Chapter Text
The Revenge had shrunk into a dot on the horizon by now.
Everyone appeared so defeated, awaiting death either by sprawling out on the pathetic excuse for an island or sulking (or both). No one wanted to speak. It would have been silent were it not for the sea.
Tears welled in your eyes and a lump formed in your throat. Everything, the conflict, the revenge, the betrayals, had culminated in this, and you weren’t sure that you could hold it in any longer. Even after being part of Stede’s crew, the thought of crying in front of the others was mortifying. They were in the same situation as you, and none of them were crying about it, were they?
Still, what you wanted and what you needed were completely different things. That’s why you finally allowed your sobs to escape. You buried your face in your hands, which were immediately dampened by your tears (and the sheen of sweat that had formed thanks to the harsh rays of the sun).
One by one, the crew looked over at you, something you didn’t notice because your eyes were covered and you had your back to most of them..
“Are they crying?” Wee John asked in a hushed voice- an attempt at one, anyway. You didn’t bother wondering who he was speaking to.
After around a minute, your sobs dissolved into sniffling and whimpering. You peeled your palms from your face, dried them on your shirt then used the backs of your hands to wipe away your tears and snot.
Oluwande examined your face (or what he could see of it), though he was more than aware that you were upset (and he could hazard a guess as to why). After a moment of thought, he rested a hand on your shoulder and gently squoze it. It silenced you for a moment, taking you by surprise. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Buttons shuffle over to you, situating himself at your side.
“Don’t worry yourself, mate,” Buttons assured. “We won’t eat you first, will we, lads?”
Well, it was a very on-brand attempt to ease your suspected worry. Black Pete, Roach, Wee John and the Swede muttered a series of noncommittal responses.
Oluwande sent him a glare.
“I don’t think that’s exactly what they’re crying about, Buttons.”
“Oh, so they’re fretting about us only having seawater to drink?”
“I’m pretty sure they’re upset about the… general hopelessness of this situation.”
“That’s fair enough. I, myself, am primarily concerned about the fact that the chances of us all getting out of this with our lives and our flesh intact are looking pretty slim at the moment.”
Oluwande went to speak, but you beat him to it.
“Eat me first.” you mumbled monotonously. “I don’t care.”
Oluwande swallowed his saliva, his eyes wide with worry. Sure, things were looking beyond bleak, but no one else had offered to sacrifice themself like that, especially in such a casual tone.
“Y/N…” he faltered. “I know things are looking pretty dire right now, but-”
“I don’t care about that, either. Not really, anyway.”
The crew glanced around at one another in confusion, though you only noticed Buttons and Olu exchanging a puzzled look
“What’s troubling you, then?” Buttons questioned.
You tensed up at that moment. Oluwande felt you stiffen beneath his touch.
For a moment, nothing happened. No one spoke. You glanced over to Oluwande as he turned to face Black Pete, Roach, the Swede and Wee John, who all knitted their brows as he looked around at them expectantly.
“Come on, guys.” Olu urged.
“What?” Black Pete asked in a cranky tone, finally sitting up.
“Get in a circle.”
“What are you on about?” Roach questioned.
“We’re gonna talk it through as a crew.”
Your shoulders sank, but you turned to face the rest of the crew anyway. Buttons did the same.
“Talk what through?” the Swede said cluelessly.
He crawled over to join the almost-circle. Roach moved over and sat beside him.
“Well, we’re all in the same shit situation, but I’m guessing some of us are thinking about different things.” Olu shrugged. “So, why don’t we talk about it? It might make us feel a bit better, and that’s all we can really do right now.”
Black Pete groaned and shuffled over to beside Roach.
“Oh, alright, then.” Wee John conceded with a huff. He wedged himself between Buttons and Black Pete.
The crew (or what was left of it) sat there with similar solemn expressions. At first, the only sound (aside from the sea) was your sniffling as you continued to brush away your tears. Oluwande glanced around at everyone.
“Um…Does anyone have anything they want to share?” he began uncertainly. He lacked the confidence of Stede, who would have persisted with this exercise without acknowledging his crew’s noticeable bewilderment and lack of enthusiasm.
All he received were blank stares, or, in the case of you and Black Pete, a complete avoidance of meeting his gaze.
“Why don’t I go first then?” Olu suggested. He took in a deep breath and drummed his fingers against the ground. He focused on them as he spoke.
“Jim… and Frenchie are both still on the ship,” Olu explained. “I mean, I think they are. We don’t really know what’s going on. All we know is we were left here, probably to die, and they weren’t. I’m worried something bad could happen to them, too.”
You understood where he was coming from. While you were all certain on some level that most, if not all, of you were going to die on this island, no one knew what would happen to Jim or Frenchie. Not knowing was far worse than knowing, at least that’s what you thought.
“Can’t be anything worse than this, can it?” Roach shrugged.
“Of course it can.” Black Pete scoffed. “Are you forgetting they’re on the same ship as one of the deadliest pirates to ever live, and the dick who… gleefully rowed us out here to die?”
You bit your lip and scratched your cheek uncomfortably.
“I thought Blackbeard was nice now.” the Swede chimed in.
“Leaving us stranded in the middle of the ocean isn’t what I’d consider ‘nice’.”
Oluwande sighed. A melancholy silence fell over you.
“If I managed to survive being part of Blackbeard’s crew, odds are Jim’ll be alright.” you commented. “I’m not so sure about Frenchie. Hopefully, they’ll both be okay.”
“I hope so too.”
Olu cleared his throat.
“Who wants to go next?”
Black Pete sighed.
“I’ll go.” he reluctantly volunteered.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, mate.” Olu insisted, picking up on Pete’s hesitance.
“No, it’s fine.” Pete assured, waving his hand dismissively.
“Alright, then. Go ahead.”
“Well, as you all know, Lucius has been missing since last night.” Black Pete began. “After what Blackbeard did to us… fuck knows what happened to him.”
“What are you guys worrying about other people for?” Wee John probed.
“We know what’s gonna happen to us.” Pete answered grimly. “All we really have to worry about now is what’s happening to the people we… love.”
You clenched your jaw and huffed. Unfortunately, the others heard the hoarse rumble.
“Ah, so that’s what’s troubling you.” Buttons concluded.
“What?”
“Love.”
It wasn’t just the sun that was heating up your cheeks now, was it? You looked down as you rubbed your forearm anxiously.
“No…”
“Well, that was the worst lie I’ve ever heard.” Black Pete snorted.
You didn’t bother to argue. Somehow, you were already neck deep in a hole you’d managed to dig in less than 10 seconds.
“Aye,” Buttons agreed. “They’re not even denying it.”
“I didn’t know you were having any… love problems, Y/N.” Oluwande commented in a gentle (and somewhat intrigued) tone.
“Who is it?” Wee John blurted.
“No.”
“You can’t leave it at that, though! Especially when you were crying about it a minute ago.”
“They don’t have to answer if they don’t want to.” Olu argued in an attempt at mediation.
“Can we guess?” Roach requested.
“Why do you even care?” you snapped, raising your hands in exasperation
“There’s nothing else to do.”
“My personal problems aren’t something ‘to do’, Roach.”
“Come on. Me and Olu said our things.” Black Pete tried
You groaned and ran your hand over your face. He made a decent point. It must have taken a lot for them to open up like that, and you refusing to do so wasn’t exactly in the spirit of things. Besides, you’d probably be dead in a few days anyway. The least you could do is provide them with something they would find vaguely entertaining.
“Fine.” you conceded through gritted teeth. “I’ll answer your questions if you promise not to be total bellends about it.”
They all uttered a kind of agreement. You sat there stiffly for a moment, attempting to blink away the fresh tears burning your eyes.
“So, who is it?” Wee John repeated.
“Just so we’re clear, you’ve all agreed that, if even one of you is a bellend about the next word that comes out of my mouth after this sentence, I’m not going to elaborate any further.”
You suspected they figured out which of them you were directly addressing with that warning.
“Just get on with it, man.” Roach ordered.
You took in a deep breath and scratched your neck.
Part of you hoped they didn’t hear you when you reluctantly mumbled, “Izzy.”
“Izzy as in… Izzy Hands?” Black Pete questioned incredulously.
“Mhm.” you hummed, as though the admission caused you pain. Your fingertips trailed to your forehead, which you massaged out of impulse.
Silence. It was better than mockery, you supposed. Then again, it didn’t feel quite right that you’d just confessed such a thing to them, of all people, and not been bombarded with a series of curious, insensitive remarks. You finally dared to look up at them and were alarmed to realise they were all staring at you with wide eyes. It appeared as though at least Black Pete and Wee John were about to explode (presumably due to the myriad of the aforementioned curious, insensitive remarks they were trying their best not to let slip off their tongues).
“I know.” you sighed pitifully.
Your eyes darted downwards as you gloomily swiped at the tears spilling from your eyes. The silence persisted. You glanced up at Pete and groaned.
“Go on. Say what you have to say.”
“I… Um… What the hell?”
“Fair enough.”
You glanced around.
“What about you, Olu?”
He watched you anxiously, as though you had just threatened him.
“Uh…” he hesitated. “No disrespect or anything but, like… why?”
You decided that focusing on the sky was better than making eye contact with the group of horrified and/or baffled men. After all, it was easier to think of what to say when you cast aside their intense stares.
“I know he’s a total prick. But, I guess, when I used to work on Blackbeard’s ship, something… developed.” you replied. “The feelings are just there and I don’t exactly know why, to be honest.”
“So, these feelings are still there,” Olu wondered. “Even after everything he’s put us all through?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t completely fucking despise the bastard.”
Oluwande was unsettled by your sinister, pained glare, which you directed at your lap.
“God, I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Of course I am, Olu.” you sighed. “You’d have to be an idiot to fall in love with a prick who doesn’t give a shit about you.”
A different kind of silence fell over you, but you didn’t bother to question it until-
“Do they not know?” Black Pete whispered.
“Know what?”
“I don’t think they know.” Roach responded.
“Know what?”
Black Pete exchanged a glance with Roach, but you noticed that everyone looked a tad uncomfortable, if not bewildered.
“Izzy totally had something for you.” Black Pete stated.
You let out a humourless laugh and shook your head.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure he did.” He paused before continuing, “Lucius thought so. Said Izzy had a soft spot for you.”
You froze and swallowed your saliva.
“I know he preferred me over you guys, but if this thing was mutual,” you argued. “He wouldn’t have done this to me.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose. Once again, tears built up in your eyes. You let them spill. At least they weren’t accompanied by sobs, you thought.
“I don’t care that he doesn’t… like me back,” you stated weakly. “It just really fucking stings, y’know? After everything I let myself feel about him, it turns out I mean so little to him that he could just leave me in the middle of nowhere to die.”
Oluwande patted you on the shoulder again. You were taken by surprise when Buttons clapped a hand on your shoulder, too.
“Love is a cruel mistress.” Buttons proclaimed with a heavy sigh. “Perhaps a crueller mistress than the sea, and definitely a crueller mistress than that wee angry fella. Mustn’t let it get you down, though, especially since you’re probably counting down the days ‘til you kick the bucket, so to speak.”
You looked at him out of the corner of your eye.
“Besides,” Black Pete added. “You could do a lot better than Izzy.”
“Yeah, way better, mate.” Olu agreed.
A small smile tugged at your lips.
“You know, if we were to ever get off this island,” Roach said with a smirk. “I wouldn’t mind tracking Izzy down, maybe hack off another one, or eight, of his toes”
The Swede, Buttons and Wee John sent him a puzzled look
“One for each of us,” he clarified. “and an extra one for you, Y/N.”
They nodded in understanding and agreement. You chuckled.
“Count me in.” Black Pete shrugged.
“What is it with pirates and revenge?” Olu questioned with narrowed eyes.
“Are you saying you don’t wanna hurt Izzy?” Wee John said incredulously.
“Of course I wanna hurt him, after everything he’s done. If it weren’t for him, everything would still be alright. Even Ed’d probably be fine, too.”
“So, we’re agreed?” Roach looked around at all of you. “If any of us gets out of this, Izzy’s totally fucked?”
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. It ached, but it was genuine.
“I like the sound of that.”