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There was a storm outside. A relentless storm. Stede was woken up by this storm, and he was left alone, wide awake with his own thoughts.
"Hey, Ed?"
Stede is not doing well. His mind had gotten to him again, in the early hours of the morning. Whenever this would happen, he would just sleep it off. Not this time.
He feels sick.
Ed is suddenly woken up. "Yeah, Stede?"
"Do you.. do you ever wonder what would have happened if we never met?"
Stede starts picking at his lip.
The waves crash loudly outside, a stark contrast from the quiet cabin.
"Hm," Ed begins. "I suppose I haven't thought about it, no"
The waves begin to quiet down, as if they were trying to listen in on their early morning conversation.
"I tend to… dwell on it a lot," mumbles Stede, nervously.
Stede continues to pick.
"You do?" Ed replies with his full attention now on Stede, both concerned and intrigued.
"...Yeah," He started, looking off to some knickknack or other that would be leagues easier to look at than his Edward's face.
"I often think about what would have happened if me and the crew never landed on that island. If I never met Izzy who told you about me. I don't know where I'd be if that never happened. I would be just drifting on the ocean with a crew that was on the verge of a second mutiny, hah..."
Picking…
Ed nods along, not missing a single word of Stede's woes. He notices Stede’s picking.
"How pathetic is that? To not even have control of your own crew? I couldn't even properly fight when I started this whole adventure. I wasn't made for this."
He picks his lip for the final time, and it starts bleeding.
Stede pauses, tasting iron.
Ed tries holding the other's shoulder.
"You know… we don't have to do this right now, if you don't want to. We can just sleep. Talk about it in the morning if that's better."
"No. I- I can keep going. I'm almost over, anyways. I need to finally get this out…"
Ed nods, letting Stede continue
"Things didn't start looking up until you got here," He admits, suddenly looking at Ed.
"I'm just glad to have had someone like you"
Stede cups Edward's face with his hand, the former's eyes starting to shine, tears soon to come.
Edward took in his lover. His tousled blonde hair, his dark weary eyes, his smile lines and crow's feet. Even the cut lip. His beautiful features were darkened with sorrow. Ed was worried.
"Stede, why hadn't you said anything before? I know I'm not always available to talk, especially like this, but I'm not emotionally unavailable."
Stede decides it's time he tells Ed. There's nothing healthy in bottling it up, he's even told his crew that. Why hadn't he listened to that rule himself?
He takes a deep sigh.
"To be honest? It's been haunting me. I used to see these… visions. Ghosts, I guess. I'd see the image of Mary. I'd see Nigel too, and my father for Chrissake. I'd see them all talking down to me, saying I wasn't meant for a life of piracy, that I'd end up dead in the ocean somewhere. That I was a weak frail man who wouldn't amount to anything. It got to me, and I never felt like I could tell anyone. Until now, I suppose."
Stede smiles faintly
Ed pulls them close
"Do not ever doubt yourself like that. You've survived up to now, haven't you? You've lived, even! I know without a doubt that you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to worry about being ready for the sea. What you have to worry about is if the sea is ready for you."
Stede, eyes welling with tears, grows closer more to Ed.
"You are this fantastic fierce hurricane taking the ocean like some wonderful force. You have this shine in your eyes, Stede. Whenever we go somewhere new, you always seem to be at home, even when we would be in 90 degree St. Augustine heat. You. Belong. Here. Don't ever doubt that."
Ed started tearing up, the both of them by then in a full loving embrace.
With that, they whispered sweet comforts to each other, slowly drifting off to sleep in their slowly rocking ship.