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Stede Bonnet fucking loved Christmas. The lights, the decorations, the food, the songs, the merriment, all of it. It was the one day of the year he could depend on to at least be a little bit happy and receive a small amount of positive attention in the form of a gift (Although that didn’t always work out, like on his 13th Christmas, when he received his very own hatchet, and wasn’t even allowed to take it back to boarding school to threaten his bullies with, not that he would’ve if he had it).
So now, of course, aboard the Revenge for the whole crew’s (and especially his and Ed’s) first Christmas together, Stede wanted to go all out. They traveled as northward as the weather would let them and Stede sent some of the crew into the forest to chop down a pine tree. They then sailed around the Caribbean spending, frankly, way too much of their spoils, on candles and garlands and sugar so Roach could make cookies (and also stealing a lot of it too).
On Friday night they were holding a party on the deck and everyone was drunk, singing carols, and having a good time, except for Ed, leaning against the railing and sipping on a bottle of rum by himself. Stede was confused.
Of course, once the gang got back together, things had been a bit… rough, at first. Lucius was still using the “attempted murder” excuse to get out of anything he didn’t 100% feel like doing (and Pete was riding the coattails of that too), but beyond that, things had mostly gotten back to normal. Ed’s mood had stabilized, and he’d stop being so needy and clingy and worried.
Did he not like the colder weather and shorter days? Was his knee acting up? Was he just in a mood? Of course, the best way to figure this out is to talk it through, so Stede went over to the dark corner where Ed was moping and leaned against the rail next to him.
“You okay?” Stede asked.
“Yeah mate, great party.”
“You don’t seem to be enjoying it…”
Ed sighed. “Nah, it’s fine. I just never really celebrated Christmas, you know? Not my holiday.”
“What?”
“Well, my mum was… Jewish and my dad was usually piss-drunk the whole month of December. He sold my mother’s brass menorah when I was seven so we couldn’t even light candles,” Ed shrugged. “My mom tried her best. Fried up potato scraps for me and we said the blessings without candles but uh… yeah… this whole time of year was never exactly jolly, and I’m an outsider to it…” Ed kind of trailed off, and took a big sip from his rum.
Stede frowned with sympathy and his eyebrows creased. “Why did you never tell me you were Jewish?”
“I wasn’t really Jewish. Haven’t said a prayer since I killed my dad. Don’t even know if I believe in God… And, you know… a lot of people really don’t like my people.”
Stede’s face softened. “Any people you consider your people must be good people. And, you shouldn’t have to feel like an outsider on this boat.”
“I don’t,” Ed said unconvincingly. “Either way, it’s nice to see you so happy and in your element.” He brushed a wayward blonde curl behind Stede’s ear, and Stede smiled and blushed a little.
After a moment, Stede asked: “What does a menorah look like?”
Ed saw through him immediately. “You don’t have to do anything special for me! I wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Besides, we might’ve missed Chanukah, it changes every year.”
“It does? Why.”
“Something to do with the moon, I think?”
“Hm,” Stede said, and he pushed himself off the ledge to start walking away.
“Stede? Are you going to try and find out if we’ve missed Chanukah and try and get a menorah?”
“Maybe,” Stede said, as he continued to walk away.
“Stede, for fuck’s sake--”
“Try and stop me!” Stede said as he sped up. For a moment Ed considered chasing him, but then he stopped and leaned back. Captains shouldn’t chase captains around like school boys, and part of Ed really wanted to watch Stede go out of his way for him.
Stede sped walked straight to Lucius. He wasn’t sure why he picked Lucius but he did.
“Lucius, do you know when Chanukah is this year?”
“No, sir, why on Earth would I know that?”
“Erev Chanukah starts tomorrow night,” Buttons piped up.
“Buttons?” Stede asked. “How do you know that?”
“I like how the Jewish holidays start at night, Cap’n. All holidays should start with a moon bathing if you ask me.”
“Do you know what a menorah is?”
Buttons shook his head.
“Does anyone know what a menorah is or where to get one??” Stede asked, raising his voice. The crew looked around, half confused. Stede’s face fell. Then, at the back, Olu piped up.
“Jim knows something!”
Everyone looked at Jim.
“Jim? Do you know what a menorah is?” Stede asked nicely.
“Yes.”
“Do you know where we could get one?”
“Maybe.”
“And where is that?”
“There’s a synagogue in St. Augustine. At least there was a while back. Not all Catholics are as friendly as my Nana,” Jim said, though it clearly pained them to explain that much.
“To St. Augustine then!” Stede said happily.
Ed had watched this exchange happen from his moping spot and smiled beside himself. After everything that he did, Stede still seemed to care about him so, so much.
~~~
“No way, I’m not coming. I’ll captain everyone on the ship,” Ed said when Stede invited him to join him, Jim, and Oluwande on their trip into St. Augustine.
“But we had so much fun last time!” Stede pouted. Ed thought it was so cute when he did that.
“Yeah, but, dragging me into St. Augustine twice in order to make me feel better when I didn’t ask? Once is one thing, twice is weird, mate.”
“Fine, you don’t have to come. We’re not joined at the hip.”
Stede did a flick of the wrist, as if dismissing the idea entirely, and then left their cabin to go join Jim and Oluwande. For a moment, Ed thought about catching up to him and saying he changed his mind, but then he got a much, much better idea.
10 minutes later, when Ed was sure Stede would be gone, he went out to the deck where people were cleaning or just hanging out.
“Hey!” Ed shouted. “Crew meeting! Everyone gather up!” Everyone dropped what they were doing and came over.
“What’s up boss?” Black Pete asked.
“Are there any sort of Christmassy things that Stede hasn’t gotten yet?”
Everyone looked confused.
“Like presents or something?” Frenchie asked.
“Are you gonna write him a song?” Lucius asked with a sigh.
“No, you know, like, traditional Christmas things, like the sugar cookies and the tree and the egg nog. Is there anything Stede missed?”
There was a moment of silence.
“Sugarplums,” Wee John said. “My ma used to make sugarplums this time of year.”
“What is that?”
“Fruit and nut candy.”
Ed turned to Roach. “Could you make those?”
“Theoretically yes, but I don’t have most of the ingredients.”
“Well, let’s go fuckin’ get them then!”
~~~
Jim led Stede and Olu to the synagogue as they tried to avoid Olu’s prying questions into their past. If there was one thing Jim liked about Stede, it’s that he never asked prying questions of them.
“Did you ever go to the synagogue? Would that have been weird?” Olu asked.
“No, it wasn’t weird. We had a sort of… exchange program. Learning about different cultures.”
“That sounds fascinating,” Stede said.
“Oh, not you too! Can’t anyone leave me alone for one goddamn day!”
“Where I come from being different is frowned upon…” Stede said, a little sadly.
If there was one thing Jim disliked about Stede, it’s that he had a tendency to dump private information about himself without being asked.
“We’re here,” Jim said, gesturing to the building with a Star of David above the door.
“Well, it doesn’t look deserted,” Stede said. He went and knocked on the door, and a man with a gray beard, small cap on his head, and strings hanging out from under his shirt opened the door.
“Hello?”
“Ah, yes, hello! My name is Stede Bonnet and these are my associates. We were wondering if you had a menorah.”
The man’s face creased with worry. “Stede… Bonnet…?”
Stede chuckled. “Ah, um, yes I am the Gentleman Pirate, but we don’t have to rob you… although I suppose that’s not entirely off the cards--”
Jim punched him in the arm. “Don’t steal from Rabbis, man!”
“Well I was going to ask nicely first!”
~~~
Sugarplums, as it turns out, require a lot of fruit and nuts that are hard to find in December, so Ed charged everyone with finding a different ingredient that Roach had listed in whatever way they could. Ed had taken walnuts.
He walked into the market wishing Stede was here. It was so much easier to steal things when Stede was engaging the shopkeeper’s attention. The whole market was so… Christmassy. Everything was decked out in red and green and gold. This used to make Ed upset. Not everyone wanted the big J stuck in their face for a twelfth of the year. As he’d gotten older, he’d mellowed out a bit about it (like he had with most things), but there was something still in him that was mad there was no escape from Christmas. Last Christmas, at the Republic of Pirates, everyone was drinking eggnog, that was, in fairness, more booze than nog, but still. Fuckin touristy shithole.
Ed grabbed a piece of fudge off the front of someone’s booth, and walked off without paying (he couldn’t read whether or not the sign next to it said “free samples” or “five for one dubloon,” of course). He popped it in his mouth and swaggered on to the nut guy (there is simply no way to label a man who sells nuts without making Ed want to laugh). He stopped at the table, put his left hand down on it, and pretended to be very interested in purchasing some almonds, all while pocketing two bags of walnuts with his right. Then, it turned out that he wasn’t very interested in almonds after all, and moved on, leaving the shopkeep a little miffed about the time wasted, but none the wiser as to his real loss.
~~~
“What do you need a menorah for?” The Rabbi asked, perplexed.
“It’s for a friend, to celebrate Chanukah.”
“Oh, so you want a chanukiah, not a menorah.”
“Is there a difference?”
“Yes. A menorah has 7 arms and a chanukiah has 9. Of course, some people use them interchangeably, but they’re not the same.”
“Well, do you have one you could part with?”
The Rabbi, knowing that “no” would not be a great answer to that question, answered “yes” and let them inside.
Olu and Stede had never been in a synagogue before, and looked around a bit (Jim kept their eyes to themself). It was very different from any church Stede had ever been in. It was poorer, definitely, but also, of course, lacked any imagery of Jesus. In fact, there was no imagery of any people on the walls at all. For some reason, Stede almost expected paintings of Moses or Abraham. Instead, the walls were undecorated, but it was still a pretty building that felt very comfortable. The Rabbi led them to his office and pulled out a chanukiah from the cabinet.
“Here,” he said, handing it to Stede. “You can have this one, I suppose.”
Stede took the brass chanukiah in his hands. At the top of each of the arms was a small hole, where he supposed a candle was supposed to go.
“Do you or your friend know what to do with it?” The Rabbi asked.
Stede looked at the chanukiah, and then the Rabbi. “Um, no, I’m not sure.”
The Rabbi sighed, and pulled out a box of candles and explained how you were supposed to light them. The tallest arm in the middle held the “shamash,” which didn’t represent a night, but instead was the candle used to light the other candles. On the first night, tonight, the 17th of December, they would only light the shamash and the far right candle. Every night they would add a candle to the left, and light the candles from newest (left-most) to oldest, through the 8th and final night of the holiday.
“Have you got all that?” the Rabbi asked.
“Yes, I have,” Stede said confidently. “And Jim and Olu, you’ve got it too?”
“Yeah boss,” Oluwande said.
“Yep,” Jim added.
“I suppose you’ll be needing the blessings too. Let me write them down for you, the transliterations at least. Unless you can read Hebrew.”
Stede shook his head.
The Rabbi wrote down three blessings on a piece of paper, the transliteration of the Hebrew and then the meaning in English below it.
“This one you only say tonight,” The Rabbi explained, pointing at the third blessing. “The other two you say every night.”
Stede nodded.
“Um, how do you say them?” Stede asked sheepishly. “I want to pronounce it right.”
The Rabbi then took the time to go through each of the blessings, until Stede could recite them properly with the correct rhythm.
“You are a good friend,” The Rabbi said as he showed them the way out. “To care for another so much as to learn about their culture, especially when that culture is one that has been so hated.”
“Who am I to hate?” Stede asked. “Personally it always seemed to me like you lot just wanted to be left alone to live your life how you choose. That’s all I want, too.”
The Rabbi patted Stede’s back. “If only everyone else could understand that.”
Stede sighed and smiled slightly. “Yeah…”
~~~
Ed made his way back to the ship. Lucius and Pete had beat him there with their dried prunes, but Ed was second back. He brought the walnuts to Roach and then paced around, worried.
“What?” Roach asked, as he chopped the walnuts up
“What if Stede gets back before everyone else? He’ll get suspicious!”
Roach rolled his eyes. “Who cares? Get out of my kitchen.”
Ed rolled his eyes back at him and left the kitchen. “What got stuck up your ass…?” he said under his breath as he left.
“What was that??” Roach called up.
“Nothing! Keep cutting walnuts, you nut!”
~~~
“Shehecheyanu, v’kyamanu, v’higianu la’azman hazeh…” Stede sang to himself as they walked back to the ship. Jim and Olu were walking far enough behind him that Jim could groan without him hearing.
“What?” Oluwande said. “I think it’s sweet.”
“I’m just not a big… religion person,” they said. “And neither is Captain Teach!”
“I don’t think it’s really about religion or God,” Olu said. “I mean our Christmas celebrations so far haven’t really been about Jesus, they’ve mostly been about good food and getting drunk.”
“Yeah, but all the songs rely pretty heavily on the birth of the one true God sort of thing.”
“Fair 'nuff… But I think this is more about Stede showing he cares for Ed.”
“He doesn’t have to be so extra about it and drag us along, though. Ed’s not that great. I would know.”
“First of all, Captain has to be extra about everything. You should know him well enough by now.”
Jim was quiet. They know Olu was right.
“And second of all… Captain did kind of abandon him, and Blackbeard took it kind of super not well. Maybe Captain doesn’t want him to feel abandoned by all the Christmas celebrations.”
Jim didn’t say it out loud, but they were thinking that that was a smart deduction, and Olu could tell.
~~~
“We’re ba-aack!” Stede said in a singsong voice as he climbed the ladder up to the ship.
“Fucking go, man!” He heard Ed yell at someone before turning around. “Oh hey, how was the trip?”
“Very good!” Stede smiled brightly. “What was that about?”
“Work. Pirate stuff. You know, the day-to-day.”
Stede was now twice as convinced there was something fishy afoot, but he didn’t press it. He pulled a slip of paper out of his jacket and showed it to Ed.
“Oh goody! Paper!” Ed said sarcastically.
“Let me explain! They’re blessings!”
“For what?”
Olu and Jim climbed onto the boat, Jim holding the chanukiah and Olu holding the box of candles. Ed’s jaw dropped.
“Oh shit man! You actually found one!”
“Yes. We met a very helpful Rabbi. Tonight we can light candles! He taught me the blessings so I can teach you. I’ve been reciting them all the way home.”
“He sure has,” Jim said. “Where do you want this, boss?”
“Just put it in our room for now. I’ll bring it out tonight.”
Jim and Olu went below deck, and Stede beamed at Ed.
“What do you think? Not feeling so left out of the holiday season now, are we?”
Ed wasn’t sure where to begin responding to that, so he did what he usually did when Stede said something leaving him at a loss for words; he pulled Stede in and kissed him. He then opened his eyes and saw Frenchie climbing onto the ship rather conspicuously holding a bag of dates. With his eyes, Ed motioned for Frenchie to GO GO GO, and then Ed frenched Stede until Frenchie was safely out of sight, and then he let Stede go.
“Oh my,” Stede said, blushing.
“Oh yeah mate, I’m not feeling so left out anymore.”
“Wanna go back to our chambers?” Stede said, fiddling with one of the buckles on Ed’s chest. “Walking around all over St. Augustine got the blood pumping.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
They walked in and suddenly Stede stopped, bent down, and picked up a dried cranberry. Ed froze. Buttons must’ve dropped one when Ed sent him rushing for the kitchen.
“I didn’t know we had cranberries on board,” Stede said, holding it up between his finger and thumb. Did you know about this, Ed?”
“Uh, yeah,” Ed said, technically not lying. “It’s just some fruit. C’mon, let’s go,” he added, grabbing Stede’s free hand and pulling him towards their quarters.
~~~
That night, after dinner, Stede brought everyone to the deck to light candles. He walked everyone through what they were doing, why technically it was a chanukiah and not a menorah, and explained each of the three prayers. Jim and Olu, standing at the back, were mildly impressed. Stede really was a quick learner when it came to all things.
“You want to do the honors?” Stede said to Ed, holding out the matches.
“You mean, I light that candle, and then use the candle to light that candle?” Ed asked, pointing to the shamash and then the candle in the right-most arm.
“Yeah.”
“I can do that.”
Stede handed Ed the matches and Ed lit the match, lit the Shamash, and then picked it up and lit the other candle. Stede then said the first prayer.
“Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Chanukah,” he sang quietly. “That one means ‘Blessed are you, oh Lord our God, King of the universe, who hallows us with mitzvot, commanding us to light the Chanukah lights.’ Mitzvot are good deeds, by the way.”
Stede looked around the crew and then at Ed. No one, for once, had any comments.
“Okay, second blessing,” he continued. “Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, she-asah nisim laavoteinu v’imoteinu bayamim hahaeim baz’man hazeh. That one means ‘Blessed are you, oh Lord our God, King of the universe, who performed wondrous deeds for our ancestors in the days of old at this season.’ Alright, one more. This is the one we only do tonight.”
“Oh wait, I remember this one! Shehechy-something or another, right?” Ed said, face lighting up.
“Yes, Shehecheyanu!” Stede replied.
Together they sang the prayer, even though Ed was very rusty and said most of the words wrong, mixing up consonants with each other.
Afterwards, everyone clapped (for some reason??) and Ed looked at the chanukiah brightly.
“So now what? Do we blow it out?”
“Well, the Rabbi said we’re not supposed to. Chanukah candles are supposed to be allowed to burn down until they go out on their own.”
“That’s not very safe though,” Lucius commented.
“I think as long as someone’s keeping an eye on them it’ll be alright,” Ed said. “We can take it back to our quarters and watch it. But, before we do that, I’ve got a surprise for you, Stede.”
Stede smiled expectantly, even though he half-knew some sort of surprise was coming. Roach came out onto the deck with a plate of spherical candies. It was a nice plate, one of the few that had survived the Kraken.
“Oh my God… Ed…” Stede said.
“Sugarplums!” Ed said with a smile. “I got everyone to collect ingredients and Roach made enough for all of us!”
Stede looked between the candies and Ed, eyes sparkling and mouth in a circular O.
“I can’t believe I forgot about sugarplums!” Stede finally said.
“Me neither, frankly,” Roach said. “When you came to me with your ridiculous Christmas wishes I thought for sure this would be on your list.”
Stede chose to ignore that comment and turned to the rest of the crew. “Thank you, all of you, for helping Ed put this together. It’s lovely.”
There was a round of acknowledgements from the crew, and then the candies were passed out. Everyone thought they were delicious.
~~~
Later that night, Stede centered the still-burning menorah on the table. He was dressed for bed, and Ed was currently in the closet stripping off leather and putting on one of Stede’s nightshirts that basically belonged to both of them now. The candles were down to nubs, and bound to go out soon. Stede stepped back and looked at his work.
“I rather like that right there,” he said. “I might keep it out all year long.”
“Do whatever you want with it,” Ed said, coming out. “Your menorah.”
“Chanukiah, and no, it’s your chanukiah.”
“Chanukiah, menorah, whatever. My mum called it a menorah.”
“Well, it’s yours. I got it for you.”
Ed fell down onto the bed, legs still planted on the floor, and Stede went back and fell down beside him.
“I love you,” Stede said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, I know man. I remember what we were doing here a few hours ago.”
“Well I just felt like saying it. And I’m glad you’re in a better mood.” Stede turned so he was facing Ed instead of the ceiling. Ed turned to face Stede.
“Thanks…” Ed paused. “I love you too.”
“I’m sorry if I’m a lot.”
“Don’t be! I love it! And I can be a lot too.”
“Yes, using your power and influence to steal walnuts,” Stede said with a laugh.
“Yeah, for you! I’d steal anything for you. I’d steal the moon!”
“How would you get there?”
“Sail there, of course. What are boats for?”
“So you’d sail up?”
“Yeah! I mean, we figured out how to float and maneuver through water. It’s only a matter of time before we can sail in the air. Then up I go to get you the moon.”
“What would I do with it?”
“Dunno. Put it on the table next to my menorah?”
“Moon’s too big for that.”
“Then I’ll get it when it’s a crescent and smaller.”
“The moon doesn’t work that way, Ed!” Stede said with a giggle. “It’s the same size the whole time, the light from the sun is just hitting it at a different angle.”
“Mm…” Ed said. “Maybe I’ll just break off a chunk of it.”
“That’d be much more manageable.”
There was a moment of silence. “You, uh, think that you could teach me the other two prayers? And how to properly say the Shehecheyanu? So you won’t have to recite it alone?” Ed asked.
Stede nodded. “I’ll put that on the docket for tomorrow.”
“Good. It’s very important business.”
Ed then lifted his legs up and got into bed properly, and Stede followed, snuggling him. A year ago Ed would’ve stabbed you for suggesting he’d want to be the little spoon.
“Night darling,” Stede said. “Happy Chanukah.”
“Night. Merry Christmas.”