Work Text:
I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I have said too much
Been too unkind
I tried to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I tried to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'Cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness, plead with you
But I know that it's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
- Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure
The lights were flickering. Mike, Will, Jonathan, and Argyle were watching El convulse and choke in the salty tub of water, her nose bleeding profusely. Will was shaking from the nerves of it all.
Mike was screaming for El to wake up, to come back to him. It shattered Will’s heart to hear him sound so lost and helpless. They all hoisted El up onto cold, metal table, hoping that would break her out of Max’s mind and Vecna’s grasp.
As Mike continued to yell for El to wake up. It was a lot all at once, and he knew he couldn’t do anything to help his sister.
But he knew Mike could.
“Mike,” Will said to grab his attention, “Don’t stop, okay? You’re the heart, okay? Remember that. You’re the heart!”
Mike stared at him for a second before turning right back to his girlfriend. He looked at El sobbing and choking on the table and knew he had to be the one to get her out of there.
“El? I don’t know if you can hear this, but if you can, I want you to know I’m here, okay? I’m right here. And… I love you,” Mike begins to say.
“El, do you hear me? I love you. I’m sorry I don’t say it more. I… it’s not because I’m scared of you. I’m not. I’ve never felt that way. Never! But I am scared that one day you’ll realize you don’t need me anymore. And I thought if I said how I felt it would somehow make that day hurt more ,” Mike poured out. Will looks at him, glossy eyed and trembling lips.
“The truth is, El, I don’t know how to live without you. I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods. You were wearing that big yellow Benny’s Burgers T-shirt. And it was so big, it almost swallowed you whole,” Mike painfully laughed out.
Mike continued to talk to El more, but Will started to tune it out, trying to focus on one thing he said. What did he say? That his life started the day he found Eleven? The day he went missing ?
It was like a shot to the heart. Will felt his chest compress and his breath shorten. How could Mike say that? Did he honestly mean that his life started the same day Will was kidnapped by the Demogorgon? He felt himself grip the sides of the table, trying to focus his attention anywhere besides his own thoughts.
Jonathan gave him a worrisome glance, noticing his new behavior. Will looked up at Jonathan, tears now spilling out his eyes, unable to make them stop. His whole body was now shaking and he quickly stood up. He needed to leave, he couldn’t be there, but he couldn’t leave his sister to just lay there and convulse.
Will could hear Mike now yelling at El to fight. He knew his speech was coming to an end because of the commanding tone of his voice. The lights began to flicker again and everyone lifted themselves from crouching around El.
After a few minutes of El laying there, eyes moving back and forth under her eyelids, she woke up and gasped. The group collectively sighed in relief and Mike scooped her up into a hug. Will watched with a pained stare, selfishly wishing it was him that he hugged.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, El. I love you so much,” Mike cried out, his arms still wrapped around her. El let out a laugh and wept into his shoulder. She murmured about Max but no one could make out what she was saying.
“Can you walk?” Jonathan asked gently, not trying to startle her. She lifted herself from Mike’s grasp and nodded hesitantly. She tried standing up but her legs were wobbling.
Mike took her under her arm and called out to Will for him to help. He complies, though he was silent the entire time.
Once they were able to get into the Surfer Boy’s pizza van, El fell right asleep along with Argyle in the front seat. Jonathan kept eyeing Will to see if he still was acting the same from before. After that talk they had together, he thought Will would come to him whenever he was ready.
Will stared out the window, his lips trembling again and now fiddling his fingers.
Jonathan sighed quietly and started the van up again. Once he began to drive, Mike was soon asleep, head on top of El’s.
It was a good ten minutes into the drive back to Hawkins when Will heard Jonathan cough to get his attention. He looked at his older brother with a tired, tear stained look in his eye.
“Are you okay?” Jonathan asked carefully, not trying to upset him further. Will furrows his eyebrows and pressed his lips together, trying to find the right words.
“I’m glad El is safe,” Will whispered in response. It was now Jonathan’s turn to furrow his eyebrows. “We all are, but… I asked if you are okay.”
He didn’t know how to answer because the answer was completely not what he knew Jonathan wanted to hear. He opened his mouth to say yes, but he couldn’t lie to him anymore. He felt tears well up in his eyes before they dropped into his lap.
He shook his head no and put a hand over his mouth as to not make noise to wake anyone up. Jonathan let out a shaky breath before, nodding in sympathy. “Do you want to talk about it?” He tried.
Will shook his head again but quickly added a quiet, “later,” as to not completely shut down Jonathan’s offer. Seeming to have liked the answer, Jonathan nodded more confidently before shifting his eyes back onto the dark road.
As tears continued to spill from Will’s eyes, he couldn’t stop replaying what Mike said. After years of tears spent on Mike, Will quickly realized there was absolutely no chance of him ever saying the words “I like you,” to his best friend.
He never wanted anyone to know he didn’t like girls the same way his friends do, but he figured at least some of the people he loves would accept him. He knew Jonathan and his mom would. Would Dustin and Lucas? Would El and Max? What about Mike? That would be the worst of all: being thrown aside by the one person he loves not like a friend or family member.
He leaned his head against the cold window and tried to let sleep take over him. Once he slowly drifted into sleep, he was back in the Upside Down.
He could subconsciously feel the back of his neck form goosebumps as he stood in the middle of the Upside Down. He shot his head back and forth, trying to figure a way out like he’s done in the past.
But this was new, this was Nevada, a place he’s only been in for a short period of time. There was nothing for miles except for black tendrils covering the ground. Will’s breath goes short and now he’s starting to panic more.
Thunder and lightning rolled in, a silhouette appearing in the fog in front of him. Will paled as he realized that Vecna was still alive . He gasped for air but he couldn’t take in a deep breath.
He heard a faint male voice around him, but he couldn’t hear what he was saying. As he tried to focus on the voice calling out to him, he realized it was Mike. His surroundings then faded away as he woke up to Mike shaking his shoulder.
“Will… you were shaking and muttering in your sleep. What’s going on?” He asked, worry laced throughout his words. Will looked at him, a scared look in his eyes. He shifted away from Mike’s touch and shook his head. “Nothing,” he simply said.
Mike opened his mouth to say something but Will closed his eyes again and tried to pretend that he was sleeping so Mike would leave him alone.
The majority car ride was like that. Will feigning sleep, Mike trying to talk to Will but kept being shut down, and worried side glances from Jonathan. Will never felt more relieved that Argyle was too high off his ass to acknowledge Will’s existence and that El was too exhausted to stay awake.
After a couple pit stops for snacks and bathroom breaks, Jonathan pulled into the last gas station before finally getting home. “Okay everyone, this is the last stop and I’m not stopping after this,” He called out, waking everyone in the car. El slid the van door open, hopping out to use the bathroom. Jonathan and Argyle also needed to go and do their business.
“You two cool with watching the van?” Jonathan asked the duo. Mike nodded and gave him an awkward thumbs up. Will reluctantly gave him a hum in response, indicating that he would.
“Thanks,” Jonathan curtly said before leaving to use the bathroom.
The two boys sat in silence for a few seconds. Mike turned his whole body towards Will, staring at him. Will side eyed him awkwardly. “What?” He asked, now feeling self-conscious that Mike was just flat out staring at him.
“What? What? What the hell, man? Why have you been ignoring me and acting all douchey the entire car ride?” Mike accused Will.
Will glared at him and shook his head violently. “I’m not talking about it with you,” He laughed out bitterly. He stared out the window but Mike took his shoulders and completely turned Will around to look at him.
“Fuck off, Mike!” Will said loudly, but not yelling quite yet.
“No! Tell me what’s wrong! We’re best friends, Will, I thought we didn’t hide anything from one another,” Mike shakes his head lightly.
Will stared at him with his mouth open. “Are you serious? You have to be joking. Mike you don’t give a shit about me, you’ve made that so perfectly clear,” He laughed out, tears once again forming in his eyes.
“What the hell do you mean I don’t care about you? Of course I care about you!” Mike defends but Will shakes his head.
“No! You don’t! You don’t Mike… at least not like you used to. It was us against the world but once El came into our lives we were never the same. I love El like a sister, I really do, I don’t hold anything against her, but you never acted the same around me since you met her,” Will began to yell.
Mike stared at the other boy, completely silent.
“You said it yourself. The moment you met El, your life started? Do you realize that is was the day I was kidnapped, being help captive in the Upside Down? Imagine how I would feel knowing the best day of your life, was the worst day of mine,” Will sobbed out. He didn’t know he could cry this much.
Mike looked at him with a panicked expression, trying to find the right words to reassure him. “That’s not what I meant-“ Mike began to say but Will cut him off with a sharp “No!”
“I don’t want to hear excuses Mike. You knew exactly what you were saying. You don’t need to reassure me. Just please leave me the fuck alone,” Will blurted out shakily. He turned his body away from Will. A few seconds later, El sits back down next to Mike and stared confusingly at the two boys.
“Is something wrong?” El slowly asked the two. Will didn’t answer because he knew Mike would talk right over him. “Yeah. Everything is just great,” Mike spat out, clearly not okay. Will let out a humorous breath and rolled his eyes at Mikes response to El.
El furrowed her eyebrows, clearly knowing the two are lying to her. Once Jonathan and Argyle come back to the van, El looked at them.
“Friends don’t lie,” She begins to say but Will let’s out a fake laugh. Everyone was taken aback by Will and El’s hands turned into fists.
“El don’t even begin with that. You’ve been non-stop lying to us the entire time Mike is here. I’m so done with it,” He says, avoiding eye contact.
“I wasn’t lying!” She tries defending herself. Her voice was also shaky and Mike turned to Will with a look of disbelief. Jonathan and Argyle stared at the three of them from the front mirror.
“Stop looking at me! Can we please just get to Hawkins?” Will yells out, trying to deviate the attention from him.
Everyone looks elsewhere as Jonathan started the van and began the last few miles to Hawkins.
The drive was excruciatingly quiet besides the soft noise of Argyle breathing in a joint of Purple Palm Tree Delight. Will only tried smoking weed once, but he didn’t like the feeling of the smoke going into his lungs. He did like the feeling it gave him afterwards though. It calmed him down from the anxiety and pressure he felt on a day to day basis.
After another hour, they finally pulled into the Wheeler’s house. Mike gives Will one more hopeful look but Will just shakes his head and steps out of the van.
Mike’s mom gasps and runs up to her son as Jonathan ran to Nancy. Will and El spotted Dustin and they both ran to him to embrace him.
Once they both let go of Dustin, El went back to Mike. Will stared at them, but instead of the anger he felt for the past two days, he instead felt immense tiredness. He was tired of trying to get Mike to notice him and pay attention to him. He was just so tired of everything that’s been happening.
He figured if the party ever wanted to come back together, he would need to apologize to El and Mike, even though he didn’t think he needed to. After settling in a bit and cleaning up Hopper’s cabin (and an amazing surprise of Hopper and his mom appearing there), he asked around to see where he could find Mike and El.
Dustin mentioned that they might be in El’s old bedroom. He sighed and thanked Dustin before heading to El’s bedroom. He stood quietly in front of the door, trying to stall from speaking to them.
Before he could knock, the door opens slowly, revealing El staring at the door with he hand reached out slightly. Mike looked up and Will and pressed his lips together. Will felt his chest tighten from the looks his friends were giving him.
“I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For everything I said during the trip. I… I didn’t mean for it come off that way. I was just really upset but that doesn’t give me the right to take it out on you two,” Will says quietly, embarrassed that he even has to do this.
Mike stared at him for a second before nodding slowly. “I wasn’t really in the right either. Something definitely did change between us, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t care about you. If you knew what it was like to love someone the same way I love El, I think you would understand where I’m coming from.”
Will could break down right then and there and scream at Mike that he was in love with him, that he knows what it feels like to love.
“I may not know what it’s like to love someone like you do El… I may never, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand,” Will tries to explain.
“Mike I’m not like normal people… you know this. I don’t… I don’t…” He tries to say, but can’t get it out. Mike sighs and gets up off of the couch to hug Will. “You’re my best friend Will. I’m sorry I don’t express that to you enough for you to know,” He whispers. El smiled at the two reconciling with each other.
When they let go do each other, Will smiles painfully at the two and walk out of the bedroom. And for the fourth time in the past two days, he felt tears well up in his eyes. He sucked in a breath and went to the bathroom to calm himself down.
As he grips the sink, and stares at himself crying. He comes to the horrible realization that he doesn’t feel happy with himself. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt true unfiltered joy that wasn’t completely destroyed.
When he heard a knock at the door, his thoughts were put at a halt. He rubbed his eyes so there weren’t any tears. He opened the door and there stood a concerned Jonathan.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked, leaning against the door frame. Will hugged himself and slowly nodded. He let his brother into the bathroom and somehow it got through to Will that Jonathan would never leave him, that he will always love him. And that was enough for now.