Chapter Text
>Dave: Answer the phone
DAVE: sup
ROSE: Oh, nothing much. Serk came home to visit over the weekend but they’re back at school now. The nest returns to empty.
DAVE: does it weird you out that you have a kid at the same level of education as your brother
ROSE: 1) I have a kid at a *higher* level of education.
ROSE: 2) It only makes me worried the collective academic snobbery in our family might decrease
ROSE: I actually did call to see how academia was treating you. I've been considering getting my third PhD.
DAVE: mayor-awarded phds dont count
DAVE: as cute as they are
ROSE: Second, then.
ROSE: Though you should know I consider my tiny-sheep-making doctorate my greatest achievement.
DAVE: i mean that goes without saying
DAVE: but yeah academia is tight as hell
DAVE: the anthro department is overstuffed with funds, i gotta theory theyre holding mega important fossils ransom and extorting money from the national archeology society
ROSE: Mmhm.
DAVE: point is they actually take us to digs its SICK
ROSE: Sick indeed.
ROSE: And have you managed to fly under the radar so far, godhood-wise?
DAVE: stealth is on lalonde
DAVE: i only wear my shades RARELY its growth
DAVE: besides culture is so overridden with images of us being white that i just dont think most people get what we actually look like
ROSE: White as in the color or caucasian?
DAVE: both
ROSE: And also, you're lucky in that regard. I got recognized at troll Shoprite last week.
ROSE: The trials of being a goth committed to the aesthetic instead of just some guy.
DAVE: sexism AND gothphobia
ROSE: The life I lead.
DAVE: bravest woman alive
DAVE: but yeah me and radia are going out tonight
DAVE: proper college party and everything
ROSE: Oh God, will there be revelry?
DAVE: tons, im assuming
DAVE: maybe even weed
ROSE: A substance you love to consume and does not send you into a paranoid fervor.
DAVE: mhm
ROSE: Is Andres going?
DAVE: huh?
DAVE: oh. nah.
DAVE: that didnt really.... shake out
ROSE: Gosh, Dave.
ROSE: How long did that one last?
DAVE: man not every relationships gotta be for life ya know
DAVE: or immortality in our case
DAVE: im not a lesbian im not expected to be uhauling myself at the first date of every dude i meet on troll/human grindr
ROSE: You met him at a horticulture club.
DAVE: same shit
DAVE: like sometimes youre seeing a guy for a week and it doesnt work out it doesnt work out like whatever
ROSE: Mhm.
ROSE: I'm just nosying my way through your business as I am wont to do. My love life is rather nothing to speak about.
DAVE: you and your wife get divorced and remarried every other month for fun
ROSE: Dave we wait a few years in between, you know this. To—
DAVE: to let the press get comfy yeah i get it
ROSE: Precisely.
ROSE: But seriously, Dave, you understand why I might harbor a slight worry over this. It would be one thing if you weren’t interested in dating at all, but you *are*, and yet, you haven't had a lasting relationship in—
DAVE: have you considered maybe being a widow at what looks like age 25 (at most) might throw a *slight* wrench in things?
DAVE: people like to ask about relationship history and i just gotta be like "yeah i promise i can hold down a guy i got one to marry me"
DAVE: "holy shit dave youre divorced?? but youre only in college!"
DAVE: "nah, widowed actually, the dude died on me, promise im well adjusted though, ready to date again, even stopped wearing his ring on a chain just for you babe, random troll person—"
ROSE: You stopped wearing the ring? When did that happen?
DAVE: i dunno
DAVE: i still do wear it on and off just never on dates
DAVE: makes shit awkward as hell
DAVE: besides its been a while
ROSE: It has.
DAVE: hundred and fifty three years, if you were wondering
DAVE: since he kicked the ol' bucket
DAVE: oh god no not a troll euphemism hed kill me for that
ROSE: Ha. He probably would.
ROSE: I didn't realize he was still so on your mind. Not that — Not that he wouldn't be.
ROSE: Sorry. I should be better at this.
DAVE: ‘s all good
ROSE: The point is, you know we can talk about this. Him. Whenever.
ROSE: I do miss him too.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: yeah, thatd be nice
ARADIA: (dave??)
DAVE: ah shit aradias gonna kick me out of the bathroom
ROSE: Have you... been in the bathroom this whole time?
DAVE: getting my guyliner all done up gotta look hot for the frats
ROSE: God, Dave, you didn't tell me it was a *frat* party.
ARADIA: (dave get out!)
DAVE: (you dont even do makeup!)
ARADIA: (i have to piss!)
DAVE: shes gotta piss
ROSE: I heard.
ROSE: Are you off, then?
DAVE: yeah, prolly
DAVE: we still on for kid brunch on thursday?
ROSE: Always.
ROSE: See you then.
DAVE: night rose
DAVE: love you
ROSE: Love you too.
ROSE: And have fun!
DAVE: :)
DAVE: ill try my best
>Dave: Be the fratboy
You thought, when you were sixteen, that as soon as the world started getting all populated you'd be a total party dude — some escape from the horrific amount of isolation a shit childhood and a meteor-isolated teenhood will do to you. It turned out that wasn't quite the case; there was a while you wouldn't go to a big gathering without Rose or Karkat or one of the Harleyberts there to keep you from doing a pirouette off the handle if too many people talked to you in a single span of time. You do best in groups of three, four, maybe five folks, at most. But you've gotten accustomed to parties.
You lost Aradia about fifteen minutes in, and spent the following thirty nursing a glass of water (Rose is a century sober, and the idea of alcohol still tugs at something like fear in your gut) and talking to college seniors and grad students and hoping you can pass as younger than them. They're nice enough. You've been at this college for a couple months, so getting to know people isn't at the top of your to-do list, but it doesn't hurt. You can be social.
You *can* be social, but thank fuck Aradia shows up to get you out of conversation.
ARADIA: hi dave :D
DAVE: sup rads
ARADIA: so there has been a bit of a development
ARADIA: and i am trying to give you a warning so you dont completely freak
DAVE: alright i appreciate the heads up
DAVE: whats goin on
ARADIA: so you know karkat, your dead husband karkat?
DAVE: uhh
DAVE: yeah ive heard of him
DAVE: you overheard me and roses conversation earlier cause i meant it i am down to talk about our mutual dead friend but preferably not in a social situation cause as i said thats
DAVE: a bit of a downer
DAVE: and im trying to pass for somebody not on the tail end of their second century of life and most early twenties folks dont have husbands already in the grave ya know
DAVE: unless i was like a military wife in this situation like we were high school sweethearts till—
ARADIA: okay so weve established we both remember karkat, great!
ARADIA: i think hes here
DAVE: aw shit is this a ghost situation
DAVE: 1) ive done dream bubble searching its not fun its not productive i dont like fuckin with ghosts
DAVE: 2) aradia i thought we agreed when we became roommates that there would be no ghost summoning
ARADIA: no! we only agreed no ghost summoning *in our apartment*!
ARADIA: anyway he’s not a ghost!!
ARADIA: i think 0.o
ARADIA: there is a guy here who looks just like 10 sweep old karkat and i heard someone call him karkat and he sounds like karkat (from the best of my memory it has been a century and a half)
DAVE: ...
DAVE: okay
DAVE: thats
DAVE: okay a genetic clone of him got into the system thats cool thats fine
DAVE: or maybe its just some hot buff troll with a common troll name thats also fine
DAVE: yeah yeah okay cool fine yeah
ARADIA: hmm maybe
ARADIA: it is at this point a super genetic rarity!
DAVE: yep and itd be my luck id run into him fuuuuuuckkk
DAVE: alright where is he im staying the fuck away
ARADIA: you don't want to say hi??
DAVE: oh hell no
DAVE: nah
DAVE: thatd be super fucking creepy for all parties involved
DAVE: its not like he Is Karkat right
DAVE: my karkat
DAVE: like a major thing is youre not supposed to date people just because they remind you of your ex thats a whole thing
ARADIA: i didn't say anything about dating him?
DAVE: maybe i should just go home
ARADIA: no cmon i want to solve this!!
ARADIA: what if it *is* a ghost
ARADIA: or some sort of reanimation situation 0.o
DAVE: pretty sure the bodys decomposed by now rads
ARADIA: or reincarnation!
DAVE: :/
ARADIA: reincarnation could be absolutely be real dave
ARADIA: we are gods
DAVE: yeah say that one a little louder
DAVE: look if you wanna go rap with the reincarnation of my dead husband about the possible existence of samsara go ahead
DAVE: but not to be serious like actually serious
DAVE: i dont know if i can cope with oh fuck thats him
ARADIA: it is!!
DAVE: oh fuck fuck fuck
You manage to hide behind Aradia pretty well, as new Karkat moves over to sit on a different couch in your periphery. Rads has got that troll height you're not even jealous of (lie), and enough bulk you can be nearly wholly covered. And like, yeah, it sure as shit don't matter if he sees you, it's not like he knows who you are, but it was your first reaction to hide and you're not one to think things out enough to double check your instincts.
You peek up from over Aradia's shoulder, cause you've got the emotional self-preservation instincts of someone who's been out of practice guarding their heart for so long it's raw and unprotected against looking at a face you haven't seen in a hundred and fifty-three years, haven't seen healthly and grinning in longer, and hell you were right about being completely unable to cope with this.
He's just as hot as you remember.
ARADIA: dave i hate to break this to you but youre only being more suspicious by hiding
DAVE: you dont see cool and collected dudes hiding behind their beefy death troll friends all the time?
DAVE: but yeah no yeah lets just
DAVE: lean up against the wall right here
DAVE: real casual nobodys paying attention
ARADIA: hey not to really fuck with your head anymore here
ARADIA: but i think that terezi — your dead good friend terezi — is also here?
ARADIA: which is fascinating!
DAVE: what??
DAVE: this is the worst fucking party ever
DAVE: like that just doesnt make any sense
DAVE: like??? why??
DAVE: god vriskas gonna go crazy genuinely crazy
DAVE: like im coping here
ARADIA: uh huh
DAVE: vriska??? will not be coping
DAVE: but fuck i guess youre right that sure seems to be terezi
The troll sitting across from Karkat — or, dude who looks like Karkat, whatever, whatever, you're handling this fine — shifts to the side, far enough to see that Karkat’s new place on the couch is right next to someone who looks an uncanny lot like someone else you adored only for them to fucking die. Terezi and Karkat, 21, 22 years old by the looks of it, perfectly fine, crowded together with a bunch of frat folks. And Karkat— he looks completely at ease, leaning lightly on Terezi's side as he joins in conversation, gesturing around with his (gorgeous) hands in the way you remember perfectly for how goddamn long it's been. He was always better at the party scene than you were, better at meeting people once he got out of his shell. You always counted yourself lucky you got to him before someone else snatched him up, effortlessly charmed by everything about him. He laughs, sharp teeth dim lit and on display, and you're glad his eyes crinkle up when he laughs because that makes it less likely he'll notice that you are definitely staring.
DAVE: like, terezi died nearly a hundred years after him
DAVE: if its reincarnation that seems massively off time-wise
DAVE: and if theyre just genetic clones what are the odds wed end up with perfect genetic clones of them born at the same time in the same place??
ARADIA: paradox spaces works in mysterious ways dave
ARADIA: to you
ARADIA: im going to figure it out!
ARADIA: but dont worry about it i think it will just make your brain implode a bit
DAVE: yeah yep thats sort of whats happening
ARADIA: so chill out!
ARADIA: talk to some other folks!
ARADIA: and for us sake stop staring!!!
>Karkat: Deal with the creep staring
KARKAT: HEY TEREZI
TEREZI: Y34H?
KARKAT: IS IT JUST ME OR ARE WE BEING STARED AT?
TEREZI: 1M NOT 3X4CTLY TH3 M4ST3R OF TH4T SORT OF TH1NG BUT
TEREZI: HMM
TEREZI: OH!! DO YOU M34N TH3 CR33PY-SM3LL1NG BURG4NDY ON3??
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 H4D 4 CL4SS W1TH H3R 4ND SH3S 4 TOT4L W31RDO
TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS W4NT3D TO B3 H3R FR13ND
TEREZI: BUT Y34H 1V3 B33N TOLD SH3 1S JUST 4LW4YS TH3 MOST W1D3-3Y3D P3RSON SO SH3 M1GHT NOT B3 M34N1NG TO ST4R3
KARKAT: YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT JUST HER
KARKAT: THERE'S SOME DUDE WITH HER
KARKAT: WEARING SUNGLASSES INDOORS LIKE A DOUCHE
KARKAT: PRETTY SURE HE'S STARING TOO. HE'S FACING AWAY FROM US BUT I CAN SEE THE SIDE OF HIS EYE AND HE'S DEFINITELY LOOKING
TEREZI: M4YB3 H3 TH1NKS W3R3 HOT
KARKAT: YEAH, LIKELY
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG 1M NOT 4 TOT4L FOX >:?
KARKAT: 1) LEADING QUESTION
KARKAT: 2) WE ALL KNOW THAT I WAS EMPLOYING MY AGE-OLD SELF DEPRECATION STRATEGY. OBVIOUSLY.
TEREZI: 4ND W3 4LL KNOW TH4TS SOM3TH1NG YOU SHOULDV3 GROWN OUT OF SW33PS 4GO !!
TEREZI: 1S H3 HOT? YOU SHOULD T4LK TO H1M.
TEREZI: OR TH3 CR33PY ON3?
TEREZI: M4YB3 BOTH!!
KARKAT: NOT BOTH, THANKS.
KARKAT: THE CREEPY ONE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS, DEFINITELY OUT OF MY LEAGUE, BUT SHE'S NOT REALLY MY TYPE ANYWAY
KARKAT: A LITTLE TOO FREAKY
TEREZI: YOU N3V3R COULD H4NDL3 W31RDOS
TEREZI: >;]
KARKAT: TEREZI, IT’S CALLED BASIC SELF PRESERVATION.
TEREZI: C4LL3D B31NG BOR1NG >:[
TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 DUD3?
KARKAT: HE’S WEARING A SUIT TO A FRAT PARTY.
TEREZI: SOUNDS G4LL4NT.
TEREZI: D4SH1NG.
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3 1NTO TH4T?
KARKAT: THE SUNGLASSES INDOORS DON’T HELP.
KARKAT: I MEAN OBVIOUSLY HE’S HOT AS SHIT BUT I MEAN. EVEN DISREGARDING THE HORRENDOUS FASHION, HE IS STARING.
TEREZI: I LOV3 ST4R1NG
KARKAT: YOU’RE BLIND AND ALSO A CREEP.
TEREZI: Y34H >:]
KARKAT: ALSO WASN’T I SUPPOSED TO BE WINGTROLLING FOR *YOU*??
TEREZI: K4RK4T, 1 LOV3 YOU, BUT 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S OBV1OUS 1 JUST S41D TH4T TO G3T YOU TO COM3 OUT W1TH M3
TEREZI: 1 DONT N33D 4NY H3LP G3TT1NG B1TCH3S
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOUR DATING HISTORY IS FILLED WITH *SO MANY* SUCCESSES!
TEREZI: >:/
TEREZI: TH1S 1S NOT 4BOUT M3
TEREZI: YOUR3 ONLY H3R3 UNT1L TOMORROW, M1GHT 4S W3LL G3T SOM3 4SS!
KARKAT: YEAH, NO.
KARKAT: NOPE.
KARKAT: ALSO, GROSS.
TEREZI: 1LL W4TCH 27 TROLL DR3SS3S W1TH YOU 1F YOU T4LK TO H1M
KARKAT: …
KARKAT: DEAL.
>Dave: Cope
DAVE: —and why is terezi blind? like yeah i couldnt imagine her without that character trait either, but that was only because of vriska, who she didnt know!
DAVE: probably
DAVE: unless she managed to meet one of rose and kanayas four million vriska kids?
DAVE: no we wouldve heard about that
ARADIA: probably!
DAVE: maybe its just a coincidence
DAVE: even though its been genuinely difficult for rose and kanaya to keep making genetic clones of vriska — god i envy their ability to commit to a bit — so again the chances of there being an *exact* karkat and an *exact* terezi clone is astronomical
DAVE: unless they arent clones?
DAVE: what if you asked him what his blood color is
ARADIA: dave! D:
DAVE: like that just feels rude for me as a human to be prying into but like you could do it and not even be snobby because youre also like low on the bloodcaste or whatever
ARADIA: i feel like i should remind you that that is a very loaded thing to say to a troll!
ARADIA: and if i didnt love you i would be in my rights to beat you to shit about it
DAVE: youre good to me rads
DAVE: and sorry yeah im seeing how that particular set of words isnt the worlds best
DAVE: but i still am curious about what his blood color is, because if his is also all mutant then its def a clone sort of—
ARADIA: you could look what color his irises are!
DAVE: from here?
DAVE: yeah aradia my eyesight aint that good
ARADIA: i am not sure think that will matter much
DAVE: huh?
ARADIA: hes three feet behind you
DAVE: FUCK
KARKAT: JESUS
Yeah, so, to reiterate, you just yelled ‘fuck’ in the middle of a party, flash-step turned around, stumbled backward, hunched over, and ended up directly at tit-level with Karkat-fucking-Vantas. (Which is, you’ll say, not the worst place to be. You definitely stare at his chest for a second too long. Because 1) it’s a good chest, 2) it’s easier than looking in his eyes 3) seriously, his tits.) You manage, eventually, to straighten up, and look up, and meet his eyes.
And, well, shit. Those are his eyes.
Bright, glaring red.