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"What's up? Over," Lucas said, voice staticky.
"Can I come over?" Mike paused, trying to even out his breath. "Uhm, I need to te-talk to you. Over."
"Are you okay? Is something wrong? Over."
"Nothing's wrong... Can I come over or not? Over."
"Yeah, sure, over."
"Over and out."
He had to go out his window, something he hasn't done before, but will probably make a habit of. Ever since the town-wide hunt, for him and all the other " freaks," Mrs. Wheeler has felt... anxious about letting him out (especially after dark.)
Mike was scared, is scared. But it's not about a stupid Dungeons and Dragons club. It's about what this town thinks about him. Something deep and insistent in his mind tells him that they know. they know, Mike. Sometimes he can't push it away.
But right now, he was more scared about his mom seeing him through the window. He sits on the edge of the roof and very clumsily slides off and falls on the grass.
"How the fuck did Steve sneak in here every night?" Mike whispers, to himself, wiping his hands off on his dew-soaked jeans.
He crouches down and ducks under the windows, tripping a few times, until finally he reached the front of the house where his bike is. He grabbed the handlebars and walked to the end of the driveway and hopped on.
Mike has always been referred to as the Brave Paladin, known as loyal, protective, and a bit of a jerk (if you ask Max.) Recently, he hasn't felt brave, or loyal, or all that protective. He starting to think Max was right, maybe he is a jerk. A jerk who pushes people away and can't protect his friends. He hears that voice again. It is his fault he keeps losing people. Friends and otherwise. Insistently his mind tells him he's not good enough, that he's a nobody. Sometimes he lets himself think that.
He lets himself drift to thinking about what he's going to say to Lucas. About what he might respond with, how he'll react. Lucas is his best friend. He used to say Will was, before he figured out their relationship was different. Way different. Lucas never made his palms sweat or his heart race. It was something else, he knew that now.
He thought about this on this short bike ride over to Lucas', soaking up the moonlight, and the sounds of late June cicadas. He silently wished he was with Will. Sneaking out late to just hang out at Castle Byers and look at the stars. Will liked to find constellations and Mike could never tell the difference between them or connect any of the stars, but he liked to hear him talk. He felt his heart ache.
Mike slid into the driveway, and hopped off his bike, proud that he didn't trip over himself. He knocked on the Sinclair's door. The lights were on, and Mrs. Sinclair was always a happy to see him. (He likes to think he's her favorite out of all the boys in the party.)
The door yanked open. Mike lowered his gaze, and there was Erica, lollipop in her mouth.
Mike stood there awkwardly before asking, "Can I come in?" His mom taught him some manners.
She looked him over, and he was worried he'd be met with a sarcastic comment, but no, "Lucas know you're here?"
Mike nodded.
She opened the door more and stepped to the side. "You may enter, Paladin."
He smiled. "Thank you, m'lady," he said with a short bow.
As Erica closed the door, he hastily unties his dirty converses (remembering how in the 4th grade Mrs. Sinclair got mad at him and Lucas for tracking mud through the house. He hasn't been to the Sinclair's in a while, but he still remembers.)
Lucas comes down the hall as he finishes wrenching his shoes off.
"Hey," Mike says, standing up, somewhat, straight.
Lucas looked at him sideways. "I'm sorta surprised you made it."
"Why?" Mike asked, confused.
"I was half expecting a radio ten minutes later, complaining about your 'psycho' mom and how you have a curfew or whatever."
Mike snorted. "Yeah, I do."
"Wait, seriously?" Lucas looked shocked.
"Yeah, I snuck out. She's still freaked about the... man-hunt," Mike explained, avoiding eye-contact, gesturing vaguely.
Lucas nodded, Mike doesn't think he wants to talk about it either. "So... what did you need to tell me?"
Mike looked around. Erica in the dining room to his left and Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair on the living room couch to his right. "Can we-"
"Yeah," He nodded and started down the hall, towards his room.
Mike followed, trying to breathe. In (1, 2, 3) and out (1, 2, 3.) It's just Lucas it's just Lucas. The guy that fell off Max's skateboard, chipped his tooth, and cried for like a half hour, then claimed it didn't hurt. Your best friend since the first grade. Him and Dustin used to collect bugs until one day they broke containment and Ms. Henderson freaked. He won't hurt you. He wouldn't even hurt that very aggressive grasshopper.
"So?" They we're in Lucas' room, door closed.
Mike came to. "Sorry, zoned out."
Lucas furrowed his brow. "Is it about the Upside Down? Vecna?"
That got Mike to freeze, his blood ran cold. "No, not him."
Mike didn't like this new idea of an intellectual monster. Someone who could actually get inside his head, that could know him. He didn't need that right now.
"You sure? You look pretty scared right now."
Mike started pacing. "Alright, look, you cannot tell anyone."
Lucas took the hint to sit down. "I promise, I won't tell anyone, as long as it's not involving alternate dimensions, we're good."
Mike gave him a look and then continued pacing. Do not chicken out now.
"You know me and El broke up, but I didn't tell you why," Mike started. "It's because she knows I don't love her like that. I never have."
He paused, to gauge Lucas' reaction, who looked like he was listening, nothing about his demeanor changed, besides being a bit confused. Great start.
"I think, at twelve years old, I latched on to the first girl that wasn't weirded out by me. I... felt like she had to be 'the one' or something. I felt so pressured to like her. Everyone; Nancy, Dustin, you, thought that I liked her, so I kissed her to prove a point to myself...and to other people now that I think about it."
God, he totally sees what Robin means by word vomit. As soon as he starts rambling, he cannot stop. "A point that, I did like girls. I had to, I liked El. It was my first...'crush,' turned into my first girlfriend. I never told anyone how weird it was. It was awkward and uncomfortable a lot of the time, but I thought that's just how it was supposed to be. That it was normal. And," Mike took a breath. "I didn't know it was changing me... you know? Making me act differently. Until that stupid fucking fight with Will last summer. I... said things I couldn't take back. They weren't even about him; they were about me."
Mike felt himself getting choked up, and he bit the inside of his cheek. "I felt him pulling away from me after that. And it's been hell. For a while, I thought it was because he knew."
He stopped pacing and focused back on Lucas. He just stared at him, still confused. Mike hears it again. Knew what, Mike? What does he know? Say it.
"I'm gay," he said, a sort of finality to it. He didn't say, I think, or maybe. Mike knows now.
Lucas stood up as Mike started to cry (he tried so hard to blink back the tears.)
Mike had forgot that Lucas was their Ranger; intuitive and oh, so caring. He hugged Mike. Fully wrapped his arms around him as Mike cried. That voice was gone.
Mike inhales deep and exhaled a shuddering breath. Then suddenly, Lucas pulled back, both hands gripping each of Mike's shoulders.
"You know you're my best friend, right? No matter what," Lucas said, serious.
Mike sniffled and laughed as he wiped his tears away. "Yeah, I guess I forgot."
"Well, try to remember. I'm here for you."
Something about that made Mike breathe a little easier. He felt safe.
"Yeah, I'll try."
Lucas dropped his arms, now wearing a more playful expression. "So... you and Will?"
Mike buried his face in his hands and groaned "Is it that obvious?"
"Totally, " Lucas said grinning ear to ear. "Like I said, you're hopeless."
Mike went and flopped on Lucas's bed on his back. "I don't know what to do," he said staring at the ceiling, filled with those sticky stars. He thinks about Will pointing up at the night sky and tracing the Big Dipper for him when they were 10. "He's the first person I've ever loved. I don't wanna fuck it up."
Lucas sat on the bed beside him. "I know what you mean. Max is like that for me, I get scared of losing her because I know she pushes people away to hide her pain... so they don't get too close and so she doesn't get too attached," He took a pause. "You know, you and Max are a lot more alike than you think."
Mike wanted to scrunch his nose up at that. He really did. But, knowing what she went through, and still goes through, resonates with him. There are times when she says things that remind him of himself. It sort of scares him, but it's also reassuring. He finds comfort in being able to relate to her. (Mike would never say some corny shit like that to her though.)
"I think you should just talk to him," Lucas said. Mike gave him a look. "No, I'm serious, what could go wrong?"
"A lot of things could go wrong, Lucas," Mike rolled his eyes. "Number 1 being me saying the wrong thing again. Number 2 being I get rejected-"
"You really think Will would reject you?"
"Do you have reason to believe he wouldn't? "
"If I figured out you liked Will before you came out, I think I could know that Will likes you after he came out."
There's silence. And then. "You think so?" Mike sat up. Lucas has never been wrong before. About...anything really.
It was Lucas's turn to give him a look. "He looks at you like you hung the moon."
Ironic, because Mike always looked at Will like he was the sun. Bright, too bright, sometimes you have to look away but reliable to a fault, you can't help but to love his warmth.
"Can- can I use your walkie?"
Lucas shrugged and reached over to the dresser and grabbed it. "Here."
Mike mumbled his thanks and switched to him and Will's channel. "Hey, Will? Over."
Lucas shot him a confused look. Mike made a shush-ing motion.
"Hey, Mike. Need something? Over."
"No, I just... wanted to know if you wanted to go ... I dunno, hang out? Over."
Lucas rubbed his temples. Hopeless, He mouthed.
"Uh, sure? It's like ten at night, though. Where are we going? Over."
"Remember when you used to show me the constellations at Castle Byers? I kinda felt like doing that again. Over."
"Spontaneously? Over."
"Yes, spontaneously. I just want to do something... with you. Over."
"Oh, " There was silence for a minute. "Okay. Meet you in the woods? Over."
"Yeah, see you in a few. Over and out."
Mike turned to Lucas. "I have no clue how I just did that."
"Looks like Wheeler just scored himself a date!" Lucas said, proudly patting him on the back.
"Calm down, I am not your basketball friends," Mike said rubbing his back.
"I barely touched you."
"Whatever," Mike rolled his eyes. "Anyways, it's not a date. We used to do this stuff all the time."
"If it's not a date then invite me," Lucas said crossing his arms. "What if I wanna look at the stars?"
"I literally just told him it's just gonna be me and him. No take-backs."
"What are we? Seven?"
Mike had no comeback to that whatsoever so he simply said: "Oh, would you look at the time. I ought to be on my merry way."
He rushed out of Lucas's room, fully aware that he was on his heels. He's 90% sure the only reason he beats Lucas to the door is because Erica intercepted them. "Lucas! have you seen my crayons?" "No- why would I have seen your crayons? Aren't they in your room?" "Usually, but I left them on the table last night." "Then go ask Mom! Why would I touch your crayons?" "Ugh. No help."
By the time they finish their sibling spat, Mike has hastily tied his shoes and opened the door. He tripped a bit down the steps, caught himself on his bike, and hopped on.
"Have fun stargazing!" Lucas yelled after him. Mike flipped him off as he made kissy noises.
Mike pedals down the street, heart racing. Both from running and the thought of seeing Will under the pretty moonlight. He pedals faster even though he's out of breath. He thinks about laying in the grass with Will, close enough so their hands brush every once in a while, and being close enough to see Will's eyelashes flutter. He craves and he yearns.
Maybe he is brave after all.