Chapter Text
The girl at the door reacts to your embarrassingly candid look of shock with a quirk in the corner of her mouth. It might be a smile but with this one you're hard pressed to tell for certain.
“Pizza for Jane, right?” she says with a tone that is so rakishly bordering on sarcasm you can't tell if you should feel mocked or if she's just bemused by the situation. You decide you're probably better off not holding a grudge against a person who handles your food so you're therefore making more out of half a sentence than is actually there.
“Right, sorry, I was just expecting someone else.” You are ninety-nine point nine to the infinity percent sure that you requested Roxy instead of her sister. It's not that you have anything against Rose, Roxy's just always a little faster and when you're paying for delivery, which has become a shamefully regular habit, you kinda prefer the fastest available option. That's also why you always order from Strilonde Pizzeria, they might not be the tastiest slice around and they do have some occasionally disturbing box art (a family of creative types, Roxy explained, is a bad recipe for advertising material) but if you excuse the eccentricities they're the fastest joint in town.
“Don't worry, your pizza girlfriend hasn't dumped you, she's just home sick tonight.”
You blurt out “She's not my pizza girlfriend!” before you realise she's just getting a rise out of you. That quirk in the corner of her mouth twiches slightly further upwards. Roxy evidently got all the family's share of facial expressions.
“Relax, just teasing. That's the problem with these family set-ups, it's all an incestuous mess of in-jokes and sibling one-upmanship. Frequent customers are prime ammunition.”
“I don't order that much, do I?” You're a little too mortified to actually think your sentences through at the moment. This girl's got you flailing from one goofy expression of embarrassment to another.
“Still teasing, sorry. You're one of the better ones though, no tricky orders, house is easy to get to, nice and friendly. There are some places we won't deliver to anymore, poor Callie has to come and pick up for herself and that piece of shit brother of hers. Plus you tip well.”
The mention of money jogs your memory and you suddenly realise you're in the middle of a business transaction. Fumbling, you manage to hand over payment for the order and take the box out of Rose's hands. You tip more than usual so Rose knows there's no hard feelings, if she notices she politely declines to comment. With a nod she turns to head back to the garishly painted Lalonde-mobile. You call out before she gets too far to send your best wishes to Roxy.
“She'd like to hear that, I think. You're her favourite customer.”
You are ninety-nine point nine to the infinity percent sure that look means she's still teasing you but you can't help blurt out a “She really said that?” before regaining control over the outburst centre of your brain.
“Well those weren't her exact words...” Rose suddenly looks unsure, as if she's saying too much.
You give her a pressing look.
“Okay, well, look it was in some variety of sibling rivalry pissing contest about who had the best customer so I'm not sure it should be taken seriously by anyone for any reason...” She trails off before catching your eyes.
You give her your best and most manipulative puppy dog eyes.
She sighs in defeat and after a night of humiliation you chalk one up for team Crocker. “Her exact words were, and I'm quoting here, 'janey is a straightup sexual fox riding a red hot nuclear bombshell'” You feel the blood rising in your cheeks “'right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of babe city, assachusetts, U S A'” Your face is so red it will surely burst into flames “'the last A just stands for more ass'”
It is medically possible to die of embarrassment. You know this because it is happening to you right now. Rose gives you an apologetic “told you so” kind of look and a hasty “enjoy the pizza” before absconding in the Lalonde-mobile. You continue to stand outside for a while, hoping the night air will cool down your still-so-bright-red face as quickly as it's cooling down the almost forgotten pizza in your hand.