Work Text:
The fact that Carlos could sing was not something many people knew about him. He usually made a concerted effort to keep it a secret because once people found out he ended up dragged along to things like tonight.
Karaoke at a downtown bar.
It was not a place he ever thought he would find himself. But then he had also never thought he would be broken hearted and single again so what did he know?
He met Andre at a speed dating night Paul dragged him to a few months after the ice storm and TK’s accident when it had become obvious that the near-death experience was not going to lead to a Tarlos reunion like everyone, Carlos included, had hoped.
He and Andre hit it off straight away; he was camp and exuberant and had an infectious energy that was hard to resist. They went on a few more dates, and Carlos found himself laughing genuinely for the first time in months, before he had to call it off.
He was still in love with TK.
He knew a part of him probably always would be and that one day he was going to have to let himself move on, but it still felt too soon.
Andre had taken the rejection well and after hearing Carlos’ explanation decided to incorporate him into his friend circle instead, half of whom were his exes anyway; Andre might be a self-confessed commitment-phobe when it came to romantic relationships, but he was a sucker for a found family and had never met a gay man he couldn’t adopt into it.
So for the first time, at 27 years old, Carlos belonged to a big queer friendship group. They went to drag nights and brunches and, if they weren’t too hungover, spent their Sundays at antique fairs or farmers markets.
It was everything he had always wanted but never felt able to be part of. Fear of what his parents or his colleagues would think had held him back from exploring that side of himself for years.
Andre and his friends found it hilarious that he was a cop; there never seemed to be an end to the number of innuendos they could good naturedly harass him with. They teased him for being an uptight control freak while they slowly but surely started to bring Carlos out of his shell. They made him feel safe to be himself in a way that only one other person had ever done.
They were all at Andre’s apartment for dinner one night when his assortment of wigs started to get passed around. Most of the group were several margaritas deep and had been getting steadily louder and more raucous as the night wore on. It was the kind of over-the-top atmosphere that once terrified Carlos but now buoyed him up until suddenly he was sashaying across the room in a blond wig, performing ‘Lady Marmalade’ into a hairbrush (complete with dance moves) to the screams and cheers from his friends.
“Darling, where have you been hiding that voice?” Andre slurred as he pulled Carlos into his side and drunkenly kissed his cheek.
Which is why one week later he was in a drag bar on karaoke night.
He was only planning on having a few drinks, singing one group song to appease his friends and then taking a back seat and just enjoying being in the presence of drunk, happy people all pretending that they had no problems or concerns greater than who’s turn it was to get the next round in. Singing in a kitchen surrounded by your friends was one thing, getting up on stage in front of a room full of strangers was a whole different ball game.
But then the MC, a drag artist who went by the moniker Peaches O’Plenty, was taking to the stage. “Ladies and gentle queers I have just been informed that we have some heroes in here tonight!”
There were whoops and cheers from the crowd as Peaches O’Plenty licked her lips and swung her hips.
“Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?”
A twang of music that was unmistakably the first beats of Nelly’s ‘Hot in Here’ started to play as everyone’s attention was drawn to a table in the back corner of the bar.
“Yes, that’s right. Our delectable local celebrities, the firefighters of the 126 are in the house!”
More cheers shook the room as Peaches O’Plenty executed an exaggerated swoon on the stage.
Carlos closed his eyes and swallowed against the shiver that had run down his spine. He surely couldn’t be here, he told himself. Carlos could not comprehend that fate would be so cruel.
He couldn’t stop himself from sneaking a look, barely turning his head to survey the group out of the corner of his eye. It was undeniable; that artfully messy hair, the firm lines of his biceps where they strained against his brightly patterned shirt, the curl of his lips around his straw and the crinkles around his eyes as he laughed along with the rest of his crew at the over-the-top reception they were receiving. TK was here.
Of all the slightly seedy, drag queen fronted karaoke bars in all of Austen…
Panicked and pleading, he met Andre’s eyes across the table and seconds later he had a shot in his hand and the reassuring voices of his friends promising it would be ok, begging him not to let it ruin his night.
He tried, he really did. He did another shot, and then another one and he kept going until the edges of his pain started to blur enough that he could laugh and clap along as Marjan and Paul got up to duet. He accepted their hugs and the high five from Mateo after they spotted him and came over to say hello. He determinedly did not look at TK.
Carlos excused himself to the bathroom when TK and Nancy took to the stage because he might be fine but he was not a masochist and watching the first wiggle of TK’s hips as the song started to play was enough to send confusing and contradictory signals to his head and his crotch.
He didn’t come out of the bathroom until he was sure enough time had passed that he wouldn’t be faced with the sight of TK’s joyful face but just to be on the safe side he headed straight to the bar for another round. He knew he should stop soon because he was starting to tip over into melancholy drunk, but he couldn’t bear the thought of being in the prolonged proximity of his ex without the armour of alcohol.
He slammed the shot glass back onto the bar and turned to head back to his table, only to find himself face to face with the man himself. He realised that there was no level of drunk that could have made this bearable. For the first time in months TK was in touching distance and yet he still couldn’t take his hand or run his fingers through his hair or kiss his lips. All of a sudden he was thrown back to standing watch over TK’s cold and almost lifeless body. Except now TK was staring back at him. Carlos was going to drown in those eyes, the way they seemed to evade his drunken haze and drag him in.
TK had nearly drowned, he thought to himself. Except no, it had been the cold of the water that had done it. But whatever, Carlos was drunk and whether TK had drowned or frozen was irrelevant because he had nearly died and when he woke up and told Carlos to breathe, breathe, breathe, he thought everything was going to be ok again. But TK had said that it hadn’t changed anything, he didn’t want to get back together and now they were here. TK could get up and sing without a care in the world and Carlos was drowning.
TK opened his mouth as if to say something but Carlos barged past him before he could get the chance.
Peaches O’Plenty looked at him with wide eyes when he passed his song selection to her. “Oh honey, who hurt you?”
Carlos said nothing as he took the mic from her, just ran a hand over his curls to smooth them back and undid another button on his shirt.
TK returned to the booth in the corner and squeezed in between Paul and Nancy. He tried to steady his breathing in an effort to stop the pounding of his heart. From the moment he had spotted Carlos across the crowded room he had been fighting a twisting unease. Carlos was drunk, that much was clear to him. He had seen him down shot after shot, laughing raucously with his friends. Friends that TK didn’t even know. Because he didn’t know Carlos anymore and he had no one to blame but himself.
TK had watched on; helplessly, selfishly jealous.
And so what if he had made himself laugh louder and smile bigger than normal? And if he took to the stage with deliberate flourish, over exaggerating the movement of his hips like a cut price Mick Jagger, with the sole intention of drawing one person’s focus it was no one’s business but his own.
He had had no right to approach Carlos and he knew it but he still couldn’t stop himself. Carlos was closer to him than he had been in months and it had sent him haywire.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Carlos snubbed him.
Nothing had changed. He wasn’t worthy of Carlos and clearly the man was better off without him if the fun he was having tonight was any indication.
“Ok folks, time to slow it down a little with this next one,” the MC said in a low voice. It drew TK’s attention away from the hollering table that Carlos had been previously occupying towards the stage.
What he saw there knocked the breath out of him. He felt blood rush first to his cheeks and then to somewhere else much lower in his person. He could feel the eyes of his friends on him as he stared open mouthed at the sight before him.
Carlos was bathed in the soft blue of the stage lights, his eyelashes casting long shadows down his cheeks as he closed his eyes. TK watched, mesmerised, as Carlos licked his full, pink lips. His black shirt was unbuttoned to below his sternum, revealing the firm outlines of his chest and the ghosting of dark hair that TK knew continued down his torso and disappeared below the waistband of his tight black jeans.
An errant curl fell across Carlos’ eyes as music started to play. He raised his head and slowly brought the microphone to his mouth.
A few more beats and then Carlos started to sing.
Been finding it hard to be kind
Since I've been lost out there, losing my mind
And I still keep on searching for what I can't find
Let me drown
TK gasped. He couldn’t look away as the deep thrum of Carlos’ voice filled the room.
Don't wanna wash you away
I swear there's good things that are coming your way
And I can't be the one left here dragging you down
Let me drown
Carlos’ eyes were still closed and his body rippled with tension but his voice didn’t falter. It wasn’t exactly news to TK that Carlos could sing incredibly well but he had only ever heard him let loose like this in the privacy of his car or the shower.
Only one knew my name
Nothing left but the summer rain
Drag me 'round 'til I never complain
Let me drown
The words seemed to invade TK, raising goosebumps on his skin. He could sense Nancy looking at him, could feel the whispers that spread around the booth, but he ignored them. It was impossible not too when Carlos was there, spearing his full attention with the undeniable pain that filled each line.
And then suddenly we're writing out the same old lie
When water is all around
Baby, I can be the one you drown tonight
Well, I had sun in my eyes and I'd confide
We're no worse off than the worst of 'em, it's fine
The bar had fallen silent, even the table of Carlos’ friends, such was the effect of the raw emotion reverberating from the stage. For TK, it made him feel like they were the only two people in the room. He felt like he was being propelled forwards, the spotlight on Carlos forming a tunnel that pulled him in and shut out everyone else.
It was already too much and then Carlos opened his eyes.
Never knew where was home
I slept a lifetime alone
Yeah, we had it one time but it's gone now, it's gone
Let me drown
TK knew there was no way Carlos could see him, not with the lights on him, but his gaze was steady and unwavering in his direction. He could see the tears shining in Carlos’ eyes and when his voice cracked over the second ‘it’s gone´ TK felt something splinter in his own chest. He was tearing open and Carlos was pouring in.
I know with pleasure comes pain
I figured we were the same
But as I get older I get more afraid
Let me drown
Carlos spread his free arm out to the side causing the stage lights to shoot out beams around him in a halo. His whole body was turned towards TK, his chest puffed out like he was challenging him. TK reacted, sitting up taller in his seat as tension coiled in his spine like a spring. He fought the urge to run. He was beginning to understand and he wouldn’t give Carlos the satisfaction of being right.
So, no I can't be kind since I lost my mind
And this town just ain't big enough for the both of us now
Let me drown
Carlos brought both of his hands together around the microphone and suddenly he appeared small and pleading as he closed out the song. He didn’t shift his eyes from TK as he backed away up the stage. There was an undertone of venom as he spit out the final verse, but his cheeks glistened with the tears he hadn’t been able to hold back.
No, I can't be kind since I lost my mind
And this town just ain't big enough for the both of us now
Let me drown
TK sat frozen as the bar erupted into cheers while Carlos fled the stage and crashed out of a side door.
Carlos pealed his shirt away from his chest and billowed it out, trying to encourage the cool night air to chill the sweat on his body. Had he really just done that?
He heard the door open and close behind him but he didn’t look up, sure it was Andre or one of the other guys come to check on him. Or laugh at him. God he was embarrassed. This was why he didn’t sing in public. Or get this drunk. He couldn’t be trusted not to make a complete fool of himself.
“Carlos?” came a soft, questioning voice and Carlos groaned because of course it was him. “Are you ok?”
“TK, please just leave me alone,” Carlos said, desperately willing the ground to open up and swallow him.
“What was…” TK started to ask and Carlos chanced a look at him. He had one hand buried in his pocket as the other rubbed self consciously through the back of his hair. “Was that for me?”
TK stared at him expectantly, rocking forwards on his feet like he was poised to run. What was Carlos supposed to say to that? Of course it was for him. Everything he had done since the moment he had met TK had been for him. And yet it was never enough.
Carlos turned away with a frustrated sigh, staring out over the deserted parking lot. He experienced a wave of nausea as the adrenaline from his performance drained away and he became aware of the unpleasant sloshing of the alcohol in his stomach. The last thing he wanted to do was throw up in front of TK. Blearily he scanned the cars in search of the Camaro.
“Are you not over me?”
The words cut straight through his fog of inebriation and a flash of anger shot through Carlos as he rounded on TK. “Excuse me?”
TK looked momentarily stunned but he quickly recovered himself and there was a note of challenge in his voice as he squared up to Carlos. “You heard me. Are you not over me?”
“What kind of question is that?” Carlos hissed back.
“I just thought… I thought you would get over me,” TK said. “But that song…”
All Carlos could do was laugh; a loud humourless bark that echoed around them. TK was looking at him with a mix of hope and confusion and Carlos was so mad he wanted to punch him. And then maybe kiss him.
“I’ve tried TK,” he admitted, shaking his head as he turned away again. “I am trying.”
He didn’t look back, just started making his way unsteadily towards his car as he tried to extricate his keys from the front pocket of his jeans. Stupid really, to try to do two things at once when he was this drunk. He stumbled, the ground coming swimming up towards him. Before he could even think about catching himself, there were hands on him; warm, firm hands that lifted him up and came to settle on his back and shoulder, holding him in place.
It felt too good.
Carlos shrugged away from TK before he could do something stupid like curl into him and smell his neck like he desperately wanted to.
“Go away,” Carlos said, slurring a little, as he finally succeeded in freeing his keys. “Please.”
TK scoffed and grabbed Carlos’ keys from his hands, spinning him around to face him as he did and gripping him just above his elbow. “Can’t exactly let you drive in your condition, officer.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Carlos mumbled, refusing to look up. He really hadn’t been intending to drive his car, thinking more of hiding in there until TK gave up and left.
A sticky silence settled over them, the only sounds the faint base of music coming from the bar and the hum of the yellow security light that flickered above them. Carlos felt TK’s fingers loosen around his bicep and it sent a shiver through him as he trailed them slowly down his arm before he stepped back completely.
“I’ll take you home, just…” TK was smiling at him, shaking his head fondly, “Wait here a minute.”
TK disappeared back through the side door and Carlos buried his head his hands to muffle an infuriated yell.
TK looked relaxed behind the wheel. He had his shirts sleeves rolled up to expose his tanned and muscled forearms. He was obviously back to his full strength then, Carlos thought, and a flicker of pain passed through him as he remembered how thin and pale TK had been after the ice storm. TK had rolled down the windows and the wind was catching his hair and blowing it back off his face as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
It pulled unnervingly at something in Carlos’ stomach to look at him, so instead he stared sullenly out of the window as they drove.
The cold air was helping to sober him up but it was doing nothing to dispel the squirming embarrassment. He realised he was going to remember this in the morning and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that and what exactly had TK meant when he had said he thought Carlos would get over him?
“What did you mean ‘you thought I would get over you’?” Carlos asked. God bless alcohol for unlocking the gate between his thoughts and his mouth.
TK didn’t take his eyes off the road but Carlos saw the muscle in his jaw twitch and his fingers tighten around the steering wheel.
“I thought… I know that you’re better off without me Carlos, and you will realise that,” TK said firmly. When he continued he spoke almost to himself, “If I knew… if I thought you wouldn’t…”
Carlos closed his eyes and let the weight of his head fall back against the seat. He was still so drunk and this was too much.
“You’re an idiot TK,” he said eventually.
TK snorted but didn’t reply as they sped through the streets, the lights and sounds of downtown Austen flashing by. The journey seemed to be taking forever and Carlos wondered if TK was lost or if he was deliberately taking the long way because he also didn’t want it to end.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be over you,” Carlos confessed quietly, more to the night than to TK. “I don’t think I want to be.”
TK shook his head and grimaced. They were pulling up to the loft.
“We’re here. I’ll let you go up and then book an uber.” He sounded resigned.
Carlos felt furious. None of this was how he had envisioned this night panning out but he refused to let this be how it ended.
“Screw you.”
“What do you want from me, Carlos?” TK asked, tense and loud in the confines of the car.
“I want you to stay,” Carlos snapped back.
TK surveyed him, eyes boring into his own before they flicked down to his lips and back up.
“Please, TK. Stay,” Carlos whispered not caring anymore if begging his ex-boyfriend not to leave was pathetic and undignified. He had already exposed himself so much tonight, so he figured in for a penny…
When Carlos woke it was to a pounding headache and a mouth that felt like some small hairy creature had crawled in there and then died a particularly unpleasant death. Sunlight streamed in through the loft windows and he groaned as he pulled his duvet over his head to block it out.
Memories of the night before settled like a dead weight in his stomach; the many, many shots, the singing (oh Jesus Christ… the song), the car journey home and then finally the begging (literal, honest-to-god begging) TK to stay.
Well, Carlos thought wryly, that will have done it.
He had well and truly humiliated himself in front of all his friends and then to top it off had practically thrown himself at his ex. His eyes stung with the remembrance of TK’s polite rejection.
Oh sure, TK had helped him upstairs and made sure he got into bed and had water next to him… and there was a thought. He took a break from reliving his mortification to gulp down said water and swallow the aspirin that had been left next to it.
TK had stroked his head and whispered good night before he left, although Carlos couldn’t be a hundred percent sure that he hadn’t dreamt it.
He wished he had dreamt the way he had reached for TK, grabbed his shirt and tried to pull him back in though.
But he was positive that had really happened. He could still feel the ghost of TK’s fingers where they had gently broken his grip and his eyes felt puffy and heavy from the way he had sobbed into his pillow after he was gone.
There had never been much hope, not really.
What Carlos wanted to do was curl back up and pretend that none of it had ever happened but he needed to pee and he desperately needed more water. He wrapped the duvet around him like a cocoon and dragged himself up out of bed.
Dishes clattered in the kitchen and the unmistakable smells of coffee and bacon wafted through to him. He padded into the living area, his stomach driving him before his head could catch up.
“TK, is that you?” he called out, squinting his eyes against the morning light.
The sight of TK here in the loft, laying out breakfast on the counter with sleep ruffled hair had Carlos momentarily wondering if he had woken in some alternate dimension. One where TK had never left him and they shared the loft and Carlos didn’t get so drunk that he sang angsty, gay cowboy songs about drowning at him across a bar.
TK cleared his throat and Carlos tried to focus.
“I slept on the couch, I hope that is ok? It didn’t feel right to leave you after…”
Carlos’ cheeks flamed. There went any hope that TK had suffered an amnesia inducing fall that had miraculously wiped out any memory of his singing. And begging. And propositioning.
He winced, he couldn’t joke about TK and accidents, not even in his own thoughts.
Carlos nodded and accepted the mug of coffee TK held out.
He didn’t know where to look; on the one hand he wanted to soak up as much of TK’s presence in the loft as he could but on the other he was only too aware of how much it was going to hurt once he left again.
“Carlos, about last night…” TK started to say but he was cut off by a loud knock at the door.
The knocking continued, somehow also reverberating inside his skull, as Carlos slowly made his way to the door. Before sliding it open he spared once glance back at TK; he had followed him into what passed as a hallway in the open space of the loft and was leaning forward onto his toes, his hands curled into fists at his sides.
Ready to run, Carlos thought first, quickly followed by no and please don’t go.
“Open up baby girl, I’ve got juice,” came a voice from the hallway as the knocking finally ceased. “Both the literal and metaphorical kind.”
Carlos slid open the door and Andre sauntered in, a tote bag slung over his shoulder and a tray of smoothie cups in his hand. He froze when he saw TK and shot Carlos a raised eye-brow look. “Sorry, didn’t realise you had company.”
“I was just leaving,” TK said.
And then he was gone. Without even looking at Carlos, he had darted out the open door.
“Well, that was rude,” Andre said with flourish as he settled himself at the breakfast bar and took a long sip from one of the straws. “Also what the actual fuck happened last night? All I remember is you being hot as all hell on that stage and then suddenly he is coming over telling us he is taking you home. Obviously we would have stopped him but he said it in this seriously sexy authoritative voice and I swear it, like, stunned us all or something.”
Carlos let his head thud against the door after he shut it and groaned.
“So?” Andre asked him pointedly when Carlos collapsed into the seat next to him. “Did it work?”
“Did what work?”
Andre rolled his eyes. “The obvious serenading you were doing last night.”
“I was not… that was just…” Carlos tried to deny before giving up and slumping forward, dropping his head into his hands. “What is wrong with me? He’s dumped me twice! Why can’t I just take a hint?”
“Oh honey,” Andre said, rubbing his back gently. “You’re in love.”
“But why doesn’t he love me back?” Carlos sniffed with a pathetic honesty that only the vulnerability of his hangover allowed.
“I’m guessing last night wasn’t a passionate reunion then?”
Carlos shook his head and bit his lip to stifle a sob. As good a friend as Andre was, he really didn’t want him to see him cry.
“Well if you ask me, anyone who could resist that show you put on clearly has something seriously wrong in the head and doesn’t deserve you anyway.”
Carlos lips quirked up at how aggrieved Andre sounded on his behalf. If nothing else good had come out of breaking up with TK at least he had this; friends who would go to bat for him every time.
“So I actually came to see if you wanted to come to brunch and then we might hit up the farmers market if Jonny doesn’t get too wasted on mimosas but I’m guessing that’s probably not your vibe for today huh?”
“Thanks, but I think I’ll give it a miss.” His ‘vibe’ was definitely going to be more moping on the couch, watching sad movies and swearing he would never drink again.
Andre gave him a kiss on the cheek and made him promise to call him if he changed his mind. As he glided out of the flat Carlos swore he could hear him humming ‘Let me Drown’ under his breath and he sighed; he really never was going to live that down.
He carried his plate of bacon and eggs, the juice and mug of coffee to the couch and settled in with his duvet pulled up to his chin.
He had decided on Titanic as a suitably morose romance to lose himself in and was deep in the throes of debating the relative merits of booking passage on a ship somewhere to avoid having to face anyone ever again. He could start a new life somewhere where no one knew the name TK or had ever heard the words ‘Orville Peck’ and ‘Karaoke’ and ‘Carlos Reyes’ uttered in the same sentence.
A knock at the door interrupted his fantasy and shook his eyeballs. He wondered if Andre had forgotten something. He half-hoped it was the whole gang come to rescue him from his self-pity. He prayed it wasn’t his parents or one of his siblings come to rope him into baby sitting or some family thing.
It wasn’t any of those things.
It was TK.
There was a sheen of sweat across his brow and his hair was stood on end like he had been tugging at it. He was also still in the same clothes he had been wearing when he left. Which meant they were the same clothes that he had been wearing last night. There was a breathless edge to his voice when he asked, “Can I come in?”
Carlos’ brain was working very slowly as he tried to piece together what was happening. TK was here. He had left and now he was back and it didn’t look like he had gone home in between.
“Do you want some juice?” Carlos said because it looked like TK might have run here and it was hot out and seriously his brain must be malfunctioning because he couldn’t discern any meaning from any of the bits of information he was gathering.
TK thanked him and took the juice, tipping his head back and downing it in three large gulps. Carlos watched mesmerised as his throat contracted and released as he swallowed. Helpfully the fog cleared long enough to let the phrase ‘what else that mouth do?’ float across his mind and Carlos pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes and pushed his fingertips into the top of his head as if he was a magic-8 ball and could shake out a rational thought that way.
Eventually he succeeded in asking, “What can I do for you?”
TK stared at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his mouth opened and closed again. He shut his eyes and took a slow, deep inhale, letting it out with a shudder. When he opened his eyes there was a blazing resolve in them. “Did you mean it? What you said last night?”
“Which bit?” Carlos replied apprehensively.
“When you said you don’t want to get over me, did you mean it?”
Carlos stood frozen as his dormant brain suddenly woke up and was now whirring at a speed that sent a roll of nausea through him. He nodded slowly.
“You asked me to stay. Was that… I need to know if that was just because you were drunk or if you really wanted me here.”
He tried to speak but no sound came out. This was his chance and he was going to blow it.
“Carlos, do you want me here?”
“I...I don’t understand what is happening right now TK,” Carlos said, his voice cracking as tears pricked in his eyes.
TK took a step towards him and repeated softly, “Do you want me here?”
“Always.”
All of a sudden TK was on him; his hands on his face, his neck, burying in his hair as their lips crashed together. Carlos was dreaming, he must be, any moment now he would surely wake up. TK’s tongue in his mouth was insistent however and there was a heat pooling in his lower abdomen that could be very embarrassing if he was indeed asleep.
A spark fired somewhere behind his forehead and he gasped out of the kiss. He clasped TK’s wrists, pulling his hands away as he took a step back.
“TK, wait a second. I’m confused. You broke up with me and now you’re here kissing me and I am just really hungover right now and need you to explain, please.”
TK spun away from him and started to pace back and forth in the space between the coffee table and the TV.
“You bought me an apartment Carlos.”
He said it the way someone might say ‘You ran over a dog, Carlos,’ like it was clearly a very bad thing to do and not an incredibly sweet gesture.
Carlos huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. “I still don’t see how that was wrong.”
“You bought me an apartment,” TK repeated, the derision replaced by obvious sadness, “and it was too much, too good. I don’t get to keep good. I don’t deserve good. I knew eventually I would ruin it and ruin you. So I blew it up. When I woke up in the hospital you were there watching over me and it was like concrete proof that all I do is hurt the people I care about most and that I was right to have walked away.”
He stopped pacing and turned to face Carlos square on. “I really thought you would move on. I thought you would forget me and meet someone else and all the pain would be worth it because you could finally be happy with someone who was worthy of you.”
Tears started to stream down Carlos’ face and he ached with understanding. It didn’t make it right but at least now he finally knew why TK had left. “You really are a fucking idiot.”
TK was crying now too and he laughed wetly. “I know that now. Last night when you were on that stage I realised it. I realised I was just scared and I ran, but it gave me hope… and I don’t want to run anymore Carlos. I have been drowning too and I don’t think I’ll stop until I come back home. Back to you. Please tell me I’m not too late. Please tell me you will give me another chance.”
This time it was Carlos who closed the space between them. Carlos who wrapped his arms so forcefully around TK that it lifted him off his feet. He kissed him, first on the lips and then over every inch of his face and neck. He nuzzled his nose into TK’s shirt and inhaled deep lungfuls of his day-old sweat like it was the worlds rarest perfume.
“Does this mean you will take me back?” TK said when they had tumbled onto the couch and lay surrounded by Carlos’ duvet.
Carlos stroked his fingers across TK’s cheek and smiled his first easy smile in months. “What? Do you need me to sing it for you?”
TK laughed but his face suddenly became serious as Carlos actually did start to sing, his lips brushing against TK’s ear as he put as much sincerity and emotion into his words as he had done the night before.
“I love you too Carlos, always and forever.”
Much later that afternoon Carlos sent a picture to Andre; TK curled up on his chest, his face half hidden but radiating happiness as Carlos stared down at him in blissful wonderment.
The video message Carlos received in return, full of air kisses and cheers, showed not only that his friends were happy for him but also that they had indeed not made it past brunch if their presence in the restaurant and the number of empty glasses on the table was anything to go by.