Chapter Text
He’s had it for years, now. It had been there for so long, Ryan had kind of gotten used to feeling it in silence – which, to his benefit, was an easy task for an actor. It had never been anything loud, and obnoxious, the type of thing people describe it to be, or the type of thing Troy seemed to ooze when he looked at Gabriella or whatever; frankly, though it was cute to look at from a distance when it started, the dynamic got old after awhile and exaggerated amounts of cheese weren’t something he really wanted in a relationship, thank you very much.
The truth is, Ryan had never even considered that the thing he felt whenever he’d catch a glimpse of Chad laughing with a spinning ball on top of a quite flawlessly long finger, if he’d say so himself, to be, you know, love.
And love was something too alien for him, anyway, for him to be able to recognize the symptoms and apply them properly. He’s had it for years, yes, but it had always been so carefully tucked in – he’d never had to be afraid of it spurting out of his mouth at random and ruining his now well built relationship – friendship, calm down – with the jock. Not love, by the way, just… The thing.
He couldn’t quite call it a crush because, let’s be real, crushes don’t last five years. But he could do to live in denial for a little longer.
Problem is, now that he was here, lights off, lying on three bright blankets at three in the morning and smiling widely at the short video Chad had sent him hours ago of his sisters dancing around him while he pretended to be annoyed – Ryan kind of wondered.
And that was a scary thing, to him – wondering. Wondering would lead him to a conclusion he sort of already acknowledged the existence of, but being in love with Chad was something far greater than he was ready to admit. The question wasn’t a big deal, he could handle questions. Just not the answer. Because he couldn’t have Chad and Evans’ didn’t know how to deal with things they couldn’t get – solely because Evans’ weren’t used to not getting what they wanted.
Unfortunately for him, Chad’s sexuality was not as easily changed as his wardrobe.
the guidebook to dealing with dejection: the evans way
chapter 1.0
Basketball is a blessing.
He’s never gonna tell Sharpay he thinks so, since she’s likely paint his favorite hat orange or something horrid like that, but basketball is seriously inspiring when you look at it from the right angle.
And his view from the bleachers is definitely the right angle.
Now, he doesn’t care much for the actual game, he’ll admit to that – but the manner in which loose t-shirts bounce and muscles glisten is so close to Heaven he might actually become religious. And Chad is insane, he thinks, chewing on his lower lip with pained eyes, Chad is so insane and so absolutely, gorgeously, ridiculously and maddeningly unfair.
He shakes his head to no one in particular and sips on iced tea, offering the smallest, most elegant nod he can muster while his heart does jazz squares, when Chad waves his way.
So unfair, that boy.
“You’re pathetic.” A high-pitched voice comes from beside him and Ryan doesn’t even look up to see who it is – as if that’s necessary.
“Are you actually wearing heels in here? Careful, sis, you might slip.” He tells her, ‘cause we don’t want that now, do we.
The blonde responds with an almost soft rolling of brown eyes, taking a seat next to him and crossing one leg over the other – clearly, one of Sharpay’s many hobbies include dressing-to-humiliate-everyone-else and looking out of place, which are kind of correlated. Lucky for him, he’s the best dressed male in the city, probably (he is), and many of her greatest outfits are due to his impeccable taste.
Ah, the irreplaceable “sidekick”.
“If I slip, it’ll be on that pool of drool you left on the floor. Grab the chin, brother mine, someone’ll step on it.”
“I’ve absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“Why are you even present in an area where basketball is being played? Did Ms. Darbus finally realize Troy’s charm can’t cover up the fact that he can’t act to save his life and send you to try and kill him during practice? Because if so, I’ll tell you now, you might wanna wait until his teammates leave the court.”
“However brilliant of an idea that is, Ms. Darbus hasn’t seen the light yet. Blame it on the awful glasses, really. I’m here to support Zeke.”
Ryan sends her a pointed enough look to make her elaborate, because, wait, what the hell?
“I’m here to demonstrate my many talents include being a supportive, selfless human being.” She proceeds, as if that explains anything at all. “Zeke likes that sort of stuff, apparently, go figure.”
“I need you to rewind.”
“Where to?”
“Back to when you realized Zeke, you know, exists?” He wonders briefly if the stage lights had been affecting her brain instead of Ms. Darbus’ poor sighted eyes, because, yeah, Troy’s a mediocre singer, at best and can’t dance for shit and good God, the wholesome act is boring, but last time he checked, Sharpay still jumped at the mere opportunity to pair up with him. Poor Gabriella could be having a stroke on stage, the first thing she’d do would be to ask Troy if this means he’s available.
(His sister is a great person, don’t get him wrong, just – a little too selfish. A little.)
“I’ve always known Zeke exists.”
He just looks at her.
The blonde sighs and does the trademark eye rolling thing, as if this conversation’s the hardest thing she’s ever had to go through. He doesn’t take it personally – that’s how she reacts to pretty much anyone but her talking -- and raises a light eyebrow to signal that she continues.
“I like Zeke. I’ve always thought he was attractive, in a virtuous, morally type of way, but he was never my type –“
“Basketball player?”
“—And I had other things to think about back then, anyway.”
Like slipping on ten thousand dollar heels and falling on Troy’s dick, he thinks.
He doesn’t say it, of course. That’s uncalled for.
True, but, you know. Uncalled for.
“And you’ve decided you want Zeke now, because…”
“Because it’s the last year, Ryan,” she tells him as if he’s stupid, which he’s used to from people too ignorant to understand the definition of dyslexia, (thought she doesn’t mean it this way; again, it’s just Sharpay’s way of speaking. He should point out again she really is a great person. Self centered, sure, but great person.) and that slow reading doesn’t equal idiocy. If anything, he’s smarter than all of these dumbasses anyway so really, all’s well that ends well. “I’m going to Julliard and he’ll be in some team wherever and I won’t be able to invest. I don’t want him to graduate and get over me or something. Besides, he was always cute but puberty did him wonders. And he bakes.”
Did he say self centered? Remind him to redeem himself for that later.
Being Ryan and Sharpay’s twin and a perhaps not so selfish person, but an Evans nonetheless, he only sighs and asks her: “What’s the plan, then?”
The smile she gives him puts Cheshire cat to shame and he briefly wonders if she’d audition for the part if they gave her the chance. He doesn’t have to say what the answer to that question turns out to be.
“That I’ll tell you later. Right now, straight jock boyfriend’s on his way over here and I, as the sane twin, have no desire to smell his natural ‘manly man fragrance’. Toodles.” Sharpay leaves him before he can protest, waving at Zeke, who blushes like he’s 15 all over again and Ryan’s too busy doing the same at Chad to consider it disgusting.
“Hey, Sparkles.” Mr. Tall, Dark And Handsome greets him, all lazy smiles and wet towel around his neck.
What an asshole.
“The creativity in your nicknames is almost as good as the pun quality in your T-shirts.” Ryan tells him when he’s gathered the tiny amount of dignity he so doesn’t have.
“Ouch,” Chad touches his – rock hard, goddammit, is there no air-conditioning in this fucking place – chest, feigning hurt. “Your sarcasm wounds my heart.”
“Taylor teach you a new word today?” He’s not bitter, by the way. In case it seemed that way there.
“Nope, that one came straight out of my own amazing head.” The ball player replies, raising his chin and smiling in a way that leaves Ryan slightly breathless. “Whatcha doing with us mere mortals? Thought you Evans’ were afraid of sweat or somethin’.”
“Rehearsal ended early.” – They had no rehearsal today, he could have just as easily been at home, re-watching Wicked in his bathtub, but he’s not gonna tell Chad that and basically admit he’d rather watch his fine ass for an hour, instead, because that’d be ridiculous, now, wouldn’t it.
“Man, how will you live?”
He rolls his eyes – perhaps he is more like Sharpay than he allows himself to think, after all – and playfully, very much on purpose, punches Chad’s defined bicep, who doesn’t even flinch. And amen.
“Not for long if you don’t sit a little further – there’s got to be some medical issue in sweating that much.” Though he’s being a bitch for the sake of it, really, Chad could be sweating on his mouth for all he cares. He’ll lick that shit off like it’s Christmas day and Chad’s a gigantic popsicle.
He’ll have to remember to write that on his list later. A guy can dream, right?
“Oh, this bother you?” Chad laughs and literally, no joke, no warning, even, have mercy, wraps a strong arm around Ryan, smashing him against his side, which not only leaves Ryan’s mouth like, two inches from Chad’s neck – this is the type of shit Michelangelo died for – but leaves Chad’s mouth two inches away from Ryan’s ear, who’s pretty sure he’s functioning on leftover oxygen right now.
If it isn’t obvious, Chad’s a tough guy to be in love with.
“I’d say yes, but I think my ability to smell is gone.” It isn’t and Chad smells good as hell, fuck you, Shar, and how does a person’s sweat smell good, is the dude human? Is there any instruction book out there that says love affects your ability to properly judge body fluids and how to deal with that? He’ll end up writing that book, if he comes out of this alive.
“Come on, it ain’t so bad.” He says, sniffing under his arm once and scrunching up his nose – adorably, why, almighty Lord. “Aight, maybe a little.”
“I can no longer hear for I am dead.” That bit is true. He is. And running naked in Heaven.
“I’ll revive you,” Chad tells him in that chuckle-talk way and tickles him, tickles him, in the middle of a basketball arena and if Ryan wasn’t one hundred percent sure the man is straight, he’d be having doubts right now.
Hope is a bitch, honestly.
“Stop!” He attempts, pushing Chad away while trying to hold his belly, ‘cause he’s really starting to have trouble breathing now and Chad releases him, laughing just as hard as Ryan when being tickled, and has he mentioned adorable?
Sharpay was right, he is pathetic.
“Chad!” A voice calls from underneath them, breaking that magical moment and Ryan wipes the laughter-induced tears enough to see Troy waving up at them – them being Chad; even though Troy doesn’t necessarily hate Ryan’s guts now, he still doesn’t seem to enjoy the fact that his girlfriend and best friend seem to love him so much. Ryan thinks it’s hilarious, half because the idea of Troy seeing him as a threat to his relationship with Gabriella The Female Montez borders on hysterical and half ‘cause it’s nice having him taste a little bit of the favoritism he’s forced to deal with when it comes to Sharpay whenever he’s in the picture. Although he’s not bitter. Just a little vindictive, perhaps but he is an Evans, so you can’t blame him. Aside from that, Troy’s a decent guy in Ryan’s mind. Not the brightest and he really has to lay off on the spray tanning but he’s alright. Troy can keep his school play leads, Ryan’ll settle for Broadway.
“What’s up?”
“Mom’s asking if you want a ride? You coming?”
Chad glances his way as if to imply he’s supposed to say something about the offer, like: no, don’t go, Chad, come with me to my astonishing mansion and let us make love ‘till sun rises, which he’d totally say if Chad was into dick and he isn’t.
Alright, Ryan would never say that, but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do it.
“You wanna do something after this?” Chad says once he stops waiting for Ryan to pick up on his mental vibrations or whatever (he’s not there yet, thank God, that’d be scary if love did that. He doesn’t think he can stand seeing Chad’s fantasies about naked women without flinging himself off of the Empire State.) “You’ll have to wait for me to shower real quick and stuff, but after that, we can eat or something. You don’t seem like you have anything better to do, anyway.” He says, jokingly.
Ryan considers it, genuinely thinks about it and it’s sad how his heart is doing acrobatics at the mere suggestion of Chad wanting to spend time with him, especially considering that’s nothing new, nothing strange and nothing out of the ordinary for friends. Still, Chad’s straight and Ryan’s in love… Eating a burger and having him get giggles out of Ryan through the rest of the day is awesome, just really painful at night when he’s by himself.
So despite wanting to go, Ryan says:
“Yeah, there’s this really nice place not far from my house, you can chill there afterwards if you want.”
To which Chad smiles brightly and says “okay, cool”, promptly dismissing a frustrated Troy who shrugs as if he’s indifferent, but walking out with an expression that very much proves it otherwise.
He agrees to wait for Chad to shower, appreciating the idea of Chad and water and nakedness and deliberately avoiding the inevitable fact that he’s gonna hate himself for his lack of self-control when night comes.
That’s kind of fine, though. He guesses Chad’s just worth it.