saying anyone I trusted — apart from Alex — could be told. I was incensed at his refusal to tell my brother and asked why Alex couldn’t know. Dumbledore explained that Alex had a mental link with Voldemort and that, should he know from reading Alex’s mind that I was a spy, then the whole operation would be compromised along with me being put in grave danger. I knew he spoke the truth and that Alex couldn’t know, despite how much it hurt me to admit it.

As for the others, I thought about it. Then I realized I couldn’t tell them either. If Alex couldn’t know, then neither could Mum and Dad. Alex is like me and if he suspected our parents were hiding something from him, he would feel betrayed. It would cause a rift in the family. This is not something I want. The family will already be fractured as a result of my actions. I don’t want to make it worse. Mum and Dad wouldn’t accept Dumbledore’s plan anyway, forbidding me from taking part in it.

It only left Hermione. For the longest time, I didn’t know whether I should tell her or not. The fact is that I’m completely and utterly in love with her. Like madly in love. Dad once said Potters men had a thing for beautiful, bookworm women. I don’t know if he is right, but it certainly describe his own relationship with Mum (along with mine and Hermione’s) perfectly. This morning, just before I began writing this entry, I decided not to tell her. Part of it was for the same reason I didn’t want Mum and Dad to know it. It would cause a rift between Alex and Hermione, something I didn’t want as neither had many friends. Another thing was that me becoming a spy would be highly risky and I didn’t want Hermione to worry herself to death about me. Also, if my attachments for her were ever discovered, it would paint a huge target on her back.

It is for the same reason I came up with the heartbreaking decision to break up with Hermione. I don’t know what Voldemort would ask me to do if he knew I had a relationship with a muggleborn. Whatever it would be won’t be good and Hermione could only be protected if she didn’t catch the eyes of the Death Eaters, something that would be assured if I was dating her.

It is now the morning and I plan on going back to the Headmaster’s office and accept Dumbledore’s plan. I can only hope Hermione and my family will forgive me when this is all over...

“Harry, you noble bastard!” yelled Alex both in relief and horror as he jumped to his feet. Relieved Harry had never been a true Death Eater but horrified by what Dumbledore had basically manipulated him to do.

“Dumbledore threw my son at the Death Eaters! That bastard!” cried James furiously. In his arms, Alex’s mother was crying her heart out.

Lily looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. “T-That b-bastard is l-lucky he’s already d-dead or I w-would have k-killed him m-myself!” she sobbed. “Why, Harry? Why d-did you a-accept!?” she said before she began sobbing again, mourning the boy she had raised and loved.

“Because Harry was a good man.” said James emotionally, hugging Lily. “He wanted the best for our family and was ready to sacrifice everything he valued to make sure we had a happy future. I’m so proud of him...”

“So am I, Dad.” said Alex, looking out in the window. “So am I...”

His mind was filled with thoughts about what they had just read. He wasn’t even angry with his brother’s decision, knowing he would have done the exact same in his position. He only wished he hadn’t got himself killed and was there to tell them in person instead.

A few minutes later, once Lily’s cries had subsidized, Alex asked “Should I continue reading?” James and Lily nodded, so Alex sat back down and opened the journal at the second entry.

“This one is dated to the 6^th of July 1996.” he said.

“That’s just after he left home!!” said Lily in shock.

“It seam Harry forgot to update his journal for a year...” said Alex before he began to read.

I did it. As much as it pains me to say it, I did it.

As you can guess by the date, I just completed my fifth year.

Dumbledore was right a year ago when he theorized Voldemort did not thrust Snape anymore. While he is still a Death Eater, he has been excluded from anything major. It became quickly imperative that I took my place as the Order’s spy before our side turned blind to the actions of Voldemort.

For the ten months, whenever I could, I trained with the headmaster or Snape. They were the only two who knew the truth about me. Nearly every night, after the classes were over, I would go to the Room of Requirement — a nice room that Dumbledore had discovered (among others) — to train. Dumbledore taught me Voldemort’s past and combat/defensive spells while Snape taught me how to lie, how to keep a mask, how to be a Death Eater and everything else I needed to know to become a successful spy. A few days every month, instead of training, I would go and talk to fellow students who sympathized with Voldemort’s idas and planned to join them — like Draco Malfoy — in the hope they would accept me, making joining the Death Eaters a lot easier.

In all honesty, I hated it. I knew I would have to cut-off all contact with my loved ones soon and I wanted to spend every remaining minute I could with Hermione and Alex. Unfortunately, the training took most of my free time, meaning I couldn’t enjoy the limited time I had left of my relationship with Hermione before the inevitable happened.

And it did happen. A week ago, just before Alex and I left the Hogwarts Express, I broke both mine and Hermione’s hearts by ending our relationship. I was heartbroken by the look she gave me after I told her. It was full of shock, betrayal, pain... it made me want to burst out crying and admit everything to her. I wanted to grab her and tell her Dumbledore had recruited me to become a spy, that I really loved her and only wanted to protect her. But I couldn’t. I could only stay still and watch as Hermione ran away, crying. I try not to think of this too much — though that moment has now been hunting my dreams. From time to time, I wish I had a time-turner and could turn back to stop myself from breaking up with her. But, even if I could, I wouldn’t. It would just put her in unnecessary danger if we were still in a relationship.

“Oh, Harry, you stupid, noble prat.” said James, shaking his head.

“My poor baby...” whispered Lily.

A few days later, I decided it was time for me to leave home. Alex, along with Mum and Dad, knew I had broken up with Hermione and I could see the looks of disbelief they kept giving me, even if they tried to hide it. I knew they were judging me and trying to understand why I pushed the girl I loved away. I couldn’t bear looking at their faces, ashamed of what I had been forced to do. It was painful and torturous, like a constant reminder of what I had to give up for Dumbledore’s plan to work.

Alex, James and Lily all winced. “I didn’t know he noticed us... or that it was hurting him so much...” said Lily quietly.

“He’s like me. Of course he would have.” said Alex, feeling stupid for not realizing earlier.

I was happy I hadn’t unpacked my trunk as all I had to do was to grab it and leave. I left a last note to my family, telling them there was something I had to do. I know they won’t expect me joining the Death Eaters to be the answer. I can only hope they will understand once everything is over — if they are even willing to listen to me, that is.

“Of course we would have!” said James. Alex looked at his father in disbelief.

“Would we?” he asked, making his parents look at him. “I mean — I remember how angry you were Dad back when we found out. You seemed just about ready to disown him.” he said, making his father look down in shame. “Even now, the only reason we’re accepting him at his word is because... well because he’s dead.” Lily let out a small whimper at the word. “If he wasn’t, would we have listened to him? I don’t think so. I’m not surprised Harry didn’t believe it either. In fact, I think the only one who would have been willing to hear him out would have been Hermione.” he sighed. “Christ, she’s going to be so distraught when she’ll learn the truth.” He could already see the tears and hear the cries Hermione would produce when she would read the journal.

“Poor girl...” said James. “She still hasn’t moved on, has she?” he asked. Alex shook his head.

“Can we continue?” asked Lily. Alex nodded and continued reading where he was.

I left that very night. I couldn’t bring myself to look back to what I was literally leaving behind. I was not only leaving my family, but my love for them and everything that made me who I was: Harry Potter, the son of James and Lily, the twin brother of Alex Potter and the best friend and boyfriend of Hermione Granger. From now on until the end of the war — or until the story of my life ends — I will be Harry Potter, Death Eater and the black sheep of the Potter family.

Once I left the wards, I took a portkey Professor Dumbledore had given me. I met him back in Hogwarts and I began preparing myself to become one of Voldemort’s Death Eaters.

I will wrap up this entry. Dumbledore is waiting for me in his office. Today is the day we will make our first move to join the Death Eaters. I can only hope I won’t be killed almost immediately.

“Oh, Harry...” sniffed Lily. “I so wish you had come to us...”

“He couldn’t, though.” said Alex, pointing out the obvious.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t wish otherwise.” said Lily, making her red-haired son nod.

“I can’t believe Harry was willing to do so much for us.” said James, shaking his head. “I always knew he had a noble heart, but to abandon everything he held dear...? It should have been our job to ensure he was happy and safe, not the other way around.” said Alex’s father regretfully.

“I would have done the same.” admitted Alex, making his parents look at him with wide eyes. “It’s hard to explain but if Harry was anything like me — which I know he was — then he wouldn’t have been able to stand still and watch as the lives of the girl he loved and his own mother were put at risk by those in power, nor would he have been able to stand still while his twin brother had to risk his life because of a prophecy muttered by a drunkard. Harry, he went with Dumbledore’s plan because he wanted to fight. He wanted to do his part. I understand why he did it and had our positions been reversed, I would have done the same.” he said before he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “The only thing I regret is that I didn’t know the truth until he was too late. I mean, I shouted at him while he was dying in front of me. He was bleeding to death, yet I was yelling at him to explain why he had joined the Death Eaters!” burst Alex, jumping on his feet. He wiped his eyes, which had begun to tear. “Now Harry is gone. He probably died believing we all hated him, despite everything he sacrificed for us!”

Lily left her husband’s embrace and also stoop up to take her son in her arms. Alex immediately began crying as he unloaded all the emotional pain he had felt since his brother had died. In his ear, he could hear his mother was not fearing any better. He was not surprised. While Alex and his father had all but given up on his brother, Alex’s mother hadn’t. She had still loved Harry with all of her heart until the end. To know that her son had been a good man who had died believing his family hated him must be eating her on the inside.

Alex felt another pair of arms encircle them. His father embraced the remnant of his family as they mourned the boy — no — the man who had sacrificed so much for them.

Eventually, the three Potters all let go of each other. Alex turned away from his family to wipe his eyes. Then, he grabbed Harry’s journal and went back to sit down. His parents followed him, taking back the places they had occupied.

Without asking, Alex began reading the next entry. “It’s dated a few days later.” he said with an almost emotionless voice.

I want to throw up. the entry began. Alex looked up to see his concern for Harry reflected in his parents’ eyes. He looked down and began reading again.

I want to throw up. Today was my ‘initiation’ into the Death Eaters. Despite everything Dumbledore and Snape told me about them, they never once mentioned how one joined the Death Eaters! I can only assume Snape was too ashamed of what he had once done, but I wish Dumbledore had been transparent with me. It wouldn’t have been so much of a shock if I knew what to expect.

“Oh, Harry... what did you have to go through?” whispered James, glancing at his wife with concern. She had taken the information in the journal a lot worse than her husband and son. Unlike the men in her life, Lily Potter was no fighter. She had never truly been part of a war — at least not as a warrior. During both wars, her role had centred around healing and gathering intelligence.

Alex looked down at the journal. “The handwriting is shakier here.” he blurted quietly. Gulping with dread, he continued reading.

For the initiation... god, I wish I didn’t have to write it on paper. I wish I could forget. But the people have to know how similar to wild, rabid animals Death Eaters are.

The initiations are done in groups. Four recruits and two marked Death Eaters. We weren’t able to learn who was in our group, as we were fully dressed in Death Eater regalia — robes, masks and all.

For the initiation, the two Death Eaters bring the four recruits for ‘muggle-hunting’ as they like to call it. The goal is to find a muggle family and torture everyone inside. Then, the men would be killed while the women would be captured to later be used as sex slaves.

“These bastards!” exclaimed James, outraged and furious at what the Death Eaters did.

“My poor baby!” said Lily, in tears once more. “What horrors did you have to witness, to take part in?” Thankfully for her, the next words Alex read were able to reassure her slightly.

There is one thing I like with the initiations though, and it’s the fact that people are sent in small groups. It make it much easier to manipulate what happens to save the innocents.

When it was time for my group to be sent out, we were sent to target the relatives of a muggleborn witch a few years younger than me. From what someone at school had reported, the muggleborn witch had two sisters and one brother. Our mission was to torture and kill both the brother and the father before capturing the witch, her two sisters and her mother.

I wrote earlier that I could manipulate the truth. Unfortunately, I can only do so with the use of confundus and compulsion charms. I cannot obliviate the recruits or Death Eaters to be made to forget. Voldemort is the one to grant his servants the mark and before doing it, he read the mind of the two Death Eaters he sent to see how it went. If I obliviated them, Voldemort would notice immediately and would trace it back to me. Of course, it wasn’t the only problem. I can only obliviate one person at a time, leaving the others time to attack me.

So, when we apparated at the home and immediately witnessed the three girls and their mothers together, I knew it would be nearly impossible not to bring them with us without losing my cover. For the men, I had planned to use confundus charms on the recruits and Death Eaters to make them believe they had tortured and killed them along with a confundus to make them believe the women weren’t in the house and a compulsion not to go look anywhere else. Unfortunately, luck was not on my side and the five others in my group immediately noticed all three girls and the woman.

When we appeared in their parlour, the girls immediately began screaming in fear. The father and the brother immediately barged into the room. Scaring and relieving me at the same time, the father had a handgun in his hand. I, along with one recruit and one of the Death Eaters, immediately ducked and hid behind walls or furniture while the man opened fire. The other Death Eater, like the pureblood idiot he probably was, did not think the handgun could be harmful as it was a muggle invention. It cost him his life, along with the other two recruits.

While the father was opening fire on the rest of the group, I cast a powerful compulsion on everyone to only cast stunning spells. Then, when the father and brother fell down to the spells, I confunded them into believing they were dead.

Another thing I did was to stun all three girls, making the recruit and the Death Eater believing them to be dead. Unfortunately, I could not spare or save every single one of them. If I had ‘killed’ the mother as well, our group would most certainly have — at best — been sent back on another mission to hurt and capture another innocent family or — at worse — been executed by Voldemort for our failure. Even worse, Voldemort would certainly have found the truth later on, which would have made him send Death Eaters back to the family so that they wouldn’t escape his ‘wrath’, which would have resulted in what I had been trying to prevent all along.

To avoid raising alarm in Voldemort and causing him to be suspicious, it meant I couldn’t not let everyone go. It meant the woman had to be sacrificed to save the rest of her family...

I hate what I was forced to do. I hate what I decided to do. I hate what I have become.

I was happy I was wearing a mask and a hood as it allowed me to cry freely without anyone seeing me.

I do not know what happened to the woman, though she was most likely put in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor where the rest of the prisoners were. I considered doing a ‘prison break’ but I knew I couldn’t as it would destroy my cover.

I do not think about her. I do not want to. I know it would only make me sick. I already feel like I want to throw up because of what happened tonight.

I hate my life. I wish I could go back in time and shake my younger self, to tell him to refuse Dumbledore’s offer. But I can’t, and it’s too late to walk back. I’m officially a Death Eater. I was granted the Dark Mark. There is no going back.

I hate myself.

Alex looked away from the journal, his eyes in tears. He could feel through the words and the way they were written how much self-loathing Harry had. Beside him, his mother had her face in her hands, crying freely about what her son had to go through. She was in James’ arms, who looked like he was trying — and failing — to stay strong for the sake of his family.

All three stayed silent for several minutes, none knowing what to say. Eventually, it was Alex who broke the silence.

“Do you... do you hate him, for what he had to do?” he tried tentatively. He flinched when his mother shouted a loud ‘NO!’ which nearly ruptured his eardrums.

“Of course we don’t hate him, Alex!” said James, aghast that his son might even consider the possibility.

“I was just worried...” said Alex, trying to explain himself. He swept a hand through his messy, auburn hair. “I know in his position I would have done the same as him. It would also have destroyed me on the inside. Harry didn’t write it but I know he was worried whether you would hate him for what he was forced to do — or rather what he was forced to let happen — to keep his cover, even once you know the truth.”

Lily shook her head vehemently. “No, I could never hate him. He did his best to save everyone.” she said. Alex nodded.

He remembered when he had watched the memory Snape had given him in the pensieve. The Death Eater spy had given it to him while Alex was coming back from the Shrieking Shack. Snape had known Alex wouldn’t have taken him for his word, so he had given him a memory instead and told him to watch it in the Headmaster’s pensieve. The memory had been about Dumbledore and Snape discussing the Horcrux in his head and how Alex had to die to destroy it. As Alex had already had it removed thanks to the book a Death Eater had put in his bag (which he now heavily suspected being his brother Harry), he had only been enraged at the headmaster’s betrayal and tried to forget about it.

However, one thing had stuck with Alex during the memory. It was the answer Snape had given to Dumbledore when he had asked how many men and women he had seen die. Snape’s answer had been “Lately, only those whom I could not save.” His brother was in the same boat. He had been forced to take part in capturing, torturing and murdering simply because not everyone could be saved. It had a horrible truth, but one Alex understood.

Alex rubbed his face, trying to gather the courage to continue reading. “The next entry is dated to Christmas of 1996.” he said simply.

“Alex... give it to me.” said James, extending a hand toward his son.

“I can read, Dad.” said Alex on a defensive tone.

“I know but... you shouldn’t have to be the only one to read it. You can listen too. I can hear how your voice break with every entry you read.”

Alex was forced to acknowledge his father was right. Reading what his brother had to go through only made him develop a lump in his throat. It became harder and harder to read. “Alright.” he sighed, giving the journal to his father. Then, he leaned on his mother, seeking her comfort. Lily instinctively put an arm around her son’s shoulders and held him as James began reading.

I just learned a shocking truth today. When I first began writing this journal, it was only to be used as a safeguard in the case I was captured or killed. I wrote it in the hope people would learn the truth. If I survive, it might just be enough to further an investigation, allowing me to ask to be interrogated under Veritaserum. If I die.. well, it would at least allow my family to know the truth about me. It would allow me to rest peacefully, having hopefully earned their forgiveness.

“You already have, Harry.” said Lily emotionally, smiling slightly. James gave a kiss on the top of her head before he continued reading.

I just came back from a meeting with Dumbledore and the old man seemed to make it his mission to shock me into having a heart attack. He told me practically everything he knew, along with giving me orders I wish I did not have to go through. I feel overwhelmed and since I can’t just talk to Alex or Mum and Dad and vent, I decided I would write in this journal instead.

Alex looked down, remembering all the times he and Harry had opened their hearts to one another. The Potter twins did not spend all of their time together like their friends the Weasley twins. They were more independent. It meant that they had experiences they did not share with the other. Their talks had allowed them to become as close as brothers could be. Alex felt sad that he and Harry hadn’t been able to talk to each other during the hardest part of their lives.

First, I learned that the headmaster is currently teaching my brother Alex — and by proxy Hermione, I presume — about Voldemort’s past. That in itself wasn’t shocking to hear. What is shocking are the reasons Dumbledore is teaching my brother all of this.

Dumbledore is dying.

“He was!?” gasped James.

“That must explain why Harry killed him.” said Alex, finally understanding how the headmaster could have been killed by his own spy. “I would bet my entire Gringotts trust vault that Dumbledore told him to kill him as it would secure and further Harry’s position in Voldemort’s ranks. Dumbledore wouldn’t even see it as a sacrifice on his part if he was already dying.”

“He would see it as dying on his terms rather than being killed.” said Lily knowingly, making the two men nod.

“Dumbledore was crazy like that.” blurted Alex, making his father chuckle.

“Yes he was.” said James before he began reading again.

Dumbledore is dying. This came as a huge shock when the headmaster told me. It was even worse when Dumbledore asked me a favour. Something Dumbledore knew but that I had completely missed was that Draco Malfoy had been assigned by the Dark Lord to assassinate him, something the headmaster did not want to happen. Dumbledore said he wanted to spare the taint on Malfoy’s soul. Then, the old fool asked me to kill him instead.

“WHAT!? What about my son’s soul, you bloody goat!?” burst an outraged Lily. “You were fine with sparing the soul of Lucius Malfoy’s son but not mine!?”

“Mum, calm down.” said Alex, grabbing her hand. “I’m sure Harry did not simply let Dumbledore go with it and probably asked the same thing. I have no doubts Dumbledore must have had an explanation to satisfy him. While the headmaster had many faults, I don’t believe asking a teenager to damage his soul was one of them.

He was proven right when James continued reading.

I was shocked about what Dumbledore wanted me to do, and angry. Why did he believe it was fine for my soul to be tainted? Damaged? With his annoying twinkle of the eyes, Dumbledore simply told me I alone could know if allowing an old man to die on his terms would damage my soul. It was not something I could contradict. If Malfoy killed Dumbledore, he would live with the rest of his life with the belief he had murdered someone. If I did, I would know it was Dumbledore’s wish and that the old man was already dying. I would know I had not ended Dumbledore’s life early, rather allowed him to dictate how it ended.

My next question was on what Dumbledore’s death had to do with what my brother was teaching. Why was knowing the Dark Lord’s past so important to Alex? I knew of it but that was because I was working in his ranks. I needed to know how the Dark Lord thought to stay conspicuous and avoid pushing his buttons.

The answer shocked me once again. While he hadn’t reached that part with Alex yet, Dumbledore was teaching my brother about the Dark Lord’s past because he planned to have him continue an important mission Dumbledore was working on.

The Dark Lord has Horcruxes. Dumbledore want Alex to find them once he is gone.

“HorcruxES!?” yelled James, making Alex and Lily jump. “That’s what you and Hermione had been doing during the past year!? Hunting down Horcruxes!?”

Wincing, Alex answered. “Yes. We had to destroy them before we could defeat Voldemort for good.”

“What are Horcruxes?” asked Lily. Glancing warily at each other, the two Potter males explained. At the end of their explanation, Lily turned toward her son and asked “Why didn’t you tell anyone else?”

Alex could only look down. “Dumbledore wanted it to remain an absolute secret. He feared if someone else knew, word would go back to Voldemort, who would move the Horcruxes to other locations.”

Lily moaned, her face in her hands. “What is it with my sons doing dangerous missions for Dumbledore without telling anyone?” she said, making Alex flinch.

“Sorry, Mum.” he said quietly. Lily simply hummed and made a sign to James to continue reading.

Dumbledore theorized the Dark Lord wanted to make six Horcruxes, though he doesn’t know for sure. He believes only Horace Slughorn — the currently Potions professor at Hogwarts — and the Dark Lord himself know the answer. I was told one of the reasons Dumbledore had hired Slughorn back in Hogwarts was to get the answer to that question (along with freeing Snape from being the Potions teacher, allowing him to teach Defence instead). Dumbledore told me he would ask Alex to get the information from him, believing Slughorn was more likely to tell his favourite student than his employer.

“Did he?” asked James.

“He did. The answer was six Horcruxes to divide his soul in seven pieces, like Dumbledore had said.” confirmed Alex.

“How did Professor Slughorn even know in the first place?” asked Lily.

“Slughorn was one of Voldemort’s teachers and the head of Slytherin back when Tom Riddle was a student. Riddle went and asked Slughorn whether it was possible to make that many Horcruxes, pretending he was just curious about the theory.” said Alex. “That’s how he knew.”

The last and biggest shock of the night came when I asked him what the Horcruxes were, and where he believed they were hidden.

Dumbledore didn’t know much about the Dark Lord’s Horcruxes. Most of his knowledge was simply theories from what he was able to deduce. However, Dumbledore believe that the six objects he made as Horcruxes are this:

Tom Riddle’s Diary, which Alex destroyed in second year.

Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, which was destroyed by Dumbledore — though not before it gave him a lethal curse.

Salazar Slytherin’s Locket

Helga Hufflepuff’s Cup

Something from Rowena Ravenclaw — which Dumbledore believe to be the lost Diadem.

And his pet snake Nagini herself.

“My god...” gasped Lily. “All these historical artifacts simply... corrupted.”

Dumbledore doesn’t know where the founders’ items are located, and Nagini is inaccessible to him, so he was in a bit of a hurdle. I remember proposing that I could kill Nagini, but Dumbledore refused, believing it would blow my cover and put me in unnecessary danger. I didn’t tell him but I decided at that moment that I would do my own research and find the Horcruxes myself. Two hands were better than one, after all.

Alex gasped, his eyes widening. He finally understood who the otter patronus belonged to! He had known for so long that it looked exactly like Hermione’s, yet he had never made the connection! It made so much sense now that he thought about it! Patroni could change when one went through an emotional and/or life-changing ordeal and he had no doubt it was the case for his brother. His love for Hermione must have been his rock during that period in his life! It also meant he had given him the Sword of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw’s Diadem when he and Hermione had been on the Hunt. It made so much sense!

“Alex? What is it?” asked James.

“Nothing.” immediately answered his son. “Just continue reading.”

However, the real shock came after this. I could tell Dumbledore wasn’t telling me the whole truth when he spoke of six Horcruxes. It took some time but Dumbledore eventually admitted he was hiding something. He was simply wondering if it was a good thing to tell me or not. He caved in and told me.

Alex glanced at his parents with worry. He groaned internally. He had a very good idea what Dumbledore had told Harry and he already knew how his parents would react.

I almost wish I could obliviate myself, though it would do nobody no good. Dumbledore admitted the Dark Lord had made a seventh Horcrux, an accidental one, one he had never meant to make.

When the Dark Lord tried to kill Alex at our grandparents’ house in 1981, a piece of his soul broke off and went toward the only living-

James stopped reading. “No... NO!” he yelled. “Don’t- don’t tell me you were a Horcrux!” he said to his son. Lily gasped, not having immediately realized where Harry was going in his tale.

Alex sighed. “I was.” he simply answered.

“I think I’m going to barf.” said Lily immediately before she bolted out of the room, her face green and her eyes full of tears. A few seconds later, Alex winced when he heard her retch before she burst out crying. James immediately jumped to his feet and went to Lily, leaving Alex alone in the room.

Alex sighed, rubbing his face. “Really, Harry?” he said to no one. “You really had to write this in the journal you were planning to give to our parents? Thanks, you jerk.” he joked.

Alex decided it was his turn to help his mother and followed his family out of the room. However, unlike his parents, he did not go to the nearest bathroom. Rather, he went to the kitchen, where he filled a large glass of water. Then, he went to the bathroom. As the door was already wide open, he simply knocked on the door-frame before looking inside.

He saw that his mother was sitting in his father’s lap. James was himself sitting on the toilet. “I brought some water for you, Mum.” he said when they turned toward him.

Lily gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you, Alex.” she said before she grabbed the glass. She drank a long sip before she asked “Is it... is it gone?”

Alex nodded. “Yes. It is. Hermione and I were able to remove it.”

Both of his parents sighed in relief. “Good to know.” said James.

“Should we head back to the parlour, then?” he asked. Lily nodded and left James’ lap, allowing him to raise on his feet. Together, the three Potters returned to their previous seats. It was Alex who continued reading after a small protest from his father.

—a piece of his soul broke off and went toward the only living thing in the room: Alex. Alex was a Horcrux! It was a complete shock when Dumbledore told me. I remember asking him numbly how he was planning to remove it. I was furious when he told me his solution.

Alex snorted, knowing from Snape’s memory what that solution was.

I call it a solution but the truth is that Dumbledore didn’t have a fucking clue how to remove the Horcrux! In fact, his plan was simply to ask Alex to let the Dark Lord hit him with a Killing Curse, and hope for the best!

“WHAT!?” exclaimed James and Lily.

“Please tell me you didn’t...!” said James. Alex shook his head, making his parents sigh in relief.

“Snape gave me a memory of a conversation he and Dumbledore had on this very subject during the battle a few days ago, not knowing I was already aware of the Horcrux or that I had found a way to remove it safely without risking my life.” he said.

“That bastard Dumbledore is lucky he’s already dead or I would have killed him myself!” said Lily angrily.

“I believe you already said that, Mum.” said Alex with a hint of amusement.

“Then you know I would go through with it if I could!” she said with a fire in her eyes.

“Right...” said her son. He cleared his throat before he continued reading.

I was completely and absolutely furious with the headmaster. When I accepted Dumbledore’s plan to become his spy in the Death Eaters, it was with the notion that I would help protect my loved ones: my parents, Hermione and ALEX! Yet, Dumbledore was planning his death all along!? For a brief moment, I gave up. I told him to stuff it and to find a spy somewhere else. I was no longer willing to put my life at risk if he was planning for my brother to die. I think I told him this:

“You already plan for one Potter to die. I’m not going to let you kill this Potter as well and leave my Mum and Dad as bereaved parents.”

James let out a laugh. “You tell him, Harry!”

“Yes, you tell him, Harry!” laughed Lily. Unfortunately, her laughter dissolved into tears. “Gosh... I m-miss him s-so m-much!” she cried. Alex could only grab her hand in support and stay strong for her. He would mourn later — once he was in private. He had no doubts his father would do the same.

Dumbledore stopped me from leaving, though. He told me that should I leave now out of nowhere, the Dark Lord will become highly suspicious and would be likely to attack my family again, believing I had returned to them. I wanted to yell at him for trying to guilt-trip me like he had done the day he told me his plan, but, just like that day, I knew he was right. I hated it and I hated him. I told him quite frankly that I wished I could simply grab his wand and stick it so far up his arse I would be able to cast spells out of his mouth.

“Harry!” gasped an outraged and flushing Lily Potter. James and Alex only roared in laughter.

However, I eventually calmed down and allowed him to explain his decision. Of course, I say ‘allowed’ but in truth, I wasn’t exactly listening to him. Dumbledore said that the Horcrux had to be gone for the Dark Lord to die. I knew then — still do — that should Alex learn of this while he still has the Horcrux in his head, that he would sacrifice himself if it meant bringing the Dark Lord’s defeat. It was an obvious conclusion. Despite what Alex must think right now, he and I are just the same. After all, I had joined the bloody Death Eaters to spy on them just to protect my family and Hermione. Of course Alex would sacrifice himself for the entire world. I would do the same.

Alex nodded. It was comforting to hear his brother would have done the same in his position, just like Alex believed he would have done like Harry had he been in his position.

This was not something I was willing to do. Alex already had his life on the line because of that darn prophecy. His life doesn’t deserve to end like that. He should be allowed to find love, have children, a career — not die just to defeat the Dark Lord.

“What about you, Harry?” sighed Lily. “Don’t you think it you deserve that as well?”

It’s bad enough that one of the Potter twins has to put his life on the line for the others. It shouldn’t have to be both.

When I left Dumbledore’s office thirty minutes later and returned to my small flat, I decided I wouldn’t follow Dumbledore’s plan. I wouldn’t let Alex get hit by a Killing Curse to destroy the Horcrux and hope he would survive a second time. I couldn’t.

One of the only few things I love being a Death Eater is that I have access to very dark libraries around Britain. What better place to look to find a solution to Alex’s problem?”

“That’s how the entry end.” said Alex softly.

“Harry, my brave son.” said James, sounding both sad and proud. “Always looking out for us even when we weren’t for him.”

“He was a hero... we just couldn’t see it. Not until it was too late.” sighed Alex, shaking his head.

“I always knew there was good in him. I always believed in him.” said Lily, making the two men wince.

“And we didn’t... Shame on us.” said James. Alex nodded.

“Next entry, then?” he asked, looking at his parents.

“Can I read it this time?” asked Lily. With a nod, Alex gave her the book. Lily cleared her throat before she began reading.

“This entry is dated in the middle of February. It appear to be a shorter one.” she said.

I t seems ironic in hindsight that Dumbledore asked me to kill him and that I refused. Well, ‘ironic’ is not the proper word. Rather, it was a funny coincidence.

You see, earlier today, I was summoned by the Dark Lord personally. At first, I was worried he had found out the truth about me. It’s a good thing Snape taught me how to hide my emotions very well because I have no doubt the Dark Lord would have seen my fear otherwise.

“I just realized something.” said Alex, looking at his parents. “Did either of you notice how Harry is no longer calling Voldemort by his made-up name but instead address him as ‘the Dark Lord’?”

James shrugged. “No Death Eater call him by his name. If Harry did it, it would make him stand out. I suppose he got so used to it that he started calling him that even in his own journal.”

I was quickly reassured though when I found out he had called me for something else. He explained to me how Draco Malfoy has the mission to find a way to bring a group of Death Eaters inside the castle. He also has the mission to kill Dumbledore – like Dumbledore himself told me during the Yule holidays.

T he reason the Dark Lord summoned me was because he believed Malfoy would fail at his mission and decided I should be the one to end Dumbledore’s life. I knew in reality that the Dark Lord’s mission was a test of my faith. He wanted to know whether I was truly loyal to him or not. In any normal circumstance, I would have faltered and the Dark Lord would have immediately noticed the hesitance. Thankfully, as Dumbledore had already tasked me with the exact same thing, I had no hesitation to accept the mission, telling him I would make him proud. (And I so wanted to barf when I said that!)

I left the base at the first opportunity I had. I wanted to warn Dumbledore that Malfoy was also tasked in bringing Death Eaters in the school. It was a terrifying thought. What sort of damage could the Death Eaters cause?

Last evening, I met with Dumbledore. As my visit was unexpected and it was in the middle of a school day, I had to sneak inside the castle under an invisibility cloak. Dumbledore had given it to me for this exact purpose.

During my trip to the headmaster’s office, I saw many familiar faces. I felt a pang in my heart as I saw the life I had previously led. It was even worse when I turned a corner and found none other than Alex and Hermione.

Alex sat straighter, his eyes wide. He had no idea his brother had seen him that year.

While Alex did not look much different – just older – I cannot say the same for Hermione. Hermione looked... well, I’m not sure how to say it but she was thinner and had bags in her eyes. It sold the image of someone who was hunted by something, who did not sleep or eat much. It didn’t take me long to realize the reason why she looked like that.

Because of me.

Unless something had happened to Hermione’s parents, the only thing I could see have such an impact on her was our break-up. It broke my heart to see her like that. I wanted to simply shed the cloak and hug the girl I loved – to tell her that everything would be alright. But, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t look at what I had done to her. Before my presence was noticed, I decided to flee – like a coward.

“Poor Harry.” said Lily sadly. “It must have destroyed him to see her like that.”

“I know.” sighed James. “I would have been the same if it had been you and I in their positions.” he said to his wife. Lily simply laid her head on James’ shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

I eventually reached Dumbledore’s office. I unfortunately had to wait as Dumbledore was in a meeting. Had I known it was with Snape, I would have simply gone inside (as he knew the truth about me), but I didn’t. When Snape left, I joined Dumbledore and told him what I had learned.

Dumbledore was unusually grim – not that it was surprising. It was just shocking to see that emotion on his face, really. He told me he would post some members of the Order to guard the hallways – especially during the night – to help protect the school.

I left shortly after with a reminder that I was the one that should kill Dumbledore.

“The entry end here.” said Lily, looking up.

“You were right. It was shorter than the previous ones.” said James.

“Harry must simply have a need to just talk to someone and since he couldn’t...” said Alex, trailing off.

“He decided to write in his journal instead.” finished Lily. Alex nodded. He wished he could have been there for his brother, though he understood why it hadn’t been possible.

“Next one?” asked James. Lily nodded and looked back at the journal. She let out a small gasp. “What is it?” he said, concerned.

“The next entry is dated the day after Dumbledore’s death.” she said, looking up at her husband and son.

“Damn.” cursed Alex softly.

Lily began to read.

I did it.

I fucking did it.

I don’t even care if my language is crude. I know if I’d said that in front of either Mum or Hermione then they would have chastised but I don’t fucking care.

“Yes, I would have.” said Lily with a small, fond smile.

Dumbledore is dead. I killed him.

I probably sound excited but – trust me – excitement is the last thing on my mind right now. Disbelief, regret and self-loathing is what I feel.

When I was at the top of the tower facing him, I knew I couldn’t cast the Killing Curse. I always was horrendous at using the Unforgivables. So, I instead cast a piecing curse. My hope was that it would hit Dumbledore’s heart and kill him in an instant – a painless death. But I was too nervous I missed. The curse got his jugular and blood was splattered everywhere.

“So that’s why...” whispered Alex. He remembered that night. He had always wondered why his brother had killed Dumbledore in such a bloody fashion. Now he knew it was an accident.

I remember seeing the look in his eyes. He looked shocked I could do such a thing. Even the other Death Eaters were. If I had not been so scared of giving the game away, I would have barfed at the bloodied mess I made.

Fuck, I hate Dumbledore and Voldemort for what they forced me to do. I didn’t want to kill anyone ever – not even dying old men in pain. But, Dumbledore and Voldemort make me a killer.

James rubbed his face with one hand. Why did his son have to go through that?

Alex empathized with his twin brother. Just like him, he felt regret and self-loathing, though for different reasons. Regret that he wasn’t there for his brother and didn’t stop him from joining in on Dumbledore stupidly dangerous plan and self-loathing for believing the worse of Harry at a time where everything in his life was hell.

“Harry...” muttered Lily, shaking her head sadly.

It’s strange, in a way. I hate Dumbledore for asking me to kill him but, at the same time, I understand why he did it. The old man had been right when he said it would further my position in the Death Eaters and win me the trust of the Dark Lord. He had been very impressed with how I killed Dumbledore.

For what I did, I’m now a member of the Dark Lord’s Inner Circle and considered one of his most trusted servants. It wouldn’t have been a bad thing – if it wasn’t for the fact that the entire country hate my guts because of Dumbledore’s death.

Sometimes, I still wake up in the morning expecting to see the ceiling of my bedroom back at home, to walk down to eat breakfast with Alex, Mum and Dad and to go visit Hermione at her home and spend time with her. And then my mind clear up and I remember that I’m in a Death Eater stronghold, that my loved ones hate my guts... that I’m all alone. All because I went with Dumbledore’s spying plan.

When this happen, I wonder why I even agreed to take part in this. What did I get from it? Could staying at Alex and Hermione’s side keep them safer than play the spy? There is no way to know for certain but, some days, I believe it to be the case. And I come to regret everything that happened since the Third Task.

Lily felt a pang in her heart as tears began forming back in her eyes. She so wished she could comfort her son, hug him and tell him everything would be okay – that he wasn’t alone, that she still loved him. But, she couldn’t. It was too late.

I’m not sure what is going to happen to me now. Since I joined the Inner Circle, I technically have the power to do ‘raids’ of my own. As much as I wish I didn’t have to do a single one, I know it’s impossible. If I don’t organize raids, people will notice and it will put me under scrutiny. Now, I’ll be forced to live with the guilt of bringing death and suffering in the lives of innocent families.

I hate my life. Someone just kill me.

“It’s the end of the entry.” said Lily softly, her voice trembling. Her cheeks were wet as she fought the urge to burst out crying once again. To Alex, it felt like a stab to the heart every time he saw his mother’s tears because he knew Harry was dead and not coming back. Harry, who had to pretend to be someone they hated to everyone he loved just to protect them.

Lily gave the journal to her husband before she quietly wiped them. “It’s alright, Lily.” he said as he attempted to give her a kiss.

“No, it’s not!” she yelled, pulling away from her husband. “Harry is dead! My son lived the last years of his life doing something that made him hate himself without anyone supporting him! He believed we hated him so, no, it’s not okay!” Then, she began crying again.

Alex sighed and took his mother in his arms. Lily immediately put her arms around him and squeezed him hard, like she was reassuring herself that her remaining son was still alive. As much as he wished otherwise, he couldn’t really do anything but hold her as she wept and mourned his brother.

Once Lily had quieted down, James looked down at the next entry.

“It’s dated in the middle of last winter, a few months ago.” he said. Alex’s eyes widened. Would Harry talk about giving him the Horcrux and the Sword of Gryffindor in this one?

James cleared his throat and read.

It’s been a while since I’ve written in this journal. Nearly a year, in fact! There wasn’t much I could have-

No, that’s wrong.

There’s not much I WANTED to write in this journal. Putting it on paper just makes everything more real.

However, I came back to write as a lot as happened this evening. It all started a few months ago.

Ever since Dumbledore’s death, I’ve “enjoyed” my new position in the Inner Circle very much. While this sentence was meant to be sarcastic, there is some truth to it.

Being a member of the Inner Circle mean that I’m privy to much less scrutiny than the other Death Eaters. Also, no other members of the Inner Circle can force me to back them up in one of their ‘mission’ or raids (unless it’s urgent) as those in the Inner Circle are expected to act somewhat independently, as long as it’s for the “good cause”.

On my end, I used this chance to explore the family libraries of multiple Death Eaters. I used the excuse that I wanted to learn more offensive spells to serve the Dark Lord better while, in reality, I was working on my Horcrux project.

So far, I’ve yet to find a (safe) way to remove the Horcrux from Alex’s forehead. However, I did find one of the Dark Lord’s Horcruxes: Rowena Ravenclaw’s Lost Diadem.

“So I was right!” gasped Alex, his eyes wide. Harry really had been the one to give them the Horcrux and the Sword!

“Pardon?” said James, looking at his son with confusion.

“Nothing.” he said. James gave a last glance to his son before he continued reading.

I found the Diadem in the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts.

‘Ha!’ exclaimed Alex mentally. ‘Hermione is going to be embarrassed she was wrong!’ Then, he deflated. ‘That is, if she even remember that tidbit after reading the whole thing.’

For the destruction of the Horcrux, it’s something it took me longer to find info about than the Diadem itself.

When I visited the school a week after the school year began, I talked to Dumbledore’s portrait. He told me that his living self had removed books from the restricted section which mentioned Horcruxes. He wanted to avoid someone else making them. The books had been kept in his personal quarters but, for some strange reason, neither Snape nor I found them when we searched for them.

“Oops.” said Alex. He flushed when his parents turned to look at him.

“I assume you had something to do with it?” said James, looking somewhat amused.

“Not me but Hermione.” Alex corrected. He explained. “The day of Dumbledore’s funeral, Hermione summoned the books from her dorm and put them in her trunk. She knew we would have need of the information inside while we looked for the Horcruxes.”

“Wait.” said Lily. “You’re telling me you and Hermione stole books from the school that Dumbledore considered too dangerous to be kept in the restricted section?”

Alex rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “Maybe?” he said, making his mother groan. “Mum, we had need of those books!”

She sighed. “I know.” she said. “I just don’t like that you stole them.”

“And with a simple summoning charm, no less!” said James, sounding impressed. Lily huffed and gave him a small slap on the harm.

Without those books, I had to rely on what Dumbledore’s portrait told me. As far as he know, the only way to destroy a Horcrux is to damage the container beyond repair. Only two ways are known to achieve this: Fiendfyre and Basilisk Venom.

Now, I might be a Death Eater (even if I’m a spy) but I never learned how to do the spell myself. If I could, I wouldn’t approach it with a ten feet stick. My only other option was to use Basilisk Venom but that was a problem in of itself.

First of, I had absolutely no idea where to find some. I know there is the corpse of a Basilisk in the Chamber of Secret but, unlike Alex, I am no parselmouth so I can’t access it. The only other way to have Basilisk Venom would be to import a vial from Asia but it cost a shitload of money, which I don’t have. I felt like I was in an impasse.

Thankfully, Dumbledore’s portrait told me that his living self had used the Sword of Gryffindor to destroy Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, Sword which happened to be imbued in Basilisk Venom. A Sword that was proudly displayed in the Headmaster’s Office.

How about that?

“Well, that was convenient.” said James, sounding amused.

“Imagine if Lucius had never slipped the diary Horcrux to Ginny in second year. Not only would we never have found the Chamber and got the sword imbued with venom but we would have had to infiltrate Malfoy Manor to find the diary.” said Alex with a shudder.

“I never thought I’d say that but a small part of me is thankful that Malfoy gave a Horcrux to an eleven-year-old girl.” said Lily. Though she said she was grateful, she looked rather disturbed at her own words.

With the method of destruction firmly in our grasp, I was ready to destroy the Diadem. I’d almost slashed the sword through it when I realized something.

If I destroyed the Horcrux here in the castle, then Alex and Hermione – who are looking for those same Horcruxes – would never know! They would never attempt to complete the prophecy once all the Horcruxes were destroyed as they would believe there was still one more Horcrux out there that they hadn’t found. Hell, even if the prophecy ended-up being false and the Dark Lord died by someone else’s hand, both would live in fear of him coming back simply because they wouldn’t know all of the Horcruxes were gone.

With that in mind, I decided to change the plan.

Instead of destroying the Diadem, I took it, put it in a bag so that it was safe to handle, and grabbed the Sword of Gryffindor. Snape and Dumbledore’s portrait were confused by my actions until I explained what I was doing. While Snape protested, not wanting to simply let me go with the Sword and Horcrux, Dumbledore supported my idea. He believed it would be best if Alex and Hermione had the Sword anyway so it would be killing two birds with one stone.

Then, I asked them if either of them knew where was their last known location. Neither knew – not having heard from them since they broke in the Ministry of Magic months ago. It was then that the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black spoke up. Apparently, during their short stay in Grimmauld Place, Hermione took Black’s portrait in the house and put it in her bag, which was soundproof. I was a brilliant idea as neither she nor Alex wanted Snape (who they believed to be a Death Eater) know of their location. However, only hours before, they slipped up and Hermione apparently mentioned their location while the bag was open, which allowed Black to overhear.

It was rather amusing to see Snape blow a roof, yelling that the portrait should have told him something as important sooner.

“Seeing Snape angry is always amusing.” said James while his son chuckled. Lily tried to look stern and disapproving but both Potter men could see the corners of her lips twitching.

With the location known, I left the castle grounds and apparated away. I arrived in the middle of a forest.

It took me a while to find traces of life (other than wildlife, that is). I expected – no, I knew that Alex and Hermione would have hidden their location under many, many charms which would made it all but invisible to anyone else than them. However, I quickly noticed they forgot an important detail: footsteps.

Alex slapped himself on the forehead. “Oh my god! How could we’ve been so stupid!” he exclaimed.

“We all do mistakes, Alex.” said Lily.

Footsteps could be seen in the fresh snow of winter. When I found them, I decided to drop the items to allow Alex or Hermione to find them. I impaled the sword in a rock King Arthur-style and put the Diadem at its base. Then, I followed the footsteps and managed to estimate their hiding position. Since I couldn’t just walk in (and even if I could, I don’t want to know what they would do to me), I decided to get their attention in a different way. I decided to conjure my patronus and have it act as a guide.

It sadly took me a few attempts before I could conjure one properly. I just had too much difficulty trying to find the good, happy memories necessary for the spell.

Lily closed her eyes, feeling another pang in her heart. Neither of her sons ever had problems conjuring a patronus once they had mastered it so it hurt that Harry couldn’t gather enough positive emotions for it to work.

Eventually, it was not memories that did the trick but dreams and wishes. Instead of thinking about good moments with my family and Hermione, I instead thought about a future where we won, a future where Hermione and I were reunited and a happy couple, a future where I was back with my family. It worked and my patronus appeared.

To my surprise, though, the patronus was not in the shape of a stag as it had always been. No, it was an otter.

“Otter... like Hermione!” gasped Lily.

“He really did love her, didn’t he?” said James.

“Yes. He did.” simply said Alex.

He had always admired the relationship between his twin brother and Hermione. To him, it had felt like they had already found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Alex was forced to admit that he had been jealous of them as he’d never fell in love himself. When Harry broke up with Hermione, Alex hadn’t understood it. Even when Harry had joined the Death Eaters, Alex had been confused, not understanding why Harry would do such a thing. It had seemed out of character, and for good reason.

Reading Harry’s journal cleared everything and Alex now fully understood why Harry had done what he had done. And, in the end, it was all because he loved them and Hermione. Alex wasn’t surprised his brother’s patronus had changed. Like he had theorized earlier, it was most likely because his love for Hermione had been his rock, his anchor, the light at the end of the tunnel in Voldemort’s crazy world.

It shocked me. I’m not even sure why it changed. Before, it was a stag – like Dad’s Animagus form. But, now, it’s an otter. It took me a few minutes to find my bearings, and for good reason. I never heard of a patronus changing shapes before. And why an otter? I do not have the answers. It will mean I will have to do some research later.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

Once I got over the shock, I made the otter follow the footsteps toward where I believed her and Alex to be hidden. I ended-up guessing right as shortly after, I saw Alex suddenly appear, wand in hand. It shocked me how... well, I don’t know how to write it but, basically, he looked like he could have used a good meal or two and more sleep.

Lily turned to look at her son. After a few seconds, she said “He’s right, you know?”

“Mum!” exclaimed Alex, feeling embarrassed.

“Alex, you lost weight!” she said. “You look like someone who spent a year in Azkaban – not in the wilderness!”

“I’m fine, Mum. You sound like Mrs. Weasley.” her son said, refraining from rolling his eyes in amusement.

“I’m not that bad – am I?”

Alex grinned. “Well, just a tiny bit.” he said. Lily huffed, muttering “Just like his father...” while said father chuckled quietly.

Once I regained by bearings, I made my patronus walk toward where I had dropped off the Sword and Diadem. It was not too far, thankfully. Only ten minutes of walk at most, I believe.

As Alex became – for the lack of a better word – entranced by the patronus, I noticed someone else appear where I’d first seen Alex pop in. It was Hermione.

Hermione looked... damn. It was even worse than when I had last seen her at Hogwarts. Like Alex, she looked like she had gone through periods of starvation in the previous months. Not only that, but there was an air of stress surrounding her. It hurt so much to see her like this. I wish... I don’t know.

I wish I could have helped them in a more significant way. I felt guilty and totally useless seeing them in such a condition. I wonder – is what I’m doing even worth it?

The Potters looked shocked. They might not have agreed with Harry being a spy, but it did not mean they did not admire everything he did.

“Of course it is!” exclaimed James.

“Oh, baby, don’t think that way!” Lily said.

“He helped save lives.” Alex said, passing a hand in his auburn hair. “I don’t know why he think his role is worthless.”

I wonder if I could have been more useful in another role. Could I have helped Alex and Hermione in the Horcrux Hunt or would I have done nothing more than consume some of their food? Would the war be over quicker if Alex and Hermione had help finding the Horcruxes? Maybe – maybe not. In the end, I wonder if by being away from them, I’m just making the war last longer. It make me sound arrogant that I could think that. But, I know my brother only has a chance of defeating Voldemort once all the Horcruxes are destroyed. In the end, I wonder what role would bring the destruction of the Horcruxes faster: spying behind enemy lines or searching alongside those I love. I do not know...

“How can he think he’s not being useful?” asked Alex. “I mean – he found Ravenclaw’s Diadem! We wouldn’t have found it without him! It didn’t even think one could be hidden in the Room of Requirements. Hell, Hermione didn’t even think there was one at Hogwarts at all!”

“Because he was stressed.” answered James knowingly. “He was stressed and anxious. He was starting to fear our side would loose – which made him look for alternatives – to see if he could be more useful doing something else.” he said.

“It’s not he didn’t think he was doing his part. He simply feared it wasn’t enough to help win the war.” added Lily with a small nod. She had felt similarly during the First War. As she was no fighter, she had instead spend her free time help heal the members of the Order of the Phoenix or any of their friends who fought. She had helped save lives but, she had felt like she wasn’t doing enough. She understood where her son’s thoughts came from as they were similar to hers.

Sorry. I just realized I went off topic. I’ll continue where I was. To recapitulate: I noticed Hermione follow Alex, who was himself following my patronus which was leading him to the Sword of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw’s Diadem.