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This world worked a little differently.
Out of the many realities that existed out there in the universe, this one worked in a specific way, especially about the matters of love and relationships. Nobody really knew how these realities came to be, or if it was even possible to create one. Some theorized that there existed an alternate reality, one which didn't have this system of soulmates; where the same pairs of people probably found each other in different ways.
There were theories about a certain Book, which could be used to navigate the pages of many realities that made up the vast, unknown universe.
In this one, every human received a picture of their fated soulmate in the mail, on the very day they turned sixteen.
It was definitely strange, to say the least. Such a thing has been going on for as long as one could remember, and yet nobody really knew how it worked. Who sent the pictures? Who took the pictures? Who decided the pairs of soulmates? How did they decide that? Did they have a reason for matching up two specific people together?
There were so many questions, and yet so few people who could even attempt to answer them.
For a while there, the scientists and other geniuses theorized that it was actually the government who sent out the mails. It wouldn't be too strange if the government had a special department for such things, would it? They had the ultimate power in a country, after all. They also had information about every single person that resided on their territory. Weren't they fully capable of carrying out such a thing?
But despite these accusation, Japan's government time and time again refused to own up to being the masterminds behind the soulmate system. They didn't know how it worked, themselves. They'd tried multiple times, to trace the sender of the mails, but to no avail.
After much trial and error, all public theorizing was put to an end for a while. It didn't really matter how it was happening, as long it was happening and it worked out for everyone. Well, at the very least, the designated soulmates ended up working out for most people.
Almost everyone chose to build romantic relationships with their soulmates. It just worked best that way, apparently. Others chose to stay friends with them, but somehow ended up being romantically involved with them anyway, at some point. It was really funny how fate worked sometimes.
But well, it was all about a soulmate, after all. Someone who is supposed to know and understand you better than anyone else. Someone you can trust with your life. Someone who can be your partner.
Despite most people believing in such things, Dazai Osamu was most definitely not one of those people. As if some random picture in the mail could decide his partner, of all things! Wasn't that just the little shorty who he worked with? That feisty redhead who screamed profanities even if things went his way?
There was no way Dazai would accept anybody else as his soulmate or partner or whatever. No, there was just one of those for him. After all, Chuuya did the lose the bet and (reluctantly) agree to being his dog for life.
Weren't they tied together anyway?! There was no way Dazai could have someone else as a soulmate. That was just disgusting.
Besides, he was positive that he wouldn't get a picture in the mail anyway. After all, he didn't live in a regular house. Shipping containers on toxic grounds don't have mailboxes. Hence, there was no way somebody could send him a picture via post, of all things. Other than that, Dazai was pretty sure that this system of soulmates was for humans. Clearly, he wasn't one of them.
But Chuuya was different. Chuuya was human, see? There was no way pretty, wonderful Chuuya wouldn't have an equally wonderful soulmate. He must have one, and Dazai was sure that Chuuya's soulmate would be someone who'd be capable of treating him gently, with utmost love and care. Since there was no way Dazai could have a soulmate, it was certain that he wouldn't be Chuuya's soulmate.
After all, that little slug deserved much better, of course.
But still, Dazai was selfish. Even if for a little longer, he would like to prolong Chuuya's acceptance to having someone else as a partner. Someone that was not Dazai. A soulmate, that would never be him. And because he was selfish in his perfectly flawed ways, Dazai came up with this little ruse.
-
Two months ago
It was a day before Chuuya's birthday. His sixteenth, that is. That hatrack refused to accept that it was his birthday tomorrow, sprouting some bullshit about how there was no way his life was that long. After all, it has just been eight years since he first opened his eyes.
In the most humane way possible, Chuuya doubted his humanity. But wasn't that just so unnecessary and stupid? There was no way Chuuya wasn't a human of all people. He was gentle, and kind. Even as one in the mafia, his kindness knew no bounds. Chuuya was a good person, so there was no way any celestial beings would be as cruel as to dub him as inhumane.
And if by any chance, that did happen, Dazai would beat up any celestial beings that needed reprimand. After all, he already had a hand over that shitty god, Arahabaki. Dazai was positive that there were no other gods shittier than that guy.
But despite his very firm beliefs regarding this matter, it wasn't easy convincing Chuuya of this. Which is exactly why, Yokohama's Deadliest Duo were sitting in the shorter half's living room, conversing very seriously about this.
Chuuya huffed rather quietly, "I'm telling you, it's not my real birthday tomorrow. Are you forgetting I'm not even human in the first place?"
Firm to his point, Dazai stated, "And I'm telling you there's no way you aren't! It's definitely your birthday tomorrow, and you'll definitely receive the soulmate pictures in the mail."
The older of the duo glared, "And how do you know that?"
"Call it a genius' intuition."
Chuuya snorted, "What genius. You're just an annoying bastard, shitty Dazai."
Dazai retorted immediately, "And you're just a silly slug! But even silly little chibi slugs like you have soulmates, so don't worry. Partner."
Chuuya rolled his eyes, "Shut up. You're so disgusting. Well, whatever. Even if I do get the soulmate picture, I'm no hurry to see them."
And of course, there was no way that a genius like Dazai wouldn't take such an obvious bait. Eyes twinkling, he very casually suggested, "Ne Chuuya, if that's the case then; you should let me hold on to your soulmate picture envelope."
The other raised his eyebrows in suspicion, "Huh? What's this about?"
Dazai explained, properly sparkling now, "You said you're in no hurry to find your soulmate. So I'll hold on to your envelope till my birthday, when I receive my soulmate picture too. And then we can open the envelopes together."
Chuuya stared at his rival a few seconds, regarding him with suspicious eyes, "It's just two months, so I guess it's fine. You won't lose it on purpose, will you?"
Dazai gasped dramatically, "How could you ever think that, Chuuya! I would never let my beloved doggie's soulmate envelope get lost. Even if I bet Chuuya's soulmate is going to be super ugly."
The redhead snorted, "Yet something tells me that they are going to be better than you."
And well, if that sentence stung Dazai in places he kept most vulnerable, that was just his business. There was no way he would let Chuuya find out. After all, he just had two more months. Two more months till he himself turned sixteen. Then, he'd have to tell Chuuya that he wasn't human, and there was no way he would be getting a soulmate picture.
Chuuya would then probably find his soulmate, and the two of them would live happily every after. For that little chibi's sake, Dazai seriously hoped that his soulmate weren't that Shirase guy or that Yuan girl. That pink-haired bitch got on Dazai's every last nerve when they met that one time, really.
Noticing that his shitty partner was still very silent, Chuuya spoke again, "Anyway. We'll see tomorrow. If I do get the envelope, you can hold on to it till your birthday. Move your ass now. Let's go play Mario Kart."
Dazai said nothing, except laughing a little as he followed his partner to the gaming console. But it was safe to say that his brain was working overtime.
-
As expected, the day after that incident, it had indeed been Chuuya's birthday. When the morning of April 29th had rolled around, the infamous duo had woken up in the older's living room. Clearly, they had passed out while gaming the night before.
Sure enough, when they had gone and checked Chuuya's mailbox, there had been a single brown envelope, addressed in block letters. Obviously written with a typewriter, the words "Soulmate Picture" and Chuuya's name above it, gave away the purpose of the envelope all too well.
As decided previously, Dazai had immediately taken the envelope into his own custody. Chuuya had snickered at how fast Dazai had been, to take it away, but he hadn't said anything else. He had just mused aloud, as to how he was really so surprised that he did end up getting an envelope. That was all that was said, before the two of them went about their day, making their way to the Port Mafia building, ready to start on a long day of missions.
That was almost two months ago. See, today happened to be Dazai's birthday, as he was sure Chuuya knew too. The latter had yet to know about where exactly Dazai lived. Considering that Dazai was at that chibi's place most of the time, it had never been a very obvious question to ask him about where he really lived.
But well, it wasn't really a proper house that Dazai lived in. Lining up with his predictions perfectly, when the genius woke up that morning, in his own home for a change, he failed to find any soulmate envelopes in his near vicinity. That was all too expected, of course.
But now, all there was left to do was for him to take Chuuya's soulmate envelope to him, and let him know that Dazai really wasn't a human as he'd suspected. It just made sense that he wouldn't have a soulmate. That was, after all, a human thing to have and cherish.
Yet, such important plans of his were completely ruined when he finally made it to Chuuya's place.
As soon as Dazai stepped foot into the all too familiar apartment, he was greeted by his partner, who was busy cooking in the kitchen. Chuuya took one look at him, before grinning wide, "Happy Birthday, shithead."
Laughing out loud, Dazai went over and took a seat at the kitchen table, "Ah, thank you, Chuuya. Ne, do you have presents for me?"
The other stared pointedly at the skillet in front of him, "I'm making you pancakes, aren't I?" Then, turning around to grab something from the kitchen counter, he threw the item at his partner, "Also, there you go. This showed up in my mailbox today morning for some reason."
For a few seconds, Dazai said nothing, instead choosing to stare at the item he'd just been given. There was no way that this was right. This wasn't supposed to happen at all. This went against all his many predictions, and wasn't that just unreal? There was no way that any of Dazai's predictions were wrong!
Yet, for some reason, Dazai was currently holding a familiar brown envelope. Except this one had his name on it, along with the words "Soulmate Picture" in that same font as on Chuuya's envelope.
Still holding on to the envelope helplessly, he turned to his partner, "I wasn't supposed to be a human."
Chuuya didn't bother to face him, "You are, though."
"But I wasn't supposed to be."
"That's just your opinion. It's not important. I've always considered you as human."
Dazai stared at the envelope in his hand before speaking up once again, "I have a soulmate too."
This time, Chuuya turned around so he could look at him properly before smiling, "You do. You have my envelope too, ne? Give me that. Shall we open it now?"
Handing over his very cute rival's envelope, Dazai swallowed nervously, "You open yours first."
Chuuya raised his eyebrows, "Not at the same time? That's boring. You open yours too, but you don't have to show me immediately, alright?"
Dazai couldn't really say anything to that. After all, it had been his idea that the two of them open their envelopes together. Even if that was back when Dazai was so sure that there was no way he'd ever have such a human thing like a soulmate.
Over the next minute, Double Black took their time to carefully open up their soulmate envelopes. Chuuya was the first one of them to pull out the glossy picture out of the envelope. He took one look at it, before bursting into genuine laughter.
Turning to his partner, he spoke, "Huh, looks like you were right. My soulmate is in fact super ugly."
Dazai blinked, "Um...?"
Chuuya added, "And I'll also tell you this right now, shitty Dazai. Your soulmate is going to be super fucking hot."
Dazai blinked some more, "How do you know that?"
The redhead rolled his eyes before leaning over and kissing the top of the other's head, "Take a look at your picture too, bastard."
Wordlessly, Dazai carefully pulled out what was supposed to be a picture of his soulmate. Sure enough, Chuuya wasn't wrong. Dazai's soulmate was, in fact, super fucking hot. After all, it was a picture of Chuuya himself.
That slug's hair vibrant red as usual, and his hands tucked away in his pockets, he looked all too happy in the picture that Dazai was now positive belonged to him.
For a few seconds, he said nothing. Then he looked at Chuuya, voice indignant, "Did you just call me super ugly! That's so rude, Chuuya!"
His now soulmate burst out laughing immediately, "I'm just affirming your predictions! You were right, you see?"
Dazai pouted, "That's untrue! You're so mean, Chuuya. That is no way to treat your soulmate."
Chuuya sighed exaggeratedly, yet his face betraying utmost fondness, "I can't believe I'm stuck with the likes of you for the rest of my life."
Dazai deflated all at once, "You don't have to-"
As expected of little chibi hatracks, Chuuya cut him off at once, "Shut the fuck up with that bullshit. I want to be stuck with your super bastard self for the lest of my life. In case you've failed to notice, shitty Dazai, I've been in love with you for a while now."
Dazai blinked in disbelief, "Excuse me?"
Chuuya repeated, his voice monotone, "I'm in love with you. Have been for a while. Congrats on failing to notice, genius."
Of course, Dazai complained, "How was I supposed to notice! There was no way!"
After Chuuya stared at him down for a good two minutes, the so-called genius finally relented, "It's mutual already. Stop glaring at me. I l-"
Looking away firmly, he settled on, "I feel the same for you."
His rival snickered some more, "Thank you very much. That aside, these pancakes are going to go cold."
Dazai huffed, "Well then you should serve them already."
As expected, Chuuya smacked him in the arm, "And I'm already trying to do that, you asshole."
This led to another round of furious bickering, as usual. But well, if during eating said pancakes, Yokohama's Devastating Rivals sat down together a little closer than usual, that was different. If Dazai was less hesitant to rest his head upon his rival's arm, that was different too.
And if after having finished breakfast, Chuuya leaned over to gently kiss a certain pet fish, that was something straight out of another of those many realities.
And if they were finally partners in every way possible, and would continue to be so forever, that was something that belonged to every reality in the Book of universes.