Chapter Text
The nightmares persisted, and the taste of blood never seemed to fade away from his memory.
“Wake up! Don't die on me, we're almost out of here!! Remember what Master said!”
A desperate disembodied voice called out, it sounded worried. But, when he looked to see where this voice had come from......... a light-ginger haired boy gently lifted him up and hoisted him onto his back.
His back was covered in freckles, and Kaeya had a feeling his face was as well.
An guttural scream resounded, it was getting closer to them.
Celestia had abandoned them; she had abandoned everything here.
That much was evident.
Kaeya closed his eyes.
They were going to die.
But, the boy underneath him refused. Instead, he fought ferociously, not allowing any of them to lay their lands on the boy on his back. And, after excruciating cries of pain filled the never-ending darkness, and the slashing of guts had stopped.
Blood formed puddles; the air smelled like iron.
The young boy had won.
That’s the last thing he remembered, before his vision went black.
When he woke up, he was alone.
The young boy was nowhere in sight.
A voice called out, gentle and coaxing, "Hey, are you alright kid?”
When Kaeya looked around this time, he was met with the concerned faces of strangers.
They looked polite, like ordinary people.
Unlike the monsters he was used to facing.
He shook his head, and they carried him off to a nearby healer.
___________________________
It's been 13 years even since then.
And yet the marks from the Abyss never seemed to leave him.
Instead, they only further seemed to claw their way into him, and tore him apart. The screams of the monsters, and the overwhelming fear surrounded Kaeya. They were all encompassing, and he was drowning in fear, pure terror.
Right before he jolted awake.
It seemed as if he could not sleep, even after 13 years.Even after so much time, he could not sleep.....the claws of the horrors of the Abyss consumed and threatened to drown him completely. They consumed him and he could not sleep.
His attempts at satiating his countless sleepless nights; however, were fruitless.
Fom alcohol to exercise, none of it ever seemed to work.
It never did.
In fact, everytime he would start to doze off, he was met with the same overwhelming feeling in his chest that burned and ate away at him.
And on this night, it was especially worse.
After a while of tossing and turning, Kaeya gave up all hope of sleeping, “Damn it,” he whispered, to himself before he climbed down from his bed.
He went over to his closet and put on simple shirt and pants, different from his usual extravagant eye-catching ensemble. He didn't want to impress anyone, he didn't want to be seen, he didn't want to bee seen like a piece of steak on a platter by everyone today.
He wanted to drink in peace.
After putting on the clothes, he went out into the chilly night and walked, going nowhere in particular.
No destination and no clear purpose.
Just like always.
Just like always, he felt like a lost soul attempting to find its correct corpse....but always failing miserably. Frustrated, he decided to walk to the nearest distraction, and after his eyes landed on the bar, he made a bee-line straight for it. He stayed in the ostentatious bar and after a few drinks and few flirty interactions with handsome strangers and beautiful women, he was once again walking, his head now bubbling.
He didn't have it in him to hook up with anyone.
It would feel too gross, more so than it usually did when he forced himself to do so.
He once again had no clear destination, deciding to walk around the city, to clear his head a bit more before going back to his house. But, he stopped after he spotted a short girl in armor training vigorously, eyes filled with determination.
He swore....he always saw glimpses of who Diluc used to be in that girl...
At least the old determined Diluc he remembered in his fragmented memories.
It was Noelle.
“Hey there, practicing so early, are we?~” he said in a light tone, walking towards the youth.
The young girl stopped, in the middle of decimating a poor dummy, before she turned and faced him.
And, once her eyes landed on the Cavalry Captain, she immediately perked up and got visibly anxious, “Oh! Cavalry Captain! I didn’t expect you to be up so early in the morning! I’m just here um, practicing so I could become stronger. Which I’m sure you don’t need since you are already really strong-” she rambled like that for a bit, and upon noticing her rambling, she straightened herself out and said firmly,“But nevermind that, what are you doing here on the training grounds, Captain?”
Kaeya smiled gently, “I’m just bored, so I decided to come here to clear my head a little bit.....Changing topics, you’ve certainly made quite a lot of progress. I'm impressed.”
He looked around and noticed the several destroyed dummies, “You’ve improved...Although, if I may put some input,” she nodded eagerly, “Don't tense your shoulders too much when you swing your blade, and make sure that your arms are perfectly straight. Oh and another thing! Make sure to stretch properly before and after straining your body like this, after all, we don’t want any injuries, do we now?”
Noelle nodded eagerly, “Yes thank you, Captain! I will make sure to take your advice from now on and stretch properly.”
Kaeya nodded approvingly, before he sat on a bench near the training area to observe her training, giving her pointers now and then, which she took graciously.
He admired her devotion to her craft and watched as she swung her blade with strong fortitude and good posture. She was determined to improve on her swordsmanship and she trained with just as much enthusiasm as before. And....something about that attitude, made him reminisce about that young fire-headed boy in his memories.
He chuckled as he remembered the fiery kid of his memories.
The feeling of pure nostalgia.
“I’m gonna be the strongest of them all! I’m telling you, Kae,” the young kid said, sporting a lop-sided grin, a sword, and a hand-made training dummy. He looked ridiculous, with his large grin and his crooked teeth.
He was missing two of them as a result of them getting punched out by his own Master. But, it didn't seem to bother the kid, and he merely just grinned wider and did his best to impress Kaeya.
He chuckled, nodding fondly, before hearing the bone-chilling wails of an indescribable horror awaiting them up ahead.
Kaeya snapped back to reality and shook off the bittersweet memory. He didn't want to remember the rest of that particular memory.
No...no...stop it!
That memory......it didn't end well.
He sat up and bid Noelle goodbye.
The girl nodded and thanked him, before he began to walk, once again.
___________________________
And once again, he was walking, this time out of Mondstadt and towards the woods.
He managed to go far enough into the woods and stumbled upon a lake. Its flowing waters and the fluttering fireflies all around it made it quite the atmospheric place, and he ultimately decided to dip his feet into the waters, watching as the fireflies scattered away.
That's too bad.
He sighed out in relief once the cool numbing sensation spread all over his tired legs. The water below seemed to embrace him, gently pressing and contracting against his tired muscles. He let himself sink into the water, and allowed it to relax him.
But to his misfortune, the sensation unlocked another strange and hidden memory of his.
___________________________
“Kae! Want to go swimming?” the young enthusiastic boy said, already taking off his shoes.
Kaeya laid stiff in their campsite, not very eager to leave it, “I don’t know....It might be dangerous. We don't know what could be under the water.”
“Oh, come on! Even if a monster comes up, it can't defeat me!” He waved his sword around with full confidence, “So, let's go already!” the boy said, grabbing Kaeya’s hand and leaving a fluttering feeling behind as he did so.
After a moment of going up a hill towards a clear watered lake, the young cheery boy ran towards it, with Kaeya following closely behind, linked together, hand-in-hand. The ginger-haired boy grinned widely before letting go of his hand and jumping straight into the crystal waters below.
Kaeya however, went up to the shallow waters and once the water came in contact with his feet, he gasped and retracted his foot, shocked by the coldness. The swimming youth laughed at Kaeya’s hesitance before saying, “C'mon Kae, the water won’t freeze you into place! Once you get used to the temperature, you’ll like it. I promise!”
He stared daggers at the swimming boy before leaving his pride aside and slowly dipping his feet once again and letting the cold water consume him. He moved his feet from side to side, which caused the water to form ripples and make his reflection distort. The other boy swam laps around the small lake, before coming up and joining Kaeya by the river bank.
The cheery youth grinned mischievously at Kaeya, before leaning in and waving his head around, like a dog, which caused water to fly into Kaeya’s once dry shirt. He groaned in irritation before enacting his revenge by pinching and prodding at the other youth’s cheeks, which prompted him to break into a fit of giggles.
Then, some more comfortable silence. And, the two sat still watching the grim landscape, hand-in-hand once more.
And after a while of this, the silence was broken by the other boy. His voice was verging on the edge of being serious, perhaps even vulnerable. Too soft and out of place for the usually rambunctious boy, “...Do you have any dreams Kae?”
“I don't think I do..” he replied, voice low and contemplative. It was true, he didn't really think about anything. Apart from breaking free from this hell of a place, he didn't think of such childish things. But of course, he didn't want to spoil the calm atmosphere with his cynical thoughts, so he left it at that.
The other boy though....he seemed like he was brimming with dreams.
If only he could see his eyes.
Kaeya was sure his eyes would be filled with stars.
“Well, I'm going to become the strongest knight there is, Kae. I’m sure of it. And once we get out of here, I'll serve you,” he said grinning cheekily, before holding Kaeya’s hand firmer, interlocking their fingers together, “And we’ll be the strongest there is, how about it, Kae?”
He smiled softly at that, turning to look at the ginger, but was once more interrupted by a sharp scream and a large splash of....water?
They looked down towards the lake, and regretted having done so.
___________________________
Kaeya snapped out of the past and refused to remember what happened after.
The bloodshed, tears, cries of agony, and overwhelming fear that followed after was best to be left in the past, and the past only. Not in the present, especially not when Kaeya didn’t even remember the boy's name or face.
He couldn't even fucking remember his name or face!
And yet, he became a knight for him.
He trained day and night, striving to become a knight. And he did, he became a knight and even a captain-for Celestia’s sake!-all in foolish hopes of being able to find him again. And even after all of the mishaps and setbacks that came with it. He pushed through, in order to see him again.
He was such an idiot.
He shook his head at his own foolishness. He could not remember him, and yet the pain that came without him by his side made him overwhelmingly hurt.
It was a sadness so profound, so deeply engraved inside of Kaeya’s heart, that it caused his eyes to well up with bitter tears.
Tears welled up in his tired eyes and the world seemed to grow smaller and smaller around him. The ground seemed to come out from beneath his feet, and suddenly he was falling through it again. Just like all those years ago, but this time, it was just made belief.
He was not falling and he could never see him again even if he did fall. His tears cascaded down his cheeks falling down on the grassy hills, leaving behind a soft pitter patter as they hit the ground in their wake.
The realization dawned on him, even more than all of those years ago.
He’s gone.
Gone and most likely dead.
After all, he did not come out into the world above with him, hand-in-hand like they usually were.
No.
Kaeya came out alone, without him.