Chapter Text
It was when he felt confident that Aether had truly disappeared and would not be coming back that he truly allowed himself to slump. He felt himself swaying with the gentle wind, before finally he let his knees buckle underneath him. All the energy to even keep him standing flickered away as he laid exhausted on the dry grass. Xiao was tired, so very tired. He swore to never waver even as karmic debt tainted his every motion, even if every movement was laced with invisible pain that only he, and the other yakshas (if they were still alive) would understand.
His mask broke, however, the thought didn't hit on him until now when he helplessly breathed hastily and shallowly. That was a slap to his face, to allow others to see his mask break like that when he was supposed to make sure they got back safe. Xiao couldn’t help but to feel as if he failed a little. They got back, safe and sound because of him, but he didn’t want to think what would happen if he didn’t have enough adeptal power left to teleport all of them.
The yaksha had been ignoring the throbbing pain and strain of his muscles since he patiently waited for the traveler to bid his companions farewell. He couldn’t comprehend if this was simply because his body was spent, the effects of the chaotic realm, or rather the combination of both and karmic debt. Xiao felt slightly ashamed at himself that he couldn't finish strong, at least he should have enough strength to simply root his feet to the ground. He could only helplessly repose, trying not to pathetically writhe in pain as the tenderness of each muscle and battle injuries that Bosacius left on him pulled at every skin. Disgrace taunting his mind. How could he let himself collapse near the temple to honor pervases’ name.
After a moment of breathing, he lifted his arms, a weak attempt to get him standing again. Before he could even push his body up to lift his other arm off the grass, his arms tremorred and he sacked to the ground beneath him with a small silent thud. He tried once more, but to no avail. It was as if his energy was caving in and not letting itself regenerate. His breaths remained short, ironically, despite how tired he was. In the silent shrill of the night, only his ragged and out of rhymed breath could be heard. The sound of hilichurls around him, ever present in Lingju Pass and Mount Tianheng were taunting his desire to kill that it was irking. Silent breeze suddenly interrupted him, its motions swirled over his body, as if caressing him, before the winds passed and stilled once more.
-
Zhongli stood still over the chasm. He never once left its grounds since he had saved the young adeptus of Guili Plains, only stepping away to leave the chasm bed explorers to themselves. The former archon stood still as his eyes fixed at the ginormous hole at the center of the quarry’s surface, focused, but his mind wandered. He could clearly recall that such a place existed and the reason why the Qixing had, in the end, sealed the chasm away from the people (whether they knew of its true dangers or not, it had been wise). Xiao was fortunate that Zhongli was right on cue to save him. It was both a close call but not at the same time. He was constantly worried about him. Even now, he could gently feel that his soul was struggling, yet he wasn't sure if Xiao wanted him to intervene, he would gladly do it with a blink of an eye, should the adeptus ask for help. Zhongli knew he would never.
The man sighed, crossing his arms. At the same time, he felt another strong presence suddenly but gracefully making a grand entrance behind him. He was acquainted with such gentle aura for thousands of years that it was never amiss to identify to whom it belonged to.
“Chasm, huh?” The familiar voice of the energetic bard chimed, piercing through the silence of the night.
“What makes your visit here? As I recall you have a recital at one of Mondstadts tavern tonight?” Zhongli questioned.
“Never knew the old block-head would even remember my schedule! I definitely have made myself a name as Mondstadts’ best bard.” Venti rejoiced, once again testing Zhongli’s patience (as he always does). The taller figure sighed as he turned around to face the dark blue haired bard, the other last remaining original seven. ‘It is impossible when you rub it in my face that time I visited your beloved city.’ he retorted in his head.
“Get to the point, Barbatos.” Exasperated, Zhongli crossed his arms.
“Alright, Alright! I would sit for an idle chit chat with the Mighty and Powerful Rex Lapis,” Venti purposely teased and Zhongli rolled his eyes. “But! One of your adepti is in great pain. The gentle wind carried his silent cries to me as I walked towards Angel’s Share.”
Now that caught his attention. Zhongli knew he should have immediately seen Xiao himself. He had been hesitant, not wanting to disturb the adeptus more than what he had endured as Xiao might feel reluctant with. He felt a pang of guilt clenching his chest at his own negligence. He couldn't measure how severe he was affected, but to arouse worry in Venti was something that was indeed serious. Something in the Chasm had harmed Xiao, and Zhongli would not allow Xiao to suffer alone. The brunette nodded at him in response.
“I see. I do feel he is troubled. The grounds of Southeastern Lingju Pass vibrated, but I do not want to distress him even more.” Zhongli reasoned, shutting his eyes calmly.
“Wow… for a person as wise as you, this judgment isn’t pointed. It is time to answer the troubled.” Venti bluntly scolded him. “HA! I rhymed!”
“Perhaps I should see him myself, thank you, Barbatos.”
“You're welcome!” Venti saluted.
Both went on their individual ways, Venti back to Mondstad while Zhongli teleported himself quickly to the nearest point he could reach Xiao. Right as Barbatos had said, he could hear the harsh breathing as he set foot to the ground. If it wasn't for the silent night, he would have missed it. He knew of this temple, and just below the ground he stood on, a figure folding on itself in a fetal position. He studied Xiao as his chest rose and fell sharply, hitching with every breath he took.
Zhongli gently descended to the ground beneath, closing their distance as kindly as he could and then kneeling beside the figure, hand caressing and running through Xiao’s hair. Xiao looked even younger than he was ever before with him being surprisingly vulnerable like this. He heard him sharply gasped, tensing at the touch before he forced himself to uncurl himself and justified himself. Even as his strength dissipated, Xiao still tried to sit up in his presence when it wasn’t necessary.
-
Xiao heard it when the two firm feet set on the ground above him. When the ever strong presence, even with the absence of his gnosis, stood above him on the nearest grounds. He felt even more ashamed as he tried to get himself together. He knew that, in spite of his futile attempts, his lord had already looked at his pathetic form. Thoughts run through his head as he tries to hold in his sorry excuse of an attempt to breathe normally. He couldn't bear the thought of Rex Lapis being disappointed in him. He calls himself adeptus, yet he couldn't even stay strong enough to escape without involving his resting lord and disturbed him further.
He heard the silent footsteps and the thud as the other approached him. He could feel himself trembling as he kept his gaze ahead, not daring to look at the strong figure now present beside him. What he didn't expect was the gentle touch that suddenly landed on his skull. He let out a harsh exhale at that as he tried so hard not to lean onto the touch. It was only then, that Xiao felt the strong urge to force himself with what strength he had left to face his master, but a warm grip pushed him back to the ground by the shoulder as he tried to summon a little of his energy to lift himself.
“...My lord-” Xiao's voice cracked. He internally winced at how strained and tired he sounded.
“We’ve discussed this, call me by my mortal name. Oh, and please, save your strength, you have endured enough for the day and I do not wish you to intensify your injuries further.” He spoke kindly, cutting him short before he could protest. He saw the pair of cor lapis irises moved to scan his body, hardly showing any facade other than his seriousness. Xiao knew better, however, he could see the subtle sheen of upset in his eyes as he studied his battered body and it made him want to shy away from him as far as possible. Once again he had caused problems for him for today.
“I apologize for overstepping your personal space, but please allow me.”
Xiao furrowed his eyebrows at his last sentence, but then the hand retracted away from his head and before he could process what was happening, he felt himself departing from the ground below him as two strong arms, one under his shoulder blade and the other under his knees, raised him. He could now see his master’s face through the clouded mind, before shortly averting his gaze from the warm gaze. Xiao weakly struggled against him, despite his muscle screaming at him, but the grip around him firmed, warning him to stay still.
“That’s quite enough, I don’t want you to harm yourself further, Xiao.” Zhongli commented, his voice full of patience that Xiao felt was undeserved. Xiao had always troubled him, but his never ending patience was there to greet him. He would usually argue once again, but this time he knew his place. How could he test him, who was he to do so?
He heard him sighed. “I really do hope you will start asking for help if something troubles you.”
"This is not necessary, I can walk on my own." Xiao argued in defiance.
He felt so little at the moment, every fiber of himself hated the feeling of being vulnerable like a child. His heart was thumping lively against his ribcage and it took a moment for him to realize that his body was quivering against the contact. Was he scared of his master? Perhaps… Because he was never proficient in reading emotions, let alone Rex Lapis’. It was so easy to figure out battle tactics or the tricks up against his opponents sleeves, even the most sly of them all, it wasn't something he couldn't handle. But emotion? Such a feeble thing wasn't Xiao's area of expertise and he didn't want to figure out what Zhongli was thinking.
In the end, no words were exchanged between the two before he felt a sudden dizzy spell cast upon him, the background around Zhongli’s figure blurred and quickly transitioned to a familiar place. Xiao has stepped here once and once only when Zhongli had summoned him to have tea with him. They, or rather Zhongli with Xiao in his arms, stood in the entrance of his modest abode in one of Liyue's residents. It wasn't incredibly spacious, but Zhongli managed to keep it organized and clean.
The adeptus had only ventured into his living room on his last visit, respecting his lord’s space. His living room was lit mellowly, the warm hue of the lamp at the corner of the room made it homey. The mild scent of incense and honey lingered in the air, calming Xiao’s nerves, despite the feeling of awkwardness and amiss. Does Zhongli light incense? Ironic… Xiao internally processed. He dismissed the thought that the smell might be coming from the neighbors. Wherever it came from, it was comforting.
Imagine his surprise to know that they were not settling in the living room, but instead, he swerved into a corridor before entering a dark room. The silhouette of a bed and a bedside table could be seen with the aid of the light from the corridor.
"Are you cold?" Zhongli questioned as he moved deeper into the room, approaching the bed "Liyue's air is fairly warm, but you are shivering. "
"I'm fine." He murmured, and Zhongli frowned at that as he set down his aching body on the mattress. “Xiao, I need you to be forthright with your injuries because I-”
He couldn’t hold back the small and content exhale as his head hit the pillow, it was kind of nice… the former Geo Archon couldn't help but to chuckle. Xiao remained vigilant, however, keeping his eyes opened despite how much it threatened to flutter shut.
"I should perhaps say, 'make yourself comfortable', but it seems there's no need for that.” Smiling, he turned towards the bedside table to light up the lantern. The once dark room was now lit with hues of orange and yellow.
Tenderly, Zhongli removed his right glove before bringing the back of his palms to touch Xiao’s forehead. It was moderately warm, but it didn’t explain why Xiao was shivering even in the comfort of his warm house. That could only mean that his body was betraying whatever tough front he was using, and that Xiao was holding back a tremendous pain. It could be from his scar on his arms, it looked deep and not ordinarily caused by any force of this world. Or it could be the lack of sleep and fatigue. It wasn’t a surprise to the former Archon, as Xiao and the others had an encounter with a dimension that nullifies one’s sense of time while juggling pockets of spaces.
From the start of his journey, Zhongli had patiently waited for Xiao to report back to him as soon as he had completed his journey, but despite so a knot formed deep within him that he couldn’t untie. In this mortal form, he couldn’t control the rocks and lands beneath him as he wished, the former glory of the Geo Archon had fallen and now only this mere mortal resided. It was fortunate that Xiao had neared the surface, enough for him to summon his powers to save him. Anytime later, it would have been too late, and Zhongli would be tested with another added grief and guilt on his shoulders.
He snapped his attention back to Xiao, pushing his own feelings aside. It wasn’t the time for him to focus on his fears, the one important thing was that Xiao was here where he could see the young adeptus himself with his own eyes. By the time Zhongli averted his attention back to him, Xiao had fallen into an unsteady slumber. His stubbornness wouldn’t let himself fully rest even if he needed one. Sighing, he stepped out, heading towards the kitchen to get the supplies of medical aids available to aid Xiao's pain the best he could.
-
When Xiao opened his eyes, he felt something cool resting against his forehead. He was aware of how someone was lifting his injured arm, resting the elbow down on a makeshift surface while soft fabric was being wrapped around his upper arm. He blinked blearily at the boring and unfamiliar ceiling, trying to get rid of the haziness. Looking to his side, he recognized Zhongli sitting on a chair, focused on swaddling his arm with a pristine white bandage over his injury. That’s when he got painfully aware of the aches and tension of his muscles that was still present or maybe severed as he napped.
The next thought to hit him was how embarrassed he felt. Falling asleep in Zhongli's bedroom wasn’t on his agenda. His agenda was immediately get the former Archon to do whatever he deemed “necessary” and he’ll go back to his never-ending duty as the protector of Liyue. Collapsing on the grass because of exhaustion was entirely favourable, at least he didn't have to worry about once again being indebted to his former Archon.
“I see you’re awake. How are you feeling? You didn’t sleep for long, so I don’t think that rest made any significant difference to your body.” The familiar deep voice interrupted his train of thoughts. “The laceration on your arm is deep enough to warrant you sutures.”
Oh so that was where the slight tug was coming from.
“My wounds will heal on their own quickly. It’s just a flesh wound.” Xiao tried to reason, but he knew it was futile.
“Yet you still get yourself infected. Flesh wounds are not to be underestimated, the wounds you sustained have obviously been there for a while. The chasm bed has altered and deranged your internal clock. It will take some time for your internal clock system to reset itself, given that you were down there for quite some time.” Xiao was displeased with that strip of information.
It meant that his wound was going to heal slower. He wondered just how long it would take for his body to shake off the remaining effects of the Chasm’s hex. Like any other else, Xiao just has to be patient once again, not that he can do anything to reverse its effects. Aether and Yanfei were talking about how each of their perceptions of time was distorted, hunger and fatigue didn’t seem to affect them. It was true, at least before Xiao encountered Bosacius’ remnants. Afterwards, the Conqueror of Demon felt as if he had spent the entire time down there fighting countless foes.
Xiao didn’t admit it, but the repetitive movement of the bandage wrapping around his arm was solacing. Years ago, just being present beside his lord that freed him from his shackles would immensely ease karma’s grip on his soul. Old habits die hard it seems, even in this mortal form, Xiao’s karma receded slightly. He was forever grateful and indebted to the man beside him. The yaksha wondered endlessly how he was supposed to repay his mercy.
“I need you to sit up, do you need help with that?” Zhongli prompted when he had tucked the end of the loose bandage underneath the layers he neatly done. Then he lifted the soft rag that sat on his forehead and returned it into a small wooden bucket beside the chair.
“I can do it myself.” The yaksha answered in defiance, not of confidence.
“Alright, I trust you with that.”
Sluggishly, Xiao lifted his head and folded his left arm underneath to give leverage. In spite of the tremble surging through his upper body, Xiao pushed himself against the bed and managed to sit up right. Although the man didn’t ask, the adeptus forced his body to twist so that he sat on the edge of the bed, toes slightly dangling, not being able to touch the floor.
The room came into view, and now the furniture of the room could be seen. It was a quick conclusion to make, but Xiao knew this wasn’t a space Zhongli often used to rest. The absence of contents on the study table across the room was one evidence. Another one was how there was no personalisation of the room, everything seemed plain. It could just be Zhongli’s preference to be minimal, but Xiao thought Zhongli would at least keep stationers, due to his profession as a mortal.
“I’d like to clean and cover that cut on your cheek. Do you have any other injuries?” He brought his attention back.
“No, I-”
“Xiao.” Zhongli warned. His eyes sternly looked at Xiao’s identical golden ones, unwilling to brush the topic lightly.
Xiao couldn’t understand him and once again he felt little. The comfortable silence between them just a moment ago shifted to a cold and tense one that he couldn’t bear to withstand holding his gaze back at him. Reluctantly he slightly turned his head down to the side, troubled and confused, unable to maintain eye contact. He could practically feel the scrutinising gaze that silently studied him as the silent stretched. Finally he heard the other sighed.
“I wish you could be straightforward. I don’t like knowing that I could have done something about those extra injuries that you hide once you leave-”
“Why do you care so much?” Xiao muttered, cutting his words. He was aware that it would have been very disrespectful of him to do so. “I am but a humble weapon of your orders.”
Zhongli looked at Xiao, slightly surprised that this once yaksha of his really thought that he should not be taken care of. Perhaps it was one of Zhongli’s shortcomings, not checking on him time after time that the slightest hint of care would disturbed Xiao’s conscience. Zhongli wanted nothing more than Xiao to realise that he cared for him, that he wasn’t just a mere weapon that he carelessly chose eons ago. He didn’t intend to belittle Xiao with pity if this was what, he guessed, to be the stem of the elephant in the room. With his days in millenia spent with losing those he held dearly in high regards, he couldn't bear the thought of losing or seeing those he had left hurting alone.
“Xiao, look at me.”
Despite the request, he didn’t budge. Zhongli brought a hand up underneath his chin, tilting his head, forcing Xiao to look at him. Zhongli needed to ensure his words got through and had it wrapped around his head. The younger didn't struggle against it, surprisingly. Zhongli took a moment to study him, deep within his eyes was genuine confusion.
“The contract I had with you was a ground that I created to base my protection of you as long as you honoured the contract. I have never for once overlooked your efforts to protect Liyue, and even now that the God of Contracts have ceased, you still obediently honoured your end of the contract, thus requiring me to fulfill my side of the contract to protect you the best I can. However, contracts aside, do you really think I wouldn’t, even the slightest bit, regard you as a dear friend of mine?”
“I am not your friend!” Xiao lashed out. He could no longer hold himself. His fingers involuntarily gripped the fabric of his pants on his knees. “I am not worthy of the title! I can’t-” you should spare your care for someone else.
Xiao tripped on his own words, he couldn’t voice the thoughts spawning freely in his head. He couldn’t articulate his words to illustrate his feelings without sounding pathetic and ungrateful. He realised that there were so many things wrong with what he said just now. Other people would be delighted to hear that Rex Lapis considered them as friends. He felt unworthy, too tainted and nothing compared to him. If he were to use the excuse of his past, it would be insulting to Rex Lapis’ mercy, there was nothing to gain from mulling over his muddled past.
Xiao was still baffled and lost with the whole Rex Lapis “dying” concept. What was he supposed to do? What would Rex Lapis want him to do? Now with this figure of a man who persistently told him that he was no longer the Geo Archon, but Zhongli was still Morax who wanted nothing more but to move on? He couldn't pretend that he wasn't upset by the whole fiasco. First leaving everything he had, forsaken his identity and then reappearing as this man who sat in front of him, very much mortal with no gnosis. He learned later that he surrendered his gnosis away willingly. There was nothing to do than to respect that decision and he tried to follow along, staying still like the rocks, persistently protecting Liyue, because that was his purpose.
But Xiao was tired. ‘No, I need to keep going.” All he wanted to do was to go slack in solitude, maybe slumber for eons. ‘I’d be a disgrace to Morax..’ It was Morax’s time to retire and take it slow. ‘But, I’m tired too!’
The more he resisted and denied his own feelings, the more painful his karmic debt clawed at his body. Suddenly being with Zhongli amplified its claws and dug even deeper into him. The voices that he managed to bury down with centuries of practice sprung back to life at the worst possible time. The flashes of memories clouded his mind as he continued trying to bring his breath to calm itself, but his heart was once again thumping wildy. It all became too loud, the screams of souls that he banished and the guilt he bears for those innocent souls of the past that had to succumb with his reckless nature. He was so tired, so tired. The familiar ache and exhaustion was coming back, it felt as if his body was collapsing inwards. He’s faltering, he’s once again wavering.
Suddenly, within the darkness a voice erupted, cathartic and divine.
“Cease!”
Just like that the raging waves of thoughts in his mind cleared, steadied, stagnant. His body suddenly felt so warm and the pain had reduced to nothing but a dull throb that it was overwhelming. The last of those damned voices had succumbed and like the firm command, it ceased.
“Xiao,” the previous voice came back, this time rigid, bearing authority and divinity.
He didn’t realise that he had shut his eyes until he opened them again. The adeptus realised that his body had gone limp and once more Zhongli had supported him. Xiao’s head slumped on his shoulder, forehead pressed firmly against it as two fingers rubbed circles around his temple. His other hand held his upper body from slumping awkwardly against him. Xiao was too exhausted to feel embarrassed, the motion on his temple was grounding and it felt really relieving.
“Are you back, young adeptus?” Zhongli softly whispered, not wanting to startle him.
“I’m sorry…” Came his voice, weak, barely anything but a whisper.
“No need for apologies, I am more than glad to help.”
“...Why…”
Xiao felt himself being pushed away from the warmth and gingerly being allowed to lean back to the cushioned couch behind him. It took a great effort to keep his head from lolling sideways, but he managed either way, not wanting to further complicate the matter.
“It is best that we continue that discussion for another time, after you are well rested.” Zhongli replied, turning his body to take the clean bowl of saline that sat idly on top of the coffee table behind him.
Quickly, yet cautiously, Zhongli worked to clean the wound and the area around its jagged skin on his cheek. Unlike mortals who bled when suffering physical traumas, Xiao’s energy evaporated like vapour coming out of his body. The layer underneath his skin was dark green and comic looking, giving out mist of those green particles. That was Xiao’s form of bleeding. Once the consultant had applied some traditional herbal salve, he unwrapped a gauze pad from its packaging and gently placed it over the cut, securing it with medical adhesive strips.
The silence was once again comfortable, as Zhongli treated the wounded area below his cheekbone. The whole time, Xiao couldn’t help but to truly wonder if he did mean that much to the former Archon. A small part of him was still stubbornly denying his words, yet the entire time, Zhongli had shown nothing but care. Xiao searched for his eyes, despite his inability to accurately figure out emotions, Xiao couldn't detect any faltering in the other’s emotions. His hand stayed steady as stone, but his touch meant no harm or suggesting anything that he was displeased with Xiao’s behaviour just now.
“Xiao, I’ll ask again, do you have any other injuries that I should be informed about?”
Xiao paused. He decided that he had no choice but to be frank. So, Xiao sighed defeatedly.
“My ribs.” He started as he brought up a hand to his left side where it hurt the most. He pressed his finger lightly against the sore area. “I don’t think anything is broken, but breathing hurts.”
He remembered how Bosacius’ illusion kicked him to the ground and knocked the air out of his lungs. Thankfully he quickly recovered before waves of electro hands were sent his way. Illusion or not, Bosacius was a strong warrior, stronger and more formidable than Xiao could be. Despite being foes, the fight sent waves of nostalgia over his heart, remembering those golden times where Bosacius and Xiao would spar together.
“Thank you, I’ll leave you to rest here after you drink your medicine.” Zhongli nodded as he responded, twisting his body around to grab Xiao’s medicine.
“I- Thank you, my lo- Zhongli, but I’m alright resting somewhere else. I don’t want to be a burden.” Xiao shifted, his body still felt weak accompanied with the dull throb running through him.
“I insist that you stay here.’ Zhongli’s voice stern but held its authentic gentleness that Xiao couldn't dismiss. “I do not want to risk you in another great danger where I cannot aid you in this state.”
Xiao audibly grumbled, “I’ll be fine.”
“Perhaps… But please, for my peace of mind, stay.” Zhongli looked deep into his eyes, fondly yet firmly looking at him. His gaze spoke a word through his eyes, ‘stay.’
It wasn’t as if Xiao couldn’t barge out of his door right now. He could just easily teleport himself away, now that Zhongli was almost done. However, when the older man said it like that, it was as if more salt was rubbing on his already brined wound, he couldn’t say no. It would be, firstly, too disrespectful, secondly, he didn't want to be more of a trouble than he already was. So, with a carefully suppressed sigh, he nodded.
Zhongli hummed in acknowledgement. He proffered a small, translucent teal vial that he was familiar with, as well as a cup of water. Xiao was usually capable of downing the pungent concoction with no trouble, judging that the water was unneeded. However when he downed that medicine in one go he couldn't hold back the cough that wrecked his body. His tongue tasted a strongly bitter remedy, not the usual bitter that Remedium Tertiorum usually comes with. With each hack his ribs complained, it wasn't something that he couldn’t handle honestly, yet he told Zhongli that it hurt. The cough passed fairly quick, but Zhongli’s gaze had a tint of warm concern within. Xiao instinctively brought up the glass of water in his left hand and drank the water empty.
“Ah I apologise, it is rather strong- please don’t throw it up.” Zhongli hastened to slightly outstretch his arm, reaching for the bucket of water with the rag inside, when Xiao reflectively gagged.
“There now, deep breaths.” Zhongli coaxed and Xiao followed.
After a couple breaths, Xiao was confident that the bile in his stomach wouldn't be picking fights with him anymore. He felt oddly light now and his eyelids grew heavy with each breath that he took. It made him wonder just what was in that vial. Despite the growing curiosity, he found himself having no desire to move elsewhere. Crashing on Zhongli's guest bed was suddenly not such a bad idea. Xiao heard a soft chuckle as his eyes fluttered. Out of the blue, the world in front of him panned slowly, but he couldn't find it in him to fight against the careful grip that laid him down.
“Sleep, little one.”
And for once, Xiao, who avoided sleep like the plague, slumbered. In the watch of a mortal who he trusted with his life, he felt safe and sound.