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“Shut up, Dean! I don’t want to hear it,” Sam yelled, anger clear in his voice.
“Whoa, Sam speaks,” Dean snarked.
“I’m trying, ok!” Sam said. “I made an mistake-”
“You know, most people’s “mistakes” aren’t freaking apocalypses Sam!” Dean retorted, his voice ringing in Sam’s ears as he stepped closer.
“You know, Sam, I could take care of him with a snap of my fingers. You would never have to listen to his whiny, pathetic ass again… And all you need to do is say one measly word-” Lucifer taunted, his words growing powerful in the tense atmosphere.
“Shut up! Dean, if you would just listen-”
“I’m done with listening, Sam! What is there is hear, more excuses. You can’t excuse an freaking-”
“I know I can’t Dean! And it’s not for lack of trying. You know I would give anything to fix the mess I made-”
“Oh, the whole world-is-going-to-burn-and-die-because-of-you-mess? Good luck with that,” Dean mocked, and at the moment, Sam wanted nothing more than for his brother to stop talking.
“Dean, can you shut up and listen, for once!”
“Sure, let’s see how college boy can explain his way out of this one,” Dean said, leaning against the wall, his eyes clear and focused on Sam, giving him his full attention.
“Dean…” Sam started, but he didn’t know to even begin to explain everything. There was no excuse for starting the apocalypse.
“...When I met Ruby, I was naive. I thought there was good in everyone, even demons. I trusted her, Dean, and I can’t describe how it feels to put your full trust in a person and for them to break it. Breaking you, in the process…”
Dean looked attentive, and there was an understanding in his gaze that Sam wished he could wipe away.
“...I wanted to fix things. I thought I could help people. That it didn’t always have to be kill after kill after kill, tearing people from their families, with no explanation, and no excuse other than trying to play God…”
Sam took a deep breath. A breath of air that he didn’t deserve, after starting the beginning of the end for this beautiful planet. For all of it’s flawed, yet strong and perfect people.
“...I just wanted to help. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know what I was doing, sure. Is there no excuse? Of course there isn’t. I assumed I knew best, I knew what I was doing, what I was doing to the world. I thought I was making it a better place. A stronger place. A safer place. But I only ended up endangering it. But I’m not going to do that anymore,” Sam said, a determined expression crossing his tired face.
“I’m not going to say yes to Lucifer. I’ll resist, with everything I have. I am not going to doom this planet any more than I already have. I will not be the monster the world thinks I am. I will not be arrogant, or assume I know best, because I already know the consequences. I don’t care what Lucifer offers me. I know, now, that the best thing I could ever wish for is already right in front of me.”
Dean looked surprised, and his expression softened slightly.
“Sammy,” Dean said, the word alone sending a pang through Sam’s chest. It had been so long since Dean had called him that.
“I know I should care more about you starting the apocalypse,” Sam flinched violently, “but I don’t. You’re still my brother, come hell or high water. I’m not leaving you. Never. I don’t care what you’ve done. It’s nothing that we can’t fix.”
“We’ve faced a lot of problems over the past, Sammy. And we’ve gotten out everytime. God be damned if some of his prissy angels are the ones to break us apart. Sure, what you did wasn’t right. It was downright awful, but-”
“We will get through this, Sammy. Together. No more secrets, no more distrust. No more hiding. We are the freaking Winchesters, man! Who has ever managed to break us apart and keep us there.”
Sam found himself being pulled into a hug, and he immediately leaned into it. It had been so long since he had been touched in such a tender way, and he craved the touch.
After a while, they broke apart, and awkward silence emerged until Dean said something so Dean-like that Sam couldn’t help but smile.
“No more chick-flick moments, Samantha.”
After an pause, Dean said, “Are you hungry, Sam? Because I am really hungry. I could eat a whole buffet of bacon. Like the whole buffet.”
“Dude, you just ate,” Sam teased, and pointing out something so innocent like that made him feel like he was in a time machine. But a moment passed, and the apocalypse was still there, hanging over him like a curse. Though, there was never a curse that the Winchesters couldn’t fix.
“I ate a whole hour ago, Sammy! I am starving! Sorry I can’t just eat salads and exercise all the time, Popeye.”
“Shut up,” Sam retorted, feeling like an immature child, grabbing his coat off the hook and handing Dean his jacket.
Sam wasn’t ready to go out in the world yet, to be honest, and pretend like he hadn’t doomed it. Every life, every animal, all the hope in this planet, was going to be destroyed because of his arrogance. Because of his existence. Sam hadn’t realized he had paused in the doorway.
“Move it, Sasquatch. Sammy? Something wrong?” Dean asked, concern Sam hadn’t heard in so long lacing his voice.
“Dean. Do you really think we can save this world? Satan is a bit different from a couple of demons.”
“Well, Sammy, there’s no other option. And besides, since when have the Winchesters ever laid down and took whatever punishment handed to them? Huh. That’s right, never.”
“Can you stop referring to ourselves in the third person, Dean?” Sam asked in what he thought was a kind mature tone.
“Right after you cut your hair, Sammy.”
“So, never?”
“Never.”