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Gotham is grey and miserable, rain coming down fast and heavy, when headlights flood the driveway. Tim watches from the window of his room, hardly able to see through the downpour, his body shaking minutely with barely contained excitement. He’s pretty sure he must have won some kind of lottery. Not only are his parents home for an entire week, but they told him they were going to go out together. To a circus . Something they would typically consider juvenile and a waste of time.
The front door slams shut and his mother’s voice echoes through the halls. “Tiana, come greet your mother.” Tim cringes at the name on her lips. He forces down the uncomfortable feeling. It shouldn't matter this much to him after all, since his parents have taken a week from their busy schedule for him. Since they’re going to the circus together. Tim won’t stir anything up for risk of ruining the plans. If that means a week of his mother referring to him as a girl well… he’s done it all his life anyway.
He slips down the stairs and notes his father scolding her slightly. “We talked about this, Love. If she wants to pretend for a while it’s better to indulge at home than incite rebellion in public.”
“It’s ridiculous, Jack.”
“Love, please. It’s just a name.”
Janet sighs but seemingly acquiesces. Tim squirms slightly, shoulders falling at the conversation he just caught wind of. He shakes his head once and pulls his shoulders back. This isn’t new and… it counts as something that his dad defended his name, right? It doesn’t matter , he reminds himself. They have plans. His parents are here and they are going to have fun and Tim is fine. He will be fine.
He comes around the corner with what he hopes is a smile. Janet returns the smile and Tim’s heart lifts a bit. “It’s good to see you Ti-” Jack coughs beside her. “Tim. We’ve missed you.” She pulls him into a gentle hug. Foolishly, he feels warmth behind his eyes but he blinks it away.
“I missed you guys too, Mother.”
“Alright, Tim… why don’t you help us with our things. We need to be well rested for the circus tomorrow so I suggest we all head to bed once that’s done.”
Tim ignores the growl in his stomach and immediately moves to get their things from the car. His father is right after all.
Tim won’t admit out loud that he doubts his parents follow through, but internally he had been a little nervous they wouldn't actually go to the circus. So he’s pleasantly proven wrong when they actually do go to the circus as planned the next day. His stomach flips with excitement as the tents and the lights come into view.
They wander for most of the day stopping to look at the animals, glancing at vendors. His mother pays for a reading with the fortune teller and his father actually plays one of the games. He loses and for a second Tim thinks he might yell, but then he complains about being hungry and his father sucks in a breath, loosening his shoulders and turning away. Tim is further shocked when his mother orders fries from the vendor and father gets a chilli dog. Tim gets popcorn and pizza and smiles the entire time. It's undignified but his mother smiles gently anyway when his dad gets sauce on his nose. Tim thinks it’s almost perfect.
After lunch, Tim sees the acrobats from the poster and grins. His mother asks them for a picture and the youngest acrobat smiles, sweeping Tim into a hug while nodding in agreement.
“Smile, Tiana.” His mother chides. His stomach sinks slightly while he tighten his lips pulling them further into a smile for her. Tim thinks the acrobat may have frowned at that but Janet is already pulling him away saying something about finding seats for the show.
The show starts and Tim quickly forgets about his mother’s earlier mistake, distracted by the animals and dancers, the fire breather and the elephant.
“Sweetheart.” His mother pulls him from the show momentarily. “Your father just got a call. They need us down at the office but the driver will come back for you once the show is over, alright?”
Tim’s shoulders fall but he nods and turns back to the show so he doesn’t have to watch them leave. Tim does not notice the small figure hidden under the bleachers where he sits and he certainly doesn’t notice the figure scowling when Tim’s parents leave him alone.
When the Flying Grayson’s show begins, Tim almost forgets about his parent’s leaving. He’s mesmerised as the acrobats throw each other around, catching each other, flipping and swinging, all without a net should one of them fall. Tim can see the youngest one who had hugged him earlier today watching from the platform with a blinding grin on his face. When it’s over Tim is left in a daze. He sits in the bleachers until almost everyone has filed from the tent and then he pulls his knees to his chest trying to push the heavy feeling away.
Today was a good day. They had fun, his mother only slipped up once and she smiled. It was a good day. So what if they left early. Why can’t he just get over it? His parents didn’t have to do any of this with him in the first place, but they did and it was fun so he needs to get over himself.
“Are you alright?” A young voice asks, a thick accent slipping into the words.
Tim sniffs and puts his knees down looking up to see the young acrobat standing next to him. “I’m fine.” His voice wavers threatening to crack.
“Can I sit with you?”
Tim nods stiffly and the acrobat sits. “Are you alone?”
“They um… had a work thing but I uh, have a way home so it’s okay.” Heat behind his eyes again and he wants to growl at the childish reaction.
Next to him, the acrobat frowns again. “Did you enjoy the show?”
Tim lights up and nods. “It was amazing…” He launches into a speech outlining his favourite parts of the show and how insane it must feel to be a part of something so magnificent. The acrobat laughs watching him with light in his eyes.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He held out a hand. “Dick. Dick Grayson.”
Tim takes it, still feeling warm. “Tim… uh, Tim Drake.”
Briefly Dick looks questioning and Tim remembers his mothers slip from earlier. “It’s just that Tiana isn’t really my name you know, but… but she's trying so it’s okay…”
Dick puts a hand on Tim’s shoulder and Tim quiets. “It’s nice to meet you, Tim.” And the natural way that Dick says his name makes his heart flutter a little and his skin settle because for once it feels like it’s his own. Not very many people in his life say his name so easily, like it could actually belong to him. He finds he wants Dick to say it again.
Dick doesn’t seem to notice the emotional moment Tim has internally. “Would you like to learn how?” He asks, snapping Tim from his elation.
“Up there?” His voice does not squeak.
Dick throws his head back with laughter, a bit of hair falling from the hair tie it’s pulled back into. “No silly. Not up there, not yet at least. I’m not even allowed to train up there alone yet. You have to start on the ground.”
Hesitantly, Tim nods. “Great.” Then Dick kneels and looks under the bleachers, leaving Tim confused. “Would you like to come too?” There’s a gasp and then the sound of footsteps running away and Tim is still confused, but mostly because he hadn't even noticed anyone down there. Dick sighs but guides Tim down to the ring and starts walking him through some basic stretches first, following them with some basic acrobatics; somersaults and hands stands.
Dick tells Tim he does well and Tim almost melts under the attention and praise.
When the driver arrives and Tim finally heads home he can’t stop thinking about the way Dick smiles at him and says his name. It’s safe to say he’s star struck.
An emergency requires his parents' presence at a dig site in Peru and they fly out early the next morning. Tim wanders the house with a heavy heart, despite how many times they’ve done this before. He thinks he should be used to it by now.
Tim didn’t think the house could get any emptier than it usually was but… yesterday was so full. Full of light and smiles, laughter and people… fun. And now he’s alone again and it's worse. So much worse.
It’s not even really a decision when he grabs his camera and slips out the front door walking for the bus station. An hour later he’s back at the circus and wandering the grounds, drifting in the direction of the main tent.
“Tim!” He perks up at the sound of Dick’s voice behind him. When he turns Dick is already almost to him. “Hey, you’re back again. Did you miss me?” He teases.
Tim blushes but Dick is already barreling on. “It’s really good to see you. I was just on my way to feed Zitka if you wanted to help. Have you ever met an elephant before?”
And Dick is already pulling him away before he can even answer the question.
He spends the day letting Dick drag him around the grounds. Dick introduces him to each performer before heading to the trapeze set up where his family practices for the show in a few hours. He stays and watches the family practice even as his heart aches watching the way Mary and John Grayson watch Dick with something bright in their eyes. It looks like pride. It looks like love.
He stays and Dick pulls him to a large fire pit where some of the performers are eating together. They join the group and then Dick lets Tim watch the show from the performers section behind a curtain. And just as the night before, when the show is over and the floor is clear, Dick brings Tim into the ring. This time, Tim notices the shadow behind the bleachers.
They make eye contact, the shadow’s eyes widen and they turn to leave. "Wait!" Tim calls. The shadow stops. “Please just wait…” He looks at Dick who watches him curiously and then back to the shadow. “Would you, um, would you like the rest of my popcorn.” He holds up the half full bag.
Slowly the shadow emerges. He takes careful steps, approaching Tim as though Tim would bite him or something and then when he’s close enough he reaches and carefully takes the bag from Tim’s outstretched hand. He looks in the bag and then up at Tim and then proceeds to eat. Tim watches the tension leave him when he realises no one is going to get him into trouble.
“My name is Tim and this is Dick.”
“Jason Todd.” He says through a mouthful of popcorn. When Tim looks back at Dick his face is bright and his grin is mischievous.
Tim makes a questioning face but Dick just waves him off and guides Tim through the next move while Jason watches, trying to smother his curiosity.
The circus is in town for 3 more days to which Tim spends every waking minute there, following Dick around. His mother would be ashamed at the way Tim takes up Dick’s time, but Dick assures him that he’s not in the way and the manor is just so empty that the idea of staying away hurts.
Jason also continues to show up those days. He comes to watch the show and stays to eat the rest of Tim’s popcorn and eventually Dick convinces him to start learning with Tim.
When the week is through and the circus is getting ready to leave, Tim doesn’t bother going back. He’d just be under foot and it will hurt to watch Dick leave just like his parents . Instead he stays in bed, cheeks blotchy and wet. It’s not as though anyone needs him to get up anyway.
Tim is walking to the bus stop from school when it happens. He’s not paying much attention to his surroundings, head hung low and using his mental energy to steer clear of memories from the summer. Dick’s warm smile, the excited feeling Tim would get when he got a move right, Zitka. Forgetting is not going well but he’s pulled from his musing when he knocks into something solid followed by his stumbling backwards and down catching himself with his hands. He hisses as they scrape the pavement and looks up to find a man, or maybe not a man, but someone much older than Tim’s seven years, standing above him.
“What was that for?” He scowls.
“That’s a nice looking camera you got there, kid.”
Instinctively Tim’s hands come up, reaching for the camera hanging from his neck. “Yeah, well it’s mine.” He tries to push himself up but the man knocks him over before he makes it to standing and Tim’s tender hands hit the ground all over again
The man leans down into Tim’s space. “It’s not yours anymore.” He pulls the strap over Tim’s head and rips it away stepping on Tim’s hand when he tries to get up again. He cries out as the pressure on his hand grows.
“Hey!” Someone calls further down the street.
“Get out of here, Todd, this doesn’t concern you.”
“Leave ‘em alone, Tommy.” Tim looks up to see Jason shove Tommy off his hand.
Tommy snorts. “Whatever. I got what I came for.” And the older boy runs in the other direction.
Jason offers a hand and pulls Tim up. “Sorry ‘bout yer camera.”
Tim scowls. “It’s not your fault. It was that jerk who took it.”
“Down boy. That guy would’a torn ya’ to shreds.” Jason chuckles. “Yer hand okay?”
Tim nods but pales when he looks across the street to where the bus is pulling away from the stop. “No no no.”
“Hey Tim, it’s alright. Where do ya’ live, I’ll walk ya’.”
“You’ll walk me all the way to Bristol.” His words tinged with sarcasm.
Jason’s eyes widen for a minute, but then he seems to decide something. “Well sure, but ya’ see that’s a long walk and I’m gonna be pretty tired. Don't suppose a rich kid like you does sleepovers?”
Tim frowns. “You want… a sleepover? With me?”
“What the hell do ya’ mean ‘with you’? Timbo yer’ a blast, at least from the three days I spent with ya’ and besides, who would pass up a night in a Bristol house.”
Tim blushes. “I’d like that.” He whispers. Jason’s expression flickers into something soft before turning back to his signature cheeky grin.
“Well lead the way, Timber.”
***
It’s dark by the time they get to his house and Tim heads straight for the couch. “I don’t think I can walk another step ever again.” He groans. Jason doesn’t answer, causing Tim to look up. Jason’s gaze shifts around the room, eyes wide.
“You live here?”
“Oh, um. Yeah.” He shrugs.
“Are yer parents okay if I stay tonight?”
Tim shrugs. “It’s not like they’ll know. They’re in Peru for another- for a while.”
Jason frowns when he looks back at Tim but he doesn’t push, instead turning back to his exploration. Tim watches him for a moment as he takes it all in. He knows it’s extravagant compared to what Jason is used to, he doesn’t live under a rock, but the extravagance is harder to appreciate when your chest is hollow and your heart aches with loneliness. Not that Tim is complaining, his parents love him after all. He has everything he could ever need so why should he complain?
“I like your haircut.” Tim says and then curses the abruptness of his comment. He blames the long walk and resulting tiredness.
“Mine?” Jason questions absently.
“Yeah. I hate my long hair. It’s hard to brush and stuff…” His voice goes quiet enough he’s not even sure Jason can hear him when he says, “It makes me feel like a girl.”
“I could cut it for ya’ if ya’ like. I cut my own hair ‘cause a haircut costs too much money and it’s not safe to have long hair… uh, where I live.”
Tim thinks that’s odd but who is he to question Jason’s logic. Still the offer makes him blush and his heart feels warm. “Would you really?”
Jason shrugs. “Sure ya’ got scissors?”
So Jason cuts his hair. It’s choppy in some places but Tim loves it nonetheless. He looks in the mirror and grins at the way his new haircut makes him look. Jason catches him staring at his reflection multiple times in various reflective surfaces throughout the night and proceeds to tease him about his vanity.
Tim doesn’t care because for the first time in a long time Drake Manor isn’t empty and he isn’t sad or hollow. In fact, he thinks he might glow a little bit.
The following summer, Haly’s comes back to Gotham. Tim is not sure what he should do about it. It’s been a year since he’s seen Dick, and he never even went to say goodbye the first time around.
The decision is made for him when Jason opens his front door and tells him, “Get dressed loser, we’re goin’ to the circus.”
He spends the majority of the trip worrying.
(“Jason, what if he’s angry with me.”
“Tim, he was worried sick when ya’ didn’t show up, last year. He’ll be happy to see ya’ I promise.”)
Only for Dick to prove Jason right. The second the young acrobat sees them, he's crossing the field and scooping Tim into his arms. “I missed you so much, Babybird.” The nickname causes Tim to giggle and he wraps his arms around Dick returning the hug.
“I’m sorry.”
“None of that now. Goodbyes are hard, I get it.” Dick wears this knowing look that makes Tim shiver. Dick might be psychic.
Dick puts him down and then attempts to hug Jason only to be shoved to the ground. The acrobat grins widely. “I missed you too, Little Wing.”
Jason blushes. “Yeah, I missed you too or whatever.”
And so the three fall back into routine, only Jason sticks around the same as Tim. They help Dick with his chores and spend time with the other performers and after the show Dick works with them on some moves or takes them to play with some of the other kids in the circus. Tim blushes when Dick admires his haircut.
The third day the circus is in town, Dick pulls them aside and tells them his parents are gonna let him actually perform with them that night and his excitement is infectious, leaving them all grinning and laughing for the rest of the day.
Tim and Jason are backstage when it happens. Dick leaves them slightly earlier than usual so that he can go warm up with his family. They watch as the Graysons’ climb to top in the shadows while the fire eater finishes his act. Dick waves at them and then follows his father.
Then the spotlights are on the trapeze showing the Grayson’s off, each of them with bright performing smiles. Dick’s parents start the act and Tim can see him preparing for his part when there’s a resounding snap. Jason gasps and Tim’s stomach drops as the ropes give out. His gaze shifts to Dick who’s pale and screaming, eyes glued to the scene.
Jason is pulling Tim over to the ladder, telling him to wait and then a few minutes later he’s guiding Dick down and pulling them both out of the tent before anyone notices them leaving. If Tim were more aware, however, he might know that someone does notice the three of them slip out.
Jason takes them back to Tim’s house and he makes them cocoa. Dick doesn’t say much, his eyes are glazed over a little bit and Tim’s heart breaks. Dick should never look like that. Tim crawls into Dick’s lap and wraps his arms around the older boy while Jason pulls several fluffy blankets out of the hall closet.
Things are not okay, but Jason and Tim will take care of Dick for now. The shadow in the window smiles softly and then turns to head home. He has work to do.