Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     - Thanks again for helping me sort this out Gai.

   - It's my pleasure to help, Kakashi! Oh...

   The young Hatake smiled sincerely under his mask as he saw his friend's flabbergasted look at years of storage, Kakashi had locked up his entire past and literally not touched it for so long that he didn't know what he had and what he didn't have. He wanted to do a good sorting, and why not find some of his sensei's and his girlfriend's things to leave to Naruto so he could have some form of Uzumaki heritage, but that would take time, the Third Hokage had left everything to him since he didn't want Naruto to know his origins.

   There were things everywhere, Minato Namikaze kept every trinket and knick-knack as long as they were given with heart, so there were drawings of children admiring the Hokage next to statues of toads or copies of Icha Icha given by Jirai next to explosive scrolls. And that was without counting the things Kushina had received from Mito-sama, the last Uzumaki host of Kyubi before her.

   They began to sort through them and eventually sadness gave way to amusement and nostalgia. Seal theory scrolls covered in excited scribbles that were barely legible, clothes were covered in paint and Kakashi had to stop at a few points, especially when he came across the couple's headbands.

     - "They live on in us," Gai reminded him softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

   Kakashi didn't understand how Gai did it, but he was the most beloved man he knew, he had this talent of uniting people around his fighting and caring spirit. He was not like Minato-sensei, who was admired at first sight, he was even the opposite, ridiculed before he even spoke and humiliated after one sentence, but he gained the respect of all by his exemplary will and determination.

   He was an example for Kakashi, the man he would have liked to be aside from his father.

   Being a genius had never done him any good. Being a genius didn't help him save his father, or Obito, or Rin, or Minato-sensei and Kushina, being a genius didn't help him deal with grief and death, it didn't help him make the right choices and help his sensei's son, it didn't help him protect Sasuke from his demons nor did it help him protect Itachi from Danzo. He had failed badly, for a genius so easily recognized as exceptional. Gai did not fail, he won. Even in defeat, he at least won psychologically and came back stronger for a resounding victory, he hadn't lost his team or his sensei, and he had lost his father at a reasonable age for their dangerous life...

     - Oh Kami! Look at this, rival! What's that?

   Kakashi snapped out of his thoughts and walked over to the box Gai had opened and was looking at in puzzlement before grabbing the lid and slamming it down on the box. He would have been happy to never see a box of such items, his view of his sensei was forever changed. Gai was confused but said nothing as he burned the box with a katon and simply moved on to the next box before throwing the box back and covering his eyes with a small cry.

     - Gai?

     - I'm sorry!

   The ninja sighed, Gai had an uncanny knack for stumbling upon awkward objects, and burned the stock of lingerie, he doubted Naruto would have any interest in seeing his mother's alluring bras.

     - And what's this?

   Kakashi reached over and put a hand on Gai's shoulder, leaning over him to look at the scroll the other was trying to grab.

   His instincts flared.

     - Gai, wait a second-

   Too late.

   Gai's fingers had touched the scroll and Kakashi squeezed his friend tightly as he felt a sensation akin to Kamui grab him.

   Gai's arms caught him in the agonizing dizziness and Kakashi sincerely regretted not being able to say something nice about what was perhaps the most pathetic death in the world: dying from an experimental scroll that had been gathering dust for twenty years.

   When he opened his eyes again, he ached all over and groaned, opening his eyes to the deep voice that was not his best friend's.

     - Kakashi?

   That voice...

   The tired, worried face, the long grey hair, the dark eyes...

     - Dad?

Chapter Text

    - Kakashi, are you okay?

   He blinked once, twice, pinched himself, then made a discreet Kai before throwing himself into his father's worried arms.

    - Dad!

    - Kakashi?! Kakashi, son, what's going on?

    - Nothing, I just want a hug. Hug me and don't say anything.

   Kakashi was once again pleased that his father didn't ask too many questions as he hugged him without hesitation and Kakashi felt tears welling up in his eyes as the familiar smell of his father surrounded him. He knew his father could smell the salty scent of his tears or his trembling against him but he said nothing, just being present. That was all Kakashi wanted.

    - "I'm hungry," he then declared as he ran to the kitchen of his childhood home, leaving a confused and worried father behind.

   When Sakumo Hatake walked into his kitchen, Kakashi was just like himself, stoic and impassive, watching rice cook.

    - Son?

   - "A really ugly nightmare, Dad," said the adult trapped in a child's body.

   It wasn't a dream, he'd checked. Several times.

    - Do you want to talk about it?

   - You were dead, I was one of the few survivors of everyone I loved. A huge war. I'm glad you're here.

   It was only a small part of what Kakashi wanted to say to his father, but it was enough emotion for one day.

   A large hand hesitantly rested on his head and he didn't push it away, just stepped back to lean against his father. The Hatake patriarch was a strong man but mostly gentle, he was very tender, and Kakashi knew that his constant dodging of physical tenderness had pained him. Kakashi would do better, even if it all turned out to be fake, he would never regret making a version of his father happy.

   Father and son ate in silence and headed back to the Academy, and Kakashi had wistfully found his scarf to insulate himself from the powerful smells around him.

    - Oh Kami...

   A vision of horror that was too much for Kakashi. A big Gai even more... Gai-ish than Gai.

    - "This outfit is hideous," Kakashi declared head on, to his father's absolute horror.

    - Kakashi! I'm sorry, Dai-kun, Kakashi is a bit...

    - "Don't worry, it's the spring of youth shining especially brightly on him!" Beamed a small, high-pitched voice that stopped both Hatake's in their tracks for different reasons.

   Clearly, for Sakumo, it was the shock of being confronted with Maito Junior, and for Kakashi, it was being confronted with one of the few people he had ever truly loved... in this new life. Kakashi blinked slowly and ignored the exuberant and boisterous mini-Gai, this wasn't 'his' Gai, even if he did sound like him.

    - No, it's just that I have functional eyes.

    - "Don't worry, Dad," the child continued confidently as Kakashi's poor father despaired of turning his son into a well-behaved young man behind his calm demeanor. "My lifelong rival always talks like that, but he's great and he's a good friend!"

    - "Rival?" Sakumo repeated softly in puzzlement before turning to his grumpy child. "Friend?"

   If he thought Kakashi hadn't seen him make a discreet Kai, he hadn't.

   Dai Maito watched him calculatingly before approving of his son with enthusiasm.

    - Excellent choice of rival my son!

   Kakashi sighed without hiding it. If he had to put up with any more "My rival!" harassment from mini-Gai Maito while being an adult in a child's body himself, he was really going to go crazy. 

   Funny coincidence, though, that he had arrived for the day they met.

   Kakashi really couldn't get a minute of rest, could he?

Chapter Text

   Kakashi had forgotten one small, intricate detail in all this 'I'm reliving my life and enjoying it' craziness. His team. Seeing a little Rin Nohara looking at him with what was clearly the beginning of an obvious crush and Obito Uchiha with obvious jealousy was too much for him. Shit, there was even Asuma as a kid in front of a still very young Kurenai and today they were getting a visit from the Hokage. He had known and protected this old man when he was much older, and already he could see the wrinkles... he could already see the coffin. He couldn't let that happen, he would have to deal with Orochimaru somehow, the ninja was a threat to the greater good anyway.

    - "Kakashi-kun! Here, there's place here!" Mini-Gai shouted, and Kakashi purposely ignored him with his long practiced nonchalant attitude.

   Unfortunately it wasn't enough for Gai Maito, Kakashi had literally tried to kill him with a Chidori in the depths of his depression and the ninja had not only survived but also forgiven the Hatake for his thoughtless act. He was generally untouchable, which was very convenient for Kakashi, very relieving. It hadn't happened since, of course, because Kakashi cared too much about his best friend to willingly try to hurt him. The boy approached him with a leap in his stride and Kakashi reflexively looked away. He was still mentally processing having his father with him - his father in his happy, wise, caring version - and seeing his team again, he wasn't ready for Gai Maito. Once again, unfortunately, Gai was a force of nature: relentless and inescapable.

    - Kakashi-kun, let's train together after school!

    - "Why?" the young man asked indifferently.

    - Because we're young!

   Oh Kami...

    - "Let's start with a bet," the Hatake proposed.

   As expected, the boy's face lit up

    - A bet?! I'm listening!

    - If you don't speak any more outside of answering an adult, you win.

    - And what do I win?

    - "I'll go train with you," Kakashi promised.

   The boy with the improbable haircut nodded vigorously and closed his mouth with a look of determination and defiance.

   Finally, silence.

   Watching class was torture, but Kakashi enjoyed it all the same, for he was living again a time when everything was simple, when his only concerns were to be good at school and not be a burden on his father.

   He crushed his opponents like everyone else and heard other children whispering that Gai was present because he had insisted hard enough, which explained the difference and his presence even though he was theoretically not a student at the Academy.

   Surprising everyone, Gai won two Taijutsu fights before being defeated by a girl from the secondary branch of the Hyuuga.

   Kakashi obviously won and was again praised as a genius... yet his performance was miserable. Itachi Uchiha would have crushed him if had he been of his generation. He practiced for an hour with Gai and returned home, anxious to find his father packing his things. His father was going on a mission.

   Every mission could be 'the' decisive mission, Kakashi had to prepare himself, strengthen his body.

   He had to be ready.

    - "Come back alive," Kakashi asked his father.

   Remembering the morning, Sakumo smiled gently and nodded, hesitantly reaching out to offer him a hug which Kakashi returned without hesitation.

    - Promise.

   Kakashi already knew, as he watched his father walk away, that he would repeat this request on every mission for the rest of his life.

Chapter Text

   The first night alone in the house was horrible, a thousand times worse than Kakashi had imagined. Almost every ten minutes he would wake up with a start, screaming, convinced that he would find his father's cold corpse on the floor. He only managed to fall asleep on the floor with the sun rising, only to be woken up by someone knocking on the door.

    - Who is it at this hour? Mumbled the ninja too old to want to be bored, especially knowing that the adults thought he was - ugh - 'cute'.

    - Kakashi-kun, my rival, I challenge you!!!

   Kakashi slammed the door and went back inside, his father was on a mission, he could afford to be deeply rude. He wasn't in the mood to deal with mini-Gai, he was in the middle of an existential crisis.

    - Rival, stop hiding at home, come out with me and let's enjoy this beautiful weather!

    - Go away!

   It was almost harassment at this point, wasn't it?

    - Kakashi-kun, we absolutely must work on our reflexes and techniques for our village and our future students, come on!

   In less than three seconds, Kakashi was at the door, he opened it quickly, grabbed Gai by the collar, pulled him inside and closed it violently.

    - "You remember," Kakashi said frantically.

    - Remember what?

    - You remember your adult life!

    - Of course, I do, rival, we came back together. My day yesterday was very surprising and seeing my father so young shocked me momentarily but at least we're together, there's nothing we can't accomplish together!

   Kakashi took a moment to fully comprehend that the scruffy and puny boy in front of him was indeed 'his' Gai Maito and he felt his body reflexively relax. Gai meant safety, if not physical then at least moral. His mind was safe with Gai, when Itachi had tortured him, it was Gai who had come to their rescue. Gai was far more powerful and terrifying than Kakashi could ever hope to be.

    - "I'm really glad you're here with me, Gai," Kakashi admitted with a genuine smile under his scarf that Gai noticed, he always noticed that kind of detail.

    - So am I, my rival, and what a wonderful chance we have to experience the springtime of our youth again!

   Kakashi couldn't take it anymore, he knocked Gai out, at this age the Taijutsu specialist didn't have his incredible adult body and he didn't have the speed to dodge it yet. He fell to the ground and Kakashi took advantage of the silence once again. Having silence was difficult with Gai because he was always trying to brighten the situation around Kakashi to bring him joy. A generous goal, of course, but sometimes Kakashi just wanted to be depressed in peace.

   If he was with someone else he would have the pleasure of moping together, but with Gai he would have to mope alone, as usual.

   The ninja went to retrieve a pillow and placed it under his friend's head before covering him with a blanket, amused despite himself at the green outfit and the crazy haircut: he would miss Gai immensely if he wasn't himself.

   On the other hand... he was going to have to explain this to his father.

   How does an antisocial, arrogant kid 'normally' explain to his father that he has a best friend that he gets along with... and that he officially met the day before in said father's eyes?

   Kakashi went back to sleep, he would come up with something, as always.

   Maybe an excuse about a meeting and friendship over a lost kitten, it was time for Kakashi to build a reputation.

Chapter Text

   When Kakashi woke up with a start again, for once it wasn't because of a macabre discovery – not yet – but it was with a forceful and way too loud scream right next to his ears.

     - RIVAL!!!

   How Gai managed to keep from losing his voice through the sheer amount of screaming, the young Hatake would probably never know. And how he dodged his blindly thrown kunai towards the door, he didn't know either. All he knew was that he was exhausted, that the smell of his father in the house was already too old for his liking, and that he didn't want to be dragged out of his bed.

     - "Gay... I haven't slept all night because of nightmares about my suicidal father, I'm trying to get some rest," he groaned before having a flash of genius. "I need to be rested to train well, started without me."

   And that was it, logic worked well on Gai, well, some form of logic. Yeah, it was downright emotional manipulation, but it was the only thing that worked.

   Gai was already out the door with a brief but resounding "Sure, have a good rest Kakashi!". He returned a few seconds later but said nothing, adding a blanket and concealing the shutters more effectively and placing a single lit incense stick on the opposite side of the room for comfort. Kakashi didn't say anything to this caring and loving attitude, but he felt the full effect of it, and he knew that Gai didn't need him to say anything. Gai didn't do things to be thanked, he did them because he had a strong moral compass and a love that he gave to the world with every smile. He did good because it was good, and he was probably the best friend and rival anyone could ask for.

   Kakashi wouldn't want another one, Obito was far from offering him that dimension in their pseudo childish rivalry, not because he wasn't motivated, but because Kakashi wasn't. The place of rival and best friend was already taken in his life, he just hadn't realized it at the time.

   Such a small hand came to rest on his shoulder, and he moved slightly to squeeze it for a few seconds in thanks before pulling the covers up over himself so that even his head was covered. Gai walked out with an attempt at discretion, but at this time his footsteps were still loud and heavy, and closed the doors behind him without saying anything.

   Kakashi buried his head in his pillow and fell asleep instantly, lulled to sleep by the sounds of punches and kicks in the air and "yosh" echoing through his garden.

   His dreams this time would be lulled not by red but by green, and the shadow became light.

Chapter Text

   Waking up hadn't given him any more answers than any other morning, but Kakashi had learned to move through life without any real information. Even his first mission with his first Genin team had lacked information, so why not time travel?

   The smell of grilled fish drew him in a daze to the kitchen where he blinked in bewilderment at Gai who was cooking a very basic meal with the leftover raw materials Kakashi had. He hadn't gone shopping, he'd let himself waste away with his father's absence. Smart? No, but had Kakashi ever tried to brag about his emotional intelligence? Never, and it would never happen. Kakashi was just stupid when it came to feelings, it had taken Asuma telling him that Rin had a crush on him to make him realize that. Asuma, that loser who hadn't realized he was dating Kurenai – after thirteen one-on-one dates and thirty-six dinners AND a meeting with Kurenai's parents and grandparents – until she'd lost her patience and kissed him very languidly in public at the party for her Jonin promotion. For him to get that kind of news from such a hopeless idiot, he was a lost cause himself, he had to admit it.

   His relationship to emotions was as screwed up as Gai's relationship to clothes, that was a fact, there was nothing left to do but bend to the reality of life.

     - Thank you.

     - It's always a pleasure, Kakashi, but we really need to run some errands for you, so your father won't have to worry about it.

     - My father always comes back from a mission with food, he usually cooks a special meal to... celebrate his survival, I guess.

     - "Or to please you," Gai said, serving them bowls of seasoned rice and placing the dish with the fish in the middle of the table.

   Hg. That assumption... might actually make sense. More than survival, it had to be admitted, because his father... well, he was strong. Even more than strong, he was downright hefty. He was so strong that he hardly had any scars, his opponents didn't touch him, and he knew that even back then he was good enough to be Hokage, even if he didn't really care about the position. His father loved his village, but he had no desire to run it, to manage budgets or to play – brr – politics. The only politics the Hatake knew was to run away to the opposite side of the conflict, sulk in their corner and come back as if nothing had happened. Or maybe it was more of a Kakashi thing than a Hatake thing, but since his father had refused to confront the others and killed himself... well, maybe it was a real thing in this family.

     - "Maybe," he admitted as he ate, humming at the familiar taste. "Even if it was really bad I'd like it though, because it would come from him, and the best meals are the ones you spend with the ones you love."

   Gai nodded with a smile.

     - This meal is very good, Gai.

   The next smile was especially soft and happy, and Kakashi felt like he could breathe easier.

   They were going to be okay, weren't they?

Chapter Text

   The punch was... surprisingly firm. Gai had more strength than he remembered for that age, or maybe it was his own frailty that was surprising, because it hurt like hell!

   Fortunately, his body had more sense than his mind, which questioned his own skills or sense of pain, and retaliated with a kick to the stomach that threw the other boy backwards.

   Gai was soon on his feet and tried to attack him again, so Kakashi cheated a bit and used a Doton to shake the earth before throwing himself at the other wobbly ninja.

   It ended, as it often does with Gai, as a draw. Gai had a hold on him and could break his neck, but Kakashi had a kunai on a vital artery, a tie.

     - Well... What do we do now?

     - Hmm... my father is probably waiting for me to train together.

     - I meant, in general, what should we do with this whole... situation?

     - Ah.

   Gai lay still beneath him, giving no indication that he wanted Kakashi to move so he remained still. Even skinny Gai was more comfortable than the ground.

     - "I don't know about that," Gai muttered. "On one hand it would probably be easier and wiser to continue as if nothing had changed, but... we've changed. I know now, looking back, that the Academy didn't really help me develop my strengths, and I don't see what it could do for you now that you've got three-quarters of the world's justu in your memory. Do you remember that, by the way? Maybe without the Sharingan-"

     - "I remember everything," Kakashi sighed softly. "Every mudra combination is ingrained in my head, you're right, they won't teach me anything. But on the other hand... look what it did to Itachi, being discovered as a genius. He has received far more suffering than joy from being better than others."

     - I think we... should set our goals first, then it'll be easier to think of our strategy.

     - Yeah, you're right. Come on, let's go back to my place.

   They left the forest for the Hatake living-room and thought in silence. Usually he just completed missions, not created them.

     - "Should we even try to save our fathers?" Gai muttered, his face unreadable. "Will our actions not influence the future?"

     - "I don't see how saving our fathers could be negative," he replied, his shoulders tense.

     - "I love my father, Kakashi," his friend reminded him," but I'm just worried about touching things I can't control."

   His scathing remark didn't come out. It was a shame, but for a few seconds he'd been so blinded by the panic of reliving the horror and trauma of his father's death that he'd forgotten that they'd both lost their fathers in the next war.

     - I'm sorry.

     - I understand.

     - I apologize anyway.

     - I accept your apology and I forgive you.

   They didn't look at each other, they didn't look at anything, until Kakashi turned to him.

     - "We're going to save them, aren't we?" he asked in a small voice.

   He would do it no matter what, but he didn't want to do this without Gai.

   Gai had never looked so old and tired in his life as he did with that sad smile:

     - Yes, you know me, I wouldn't want my father not to enjoy the spring of his youth to the fullest.

Chapter Text

     - Well, if you don't think you care about what's supposed to happen, then you assume you're free of all constraints, right?

   Gai didn't understand where he was going, but he nodded in concentration.

     - Yeah?

     - Then I suggest for a start that you don't try to enter the academy like last time.

     - Are you sure about this? I had managed to convince the Hokage with my determination.

     - "The others laughed at you," Kakashi reminded with annoyance. "You're going in because they'll see you fight and see what you're worth against the others in Taijutsu."

     - But how can you do that if I can't face other people?

     - Have you ever heard of training grounds, Gai?

   The other looked at him as if he hadn't slept enough – which was true – so he continued.

     - You're going to train with me. I'm going to play the role of the Genius, and when the adults see that you're the best in your age group at Taijutsu and can compete with the prodigy Hatake, they're bound to question why you didn't get into the Academy. And at least this time you won't waste your time with Ninjutsu or Genjutsu.

     - It's not a waste of time!

     - Your chakra is not like ours, Gai, and you know that's not meant in a bad way. You've never been as good at Genjutsu and breaking illusion as you were as an adult, I think your body just isn't capable of it. And besides... who needs to defeat a Genjutsu when you can take on a Sharingan holder?

   Gai had to nod at what he said and the overall logic before continuing.

     - Okay, and on your end, are you planning on being the Fourth's student again?

     - I...

   He didn't know.

     - I don't know, I haven't thought about it yet. I guess someone else would have a chance to teach me other things but...

   But he loved Minato-sensei as his second parent.

     - "Start with your father, that legendary warrior," Gai teased, diverting the conversation to safer ground.

     - Yeah, good idea, he's one of the last remaining Kenjutsu masters today, it's a skill I never had, I didn't honor his legacy.

   The next few hours were spent choosing a strategy and position for every event that seemed important to them, and soon Gai would really have to go home, and Kakashi had only one more detail to deal with.

     - Well... And how do we justify our friendship to others?

   Gai laughed loudly.

     - That's easy! I made you my rival and you had no choice! You resigned yourself to the youthfulness of my friendly feelings and now we are the best rivals in the world!

     - "You mean best friends," Kakashi corrected with a smile, because that was indeed what had happened to them.

     - Yeah, right, best rivals!

   Kakashi had no doubt that once his father met Gai, he would understand how Kakashi had been forced to admit defeat and accept a friendship stronger than a mountain.

   Because Gai could destroy mountains.

   Gai could destroy everything, Kakashi's poor denials or guilty feelings were no match for him.

     - By the way, you're coming home for dinner tonight!

   … WHAT?!

Chapter Text

     - No, I won’t.

     - Yes, you will!

     - No, I won’t.

     - Yes, you will!

   How Gai managed to be so sure of himself, Kakashi didn't know.

     - I refuse.

     - You refuse? You... you're refusing to meet my father?!

   Oh shit.

   There it was, the tears. Damn, how weak Kakashi was in the face of a sad Gai, it was almost depressing, especially knowing that Gai was trying to hide that he was sad. It was impossible to keep saying no.

     - Okay.

     - No Kakashi, you shouldn't force yourself to do something if you don't want to, it's selfish of me to-

     - If you can get your father to put on something other than your suit for this meal, I'll come.

     - What?

     - "It's a challenge," the Hatake clarified with a sly smile.

   If he could influence Dai Maito, he could impact Gai slightly.

     - Hmm... okay! Come for the meal, we'll wait for you.

   Gai left cheerfully and Kakashi took advantage of being alone to clean the house a bit while waiting for dinner. There was no doubt that Gai would succeed, so he might as well prepare himself mentally for the mental slap of having two Maito around. After all, he'd managed to survive around Gai and Lee, he could do well with Dai Maito, couldn't he?

   When he came out of his house, the living room was tidy, all the rooms aired and the kitchen was spotless, that was the main thing.

   Out of habit he started to walk towards Gai's flat before he remembered that he didn't live there yet and he walked towards where he remembered his friend lived at the time.

   Gai was much poorer than he was. It was... surprising, he hadn't expected it, he didn't remember it.

   He hadn't realized it as a child, but unlike Kakashi who was the sole heir to an entire clan and the son of a man who made a lot of money on every mission he took because he was so skilled and well known, Gai's father had remained a Genin and only had missions... well, children's missions. Surviving and providing a decent life to his child must have been difficult for the man.

   Gai had surpassed his father in rank and skill, he had become Chunin and then Jonin, Kakashi hadn't paid attention to Gai until Gai had enough money to live well.

   They had lived very humbly, but they had also been happy men. Being rich hadn't taken away Kakashi's other problems, the same for Sasuke or Itachi. Money can do a lot, but it can't do everything.

     - Hello, Kakashi-kun! My son has told me a lot about you, come in!

   The boy – he felt a little like he was betraying everyone by being thirty years older than his body, even though he felt more emotional and less in control than he was back then – came in and sat down at the table.

   Everything went according to his plan, lots of shouts of youthful enthusiasm, lots of tears of "youthful" joy and lots of "manly touches" and encouragement.

   Kakashi had expected it, he was still surprised by the loudness in his ears and the power of the curry, but it was a nice surprise.

   He looked at the adult man calculatingly from time to time and he knew that Gai had noticed but he waved him off.

   A normal Genin couldn't kill several Swordsmen of the Mist in wartime. Sure Kakashi had struggled against Zabuza, but that was because he had a team of useless and oblivious brats, a Sharingan that disrupted his chakra, and there was the presence of the boy, Haku. Without these parameters, Kakashi would probably have won more easily, but he was The Copycat Ninja. He was Kakashi Hatake, the prodigy of his generation.

   Dai Maito had the strength, and he clearly had the team spirit and even the leadership to direct and encourage people to do their best: he should be a Chunin, minimum.

   He smiled to himself.

   He had just found a new Taijutsu training partner for his father.

Chapter Text

   When he left his family's house the next morning with almost the entire stock of shuriken in the house – which was a lot more than he remembered at the time – Kakashi froze under a figure waiting on the porch.

     - Dad.

     - Kakashi.

     - You're wondering about... this?

   This being the Hatake's most delicate way of describing Gai at the moment, who was practicing one-finger push-ups and throwing more stupid pledges at himself while screaming.

     - "A bit, yes," admitted his father, looking appraising and curious.

     - This is Gai, my rival. It means best friend, Gai uses it as a synonym altogether.

     - I... see.

   He wasn't seeing.

     - He'll be around a lot... if you don't mind?

   It was obvious that his father would want him to have a friend of his age, even if he was as weird as Gai, he was only saying this for form, because his father deserved a lot of effort from him.

     - Sure, would you like to...introduce us?

   Kakashi grimaced. He loved Gai, but right now he really wanted an emotional moment with his father. His face and body language showed that he was fine, but Kakashi didn't want to wait until he was not fine to spend time with him. He wanted to enjoy it.

     - GAI!!! We'll reschedule our training, my father's home!

   The other boy jumped to his feet and jumped towards them with a big smile.

     - What a pleasure to actually meet you, Sakumo-san, I'm truly honoured to be introduced to my Rival's father!

   His father would soon understand what a Gai-ish Rival was, much like an Uchiha Rival, except that the competition was less deadly and more friendly. In any case, almost all Uchiha were unnecessarily dramatic bastards.

     - I'm glad to meet a friend of Kakashi's, Gai-kun, you're always welcome.

   Gai looked over at Kakashi as Kakashi put a strand of his hair back in place and he waved a few times where his father couldn't see.

   Enjoy. Father. Alone together. Reunion. Training. Afternoon?

     - Let's meet for a vigorous practice this afternoon, rival, and maybe even a challenge, I'm already two points ahead!

     - " Challenge?" whispered his father as Gai walked away.

     - " Hard to stimulate a competition without a challenge," Kakashi replied fatalistically, before hugging his father who froze briefly before stroking his hair.

     - That nightmare again?

   His father was... fucking perceptive, that's what he was!

     - Hng.

   He walked away as if nothing had happened, but he knew his father was worried and watching him carefully. No matter, when you knew how many suicidal thoughts had plagued Kakashi, the worry was unfortunately reasonable and even mandatory for anyone who knew him a little.

     - "How was the mission?" He asked as he turned to his father's bags to put the groceries away.

   The request to change the subject to something not at all subtle was thankfully heard and Sakumo Hatake smiled quietly as if to reassure him.

     - Very simple, a clean and discreet infiltration and exfiltration of our hostage. Easier than expected.

   Kakashi could never be reassured enough, but it was a good start.

Chapter Text

   By the end of the month, Kakashi was the name on the lips of everyone with a modicum of social network or interest in gossip. He had become Genin on Monday at the Academy and then junior Chunin almost immediately afterwards when he demonstrated his skill in using Doton beyond his years. He was far too young to be Chunin or to do missions, they didn't do things like that in peacetime, it would reveal a distress if Kakashi got out of the village, but at least everyone among the Konoha ninja was aware that he was no ordinary kid, that he was both mature and competent, and most importantly that he wasn't going to stay at the Academy and would need a Jonin right away to make his talent flourish.

   Kakashi had immediately begun to work on his best impression of what he had become as an adult.

     - "Sullen and bitter?" Gai had asked in a moment of genuine innocence before trying to make up for it, but Kakashi had just laughed.

     - Almost. Lazy and disrespectful to begin with.

   Kakashi had worn sixteen potential sensei down to the bone before the Third Hokage had come to his senses and begged Sakumo to teach his son until he was more open to taking orders from strangers.

   What a joke.

   Anyway, Kakashi had begged his father for Kenjutsu and he'd gotten it, and for the first time in about fifteen years, he really felt like he was learning something new, something he couldn't just learn on his own. His father was a good teacher – It was there that he learned with genuine shock that his father had been the Jonin sensei of Choza Akimichi, Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka, who were currently young men barely grown. He had just been too young to remember that his father was busy bottle-feeding him while teaching. Choza Akimichi, who had taught Ebisu, Gai and Genma. His father had created the Ino-Shika-Cho trio that would be repeated by their own children. What a shock.

   It said nothing of the moment he saw Shikaku, his future Jonin Commander, fall in love with his wife. The casual and disinterested young adult had completely frozen when Yoshino Nara burst out laughing at a story from a Uchiha friend and Kakashi discovered that day what love at first sight was. Since then, he tried to never be in a place where those two were, because the intense and calculating look in his future Commander Jonin's eyes was really strange knowing that he was looking at his future wife with whom he would have a son.

   That said, there was more romance in Konoha than he remembered, as many people were courting or preparing to make their lives together, and Kakashi was obviously thinking about that.

     - Dad, don't you want to get married again?

   Sakumo Hatake, The White Fang of Konoha, choked on a piece of fish and Kakashi had to quickly kick him to get him to spit out the dangerous food.

     - What?!

     - Are you planning to remarry or date?

     - I- no! Kakashi, what... Do you want a mother?

     - Nah, you're the best mum in the world, but I was wondering if you were a little lonely.

     - That's sweet Kakashi, but I assure you I'm fine. It's... it's ok, I'm not looking to... start a new life.

     - Okay.

   He agreed, of course, but in the meantime he'd keep his eyes and ears open for possible acceptable candidates for a relationship with his father.

   It would have to be someone emotionally functioning or at least available and willing to learn, because Kakashi wouldn't demand more from a fellow ninja than he himself was capable of giving his father. Someone powerful, of course, that was non-negotiable. Someone who understood that the Shinobi rules were not a man's absolute goal and that the Will of the Fire was more important than the mission.

   And then, more specifically, someone who loves his father. For the sake of his father, Kakashi was willing to make many concessions on other criteria.

Chapter Text

With time, Gai's presence at home had become habitual and Kakashi could not help but notice that his father actually seemed reassured by this development because, although he was theoretically charged by the Ninja Academy with continuing Kakashi's education alongside his village duties, he had made his availability known for longer – and further – missions than he could remember.

At the time he was restricting himself to be as present as possible for his son as a widowed father, Kakashi just had not realised it... now he did, and he did not know what to think. On the one hand it was disappointing because he was unfortunately dependent on his father's presence as if he really were the child of his body's age – and that was a very strange feeling for someone as independent as he was – ... but on the other hand, the strategic adult in him could not help but see the benefits of this new development.

Taking on prestigious missions again was a permanent reminder to the village of who Sakumo Hatake was and what exactly he was capable of. He was a man who could be Hokage, he had skills, experience, tact and came from a prestigious Konoha Clan. Kakashi had no intention of pushing him to assume that position one day, but he felt that getting this kind of good press could do no harm to his father's reputation. He had kept a low profile for years for Kakashi, being hated by his village had not been helped by his lack of close friends and social connections. So now Kakashi was encouraging him to make friends, to go out for a drink in the evenings with his colleagues – but only one, he had made him promise – and to take on more important missions.

In the meantime, he was training with Gai and it had to be said that since nothing urgent or dramatic was going to happen in the next few months, they had both relaxed and were living their best life as boisterous children, much to the delight of Dai Maito who often invited Kakashi to eat at home when his father was not around.

A little uncomfortable with the idea of being a financial burden on the family, given the number of times he came, Kakashi had managed to get their two fathers to draw up a permanent babysitting contract, even though he did not really need it. Everyone was happy, Sakumo Hatake had the certainty that an adult was there for his child if needed, Dai Maito earned a bit more money for his son, Kakashi felt less guilty and Gai could invite him as often as he wanted. Everything was fine.

Everything was fine until Kakashi saw a young blond man and a young redhead woman coming out of a noodle stand, arguing teasingly. Suddenly it all came back to him and it was as if they were all there. He was no longer in the street but somewhere else, hard to know where, but where was not exactly relevant when the only thing he could smell and see was the blood on his hands.

Someone tried to touch him but he slapped the hand away without even looking at who it was and ran off without looking back.

His father was not there and Dai could not know, so Kakashi cried alone in his room until he fell asleep.

When he woke up, it was mid-afternoon and Gai was sleeping next to him, not touching him, not even that close of him, but next to him nonetheless. Looking at him in hindsight, with the memory of his former sensei's age once again at the forefront of his mind, Kakashi suddenly realised something he had not really understood living only with his father and the Maito men on a daily basis: the years.

It was so easy to forget that he had gone back in time when all he could see was his father, who he had never known older, and Gai, who was just... Gai. Kakashi could almost see him as if his adult face was superimposed on his childish face, so much so that he was just Gai before he was a face, a body or a voice. It was a bit the same for the others, Kakashi saw them as what they were when they died.

But for some reason that Kakashi could not explain, his sensei was different and now Kakashi suddenly remembered a lot of things that he had ignored or rather had not dwelt on.

Kakashi was four years old.

His father was supposed to die before he was five... which meant that the fateful mission that would set everything in motion was coming soon.

The Second Ninja War was about to begin, and Kakashi was a child, so he was not going to take part of it.

He was a Jonin in a tiny, weak body and he was going to have to watch ninjas from his village go off to fight and die when he could save them if he was not so weak.

He did not even know if he would be able to save his father from his own demons.

He felt like the most useless man on earth.

Chapter Text

There was someone outside the house, but Kakashi did not feel like entertaining anyone at the moment. Gai, bless him, ran to the door without hesitation.

"Rival! A stranger!"

"Slam the door to their faces."

Curious to hear Gai speaking to the stranger in a normal tone so low he could not discern the words, Kakashi finally stood up and approached reluctantly, raising an eyebrow at the young man who was stood in front of his house.

Dark blue eyes, hair in a sort of very light blue-gray colour...

"What, are you a distant cousin Hatake or something?" He blurted with no delicacy at all, watching in confusion as the adult laughed heartily while pushing his long hair back.

"It's flattering but no, I'm not a Hatake, at least not to my knowledge," he replied with a quiet and serene smile which finished to baffle the 'boy'. "My name is Dan, it took me a while to find out who you were but I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why this?"

"You... looked a little scared earlier. In the street."

"Oh, were you the one who tried to touch me?"

"Not my best move with a little ninja I admit," the man laughed nervously while rubbing the back of his neck, "that said at the time I thought you were a civilian kid who got lost."

"Well, I'm Kakashi Hatake."

"I understood that from the name on the door."

"Brother! Hurry up, we have to be at the babysitter's or else she won't take Shizune anymore!"

"I'm coming! Glad you're okay kid, take care of yourself and sorry again for the inconvenience."

The man bowed and quickly rushed to follow a female ninja with black hair but eyes of the same colour who had not waited for him.

"That woman looks familiar."

"Really? I'm not sure."

Kakashi held back very hard from reminding Gai that he had no memory for faces and therefore was not very useful in that department and went inside with him, closing the door firmly behind them.

"This guy is weird. Do you think he's from the Root?"

"Isn't it a bit of a stretch to think directly of Danzo and his Anbu unit? Did that even exist back then?"

"Good question."

As he walked back to his room a sound of footsteps followed him and watched silently as he curled up under the covers in his futon.

"So... what triggered you?"

"We are four years old and we are basically useless at protecting those we love, what more do you need?" He grew annoyed at his friend's muffled voice.

"Sometimes fighting isn't the only way to be useful, you know?"

"It's the only thing I know."

"Okay, then let's go practice. You promised to make me a student of the Academy after all."

"Hng."

"A good sensei doesn't lose his motivation and enthusiasm so quickly, rival."

"I'm not a good sensei."

It was true. Sadly true actually. He had been taken out of the Anbu to take care of the last Uchiha and make Sasuke an asset to the village...but he was not the right man for that. He had no pedagogy, no training, no teaching skills. They put him there because it was necessary but it did not fit.

He had not been good, nor had he been motivated. He had had no desire to get involved or make any effort.

"So… you admit your defeat? I win?"

Kakashi got up with difficulty: there was no way he was going to let that happen, he never forfeited before even fighting.

Chapter Text

They ended up training in their respective areas of expertise, Kakashi in Ninjutsu and Gai was trying to push his chakra to open Gates even though he was far too young to expect any success. Something about it being like a muscle to be prepared gradually, Kakashi was not going to question that, he was not the Taijutsu specialist in the equation.

They took a break to get something to eat in a small tea house and resumed their training, first by fighting hand-to-hand, and when Kakashi got bored of it - he unfortunately got tired of everything very quickly - he decided to put an end to the confrontation so that he would have at least one more victory than Gai.

"What a shame Jiraiya hadn't written Icha Icha yet."

When Gai choked on his saliva, Kakashi ran off with a mocking laugh towards the forest after driving his opponent out of the circle they had drawn on the ground.

"I win. Now hide and seek!"

This child's game was perhaps the only one that Kakashi had never stopped loving as he grew up. Making himself small and discreet, slipping into the shadows... for years Kakashi had done this in the Anbu to kill people, steal secrets, destroy strategic locations, but Gai had always made it fun by never giving up on their challenges. To challenge Kakashi, the man first had to find him, and it was always fun for him to find new hiding places or disguises to slip away, even if nothing would ever beat "Sukea" in that regard.

Every time they were found and touched, the roles were reversed and the pursuer gave the other a ten-second head start, and Gai was in fact more discreet than he looked because even Kakashi sometimes had trouble keeping up with him.

Well, except when he was stopped in the middle of a clearing of course. He approached cautiously, suspecting a trap, and then he saw why Gai had stopped. A shredded animal carcass.

"Kakashi."

"Yeah."

"That's..."

"I know."

The Forest of Death. He had not noticed that they had gone so far, at the time it seemed that the village had not yet erected barriers to keep the most dangerous part of the forest separate from the rest which, yes it was understandable because anyone older than a newly made Genin should be able to survive but Kakashi still found it a little dangerous in the event that civilian children had took the same path as them.

"We should leave."

"I'll take the front, the top and the left," Gai replied, positioning himself to his left, and they began to progress together, Kakashi immediately keeping an eye on the opposite sides.

Any movement in this forest was complicated to anticipate, there were natural threats everywhere for people their size, so it was best not to leave any blind spots. Now that he was thinking about it from this new perspective, Kakashi could not help but wonder... was the Third even sane? Even today, the young Hatake was amazed that his young pupils had passed this test, Anko had really gone the extra mile and not in the best sense of the word. There were safer ways of reducing the number of participants of the Chunin exam without endangering them, as Ibiki had proved. Besides, how could the tests even make sense if you sent your promising young all that way only for them to come back dead because they had been unlucky enough to bump into someone like an unstable Jinchuriki like Gaara?

Incomprehensible, even for him.

Then, piercing through the thick veil of his adult observations and thoughts about child soldiers and the dangers too young people were exposed to, a sudden, swift movement caught his attention.

"GAI!!!"

Luckily the man knew him well enough to react to the tiniest sign and threw himself to the side while Kakashi did the same, narrowly avoiding being literally swallowed whole by what was truly a giant snake. Damn.

"What do we do?" His friend shouted, jumping from tree to tree at full speed as the snake collided with them and wasted time following him through the foliage. Kakashi observed their surroundings and identified the only solution for their low chakra reserves.

"Follow me!"

They left to run along the ground this time and the second the snake could no longer see them, Kakashi put all his strength into a Doton to create a hole in the ground and give them enough room to take shelter.

The vibrations only passed over them once, shaking the earth as it fell on them, but they remained still and silent. They had lost it.

By the time they got back to Dai's house, who was cooking dinner and looking at them both with wide eyes, observing in particular Gai's hair full of cobwebs – don't ask – and Kakashi's body covered in mud from head to toe – again, don't ask – they were exhausted and could barely stand.

"Well boys, I see you're taking your training seriously!" The father became enthusiastic. "Oh the energy of youth, so inspiring!"

"Hng."

Even Gai seemed a bit too drained for that and only half-heartedly approved.

"Yes, Dad."

"Go and have a bath, I'll wait for you to finish preparing dinner."

Because there was really too much dust and dirt to remove from their bodies and clothes, they went to get wet in a stream first.

Kakashi rubbed his scarf with all his might with a bar of soap, desperate to get it back to its original colour and, above all, a smell that was even remotely tolerable.

There was nothing to say...

"I hate snakes."

Chapter Text

Not moving under the penetrating gaze of this snake required Kakashi to mobilise all his willpower and self-control.

"So this is the little terror."

Kakashi's father laughed softly in an warm tone but his worried glance at his son helped the ninja to decide on a neutral answer. He did not think embarrassing his father in front of Orochimaru was a good idea, especially as he did not know how much tolerance the Jonin had for arrogant, annoying brats.

Not answering was also an answer, was not it?

"Please excuse him, he's a bit shy," his father finally offered graciously, placing an affectionate hand on his hair, looking discreetly relieved that he had not insulted his colleague head-on.

The other did not really react when Kakashi rolled his eyes and turned away indifferently, watching with the same calm, steady gaze that seemed to probe your soul to unearth all its buried secrets.

"Can I go?" He asked, but only so as not to shame his father by being ill-mannered.

The things he did for love, seriously...

"In fact, Orochimaru actually wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" Kakashi repeated with a frown, hoping that the last Hatake heir was not on the list of children to be used for experiments by the psychopathic scientist.

Even though he did not really look like a psychopath at the moment.

In fact, although he looked quite stern, he also looked... rather gentle? Besides, now that Kakashi thought about it, he probably had not even started his worst experiments, and according to some rumours he had heard as part of the ANBU, the things he had done had been more or less approved by certain high authorities in Konoha linked to the now disbanded Root led by Danzo.

It was the sort of thing where morality really deserved to be questioned, after all, if it was tacitly for the village that he was doing it at the time... who was really to blame? Was the man really more responsible and guilty than the village that created him? Nowadays, Kakashi was not as sure as he used to be. Of course, torturing people to death for experiments was the kind of thing most people would refuse to do... but if there were no consequences, if it was tacitly encouraged by authority and if life no longer had any value to you after being so close to death to make it precious...

Many of the greatest advances had come from individuals with ultimately unscrupulous morals who explored beyond the limits. Kakashi did not share the ideas of the Orochimaru he had known when he was older and who had convinced Sasuke to desert when he himself had failed to convince him to stay, but even he could see and above all feel that the aura of this ninja in front of him had nothing to do with that man. It had so little to do with him that it was almost frightening to see how a few decades could change a man.

In any case, he could not even have been thirty at the time. Probably less. Kakashi had certainly been very impressionable until he was twenty-five, being an orphaned child soldier considered a genius and receiving very different consideration from others because of it... he knew how much you could lose yourself in a welcome apathy when you had nothing left.

"So, what is it?" He grew impatient after waiting a while for nothing to come.

"You and your comrade attacked one of my summon."

"Said summon tried to eat us," Kakashi retorted with a relaxed air and a smile, his eyes squinting in a pleasant expression.

Once again, the Jonin did not react to the extent that the Hatake doubted that even his heart rate was influenced by this conversation. He seemed impassive and serene, imperturbable really, as if the words never touched him.

Nothing at all like Jiraiya or Tsunade now that he thought about it.

"Well, you were much deeper in the Forest of Death than you should have been, it's important to keep all the borders of Konoha guarded, I'm sure you understand."

"I especially understand that a giant snake has no business being this close to a civilian population."

"The civilian population is actually smarter than you give them credit for, kid. When there are 'Danger of death, proceed no further' signs, even the children understand and proceed no further."

"I'm sure my dad would have been delighted to hear that justification, it probably would have been something like that, wouldn't it? 'Sorry Hatake but one of my summon ate your son because he was too stupid to stop exploring.' I'm sure he would have been terribly understanding.

"Kakashi," his father murmured as if in warning, but again Orochimaru simply laughed, looking completely unperturbed by his behaviour.

"That's an interesting son you have there, Hatake-san. Take good care of him."

Kakashi shivered at the Jonin's look and tone. He had a bad feeling about it.

Chapter Text

Gai had laughed at him so hard for having managed to catch Orochimaru's eye..

"Of course he would find you interesting, I chose the best rival."

"Didn't he come to see you?" He asked, curious because after all they had been together against the snake.

"Oh yes, he came to see me but he didn't really stay long after my father invited him to eat with us, I think my father made him feel uncomfortable."

"I don't see why," Kakashi said flatly, inwardly finding the idea of Dai Maito and Orochimaru eating together around a table hilarious.

No wonder the poor guy had been traumatised for life by Konoha's most eccentric family duo.

... since when had Orochimaru become "the poor guy" in any of his thoughts?

"Yosh! Come Kakashi, let's enjoy the springtime of our youth!"

Oh, yeah... since it was Gai. Gai would have that effect on quite a few people. Orochimaru was apparently vulnerable too.

That's great news.

"Kakashi!"

"I'm coming," he sighed monotonously.

Today as yesterday, they had decided to be less adventurous to avoid any more unfortunate encounters that would attract the attention of potential – erm, proven – psychopaths and they had been practising in the Hatake family garden throwing kunai, shuriken and any other projectile they could think of.

Gai would not say it but he did not have much equipment and everything he had was his father's. Dai's safety and maybe even survival depended on his weapons so Kakashi preferred the man to have as much gear as possible, the father was sometimes sent on missions around the village and bandits were a universal reality of life no matter the time. Of course, he was supposed to survive until the Third Ninja War but you never know.

They had more than enough stock for the two of them and his father at home anyway.

When they had emptied the main crate, they started unpacking the weapon storage scrolls and continued throwing their weapons at the Doton wall his father had created for them – Kakashi would hate himself if he hit his Clan's perimeter wall, the thing would have looked like a porcupine and his Father loved this house and this place.

All this under the terribly amused gaze of his father, who was writing his mission report or hanging out the washing on his side, anything to have activities allowing him to be outside and watch them. He did it every time he was here.

Kakashi wondered what he saw when he looked at them. Was he seeing fire-tested friends behind the competitive kids? Did he even have any idea how much Kakashi would die any day for Gai? All his life he had been described as imperturbable and indecipherable, because he forbade himself to feel, he refused to, especially at one time he would even have preferred not to feel at all so as not to live each day with the feeling of drowning in misfortune.

Now that he had promised himself to be more emotionally available to support his father, who knew what face he was making and what facial expressions his father could deduce from his attitude or his face. On top of that, guilt and anxiety had made a big comeback in him... sometimes he even found it hard to look his father in the eye.

It was something very painful and brutal to realise, understand, admit and integrate now that he was thinking about it again, mainly because he had never wanted to think about it and had pushed those painful memories away when his life was too busy and dangerous to let the past drag you down: Kakashi's father had killed himself.

Sakumo Hatake had reached such a point of despair that he could see no way out, nothing worth fighting for... and Kakashi, always by the book, had not helped. As a naive child, he believed the adults and the texts, and blamed his father for the shame he had brought on his family. A shame that he had erased with his life.

He had been forgotten.

Barely ten years after his death, no one spoke of him anymore, the famous White Fang of Konoha who, in other circumstances, could have become a formidable Hokage, was nothing except to those like Chiyo of Suna who knew that his name was that of the one who had taken a loved one from them, but otherwise he was nothing.

He would not let that happen, if necessary he would sleep in the living room and tell his father every day how much he was proud of him.

"Do you want to train with us?" He asked as he approached his father, climbing over the engawa to sit next to him.

"Maybe later. You know, knowing you, I think your friend is very... how should I say, he's very..."

"Energetic? Noisy? Badly dressed? "

"Yes, I mean no!" The Hatake pulled himself together in a hurry, noticing that he had blurted out something he would never have wanted to say because he was too respectful for that. "Enthusiastic, he's very enthusiastic."

"I know. And I swear I don't know why he wanted me as a rival. It's hard to say if he even knows it himself, actually."

"It's good that he's here, I'm glad to see you have such a good friend."

Kakashi looked at Gai, also soothed by his presence that almost no one would define as soothing.

"Yeah... do you already have a new mission?" He asked as he saw a suspicious scroll emerge from one of his father's pockets.

"Yes, I've been assigned a promising young man to learn from his elders, although in fact the Hokage just wants to know what I think of him. In fact, he should be here any moment now."

Thanks to the warning – and also to his heightened senses – Kakashi did not jump when someone appeared at the entrance to their property and hesitated, probably spotting Gai.

His father smiled when he saw that he had heard him and nodded approvingly when Gai stopped as well, demonstrating a finer perception of his surroundings than the Jonin had expected of him.

Kakashi then lost all his composure when a blond head appeared and approached when the Hatake man of the house beckoned him closer.

"Namikaze-kun, welcome, come in."

Chapter Text

"Hatake-san, it is an honour to work with you."

"My son, Kakashi, and his friend, Maito Gai," his father introduced before turning to the man next to him. "Boys, this is Namikaze Minato."

"Pleased to meet you, Namikaze-san," Gai greeted, and Kakashi looked at the young man without saying anything.

He was so young. So happy. So alive.

Kakashi could feel his silence growing heavy, but the words just would not come out of his mouth.

"Kakashi, are you coming?"

"I'm coming, Gai. Namikaze-san, take care of my father."

"I will," the blond promised with a sunny smile before taking the seat Kakashi vacated.

Are you all right? Gai seemed to ask without a word.

Kakashi did not need to answer for his best friend to know that the answer was a huge no. No, he was not feeling good.

"We could go and do some shopping."

"All right, let's pack up this mess and head off."

His father would not mind and did not say a word as he watched them hurry up and leave, simply giving him a gentle, patient smile.

Kakashi pouted under his scarf and rolled his eyes, his indignation reinforced when his father's smile deepened as Gai grabbed him by the arm and pulled him along.

"I didn't know they knew each other," his friend said more calmly than usual, respectful of his state of shock and emotional difficulties.

"Neither did I," he mumbled.

Now that he thought about it, he had heard his sensei talk about his father to Obito, and he had spoken about him with great respect... but he thought it was out of respect for Kakashi who was around, he had not imagined that they had known each other and worked together.

He often forgot how real people lived, being in the Anbu from a young age had given him a twisted view of ninja work in the service of his village, Kakashi did not really work in a team and was not supposed to know the identity of his partners. Nor was he supposed to like them.

"I'm not surprised he became Hokage," Gai continued thoughtfully. "He's so popular and kind."

"Above all, he's Jiraiya's student," Kakashi muttered.

With all due respect to his own sensei, Kakashi knew this was nothing but the truth. All the Hokage had been related to the previous Hokage in one way or another, the position was not passed down purely meritocratically, nepotism, whether intentional or accidental, was a real part of the village's history.

That was not necessarily a bad thing, if Kakashi was honest about it. They embodied a stable succession in the footsteps of their predecessor, the kind of thing that was particularly reassuring for the population when such an important figure as the village chief died. It was just a matter of trust and peace of mind for those lucky enough to be able to name their successor before they died.

The Hokage trusted those closest to them, they trusted their pupils and their pupils' judgement, which was why the brother of the First had succeeded him, why he had named his student his successor, why the Third had chosen the talented pupil of his own student and why the Fifth was Senju Tsunade.

But it was also a bitter thing when others were just as worthy. Someone like Gai, powerful, skilled and experienced, passionate, a man of righteousness and leadership, would never become Hokage even with the best will in the world. For some, the dream was impossible even before it had begun.

Rather than do what Kakashi would have done, which was to split up the list and go their separate ways, Gai stayed with him and they talked together about what they needed to do before trying to summon their ninja animals, and getting Gai to train his body to release its chakra exactly as it needed to in that body would be a real challenge.

"It's very inspiring to experience the springtime of my youth again!"

Kakashi chuckled at the thought of what baby turtles would look like and then tried to hit his friend when he mocked him by pointing out that his noble and dignified ninja dogs would also be tiny puppies with big sad eyes imploring for treats.

On their way out, they noticed an old lady carrying a lot of stuff who was trying to put it all on a stand by herself, and they did not even need to consult each other to approach her.

They were outpaced.

They did not approach.

They had recognised him.

"Obito, here!"

The boy turned when he had finished, running towards a figure Kakashi did not think he would have recognised without the very recognisable facial clan attribute.

"Rin! Sorry, I was helping-"

"I saw you," the girl replied with a quiet smile. "Shall we go?"

"Yes, let's go!"

It really was ghost day, and when Kakashi noticed Orochimaru watching them he decided to go back home.

That was enough for one day.

Chapter Text

For a few days, everything was quiet, his father was away, then at one point it was Gai's father, and they mostly stayed alone, sometimes playing with other ninja children and pretending to ignore the stares and the rumours, but they felt this pressure more and more as time went by and they really realised deep in their hearts that they were completely alone in a world that they had partially forgotten and completely left behind.

They were out of touch with absolutely everything around them, places and people alike, and it was alienating, some days Kakashi felt like he was going mad.

"Maybe, in fact, we're both dead and it's all in my head," he had said.

"So that's how you imagine death?"

"Why shouldn't it be? I was happy without knowing it, if I add you and the hope of changing the misfortunes of my loved ones, it's not such a bad afterlife..."

"If we choose our afterlife, you've got far too much guilt inside you to imagine something like that," Gai declared very matter-of-factly before smiling. "Matter settled, you're not dead."

"Or maybe we're in your afterlife."

"My afterlife would be a few years further away, I preferred my adolescence."

"... I think I'd rather be dead, Gai."

"But you're not, and I can't do it without you, so don't die, my rival."

Lie, he could do it, he just did not want to.

"As long as you don't die before me," he replied with a sigh, "rival."

Gai simply smiled and then handed him a kunai.

"Here, imagine you want to kill someone, then it'll be all right."

And Kakashi obeyed, and indeed, he felt a little better afterwards.

"We're home!" He exclaimed as he opened the door before they discovered his father on the engawa with a guest.

"Ah, here you are boys. Kakashi, come here. Orochimaru-san has something to tell you."

"What is it?" He asked with a wary look for the soon-to-be Sannin.

"With the Hokage's approval, I've come to offer you the chance to be your sensei and develop your potential."

"Oh... do you think you're up to it?" He then said with a perfectly calculated, insolent raise of his eyebrows.

He would have to make him change his mind and take back his offer, the bastard was too... well, too much himself for Kakashi to want him in his life.

It could not really be said that being his pupil had really benefited Anko in any way.

"I see your reputation seems well deserved."

"I have a reputation?"

A real sandbox's devil.

"I understand you've driven anyone interested in teaching a young prodigy mad?"

"Why would I accept? They won't do anything my father could not do and they don't know how to adapt to me."

"You've been a brat from day one with them, I've asked around."

"None of them are up to it," he scoffed, rolling his eyes and burying his face even deeper in his scarf, annoyed himself at how disappointing it had been. "All eager to claim responsibility for my success to make a reputation for themselves or to get closer to my father... they're disappointing."

"Hmm... and you're even more perceptive than you seem. I'm not one to give up on a project that promises to be so... exciting."

"You don't need to feel obliged to follow the Hokage on this."

"I'm the one who was asked."

... he was dead then.

Gai, who seemed to think like him, chuckled under his breath and gladly accepted tea when his father silently offered him some.

"I'll accept on one condition," he finally said, as he had no valid and acceptable reason for refusing.

"I'm all ears."

"Train my friend too."

Gai could be heard choking on his tea next to him but Kakashi did not blink and made sure not to look away for a second from the implicit staring contest they had started.

"This one?" The Jonin asked as he looked at Gai, at first disdainful as he always was before looking at him more closely, something intrigued appearing in his eyes.

"Yep."

"So be it."

Ah.

He had said yes.

Well, shit...

Chapter Text

After three months of being taught by Orochimaru, Kakashi had had to face facts: Orochimaru was not going to give up. Fortunately, he was not the only one who had had to accept an unpleasant reality, Orochimaru had had to too: he could not unGai Gai.

To his credit, the Jonin had never once tried to get Gai to give up his teaching so that he could concentrate solely on him. He had just genuinely accepted that he would teach both boys and he seemed determined to improve both their skills as effectively as possible, even adapting his way of doing things to them rather than asking them to adapt to him. It was more than Kakashi had ever been able to do... and damn it, it really stung his ego. Deeply.

That said, despite all his good will, even someone as unperturbed and patient as Orochimaru could not put up with passionate, encouraging talk about youth forever without trying to put a stop to it. So far, the Jonin's best attempt had been to make a bet with Gai: if he remained absolutely silent for a whole day, he would invite them to a restaurant.

One of the most peaceful days of his life – and that of the neighbourhood – since Gai came into his life.

In the long run, unfortunately, it was impossible to maintain it, because it was Gai, and even Orochimaru seemed to have forced his own brain to accept it since one of the most comical and hilarious situations Kakashi had ever witnessed: the meeting between Orochimaru and Dai.

By all the gods, that meeting... it was easily in his top 3 funniest moments since his return, no, in all his two lifetimes!

The look on Orochimaru's face when he saw Dai, his look between father and son as if he could hardly believe it, his look at Kakashi, begging him to tell him it was a joke – or at least that was what Kakashi would have done if he was him... it had all been perfect.

The Jonin had even scored points by not really reacting negatively to the "Eternal Genin" when the awkward question of who Dai was came up because he could not remember ever seeing him around, mumbling that it was ridiculous and that he would talk to the Hokage about it.

"You're not a child, Genins need supervision and protection, that's not your case, I'll talk to him about it," he had simply said, rolling his eyes in annoyance before freezing when Dai thanked him warmly and he and his son did the famous pose that had been passed down from generation to generation.

It was doubly more embarrassing than when it was just Gai, and if Lee ever existed it would be even worse.

The strangest dinner had then taken place at the Maito's house, with Kakashi and his father on one side, Gai and his father on the other and Orochimaru as the – very involuntary and reluctant – guest of honour at the end of the table.

Since then, things had been going very well... too well perhaps.

When Kakashi returned that evening with Orochimaru and invited him to come to the house for tea and a game of go – he had come to genuinely like the man, he had probably developed a brain tumour that had not been there at the time – he smiled as he noticed the sandals in the hall that matched the comforting smell in the house.

"My father's home," he said to the Jonin. "I'm home!"

"Good to see you, son."

"You weren't gone long, are you leaving again soon?" He asked as he approached his father, something anxious rising inside him without him being able to explain why.

"No, it's... there was a problem with the mission, I had to cancel it."

"Cancelled it?" He asked at the same time as Orochimaru, whom he had forgotten.

"I brought the team back, it was... the right thing to do at the time."

Kakashi nodded immediately, speaking so as not to be overcome by feelings of dizziness and nausea.

"If that's what had to be done, then so be it."

Glancing over at his current sensei, whom he hated himself for actually finding him somewhat decent, the man proved useful once again, reading his gaze and acting with unexpected social grace.

Gods knew Kakashi himself was not at all that competent.

"I have to go now, good evening."

"Good evening, Orochimaru-san, thank you for your work with Kakashi."

"They are a project that will bear fruit," the Sannin, who did not know that he would soon acquire a nickname at Ame, replied before slipping away, leaving Kakashi alone with his father.

He suggested a cup of tea and wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers.

There they were. The failed mission. The war.

From now on, his father's life was measured in months.

He could not fail.

Chapter Text

Kakashi had panicked when his father was not there when he woke up, but he tried to stay calm and not overdo it by wallowing in his misery. He had to be outside. His shoes and jacket were gone.

It was with a defeated face and hunched shoulders that Sakumo Hatake walked through the door of his own house, sighing silently as the door closed, his eyes closed and his fists clenched before he regained control and stood up.

"Oh, son, you were there."

His voice did not tremble, no weakness was shown, a true professional.

Unfortunately for him, Kakashi was in no way beneath him in that respect.

"Where were you?"

"I was talking to the Hokage. Have you eaten?"

"I've been waiting for you."

His father smiled affectionately and beckoned him over. After a closer look, Kakashi decided that perhaps there was no formal war yet. His father had "just" been reprimanded for his choices as team leader.

He just had to be there for him when the village turned against him. Over the next few days, everything seemed to be going relatively well and Kakashi relaxed, thinking he had misremembered the chronology of events in the war he had not taken part in because he was far too young for that. What a mistake!

Fate was on the march.

Over the next few weeks, his father was sent off to fight, and each time he came back more tired and depressed. He had stopped counting the number of "not now, Kakashi" he had heard. Orochimaru was also sent off to fight and no longer trained them, leaving them unoccupied.

It was never good for Kakashi's spirit to be idle, and with Gai worried about his now Chunin father also being sent on dangerous missions away from the village, their spirits were not high.

"I don't know what to do, Gai. I don't know if I can do it," he admitted one morning when getting out of bed was particularly difficult.

"Maybe you should just talk to him about it."

"And say what? Dad, I know you're going to kill yourself in the living room soon and I'd really like you not to?"

"I don't see why not. It's not like you've discussed it with him, is it? If he doesn't know how you feel about it, how do you expect him to know you support him?"

Because he had made gestures. Kakashi preferred gestures to words. Every day.

But would gestures be enough? That remained to be seen. Maybe he would follow his advice and see how things would develop.

Then Orochimaru entered one morning without announcing himself or asking permission, his clothes dirty, his hair a mess and his face tense, his erratic eyes finding him like a hawk.

"Your father's in hospital."

"... what?"

"He took a hit for me in Suna," the Jonin explained with a grimace of annoyance. "The blade was poisoned."

"Will he be alright?"

"My friend Tsunade is the best with poisons, she'll be back tomorrow. If he makes it through the night, he'll live."

Suna, poison... so it must have been the work of Chiyo.

"How long had it been going on?" He asked as he slipped on his shoes and followed him across the rooftops.

The Jonin's already dark face briefly turned murderous before settling into the impassive mask everyone knew.

"For too long, he didn't tell anyone about the seriousness of his injury so as not to slow us down. Sacrificial idiot."

He did not know how right he was.

"Do you think he'll pull through?" He asked then, not missing as the man did not turn to look at him, his long hair hiding his expression.

It was different to ask "Is he going to be OK?" and "Do you think he's going to be OK?", they both knew that.

"I don't know," the Jonin finally admitted, his face and voice as expressionless as if he were describing the colour of the sky.

The sky was grey, dark and threatening, A storm was impending and would soon strike Konoha. Kakashi tried to remind himself that he was not superstitious. Once again, it was complicated.

It was raining cats and dogs when they entered the hospital and lightning streaked the sky through the windows of the room to which they were led. There, in a bed surrounded by other wounded men, his father laid motionless, pale and feverish.

"They're all affected by some kind of poison, Suna's speciality. Unfortunately for him, the senbon seemed to be poisoned with a new substance for which we don't yet have an antidote."

Kakashi nodded, hesitantly touching his father's hand. His skin was burning, covered in sweat and his Hatake sense of smell could almost smell the illness on him. He had never seen his father so weak, it was... distressing.

"Can't you do something?" He asked softly, not exactly sure what he was asking.

He knew a lot of strange techniques, he knew a bit of medical jutsu, especially as a team-mate of Tsunade. On the other hand, Kakashi was the man of a thousand techniques but he was not a medical nin either. Perhaps he should consider rectifying this situation in the future.

"I already did everything I could when he collapsed. We didn't have a qualified doctor in the team."

"Every team should have a qualified doctor," he muttered, agreeing completely with the Fifth Hokage on this point.

"I'm not the one who can decide that."

"I know you're not."

And the Hokage, as venerable as he was, was already a man of the past. It was a shame that Minato-sensei had died. He would have changed Konoha for the better, the village really needed him.

A hand rested briefly on his shoulder in silent support and he was alone.

He stayed up all night, his eyes riveted on his father's chest, which was moving so weakly, anxious to see it go still again forever again.

"You can't die like that," he mumbled into the night. "You have no right to abandon me."

And yet, he had already done so.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, quickly wiped away. They spoke of old and new distress. They spoke of a trauma far from healed.

It had been so long since he had cried like that, with his whole body, with his whole soul. He could not remember when the last time was. Perhaps he never had.

Chapter Text

When Kakashi opened his eyes again, there were only three wounded left in the hospital's rest room and the bed he had fallen asleep on was empty.

Then he realised what was happening.

The bed was empty.

The smell of his father had passed over the sheets.

He ran down the corridors, stopping every nurse he saw and questioning them, but the nurses on duty that night had apparently just left, no one knew where his father was, and even if they did, the look of disgust and rejection on their faces when they heard his father's name soon made him realise that he had no allies here.

Nobody cared.

Was Konoha really always like this?

When finally a scent seemed familiar, Kakashi followed it and sat down next to Orochimaru, the Jonin saying nothing for a moment.

"Slept well?"

Rhetorical of course, he looked like a mess.

"I preferred to write our reports after washing up. I didn't want to miss anything."

"What do you mean?"

"That he's in there with my friend and team mate Tsunade."

"My father?"

"Who else?"

Some of the weight that had fallen on Kakashi lightened immediately and he slumped limply against the stiff and uncomfortable Jonin, who looked at him strangely before ignoring him.

"Why are you still here?" He asked with a yawn, curious enough about this attitude to dare ask the question.

He thought the young man would not answer, but finally he opened his mouth and the words that came out surprised him.

"Your father and I... we've fought together a few times since the war started. He... I consider him a friend."

Wow. Was that also the case the time before? Had he known and respected the skill of the White Fang? More than that?

He had known little of Orochimaru and even his father now that he thought about it. It was strange to think that they'd both had lives, experienced things, met people... they had had their own concerns, losses, traumas.

And everything piled up until they were numb.

"Get some rest, I'll wake you when there's news."

"Hmm... ok."

He woke up almost curled up in a ball against the Jonin, an old habit he had picked up with his ninken, and jumped out of his seat when he saw a familiar face on a young blonde woman.

Tsunade!

"Easy, kid," the doctor said with a laugh as he stumbled and felt weak.

He had not eaten since yesterday. He could not remember the last time he had had a drink either. That was not the most important thing though.

"My father?"

"He'll live, he'll have to rest but I'm sure he'll recover quickly, he's tough."

But he was not invincible.

"Is he awake?"

"Not at the moment, the treatment was... particularly painful for him. I had to test several procedures and he'd already been ill for a while. He's fine now," she repeated, looking at him with concern.

She did not understand... today he was fine, but maybe one day it would be too late.

"You can come in when they're done changing the sheets..."

"Kakashi," Orochimaru whispered.

"Kakashi. What a strange name."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. Kakashi, the scarecrow, it was a bit strange but not that strange for a man called Sakumo, or the crops. If he had a child, he would name them something to do with farming too, so the joke would be complete.

"Will you teach me some medical jutsu?"

If you're going to learn, you might as well learn from the best.

"What?"

"Hey! You're my student!"

"You don't know how to heal, she does."

"Kid... I've heard about you, I know you're a prodigy, but medicine takes a lot of"

"I'll work hard, I'll be up to it."

She put her hand on his shoulder and Kakashi frowned: he had to find a way to convince her, after the war she was going to leave like Jiraiya and it would be too late.

"For-"

"Tsunade! I've finished with... who is it?"

"Nawaki, don't be rude. Excuse him, Kakashi, he's my brother."

"Nawaki Senju! Who are you?"

Tsunade shook her head before quickly concentrating again, for Kakashi knew how to be insistent until it worked. He had always been a determined person. And ambitious.

"Kakashi Hatake, Tsunade-sensei is going to teach me some medical rudiments."

"What?"

"For real?"

"No, absolutely not, I never said that I-"

"She just saved my father, she really is the best," he continued in an almost childlike tone of admiration that had an immediate effect.

Orochimaru obviously saw through him but said nothing, sniggering behind his friend.

"Of course she's the best, my sister is amazing!"

"I'm really looking forward to learning from her."

"I don't have time to-"

"Thanks again for agreeing to teach me, have a nice day, I'm off to see my dad now," he continued with aplomb before rushing into the room when a nurse came out.

It was just another way of dealing with his father's suicide problem: if he could not stop him from falling into despair, at least he might be able to save him by healing him.

That was bound to come in handy one day anyway, all he had to do now was convince Tsunade and he would do anything to make it.

If necessary, he would even use Gai.

He was going to become a competent medical doctor.

How ironic. He, the worst caretaker with no social skills or empathy, medical nin. He could hardly believe it himself.

The things we do for love...

Chapter Text

"... 'kashi ?"

"Hmm?" The ninja asked without looking up from his book, an encyclopaedia of snakes lent to him by Orochimaru before the Jonin left.

"Why am I in hospital?"

Kakashi sighed deeply.

Let's be clear, it was not that he did not care, but after three successive awakenings of his father for a few minutes during which he had rambled only to not remember a thing about it the next time he woke up, the novelty, the excitement and the worry too had worn off.

And he was pissed.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you didn't tell anyone you'd been poisoned?" He snapped, so full of sarcasm that it could not be ignored.

His father looked at him in surprise but Kakashi was too angry with him to let that stop him.

"You almost died," he continued, he persisted, concluding that if he was going to blow off steam, he would do it once and for all and they would move on.

It was not as if he would remember anyway.

"You almost left me all alone for some stupid reason."

"What did I do?"

"Guess it yourself," he mumbled, ostentatiously looking away and returning to his reading.

He was quite fascinated. Which was surprising given that he was not really an avid reader in his spare time... and he did not really have any hobbies apart from photography and being a troll. In fact, he could not remember reading anything other than Jiraiya's pornography, in which the Jonin transmitted hidden messages to him even when travelling to the other side of the world, from a 4^th Hokage's sensei to his student.

Perhaps it was because he was reading a chapter on the symbolism of snakes through tales that highlighted their adaptability, their ability to transform and literally change their skin. In a way it reminded him of the wolf tales his father used to tell him when he was very young. At the time, he was not sure but he thought his father's summon were there. He had grown up with wolves, literally.

He had never asked why he no longer summoned them. Nor would he. They were probably dead, it would only bring back painful memories.

"I don't remember."

You never remember."

"You were hurt and you didn't say anything. Your team realised at the last moment. They brought you back and made Tsunade come back for you because it was so serious. You should have said something."

"What's the point?" His father muttered softly, clearly not thinking he would be heard. "No one cares."

It was like a kunai straight to the heart. Was he already there? Thinking that his survival was not valued?

"Well I care, I'd miss you every day of my life, I don't want you to die."

… wow. Kakashi did not think he had ever said anything so close to "I love you" in his entire existence and his father was apparently thinking the same thing as he looked at him with wide eyes.

"Orochimaru helped heal you and got Tsunade here faster. Dai and Gai brought plenty of food for when we get home. From what I've heard, even the Hokage was worried about you."

In other words: people care, think of them before you think of anyone else.

Think of me.

His father fell asleep shortly afterwards and Kakashi climbed onto the bed to fall asleep against him, finding comfort in his warmth, his smell and the steady rhythm of his heart.

In the morning, when he awoke, a hand was stroking his hair.

"Is something wrong, Dad?" He asked, yawning as he settled back down when his father replied with his characteristic gentleness.

Normally, if he did not sleep at night it was because he was in pain.

"Everything's fine, son, everything will be fine, don't worry."