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Nazuna was used to Mitsuru’s energetic nature, as well as his inclination for skinship. He found Mitsuru’s demeanor endearing - he held love for all of his juniors and their differing attributes. Nazuna was fiercely protective over his unitmates, and the way Mitsuru all but threw himself into Nazuna’s arms did nothing more but ignite his adoration for the younger.
Mitsuru running circles around his unitmates during post-practice was expected, burning off his excess energy as Nazuna congratulated his juniors on their hard work, and planning what they’d cover for their next meeting before the SS. Mitsuru had found himself practically wrapped around Hajime, the small boy surprisingly being able to keep up with Mitsuru’s energy, Tomoya scolding Mitsuru, and Nazuna couldn’t do anything but laugh and shake his head at their usual antics.
“Same place, same time tomorrow - got it?” Nazuna was met with a chorus of “got it!”’s, and his smile could only grow at his kids’ eagerness to keep practicing and improving.
“Nii-chan!” Mitsuru had unwrapped himself from around Hajime, and was making his way towards Nazuna for a parting hug - another tradition that Nazuna had fondly found himself looking forward to.
“Mitsuru-chin!” Nazuna met his enthusiasm, holding his arms out, steadying himself for Mitsuru’s affection.
Nazuna was less ready than he thought.
Mitsuru launched himself with Nazuna’s arms with more force than he expected, both boys tumbling to the ground with an audible “oof!”.
Mitsuru sheepishly giggled as he rolled himself off of Nazuna, but he instantly grew silent when he noticed Nazuna’s bloodied knees, then the senior’s blank expression. Tomoyo and Hajime stood close, quiet as well, unsure if they should say something, reach out..?
“Ah.. Nii-chan, I’m really sorry about your knees..”
Nazuna blinked once. Then twice. He looked down at his knees. He hadn’t even felt it, if he was honest. All he could feel was a deep pressure on his chest, despite Mitsuru already rolling off of him. Why was it so difficult to breathe?
Tomoyo and Hajime exchanged looks with each other, then with Mitsuru, who looked close to tears. They’d never seen their nii-chan so silent, so empty.. The older boy was frozen in place. Not angry, not sad, just staring down at his knees with eyes that looked almost hollow. Their senior looked lifeless, as if all of the air was let out of him. He almost looked like.. an abandoned doll, tossed to the ground without a single care.
Nazuna finally looked up at his juniors, blinked once, and when he opened his eyes again, he wasn’t outside. He was in the Handicrafts Room.
“Nazuna-nii? Ya alright?”
Nazuna’s vision was blurry, but he could distinctly make out Mika’s worried form.
He bit his lip, glancing down at his scraped knees, then back up at Mika. But.. He could have sworn..
Right.. He had slipped during rehearsal. He tripped over nothing, falling down to his butt, and somehow hitting his knees against the tiled floor on the way down.
The blood didn’t bother Nazuna, but the approaching form appearing behind Mika did.
“Honestly, Nito! You can’t be making mistakes like this! Stakes are high right now! Your skin is too perfect to be getting all bloody like that - what am I supposed to do with you now?”
Shu clicked his tongue, hands on his hips as he looked down at the fallen boy. Usually Shu would be fretting over any slight injury Nazuna took, to which Nazuna would try his best not to squirm in discomfort, but the Shu standing over him just looked angry. He’d been so stressed with everything going on with fine, he’d been snapping at Mika, and even Nazuna, more and more. A part of Nazuna missed the dotting Shu, even if the constant compliments, and sometimes invasive, compliments made Nazuna’s skin crawl. Anything but this.
Nazuna pressed his fingers to his throat, wishing, begging, that he could get anything out. Shu looked a thousand feet tall standing above Nazuna like that. He seemed so far away - too far to even reach out and touch.
Mika knelt down next to Nazuna, a quiet “‘ere, lemme help ya with that..” barely leaving his lips before he was cast aside by Shu.
“Don’t dirty him with your filthy hands, Kagehira!” Nazuna was helpless but to watch. Tears welled up in his eyes, the guilt and frustration becoming too much to bear. He didn’t dare let a single tear fall, knowing that Shu hated to see him cry. The consequences would only be worse.
Nazuna shut his eyes, desperately trying to blink away any tears. When he opened his eyes again, he expected to see gold and blue, pained as he wanted to take Mika and leave, just leave, and never look back at Yumenosaki.
Instead, he was greeted with a relatively simpler sight. He was outside, not in the Handicrafts Room anymore. The sun was bright, and his juniors (his beautiful, kind, smart juniors) were looking over him, each with a concerned look on their faces.
Nazuna took a shuddering breath.
It was just a memory. Nothing more.
“Nii-chan..? Have I done something bad..?” The look on Mitsuru’s face was all too familiar. Eyebrows drawn tight with the force it took not to cry, because crying would only make them more angry, right? Nazuna’s heart sank with the realization that Mitsuru’s expression mirrored his younger self.
The difference was Nazuna wasn’t Shu. Nazuna wasn’t stricken with grief and perfection. Nazuna ran away from that life, and with running came changes. He was their senior, their leader, their nii-chan. He had to be, needed to be, their guiding light through a world that was a little too cruel to those who didn’t deserve it. Nazuna’s old life was left behind, and with that came the responsibility of making sure that his unitmates never, ever, felt the same suffocating pressure that he had all those months ago.
Smiling wasn’t easy, and he was sure his kids could see right past it, but it was what Nazuna needed to do. He reached up to ruffle Mitsuru’s hair, and his body filled with relief as Mitsuru didn’t flinch away the way Nazuna would, instead pushing up into his palm.
“N-Nah.. Just got the wind knocked out of me. You’re a good kid, Mitsuru-chin. Tomo-chin, Hajime-chin, you both as well. I-I-” Nazuna took in a shaky breath. He’s their senior, he has to be put together for them. He has to be the one to keep them away from any of the pain of Nazuna’s past. “I’m really proud of you all. Thank you for looking out for your nii-chan.”
Nazuna’s kids were smart, knowing that something had happened when Nazuna fell. But Nazuna didn’t elaborate further, and they didn’t ask. Not out of malice, but an understanding that went beyond being unitmates. They were family, and Nazuna was going to do what he could to keep his family together. He couldn’t lose another family.
(Nazuna made sure to hug each boy a little too tightly on his way out.)