Work Text:
Saturday
08:25 AM
“Xiao,” Beidou says softly, not because she’s a person like that but because she’s disgustingly hungover.
“Beidou,” Xiao replies, equally soft. He’s a person like that.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Xiao shrugs, his face too ominous even for a Saturday morning where he has to be up and working. In his hands is a paper he’s currently putting up on the refrigerator. It reads, ‘whoever keeps stealing my almond tofu, prepare for death.’
Beiodu nods sagely. “Fair enough, go on.”
It’s too humid in the break room. Ever since Venti messed with the circuits of the AC and basically broke the machine, everybody’s mercy is in the hands of a fan that doesn’t even oscillate anymore, and who knows how long they have to wait before the AC gets fixed. Zhongli is hell bent on Venti learning his lesson, but he seems to overlook the fact that there are good people working in the book shop, people like Xiao, who are getting cooked alive in the meanwhile. Not like Xiao would ever say anything to Zhongli, but still.
“Man,” Beidou opens the refrigerator door as soon as Xiao’s done with it, “I’m about to fucking evaporate.”
“Welcome to hell.” Xiao mutters. He hates it here.
09:30 AM
“This is your last day on earth.” Announces Lumine as soon as Venti enters from the back door, half an hour late and wearing a Supreme shirt. He sends her a cocky smile.
“Is this a promise?”
“A threat, Venti. From Xiao.”
Venti smile grows into something more sinister. “I’ll be fine, then.”
“What’s that mean?”
Venti shrugs.
“Venti, what the fuck’s that mean?”
“Ehe.”
12:07 PM
The stall door needs fixing. The walls need cleaning. They’re running low on toilet paper, too.
“Damn. Go piss girl.”
Ningguang sighs as she buries her face in her hands. “Beidou?”
“Ning! ‘Sup?”
Beidou’s voice is coming from the adjacent stall, and when Ningguang risks a glance down, she spots her shoes. “God's sake, Beidou,” she says, annoyed, “We’re in the bathroom.”
Beidou doesn’t seem perturbed. “Have you been holding it in since the morning or something?”
Ningguang would snap, but she is correct. It’s been pretty busy this morning, so much so that she hasn’t had the time to pay a visit to the bathroom until lunch break. Peeing after holding it in so much is possibly better than sex.
“Listen,” Beidou continues, “I need you to check this out.”
A few seconds pass where nothing happens except Beidou snickering to herself, and just as about Ningguang asks her what’s going on, Beidou’s hand emerges from under the stall, holding her phone out for her.
“You bring your phone in here?” Ningguang asks in disbelief.
“Just check this out, Ning.”
She takes Beidou’s phone with a sour face. On the cracked screen is a picture of Itto lying on a couch, muscular arms behind his head, a big, toothy grin on his face, and Kazuha is leaning above him, sipping on his boba tea. The plastic cup is placed directly on Itto’s crotch.
“Why are you in possession of this image?” Ningguang asks, her initial disgust long forgotten.
Beidou just cackles.
“What has my life become, honestly…”
Beidou’s cackles turn into a boisterous laughter.
14:32 PM
Lisa is sleeping on the couch in the break room, a book open on her chest.
15:23 PM
Childe enters the break room so forcefully that the door bangs on the wall. There’s a dartboard on the wall with a blurry picture of Zhongli stuck on it, and the whole thing nearly comes down.
“Which one of you.” he wheezes.
Xiao looks up from his book. Venti’s stops midway taking an apple from his bag. Hu Tao’s hand stills on the knife (she wasn’t cutting food or anything, she just has an interest in knives, as she likes to put it, a zeal that none of her coworkers dare unpack).
“Which one of you.” Childe says again. It’s supposed to be a question, but his emphasizing makes it sound like a regular sentence.
“It’s alright,” Kaeya says as he enters the break room. He pats Childe’s shoulder. “Take your time.”
“Which one of you taught Zhongli the word slay.”
Silence. Utter silence.
Kaeya is the first one to start laughing and then Venti and Hu Tao join him.
“How?” Xiao asks. “When?”
Childe’s face sours. “He asked me if my shirt was new and I said yes. Then he said, and I quote, I believe saying slay queen right now should be correct. I will hunt you people for sport.”
Hu Tao bangs Xiao’s book close and declares that they all go see this now or she won’t live to see another day, and everybody follows her because Hu Tao is Hu Tao and no one can ever tell for sure what will happen if they don’t do as she says. They find Zhongli in the café area on the first floor, drinking tea.
“Zhongli,” Kaeya starts. “Hey.”
“Hi?”
“Zhongli, what do you think about my nail polish?” Hu Tao screeches as she shoves her hand on his face.
Zhongli lowers his cup, then thinks for a moment. “Slay bestie.”
Venti throws his head back with a wheeze, his nails digging into Xiao’s left shoulder. Hu Tao’s hand slaps his other shoulder and Xiao winces, trying to free himself of the two monsters holding him hostage. Of course, it doesn’t work. For what they are worth, both Venti and Hu Tao are fairly strong.
“Zhongli, you’re a treasure you know that?” Kaeya giggles.
Zhongli nods sagely. “Bet.”
18:30 PM
“…Scaramouche is currently facing charges against attempted murder, abuse of power, treason, drug use, and possession of illegal weapons…”
“Damn.” Kazuha whistles. “This dude asked for my hand in marriage once.”
Next to him on the couch, Venti stops switching between channels. “What?”
“I told this one guy in class to go kill himself because he was being an ass and this Scaramouche was sitting next to me.”
“Huh. What did you do?”
“He had a bowl cut, Venti.”
They sit in silence for a bit as Venti turns his attention back to the TV, eventually stopping when he comes across Hatsune Miku singing. They automatically start singing it under their breaths.
18:31 PM
Thoma walks past the break room, where he can hear two people yelling the lyrics to Miku.
Sunday
8:47 AM
“There you go, little one.”
Gorou all but screeches as he clings to Itto’s scalp like a lifeline. “What the fuck, you idiot?!”
Itto has just grabbed him and placed him on his shoulders like Gorou doesn’t weigh anything (he probably doesn’t, not for Itto), causing him to drop the books in his hands. Itto expertly catches them with one hand as his other hand holds Gorou in place, who is wearing dog ears after he lost a bet to Kujou Sara the other day.
Itto returns him the books with a huge smile on his face— everything about Itto is huge; his arms and chest, his smile, his eyes— he’s a tree of a man and Gorou often wonders how he manages to move around the place as skillfully as he does.
“Why are you scooping me up for?!” he demands, one hand still secured in place in Itto’s hair.
“You were struggling to reach the shelves, shorty.”
Gorou whines, demanding to be put down immediately. “I can handle this on my own!”
Itto nods. “Sure you can, pup. Now where do you want to go next?”
Gorou sighs. “… the fantasy isle would be nice?”
12:29 PM
“You guys okay there?” Albedo asks. Childe and Kazuha are sitting together at the café, both their heads resting on the table. Kazuha gives a thumbs up, but doesn’t move otherwise. Childe is just… lifeless.
“Karaoke night.” Thoma supplies from his place behind the bar.
Venti enters the café, humming a song. It sounds something like, Tar-tar-taglia, Snezhnaya’s greatest love machine…
15:19 PM
“Listen, Lumine, this is not a phase.”
Lumine hums as she pushes the cart.
“Will you take me seriously?”
“Sure.” Lumine puts the second volume of A Drunkard’s Tale back on its shelf without sparing a glance at her twin.
“I’ve stopped fighting my demons,” Aether rambles on, “We’re on the same side now.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You should open your eyes, Lumi, see the true nature of this world we’re living in.”
“Will do that.”
A lone volume of the Legend of the Shattered Halberd joins the others.
“If you don’t understand my silence, then you don’t deserve my words.”
“Aether, you’re talking right now.”
Aether opens his mouth to reply but then closes it with a huff. Lumine looks him over. “Did Yoimiya do your eyeshadow?”
Aether mumbles under his breath.
“Huh?”
“I said I did it myself.”
Lumine snorts. “Yeah, I can see that.”
17:42 PM
Xiao is looking around for the tagging gun in the storage. Venti is also there, searching for Tales of Byakuyakoku that a customer asked for. He hands Xiao the gun.
“Here you go bestie.”
Xiao gives him a thumbs up. “Thanks, bestie.” He says, voice absolutely straight.
20:53 PM
“What’s all this noise?” Thoma asks as he looks up to the ceiling. He can hear Itto screaming in delight, and footsteps as people run.
Kaeya snorts. “Childe and Venti versus Beidou and Kazuha. The winner will race Gorou and Itto.”
“The fuck?”
“Venti and Kazuha are riding on their shoulders.” Kaeya explains as if that answers everything.
Klee slurps her slushie loudly. “Fuck?” she asks.
“It’s like an exclamation. Don’t use it around Albedo, though.”
Klee nods happily as Kaeya ruffles her hair. Thoma starts giggling.
“He’s behind me, isn’t he?” Kaeya asks gloomily.
Albedo leans forward, hands in his pockets. “Don’t use what around me?”
“Fuck!” Klee singsongs.
“Move your legs, Itto!” Gorou screams upstairs.
Monday
10:15 AM
Thoma looks up from his phone to see Kaeya leaning on the counter with a smirk. “Kaeya,” he says, a hand on his chest, “You scared me. I thought you were Zhongli. I always feel so guilty when he catches me on the phone.”
“I mean, he’s better than Ningguang.”
They nod in unison.
“Sup?”
Kaeya points toward the coffee machine behind Thoma with his chin. “The one in the break room broke because Hu Tao dropped it. I need my morning fix.”
Thoma beams. “Coming right up.”
As he turns around to make some coffee, Kaeya thinks Thoma could commit homicide and still get away with that smile, and he’s all the more powerful for not taking advantage of it. He’s waiting for the day he finally uses it against someone. He hopes it won’t be him.
“There you go.”
Kaeya thanks him and starts for the elevator so he can go to the third floor and hide behind the shelves before he absolutely has to get to work. It’s quiet up there until the later hours of the day. Peaceful.
When he uncaps his paper cup so he can drink without burning his whole mouth in the process, he’s met with several hearts on the foam of his coffee.
He smiles.
13:32 PM
“I want something colorful the next week.” Itto declares. Before him, her attention on his giant fingernails she’s painting, Yoimiya hums.
“Sure.”
“Or maybe you could paint each nail a different color? Ya think people’d dig that?”
“Maybe. Do you mean like a rainbow?”
“Yeah, man, that’d be sure to turn heads. Arataki the fashionista Itto!”
Yoimiya snorts. “Arataki rockin-with-the-LGBT Itto, more like.”
Itto guffaws, a loud and hearty sound, leaning back, and Yoimiya has to hold his hand tight so he won’t screw his nails in the process. She doesn’t have her nail polish remover with her today and she really doesn’t want her hard work to go to waste.
“Dude,” she tsks, “Stay still, would you? I’m trying to paint your nails here.”
Itto wipes his eyes with the back of his free hand. “Sorry, sorry.”
From behind one of the shelves, Thoma’s head peaks out. “Silence.” He orders. Both Yoimiya and Itto can see the fond smile on his face.
16:45 PM
“Xiao!” Aether’s voice reaches Xiao’s ears from down the corridor and a moment later he’s beside him, holding onto his arm, dragging him somewhere.
“What,” Xiao hisses, “And I can’t stress this enough, the fuck, Aether?”
He has a duty. He’s been trying to organize the books on the first floor since this morning but there are mostly kids’ stuff there and the little rascals, sadly, aren’t aware that their actions have consequences. They don’t give a rat’s ass about taking coloring books off their shelves and leaving them scattered on the floor or putting them on the fantasy shelves. They don’t care that Xiao has to search the whole three floors of the book shop just so he can retrieve that one specific bedtime story Albedo required for Klee. Kids.
Aether shushes him as they keep walking. “It’ll be worth it, I swear. Just come with me.”
Xiao obeys silently. They speed walk their way to the break room and when Aether pushes the door open, a proud smile on his face, Xiao understands.
Venti.
The little shit is sitting on a chair leaning back so the front legs of it are in the air, the fan turned up to the highest before him. In his hands, a box of almond tofu. Xiao’s almond tofu, to be exact.
“Sup?” Venti nods, cheerfully, his cheeks puffy with all the tofu he’s squeezed into his mouth.
Wordlessly, Xiao walks up to the refrigerator. He pulls the warning sign off the door and crumbles it into a big ball, then throws it into the bin.
“What the fuck?” Aether asks.
“What was that?” Venti asks. He pushes the last of the almond tofu in his mouth.
Xiao looks at the bin, then at Venti. “What was what?”
21:27 PM
There. Done. Chongyun places the last book on top and backs away to admire his work. Tomorrow’s the day where the fourth and last installment of Rex Incognito, one of the most popular fantasy series as of late, will officially hit the shelves, and he wants everything to look orderly lest he won’t be there next morning. The books are stacked together in the shape of a cone and it looks immaculate, if he has to say so himself. He wants to feel happy, proud even, but then it all withers away as his friend-slash-coworker Xingqiu appears at the other end of the room, walking his way toward him. He looks… sad? Devilish? Both at the same time, somehow?
“Chongyun,” he says, making his way to him. He leans on the books Chongyun has spent precious hours on organizing like it’s nothing, a hand on his forehead.
“What?”
Xingqiu sighs. “Have you heard what happened to Ganyu?”
“Ganyu?”
Xingqiu nods. “Ganyu fit deez nuts? In your mouth?”
From behind them, by the cash register, a diabolical laughter is heard— Hu Tao. Chongyun just stares at Xingqiu, even as he cackles so hard he starts coughing, even as he disturbs the books in his frenzy and sends himself flying to the floor with them.
“Fuck you.” he ends up saying. “Fuck you, Xingqiu.”
“Oh? You wanna go? You wanna fucking go, Yunyun?”
Xingqiu rests his head on the books as he lies on his back, one hand on his stomach and the other rests on his forehead. Small wheezes are still escaping his mouth.
“Yeah bitch, let’s go. Tomorrow at lunch break. Parking lot.”
Hu Tao joins them. “Can I be the referee?”
Tuesday
09:43 AM
There’s a new sign stuck to door of the refrigerator in the break room. It reads, ‘Scheduled at 12:30 TODAY, Xingqiu and Chongyun will be fighting in the parking lot. Everybody invited. –Hu Tao <3’
11:42 AM
itto the one and only: decided to pour the contents of a snow globe into a glass and drink it will keep you all updated on how it goes
thomato: aren’t you supposed to be working right now
miyayoi: he took a day off
xingqiu from the erotica section: ok love you yun yun!! x
xingqiu from the erotica section: hold up wrong chat
who tao: banger texts my liege
kaeyak: anyone wanna accompany me to the warehouse bcs i need someone to fight the rats there
child with an e (cheld??): hey girlie
child with an e (cheld??): coming btw
xiao: Why is nobody concerned about the fact that itto is drinking snow globe juice?
benti the bard: snow globe juice
kazoo: snow globe juice
aether with the TANK TOP: snow globe juice
12:25 PM
“Are you going to watch the showdown?”
Venti is sitting atop the rolling ladder with an apple in one hand, dangling his feet lazily.
Xiao looks up at him from where he’s kneeling, organizing the lowest shelf. A bunch of books are sitting haphazardly on his knee. “What?”
“The showdown in the parking lot. Can’t wait to see Xingqiu and Chongyun finally make out and shit.”
“They’re four, Venti.”
Venti giggles. Then, “So? Are you coming or not?”
Xiao shrugs. “I wanted to read actually.”
“Oh?” Venti hops down the stairs, leaning over Xiao. His braids brush over Xiao’s face. “What are you reading?”
“Can you leave me alone for five fucking minutes?”
Kaeya walks past them then, chuckling. “Are those for Venti?” he points at the story books in Xiao’s hands, stamped with 3 and older.
Venti sticks his tongue out like a little kid, proving Kaeya’s point perfectly.
12:30 PM
Xingqiu and Chongyun are watching outside side by side, faces grim. It’s raining.
“Truce?” Xingqiu asks.
“Truce.” Chongyun replies.
“Cowards.” Hu Tao mutters behind them.
15:21 PM
itto the one and only: hospital
19:27 PM
“What is this?”
Ningguang touches gingerly at the ugliest possible toy she’s ever seen dangling from the corner of the register. It’s a… a… she doesn’t even know how to describe it; it’s a shapeless blob of a plushie with many eyes and patches of hair here and there— a truly vile creature, presented for every employee to see so carelessly.
“That’s our baby,” Hu Tao pokes the thing, making it dangle. “Xiao won that for us when we went to the arcade last week.”
“Xiao is surprisingly good at claw cranes.” Lumine nods. “None of us were expecting that.”
Childe who has overheard the conversation stops in his tracks and pats around in his pockets for a moment, then shows Ningguang a smaller plushie of a whale. “See,” he tells her, “He got this for me as well. First try.”
Ningguang nods. “What a weird, useless power to have.”
“We love it,” Venti provides, seemingly appearing out of thin air. “The power. Not Xiao.”
“We don’t love Xiao?” Kazuha seems perplexed. “Man, he chases the cats out so you don’t die or whatever.”
Venti thinks for a moment, then smiles. “Okay, we love Xiao. Just a bit.”