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When your soulmate dies, a piece of you dies with them. A part that you never knew was there. A piece that held the rest of you together. Rarely acknowledged… but you don’t realize how important it is until it suddenly disappears, and all the pieces start to drift apart, like broken ice in the sea.
Adrien sat in his room, fumbling through the lines of the commercial he was supposed to be filming later that afternoon. He had memorized them weeks ago… but now it seemed like nothing sounded right. Each line didn’t fit with the next. Almost as if the words didn’t fit in his mouth anymore.
He hadn’t said a word to his father about it, but something had felt off for the past week. He first noticed the change at dinner. A cold feeling had overtaken him, and the food tasted stale. A quick check-up with the family doctor had revealed that nothing was physically wrong with him, but the doctor had asked him to keep tabs on his symptoms.
Now, he felt as if he didn't belong in his own body. As if this wasn't his skin. These weren't his eyes and his mouth. That was his reflection in the mirror… but it was a stranger.
So the longer he practiced the lines, the more frustrated he became. It was as if someone else's voice was speaking… …but it was all his own.
Like the thing that made him who he was had suddenly disappeared. So he continued to fumble through words, hoping this would pass and that he could find himself again.
~~~~~
“Hey, Dude. You okay?” Nino asked, setting a cup of black coffee in front of his best friend. “You don’t look so good.”
“Just feeling under the weather. Maybe I’m working too hard? The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong.” Adrien picked up the coffee and took a sip. He instantly spit it out. “What is this??”
Nino chuckled. “You looked exhausted. I thought maybe black coffee might wake you up.”
“Never do that again!” He glared, setting the cup aside and reaching for his bottle of water. He took a sip to clear the taste of betrayal from his mouth. “What are you and Alya doing today?”
“Heading to the new art exhibit. Alya is writing an article, and she didn’t want to go by herself.” Nino reached out and took the cup of coffee, taking a sip of his own. He managed to stomach it, though Adrien was amused by the sour look that crossed his friend’s face. “See…that wasn’t so bad.” He lied before placing the cup back down and choosing to ignore it.
Adrien rolled his eyes and turned to look out the window of the café they met at daily.
"Seriously though. What's going on with you?" Nino said quietly.
He didn't look at Nino as he pondered his answer, finally settling on the best description he could muster. “I don’t feel like myself. Like… a piece of me is gone.”
Nino stared at him, a look of sorrow crossing his face. “Dude. I don’t mean to sound rude or callous about this… but it sounds…” He sighed, but continued to look at Adrien with a sad expression. “It sounds like you lost your soulmate.”
Adrien closed his eyes, placing his head in his hands as he trembled at the words. The thought had crossed his mind, but hearing it spoken to him was unnerving. Like it made it real.
“I don’t even know who my soulmate was.” Adrien whispered.
Nino reached out and took Adrien’s hand in his own. “I’ll tell Alya that something came up. She can go to the art show without me.”
“No. You should go spend time–”
“--It’s fine. She’ll understand.” Nino gave a confident smile, but his eyes lacked any joy. “I’ll just make it up to her later by taking her to that new restaurant she wants to go to.”
Adrien scoffed. “You can’t afford that place.”
“But you can. You’ll be coming, too. Alya hasn’t seen you in awhile, and she’ll want to check on you… besides, you have to live a little.”
“Without…”
“...I know this isn’t the best time, but you have to remember that people live their entire lives without a soulmate. Some are born with their soulmate already gone. They have counselors in place for this. Experts to help you cope with the loss.” Nino squeezed Adrien’s hand. “You will make it through this.”
Adrien nodded, though he didn’t believe a word of it. Even if he did make it through, he would always be a different person. Trapped in the shell that he once was.
~~~~~
“The counselor suggested I make some changes.” Adrien said as he stared at the apartment building in front of him. “That I need to find myself again. Discover who I am now that my other half is gone.”
“Dude, I think moving out of your dad’s mansion is a great idea, but this seems a bit rash. Are you sure the counselor didn’t mean get a new hairstyle or try a new hobby?” Nino stared at the building that was twice what he could afford on his DJ budget.
Adrien patted Nino on the back. “Maybe. But I’m discovering myself, and as long as I am under my father’s thumb then I will only ever be who he wants me to be.”
“Okay…so what floor is your apartment on?”
“The top. I wanted to be able to see the beauty of Paris. I can’t give up the one thing I loved about my old room.” Adrien smiled, thinking back to years of lonely nights, trapped in his room like a prisoner. “Looking out the windows and seeing the lights of Paris were sometimes the only thing that brought me any peace.”
“Okay. Whatever you need.” Nino shook his head in amusement, knowing that whatever Gabriel had done to Adrien was not right, and glad that Adrien was finally escaping that house and its demons.
~~~~~
Adrien leaned back in his chair, spinning around like a child, feeling the dizzy wave come over him. Sometimes he felt an emptiness in his chest, and he had decided months ago to not let it overtake him. It had been five months since his soulmate had died. A soulmate he never knew. He hadn’t even been able to find an obituary. Some sign of who they were. So many people die each day, and the chances that she had been living in Paris when she died were slim.
Stopping his chair, he felt his stomach continue to move without him. A feeling like a rollercoaster or when his car moved over a particularly steep, sudden hill. This feeling reminded him that he was alive.
Once his eyes readjusted, he looked back at the computer in front of him. Notation software held his first attempt at composing a piano score. It was his newest hobby. Bouncing off the back of his love for playing the piano, Adrien had decided to try composition. So far, the result was lacking something – much like his life – and no matter how many times he played it back, he kept losing the passion he once felt.
He typed a few more notes in, saved, and closed the program. Tomorrow, he’d look back at the work he’d done with fresh eyes and fresh ears. He didn’t want to make any changes when nothing seemed right.
~~~~~
“Alya has a friend she wants you to meet.”
“I’ve told you before, I’m not ready to date.”
Nino wasn’t deterred. “She’s right, Dude. You need to find someone. Even if just to get yourself out there and back in the dating world.”
Adrien glowered. “I was never in the dating world.”
“And that’s the problem! Your counselor keeps telling you to let go of the old and embrace the new! New Adrien could be a hit with the ladies!” Nino put his elbow on the table.
“Nino. No one says that.”
Laughter was his only response. “You wouldn’t know. You never get out of that stuffy, high-priced apartment building.”
“I do get out–”
“--going to the store doesn’t count. You need to meet someone. Alya’s friend is sweet. I think you’d like her.”
Adrien glanced at Nino. “Alya won’t take no for an answer will she?”
“Nope! And neither will I.”
There was a long silence between them as Adrien reached down and took a sip of his coffee – black. He still didn’t like it, but it reminded him that even if he didn’t like change, he could push through and endure it. So he took his coffee black, and let the bitter taste settle.
“Okay. I’ll meet her. But if I don’t like her…”
“...it won’t be an issue. You will. Everyone does. Well….everyone but Lila and Chloe.” Nino smirked.
Adrien looked up at his friend. “Seriously? Well…bonus points for her.” He laughed, and Nino joined in.
~~~~~
Marinette was pretty. Adrien couldn’t ignore that fact. Cute. Short. Sweet. She stuttered in his presence, and he found it enduring.
They sat across from each other, Alya and Nino beside them. Adrien could see the glances Alya kept giving him, and he knew that she was expecting him to do something… he just wasn’t sure what it was.
Finally, she gave a small huff. “Marinette. Adrien has recently started composing music.”
Marinette gave a shy smile. “R-really?”
“Yes. He has played the piano since he was little.”
“That’s amazing. I never learned to play an instrument.” She glanced down at her half-eaten plate of food, biting her lip and refusing to look him in the eye.
Alya looked at him again, eyes glaring as she gestured towards Marinette is a not-so-subtle manner.
Adrien gulped. “I…I only just started. And my music isn’t very good.”
“You won’t let anyone listen to it, Dude.” Nino said, only to receive a kick under the table from Alya. “I mean… maybe… you could get another opinion on it. Marinette likes music. She used to date that guy Luka–OW!” Another kick.
But Adrien had already taken the bait. “Luka? Luka Couffaine?” He asked.
Marinette glanced up at him. “Y-yes. B-b-before the…before the accident.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I heard about that. The song Jagged Stone sang at his funeral was beautiful.” Adrien said. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Marinette nodded as a thank you, but looked away as if to say she was done with the conversation.
“Maybe… maybe you would like to hear the song I’m working on?” Adrien spoke bravely, and he noticed the jab Alya gave Marinette’s side. “I mean, you don’t have to. I understand if–”
“--No. It’s fine. I… I would like to.” Marinette gave Alya a glare. The journalist was unphased as she glowed with victory.
Adrien glanced at Nino, who shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating his meal.
~~~~~
“So… how was the date with Marinette?” Nino nudged his friend’s side. “Did you kiss her?”
Adrien laughed. “No. I did not. But it’s only the third date. She’s shy.”
“But you wanted to, didn’t you?”
“Well… of course I did. How could I not?” He leaned back on the arm of his couch, propping his feet up on the other arm. “But she’s just so closed off. I want to give her space.”
“Don’t give her too much space, Dude. Alya says that Marinette is really into you.” Nino clicked on the game system, turning on UMS and tossing Adrien a controller. “Like… really into you.”
“Really… She is?” Adrien didn’t quite believe it. Some days he still didn’t recognize the man in the mirror. How could anyone care for the man he had become.
“Really.” Nino said with finality. “And dude… kiss her soon. I have 20 euros on the line here.”
“You bet on our kiss?”
Nino looked nervous, but grinned. “Well… Alya thinks you are too chicken and that Marinette will end up having to make the first move. Which says something because Marinette isn’t the type… so don’t let me down. I can’t lose to Alya.”
Adrien shook his head, chuckling. “No promises.”
With that, the pair focused on the game in front of them. Adrien smiled. His counselor had been right. Change had been good for him. Maybe a little more wouldn’t hurt.
~~~~~
“Her soulmate!!” Adrien slammed the door to Nino’s apartment wide open. “He was her soulmate!” Rage filled him, and he couldn’t figure out where it originated or who he was actually angry with.
Nino backed up quickly, hands in the air in a defensive manner. “Woah! Dude! Calm down!!”
“Luka Couffaine was her soulmate.” He growled out. “This kind of information would have been nice to know before I started going out with her.”
“Would it have made a difference?”
“YES!” His voice rose in both pitch and volume.
“... how so?”
Adrien wanted to yell again, but he stopped himself. He didn’t have an answer. “I… I don’t know.”
Nino approached him cautiously, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Adrien… she knows how you feel. Alya didn’t want me to tell you, because she didn’t want it to change your opinion of Marinette. And she was right. You came in here and practically broke my wall with that door.”
Adrien glanced back and groaned as he realized the doorknob had embedded itself in the wall behind the door. “I’m sorry, Nino… I’ll pay to get it fixed.”
“Of course you will. Now tell me about Marinette. What happened?”
“She… I… I kissed her. And it was nice. But then she started to cry.” Adrien cringed at the memory. “I thought I had done something wrong, but it turns out that she’s still recovering from Luka. They were soulmates, and his death hurt her.”
“And did you hurt her?”
“Of course not! I told her I understood and hugged her until she calmed down. What was I supposed to do?? I drove her over to Alya’s and left.” Adrien fell onto Nino’s couch. It caved just a little under his weight, and Adrien allowed himself to be swallowed by it. “I don’t know what to do. I like her. A lot.”
“If you like her, then don’t let this stop you. Think of it this way… now you know that she doesn’t have a soulmate anymore. There’s no one left to come and sweep her away from you.”
Adrien glared. “Don’t say that. You know as well as I do that most soulmates turn out to be platonic. Best friends. Business partners.”
“Yeah. And her soulmate was her lover, so I will stick by my statement.” Nino said cooly, not missing a beat. “When she calms down, you should talk to her. Tell her about your soulmate. She’d want to know.”
Adrien closed his eyes. “I’ll try.”
~~~~~
“What did you tell her?” Alya was in his face, finger almost poking his eye.
“I told her about my soulmate.”
“No. You guilted her. Made her feel bad. What did you say??”
Adrien backed up. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I thought the conversation went fine. I wanted her to know about my soulmate.”
Alya threw her hands in the air. “She thinks she’s not good enough, Adrien! That you are only dating her to replace the soulmate you never had!!”
“What?? I never said that!!” He sat up straight.
“Well, you better fix this. Because Marinette Dupain-Cheng is sitting in my apartment with a pint of ice cream and the latest chick flick. She has worked really hard to find herself again, and I am not going to let you destroy it.”
Adrien sighed. He felt like banging his head against the wall.
“Okay… I’ll… do something.”
“You better. Or so help me, Adrien, you won’t be able to have children when I’m done with you.” Alya said fiercely, and Adrien wasn’t sure if she was bluffing.
~~~~~
Adrien sat in front of his father. He hadn’t spoken to him in a few months, and the conversation had been forced. Ever since he’d lost his soulmate, he found that he could relate a little more to the man his father had become after his mother’s death.
“Father…”
“Yes, Adrien. I am a busy man.” Gabriel stared at him, cold eyes and a glowering expression.
“I have something to ask you.”
“Well. Spit it out.”
Adrien paused, frowning. There was never a good time to talk to his father. It was either now or never. So he bit the bullet and just said what he wanted to say. “I plan on asking Marinette to marry me. I want to give her mom’s ring.”
Gabriel sat up a bit straighter, a subtle motion most would have missed. Adrien missed nothing about his father’s reactions. “Marinette. That girl you’ve been dating for a couple years now?”
“Yes. You’ve met her.”
Gabriel nodded. There was a long pause, and Gabriel sighed. “Very well. You may have the ring. Your mother wanted you to have it.”
Adrien smiled suddenly, standing up to hug his father, but halting as he thought better of it. Instead, he reached out to shake his father’s hand. “Thank you, Father.”
Gabriel coughed uncomfortably. “Of course…son.”
~~~~~
Adrien always felt like a piece of himself was missing. A part that he had once been. A glue that held him together. But he’d moved past it. He’d reinvented himself. Found a way to live with the loss of his other half.
He filled the emptiness with love. Love for his wife, Marinette. Love for his children. Love for himself. For the man he’d become in the after.