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“YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID HE WOULD NOT EAT US!”
‘Steven, he doesn’t eat.’
“I DON’T BLOODY CARE!”
Marc winced. Steven’s hysteria was well-founded given all his past experience with Khonshu. ‘Jake, this is your plan, you want to explain it to him?’
‘Kid, listen. It’s--’
“No, no, NOPE. There is no WAY I am going along with this.” Steven’s voice was on the edge of breaking. “I don’t care what sort of thing you’re trying to prevent, I am not letting the bloody vulture PUT US INTO HIS BEAK.”
‘Steven.’ Jake’s voice cut into the hysteria. ‘It’s just so we can get past some of the watchdogs who don’t want mortals getting their hands on this artifact.’
“So why doesn’t he just get it himself?”
‘Because it’s a two-pronged security system.’ Jake was being as patient as he could. ‘Only gods can get past the first door, only mortals can get past the second. Seemed foolproof.’
Khonshu watched the scene, impassive. “You could always sleep, little worm.”
“Oh, yeah, sure, and wake up in a pool of stomach acid.”
“I do not possess a stomach.”
‘Steven, he doesn’t even have a throat! He can’t swallow us without--’
“Nope, survival rule 0.1 is DON’T LET THINGS BIGGER THAN YOU STICK YOU IN THEIR BLOODY CRAW!”
Well, it was hard to argue with that.
“Steven.” Jake muscled his way past the panicking Alter. “Why don’t you just hang out in the inner world?”
‘Oh, yeah, right, and wonder what the hell you’re doing with the body.’ Steven tried to take control back, but Jake held firm. ‘If you make us do this I swear I will never forgive you.’
Damnit. “Steven, we need to get this so Layla can save some kids.”
There was a stunned silence from the Alter.
“I didn’t want to go into it since I didn’t want you two tagging along on this one.” Jake ground out. “But long story short, Layla needs this thing so she can go beat up some monster that’s picking off kids.”
‘You…’ Steven’s voice was faint. ‘You’re not lying, are you.’
“I wouldn’t lie about that, I’d just shove your ass back into the apartment.” Jake muttered.
‘Of course. Classic Jake.’ Marc’s voice was low.
“Hey, you two wanted to ride along.” Jake snapped. “It’s not always shoot ups and beat downs. Sometimes it’s spycraft. And sometimes I gotta do gross shit. Deal with it or get the fuck outta the way.”
‘Could he not just put us in his pocket?’
“Steven, even if he had pockets, the security magic would see through that.”
‘He could hold us.’ Marc ground out. He hated being held.
“Uh, Jefe, Marc has a point. Couldn’t you just hold us?”
“Tell the deserter I will need the use of both of my hands.” Khonshu grumbled.
‘Of fucking course.’
“Hey, believe me, I tried to figure out a way around this.” Jake replied. “I don’t mind being shrunk for espionage, but I’m not gung-ho for this.”
Khonshu watched, impassive. “Are the insects going to let us proceed, or should I tell Taweret to prepare for the arrival of children on her boat?”
“I told you not to call them that, Jefe.” Jake snapped at his patron.
“Are we proceeding or not?”
“We are.” Jake stepped into his awaiting hand. “Just don’t draw this out, okay?”
“I will not. This is equally unpleasant for me.”
“I doubt that.”
“Despite my appearance, I do not eat worms and insects.” The beak opened, revealing smooth, almost polished bone. No tongue. No saliva. It was more like a marble wedge than anything else.
‘I think I may faint.’ Steven sounded more like he was going to throw up.
‘You can skip out of this.’ Marc reminded him. ‘I’ll stay and make sure he doesn’t fuck with Jake.’
‘I think…I think that’s a good idea.’ Steven’s voice faded away at the end.
‘Good.’
Jake tried to ignore Marc as he walked into the god’s maw. Khonshu closed his beak slowly, leaving Jake mostly in the dark. Some light filtered from the eyeholes above them. Jake kept his gaze on the tip of the beak. It was like looking at the inside of a ship. The bow? Was that what it was called?
‘Hey.’ Marc broke through his thoughts. ‘You okay?’
“Yeah. If Khonshu wanted to eat us he’d figure out some grand sacrifice. Not this.” Jake shrugged. He placed a gloved hand on the inside of the skull, eliciting a small flinch all around them.
If he kept his mind on the ship and not the smooth stone inside the sarcophagus--
‘You want me to handle this?’
“Uh. No. I’ve got it.”
‘It’s okay if you don’t.’
It was different this time. It was. There was room in here. Not pitch black. He wasn’t trapped. He wasn’t.
‘Jake.’ Marc pressed. ‘Let me do this.’
“You hate this more than I do.” Jake’s head was starting to spin.
‘I hate being small. But I can handle being in here. Once we get to the Indiana Jones shit, you’re up.’
Jake let him take control. ‘...Thanks.’
“Like I told Steven, I’m not letting him fuck with you.”
“If you idiots are not quiet we will not pull this off.” Khonshu’s voice had an edge.
“Yeah, yeah.” Marc sighed. “Just like old times.”
‘Marc, if this is like old times, I’m glad I was asleep for most of that.’
Marc didn’t reply, seeming intent on keeping their footing until this very weird mission was over.
‘Hey, remind me to tell Steven in advance when we’re doing stuff like this so he can hide out.’
Marc nodded. “Like we told you; we all get to have reasonable accommodations.”
‘Yeah, well, hiding from the giant bird god is pretty fucking reasonable even if he’s not planning on eating us.’
Marc stifled a laugh. “Agreed, Mi Cabrón.”