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Kate’s lips pressed against Yelena’s. Yelena could smell Kate’s perfume, lavender blossoms filling the air.
Kate’s hands rested on Yelena’s back, and as they kissed, began to wander under her shirt. Yelena’s mind set off an alarm at the sensation. “Wait, stop…” she said against Kate’s lips.
Kate instantly pulled away, removing her hands from Yelena’s shirt. “What’s wrong, Yelena?” Kate asked in a worried voice.
Yelena looked down, already regretting her decision. “Nothing…” she muttered. She reached for Kate’s cheek, so they could get back to kissing, but Kate leaned away slightly.
“Yelena, what’s wrong?”
Yelena’s cheeks burned with shame. She couldn’t tell Kate, not when their relationship was the best one she’d ever had. Kate would be disgusted by her. But she had to, if Kate was asking.
“I…I don’t want sex,” she confessed quietly. “I panicked when your hands went under my shirt because it…it reminded me of my missions. Under the Red Room.”
Yelena avoided Kate’s gaze, sure that Kate would tell her to leave.
“Okay.”
Yelena looked up in surprise. “Okay? What do you mean?” she asked.
Kate looked confused now. “I mean okay. I’m fine with it,” she said. Yelena brow furrowed in confusion.
“You’re not mad? You don’t think I’m…broken?”
Kate shook her head immediately. “No, of course not!” she said. “Yelena, not wanting sex does not mean you’re broken. And no one should get mad at you for your own preferences.”
Yelena was shocked. She had been told all her life by countless people from the Red Room, missions, and relationships that she was wrong to not want sex. She was broken and disgusting.
And now Kate was telling her something completely different.
“Are you sure?” Yelena asked, still uncertain. Kate nodded firmly.
“Yes, I definitely am. Being ace is something a lot of people identify as.”
Yelena frowned at the unfamiliar word. “Ace? What’s that?” she asked. Kate smiled.
“Ace is short for asexual. Being asexual generally means that you don’t feel sexual attraction, but it’s a spectrum. Some people are sex-repulsed, some don’t want to have sex for personal reasons, and some people might have sex but not feel any sexual attraction,” Kate said.
Yelena’s mind swirled with all of the terms Kate was throwing out. “I’m…I’m a little confused,” she admitted.
“That’s okay,” Kate said. “I can send you a couple links if you want.” Yelena nodded. “I think I’d like that,” she said.
Kate smiled. “Hey, are you okay with kissing? I wasn’t sure if I’ve been doing the wrong thing all this time.”
Yelena nodded. “Kissing is okay, I just don’t want sex. At all.”
“Ok, good to know. What about cuddling and stuff? Are you alright with that?”
Yelena nodded again. “I like cuddling, it makes me feel safe,” she said. Kate nodded. “Thanks for telling me,” she said. “Is it okay if we cuddle?”
Yelena thought for a moment, then nodded and laid her head on Kate’s shoulder. Kate ran her fingers through Yelena’s hair gently, sending waves of sleepiness through Yelena.
“Thanks for not being mad,” Yelena murmured softly. “Of course, ‘Lena,” Kate replied, continuing to stroke Yelena’s hair. “I would never be mad at you for something like that.”
Yelena smiled. She knew she was lucky to have a partner like Kate. She closed her eyes, happy to finally have someone who accepted her.