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Saying that he didn’t know what he was getting into would be an understatement to end all understatements.
Uki thought it’d be a good idea. Getting to know each other more intimately, while also having a bit of fun? Sounded like a plan to him.
God, fuck. He shouldn’t have trusted it. He should’ve thought this through more.
When Uki first brought the idea of body swapping technology up to Fulgur, the cyborg immediately agreed. He quipped with a smile that he’d love to be able to read Uki’s mind. ‘You’re so damn quiet and reserved, I wanna know what’s going on up there!’
Turns out, he really didn’t.
Uki was excited to see how Fulgur’s cybernetic arms and legs worked. He wanted to try bench pressing a car, all because Fulgur mentioned that he could. Fulgur chuckled with him about it for a little while, then did end up demonstrating.
Uki wishes he hadn’t had the idea in the first place.
Swapping bodies sounds like fun and games until you get down to what it really means. It’s not just the cool powers you get to experience for a couple hours… it’s also everything else about the person you’re swapping with.
All of their fears and nervous ticks. All of their pain, or lack thereof.
And going from 100% to 0% was painful.
As soon as Uki’s consciousness settles into Fulgur’s body, he feels like the earth is a ball of yarn unraveling at his feet.
Well, that’s not entirely true. He doesn’t feel that, because he can’t feel much of anything.
The only thing keeping himself from regressing inside of his brain is a mellow pain.
He knew about Fulgur’s pain issues before this, but now he can feel them. Comparable to the ambient hum of an air conditioner; definitely there, but not enough to bother you unless you search for it.
And Uki’s grasping at it, trying to find anything to focus on. He feels so dull, so washed out, so empty and alone. Even with Fulgur sitting in front of him, it’s an unbearable loneliness that sits deep in his heart.
Is this really what it was like for Fulgur everyday? Maybe he had come to cope with it? Uki doesn’t know, but he hopes this is a fluke. He wills the feeling to go away, hoping that his insight and power and feeling will come back to him magically, but they don’t.
And if this was what Uki had been resigned to, Fulgur… His Fuu fuu-chan…
Uki recalls the many, many nights he’d lay awake at night in near tears from his power, from the overload of information from other people’s minds. From the throbbing pain each and every thought caused.
He had gotten used to it after a while, of course, even learned how to turn it off while around others. Fulgur, though? Who had no experience with anything like this. It must be agonizing. Overwhelming. Enough to derange if not managed. Especially if this is how he lived his life prior; almost completely numb. The polar opposite.
A gritty moan of pain, followed by a fist clenched around a carbon fiber wrist, pulls Uki back to the current situation and fuck, he just realized what he was doing. If Fulgur is experiencing what Uki had when he first was given his powers…
Fuck, he can’t even think without overloading and hurting Fulgur. How is he not supposed to think?! How is he not to panic over this?! How is he not supposed to shout, hoping that the universe will answer and save him? Bring him back to his own body? Please.
Another set of loud, pitiful sounds from Fulgur makes Uki nervous. Neither of them speak, and Uki tries a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He knows Fulgur needs this. Thankfully the noises do indeed dissipate, and Fulgur seems to be getting a bit better.
But the silence is suffocating for Uki. Having gone from constant noise, to silence. Going from having control beyond his body, to being confined to a head and a torso. The limbs, while just as useful as flesh ones, don’t connect to the brain in the same way. At least not for Uki, they don’t.
Uki grinds his teeth through the anxiety of feeling truly helpless for the first time since he gained his power, then takes a deep breath and speaks. It comes out wonky through the metal vocal chords, but it’s ultimately Uki’s voice spoken out of Fulgur’s mouth.
“Focus, baby.” Uki begs, willing the metal arm to move and gently tap against Fulgur’s side. He doesn’t trust himself to touch directly; he knows how strong these arms are, he knows their crushing power. He does not know how to use them properly. “The voices are a lot. So much, I know. Focus on one of them, or something corporeal. You have to, or else you'll go crazy.” Uki’s voice breaks into a sob and he tries to steel himself against all of this new emotion. He needs to be strong for Fulgur, bring him away from the very real possibility of a shattered psyche, so he can help Uki cope with this feeling.
“Uki, it’s… I-“ Fulgur’s voice breaks too, hands coming up to put pressure on his star-cursed eye. That’s what it is now; no longer a blessing. Uki hopes after this is over, Fulgur will still love that part of him.
“I know! But, please, Fuu fuu-chan!”
He sees Fulgur’s other eye shut and he goes silent, and stops breathing. It makes Uki panic more internally, but he does everything to keep it out of the forefront of his mind. If his leg were made of skin and muscle and bone, it would have been mangled under the pressure of his squeeze. It hurts, and somehow, that pain is calming.
But thankfully, so fucking thankfully, Fulgur takes a big gulp of air and his breathing starts returning to a normal rhythm. His frame shakes as he manages to push the immediate power imbalances away from himself. Uki’s in awe of his fortitude and constitution; that was quicker than it should have been. Or maybe he’s just good at hiding it.
He then looks at Uki, and it’s so odd seeing his own eyes looking at him. Seeing Fulgur’s telltale expression of worry on his features. His frown.
“Uki, baby.”
“Fuu fuu, help me.” Another sob and Fulgur wraps his arms around Uki, and it’s a sensation he can actually feel. He knows that Fulgur could feel through the cynets, but he’s relieved to know that it feels real. It’s grounding, and Uki thinks he’d shatter like a broken mirror if Fulgur let go of him.
So he tells him so. “S-stay. Don’t let go of me, please? Please, please, please.”
“Never. I have you, not gonna let you go ever. I love you, so so much Uki Violeta.” Uki’s own breathing steadies at the kiss Fulgur lays on his furrowed brow.
Trusting was a hard thing for Uki to learn. Hard for him to believe that there were people who wanted to protect him out of pure love, and not because his power was valuable to them. His power helped him to stay strong, to be able to shield himself from that very real and scary action.
But Fulgur was different. He always had been. Uki felt safe with him, ever since the first day they met. He didn’t need to hold that shield anymore, and good thing he didn’t, because it got left in his body.
“I love you so much, Uki. I love you.” The repeated words make Uki’s insides feel like syrup once he realizes why he’s fixated on that phrase. Fulgur set his focus on his love for Uki; his feelings for the psychic grounding himself against those same powers.
“I love you too, Fuu fuu-chan. So much. I need you.”
They sit in silence, and Uki expects that to make his own under-stimulation worse, but Fulgur’s tight grip on his body makes up for the lack ten-fold. This man means the world to him. He doesn’t know how Fulgur deals with this feeling on a daily basis. Maybe that’s why he talks so much; always needing to fill dead air. He definitely owes this man infinitely more hugs every day going forward. And the luxury of listening to his rambles instead of tuning them out.
“Thank fuck this is only temporary.” Though two more hours of this sounds like literal hell, it’s more manageable than it was 10 minutes ago.
Tears of fear and relief stream down Uki’s face and Fulgur wipes them up with a well manicured nail. “Yeah, we’ll make it, baby. Together.”
“Together.”