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There are moments in Jim’s life where they can just take a deep breath and let themself relax. It’s not often, of course. Not when they’ve been raised to be an assassin, always on edge and preparing for a fight or to kill someone. Not when they were born the way they were and have to deal with the fact that that is not them—while feeling like no one quite understands what they’re going through in regards to their body and gender. Not when they’re sailing under two captains that haven’t quite figured out their personal shit and put everyone’s lives at risk over arguments about six times a week.
But there are moments where everything is calm and quiet and safe.
Like now.
In bed with Oluwande, in their small little room below deck on the Revenge, wrapped around his body from behind, just holding. Just breathing.
It’s everything Jim thought they might never have, and never find.
But they did.
Oluwande just understands. He gets it. He understands when Jim is having an awful fucking day and they want to take a knife to their chest to rid themself of their breasts. He understands when Jim is feeling jumpy and jittery and can’t fucking hold still because they were raised to see everyone as a fucking threat. He may not know exactly what’s going on in Jim’s head because he hasn’t experienced life quite the same exact way, but there are similarities.
He sees the signs before Jim even does most days. He helps redirect the bad thoughts, he helps distract them from the urges. He sees Jim for who they are, which can’t always be said for everyone.
And now in the early morning, Jim wakes up content because they’ve woken up beside the love of their life. For now, Jim can pretend that there are no ships on the horizon that the captains will attempt to raid with their incompetent crew, and they can pretend there’s no expectations or weird looks from others waiting for them when they emerge from the safety of their room.
They push up on one elbow and lean over Oluwande’s body to look at his face. His eyes are still closed, but Jim knows he isn’t sleeping. And sure enough his eyes open just a moment later and his face breaks out into a huge grin.
“Morning,” Oluwande whispers. He rolls over onto his back to look up at Jim.
“Morning,” Jim says with their own big smile.
And smiling is another thing they do more. And laughing. It’s so much easier to smile and laugh now, especially when it’s just the two of them.
Jim kisses Oluwande on the lips, lingering for just a moment before climbing over him to get out of bed. Oluwande grabs them before they can leave.
“Stay a bit,” Oluwande whispers, releasing Jim once they’ve settled down on top of him. Jim knows they don’t have to stay, they can get up whenever they want, but they find themself not wanting to. Not when Oluwande looks so fucking smitten and sleepy.
Jim acts like they’re about to get up anyway, just to see the way Oluwande pouts.
“Alright, alright,” Jim says, feigning reluctance. “I’ll stay.”
They move off of Oluwande and settle back down against his side. With a content sigh, they both relax back into the small bed, faint smiles still on both of their lips as if they just can’t stop smiling.
Really, they can’t. There’s so much happiness to be found when they’re together.
There’s no place Jim would rather be.