Chapter Text
It happened easily, like breathing almost. The deck is alive with cheers and shouts as the reunions crash around him. Everybody's rejoicing, Ed and Stede are reconciled, everyone's happy and having fun and just elated to be together again.
And then there's Izzy. He's found himself a corner of the Revenge to hide in, somewhere to sulk and slink away. Unable to get below deck, and unable to get to the currently useless dinghies as they hang off the side of the ship, he waits by the stairs, hiding in their shadow. He’s fine here, by himself. Really, they wouldn’t want him on the deck right now anyways. It’s a wonder, he thinks, that he hasn’t been thrown overboard yet. All he needs to do is wait for the right moment, and then he can slink towards the boats and yet, he just sits there.
His hand goes to his empty flask, dry since Blackbeard first reappeared. Maybe it would help if it were full? Full of what though? Would it be like him? Filled with rage and pride and.. Something he can’t put a name to? With a shake of his head, Izzy replaces the flask, and continues to sit on the low box. The crew doesn’t seem to notice his occasional glance, and that’s fine with him. He wouldn’t- can’t interfere with their joy right now.
Izzy thought he knew best. Thought he knew what the crew needed, and what Blackbeard- Ed, needed. He knows better now. He knows he's not wanted anymore. Not by the crew, not by Ed, not by anyone. The next opportunity he gets, he'll get in that dinghy and just.. go. Leave. No one will have to deal with him anymore and he can find a new crew somewhere. It wouldn't be that hard, not when Jackie is always looking for new help. It'll be fine. He'll be fine.
It's Stede who finds him later, unmoved from his perch for several hours. If it was intentional that Stede speak to him, he’d never admit it, for fear of embarrassing Izzy. Izzy looked up as Stede approached, then away again.
"There you are, Israel." Stede holds out a hand, and Izzy flinches, wincing as if he expects to be hit.
"No need to shove, Bon-.. Captain Bonnet." Izzy murmurs, head turned away from him. He started to rise, "I'll be on my way-"
Suddenly there's a hand on Izzy's shoulder.. It's not the slap Izzy expected, no, it’s a gentle shove to stay seated. Izzy looked up, eyes tracing Stede’s hand on his shoulder up to his face. He’d never seen Stede look so full of pity before. Like Izzy was a lost puppy or a child. It made something in Izzy’s gut wrench.
"Israel, I know we've had our differences. And Lord knows I have a million reasons to kick you off this ship and never have you return."
"Then let me go-!" Izzy jerked away from his hand, a sudden pricking coming to his eyes. Must be the sun, clearly, from the dark shadow of the stairs. Stede frowned, then took his shoulder again gently.
"I forgive you, Israel."
"Just fucking-!" Izzy grabs his wrist, then slowly looks up at him as he realizes what he said. "You can't be serious." Izzy’s face twists into a sick grin, his voice mocking but lacking heat. “~Ooh, I forgive you~ Fuck off!”
“You’re right.” Stede frowned, his pity turning to a righteous anger. He kept his voice level, speaking softly so only Izzy could hear him. “I’m livid with you, Izzy, but I can see why you did it. You were trying to protect Ed. It wasn't the right way to go about it, but we can talk about it-”
“Talk?!” Izzy snapped, shoulders raising to his ears. “Talk it through like your pathetic little mantra?! What makes you think I’d want-”
“We both love him,” Stede interrupted, and Izzy’s jaw snapped shut so quickly his teeth clacked. “And we both wanted what was best for him, and we both fucked up." Stede reached up, carefully wiping the tear away from Izzy's face as it escaped over the X on his cheek. Fuck! Izzy was fucking crying?! The fuck is wrong with him?! Izzy froze under his touch, eyes flicking from his fingertips to Stede’s face. The look of pity came back to Stede’s face, and he took a steadying breath before continuing. "If you wish to leave, I won't stop you. But... If you wish to stay, my crew could use a manager. For all your faults, you run a tight ship, and at least know what you’re doing." He gently patted Izzy's cheek, then pulled away, giving Izzy two steps of space between them. "I'll let you think on it, do at least stay the night, I don't want you sailing off in the dark."
"Fuck off, Bonnet." Izzy snaps, but there's no heat behind it.
“As you wish, Hands.” Stede toddled back off to the mast, only glancing back at Izzy when he’d crossed the deck. Izzy didn’t notice though. Twilight was upon them, and the shadow of the stairs hid Izzy well. Only in that shadow’s embrace did Izzy feel he was safe to put his face in his hands and silently weep.