Chapter Text
Caitlyn decided to head back out to the living room, quietly closing the guest room door behind her. She’d used the room to do some breathing exercises and a quick meditation to calm some anxiety she felt coming on while Janet was resting. Then, she called Ellie for some extra reassurance and to update her on her mom’s condition.
However, she wasn’t sure how much those activities actually gave her a respite. It still seemed like she had been at Janet’s condo for an eternity, but in reality, only about three hours had passed since they had gotten home from County.
She walked over to the couch, where she saw Janet was still sound asleep. She debated waking her, but then checked herself and remembered that Archie let her know it was all right to let her mother sleep; she’d been easily awakened during rounds while staying overnight. Caitlyn just had to check her orientation once she woke up.
Janet shifted and mumbled something Caitlyn didn’t quite understand, but otherwise didn’t open her eyes. Talking in her sleep, Caitlyn noted. She gently re-covered her with a blanket and stared down at her for another minute before going to sit in a nearby chair to read a book.
It had been a watch-and-wait type of day, and right now she was trying to wait more than she watched. Ellie had gently but firmly reminded her to not drive herself crazy and take time for her own self-care, which also meant not staring at her sleeping mom too much. After all, she knew how to determine whether she needed to take Janet back to the hospital. If the warning signs weren’t there, the best thing to do was let her rest and start recovering from the concussion.
Caitlyn closed her eyes and saw the events of the night before playing in her head. It all started when Janet fell down the steps at Caitlyn’s apartment and hit her head off the wall. It was a complete freak accident; she’d missed a step and tripped down the remaining flight. Not long after, she complained she didn’t feel right and quickly became the opposite of her usual assertive and talkative self.
Wednesday night
You can come back now, Ellie’s text read, indicating that she’d finished checking Janet over to determine how hurt she might be and what steps she and Caitlyn needed to take to help her. Caitlyn already knew that Janet was nauseous and dizzy; she’d also complained that she had a headache and her ears were ringing. That was enough reason for her to be concerned about the possible outcome. Plus, everyone felt bad that a fun night of dinner and dessert had turned into a crisis.
Caitlyn had gone to her bedroom while waiting for Ellie to finish and had been sitting on the bed the whole time with her hands clenched. She took a breath and tried to calm her racing heart, and then headed back to the living room to meet them.
“OK, now that Caitlyn’s here, I’ll repeat a few things for her benefit,” Ellie told Janet, who was lying back on the couch and trying to compose herself. Caitlyn knelt on the floor next to her and held her hand.
“Whatever it is, you’ll make it,” she assured her. “You’ll be fine. So, Elle…what are we dealing with?”
Ellie nodded. “The exam was a little challenging for your mom. I managed to get a look at her head and felt a bruise on the back right side, but I didn’t see any lacerations. I couldn’t check her neck, though. I moved her hair out of the way, and that was all I could do before she begged me to stop, but she does seem able to move it. I didn’t want to keep going against her will or risk hurting her more.”
“Cait, I know this isn’t what either of you want to hear, but we need to get to the hospital right away. Janet, like I said, I’d love to keep you here and have me and Cait observe you, but I don’t feel comfortable with that, and I know Cait won’t either. This is a little bit beyond just a bump on the head.”
Janet bit her lip, and Caitlyn could tell she was holding in tears. “I tried to say I didn’t want to,” she said, sounding choked up.
“I know. I can’t imagine Ellie or I would want to go either if this were us, but I agree with her; it’s the safest thing. Mom, you need to be checked out by a doctor. You should have a full neuro exam and maybe a CT and/or X-rays, and they’re going to have to look at your head and neck, make sure Ellie didn’t overlook or misinterpret anything. Are you having any neck pain at all?”
“Not really.”
Caitlyn looked back at Ellie. “How are her pupils, by the way? They look a little bigger to me. Please tell me you checked her eyes.”
“Pupils were sluggish. And she was having a hard time tracking my finger.”
“It was making me dizzy,” Janet snapped.
Caitlyn needed to bite her own tongue for a minute, or she feared she’d start arguing with Janet. She knew people with concussions could have mood swings, so there was no point in starting a war of words when Janet was already in distress.
“Cait, babe, why don’t you go get your guys’ coats so we can get to the ER?” Ellie suggested, breaking the tension that seemed to be filling the room. “I even told your mom she could choose if we went to County or Mercy. That way if she doesn’t want to know anyone, she has privacy. You’ll sit in the backseat with her and monitor her and I’ll drive. Let me know immediately about any LOC or if it seems like she’s going to throw up or seize.”
Ellie patted Janet’s shoulder and then squeezed Caitlyn’s arm. “Be strong,” she whispered to her best friend. “Your mom is scared; she needs you. I know you panic easily sometimes, but that won’t help her, so if you want to take a walk and talk at any point once she’s in a room, let me know. Don’t lose it in front of her; put your RN hat on and hold her hand or talk to her when she needs support.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
During the car ride, Caitlyn let Janet rest her head on her and talked to her to keep her awake. At County, Janet was examined and went for a CT (which Caitlyn was allowed to accompany her for as long as she wore a protective apron), and while she was fearful of the test at first, she got through it without the tech needing to retake any images. Then, she had had facial X-rays before being admitted overnight for observation. She had to stay in the ER due to a shortage of beds in other units, but Dr. Martin had ensured she was moved to one of the private rooms where they could draw the blinds and turn out the lights so she could rest easier.
She’d been discharged to home, where Caitlyn was staying with her to keep an eye on her condition, and she was scheduled for a follow-up appointment with a neurologist on Monday. That would hopefully bring an estimated timeline of when she could work again; she was already nagging Archie about it before she left the hospital.
Caitlyn was crossing her fingers that they didn’t have to go back to the hospital. County’s ER was stressful enough on a good day, but she’d been dealing with some medical issues herself, specifically an irregular heartbeat. After a checkup, an EKG, and a cardiac echo, on top of her nursing job at Mercy, she was weary of doctor’s offices and hospitals. It was another reason to try and stay calm; she was afraid stressing too much would mess up her heart and make her an ER patient too.
Unable to focus on her book, she resigned herself to making some peppermint tea (she was trying not to have any caffeine or sugar to see if it would improve her arrhythmia) while she waited for Janet to wake up, as she was feeling tired now too. She’d barely slept last night, even lying in Ellie’s bed for a short time in the middle of the night to cry and discuss her fears. Luckily, she had pulled it together enough to pick up Janet and commit to staying until tomorrow, at the minimum, to make sure she was OK. No matter how bad her own problems got, she wasn’t about to ignore her mother or pass the caregiving responsibility to someone else.
Just as she had started boiling water, she heard Janet cough, and she quickly walked back to the living room to see her waking up and trying to readjust to her surroundings. She shivered a little bit too.
“Hey, Mom,” Caitlyn spoke to her softly and took her hand. “Welcome back. Winter in Chicago is a rude awakening for any of us so don’t feel bad. How did you sleep?”
“Like a rock. I feel a little better, but I could use more Tylenol.”
Caitlyn looked down at her watch. “Not yet. You’re not quite four hours out from your last dose at the hospital. How about ice? And do you want any tea? I just put the water on. I’m having peppermint but if you want sugar in yours, I can just make regular tea for you.”
“Sweetie, don’t ask me questions that fast,” Janet replied. “I can’t process all of that at once right now. So yes, I could use an ice pack. And what else?”
“Tea. Do you want a bag of the peppermint tea that I’m having, or would you rather me make you the regular stuff?”
“Normal tea is fine. Add a pack of sugar and two spoonfuls of milk.”
Caitlyn grabbed an ice pack first and set it down on the coffee table before making a second trip to get the tea. Once she came back to the living room, she helped Janet sit up, keeping the blanket on her lap, and then studied her face. Janet had a black eye and looked exhausted.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” she asked, noticing Caitlyn’s concern. “I haven’t really seen myself yet.”
“You do have bruising under your eye, but that happens sometimes with concussions when smaller blood vessels break. But it’s not swollen shut. You can still see out of it, right? Do you have any double vision?”
“No, I can see fine.”
“Perfect. Now I’m going to ask you a couple of questions. The first one is, do you know where you are?”
“Of course. At home.”
“Can you recognize me?”
“Cait, how could I forget you?”
“Good. Here. I’ll hold the ice to your head while you drink some tea. I want to recheck your pupils later too.”
“You’re not going to let me off the hook, are you?” Janet groaned.
“Nope. Mom, I need to monitor you. You really shouldn’t be alone right now. It helps that I’m a nurse and know how to spot signs of more serious issues. And if you end up having problems, me being here means you don’t have to wait long to go back to the hospital.”
“So tell me, how are you feeling?”
Janet sighed. “I’m kind of tired and achy. That fall really did a number on me. But otherwise, I’m hanging in there, I guess. I kept down the toast Dawn brought me. But my ears are still buzzing, and I can’t tolerate any loud noise. I thought I was going to scream this morning when the paramedics came in with a trauma patient and I heard all the commotion.”
“All right. Well let’s not watch TV. You are supposed to be resting as much as you can, but we can try limited exertion activities. I have some coloring books from home. Maybe we can even sit and write in our own journals for a little bit. Can you focus long enough to write?”
“I don’t think so.”
“OK,” Caitlyn smiled. “Do you want to color first? Or maybe try a basic board game like Life where you just move around the board?
“I don’t feel like doing anything. I just woke up, for crying out loud. And please don’t keep rambling at me either.”
“That’s fair. I’m sorry. I’ll slow it down.” She sat down next to Janet, who turned away briefly and sighed again, knowing it was going to be a struggle for her and Caitlyn to communicate when they each had their own worries about this unexpected time together.
“I wish I had the energy to shower,” Janet said, changing the subject. “And no offense but…” She stared over at Caitlyn and they both laughed a little. “I’d just rather wait until I can stand up for long enough where I don’t feel disoriented.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re not that close.” Caitlyn finished the first sentence. “But if you at least want to feel polished, maybe I can help you with your hair or your skincare. That way you can stay dressed. But if that’s also too weird, then that’s OK.”
“That sounds nice,” Janet agreed. “I have some dry shampoo in my room, actually. I use it every once in a while on a day off or if I’m running late. Maybe after that, I can wash my face and moisturize.”
“OK. I’ll be right back.”
Caitlyn returned a few minutes later with the can of dry shampoo and a hairbrush, along with a mirror, and then helped Janet move to a kitchen chair and sit down. She put a towel around her neck and shoulders and started to run her hands through her mother’s hair.
“I’ll let you look in the mirror when I’m done so you can make sure I did it right,” Caitlyn told her. “And I’ll try not to hit the bruising when I brush your hair, but I picked up a soft brush, so it shouldn’t hurt too much if I use gentler strokes. Let me know, though.”
“I think I can do that.” Janet smiled a little as she felt Caitlyn’s fingers smooth her hair. “This feels really relaxing already. I needed this.”
“I’m glad I could help. You deserve it. Besides, it reminds me of when I stayed here during my last depressive episode and you helped me comb my hair after I showered. I thought it was sweet that you asked a lot of questions so you could do it the way I liked it. And you did do a good job. It helped me feel better about myself when I was feeling so low on the inside.”
Janet took a minute to gather her thoughts before responding, and then asked, “Are you doing OK right now?”
“Me?” Caitlyn sounded surprised and pulled the brush away from her head for a second. “Sure. I’m a little tired. Last night was a crazy night for all of us. But I’m managing.”
“You’re worried about me, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am,” Caitlyn answered. “It was hard to see you in the hospital again. And right now, you can’t just dust yourself off and go back to work. But at the same time, I’m relieved that you’re home and can recover here barring any complications.”
“I don’t want you to worry too much about me. I understand why you are, but you’re having some issues yourself, and you need to stay healthy. You’re too young for a heart attack.”
Caitlyn understood. It was Janet who had noticed her feeling out of breath and fatigued a few weeks ago and insisted on listening to her heart. Although she was no cardiologist, she let Caitlyn know she was hearing some unusual sounds and rhythms and encouraged her to get checked out as soon as she could, then followed up with her to make sure she’d done so.
“OK. But don’t worry too much about me either. It’s perfectly fine to focus on yourself and getting better. I’ll call Dad or Melanie if I start not feeling well and need to go get treatment, and I’ll make sure someone else can stay with you. Ellie would come over, but I could see if any of your coworkers are off and able to stop by. Remember, Archie said to call him if we needed anything.”
“I’m glad you have a plan, but still, we’re both afraid right now,” Janet said. “I’m not sure if you noticed on my discharge papers, but I have to have a repeat CT as part of my follow-up. The neurologist and the employee health doctor will co-sign on it, but…I don’t want to go in that tube again or go to the neurologist. The exam is going to be so extensive. I don’t think I can hold my focus for that long, and what if I can’t get back to work? And you can’t be with me for the CT this time.”
“Who says? I’m still off on Mondays.”
“I know. But I’m already anxious just thinking about it. The next tech may not be so willing to bend the rules and let you in the room.”
Caitlyn nodded and sprayed the shampoo in her hair. “I get it. But employee health is erring on the side of caution, and maybe even being extra careful because of your specialty and so often managing two lives at once. You have to have a clear head and enough energy even for a routine workday, and right now you’re not there. If the neurologist doesn’t clear you on Monday, there’s a good reason why. It’s not like you’ll be out of work for the next six months—at least we hope not. It’s only until you rest that noggin, as Ellie said. Besides, I bet any other doctor would go through the same protocol if they were in your shoes right now.”
“And I’m sure the CT tech will let you have a blanket and soft music again if you ask. That helped you last night, and I doubt they’ll get upset about a simple request. As far as your doctor’s appointment…hopefully you’ll be in a little less pain on Monday, and do your best to concentrate and get through the other parts. No one will judge you or shame you if you can’t get back to work on Tuesday. Everyone who’s taking care of you wants to help you.”
“Fair. The way you described what Ellie said…I can imagine that. She seems to think laughter is the best medicine, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does. She practically bounced on my bed this morning to wake me up to come get you. I’m so blessed to have her as a friend.”
“Do you want me to go to the neurologist with you? If it would help to have me in the room and advocate for you or just comfort and encourage you during the exam, I can. I can’t make them agree to let you work, but I’ll be there for you if you want the support.”
“I’ll think about it. Thanks for the offer.”
“You bet.” Caitlyn started massaging Janet’s head to absorb the shampoo. “Is this hurting you?”
“A little when you’re near that bruise. But otherwise, no.”
When Caitlyn finished brushing Janet’s hair, she held up the mirror for her. “What do you think?”
“It looks good; pretty close to how I’d style it if I were wearing it down. This was really good for the soul.” She started to cough again. “Although naturally I feel like I’m getting a cold on top of this stupid head injury.”
“Are you OK? Do you want me to listen to your chest or take your temp?”
“No thanks; not right now. It just feels like a simple cold, but I’ll let you know if it’s getting worse.”
“No problem.” Caitlyn was worried but at the same time, respected that Janet was trying to draw boundaries and didn’t want her to be overbearing.
“You want to go wash your face? I can help you set up what you need and make sure you don’t lose your balance.”
“I don’t know…” Janet trailed off and looked nervous. “What if I can’t handle leaning over the sink? How can we do this so I can stay in one place?”
“Hmm. How about I give you two washcloths? I’ll wet the first one and you can use that to get your face wet and then rinse, and then I’ll put your cleanser on the second one so you can wash. Does that seem like it would work?”
“Sure.”
Caitlyn stood in the bathroom while Janet washed up, taking care of the washcloths and making sure she didn’t have difficulty standing. She also set up a towel for her to dry off and her moisturizer, as well as some hand lotion.
Once Janet was freshened up, she turned to Caitlyn. “Well, I’m tired again now,” she proclaimed.
“You want another nap?” Caitlyn asked.
“Actually…I think some of the nausea has passed, because I am feeling a little hungry. Can we have lunch? I should probably eat before taking more Tylenol anyway, and then I’ll lie down again afterward.”
“It’s a deal. How about some soup? I’ll make it. You just sit and relax.”
“Sounds good to me.”
They went into the kitchen, and Caitlyn reached for a pot and a can of tomato soup, as well as a box of crackers.
“I’m sorry I was so rambly before,” she said. “I should’ve known that you can’t really think straight. It’s just me being a worrywart, you know? Ellie said I need to keep my RN hat on and take off the concerned daughter hat.”
Janet put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. “No apology needed. Like I said, we’re both afraid. But I’m still glad you’re here to help me. And no rambling while I’m waiting on lunch.” She winked and slowly sat down at the table.
“Coming right up.”