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It’s on a stifling summer night a week after the Pogues have triumphantly graduated from fourth grade, that JJ finds Kiara on the steps of the Carreras’ front porch.
The sky is barely clinging to the last rays of sun when he walks up to the white fence surrounding the yard, the soft pastels of dusk making way for something a little more somber.
He can only make out her shape in the fading indigo light, and it’s not until he’s reaching for the gate that he sees her shoulders shaking, hearing the muffled sounds of her sniffles. He freezes, hand on the latch, squinting at where she sits in front of him. It takes longer than it probably should to realize that she’s crying.
JJ stands there, watching, feeling awkward and exposed and very much like he’s witnessing something he shouldn’t be. In the few short years they have been friends, he and the other boys have never seen Kiara Carrera so much as tear up (even on their first watch of Inside Out, during which he definitely did not cry, he just got a tortilla chip crumb in his eye and that was not his fault). Point is, in the face of bullies and fights and angry teachers, she always stood with her shoulders squared and that trademark steely determination on her face. In a way, Kiara had always felt invincible to him.
Seeing her now in a too-big t-shirt, head in her hands and knees pulled to her chest, the harsh yellow glow of the porch lights illuminating her small frame, she doesn’t look invincible anymore. She just looks sort of little. Young and small in a way JJ has never associated with Kiara.
For a few agonizing moments, he weighs out what he should do. Kiara hasn’t clocked his presence yet, and he knows she would hate nothing more than for him to see her like this. He really could just turn around, walk back to the Chateau, and check in on her tomorrow. She would be none the wiser.
What would she do , his mind whispers suddenly, if it were you?
JJ takes one last look back down the road before pushing open the front gate, which instantly betrays him with a loud, horrific squeal.
Kiara’s head shoots up from her hands, dark eyes wide in a mix of confusion and horror as they stare back at him.
They blink at each other for a few uncomfortable seconds before he decides to be the one to break the tension and take charge of the moment, the way Kiara would if she was in a better headspace.
“Your gate is loud.”
Her gaze flicks down to his hand where it’s still gripping the white slats, then back up to him.
“Sometimes,” she says vaguely, wiping her cheeks.
Well, this is going swimmingly.
JJ lets his hand fall awkwardly to his side, trying his best to keep his voice from giving away how thrown he is by her uncharacteristic lack of composure.
“You weren’t at movie night.”
Her jaw tightens, just a little, and she crosses her arms. “Well, I was busy. Tell John B and Pope I’m sorry if they’re mad.”
“What?” He immediately drops his casual tone, back-pedaling. “No, not mad. Just…worried.”
Her arms relax slightly back into her lap. “About what?”
“I mean, I just wanted to, um…” the silence, coupled with the redness in her eyes, makes it very hard to meet her gaze. “Make sure you’re okay.”
“Oh.”
JJ knows he should probably leave now. Everything about this interaction is making him want to crawl out of his skin, or maybe just turn around and sprint back to the Chateau as fast as he can, away from all of the tension and a conversation that Kiara clearly would rather not be having. But, he reminds himself, Kiara would stay. If it were him, she would stay as long as he needed her to.
So he squares his shoulders, walks up the stairs, and sits down right next to her. She’s not looking at him anymore. “You’re not okay.”
It’s not a question.
JJ feels the shoulder pressing into his own droop, a curtain of hair falling between them as she lowers her head to look at her feet. “No. I don’t think so.”
He sits quietly, looking into fading light stretching out in front of them and letting Kiara talk as much as she needs to.
“My mom and dad got really mad at me when I got home. For talking back to Ms. Stevens today. But she deserved it! She told Harry Martin that he couldn’t go on the aquarium trip because he didn't have this permission slip signed! In front of the whole class! When everyone knows that he doesn’t really have anyone that can sign for it at home and when I tried to tell her that she should leave him alone she sent me to the office and called my parents and they wouldn’t even listen when I tried to tell them what really happened!”
The words spill out of her like she’s been sitting on these steps waiting for someone to come along and listen to them all night long. Maybe even waiting for him. But, that thought makes his head feel a little dizzy, so he pushes it to the side and offers an indignant huff instead.
“Everyone knows that.”
“I know!” Kiara slams her fist down on her palm in emphasis. Her conviction forces JJ to hide his smile by fiddling with his boots instead. “Mom and dad are always doing this, they’re always saying that I’m disrespectful and too mouthy or whatever but it wasn’t fair! And no one was saying anything so I had to! Then we go into these meetings with the teachers and it’s like they don’t even hear me! I’m their daughter and they don’t believe me when I tell them I’m just trying to do the right thing!”
She grits her teeth and lets her head fall into her hands, taking a few shaky breaths as JJ tries to decide if giving her a comforting pat on the back would be helpful or result in the loss of his hand.
Luckily, he doesn’t have to contemplate for long. After a moment, Kiara lifts her face, her eyes distantly staring ahead. “Do you ever feel like…like your parents wouldn't even notice if you were gone?”
He does. He feels like that every time he hides out at John B’s and his father doesn’t even bother to call Big John to see if he’s there. Or when he has to cook himself dinner for the third night in a row because Luke’s passed out on the couch again.
Part of him feels like maybe he should voice this to Kiara. Or to somebody. But, every time he tries, the words feel like they get caught in his throat, his heart starts beating like he’s just run for miles and everything is suddenly too loud around him.
So, it feels easier, at this moment at least, to shrug and just say, “Sometimes.”
“What if I- I taught them a lesson, you know? What if I just left?” Her entire demeanor begins to shift, excitement seeping back into her voice as the wheels begin to spin. She turns to him suddenly, hand reaching out to grip his arm and squeeze it lightly. “And then they would get home from their fancy party and feel bad about yelling at me and being unfair, and I would teach them to listen to me! I could do it...I mean--I'd be alone, and I don't want to leave you, um, you guys...” His heart drops as he watches her stumble over her words, deflating once more, eyebrows knitting together. “I don't want to go alone, and I wouldn't have anyone to go with me--"
The words are out of his mouth before he realizes what he’s even saying. “I would.” When he meets her eyes, they’re sparkling with mischief and hope and something that makes his stomach feel like it’s doing a somersault. Her hand feels strangely hot on his arm, eyes looking at him with an unnerving amount of trust. He knows that he means it. “I’d go with you.”
When a slow, bright smile spreads across her face again, JJ has the sudden sensation that he’s looking into the sun. “When?”
“When do your parents get home from their party?”
She looks at the blue digital watch on her wrist. “We better get moving.”
Even though Kiara assures him that the Carreras will likely not be home from their dinner for a good few hours, the thrill of sneaking through the empty house as quietly as possible remains unmatched.
Their first stop is the kitchen, where they fill a backpack with enough peanut butter and banana sandwiches, cheetos, and Gatorade to sustain them for several weeks (at least by their nine-year-old brains’ estimate).
Then, they sneak up the stairs between fits of giggles, JJ tripping more than once - definitely not on purpose or just to make Kiara laugh because that would be ridiculous - and into Kiara’s bedroom to grab the essentials.
He insists on waiting outside to guard the door against unnamed threats while she rifles through her closet for another travel bag. She emerges a few minutes later, bright purple backpack bursting with four sets of clothes, her friendship bracelet kit, her DS-I (with Pokemon and Mario Kart, obviously), a book on birds of the Carolina Coast she insists will be useful, and the ziplock bag full of chore money she’s been saving for emergencies.
“Ready?” he asks when they’re back on the front porch, sizing up the darkness beyond the fluorescents.
“Where are we going to go?” she asks in a soft voice.
He turns and looks at her as she shifts from foot to foot, chewing on her lip and absent-mindedly adjusting the straps on her backpack. The hesitancy in her expression is almost as jarring as the crying had been, and, for a second, the fear that she’s going to change her mind grips his stomach.
So, he says the one place he knows she can never say no to.
“How ‘bout to the ocean?”
She grins back with that same blinding smile, fingers skimming the bracelet tied around her wrist, the twin to his, and he knows she’s made up her mind.
“Right where we belong, then.”
In a moment of insane courage he can’t quite find the source of, he grabs her hand.
“I know somewhere we can wait for the ferry.”
He doesn’t give her any more time to change her mind before he tugs her down the stairs in a full sprint, her laughter and the wind swirling together and whistling in his ears until he feels like his chest is going to burst.
***
9:00 pm
Having a destination in mind makes the journey that much more exciting.
The two of them keep to the shadows, sometimes running, sometimes creeping along at a snail pace. Every now and then, JJ stops dead in his tracks, pulling Kiara by the arm to press against the side of a house or behind a tree, a finger to his lips.
When he’s sure that whatever imaginary danger has passed, or that he didn’t really hear anything after all, he nods, stepping back out in front of her and motioning for her to follow along once more.
It takes hardly any time at all for Kiara to pick up the habit in return.
They walk for a long time. At least an hour by Kiara’s watch. Through neighborhoods and back streets, across bridges and through familiar parking lots. Long enough for her to begin to wonder if JJ really does know where he’s going after all.
Maybe they should be a little more on edge, two unaccompanied kids walking the streets of Kildare after the sun’s gone down, armed with nothing more than a backpack full of peanut butter sandwiches and a sense of excitement.
But, neither of them can seem to find it in themselves to be afraid. Not when the other is next to them, anyway.
After what begins to feel like miles, the houses begin to thin out and they soon find themselves walking along the beach, Kiara staring at the back of a blonde head that seems to have a pretty good idea of where they’re going.
She’s just about to ask for a quick breather (she can feel the beginning of blisters blooming along her heels) when JJ stops abruptly, turning with a satisfied, smug grin.
“We’re here.”
Kiara tilts her body to look around him, a bit confused by the pile of boulders they have just stopped in front of, towering over them. She raises her eyebrows. “We are?”
In lieu of answering, he cracks his knuckles comically, turning away and making his way over to the rocks, climbing with alarming speed and an even more concerning lack of agility, leaving Kiara with no other choice than to follow.
The climb is less challenging than expected. The boulders are big, footholds are easy to find, and JJ’s hand is waiting to pull her up as soon as she’s close enough.
When she reaches the top, she’s met with a view she had not been expecting on her climb up.
They’re on the edge of the harbor, able to see the crescent of lights from the town as they flicker along the shore. To their left, the ocean stretches for miles and miles into inky blackness.
JJ points to some place along the shore. “There,” he says, shifting to stand close enough so she can follow the line of sight of his index finger. “We’ll be able to camp out here and wait for the ferry to come in the morning.”
“Well, what time does it come?”
“Early.”
“How did you know about this place?”
“I don’t know,” he sits down and unzips his bag. “I found it a few weeks ago just looking around.”
“By yourself?”
“Yeah.”
Before she can ask when he could have possibly detached himself from the Pogues, especially John B, long enough to discover this spot on his own, his hand emerges from the bag with a sandwich and purple Gatorade. “Dinner?”
She smiles, sitting down on the cool rock next to him. “I already had dinner.”
“Well, eat again,” he says solemnly as he takes a bite from his own sandwich. “Adventures require all the energy you can get.”
“We should name it,” she manages through a mouthful of peanut butter. “Good places deserve good names.”
He takes a contemplative bite, chews, swallows, and says with complete confidence. “Dick’s Point.”
“JJ!"
“What? Dick is short for Richard.”
“What does Richard have to do with anything?”
“Because then the nickname could be Dick,” he points an insistent finger at her. “And Dick is funny.”
Kiara sighs, picking off some of her crust and tossing it to a sand crab scuttling along a few feet to her right. She can’t argue with logic as sound as that. “Dick’s Point it is.”
The cackle she gets in response makes the name worth it.
10:54 pm
“I can’t believe you chose Turtwig as your starter.”
“What’s wrong with that? He’s cute. Look, he’s got a little tree on his head, I thought you would like that.”
“You can’t just pick your starter Pokémon just because you think it’s cute.”
“Why not?”
Kiara gives an exasperated groan. “It’s just not how you should play, JJ!”
JJ reaches over and shoves her a few inches away from him. “Quit looking right over my shoulder, you said I could play.”
“Yeah, but you’re playing it wrong .”
“You better get used to it.” He’s grinning as he bats her hand away one last time. “We only have this and Mario Kart to last us for our trip.”
Kiara rolls her eyes, but smiles as she flops over onto her back, her wild hair fanning out on the cool rock underneath. “Speaking of. Where are we going to go?”
JJ pauses the game, and looks out over the water thoughtfully. “Anywhere we want. I’ve heard California has great surfing. And I'm getting pretty good at surfing.”
“Whatever you say.”
He continues on, ignoring her. “New York looked cool in Home Alone 2. My mom talks about Charleston sometimes…Florida seems fun…”
“No, not Florida. It has to be, like, somewhere we haven’t been before.”
“I haven’t been to Florida.”
Kiara props herself up on her elbows to get a better look at him. “You haven’t been to Florida?”
He hopes he shuts off the light of the DS in time to hide the heat rising in his face. “I’ve never left the Outer Banks before.”
The few beats of silence make JJ wish he could crawl out of his skin. He’s just beginning to form some joke or quick response to diffuse the tension when she sits straight up, a look of resolute determination painting her features.
“Well, none of those are good enough, then.”
Her features are painted with a look of determination he’s seen many times before. In front of teachers and bullies and Pope when he tries to talk them out of whatever scheme has been put on the table. The kind of look that he knows will make him believe whatever she says next.
“Who cares about Florida when we’ve got the whole world, JJ?”
When she looks at him the way she is now, he knows he doesn’t.
Something about the way she stresses, her jaw set and her hair wild in the sea breeze and her eyes glinting with steel makes it a little hard to look at her. The same way it had on her porch. Like looking into the sun. He elects to open the screen back up with a solemn nod.
“The world tomorrow, Eterna City tonight.”
“Oh, you are not going to run into Eterna City with your Pokédex looking like that .”
12:10 am
When the DS dies an hour later, neither of them seem to mind too much.
“That’s the Big Dipper, right there,” JJ says, pointing up to the sky. They’re both on their backs now, side by side. He can feel the toe of her sneakers bump into his every once in a while.
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. That’s the one constellation everyone knows.”
Kiara laughs. “No, I mean, it’s not the Big Dipper. It’s called Ursa Major. The bear. It’s kind of a sad story.”
JJ turns his head, raising his eyebrow expectantly.
She obliges. “Zeus fell in love with this lady named Callisto and they had a son together. I think his name was Arcus. But, Zeus was already married to Hera.”
JJ gasps for dramatic effect, earning a light punch to the shoulder.
“Hera found out and got really mad and sent people after the two of them to kill them. So, to save them, Zeus flung them both up into the sky. But, now they’re stuck there forever-”
“-and have all these idiots calling them the big and little dipper,” JJ finishes.
Her sneaker hits his again. “Right. See? I told you. Kinda sad.”
The boy scrunches his brows together. “Why is that sad?”
“I told you, they’re stuck there. And Hera was going to kill them! Is there an upside to that?”
Truth be told, he’s not entirely sure why it doesn’t strike him as depressing. The tight feeling the story gives his heart doesn’t feel depressing. Like the one he got when he watched Inside Out for the first time or found out he wasn’t going to be in the same class as John B for the first time in fourth grade. Instead, it feels more like when he watched Heyward pick up Pope early from school to let him go fishing for his birthday. Or when he knows he’s already a step ahead of Harry Martin and learned all the way back in third grade how to sign his own permission slips.
Envy. Longing.
“I don’t know,” he finally relents, trying to keep his voice steady against the uncomfortable pinch in his throat. “I guess I just figured, at least they’re together up there."
It doesn’t go away for a long while. Not even when Kiara reaches for his hand and gives a quick squeeze before dropping it.
“Did you know?” Her voice is quiet and measured when she speaks again. “That wherever we go, we may have all new stars? I bet those stories are just as good.”
JJ nods wordlessly, watching the stars flicker in and out of the spare, thin clouds that skate above them. He can’t help but wonder if his mom is out there tonight, looking up at the same sky which ones she would see. He hopes they’re the same as his.
1:18 am
“Kie? Are you asleep?”
“No.”
“You’re not allowed to fall asleep.”
“I’m not falling asleep, my eyes just need a break.”
“Here, drink another Gatorade or something, it’ll give you a sugar rush.”
“ Ow , JJ you didn’t have to throw it at me.”
“Tell me more about the stars. Like that one.”
“Which one?”
“That one. The blinking one.”
“I think that’s a satellite.”
“Or a UFO.”
“Could be.”
“How do you know so much about them, anyways. They don’t teach us astrology in school.”
“Astronomy?”
“That’s what I said.”
“My dad. He really likes that kind of stuff. When we go on our annual summer camping trip he always brings his telescope for us.”
“Oh.”
“We go every July.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I guess…I guess we won’t go this year.”
“I guess not.”
“Not that I want to go back or anything.”
“No.”
“I mean you don't…want to go back home do you?”
“Not until my mom comes back.”
“We can still look at the stars. You can show me.”
“Yeah…I can.”
“It’ll be great.”
“Well, different stars. Remember? Northern versus southern hemisphere and all that.”
“Even better.”
“Why?
“We can learn them together, then.”
2:30 am
They listen to the tide come in for a long time before JJ speaks again.
“I lied.”
“What?”
“I didn’t find this by myself.”
“Did you find it with John B?”
“My mom.”
“Oh.”
“Kie?”
“Mhm?”
“What if she doesn’t come back?”
“She will.”
“But, what if she doesn’t?”
“Then you still have a family.”
“My dad’s not very nice to me anymore.”
“Not your dad. Us.”
“Oh.”
“I mean it. You always have the Pogues.”
“I guess. Hey, Kie?”
"Yeah?"
"I'm really going to miss them."
“Yeah.”
“And the Chateau. We didn’t get to tell them goodbye.”
“We can write them. Maybe they’ll come meet us soon.”
“Once we remember their addresses, you mean?”
“Right.”
Silence yawns deep and empty, only the lapping of waves on a familiar shore echoing. The thought of never hearing those waves again suddenly makes them feel hollow inside. Kiara is the one to break it.
“At least we’ll have each other.”
They listen to the tide come in. As Kiara leans her head on JJ’s shoulder, she thinks about what home sounds like, and how this is probably it.
4:25 am
He’s watching when Kiara reaches into the bag and brings out the bird book she insisted would be so helpful. Watches her carefully open the front cover, just enough for him to see the words scratched inside in a tight, neat script.
Thought you would want to know more about the birds that share Kildare with you. No matter how far or wide you spread your wings remember you can always come home to us.
Happy Birthday, Kiara!
Love, Mama and Dad.
She says nothing. Just stares at the words on the cover like she’s trying to memorize the curve and point of every last letter. JJ knows this is the reason that she brought it. Part of him knows where they’re going to be once the sun comes up.
5:37 am
By the time the sun’s finished rising above the ocean, soaking them both in a warm, golden light, tears are streaking down Kiara’s cheeks.
“JJ?” Her voice is as quiet as the wind blowing up over the cliffs when she finally speaks.
She doesn’t have to say more than that. And he doesn’t try to convince her to stay.
JJ only nods, standing and shouldering her overnight bag before he offers out his hand to take hers once more.
He doesn’t drop it until she needs it to open the front door of her house.
Right before it shuts on him entirely, she stops, smiling at him through the crack, and whispers, “See you tomorrow.”
As he stands there for a few moments after she closes it, his heart and his hand feel a little more empty than they did before. He can hear Mike and Anna’s voices through the open windows. Can’t make out all the words, but the soft “home” and “worried” and “safe now” that he does catch don't even sound all that angry. Just relieved.
It’s the first time he really stops to wonder what that must feel like. Even more jarring, it’s the first time he realizes that he doesn’t think he knows.
What it’s like to have someone miss you when you’re gone, and someone worry like that. To want to go home.
Unlike the other three, JJ somehow already knows ‘home’ will never be four walls to him. At least, not the ones his father wasted away in, or the ones where his mother’s absence still stung like a fresh cut.
When he thinks about home, it usually feels like Rixon’s, and learning to surf with John B. It feels like grocery runs with Pope on the Heywards’ clunky old boat, and the few bucks they’re allowed to keep in the summer. It’s afternoons at the Chateau, Big John teaching them how to make his famous mac and cheese.
Right now, when he thinks of home, it’s mostly peanut butter sandwiches and sea breeze off the edge of a cliff, Kiara’s laughter echoing up to the stars.
Part of him thinks that's what he always wants it to be.
Here, on her front porch, it’s the first time he admits it to himself. That Kiara has carved out a space for herself in the corners of his mind, a space that is just her own. A little smaller than John B’s, smaller than even Pope’s, but a different space entirely. Kiara feels different.
It’s not the last time the two of them will end up on Dick’s Point together. After arguments with parents or the other Pogues or each other. After horrible dates and stellar grades on tests. After bad days and even good ones. Whenever they just need to get away from everything else.
The ferry will always be there tomorrow. He wholeheartedly believes Kiara will be, too.
***
The fence between them feels more like a wall as Kiara stares back at JJ in confusion, the soft light of the paper lanterns casting them both in the shadows.
“What?”
“I said we’re leaving,” JJ repeats, jerking his head back to where he docked the beat-up old skiff. “Tonight.”
“I know, I heard you, I just-” Kiara glances back over her shoulder at the party she’s left behind her, turning back to him with an amused smile and leaning forward like she’s sharing a secret. “I’m kind of busy.”
“No, your parents are busy. Which is why we can leave.”
Her smile fades when she takes in the lack of humor in his expression. “I can’t tell if you’re joking right now.”
His lack of response is all the answer she needs.
Kiara straightens up slowly and draws her arms around her chest like she’s trying to brace herself for impact. “JJ, if this is about what I told you guys yesterday, I wasn’t trying to freak you out. But I can’t go running away to camp out on Dick’s Point like we’re nine again and expect Blue Ridge to just go away-”
“We’re going a little further than Dick’s Point, Kie.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
JJ’s hand goes to his pocket. Clutches the keys to the HMS like a lifeline. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears. “Surf trip’s starting a little earlier than expected.”
When she just stands there, mouth slightly open, brows pulling together in slow realization, he hurries on, trying to get the words out of his mouth before he can change his mind. “I mapped it all out. If we leave right now and grab your shit from your house, we could make it to the Keys in two days. Cleo mentioned knowing some people down there who would be willing to let us bum gas and-”
“JJ-”
“Then from there it’s really up to us, you know? Mexico would probably be our best bet, find some easy work, then figure out how to get to South America-”
“ JJ ,” she cuts him off with a hand on top of his, still gripping onto the gate post. “That…sounds great. But, I can’t.”
His chest tightens. He pulls his hand out from underneath hers. “Why not?”
“Because we can’t keep just running away from our shit. We’ve tried that and look where it got us.”
“Running kept us alive.”
“Running got us into this mess in the first place. It almost killed our best friends and almost got John B put on fucking death row and stranded us on an island. Running is the whole reason they want to send me away in the first place.”
“Exactly. And I’m trying to save you, Kiara. I’m giving you an out so that you don’t have to be sent off to some wilderness school where they make you take hundred mile hikes through the fucking mountains and we never see you again.”
“Blue Ridge isn’t even set in stone yet,” Kiara hisses, “partially because I haven’t been rocking the boat and trying to work on shit with my parents.”
“And you believe them? Everything they’ve done and said to you and you really think they’re not going to put you on a bus the first chance they get?”
“What do you want me to say?”
That you’ll come with me.
He sets his jaw. “Are you coming or not?”
“Please don’t make me do this JJ-”
“So, that’s it then? You just stay here? Fold like a law chair and go to kook parties with your kook family friends and listen to mommy dearest because you’re scared?”
“Jesus Christ, JJ, I’m just - fuck -” She wipes at her eyes and he feels a sharp stab of regret. “I’m just trying my best here, why are you yelling at me?
“Because, look ,” he says, thrusting his arms out beside him, at the too-dainty paper lanterns hanging overhead, and the too-dressed up people mingling around them, talking in voices that feel too quiet for the Wreck. “Look at this. You don’t belong here, Kiara!”
Kiara laughs once, humorless and cold. “Do you know how sick I am of hearing that, JJ? Of people trying to tell me where and what I'm supposed to be? Maybe I’m tired of always being at odds with fucking everyone. My parents, the Pogues at school, the kooks.” Her voice is rising, breaking off mid-sentence in a way that makes his stomach twist.
And he knows he should let up, and maybe try to make her feel better, but he’s never been good at cooling down once he gets going. Not without Kiara’s help. “You know you’re out of place, here!”
“I’m apparently out of place everywhere, JJ! Tell me, where do I belong?”
On the ratty couch in the Chateau. In the HMS Pogue trying to fix spark plugs. On the beach with their surf boards and beers and waves that scare everyone else but them. With him. Anywhere she wants, as long as it’s with him.
Except he doesn’t say that. He lets the anger and frustration pounding in his head flood his system and wipe away everything else. For a moment, it’s better than the horrible ache he feels in his chest whenever he thinks about the Carreras taking her away.
He scoffs, allowing his eyes to glide over the decoration and the people in disdain, before landing back on her. “Anywhere you want, I guess. I don’t fucking care. Have fun at Blue Ridge.”
JJ doesn’t wait for her response, turning to head back down the dock. Before the hot tears behind his eyes can have a chance to escape.
He’s not even put the boat fully in gear before guilt begins burning hot and nauseating in his gut. When he can’t stand it any longer, he turns to look back. It’s a mistake. Kiara is still standing in place, watching him leave, her expression too far away to make out.
Maybe she was onto something when she told him he was always running when shit got hard. When she told them about Blue Ridge, taking Kiara as far away from Kildare as possible before the Carreras could had been the first thought on his mind. He’d even started packing that night.
He might run, but never from her. Sure as hell never without her.
As the last bits of the anger burn away, JJ is already wishing he can take back every empty word, just like he always fucking does. He hates how he never knows what to say or how to say it, or how to tell her what he really wants to say.
That she could come back a million more times, heart broken and battered and exhausted from trying to make her parents understand her the way the Pogues do, and JJ would be there.
Ready to be whatever she needed him to be. A shoulder to cry, a hand to hold when she needs to stand and fight. And if she wanted to run away from it all, he’d be right there, ready to take her wherever she wanted to go.
“I would go with you.”
JJ knows. It’s as true now as it was seven years ago on those front porch steps.
He would still go anywhere as long as it was with her.