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Sleep…what a farfetched, peculiar concept it was to someone such as Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, who instead of resting, spent his nights burrowed in his private bathroom.No one, not even Gin knew what happened behind those doors, though the man’s sunken eyes and flushed complexion made it clear that something was not quite okay. He sat on a decaying metal at the center of his shared apartment’s kitchen island. Hands balled into fists, he stared at the bowl of cereal Gin had set in front of him. His face grew hot as a couple tears brimmed his eyelashes, threatening to fall at any moment. Ryuunosuke wasn’t one to cry, so why was he doing so now? Over a mere bowl of breakfast cereal? With a tightly pressed fist, he wiped the tears away. He hesitantly lifted the spoon from the bowl, swirling soggy pieces of cereal in a pool of milk. He took a couple bites, though slow, and forced, he swallowed. Barely a dent in his breakfast and his stomach was protesting already. He set the spoon back into the bowl with a soft clank, pushing it away from himself before standing and making his way to his bedroom.
His closet was rather large, with an abundance of clothing…most of which he never wore. Shaking hands sifted through everything, almost frantically. Ultimately, a loose fitting sweatshirt and a pair of slightly ripped jeans were chosen. Though it was nearly August, the chill down his back every time he stepped out of his bedroom was never ending. The solution was obviously bigger, warmer clothes, right? His head shook as he dressed, side eyeing the mirror in the corner of his room where his thin, though tough looking body was reflected. It didn’t feel that way to him though…all he saw was something pathetic…sad…unworthy…ough? Definitely not him. The farthest thing from it in fact. A loud sigh escaped his lips as he neared the mirror, examining his tired looking eyes and red cheeks.
The day was spent casually, walking through the local market alongside Gin. His basket filled quickly with teas and figs. The only thing that ever sounded good…which Gin had already caught onto. She lifted a box of fig bars from her basket as the two walked, opening the box and handing the wrapped bar to her brother. His expression remained stone cold as he gingerly unwrapped the bar and nibbled on the sweet tasting treat as they walked. A quick decision from Ryuunosuke resulted in a full basket of sweets and salty snacks. His stomach already churned at the sight of them, yet he followed through with his purchase. Gin looked awfully happy seeing such a large haul.
His bedroom door swung open, shopping bags hitting the floor as he collapsed onto his unmade bed. A short, restless moment of sleep occurred before the young man wrapped himself in his comforter, staring down the bag of sweets lounging in the corner of his room. His stomach grumbled, empty from his previous attempt at breakfast. The mid shopping trip treat wasn’t satisfying enough…He stood, frantically racing over to the bag, and dumping the contents onto his bed. White bed sheets soon were littered with wrappers and empty aluminum chip bags. His stomach wretched at the sight. A disgusted look was shot at the person in the mirror, whose lips were rimmed with chocolate and hands dirtied with crumbs. His entire body shook with shame as he turned back to face the mess he had made. Oh dear…how come he had let himself do such a thing? Gross, gross, gross..that's all it was, at least that's what he believed.
Though this wasn’t the first time, he felt just as disgusting. Hurriedly, he collected the wrappers and stuffed them into the wire trash can next to his nightstand. Almost too aggressively, he made his way to the bathroom, knocking the door off its hinges in the process. His still shaking figure slumped against the toilet, and there he stared into the rippling water. The aching feeling in his stomach and the even worse feeling in his mind tortured him as he waited a long moment for something to happen. In a blur, the contents of his stomach emptied into the toilet bowl. A quick flush and that was the last thing he remembered.
Sprawled on the tile floor, his eyes fluttered open. Vision still in a blur, head pounding, he turned to his side. Groaning, he forced himself to a sitting position. How long had it been? Surely not too long? He made a quick turn to the window, noticing the absence of light. Oh..so it had been long…perhaps too long. Gin may get worried, not seeing her brother for so long on their joint day off. It took a couple of minutes to get back to a standing position..he took it one foot at a time, lifting his spinning head up last in fear of passing out again. He hobbled to the sink, splashing his face with a spurt of cold water from the faucet. His eyes looked tired and his face pale. He sighed once more before making his way back to his bedroom and laying down on his oversized bed. A ping came from his cellphone, which sat on the nightstand. Several messages from Gin. Most of which gave off a worried aura.
He cleared his throat, replying with a quick message saying that he was alright. He then threw his phone across the bed and wrapped himself in his blanket. He stared at the ceiling, pondering over a million thoughts at once. Was this the new normal? It had begun to feel like it…he hated it…so much. He stood once more, making his way to the mirror in the corner of his room.
With everything he had in him, he punched it. Shattering the looking glass into a million pieces all over the floor. His knuckles were bloodied…yet he couldn’t feel the pain. His reflection distorted, and he tilted his head as he stared at this new reflection. Strange…though…nice…it looked nothing like before. His hand reached out to the cracked surface….he stared at his reflection for a short while before wordlessly diving underneath the covers. He closed his eyes…sleep…wasn’t so farfetched anymore it seemed…