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Gaon stares at the empty closet; his eyes then stray down at the equally empty drawers on the dresser; the empty place where the crib used to be. His heart clenches and for a second, he finds it hard to breathe. It's hard to remind himself that this is temporary, that he's going to see them again and then, they will be the family Gaon always wanted to have. It feels like loss all over again and the thought crosses his mind, ask Yohan to stay with him, with them in what used to be their home.
But he can't. Not anymore. Not when he's witnessed the desperation in Yohan's eyes, the struggle, the nightmares. He can't force his alpha to relive over and over again the painful memories this house brings.
Yohan came back for him and their son, now it's time for Gaon to make some sacrifices of his own. It's not like this country has anything left to offer him, anyway.
The bags and boxes are already packed and pushed against a corner near the entrance door for easy access once the people of trust Inguk will send arrive. The lawyer had managed to book a private jet just in time for Yohan and Jaesung to travel in order to avoid all the security filters and identification processes a commercial flight would require. It was the most expensive option, but the safest and Yohan hadn't even batted an eye when he had given a small nod of confirmation for Gaon to move ahead with the transaction. The flight was scheduled for 3 in the morning, just a few more hours and Gaon will see his whole life part ways with him.
It shouldn't be like this, but it feels like finality and Gaon doesn't want to think about the worst case scenarios being away from his family could bring.
"Jaesungie is sleeping already."
Yohan's voice manages to startle him a little, making his body jump in his place. He puts down the baby monitor on the dresser and approaches him silently.
Gaon tries to compose himself and put on a smile for his mate, but he knows how well Yohan knows him and how hard it would be to fool him.
As he was expecting, Yohan's tiny smile vanishes the moment he lays eyes on him and he steps closer until his arms are around Gaon's waist, pulling him closer for their bodies to share much needed warmth.
"Did you set up the pillows?" Gaon asks in a whisper, arms around Yohan's back and chin hooked over his shoulder.
"I did." Yohan confirms, fingers digging in the small of his back.
Their bed is now a fortress of pillows, keeping Jaesung safe in the middle and no space for them to lie on. They won't be able to get any sleep tonight, either way.
"Thank you." Gaon mumbles after a moment.
"For what?" Yohan pulls a little away, enough to make Gaon look him in the eyes.
"For coming back, for being here for me and for Jaesungie, even when I know this is hard for you in all the possible senses of the wordㅡ"
"Hey." Yohan shushes him by placing a finger under his chin. "Even without Jeasung, I would have come back for you. You and Elijah were my entire world, now that world has expanded and I have to do everything in my power to protect you all."
"Promise me we will be okay after this." Gaon requests and he's aware of how tricky it is, for they don't really know what the future will bring, but he wants to have something to hold onto once they're gone. He wants to at least have the fabricated idea that no harm will come to them in this other life they are singing up for.
"Gaon-ah, you know I can'tㅡ"
"Just do it." Gaon shakes his head.
Yohan sighs. "I promise."
It's an empty promise, Gaon's brain knows this and yet, his heart feels a thousand times lighter. Yohan brings him closer again, his arms around his waist tightening in an almost painful way.
"I love you." Gaon speaks against Yohan's neck.
"I love you." Yohan repeats and kisses his temple.
Ko Inguk arrives around one in the morning, followed by an entourage of five other men and a woman, all dressed in black and half of their faces covered with masks.
Gaon's stomach turns and he feels like throwing up while giving instructions to the men on what boxes and bags should be treated with most care. The van is parked right outside on the driveway, black and non-descriptive.
"Gaon." Inguk calls for his attention. Gaon has been standing by the door, watching all their baby's and most of his own stuff being loaded into the vehicle that will take him away. "This is Rosalie Corbin, she's the one who will be piloting the plane." Gaon blinks and he looks at the woman who stands with a very good posture next to Inguk, arms behind her back. He cowers a little when piercing green eyes land on him. "She used to be an army air general for the French Air Forces. They will be in good hands." The woman doesn't speak, but her bow is solemn and Gaon takes it as a silent promise to take care of what is his. "I figured you would like to know."
Gaon nods. "Thank you." His voice barely comes out, but Inguk hears him anyway.
"Well," Inguk looks at his watch, "we better get going if we want to make it in time."
The urge to throw up surges again. Gaon feels his blood freezing in his veins as he robotically moves along. Inguk and everyone else leave the house first to give him the privacy to say their goodbye.
Gaon is crying and he's not even trying to hide it. Yohan is right there in front of him, cradling their sleeping son safely in his arms.
"We can still back out. I don't care about the money. We will call this off and wait for youㅡ"
"No." Gaon sniffles, shaking his head. "It's better this way. And I'll be seeing you in a month."
"Are you entirely sure?"
"Yes." Gaon doesn't even hesitate. He doesn't want to give Yohan more reasons to doubt himself.
"Okay. Okay." Yohan nods. He glances over his shoulder, when Inguk has come back for them. They need to go. "I love you."
"I love you." Gaon says back as he leans in and presses a kiss to his son's head, then on Yohan's lips.
Gaon doesn't dare to come out and watch the van disappear in the distance, so once the door closes behind Inguk, he slides down to the floor: thighs against his chest and face hidden between knees.
He cries for a couple of hours, shedding tears but no sounds, until the sun comes out and Gaon forces himself to get up, eat something and take a shower to head out for work. He and Jinjoo still have a lot to do.
He will see them soon enough.
Granted, Gaon drowns himself in work, in the house, out of the house; he barely eats and barely sleeps, there will be time for that later.
He works along Jinjoo, setting up everything that needs to be set up, coming to the understanding that the broken system they deal with every day, will never be fixed. Still, they do what they can with what they have.
Video calls are the highlight of his day, when Yohan calls him at night and they talk for hours. Jaesung looks bigger and bigger every time they do so, more awake, more vivid, little hands and feet kicking and flailing in the hair. Tiny gurgling noises giving Gaon the strength he need to move onto the next day.
With half a month left of Gaon's self-imposed deadline, the idea of donating the house to turn it into a shelter for women and children in need of a home presents itself and with no hesitation he passes the suggestion to Yohan, who says yes without giving it much thought.
It was about time for the darkness in that place to be replaced with some kindness.
The day comes and there's still a lot to do, but Gaon can't contain himself anymore. He needs to see his family.
Jinjoo assures him time and time again she can do this and Gaon promises to be available for long distance consulting if she happens to need the help.
She chuckles, but nods anyway and says goodbye to him with a tight hug.
On the 1st of December, Gaon departures to Switzerland.
Soon they will be in his arms again.