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“Cheers!” Chuuya yelled, holding up his glass of wine. Dazai raised his glass, smiling at his friend. They’d just completed a mission in the states, and were currently celebrating their victory before hopping on their plane back to Japan. Of course, they were waiting it out in one of Mori’s safe houses.
And that particular safe house had wine. Lots of it. Although the drinking age in the states was 21, Dazai and Chuuya were eager to try. Of course, they’d alcohol before, they weren’t children , but up until recently, Mori had been quite against them having alcohol before the age of 20. Even then, he wanted to monitor them when they did. Something about loose lips sink ships.
Chuuya loved the wine. He kept saying how fruity it tasted. To Dazai, it just tasted like out of date grapes...which is what wine is, of course.
Dazai concluded he wasn't a wine man, and gave the rest of his glass to Chuuya. “You don’t like it?” Chuuya asked, sipping from Dazai’s glass.
“Not really. I saw some whiskey though, so I’m gonna go nab that.” he said, returning shortly after. Amazed at how much Chuuya had drank in the short span he’d been out of the room.
Cracking open the whiskey really helped Dazai relax. He could feel the buzz beneath his skin and in his chest as he leaned into the couch they were sitting on. “Chibi?” Dazai asked, swirling the drink around in the glass.
“Yeah?” Chuuya replied, pouring himself another glass.
“Why did you join the mafia. You never ended up telling me.”
Chuuya thought for a while, “I had nowhere else to go. Trying to escape wouldn't have been possible, so the port mafia were the only option.” Chuuya’s face softened. The alcohol must’ve buttered him up, as usually when Dazai asked this, he was met with one of Chuuya’s famous gravity-defying-roundhouse-kicks.
“The port mafia is your home?” Dazai asked.
“About as much of a home a monster like me can have.” Chuuya shrugged.
“You’re not a monster…” Dazai mumbled. Dazai’s seen real monsters. Those who can abuse and cause harm without a shred of guilt. Chuuya wasn't a monster in Dazai’s eyes.
“I’ve got some weird God thingy inside me. Or, I am him...or, I don’t know. I’m not normal, I can’t live a normal life. Not since Arahabaki…” he trailed off, “Anyway, if I weren’t here, you’d be dead.”
“I wish you weren’t here then.” Dazai teased, a grin creeping onto his face.
“You suicidal maniac…” Chuuya mumbled, sipping his wine.
—
“ Woaaah~ Livin’ on a Prayer!~” the duo sang, their faces bright red from the alcohol. They’d make their way to Las Vegas, and they happened to find themselves in a Karaoke bar that didn’t tend to check ID’s (not that they had any…).
“ Tommy's got his six-string in hock~” Dazai sang, holding out his hand for Chuuya.
Chuuya grabbed his friend’s hand, “ Now he's holding in what he used to make it talk ~!”
The duo joined their arms, both singing into the microphone, “ So tough, it's tough. Gina dreams of running away~!”
After they’d finished their song, the other bargoers clapped for them, ordering them another round of drinks. Chuuya couldn’t help but cling onto Dazai, as he could not hold his liquor. Even Dazai was starting to get uneasy on his feet.
“Another round for those two gay guys who just sang karaoke!” A drunk customer yelled at the bartender.
Chuuya rested his chin on Dazai’s shoulder, “Why~ Thanksh you very mush.” he slurred, smiling.
“We aren’t gay though.” Dazai hiccuped.
“What?” Chuuya said, turning to Dazai, “Who shaid that?”
“These guys.” Dazai mumbled.
“I’m not fuckingngn gay!” Chuuya yelled, “I’ve only seen Dazai naked THREE times! In a het- *HIC* - heterosexshual way…” he hiccupped.
“Four times, Chibi.”
“ FOUR times!” Chuuya corrected.
“Hey! I didn’t mean nothing by it!” The customer defended.
“And to prove it!” Chuuya mumbled, as he grabbed Dazai’s face. He sloppily kissed Dazai, who’d frozen in his spot, “Shee? I’m..* HIC* shtraight~...” he slurred.
Dazai stayed very quiet until the subject changed.
—
“And I now pronounce you, Husband and Husband. Congratulations.” The minister at Las Vegas council office announced.
“Woo! Vegas wedding!” The duo slurred, utterly shit faced. They grabbed their marriage certificate, and stumbled back to Mori’s safe house. Honestly, it was a shock they didn’t danger the mafia in any way.
Dazai and Chuuya crashed in the bed, wrapping their limbs together in the night.
—
“We’re gonna be late!” Chuuya screamed at Dazai, “Hurry the fuck up!”
“Stop yelling...I’m hungoverrrrrr….” Dazai groaned, throwing his possessions in his bag. Plus all the dollar bills they got from their mission.
“So am I!” Chuuya argued, using his ability to clean up Mori’s safe house.
—
“Dazai.” Mori said once the brunette landed back in Japan. “You know that I keep a close eye on my subordinates, right?”
Oh fuck .
“Yeah?”
Mori turned his laptop around, “Why are you and Nakahara married?”
Fuck.
“Tax benefits. We couldn’t get married in Japan, so we did it in Vegas when we were there. It’s not like we’re going to get girlfriends soon, we’re both in the mafia.” Dazai quickly explained, making up the most plausible reason he could. He could not let Mori know he and Chuuya got shitfaced on the job…
“Hm...Wouldn’t a civil partnership have done the jo-“
“Chuuya and I refuse to conform to Japan’s homophobic government. So in solidarity and protest, we did it in America instead.” Dazai cut Mori off.
“I didn’t know you two were so passionate about social justice.” Mori smiled. “Glad to know you're fighting for a better world for my Elise to grow up in.”
—
“Where the fuck is that Dazai dickhead!” Chuuya screamed as he stormed into the Armed Detective Agency.
“N-Nakahara! Please calm down!” Atsushi pleaded, following after him as he walked. “Isn't this an act of hostility?! Our bosses agreed for us to have a truce!”
“It’s not hostile if I don’t kill one of you fuckers!” Chuuya yelled as he slammed open doors to look for Dazai.
“What’s all this commotion~?” Dazai stretched, noticing that Chuuya had slammed open the door to their office, “Oh, hey Chuuya.”
“Don’t ‘hey Chuuya’ me you ASSHOLE!” He held up a marriage certificate, “Why does this say we’re married?! What dumb prank is this?!”
Dazai shrugged, “Because four years ago, we got married.”
“ That—….YOU-!” Chuuya gritted his teeth, “Why are we married?!”
Dazai stared at Chuuya, “Because I’m madly in love with you! I have been since we met!” he joked
“I almost killed you when we first met.” Chuuya scoffed.
“We got drunk in Vegas.” Dazai admitted.
That day, Chuuya almost collapsed the building of the Armed Detective Agency while trying to get Dazai to divorce him.
Dazai did not.