Chapter Text
Steve taps along to ‘Master of Puppets’ as he drives to Hawkin’s Cemetery. He isn’t a big fan of this music genre, but what can he say? He’s sentimental about shit like this. It would be wrong to drive to Eddie’s grave without listening to the song he played to save Hawkins on the way.
It’s been two months since they defeated Vecna in the Upside Down. Two months since Eddie’s death. There’s a raging hole throughout Hawkins, destroying Hawkins’ reputation of “The town where nothing bad happens” once and for all. No coming back from a gate opened to super hell.
Max is still in a coma, but whether or not she comes out of it, doctors say she won’t be the Max they knew once. They think she’ll be, for lack of better terms, “brain dead”. Steve thinks that's a load of bullshit. If anyone can overcome death, it’s Max. The kid’s got a fight in her stronger than anyone else Steve knows. She’ll fight this and kick its ass, too.
The rest of the group has been, well, the rest of the group. After the “earthquake”, the group has been sticking closer together than they did before any of this. Argyle jokes that they’re trauma bonded for life now but it’s starting to feel true. Dustin was, an absolute mess after they came back. For a while, he seemed fine, his usual self except for a little denser, maybe? But after all the adrenaline was gone, the weight of Eddie’s death got to him. Steve wakes up to a phone call nightly from Dustin about his nightmares that have started. Steve gets choked up every call.
Dustin is a trooper, that’s for damn sure. He has been at the throat of this godforsaken place and its inhabitants for a long ass time, but watching as one of your closest friends dies in your arms isn’t something anyone can just, come back from. Steve is just pissed there’s nothing he can do to protect him from it. So, instead, he’ll answer every goddamn phone call that kid makes till he’s thirty if that's what it takes. He doesn’t deserve to go through this shit.
As for Steve, he’s been throwing himself into helping out around town to distract himself from the fact that a potentially really good friend was murdered for him. Robin keeps trying to tell him that Eddie died for a good cause but it doesn’t feel that way to him. Vecna is still out there, the impending doom of the world is just inching closer every day, and now it’s starting more and more to feel like Eddie died for nothing. For a town that can’t even appreciate him for the man, the hero, that he was.
God, he just wishes they got to know him better. Steve wishes he got to know Eddie better.
He parks on the side of the road, near the same spot he’d parked for Max when he took her here to say whatever she needed to Billy, but a little closer to where Eddie’s buried.
Eddie’s burial was one of the hardest things Steve has ever had to witness, and that's saying something. Half of the goddamn town showed up to protest him being buried in the same place as Vecna’s other victims, treating him like some monster. Steve won a couple of fights that day.
He pulls the keys out of the ignition and grabs the towel, spray bottle, plastic bag, and flowers he brought along with him, or the usual, as Robin likes to call it whenever she tags along. The walk to Eddie’s grave is getting too familiar for Steve’s taste, he’d much rather be visiting Eddie at his trailer than in some boneyard. He’d much rather Eddie living and breathing but nothing ever goes right anymore, does it?
Coming to Eddie’s grave has become a part of Steve’s routine. When he was first buried, people - Eddie’s uncle, the group, Dustin specifically, and members of the hellfire club - were showing up enough that Steve stayed away for most of it. It was two weeks after his burial that people started moving on, and stopped visiting. Steve, on the other hand, started coming to Eddie’s grave around that time. For a little bit, he came every day, now he comes about once a week. The sight still makes him feel nauseous.
When he approaches Eddie’s grave, he immediately sees the fresh spray paint on the headstone, along with the undeniable stench of urine. There are a couple of cigarette buds lying near the stone, the obvious smears where they’d been put out on the top. A lovely pile of trash piling up where the now, very burnt flowers from his last trip here used to lay. Fucking sickening.
He crouches down to read the spray paint. “FREAKing Murder” is what the text reads. If Steve had to guess, his bet would be on one of Jason’s idiot friends. Jason died during the earthquake. One of his minions started the rumor that Eddie also killed Jason before he was taken out as well. That spread like wildfire, so now Eddie’s known as the boy who deserved what he got after murdering four of Hawkins’ precious souls.
“Heya, Eds,” Steve says, laying his materials off to the side as he picks up the trash around the grave. He puts it all into the plastic bag he brought with him. After the ground around the grave seems decent, he starts spraying it with water and wiping off the cigarette burns and spray paint. “‘Freaking murderer’,” Steve chuckles. “At least they’re becoming more clever with their insults, right?”
The burns are easier to get out so Steve starts with those. It takes longer to get the spray paint off but eventually it gives out too. As soon as the last speck of red is off the now clean headstone, Steve allows himself to sit down. He places the flowers at the bottom, being careful not to cover any of the headstone’s writing.
“How have you been, Munson?” Steve asks, not expecting a reply. That’s what happens when something dies and doesn’t come back quickly enough. The inevitable reality finally dawns on you, and you realize that the reply you’re waiting for will never come. The voice that you can’t remember anymore, the one you’re expecting to hear as you talk to its owner, will never end the silence that rings out now. That deafening silence. The silence Steve has grown used to, even comfortable around.
“Well, if you’re listening, that means you can do something. I bet you’re making fun of me for showing up here all the time as we speak.”
Steve fiddles with the necklace he made about a month ago. Dustin had given Eddie’s old chain to his uncle, rightfully so. Steve wanted more than Eddie’s vest, something he could wear every day because he’s a selfish asshole that can’t be satisfied with what should be more than enough. He stopped caring.
He showed up at Eddie’s trailer, introduced himself to Eddie’s uncle, Wayne, who he’s become pretty familiar with by now, and asked him where Eddie kept all of his guitar picks so he could make a similar necklace. Wayne had been understanding, thankfully, and showed him where he could find them and even gave him a spare chain to attach it to. He hasn’t taken it off since.
Dustin told him he should attach a mini flashlight to it since he always forgets them so he did. Now, both the flashlight and the guitar pick lie on the middle of his chest for him to fiddle with when he needs the comfort of it.
“My, uh, my wounds have been healing up pretty good. Don’t even hurt that much anymore, except for when Robin punches them like the asshole she is,” he scoffs, remembering all the times she’s done just that. “I mean, you expect that after literally jumping into a scary, dark lake to save my life, she would be a little more careful around me, but no.” She really can be a dick . “But without the swarm of bees that is Robin around me, the wounds have healed up pretty well. Still no rabies. Robin says I dodged a bullet with that one but do bats from another dimension even have illnesses? Maybe rabies doesn’t exist? Ever thought of that one, Rob?”
Steve’s favorite thing to do while he’s here is to rant about all the little things that don’t matter that much because he knows that Eddie wouldn’t give a rat's ass and that makes him feel better. Knowing he can still annoy Eddie, even if there’s no one around to annoy.
Steve clicks his tongue. “Dustin’s still having trouble sleeping. Don’t worry, Eds,” Steve reassured the stone. “I think he’ll get over it soon.” Steve lays back on his two hands, stretching one leg out while the other stays folded up underneath it. “He’s a tough kid, you know. He’ll be okay. That doesn’t mean I don’t worry about him though.”
He turns his head and sees a woman and a young boy walking into the cemetery, eyeing him with something that could pass as a glare. Steve gives his best “fuck you” smile, hoping that the lady will mind her own business. “Oh, Munson,” he sighs. “How I wish I could scream at all these fucking irrelevant assholes what a hero you are. About who the real monster is, that they’ve villainized an innocent person. But, that's exactly what they are, irrelevant. They’ll find out soon enough, anyway, when the world ends.” Maybe the Demogorgon could attack some bad people for once. If it needs a list, Steve’s list grows every day that passes in this town. He wouldn’t mind sharing.
“Your uncle is doing pretty well. Still going to work and all that good stuff. Dustin and I stop by to share a meal with him every couple of weeks, now. Don’t worry, Eds. I’m looking after them.”
When Steve found Dustin sobbing into the chest of a lifeless Eddie, Steve felt his whole world crash down on him suddenly. Throughout the years, he’s never had someone who mattered to him die. Hopper’s death sucked but he wasn’t exactly pals with the chief of police. Eddie was the first person to die that he cared about. He remembers the sinking feeling in his stomach when he first saw the two bodies huddled together. A silly, childish, part of him had been hoping, praying, that Dustin’s screaming was due to him being hurt. But when he got close enough, close enough to look at Eddie’s eyes, drained of all life, he knew that it had been wishful thinking.
He vomited as soon as he saw him, too. Up close. That didn’t feel good on his freshly eaten flesh but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Eddie was dead. He died distracting those goddamn bats so they could get to Vecna. He died for some damage to Vecna, not even getting the satisfaction of the end of it all.
Seeing Dustin so devastated was already awful, but it was knowing he would never get to know Eddie, the real Eddie, was too much. He made a silent promise to himself and Eddie that night that he would protect everyone, even if it meant jumpstarting his own impending death. That’d be worth it.
“Who knows, maybe you have no idea why I’m even here, visiting you as often as I do? I hope you know that I think we could’ve been pretty good friends.” More than friends. “You were way cooler than you let on, Munson,” Steve says, then quieter, “I wish I would’ve gotten to know you.”
Steve likes to think it was the “Big Boy” that really whacked his head good enough for some sense to knock into it. And then it was like, boom! He likes Eddie Munson. But in reality, it was the hollowness that replaced the fire Eddie lit in Steve when he was around him.
Steve had heard the rumors before, of how Eddie was more than just a freak that messes with things you shouldn’t mess with. Demons and Satan and all that stuff. That he was also queer. Steve, at the time, didn’t really care for it all that much. Something that he threw on the back burner to turn up at some point. That some point being now.
He’d felt like he was being flirted with throughout his short relationship with Eddie, but he kinda thought it was just Eddie being Eddie. He also felt like he didn’t mind being flirted with by Eddie, but he buried that so far down he’s surprised he even remembers it.
Through very heated cheeks, he brought it up to Robin, who didn’t seem that surprised.
( “Honestly Harrington, I thought you two were going to make out at least a dozen times.”)
He’s settled on bisexuality, which Robin had, through very clenched teeth, explained to him for about three hours before it finally started to make more sense. It honestly isn’t that hard of a concept but you can’t help the hopeless.
Steve sits up, crossing both legs under him. “I, uh, I probably wouldn’t have told you if you were here,” Steve starts, picking at some of the grass surrounding the grave. “I don’t think I would’ve told anyone, to be honest. It would end up being a secret between Robin and me, I think.”
Steve has always noticed the attractiveness of guys, he thought everyone did, but he’d never had feelings for a guy until Eddie. Part of him thinks he won’t have feelings for a guy again, it wouldn’t be worth the trouble. Robin tells him he’s being internally homophobic towards himself. Steve thinks he’s being realistic.
“But I think I liked you, Munson. I think I like you. But you’re gone.” And with my luck, you aren’t coming back.
“I miss you, Eds. God, I miss you.” Steve feels himself getting choked up, eyes beginning to burn. “Isn’t that stupid? I hardly knew you and I’m over here crying over the fact that I’ll never get that chance.” He kicks the ground, dirt being kicked up around him. “That chance was fucking ripped away from me before I could consider it twice.”
The first tear falls.
“Eddie, what the hell am I supposed to do? I feel like I missed out on something big, you know?” Steve readjusts so he’s sitting on his knees, fingers tracing over Eddie’s engraved name. “Like when you decide not to do something, like- like going out, or family time, and then you feel like you missed out on something that could’ve been just awesome.” He clenches his fist. “And all you want to do is rewind, but there’s no remote in real life. There’s no rewind button in real life.”
The tears are falling freely now. Escaping without his consent, but he’s not putting in an effort to stop them at this point.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now that you’re gone?” Steve whispers. He looks to the side again, as if to shield himself from the embarrassment of Eddie seeing him crying. The woman and her son are looking at him when he turns. He just about loses it.
“The hells your problem?” He yells at them, wiping a tear from his cheek.
“Nothing,” The woman says, focusing her attention on the headstone they’re stopped at, not too far from Eddie’s.
“Really? ‘Cause the way you keep looking at me says something different.”
“I just don’t think that boy deserves any visitors, is all.”
“Oh really?” Steve asks, faking curiosity. “I’m pretty sure it isn’t any of your damn business whether or not someone wants to visit his grave.”
“Okay,” she says, picking up her boy. She starts walking back towards her car so Steve thinks the conversation is over. But before she reaches her car, she stops and looks at him again, “Monsters like him don’t deserve visitors. That’s my problem.”
Steve loses it this time. “He’s not a monster, you ignorant ass!” He yells, standing up because sitting just isn’t an option right now. “This whole town, god,” Steve laughs, starting to feel crazy. “This whole town is just so fucking stupid.” He’s laughing through the tears.
“I think you need to calm down,” the woman says, putting her son into the back of her car.
“I think you need to look around you! You think earthquakes growl ?” He spits, growing angrier by the second. “Do you think earthquakes immediately sprout vines out of them as soon as they hit? Are you so ignorant that you’re believing this whole thing?”
“Are you a part of his satanic cult?”
Steve laughs again, sounding maniacal. “Oh my god, it’s like talking to a brick wall. You want to know what happened? Right? All of this town wants to know how some outcast kid could do all of it, right? News flash! He didn’t fucking do it!”
“Then who did?” The woman asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’ll find out soon enough. Then, if we aren’t all dead by then, I hope this entire goddamn wreck of a town comes to this grave and apologizes to him!”
“You need help,” she says, then opens her car’s door, climbs in, and speeds off.
Steve’s knees buckle underneath him and he falls to the ground at Eddie’s grave. “It’s not fair,” he whispers, voice sounding all clogged from his crying. “It’s not fair, Eddie. You deserve better than this. And I’m so sorry.”
He sits there for what could be ten minutes or an hour. Letting his tears fall as he whispers apologies into Eddie’s grave. Eddie shouldn’t have died for a town that hated him. Eddie shouldn’t have died.
He almost doesn’t see it. It’s only when he’s wiping his eyes again that Steve notices the light coming from under his shirt, right where his mini flashlight lies. He frowns at it, reaching under his shirt to grab the small piece of technology. It grows brighter as he holds it. With the gate being open, the lights throughout all of Hawkins have been behaving weirdly, which is to be expected. But the other lights around aren’t acting funky or weird, and with every second that passes, his flashlight grows brighter.
They didn’t have time to bring Eddie’s body back from the Upside Down. Dustin already had a hurt leg, Steve had just been eaten alive, and Nancy, Robin, and himself had almost been choked to death. It wasn’t an easy decision but they ended up leaving Eddie’s body there in the end. Steve still feels sick to his stomach thinking about it.
Was Eddie really dead when they left him there? He looked dead, he felt dead, but was he?
“Eddie?”
The flashlight shatters.