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Edward found him when they were young adults, just kids looking to sail off and make a name for themselves. They did that and more, finding each other along the way. Drunk twenty somethings, making pacts to be with each other for the rest of their lives. Tattooing little symbols on each other seemed more permanent than a ring, an X on his cheek, an X on Edward’s chest.
He still got him a ring, though. A nice little silver ring stolen from a first class vessel. Waiting until they were in the dark of night, only lit up by the moon, Izzy remembers Ed’s flush as he refused to look at him.
“I know we have the tattoos,” he had said, looking off into the distance. He had slid the ring over to him. “And I know it’s probably not your size, but–”
Izzy hadn’t waited for him to finish his sentence, leaning over and kissing him. “I love it.”
He thinks about that pact still, in the dark of night. Knowing that it meant more to him than it did to Edward. So he throws himself into his work, into being a pirate, because it’s something he’s good at. Ed continues pulling away, changing and looking to push away the Blackbeard name, and Izzy can’t help but think that he’s pushing him away too.
Until he meets Bonnet.
And it confirms it.
Watching the two of them together hurts more than Izzy wants to admit. He’s not normally a jealous person, but Bonnet just brings it out of him. His smile, his clothing, his idiotic captain skills that still let him eek by to live another day, absolutely everything. The fact that his team respects him and loves him.
He tries not to think about it, really.
Thinking means wallowing, and understanding that the deep longing, the way that his chest tightens and his breath leaves him when Ed walks by is going to be nothing more than a one sided thing. Because Edward chose, and he didn’t choose him. He’s not a religious person– he’d probably burn up if he stepped into a church, but–
Looking at Bonnet, all Izzy can think about is that someone somewhere made a mistake when making him. They made Izzy too gaunt, too mean. Cursed him to become too old without being well rounded.
He’s good at commanding a ship, being the brains and the first line of defense. He could craft a battle plan in his sleep and is an encyclopedia of knowledge on the different kinds of vessels, their captains, and their weaknesses.
He’s been a pirate for so long because it’s something that he’s good at, but watching Stede and Ed find each other over and over and over again, he can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever have that.
So he doesn’t think about it. It’s just as easy to commandeer a bottle of rum and drink until his thoughts leave him.
It’s fine, except for the fact that it isn’t. Everything in constant movement, life changing to and fro in the same way that the moon changes the movement of the waves. The longer he spends with Edward and Bonnet, the more he realizes that maybe Edward wasn’t ever his in the first place.
And that’s change, and Izzy’s never been good with change.
It doesn’t help that Bonnet hates him, either. Not that Izzy particularly likes him. Izzy thinks that Bonnet’s made his name by getting lucky over and over again– being a nice pirate isn’t going to get you very far, and it sure as hell means that Edward’s just going to need to be there to clean up the mess that Bonnet makes.
And the worst part is, a friendship with Edward was salvageable the first few weeks that Bonnet was in their lives. Izzy didn’t want that, though. He wanted the rush of love, of being wanted, and he was going to do anything it took to get it back. Even if it meant forcibly removing Bonnet from the picture.
Of course, because the world hates Izzy and everything he does, or maybe it’s God’s divine intervention, laughing at him for fucking up yet again, Edward calls for an Act of Grace. Pledging his service to the crown, licking their boots just to keep fucking Bonnet alive. Izzy calls Edward to come to his senses, to think about the good times, the times when it was just the two of them against the world.
Edward ignores him, though. Eyes only locked on Bonnet’s shaking hand as he signs the contract. And that really seemed to be the last straw, at least for Izzy. Of course he’s not good enough, of course what they went through wasn’t good enough. Why would it be? Izzy watched his entire relationship burn down with Edward and he was the one pouring gasoline on the fire.
***
When Edward escapes from the English Naval Academy, coming back to the ship without Bonnet, a very secret, very selfish part of him was glad. Glad that Edward finally, finally understood what Izzy’s been feeling.
The neverending ache, the desperation to figure out why is it not me? No one dares to talk about what happened with Bonnet, no one dares to speculate. Blackbeard is still Blackbeard, even in a blanket fort in a silk robe licking marmalade off of his fingers.
It gets worse before it gets better, that’s what Izzy has to remind himself. That this heartbreak, this necessary heartbreak, is going to be something that is going to fix itself with time. But Edward has always been an impatient man. Writing songs, talking about feelings, finding solace in the friendship that he’s made with his crew.
Izzy’s taken to reading from Bonnet’s library, not quite surprised at the sheer amount of books that he has on piracy. And Edward. Or, rather, what Edward is supposed to be.
“He left me,” Edward says, maybe to him, maybe to no one in particular. Izzy’s in the garish, albeit comfortable, chair in the corner of the room, and it isn’t the first time Edward’s talked to no one in particular.
“We’d– made plans to fake our deaths and sail to China with new names. But,” Edward shrugs, lip quivering just the slightest bit, “I guess he changed his mind.”
If Izzy were a better man, if this were a time before Bonnet, he’d have walked over and cradled his face like they did when they were kids. When the only big bad was Hornigold, and they didn’t have to do anything but rely on each other.
But he wasn’t, and the heartbreak is different, and it just makes Izzy pissed. Fucking Bonnet, stealing Edward’s heart and shattering it. Izzy’s never been good at the friend thing, never quite mastered how to hold his feelings back when his heart says something completely different.
Talking sense into Edward never worked before, and it surely won’t work now. This Edward, this… unpleasant shell of a man, laden with heartbreak, is something Izzy’s only seen when he looks in the mirror.
Threats were thrown, anger boiling over into words that Izzy didn’t mean. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Edward’s happy ending gets derailed and he gets to mope about, but Izzy’s future with Ed was erased in a matter of months and he had to pretend nothing was wrong.
All he ever wanted for decades was to be good enough for Edward. And he just… he just isn’t.
That night, Edward cuts off his toe and feeds it to him, threatening the rest if Izzy steps out of line again, and it’s– it’s good. At least that’s what Izzy tells himself at night, sitting in a ball in the corner of the room with his eyes on the door, just in case Edward–no, Blackbeard– decides to come back.
***
Izzy’s limping around the ship, cane in hand, as he tries to figure out how to walk with one less toe. It must be sleep deprivation, it must be, because he sees something red stuck on the ship’s figurehead. It takes some time to reach it comfortably, but he manages to grab it without putting a lot of pressure onto his foot.
A little scrap of silk, like the one that Edward kept close. Why would he throw that away?
Most of Bonnet’s things have sunk to the bottom of the sea, so Izzy figures that in his rage, the silk was supposed to go down with it. But it’s such a nice piece of silk, something Edward kept so near and dear. Against his better judgement, Izzy keeps the little square for a while.
And this–
This is what he wanted, he wanted aggression, anger, hatred. It makes for a damn good pirate and an even better tactician, but–
Blackbeard’s days are spent drinking and crying. When Izzy periodically checks on him, he can see the familiar pink robe tucked against the side of the bed and the wall, a corner draped over him like a blanket.
Izzy doesn’t quite know how to make it better. He folds the little red silk square and sets it on the table. It’s not folded pretty like anything Bonnet has done, but he’s resigned himself to the fact that he’s not Bonnet. That he’ll never be on the same level.
When Blackbeard comes out of his room, hours later and decidedly more sober, Izzy can see a little bit of red peeking out of his vest.
***
Business goes as usual. Pillaging vessels and stealing the valuables; the alcohol, the jewels, the loot. They even manage to take an English Naval Vessel by surprise; Blackbeard has a vendetta, and does his best to right his wrongs.
But with that comes the anger. Edward no longer has qualms about killing, about doing what needs to be done. He kills like he plans: with skill and with time. He wants them to hurt, and figures out the best way to do so.
Blackbeard drinks that night, more than he has in a while. Izzy tries to ignore the sobs he can hear through their shared wall. Things are getting better, they have to be.
***
Bonnet comes back months later. They’re docked somewhere near the Carolinas, with every intention of stocking up on food and ammunition before sailing back off to Lord knows where. Bonnet climbs up the ladder onto the ship, and Blackbeard pales; a ghost come back to haunt him.
“Edward, Izzy,” Bonnet says, voice level, cautious not to give too much emotion away. “I–”
Izzy feels the rage, the pent up anger, the protection boil over from the inside out. He unsheaths his rapier and stalks across the deck, holding the blade to his neck.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t slit your throat.”
“I deserve that,” Bonnet acquiesces. “You’ve grown out your hair, and your beard.”
And it’s true, Izzy has.
“Things have changed. You haven’t,” he says, pressing the blade deeper against Stede’s neck, the threat of continuing the slicing movement hanging between them, heavy.
“I know. And I wanted to apologize,” Bonnet looks over to Blackbeard, and when Izzy looks back, he’s– not quite shattered, because he knew this was going to happen. Edward, whose eyes are wet and watery and guarded but full of hope. “I wanted to–to show you how much you mean to me.”
“Let him through, Iz,” Edward’s voice is hoarse, full of emotion that he’s never had for Izzy.
And Izzy just– accepts it. Fully, this time.
Finding love is not his lot in life.
Izzy watches as Bonnet walks across the deck to where Edward is standing, watches as the Kraken melts away from Ed’s eyes. “Where’s your ship?” Edward says.
“About a half a mile away,” Bonnet says, and dares to take Edward’s hand, thumb grazing over his knuckles. “Look, Ed, I’m sorry–”
“We have time. It’s okay,” Edward says, cradling Bonnet’s cheek, pressing their foreheads together.
“Uh, guys?” Frenchie says, looking through the telescope. Three ships are on their way in the distance, and a vaguely Buttons-sounding voice in his head points out that those look vaguely British.
“Fuck. Fuck. They’re after us, Edward.” Izzy says, sheathing his sword. They’re still docked, and there’s no way they can make an escape without being thrust into another battle. Edward and Bonnet look at each other, and Izzy can see the sense of belonging that he’s not felt in years.
There’s no way that it ends now.
“Then we fight,” Edward says, grabbing his gun out of his holster. Bonnet, for what it’s worth, looks entirely less fearful than he did in the time since they first met.
“I can go get my crew,” Bonnet says. “That way it’s more people to help us fight.”
“No,” Izzy says, voice firm. “You don’t fight. I do.”
“Iz, what?” Edward says, grabbing his hand. “You’ll be slaughtered.”
“And you’ll be alive, Edward,” Izzy says, squeezing his hand. “They’ll just see the Revenge, me. And I look enough like you right now to trick them.”
“A fuckery,” Bonnet says. “But there has to be some other way.”
“If you want to die, be my guest and stay,” Izzy says. He thought he’d be more wrecked about this than he is. Maybe it’s the fact that he always expected he’d die like this, doing it for someone he loves, that makes it okay. “But I’m staying, and you’ll have a head start to escape.”
Edward’s face does something complicated, and he raises his hand up to cradle Izzy’s cheek, calloused fingers tracing gentle fingers into his jawline. And if there was anything that was keeping Izzy from doing this, this sealed his fate.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I do. So you can finally be happy,” he says, the unspoken happier hanging heavy between them. “A parting gift. Go with your mate.”
“Iz. I love–” Edward says, and that’s just too painful, too much for him.
Izzy’s eyes shut tightly, tears betraying him.
“Please don’t. Go.”
Eyes filling with tears, Edward presses his lips to Izzy’s forehead, a silent thank you. And there it is. The love he’d craved for years, that had just slipped out of his reach. It’s in his grasp now, and there’s nothing anyone can do to take it away from him.
They gather the rest of Edward’s crew into the dinghies, seeing as Izzy wouldn’t be needing them anymore. One final goodbye, and they were gone.
Izzy takes a deep breath, hoisting the anchor of the Revenge to sail in the direction of the ships.
“Goodbye, Edward.”