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The first time Edward tried to apologize to Lucius, it was the third night after Stede Bonnet and the crew had returned to the ship. Edward had sent the Izzy to summon Lucius, to talk to him. Lucius’s response had been, “Fuck no!” before running away. Izzy, to his credit, did not try to follow him.
The second time Edward tried, the next morning, he sent Fang. Fang returned half an hour later, looking a bit puffy around the eyes, and told him that he couldn’t find the boy. Edward understood. He didn’t try summoning him again.
The third time Edward tried was a week later and wasn’t exactly planned. He saw Lucius sitting on the deck scribbling something. For the first time since they got back, he seemed to be alone. Edward decided to take the direct approach and walked up to him.
“Hello Lucius,” he said in a soft voice, just as his shadow fell on the book he was drawing in.
Lucius jumped, startled, looked at Blackbeard looming over him, let out a shriek, tried to step back, tripped over a coil of rope, and almost ended up in the sea again, saved only by Edward grabbing onto his cravat. Before he could even realize what was happening, Lucius had collapsed on his knees muttering “Breath. Breath. Breath. Breath. ” and Pete, Fang, Oluwande and Jim were all standing between Edward and Lucius.
The fourth time, Stede suggested that maybe it was better if he went and spoke to him instead of Edward. Lucius took one look at him, wringing his hands and bumbling his way through the apology by proxy, and just said, “No. You have enough shit to apologize for on your part first. ” Stede conceded that he had a point and proceeded with his own apologies.
The fifth time, Edward told himself that he had a genius idea. The boy obviously did not want to speak to him so he would write him a letter. Well, he would make Stede write him a letter. Edward told Stede what he wanted to say. Stede wrote it down faithfully and then deemed it too simple. He worried that it conveyed a lack of effort into the apology and, with a lifetime of experience, wrote a beautifully crafted formal letter, complete with elaborate floral profuse apologies with various literary allusions to the depth of Edward’s regret.
Lucius had taken one look at the letter in Stede’s neat cursive and called the whole crew out onto the deck to read it out. The letter was met largely with confusion and occasional laughter.
“Is that a love letter from Blackbeard?” Swede had asked innocently, setting off Jim into laughter and Pete into silent fuming. Lucius looked green and immediately threw the letter overboard.
Stede, who was watching the scene with Edward from the door to the Captain’s cabin, turned to his partner apologetically.
“Sorry, my dear. Maybe we should have just written it your way. I may have overdone it a little bit.”
Edward waved him off. He was starting to think that the letter may not actually be the problem.
The sixth time, Edward and Stede decided to invite Lucius and Pete to dinner so he could apologize properly after the dinner. Stede pushed Roach into creating an impressive spread, including desserts.
Lucius and Pete arrived and nervously settled around the table, with Stede seated between Edward and Lucius on one side and Pete on the other side. Which meant that Lucius was seated exactly opposite Edward, flinching every time Edward tried to pass him anything.
Edward transferred his attention to Pete, hoping Lucius might relax a little bit.
“And how have you been, Pete?”
“Good sir. Blackbeard. Captain. Edward. Blackbeard. Sir! Good! I mean, it’s ok. Just glad to be back, you know, sir? Not dead. No thanks to you. I mean, not that I am blaming you. But a bit. I guess I am blaming you a bit. But it's ok. I mean it's not ok. We deserve to be compensated for that. But no hard feelings, yes? I, mean, I am angry. Luc deserves better. But well–”
It turned out Pete was struggling between his age-old hero-worship for Blackbeard and his newfound anger, which meant a continuous stream of babbling, making Lucius more and more tense with each word out of his lips.
Edward tried to nod along, throwing even more nervous glances at Stede who smiling as if hoping his smile could in itself achieve the feat of saving the evening.
The desserts finally saved the day. Pete, it turned out had a ferocious sweet tooth. Once he was sufficiently distracted, Edward turned to Lucius.
“I have been meaning to apologize to you.”
“Yeah?” Lucius frowned, refusing eye contact. ”First class job so far.”
“I suppose it could have gone better?” Stede added.
“You suppose?” Lucius looked at him.
“Look mate, I just wanted to say I am sorry,” Edward said.
“Ok,” Lucius replied without looking up.
“That’s it?” Edward asked.
Lucius shrugged. “You wanted to say sorry. Was there something else?”
“And you forgive him?” Stede asked hopefully.
“Sorry, no,” Lucius muttered, clenching the table cloth nervously.
“Oh!”
“Babe!” Lucius said. “Think we should leave now.”
“But these pastries are so good!”
“Please Babe.”
“Yes, ok ok.”
Edward and Stede watched as the couple left. Lucius had stopped at the door as if to say something, turned back, and left, with Pete following him.
“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Stede said later, trying to console Edward.
Edward glared at him. “Don’t see how it could have been worse.”
“I mean, no one tripped and fell, or laughed, or thought this was a romantic dinner. And Pete could have stabbed you…”
“Yes Ok. Ok.”
“Edward, love, are you alright?”
“He just doesn’t want my apology, does he. Won’t make any fucking difference.”
“I mean, you tried to kill him, love. It’ll take some time.”
Edward nodded.
“Maybe,” Stede continued. “He just needs you to show him you are sorry. You know what they say. Actions speak better than words.”
“Oh!” Edward brightened. “Yes. I can do that,” he said, without explaining further.
Edward’s seventh attempt at an apology, Stede learned two weeks later from a frustrated Lucius, involved leaving various precious items as gifts in Lucius’s things. Stede found Edward later of the fo'c's'le.
“Edward, dear, about those gifts you have been leaving Lucius.”
“Oh! Did he like them?”
“I don’t think they are working, dear.”
“You said to show him I was sorry.”
“Yes, well, I didn’t exactly mean to bribe him into forgiving you.”
“Oh! I didn’t mean to do that.” Edward grumbled.
“I know, love.”
The eighth time, Edward decided, show you are sorry meant don’t allow Lucius to do the slightest amount of work. Lucius was freed from all work and, in fact, the crew had orders to not allow him to do any work. He woke up to find that Roach had placed a tray of breakfast by his side. Edward, with the wisdom from his last attempt, made sure it was the same breakfast as everyone else.
When they made port, Lucius was given a vacation day, as if he hadn’t been barred from any work for the last three days already. But on top of that, Edward assigned Izzy as Lucius’s bodyguard for the day.
“This is ridiculous! Pete and Fang are already all over him every second.” Izzy had muttered. Edward just glared at him till he relented.
Lucius walked up to the two Captains on the deck that evening.
“Ok. This needs to stop,” he said, looking at Edward.
“Oh! Hello Lucius.” Stede greeted him.
“I thought you would like your vacation,” Edward asked, confused.
“Look, I can see you are trying here, Ok? But I am bored. You are making me look bad in front of the rest of the crew and annoying Izzy is no fun when all he does is glare at me.“
“Oh!” Edward looked disappointed.
“Ok. Last time I thought you just wanted to get saying it out of the way, but I can see you mean it. So I am willing to listen. Properly this time. I won’t promise anything, but I am willing to listen.”
“Oh! Yeah. Thanks, mate.” Edward replied.
“Yes, thank you, Lucius,” Stede added smiling. “Would you like to join us for tea in an hour? You can bring Pete again if you want”
“Yeah, no, bad idea.”
“Or I can ask Fang to stand near the door if it would make you feel better.”
Lucius stared at Edward, who gave him a nervous smile that he thought was meant to be encouraging.
“No. I think I’ll be fine by myself,” he said, looking away towards Stede.
“Brilliant!” Stede beamed, clapping his hands!
The ninth time, Edward was the most hopeful he had been so far. The tea was pleasant and Stede had actually managed to engage Lucius in a conversation about some book he had lent him.
Edward waited till the tea was drunk and the little cakes had disappeared before bringing up the topic.
“Lucius,” he said. “Look, mate. I really am sorry.”
“Yes, I gathered that,” Lucius replied. “Doesn’t make it better, though.”
“I don’t know what else to say.”
“You can start by telling me why?”
“Why?”
“Why did you do it?”
“Oh!. I– I don’t know”
“That’s not good enough,”
“Call me Edward please.”
Lucius shuddered. “No. I can’t”
“Yeah, ok.”
“It wasn’t just that you tried to kill me, you know? I trusted you. I had felt safer here than I had ever before in my life. You took that from me.”
“I am sorry,” Edward whispered, looking as haunted as Lucius did at that moment.
“You still didn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t know Lucius. I really don’t. I wasn’t really myself, I suppose. It wasn’t really me.”
“Then who was it?”
“The Kraken? I was the Kraken.” Edward’s voice was small.
“I still have nightmares about it, you know? You, him, the Kraken, looking down at me with that blank stare as I was drowning.”
“I’m sorry. Me too. I mean the nightmares. I dream of it too.”
“Who is apologizing to me right now then, Captain?”
“What?”
“Who is the one telling me now that he is sorry? Edward? Blackbeard? Or the Kraken?
“I-- Me I suppose. I not him Lucius. I wouldn’t hurt you. You have to believe me. I am not the Kraken. Not anymore. I am just me. Just Edward. And I am so sorry.”
Lucius nodded. “I appreciate it. But you can’t really apologize for something you didn’t do, can you?”
Edward didn’t reply. Stede opened his mouth to intervene, but Edward shook his head sharply.
“Thank you for the tea Captains,” Lucius said, standing up. “And I would like to get back to my duties from tomorrow, if you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, OK.” Edward agreed.
“Of course Lucius.” Stede smiled sadly.
The tenth time Edward apologized was over a month later. Edward and Stede had a lot of time to talk and he had a lot of time to understand some things. Some things about himself. Some about how there are things you can’t fix no matter how hard you want to try.
Lucius was sitting on the quarterdeck drawing the crew in the evening light when Blackbeard approached him.
“Lucius, may I join you?”
Lucius looked up at him and shrugged. Blackbeard sat down beside him cross-legged.
“You really do have quite a talent,” he said, indicating the simple lines that had captured the life of the ship.
Lucius smiled. “Thanks.”
“You really enjoy it, don’t you? I seem to see you sketching more often these days.”
Lucius’s smile dropped, but he nodded. “It helped,” he said without looking at Edward. “At the beginning, when things were bad. When I couldn’t stop thinking. It helped to draw. To focus on the lines and nothing else, you know.”
Edward nodded. “How are you doing now?”
Lucius looked at him for a moment, surprised at the question. “Better I think,” he replied, looking away again. “I can actually sleep through most nights now. I don’t tremble every time you are within five feet of me anymore” He gave Edward a weak smile. “So yeah, getting better I think”
“I am sorry,” Edward said, closing his eyes. “I know I have apologized before, mate. But it wasn’t right, was it?”
“No,” Lucius said without anger.
“You asked me a question.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, I didn’t have an answer then.”
“Do you have one now?”
“I think.” Edward shrugged. “Still not sure if it is right.”
“That's ok.”
“I am,” he said. “I am apologizing, mate, because I hurt you.” Edward swallowed. “I could blame Izzy or the Kraken or give it some other name, but it doesn’t change what happened, does it?”
Lucius stayed silent, but let out a breath. Edward saw some of the tension in his shoulders fall away.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me.” Edward continued. “It’s ok if you don’t. I suppose. I just wanted to tell you that I was really sorry for what I did.”
“Thank you,” Lucius’ voice was choked before he fell silent again.
They stayed like that for a while, watching the sunset. Just before the rim of the sun dipped below the horizon, Lucius spoke again.
“I was going to leave. I kept telling myself I needed to leave. And I kept blaming Pete for me not wanting to leave. But then I realized it wasn’t about him. This ship is my home. Everyone on this ship is my family.” Lucius looked at Edward and smiled. “Everyone. I think I started forgiving you the day I decided not to leave.”
Edward returned his smile with his own wide, teary one.
"Don't be so happy with yourself. I only said I started to. It'll probably take a bloody long time.
“T's alright mate," Edward replied. T's more than I deserve, I think. Thank you."
“You know, you really should be apologizing to the whole crew,” Lucius said, turning back to the sea with a smirk playing on his face. “And they all be expecting the same treatment I got. You know, breakfast in bed, personal gifts, vacation days.”
Edward dropped his face in his hands and groaned as Lucius laughed.