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This is what his life had led up to, crashing in a damn motel after at least 3 nights without sleep with a maniac clown who screwed up his one job of booking the suite, while he tried to create a cover-up before the police found the truth.
If you want something done then you have to do it yourself, well that’s what got him there in the first place: a slip-up, not by him of course, but a lacky, an outsider too unorganised, so much in fact that in the end it was luck that fuelled his success. It had been a while since a true opponent had risen, he’d become lazy and that just wouldn’t do. Of course there was a plan B, and a plan C at that, others were guaranteed to mess up no matter how many threats were made, whose lives were on the line, but mistakes didn’t come without a cost, in this case it meant a change in location from the desolate but practical warehouse to a safe house around 700 miles away (although he planned for mistakes didn’t happen often) and Fyodor being no marathon runner had to try and get there.
The message came through at 2:48am. Immediately Fyodor had grabbed his laptop, cash and a knife, subtle but sharp. He was gone by 2:50am, but not before setting up a makeshift explosive as he left just to make sure nothing could be tracked back to him.
***
He ran fast as his stupidly frail body could take him, internally berating himself for it being so far away despite knowing logically that it was as close as it could be without raising questions. He could feel the heat behind him spurring him on until he got to the side of the road where he slowed to a brisk jog just enough to keep adrenaline pumping, keep him alert for signs of being followed.
As the sky darkened Fyodor lifted the hood of his cloak so that it almost covered his face without obscuring vision and began the waiting game as he thought it soon began to rain it fell in icy sheets although he was dry it didn’t stop the chill of the night seeping into his bones.
Cars passed ignoring the ghostly silhouette, but that was for the best, his eyes were scanning number plates lists of candidates to hijack, it couldn’t be too new no that would raise suspicions on how he acquired such a model but also not so old that it would fail on him.
Bingo.
Around 15 seconds away a black Mercedes was heading towards him, the driver was a man in his late 40s, almost definitely single as no person would keep such an ordinary car so pristine, it was 3am by now perhaps he was back from a night out, tipsy even -unless the cold sobered him up- but in this rain anything could happen.. no that could damage the car. Instead he went for his first idea. He stood up from the curb he had been perched on and waved with any energy he had left 10 seconds it wasn't working, phase two: he ran into the road against his bodies will against his instincts 5 seconds and a squeal of brakes slowing to a stop barely 6 meters away.
As expected curses and profanities fell out of the drivers mouth slightly slurred while eyebrows furrowed in frustration behind the windscreen and slammed angry fists into the stirring wheel, acting was never his strong suit and he was too tired to pretend to care the headlights were disorientating he walked round to the diver side window and motioned more it to be rolled down after some time it reluctantly was,
"What the f-"
"I need a ride" he might as well get straight to the point he had a feeling this one might not be the most compliant, but he had his ways.
"Why would I do that?" the drink had made him bold then? Oh this would be fun.
Silently, keeping his expression frozen he took the knife from his pocket with one hand and with the other went to grab the drivers hands framed as a desperate plea for help, the other quickly flinched back at the movement Fyodor predicting this had his knife hand poised to strike bringing it to the man's neck,
"It wouldn't kill you to be a bit more selfless, would it?" he whispered pushing the blade's edge further into the skin so much so that small droplets, crimson beads began to form. With his ability it would of ended much sooner but that was messy and unnecessary to use that on such an insignificant being.
"I have a family, I’ll drive you anywhere you want-" what a bluff he thought before taking a gloved finger and pressing it to the man's lips
"Hush now, you're lucky I'm feeling merciful today," at that moment the tension seemed to release his shoulders sagged, the grip on whatever he was holding loosened too, now "So I'll make it quick." Within a moment the knife had been removed from the neck and plunged into his heart, he continued to repeatedly stab the area to make sure he was well and truly dead. Despite what was said he took no joy in the killing, it was meaningless, a dirtying of his hands and clothes. He would deal with the body later for now he had a call to make,
"Well hello there Dostoy~" that voice drawled through the phone stretching the vowels to unimaginable lengths.
"Nikolai-" he replied stonily why was he awake at this god awful time anyway?
"I wasn’t supposed to meet you for the report until tomorrow unless there's been a hitch in the plan that is.." there was no use in ignoring it
"Someone fucked up, bad. The nearest rendezvous point will take at least 3 days of constant driving for the meantime there's a motel around midway where we can lay low for a while meet me there in the next 48 hours -and book a room while you're there. I have tabs on everyone it should be too far from your last mission don’t screw it up."
"Yes sir!" He could almost imagine the mock salute and rolled his eyes at the notion by now he was far enough from the site to pull over and sort stuff out he removed his cloak and set it to dry in the backseat where he had been temporarily storing the body, unfortunately, there were no blankets to wrap it in so it was simply left in the boot after rummaging through pockets for more cash as it much harder to trace to little reward, next he went through the car itself, a baseball bat in the driver side door, what the man most of being holding -paranoid much it obviously didn’t do him much good to have it there- he did however find a rewards card for a coffee chain 6 out of seven spaces were stamped earning him a free cup although he was more partial to tea well deserved after this if you ask him.
***
3 hours later the caffeine had worn off and there were still 12 hours left, if he carried on traveling at this speed without breaks he would be able to rest before tomorrow night he pulled over a final time as the sun was rising shedding light on to the tarmac, now more cars on the road and even more reason to be aware. Rubbing at his eyes in frustration the last night had been spent with little sleep as well, negotiating with enemies pulling them in on carefully curated web of lies seated in just enough truth to be believed or maybe they were just that stupid, it was hard to tell these days.
He was smart yes but he was also desperate in need of sleep he should of seen this coming but one can only evade their humanity before succumbing to it he learned that the hard way. He searched the car once again for something to stimulate him eventually he found what he was looking for: cigarettes. It wasn’t smart, but he was desperate and maybe the buzz would be what he needed to stay functioning he found a lighter too barely used, good quality maybe it was a dates that left it here, they were too expensive for a man who drove a car like this to splurge on and not use.
He started the car again checking the fuel before inhaling the smoke holding it in his lungs before letting it out again, he never particularly enjoyed this indulgence but he could keep his eyes open a little longer now.
***
The traffic was worse than usual he arrived at 8pm that day. pulling up to the motel with low expectations but even he sighed with disappointment, when he scouted the spot it had been run down, now it had fallen into disrepair but it would do.
Looking half dead the employee cautiously told him it was the second door on the left which was strange as he wasn't given a key, he didn’t even ask for money yet the promise of a shower and a semi-decent bed were closer than ever he had his suspicious on what had occurred yet part of him wanted to believe that it was all a bad dream as he approached the door and stepped inside.
Shit
"Nikolai," he said the name in the same tone you would use on a misbehaving child
"Dostoy! I thought I'd see you here, but dare I say you have looked better"
"Why are you here in this room?" he had a low tolerance for clown shenanigans today
"There was an issue, the motel double booked and it seems like we have to share a room the issue being there is only one bed." the clown replied with an impish smile and flush in his cheeks which only masked how cautiously he moved expecting Fyodor to boil over with rage, despite knowing that that would never happen, repression was an art he was skilled in.
"Yes, I see that." keeping his expression neutral
"Wow! no murder plot boiling behind those eyes?" The other got off the cheap bed he was sitting on and moved to the crappy armchair the only other thing in the room head peeping over the top it was rather endearing.
"There always is but for now I just need to sleep and I prefer not to be woken so let us sort this out now." moving from the doorway onto cheap flooring
"But there's only one bed?" he questioned cocking his head to the side lips tight suppressing a smirk
"As stated earlier nothing new we still both need to sleep I'll take the right you take the left good no debate let me wash my face and I'll be right back"
When he started to get into the bed and imagine those hard-as-rock pillows under his head falling blissfull-
"You're not sleeping in that are you?" Nikolai was sat cross legged in the centre
"Yes, do you have an issue with that?" he was losing patients by the second.
"Well actually dos you'd find that you'll make the whole bed damp and then catch a cold and I can guarantee that I am not as proficient in nursing as I am in killing, and i know you don't have anything else which is why I brought you this!" with a flourish from the void of his overcoat Nikolai revealed an oversized shirt and jogging bottoms as well as a substitute cloak "Tadaaa!"
"The rooms here are built the same so all you had to do was reach into next door-"
"Don’t ruin the magic that will happen soon enough on its own" pushing a finger to his lips. once he changed, leaving his own to dry he looked at himself in the mirror. 17 years old a child no more a human no more a demon is what he usually saw but instead the looseness of the clothes, in turn, made him look softer, the bruised eye bags and permeant furrowed brow slightly relieved.
By the time he was comfortable half an hour had passed and it was 9:30, Nikolai had gotten ready as well shed his garish costume for simple nightclothes that in turn made allowed his true beauty to shine through in his mismatched eyes and sharp features that seemed to soften in a smile that was only on display for him. Soon they said their goodnights and the lights were turned off.
Fyodor who had been craving nothing but sleep lay unable to do so, it had hit him that there was another human being next to him, one who didn’t fear him, one who may of just seen through the demon to the child inside of it. So he began to build a barrier of sorts of pillows and blankets, foolish, as if it would do anything a simple touch was lethal and although control had come with time it was still unpredictable, punishment had a mind of his own but that was going to be under control, it was all going to be under control-
"You really should be sleeping Fedya" a voice soft through silence. "I could say the same for you,"
"Yes except I am not the walking corpse- I also don’t act like a moody teenager when I'm sleep deprived"
"It has been a tough few days"
"Few days?"
"Few years? Who can tell anymore,"
"I can, I remember when I met you you were only 14 the age of rebellion" (he remembers too, how could he forget?)
"And rebel we did"
"Yes me against society, against the cage it has us in and you, you against the sin it has lead us to. Together we will cleanse the world and make it new baptised!" he painted out each word with motion barely visible in the darkness when his voice was nothing but a whisper.
From another mouth how ridiculous did it sound, drunk on ambition and power yet they were so close, tantalisingly so and within a few years it would be within reach.
He had stopped with the makeshift wall by this time but was still sitting up the light turned on and from under his breathe Nikolai let out a small sigh.
"Fedya, You really don’t have to do this" coaxing tiredly, he had been on missions all month after all before reaching out to take his hands, pulling them out of reach
"Yes I do" Fyodor replied
"Sleep well Dos" turning the light off once more a sad smile on his face.
More time passed still unable to sleep he spent the night contemplating their next moves but ended up falling back to his journey here. Not to the motel, but to becoming a demon with a reputation to uphold.
His life could be split into clear segments before and after before consisted of nothing more than dullness the people the house everything could be predicted strung to his desire it was a family dinner except family was a stretch a group of people forced to be civil due to the long term belief that blood is thicker than water despite it being only half the quote he sat like porcelain eating his food avoiding idle chatter on school or music opting to run through the steps of his plan of each out come on the table he was fed up waiting for the world to change, for something to be done about the bad in it. No true justice could ever be served in this society, one so full of corruption and sin hearing his parents talk about such mild inconveniences like it was the end of the world angered him, how could they just sit back and watch the world burn? He wanted to scream to punch but being sophisticated he fought not with his fists but words tearing them to shreds sinking teeth into flesh and relishing the coppery taste in his mouth and when his parents stood speechless he left the table all together his father went to grab his shoulder but as the skin fell against the fabric of his shirt blood coated the table cloth the walls and splattered across his skin. His mother died from the shock, while he stood there licking the red from a grin that was too large for his face, then he ran.
He was a murderer. A disgrace.
A convict.
He was alive.
Tears burned his face against the wind not because he felt guilty but the lack of it he should be drowning in guilt in sorrow that the people who were supposed to care for him most in this world were gone but he didn’t once the tears stopped he was left with nothing but adrenaline the most animalistic impulse the desire to stay alive, to live
A year passed living like vermin in alleys and backrooms of scraps he was a child no more but a demon cold hands and cold eyes but grit and just enough fear to keep him sane, an organisation was born 'the rats' honorary of his only friends in this time, he set bait and traps to ensnare subordinates Ivan and Pushkin were nothing special they walked into his hands got caught up in his strings that could be cut at any time. Only one was an exception.
***
It was freezing and he sat in a single room alone lost in his work until a knock came.
He didn’t answer, people didn’t knock for Fyodor Dostoyevsky, they scratched at his door with pleas for mercy, offers to put a price tag on revenge.
When the door opened anyway he stopped to take notice A boy who stood before him,
Monochrome. White hair ,white shirt, white teeth, white skin flecked with blood, but golden eyes that crinkled at the corners,
“I am Nikolai Gogol, I believe I may be of use to you” he announced far to extravagant for only one guest and far to cocky to think he'll come out alive.
“you have come to sell your soul? I must say you look too young for that” he spoke slowly his voice as threatening as he could muster,
“I could say the same of you, I want to be free”
“free?” This was new.
“like the birds, without a cage” he could see it now, in the unruly hair the wild eyes the shake in his hands that didn't reach the voice, a performer.
A mad man.
or more correctly the guise of one.
“To sore the skies unrestricted to escape the moral dilemmas that come with humanity”
“yes, exactly that” a genuine look of surprise on his face eyes scanning his own for a trace of something.
Anything.
He was moved from these thoughts by that same ally who became his one and only companion.
Nikolai was a restless sleeper he slept in fitful bursts even unconscious unable to stay put, occasionally kicking or grabbing covers while he slept. Fyodor however slept in deep undisturbed darkness, blackness. A void that was nearly impenetrable and he despised it, unable to know what was going on an unconscious state was when he was most vulnerable and vulnerability was a waste of time, a liability much like personal connections or loose ends. Each time the body beside him brushed with his own he had to resist the urge to look over and see if the other still slept, each touch was a reminder that Nikolai was still alive and a reminder that as much as he had tried not to, he cared.
It reached a point where the moving became borderline unbearable and within the darkness Fyodor could make out the faint lines of sadness in the other's face as he was not truly free even within his dreams but haunted by his own past.
Unable to sleep with the movement he readjusted his position so that he was face to face with Nikolai and began to stroke the other's hair, long soft hair that fell in tendrils around his angular face framing it with a soft glow almost like an angel tracing the scar over his left eye with gentle precision while the other hand continued to rake through the silvery white careful to avoid tangles and whispering in a soft voice much too soft to be his own gentle praises almost prayers to the sleeping man next to him that could only be spoken under darkness things that demons were said never to feel.
Eventually their breaths fell in tandem and the sun began to rise
***
The room was bathed in a warm yellow and he himself was warm a strange occurrence the source of the heat was curled around him entangled together held like a ragdoll slender fingers running through his hair mimicking what he did the night before his body tensed starved of human touch for so long it was all so foreign but as he struggled a voice still slurred by sleep whispered incomprehensible murmurs that were soothing none the less but he did manage to make out the faint outlines of some telling him to go back to sleep -and for some reason he did.
When he awoke it was long gone midday and still not as much sleep as Fyodor was hoping for.
Nikolai was no longer next to him but he had no reason to worry, he knew that the clown hadn’t gone far the scent of still warm tea at the side of his bed as he opened his eyes to see the man staring out the window at the sky now a pale blue mostly hidden by clouds before he closed them again simply laying under the harsh covers trying to forget the list of issues that caused him to be there in the first place, before sharp whistling cut through the lazy buzz of the afternoon it was an obnoxiously cheery tune- the kind that Nikolai knew irked him.
"What have I done?"
"I don’t know what you mean Dostoy?" this was a fruitless mission.
"You're being annoying and I want you to stop and to do that I need to know why you're doing it in the first place"
"Your smart Dos use that brain of yours and think" Nikolai quipped but refused to make eye contact still observing the sky.
"I could but it's early and I don’t want to"
"Your no fun~" he moaned sprawling on top of the bed head hitting his own stomach and the other smiling at the break in the neutral expression.
"Exactly that's your job and I'd hate to be the one to take it from you" he said trying to gently readjusting to a more comfortable position
"We should probably find somewhere more long-term to set up, I mean you with your tech and everything"
"We will be gone soon enough, somewhere with more space, more than one bed and a little less claustrophobic but you should know better now than change the subject, especially in front of me" leaning over looking over those sharp features that seemed even more beautiful in the daylight than before.
Seemingly without warning Nikolai sprang up however predicting his sporadic tendencies and knowing the peace couldn’t last long he moved his head just enough so they wouldn’t collide
"That’s something new-" Fyodor looked up to meet his gaze face resting in his palm curiosity in his eyes,
"I mean you knowing me, understanding me, people have never really done that before, only you."
"We're not like the others you and me" Nikolai stopped his pacing to meet his eyes neither of them looking away "I've never had someone by my side a companion never tried to let people into my life without the purpose of a plan yet you have grown on me like ivy on a wall and wound your way into my foundations into my life." The look was serious cracks in facades lifting of masks in this exhausting never-ending masquerade such honesty was never seen in such a place
"So you didn’t like me at first you wound me so!" in the face of vulnerability you fall back on old habits,
"I mean you did seek out the devil himself do you blame me for being cautious of somebody to do something so foolish?" There was silence for a while it seemed to last a century before someone spoke up,
"Am I still a fool for loving you knowing who you are?"
"Not as much as I for loving, despite being who I am."
Oh.
oh.
The realisation crept onto Nikolai's face softening it once more under the light of day a face of similar expression was reflected in his eyes,
They were young, drunk on their own ambition and drowning so deep in love they didn’t realise how long ago they fell in it.
***
This of course as much as he would deny was planned out from the beginning, what other reason would he let Nikolai book the motel room?