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“Who dared you to say that?”
They were in an ice cream shop after agreeing to meet after school. Tobio wished he hadn’t. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be faced with… whatever Oikawa was trying to do.
“Nobody did?” Oikawa was confused.
Out of the blue, Oikawa had dumped the fact that he never hated Tobio and that in fact, he had been harbouring a crush on him for a while, he just didn’t know how to act on it because they were meant to be rivals. That being said, Tobio was caught completely off-guard.
Here’s the thing: Tobio loved reading love stories and he loved seeing other people in love (nobody knew of this fact, of course, Tobio tended to keep this side of him to himself) but when it came to his first hand experience? It was something Tobio tried to avoid. One time, Hinata told him it was something to do with his facial expression, which made him difficult to approach as well as how dumb he actually was when it would actually come to him.
With the added fact that Tobio’s experience with “love” wasn’t very exciting and rather, disappointing.
Tobio’s first crush was when he was in primary school, on a guy in his class he was close with. So close that even now, Tobio was sure although they were never something, they were also never nothing. They’d been in the same class for four consecutive years and while Tobio played volleyball, his crush played basketball. Sadly after graduating, they had lost contact due to the different schools they applied to. Tobio never confessed and if the guy felt the same, he never made it known to Tobio. Tobio never understood how he would categorise that as he was sure he didn’t even know at the time that he was crushing on this guy. In the end, this guy was simply just someone he knew.
His second crush, however, knew of his feelings and toyed with it. This happened in middle school (which also happened to be Oikawa’s middle school but he was irrelevant at this point, just a person Tobio looked up to) and she was in the class across from him. Tobio accidentally spilled the beans one rainy night and the next thing he knew, her whole entire class teased him about it. Long after not being in contact, she suddenly showed up in his inbox, telling him something about an emergency but when he asked what was up, she simply said that she was dared to do it and he should pay it no mind. Being reduced to just a dare hurt his pride, made him feel like shit and his grandpa taught him that if someone made you feel like one, leave. It just so happened that Tobio left his feelings for her long before that.
So, it was only natural for him to ask if Oikawa was on to funny business.
Although a little more hesitant to say it, Tobio repeated his question. “Who dared you to say that?”
A million and one expressions flashed in Oikawa’s eyes. Tobio never knew someone could be so expressive but when you deal with one Oikawa Tooru, that was proven to be possible. Tobio feared he said something wrong, like what he asked was wrong, but where was the error in protecting your own heart?
“What do you mean ‘who dared you to say that?’” Oikawa looked so crestfallen, it painfully twisted something in his gut.
Ice cream shops were meant to be a happy place but Tobio had never felt so much tension in one before.
“Exactly what I said…” Tobio said in a quiet voice. “Was it Matsukawa-san?”
“Tobio—” and Oikawa let out a long exhale.
“Who even—?” Oikawa looked frustrated, like this was more complicated than he thought it would be and Tobio wasn’t dumb enough to think that it wasn’t.
It was understandable that Oikawa was puzzled. His intentions when he came must have been a hit or run, either he would come home with a trophy or with a strikeout. Tobio was just being cautious, he was still convinced the things that have been going on recently was something he made up in his mind.
Like they were never alone that one night, sitting on swings with hot meat buns to heat up their cold hands. That was the first time Tobio noticed the shifted air between them and when he came to that realisation, it scared him a little. Oikawa made no move that night but the way they danced around each other was a suffocating one. Tobio returned home with incredibly flushed cheeks that wasn’t the result of the cold air hitting his face and it was later than the time he would usually arrive back.
Like they never ran around that empty car park by the beach just as the sun was setting and when he got tired, Tobio’s body was held on so tightly by Oikawa. It was windy so he thought that must’ve been the reason. They had built sandcastles and decorated them with broken sea-shells and strings of stranded seaweed under the first sprinkle of stars in the evening sky. Tobio laughed so hard when he crashed into the ocean waves with Oikawa close behind him and how they almost kissed at the water edge. He let his hopes fly a little then.
Like he didn’t remember what it was like when Oikawa searched for him in the crowd at one of their qualifying tournaments. When Oikawa caught sight of him sitting with Hinata, his face lit up. Not long after, as the game was starting, Oikawa glanced at Tobio and his serve made a point. Tobio’s heart skipped while his brain gave him warnings, and it was as if he heard Oikawa say: “that point was for you”.
In conclusion, Tobio chose to blind and he wanted to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible.
“I…” but Tobio was at a loss for words. He was frightened, hands shaking and if he hadn’t been sitting down, he would have collapsed to the ground.
There was absolutely no way, because nobody had before. It was impossible for someone to have feelings for him because it was always a selfish thought he would have when he lays awake in his bed at midnight, unable to sleep unless he imagined impossible scenarios.
This was a battle between him and himself and he was embarrassed to admit that he was struggling. Tobio who was known to be a prodigy to everything (except, well, English and mathematics and three other subjects) was failing.
“You think I’m lying,” Oikawa pointedly said after a while. The ice cream in his cup was long gone and he was tapping the edge with a little plastic spoon.
“I don’t,” Tobio tried to defend himself, but Oikawa’s raised eyebrow showed that he knew Tobio wasn’t being truthful.
“Okay, I do,” Tobio sighed.
“And to think these past few months made it clear enough that I’m being serious,” Oikawa leaned back on his chair.
Tobio snorted. “It’s kinda hard to tell when you are. You’re never serious.”
“Yeah, well, you’re right,” Oikawa nodded, understanding where Tobio was coming from. “But if I wasn’t… serious, I mean… would I have purposely asked you to sit down and listen?”
“No…”
“Right,” Oikawa waved his spoon at Tobio. “I wouldn’t have crossed to the other side of town just to pick you up from school so we could go here, would I? Behind the backs of your teammates? Even if it meant that I had to sneak out of my own practice and use my extra money for the bus fare?”
“Would I have stolen my sister’s car keys just so we could go to the beach because the last time you’ve been to one was when you were five? Even if I was still on a learner’s permit? Would I have stayed with you in that park in the dark for hours just so that you won’t be alone waiting for your sister to come home from work? Even if I was scared of the dark? Because I was scared shitless, Tobio-chan, serious. You made it better by being there and it was a miracle I survived my way back home. Anything, if it’s for you, I would.”
Guilt was starting to creep on Tobio’s back and as soon as Oikawa realised this, he waved his hands frantically. “Don’t be like that! It was all on me!”
“Sorry.”
“Point is, if I wasn’t bothered then why would I be here?
Tobio shrugged. “I don’t know… maybe because this whole thing is one big scheme to get my guard down and distract me?
“No! Why would I do that!?” Oikawa shrieked in horror.
“Your reputation precedes you, you know…” Tobio muttered, drawing flowers with his fingertips on the tabletop.
“Sure I might be an asshole sometimes, Iwa-chan says so, but I’m not that much of an asshole!” Oikawa knew what “reputation” Tobio was referring to. “I don’t know most of those girls, if you were wondering. Iwa-chan calls it ‘fan-service’ or something. I just don’t want to be a dick.”
“So they’re just random girls?”
“Just random girls,” Oikawa assured him, even though he didn’t need to. Tobio knew from the time they got to know each other more lately that Oikawa would never lie to him, but he can never be sure.
Tobio was starting to believe Oikawa.
“So… what you’re saying is that it’s not… a dare?” Tobio asked one more time, “like, are you sure? How can I trust you?”
The young volleyballer almost (keyword: almost!!) got his heart stolen when Oikawa clapped both his hands on Tobio’s cheeks. The immediate blush on his cheeks was embarrassing and he didn’t even know what to do with his hands. Worse, when he tried to look elsewhere but at Oikawa, the hands on his cheeks made sure he wasn’t able to turn his head.
“Look at me. Tell me I’m lying when I say it’s not.”
How could he!? When he was that close!? Tobio couldn’t even think , how was he supposed to say something!?
When Tobio looked down, he felt taps on his cheeks, as if forbidding him to do that.
Oikawa sighed, dropping his hands to cup Tobio’s chin and lowering his head. Tobio was sure he heard a quiet scream of frustration from the boy in front of him.
The next time Oikawa raised his head, he made sure to look right into Tobio’s soul. “Just in case I haven’t been any clearer… just to get through this dense brain of yours — I like you, Tobio. No dares, no challenges. I just do.”
It was a miracle that Oikawa’s hands didn’t burn because of how heated Tobio’s cheeks got as a response, as if it wasn’t warm already.
“So it’s okay for me to be selfish if it’s you?” Tobio gulped in an attempt to ground himself, trying not to let himself fly too soon.
“Yes! What the fuck? Of course!”
“You’re not going to go around telling everyone about this? And let them make fun of me?”
Oikawa opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself. He tilted his head to think. “Well, it depends but I definitely wouldn’t let people make fun of you! I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that.”
Tobio eyed him suspiciously.
“Look, what I mean is, the decision is up to you but I was really hoping that I’d come home finally being able to call you my boyfriend, because actually, despite what Makki says about me, I’m kind of an observant person so I’d be dumb if I didn’t know there was something between us. I’m just shooting my shot, if I have one.”
“I’m scared,” Tobio finally admitted, “are you really sure? Because I’m just me.”
“I swear to God, Tobio, I wouldn’t go this far if you were just you.”
Before this moment, Tobio always believed that there was no such thing as finding comfort in someone’s gaze, that all the romance books were lying and they’re all delusional. Now, Oikawa’s eyes were like a warm hug, a gentle chocolate with fondness whenever they landed on him. Tobio thought of all the times he tried to figure out the emotions behind them and now, he finally understood.
When Oikawa bought them meat buns that night, it was because he knew Tobio was hungry and he didn’t like being cold. Now, meat buns were a definition of care. When Oikawa insisted that they look for a quieter beach, it was because he knew that if there had been a lot of people, Tobio would have stuck to sitting on the sand. Now, empty beaches meant affection. Everything else Oikawa did in between all that, even the smallest things like remembering that Tobio didn’t like going out on a run without eating a specific brand of chocolate beforehand, now meant it would be breaking scientific laws to say Oikawa wasn’t truthful.
So, Tobio slowly let himself bask in Oikawa’s presence, finally starting to make peace with his own feelings.
“Good,” he started, “because I guess, for the record, nobody dared me to say I like you too, too.”