Chapter Text
There were many things about Karen Wheeler that people did not know or understand. She liked it that way. She thought giving herself the presentation of a nice, perfect, respectable girl in college was for the best . She wanted to leave everything about her past self behind.
She left Derry and she left Karen, no she left Ren Tozier behind . She kept Karen. Karen was a respectable girl who got into a comfortable marriage with Ted wheeler. The woman who had three children and lived the life of a housewife. That was what society wanted, that was what Ted wanted. Ted wouldn't have wanted Ren. The girl who had the mouth of a sailor and the personality to match it. The spunky girl who smelled of Marlboro cigarettes and cheap vanilla. Ren was the girl who was always talking back. The girl who was always joking around and gave less of a shit to what anyone around her had to say about her and the way she was.
She knew Ted didn't want Ren. Because when Richie visited, or when he heard the phone calls Karen was Ren again. She didn't act with Richie. Why would she? Ted would always give her that look. The look that she hated . It made her feel like a child being scolded. He was always hostile towards Richie.
Richie started visiting less and less as years went on. Especially when the kids were born. Ted thought he was a bad influence .
It always made her upset but she always tried to voice it but it only led to a bigger argument, especially because anger caused her to slip up in the way she acted. God forbid what kind of mother Ted would think of her if she acted like Ren, like herself.
That's one of the things she regrets. Marrying a man who only loves her for the woman she makes herself be. It’s hard to not think of the life she could have had. The love she could have had. But she loves Ted. Because he gave her three of the most important things in her life. Nancy, Mike, and Holly.
But still she can't help but let her mind wander to what could have happened, if Mike Hanlon and her hadn't have had that falling out before she left for college. If She hadn't decided to give up the love of her life for the life her parents wanted for her. For the life others wanted her to have. The Mike who loved her for who she was.
She hid a box deep in her closet. In that box lay a small box. The engagement ring Mike Hanlon had asked her to marry him with that summer before college. She let fear get the best of her. Mike never asked for the ring back.
A box that carried so many photos and random things from her youth. So many old pictures of her and the losers club. Her memory was always hazy surrounding how they all became so close. Something deep in her stomach churned like it always did, thinking of Derry or her childhood, always subconsciously rubbing the scar on her hand or the scar on her shoulder. The scar that she tells people is from an incident with a dog. When in actuality she herself doesn't even know where it came from.
It was the summer of 1986 when the nightmares started again and when Richie came for his first visit in over a decade. Karen told him of the murders that happened in the spring trying to make him not want to come. She said she could come for a visit herself. But he refused. Saying he wanted to see her and his nieces and nephew, if she (Ted) would allow it. She missed Richie with all her heart. She couldn't bring herself to say no. It was after the phone call before dinner she told Ted they would be having a visitor for the summer.
It was at dinner that she cleared her throat, “I have some news.”
All the kids' heads turned towards her. Nancy blurted out without thinking, “You're not pregnant again are you?”
Ted choked on his water.
And Mike let out a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough.
“God no, Nancy! Where on earth would you ever get that idea?”
“Cause the last time you announced it it was at the dinner table!”
“Well I'm very well, not. I was going to say that your uncle Richie was coming this summer.”
Holly looked confused, “Uncle Richie?”
Ted spoke glumly, “Your mothers brother, sweetheart.”
Nancy and Mike shared a look. They knew of their fathers distaste for their mothers brother. They thought he was funny and didn't mind him. Ted didn't like it that Karen let him talk to them over the phone every so often. And how he sent cards on holidays as well as small gifts sometimes for Christmas and such.
“He's the one that sent you those hair clips for your Christmas this year that you love. And the cards every so often.” Karen spoke with a soft smile.
***
It was later that night when Mike and Nancy were putting away the dishes they overheard the conversation that was happening in the living room and leaned around the corner to see what was going on.
“I don't see why you're having him stay here! And why he's coming in the first place, you know I don't like him around the kids.”
Their mom looked so upset. They’ve never seen her look like that before truly,
“Because he is my brother, Ted. My brother! And I haven't seen him in person for practically a decade. A fucking decade Ted! And why the hell do you not want him around the kids. He is nothing but nice. Mike and Nancy seem to not fucking mind him!”
Ted looked upset as he stood up from his seat on the couch, “You know why. And don’t fucking curse at me.”
Karen didn't back down. Instead she made herself stand taller, “Tell me Ted, please. Why ?”
“Because he’s a fucking fa-”
Karen's jaw clenched,her hand shot out to point at Ted, “Don't you fucking finish that sentence Ted. Or I swear the fucking god. He is my brother. I do not want you doing or talking shit when he is here.”
Ted walked forwards grabbing Karen’s wrist in his hand tightly, “Don’t fucking talk to me like that. You're gonna do what huh?”
Karen had a tear running down her face, “ Get your Fucking hands off me .” It was at that point that Karen saw them from around the corner,
“ The kids are in the kitchen. Can we finish this conversation later.”
Ted let her wrist fall from his grip. And stomped up the steps to go upstairs.
Karen wiped the tears from her face and cleared her throat,
“I know you guys are in there.”
They turned the corner. Nancy was the first to speak once again that night.
“Mom…are you alright?”
She gave them a small smile, “It's nothing honey. You guys… just head up to bed. Alright? His temper just got the best of him.” Karen tried to ignore the burning in the back of her throat and the tears trying to fall from her eyes.
They could hear it in her voice. The way it crackled and got higher pitched between words. They knew it wasn't alright. But they didn't know what to say or do so they went up to bed.
***
Nancy came into Mike's room and sat on his bed.
“I don’t think I've ever heard mom curse so much.”, He mumbled. “ I don't know why she puts up with it. All the fighting and just..him”
Nancy looked at him and chewed on her cheek,”I know something. I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone.”
Mike rolled his eyes, “okay..”
Nancy and her mother had a lot more in common than they like to think, which is partially why it is so easy for Nancy to analyze her own mother.
“It's because of the comfort-ability. He gave her the picture perfect life and she's too scared of what will happen if she gives it up.
You know she has a degree that she would like to do something with. I don't know how to word it, but she told me about it. She wanted to be an investigator or something.
And she went to college where she met dad and got all her aspirations flushed down the toilet to become what he wanted her to be.” Nancy paused, and let out a breath.
“She told me to not let that happen to me. She was all like don't settle for what other people want for you or expect of you. Don't settle on the things or people you want in your life. She wanted to be the one to believe others to uncover the truths. Don't be like him, don't be like her either.”
Mike looked shocked, “What?”
Nancy and Mike were also more alike..but they avoided it like it's a disease.
They both know they can read each other well.
But at the same time you can't, unless the other person slips up.
Because that's another thing they have highly in common : if they don't want someone to know something, then that person or anyone for that fact won't know it.
Nancy got up to leave his room, “You know what. Settling makes no one happy in the end. You don't want to be like them. In a loveless marriage with a bunch of shit you wanted to do but never did.”
When Nancy left, all Mike could think about was what she had said. He doesn't know how she knows but she knows.
***
When Karen walked up to bed that night she saw Ted with a bag. Packing. She stood stiffly at the door. She really didn't want to have another argument. She rubbed her wrist that had a bruise forming. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. It wasn't often. It wasn't like he abused her. His anger just got the best of him sometimes and he’d grab her a little harder than he meant to and it left a mark. He had slapped her a few times when she got a little mouthy. He always apologized.
He always did.
Ted noticed her at the door. His eyes softened, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have grabbed your arm like that.”
He apologized…as he always does.
“It’s okay. I know you didn't mean it.” she said. When did she get like this? Letting a man do this and not having the guts to stand up for herself more. She knew this would happen again and again, and he would apologize again…and again. And she forgives him. Just like that. Because he was her husband. He was her kids' father.
“What are you doing?”
Ted stopped to look at Karen. “The company wanted someone this summer to go to the office in California for some business. They offered a while ago and I declined but I decided to reconsider. I leave tomorrow morning. I'll be back in late August."
“This isn't because of Richie coming to town? Is it?” she knew it was but she still asked.
Ted came closer. Karen took a step back. Ted let out a sigh,“I'm sorry, I just…I think it's best if I leave while he is here.”
“Okay.” she said bluntly, walking past him to the bathroom. She wasn't in the mood to continue talking with him, she didn't have it in her.
She stepped out of her clothes and into the hot shower.
She put her head against the shower wall letting the water cover her completely. The smell of the rusty metal, she really needed to get on with deep deep cleaning. But nothing she tried has worked- Suddenly an image flashed into her mind. A bloody bathroom. The greenish tiles and floor were covered in blood . Just as fast as the image appeared in her mind it left. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding in.
Her hand reached up to her shoulder, rubbing circles on the skin there. Feeling the thick scar tissue of the old
bite mark.