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[IMAGE ID: A gif of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride saying, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."]
(Since tumblr cuts this off from what I can see; this turned into a big Izzy Hands meta! So read on if you want!)
Let me try and word this in a way you might understand, nonny, since you clearly have some issues with the definition of things, and while I’m here I’m going to turn this into another meta post, this time about your favorite character: Izzy Hands ♥, rather than just posting this as a mean anon or deleting it outright.
(That said, anon, I really think this is the second message you’ve sent me now. The first time it was because I mentioned Izzy during a meta about Ed, and the second time is because I mentioned Izzy (and Lucius, and Jim, and Fang) during a post about Ed and Stede gettin’ it on in season 2. If you really hate Izzy this much, I truly recommend blocking those of us who enjoy him, and using the blacklist feature to remove any posts mentioning him. I think your fandom experience will be truly improved if you do that, and at the end of the day that’s what we all want here, isn’t it? A good fandom experience.)
Firstly, Izzy is the singular Real Pirate trapped in a muppet comedy, which makes him hilarious and fascinating.
Secondly, as the only Real Pirate, he’s the only one that can see the dangers of being weak and not being a proper pirate. Do you think that the English are going to let Ed just walk away? He signed his life over to them for ten years then bailed the first night. Do you truly believe the English aren’t currently looking for Blackbeard specifically to finish him off or take him to Charlestown to make an example of him? Do you think they aren’t currently tying nooses in his honor to say, “Look what happens if you take our offer of an Act of Grace then bail out”?
They absolutely are.
Now, ask yourself; what happens if the English rock up on the Revenge, crewed by a group of terribly bad pirates who couldn’t defend themselves against the Spanish, or the English, or– actually, any battle they’ve had so far. Jim is the only truly competent pirate on that crew, from what I’ve seen.
So what do you think Izzy is imagining when he sees Edward return from bailing out on the Act of Grace and not only once again letting the ship return to Muppet Comedy, but also actively trying to stop them being pirates?
I think back to what Oluwande said in the first episode, being not only a man of color like Edward is, but potentially being an outlaw for more than just the color of his skin: him and Jim aren’t being pirates because they just woke up one day with a fun little idea and more money than they can shake a stick at, him and Jim are pirates because neither of them have any other choices. Do you think even if Ed hadn’t taken the Act of Grace, he would’ve had other choices? Do you think the man who murdered his own father in what would likely have been seen as cold blood (not a defense of himself and, primarily, his mother; especially since he and his mother are not white and his father was) ever had any other choices?
So what happens to them when the English come? What happens to Edward when they board the ship and he’s wearing the breakup robe and singing songs? Do you think they’d look at him and go, “Oh, no, he’s so sad. Let’s let him go.”
(I mean, they might, in the context of muppet comedy, but as previously stated, Izzy’s world is not a muppet comedy. In Izzy’s world, when you get stabbed you die. In Izzy’s world, when you duel a pirate with thirty years of experience on you, you lose.)
Now I want to run down the list of what Izzy Hands has done over the course of the 10 episodes to make him horrible and abusive. I’m not going back to reference the episodes because I don’t have the time to sift through every one, but I’m pretty sure I remember it well enough. Replies can totally correct me with extra citations if I miss stuff.
- Episode 1: Wasn’t in it
- Episode 2: Ignored the vulnerable crew on the beach, cut Stede’s shirt open, stole a hostage.
- Episode 3: Suggested the ‘normal’ course of action to be murdering the inept pirates and slinging them to the sharks, implying that’s what they usually do. Went to Spanish Jackie’s and invited Stede aboard, but didn’t mention his boss by name. Told Ed what happened, but didn’t say he didn’t name him by name. (Open to interpretation as it’s possible everyone worth their salt knows Izzy is Edward’s right hand man, it doesn’t need speaking). Helps Edward save Stede and co.
- Episode 4: Asks if they’re going to kill the crew 'as usual’ (Edward doesn’t say no). Calls Edward a twat and yells at him for being completely erratic, wearing Stede’s clothes and pretending to be someone else. Says he’s leaving. Follows through on leaving until Edward coaxes him back. Apologizes sincerely for all of the things he said. He may not have said, “I’m sorry,” but I said some things I regret, I don’t think you’re a twat etc is definitely an apology. Not all apologies have to include the word sorry to be an apology.
- Episode 5: Spends the whole episode trying to get the Revenge crew to actually be a crew. Gets mad at Lucius and Pete for actively not doing their jobs when he tells them to do their jobs. He wasn’t pissed they were fucking, he was pissed they weren’t working. Tried to get Lucius to do actual work. Got pissed when Lucius seemed like he was potentially cheating on Pete and hitting on all the crew. (Which is why “We don’t own each other.” disarmed that attempt to control him.)
- Episode 6: Demands that Edward follows through on his promise to kill Stede, referencing Edward’s own rules (that he’s made Fang follow through on in the past) re: killing/not having pets as a reason why. Offers to do it himself if Edward can’t. Tries to make it easier for him, knowing how hard Edward finds it to do any killing himself. Challenges Stede to a dual after Edward seemingly chickens out of doing the kill himself (and usually outsources the kill, presumably to Izzy himself). Leaves the ship angrily when he loses.
- Episode 7: He’s not in this episode until the end, where he’s ranting at Spanish Jackie and works with the English to deal with Stede and solely Stede.
- Episode 8: He isn’t in this episode.
- Episode 9: He does a lil wavey-wave. He also specifically fought for Edward to not be killed alongside Stede. He makes sure Edward has his freedom with Izzy. He’s still following through on the plan from Episode 6 (which… fascinatingly, I don’t think Edward ever actually told him the plan was actively off, just that Izzy wasn’t dueling Stede? I- Communication, people!) because that plan makes the most sense to him: kill the pet. Is an actual Captain telling the crew to actually do their jobs and run an actual pirate ship. I do not know how the Revenge ever sails the rest of the episodes. Nearly gets flung overboard tied to an anchor for it.
- Episode 10: Sends Lucius to look after Edward, or at least try. Messes up the deck so the crew (who have actually done all their work) has something to do. Has the group do their jobs, again. Finally snaps and calls out Edward for no longer being the fierce pirate Blackbeard or a pirate at all and calls him a namby-pamby still using Blackbeard’s name. I’ve seen people say 'namby-pamby? they might as well have just used the f slur’ but Izzy has proved time and again that he’s not homo or queerphobic (using Jim’s correct pronouns, not, idk, having Lucius’s balls cut off for partaking in gay sex just trying to get him to actually work, sending Calico Jack (aka Ed’s old lover) to retrieve Ed), the implication of his words here is, as the dictionary describes, “lacking energy, strength, or courage; weak or ineffectual”. Yes, it’s a term used against gay men, but that isn’t all he’s saying there. He’s basically accusing Edward of being the equivalent of a whiny teenage girl on the phone with her friends because her crush didn’t text her back.
I would now like to list what Edward has done to Izzy (and others, where applicable to this conversation):
- Episode 3: Not much to say here aside from bossing him around, but he is his boss.
- Episode 4: Manipulates him. Lies to him, mocks him and then manipulates him into staying by promising him a dead Stede (with no real intention of following through) and a ship of his own.
- Episode 8: Unrelated to Izzy, Edward is a complete tosser in this episode lmao. He wrecks Stede’s shit (it’s Stede’s ship), he lets Jack run roughshod all over the crew, take Stede’s seat at breakfast. He’s pretty awful in this episode, as much as I love him. But he does come back, so I give him that one.
- Episode 9: Izzy tries to talk to Edward and Edward punches him in the face. Izzy says that’s fair.
- Episode 10: He choke slams Izzy into a wall, cuts off his toe and forcibly feeds it to him, then forces him to get back to work without any kind of first aid etc.
So, the tally here:
- Violence against Izzy: Punched, choked, toe cut off, nearly thrown overboard and drowned.
- Violence from Izzy: Cut Stede’s shirt, told the crew to actually do their jobs as pirates, stabbed Stede during a fair duel, ???? turned them over to the English, with very careful safeguards in place so only Stede is going to die (none of the crew were harmed. Only Stede. He didn’t even turn all of them over!)
- Violence from other characters for the sake of contrast: Jim’s entire arc is murder and knives, either Fang or Ivan knocks over a hostage and laughs in episode 2 (I don’t remember which), Roach expresses a desire to torture the hostages for fun, the entire crew leaves two human men tied to a mast to marinade in the sun for days on end, Edward throws Lucius overboard (presumably killing him, though I believe muppet comedy laws will win out and he will likely be fine), Stede sets fire to an entire ship with his words, presumably killing everyone on board, the entire crew go off in episode 1 murdering and stabbing everyone in the first episode. Oh! And Edward tells one of his crew to skin someone alive with a snail fork, which we can only assume is followed through on off-screen as we never see that guy again and it seems likely.
Following on from this, you say he seemed gleeful that the crew were marooned and left for dead and sure, yeah, I can see that. I don’t disagree. But, uh… do you think that was Izzy’s idea? 😅 He might have been pleased by it, but it was absolutely Edward who did that. Once Blackbeard came back, Izzy is following all of Edward’s orders, not making up his own on the fly. Edward has everything thrown out (in fact, that starts before Izzy even makes it back from tending to his toe, I think), Edward has the crew marooned.
That is all Edward’s doing.
I mean, sure, Izzy is the driving force behind Edward reverting to the Blackbeard Kraken, but if you tell me I’m a little twerp and I need to go be a boss and I go become a boss and abuse all my employees and fire a bunch and basically be awful, that’s all me. Just because you called me a twerp, that doesn’t mean I’m not the one doing those things.
So, following on from this, I want to answer a few points here:
He’s not a good guy.
No one on this show except maybe Oluwande and Lucius is a Good Guy. No one. Stede sets fire to a ship. Roach wants to go torture someone just because he can. Frenchie does murders. Jim does murders. Pete wants to kill people. Buttons is a cannibal waiting to happen. Edward does horrible things all the fucking time. Spanish Jackie collects noses. Mary was going to kill Stede until he woke up.
You are absolutely correct that Izzy is not a good guy. You got that right.
He’s not a protagonist.
He’s an important part of the show and is, currently, in an antagonist position. That’s just as important as a protagonist, actually. It helps push the plot along. We wouldn’t have any of this plot without Izzy. None of it.
He’s not going to be around being a toxic abusive piece of shit forever.
Correct, I think he’s going to be redeemed! But we’ll see.
Quit trying to normalize & downplay the horrible way he treats other characters.
I’m not downplaying how he treats anyone, but I’m also not exaggerating it like you are. And also please look at your own faves, before casting stones from a glass house.
I know as a fetishizer you’re predisposed to abusive white men, but this is idiotic.
Again, as I said above, I think you’re a) in the wrong askbox considering this is a response to me mentioning him in passing while gushing about Blackbonnet and b) using a word you don’t fully understand. I get it. It’s a good buzzword.
Edward is much, much worse (though he is actively trying to be better, which is what I hope for Izzy’s future once he too finds a reason to be) and I love him too with every fiber of my being.
Izzy is only the antagonist because he isn’t the one in love with Stede Fookin Bonnet. If Edward and Izzy’s roles had been reversed in episode 1?
Stede would be long-dead and god knows what would’ve happened to Izzy in the process. Edward would’ve gone to town on him for being weak and having a pet. He would’ve forced him to kill Stede, if he didn’t do it himself, and the worst part is Izzy might have done it where Edward faltered.
thanks for coming to my TED talk
An addition for AO3: Izzy did not actually steal the hostages, I realized later on. He, in fact, bought them fairly from the natives.