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Chapter Text

Spring break was almost over. Andrew was kind of fine with this, he could give or take classes when he wanted to, and practice was one way to get things off his mind. 

All of the Foxes were back early from their holidays and Dan had insisted on planning a party before the semester started and before the fresh Foxes arrived. Andrew only agreed because he was roped in by Neil at some point during the holidays, and was promised enough sugar to give Kevin a heart attack. 

Kevin had gotten over his separation anxiety with the exy court one day and decided to leave Andrew with Neil during the holidays. Andrew would have decked him right then and there if Neil hadn't fallen asleep on his shoulder. The truth was this: Andrew would never admit it, but he thought Neil was interesting. Too intriguing for his own good and Andrew was hooked. 

Despite everything, holidays with Neil were surprisingly normal. They went on casual road trips, had a movie night every second day and frequently visited a cat cafe near campus–Andrew might even go as far as to say he had a good time.

They were waiting for everyone now, Andrew in the kitchen baking some treats that Dan had requested. Neil was gathering blankets and pillows, trying to cover every surface of the living room floor. 

Aaron was already around town with Katelyn, but the others were either napping or just coming back from the airport. Andrew savoured the quiet while he could, taking in the fragrant scent of macarons, the sound of Neil screwing around in the living room, the gentle atmosphere before it was disturbed. 

Nicky announced his arrival by smashing into the door. Andrew sighed and reluctantly opened it to reveal not one, but two guests. 

“Hey guy,” Matt said, and Andrew could sense his weariness, but it vanished as soon as he spotted Neil. “Neil! I missed you, how’re you, little man?” Matt and Neil exchanged hugs and a weird handshake. Andrew turned back to Nicky, pointed to the bag he was holding and quirked an eyebrow. Nicky smiled his award winning smile. 

“Good to see you too, Andrew. Long time no see, my holidays were great, thanks for asking.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes and made to close the door. 

“No! I’m too young to be left on the streets, okay, okay, here. Mine and Erik’s gift for you. And Neil. You two are still just as impossible to buy for.” 

Andrew shrugged and after a moment's contemplation, did a 180 and mumbled a ‘thanks.’ Nicky laughed and helped himself inside. 

With Nicky and Matt already over, Andrew could avoid living through more awkward situations. The dorm buzzed with excitement and life, and for once Andrew didn’t think he hated it. He mostly sat around the edges, watching the Foxes get back together from his seat at the kitchen island. Renee had chatted him up at some point but after she confirmed Andrew was okay with being on his own, she went back to her friends.

The last person Andrew expected to visit him was Neil. 

“Thought you got sick of me,” Andrew said, feeling warmth settle in his chest. 

“Never,” Neil said, smiling, “guess I got used to the quiet though.” 

“They’ll drop sooner or later. The movie will definitely shut em’ up.” 

Neil laughed, a sound Andrew could never get over nor have enough of. Neil’s gaze wandered Andrew for some time and Andrew could swear Neil flashed a look or two at Andrew’s lips. Neil leaned on the counter with an elbow, his hand holding his cheek, suddenly looking almost shy. 

“Speaking of… why don’t you come down to the fort to watch?” It was an invitation Andrew was already planning to accept. 

“That was the battle plan.” 

Neil smiled again and left to rally the group. Andrew thought if he never got over Neil smiling then he would be royaly, tragically fucked. 

The Foxes knew better than to crowd Andrew’s space and he was grateful for that. Except for Neil. Apparently Neil loved Andrew’s personal space as much as Andrew did, so it wasn’t long until Andrew was trapped between a massive stuffed bear and Neil. Andrew didn’t even know where the bear came from, and certainly didn’t remember how Neil slowly climbed into his lap and started resting his head on it. Andrew ignored the quick glances Renee was giving him, and very much ignored when everyone else started to notice. Somehow after jet-lag and a movie they still hadn’t passed out yet. 

Andrew made to rest his hands in Neil’s hair, a gesture they had gotten used to during break. It was different this time though, the company bothered Andrew enough that he fought the twitching in his hand. Neil, ever the reader, noticed Andrew tensing and shot straight up. 

“Are you okay?” Neil whispered. That earned a few glances and Andrew would have scowled if he didn’t have a reputation to uphold. 

“I’m gonna smoke,” Andrew said, already shifting around for his cigarettes and lighter. It wasn’t an invitation but Neil followed anyway. 

Andrew found himself pathetically expecting Neil to sit down with him. He was wrong. When he turned his head back, Neil was standing a distance away, looking like he had something to say. 

“Spit it out. Or go back to the others.” Andrew hadn’t meant to sound so mean, but it rolled out that way and he regretted it immediately. Neil bit his lip, looking too anxious for Andrew to look anymore, so he turned back to the campus. 

“If I did something, I’m sorry.” This time, Andrew had the privacy to scowl. 

“Shut up, don’t say that.” 

This was the thing: Neil saying ‘I’m sorry’ was almost enough to break Andrew, and it would have if Andrew didn’t have so many locked doors and walls protecting himself. But Andrew didn’t want or need the apology, it hadn’t solved anything because Neil wasn’t the issue in the first place. The problem was Andrew himself and he hated that. He was already aware that Neil was off-limits and yet here Andrew was getting possessive and upset for something he didn’t own just because he couldn't sort out his short range of emotions. 

Luckily for Andrew, Neil did as he was told, but more or less kept his distance. Instead of taking his usual seat next to Andrew, Neil walked closer to the edge and for some reason Andrew almost said ‘don’t do it’. It was laughable, Andrew himself should be told that. 

Neil sat dangling his legs over the side of the building, resting his arms behind him and tilting his nose to the sky. The potent sunset did nothing to make Neil look less attractive, and for a moment Andrew wanted to believe he could live with this forever. God, Andrew was a mess.

Chapter Text

Today was the first game of the season and Andrew was already looking forward to the end of it. Kevin decided he was going to be particularly annoying that day because he hogged the bathroom for longer than he needed to. 

“Kevin, it’s an exy game, not your first date. Hurry the fuck up I need to piss,” Neil said at some point. He didn’t really need to use the bathroom, Neil was just feeling extra feisty. 

“It’s a date with the exy court, Neil, be grateful you’re even invited.” 

“Oh, so I’m a third wheeler now? A cockblocker? Gee, Kev, that’s low.” They heard a loud smack of something hitting the bench, the struggle of the lock and Neil made a run for it. 

“Neil, I swear to fucking God-” Kevin snarled, but his expression smoothed when he saw Andrew. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” 

“Hey, Belle. How’s the shave.” To Andrew’s surprise, Kevin just scoffed and started singing the opening song for Beauty and the Beast in French. 

“I didn’t know we owned a seagull” Neil said, he was changed into basic casual wear, getting ready for classes. 

“Yours truly number two is the seagull.” 

“Who’s number one?” Neil asked, a sly smirk on his face. Andrew gave him a pointed look and shooed him away. 

“I’ll pick you up for lunch before the game. Scram.” Neil laughed and started a jog out the door. 

Neil was looking bright and cheery when Andrew picked him up, like he didn’t just sit through three hours of maths. 

“Food?” Neil asked when he settled, his eyes looking hopeful and pleased. He was excited for the game tonight, Andrew could tell. The signs were his fidgeting, like he would do anything to get on the court, and in the way he smiled a lot more. Andrew averted his gaze before he did anything stupid. 

“Mexican?” 

“All for it,” Neil said, and Andrew sped off. It was a short trip but Neil stole the AUX and cranked the volume. 

Road trips were a part of their break that Andrew would never forget. Neil in the passenger, leaning his head out the window, his hair getting caught in wind and rain–smiling like he could live forever and like the world was ending the next day. Neil’s uncontrollable laughter after Andrew talked about his roadtrips with his family to and from Columbia, having to pull over to calm him down. And Andrew could certainly never forget when Neil took the wheel after Andrew’s skin started to crawl and flesh started to tighten. The way the fiery sunset bounced off Neil’s skin, the way he turned down the radio and started humming songs instead. 

Andrew felt strange bubbly sensations and feelings he didn’t know he was capable of feeling. He hated it all, but he was curious nonetheless. ‘Feelings’ were never a part of the Andrew package but after some undeterminable time with Neil, he thought maybe he was wrong. 

After they ordered, the two settled in a comfortable silence. Neil draped over the table and exhaled, but a smile was stained on his lips and soft eyes were still trained to Andrew’s. Neil hands tapped against the wood, blunt fingernails clicking to the beat of a love song. 

“I’m excited,” Neil said, grinning too bright. Andrew crossed his arms on the table and leaned in like he was about to tell Neil a secret. 

“You getting a hard on for exy is news to no one.” Neil laughed and placed his hands on Andrew’s cheeks. 

“Would it kill you to smile for once?” Neil said, leaning his head to the side. Andrew felt the world slow down and speed up, felt himself falling and flying, felt like he could curl up and also face the world. 

Andrew sure hoped Neil couldn’t feel the temperature rise in his cheeks because Andrew was sure burning on the inside. Andrew scoffed and flicked Neil’s forehead, making his arms retreat. 

Their game against the Breckenridge Jackals was messy and imperfect, but Kevin had somehow managed to yell at the fresh Foxes enough to get them into shape. Neil’s coaching was more on the passive side, but as the game dragged on he got impatient. Andrew hadn’t let any of their shots through except for some of the few penalty flukes he wasn’t fast enough for.

Andrew watched Neil from the backlines, watched his excitement turn into irritation, into aggression then nothing. That emotion was scary enough for all the Foxes and even Neil’s backliner to back off, and for Andrew to call a time-out. 

Neil had become increasingly aware of the Breckenridge crowd, who were all wearing black to sport their team, but at some point Neil had convinced himself they were Ravens. 

Andrew reminded Neil of his place with the Foxes, reminded Neil that Riko was dead and they were leading the game. 

The final buzzer sounded and the game ended with 11-8, Foxes' favour. Even since the ringing alarm, Neil hadn’t moved an inch, even with his team celebrating around him. Andrew headed towards him instead and shoved the party aside. Neil was stunned to silence, staring at the scoreboard with his racquet limp in his hand. When Andrew approached him, he only flicked a look before flinching away. 

“Helmet, yes or no?” 

Neil didn’t have the words, but he nodded. Andrew stripped off his own gloves and fiddled with Neil’s helmet strap. The bandana Neil was wearing had loosened from rough play and Neil’s hair slipped from it. Andrew placed a hand on the too-hot skin of Neil’s neck and brought their heads close. 

“Stay with me Neil. You’re a Fox at Palmetto State University, you study maths and you hate Kevin. Neil ,” Andrew said, stressing when he realised Neil wasn’t really looking at his eyes, “ Listen to me, you have two options, okay?” Neil nodded. “One, we stay in here until the stadium clears. Two, we get you out of here now.” 

It felt like years before Neil could get anything out. He rasped out a ‘one’ and leaned his forehead on Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew stood unwavering, a stray hand gripping gently in Neil’s hair. Somewhere from the stadium doors, Wymack gave Andrew a few hand signs, ‘you two’ and ‘good?’. Andrew replied with a ‘go away’ gesture and Wymack gave him a ‘fuck all of you brats’ eye roll and left. 

Andrew scanned the stadium benches. People were slowly filing out, and it was getting more and more quiet. Andrew was about to say something when Neil beat him to it. 

“Thank you.” 

Andrew would have shoved Neil if he wasn’t stunned. 

“Some quiet will do you good.” Neil’s laugh was a tired scoff and he wrapped gentle arms around Andrew before squeezing and letting go. 

“Okay. Let’s go.” 

The two had wasted a good twenty minutes post-game standing inside the plexiglass and twenty more getting showered and changed. It was lucky they had a home game or Wymack would have ditched them. Kevin was waiting and passed out in the Maserati. When Andrew unlocked it, Neil opened the passenger door that Kevin was leaning on and slipped in the back before Kevin could unbuckle his belt. When they settled and Andrew hit the road, Kevin said something in French. For some reason Andrew wasn't surprised when he heard Neil reply in English.

“They looked like Ravens.” And Andrew wasn’t sure if the reply or the English was what made Kevin shut up. 

“Dan and Matt said they would have a non-alcoholic, chill party in their dorm. They’re worried about you, Neil.” Kevin said, when they reached Fox Tower. 

Andrew wanted to answer for Neil and say ‘no’, but he knew how much the other Foxes meant to Neil and vice versa. 

“Okay,” Neil said, and Andrew was irritated at himself for getting possessive. Neil was his own person and could do whatever he pleased, so why did Andrew feel like he was being ignored? Andrew stayed in the car even after Neil and Kevin reached the entrance to Fox Tower. He lit a cigarette and rolled the window down a few inches. He basked in his own idiocy and stupidity, thinking about Neil and no-Neil and nothing.

Chapter Text

Time flew too fast for Andrew’s liking but before he knew it, their first exams were already over. The Foxes threw a celebration party and Dan had even invited the juniors. Andrew showed up for the free drinks and partly to see how the younger Foxes partied. It was as uninteresting as he thought it would be and went to find Renee. 

“Hi Andrew, how was your exam?” Renee said, nursing a cup of soda with Alison clinging onto her back. 

“Fine.” 

“Well what else was I expecting, huh? But I thought that word was banned…” 

“Neil’s not here to leech off me and Dan isn’t around to ride my ass about it, but I suppose you’re right.” 

Renee smiled. 

“Oh, also, I have a few tickets for a live musical, do you want to come with?” 

“Which one?” Andrew said, but it came out as more of a statement than a question, mostly because he could already guess which one. Renee gave him a knowing smile. 

“Six.” And even if he did anticipate it, he still raised an eyebrow.

“Seriously?”

“Andrew, I will be transparent and say that I want to beat all the misogyny out of you as I can, so you are coming with me whether you like it or not. I’m inviting Allison and Dan. You can invite two more.” 

“What do I get in return if it’s shit?”

“It won’t be, but I’ll give you a free day pass to my cafe, order anything and everything you want for free.” 

Apparently Renee had already thought about this. The show was almost guaranteed to be good because there was no way in hell Renee would grace Andrew with such a heaven-sent gift. Andrew narrowed his eyes at her, challenging. 

“If it’s good I’ll work your shifts for a day.” 

Renee smiled and held out her hand. “Deal?” Andrew grabbed her wrist and Renee’s hand wrapped around his armband. 

“Deal.” 

Andrew ran away from Renee in case she started beating him earlier than he expected. The roof was his usual sanctuary and he wasn’t surprised he would have company. Neil sat on the edge of the building again, watching the sun anchor into the horizon, his hands cupping a dying cigarette. He was dazed enough to have barely noticed Andrew advancing. Andrew got close enough to pluck the cigarette from Neil’s fingers and nursed it back to life, but he kept his distance from the edge. Andrew sat somewhere behind Neil. Neil followed suit. 

“Hey Drew.” Andrew punched his arm. It was the consequence for giving him a nickname, but Andrew didn’t really mind, he just had to pretend he did. 

“Exam?” Andrew asked. It was the last thing on his mind really, but Neil was dazed and they hadn’t seen each other since morning. Neil shrugged. 

“It doesn’t matter. How was yours?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Andrew echoed, and Neil saw the significance in it. Neil had said it didn’t matter because he was planning to go pro and that didn't require a high score in Mathematical Sciences. Either way, something about Neil’s dazed yet calm reaction to it all said he did well anyway. Neil’s smile was shy and short-lived.
“How’s the party down there?” 

“Rowdy. You should be in there.” Neil raised an eyebrow. 

“Uh-huh? And what would you do without me then?”

“I’d mourn forever.” Neil smiled, and it turned into a light laugh. They fell into a mutual silence as navy and faded stars started to encompass the world. It was moments like this Andrew wished he had more confidence to do anything. 

“Are you going to finish that?” Neil said, pointing to something in Andrew’s hands. It was a bottle of alcohol Andrew didn’t realise he had stolen. Andrew opened it, took a long swig and offered it to Neil. Neil took the bottle and sipped his portions. Neil’s alcohol tolerance was low and Andrew was drinking like a machine. Andrew liked the way alcohol made his warm on the inside, liked the pulsing of his blood working to metabolise it. 

It was cold now, but the alcohol made Andrew hot enough for his cheeks to tingle red. He stripped off his jacket and let the evening breeze make goosebumps on his exposed skin. Next to him, Neil was shivering, hugging the bottle like it would keep him warm. Andrew made a mote to remember to search up ‘how to be a bottle’. 

Andrew threw his jacket at Neil and stole back the bottle. Neil smiled and wrapped himself in the jacket. 

“Renee wants to go see a musical.” 

“A musical?” 

“Six.” 

“What?” 

“You don’t know what a musical is?” Andrew asked, though it sounded more like he was stating a disappointing fact. Neil’s frown confirmed it. 

“You’re a disappointment to society. Okay, we’re going.” 

“Who else is?”

“Nicky. And the girls.” Neil nodded. “Neil.” 

“Hm?” 

Andrew paused. He didn’t know why he said that. Why did he say that? And when did they get so close? Andrew’s mind was buzzing and he couldn’t help the glances he shot at Neil’s lips or the fact that he could count Neil’s freckles. 

“Drew?”

“Neil,” Andrew said again, “why do you call me that?” 

“You don’t like it? I can stop. It sounds nice.” 

“Don’t… stop. Don’t stop.” Andrew said before he could process his words. He blamed the alcohol. He was a tank, how was he even tipsy? 

“Okay,” Neil said, and then smiled, “Drew.” 

“What.” 

“Are you drunk?” 

“No.” 

Maybe that was a lie. Before he could do anything stupid, he stood up. 

“Wait- Drew. Andrew!” Neil stressed louder when Andrew couldn’t bear turning back. “Thank you.” 

Andrew frowned. “For what.” Neil smiled and tilted his head to the sky. 

“Everything.” 

Andrew pretended not to hear and turned back to the stairs.

Chapter Text

Contrary to his alleged allergy to books, Andrew finds the only place he can really calm down that wasn’t his bed was in the library. Andrew picked up a learn Russian book and waited for his inevitable company. The rest of Andrew’s crew had invited themselves to a library group study session after Nicky asked Andrew where he was going. It was only fair that they followed him, he supposed, because he was the one who cancelled Eden’s night. 

He didn’t really have a reason other than to get some quiet but he supposed that plan would never work. Kevin was the first to find him, a history book and his laptop in hand. Nicky followed suit with his colourful laptop. Neil and Aaron coming in together was laughable, both of them had scowls on their faces like they couldn’t believe they were in so close proximity. 

“It’s like they say, friendship is magic!” Nicky said, laughing because he had just as little regard for everyone else in the library. Andrew didn’t care enough about everyone else to call him out on it. 

Neil glanced at Andrew. Whatever made him want to say anything died as he turned his head back to smile at Nicky. That’s fine. Andrew and Neil hadn’t exchanged so many words since the party and Andrew thought he liked the silence. He didn’t. Quiet in ‘comfort’ meant Neil’s lingering company and wordless smiles. This kind of quiet pained him because Neil wasn’t there at all. 

Even Kevin wasn’t oblivious enough to ignore Neil’s averted gaze. Kevin nudged Andrew.

“What’s that about?” Kevin said, whispering so that only Andrew could hear. Andrew glared into his soul and nudged him harder. 

“It doesn’t matter to you.” 

“Yes, it does. You don’t think I didn’t notice you guys ignoring each other in practice?” 

“Kev, your one track mind and your business is not on my list of concerns. Why should I be on yours?” 

Kevin scowled and turned back to his history book, mumbling nonsense in French. 

Andrew fought to keep his gaze on his book but he couldn’t help the flickers he shot at Neil. Neil laughing freely, Neil smiling like he nothing else mattered. Neil bickering and countering Aaron’s every word like he was winning an argument. Neil pushing his hair out of his face on a particularly hard question. Neil devouring the cap end of his pen or aimlessly pen-twisting. It was too much. Neil was too much and Andrew loved every part of it but it would never be the same the other way around. 

Andrew let himself sink into the endless pit, knowing there was no way he could save himself. The fall was dreadful but almost painless–numbing, like feeling always was–and the only way Andrew could be pulled out was if it was Neil. He had a Neil shaped lock in his heart and Neil himself had snapped the key right in front of Andrew.

Despite claiming otherwise, Andrew could read Neil pretty well. He knew Neil’s smile was forced, knew Neil was only struggling because he had a lot on his mind, and knew he couldn’t concentrate. Andrew wanted more than anything to be able to reach out and make him feel better, to maybe fix what he had broken. Except the glass had shattered and Andrew was blindly hoping it would fix itself. 

“Neil, are you okay?” Nicky asked at some point. Neil frowned and smiled, looking like he didn’t understand what Nicky had said. Maybe he didn’t. 

“What? Nothing’s wrong,” Neil said, and got back to scribbling in Aaron’s book. 

“Andrew…” Nicky whispered and Andrew already knew Neil could hear him, “How come Neil’s not himself today?” Andrew scowled. 

“How should I know?” 

“Well-” 

“Shut up, ask him yourself. He’s certainly not telling me anything.” Andrew stood up, slamming his book. For a brief moment his eyes connected with Neil’s, his expression unreadable, mouth slack like he had something to say. It was petty to say that, Andrew knew. But Neil was driving him crazy and he had had enough. 

Andrew counted five minutes until someone had run out to catch him. 

“What,” he spat, turning around and realising too late it was Neil. The venom in his voice died and began to sting his own throat. “Go away.” 

For a moment Andrew thought Neil would, but Neil only stepped back. “Andrew,” Neil said, a little quietly. “Are you ignoring me?” Neil’s eyes darted everywhere but at Andrew’s. Andrew didn’t answer. “Andrew,” Neil said again, and Andrew couldn’t bear the strain in his voice, like it was the last thing Neil expected to be doing, and maybe it was. 

“Neil,” Andrew said, pausing to pick his words carefully, “I thought I told you I’m not your answer.” Neil's expression was pained and distant. 

“I know. But you’re still part of the equation. So are the other Foxes. I don’t need you, but I still want you.” 

“Don’t say shit you don’t mean,” Andrew seethed and turned around. 

“Andrew, wait.” Andrew stopped. “Why are you ignoring me?” 

“I wasn’t. But I could say the same for you.” 

“I wasn’t- but you-” Neil scrambled to find his words, Andrew turned back to see Neil looking like he was being held at gunpoint to think. 

“Neil. You looked at me this morning like you thought I gave you those scars.” 

Neil’s shoulders sank and he looked defeated. “It wasn’t- I was just-” Neil stopped and bit his lip, bringing a hand to his hair and clawing at it. 

“Neil, stop.” Andrew said, grabbing Neil’s wrists. “I wasn’t ignoring you, I was giving you space.” 

“I was as well.” 

Andrew raised an eyebrow.“Why?” 

“Andrew, we had a great time on the roof yesterday and yet you walked away like I was… like I was one of them.” 

It felt like years for that piece of information to register. Andrew almost laughed. 

“You’re not,” Andrew said, more so to reassure himself than Neil. 

“You’re aren’t either,” Neil said, a sad smile on his lips, but it also read as relief. “Andrew?”

“What.” 

“I wasn’t trying to ignore you.” 

“Okay,” Andrew said, letting go of Neil’s wrists and making his way back to the dorms again, “I wasn’t either.”

Chapter Text

Nicky and Kevin had the most expressive excitement for Eden’s. Enough for Andrew to threaten to throw them out of the car if they didn’t shut up. Andrew enjoyed the low rumble of the Maserati and Neil’s occasional humming for the rest of the ride. When they arrived. Kevin opened the door and ran out of the moving vehicle, and Nicky looked seconds from combusting if he didn’t talk in the next minute.

Andrew kicked them out. Neil stayed, laughing while Andrew sighed with his forehead on the wheel. 

“They are all rabid,” Andrew said. 

“They’re not that bad.” 

“You’re one of them, Neil.” 

“You are too,” Neil quipped back. Andrew flicked a dismissive, though undenying, finger. 

Eden’s Twilight was as hardcore and unhinged as ever. He and Neil made a beeline to the bar and Roland shot them a grin. 

“Kevin came to me and said if I didn’t give him a bottle he would start crying.” 

“Did he?” Neil asked. 

“I didn’t want to see his crying face,” Roland said, sliding shots towards them. 

“Fair enough,” Neil said, and picked up a shot. “I’ll have soda for the rest of the night, thanks.” 

Roland gave him a thumbs up and Andrew continued inhaling his shots and stole Neil’s extra. 

After his fourth shot, he swapped to larger glasses and slower drinking. They found a booth and he sat beside Neil. 

“Andrew,” Neil said after a while, sliding his fingertip on the rim of his glass in a way that drove Andrew crazy. He drank to that. Andrew gave a hum of assent. He didn’t look it, but all of his attention was on Neil. “I’ve been thinking…” 

“Always a good sign.” 

“Andrew! Just listen, okay?” Neil said, but he was smiling all the same, a gentle flush on his cheeks barely seen over the rainbow lights. “I’ve been thinking about… you.” 

Andrew raised an eyebrow at that, covering most of his irritation? delight? with a sip of his drink. 

“That came out wrong. I meant to say I’ve been thinking about the past year… and our break. Together.” 

“Neil. Stop talk-” 

“And I’ve been considering,” Neil said, fully aware he had broken Andrew’s sentence, “That I really liked it. With us. I mean- I know I’m in no position to want-” 

“ Neil ,” Andrew stressed, because Neil was going to go on a tangent and Andrew would have been too far gone to stop him, “Shut up. You can’t say things like that.” 

“Why not?” Neil asked, and Andrew shot him an irritated look but Neil knew better. Andrew wasn’t really irritated, he felt heavy and gross all over, but the stinging in his cheeks and the swelling in his heart was something he knew only Neil could inflict. 

Andrew pushed a hand in Neil's face to move him away. Too close. Neil was way too close, and Andrew was seconds from being exposed. The bass of the music was seeping through his skin, the smell of alcohol and sweat was sickening and inviting at the same time and Neil. Hellsent Neil was getting under his goddamn skin. 

“Andrew,” Neil said again. Andrew heard the smile in his voice and had to turn away. 

“What.” Andrew spat. It was the only thing he could muster. 

“Let’s dance.” 

‘What? Neil, I don’t dance-” 

“I don’t either! Come on, I’m happy right now and I want to dance.” 

Andrew’s scowl deepened. “Go find Nicky or something. I’m sure he’s more of a satisfying dance partner.” 

“Andrew, I asked you because I wanted to dance with you.” Neil stressed the pronoun like Andrew needed help hearing. 

Andrew would have kept up this game if not for Neil’s patience. His grin was unwavering and pretty, the kaleidoscopic lights turning his hair all kinds of colours and the alcohol in Andrew’s system was his last straw. He grabbed Neil’s wrist and dragged him to the busy dance floor. 

Andrew had attempted to keep his distance from Neil, he really did. But a force was pulling them together every time they lost each other. Neil claimed he didn’t like it when he turned around and couldn’t find Andrew anywhere, so he opted to linking their arms together after plenty of warnings and permissions. 

“I didn't think it would be this fun.” Neil said in Andrew’s ear at some point, smiling. Andrew shrugged. He admittedly wasn’t dancing very much, settling to watching Neil lose his mind instead. 

Andrew thought if he kept biting his lip everytime Neil did an unnecessarily attractive or erotic move, he would be tasting blood in no time. After the fourth time, Andrew grabbed the collar of Neil’s shirt and pulled Neil’s ear to his lips. 

“You look stupid, Junkie.” 

Neil laughed and couldn’t stop until Andrew suddenly crashed into him. The impact was so strong and sudden it took Andrew moments to realise someone had shoved into him. Neil was sober again, holding Andrew close to him. Andrew shoved him away and dismissed it, walking back to the booth with Neil still hot on his heels. 

“Go, you were having fun.” 

“No. Are you okay?” 

“Shut up.” Neil did, but only for so long.
“I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have pressured-” 

“How many times do I have to get you to shut up today? It doesn’t matter, Neil. Not to you anyway.” 

And there it was. The last thread was severed by Andrew’s very hands and he felt the guilt of it all. The look of Neil’s face was pained and maybe it was the alcohol talking but Andrew wanted nothing more than to press them away, to smooth out the creases with his thumb. 

“Why shouldn’t it matter to me?” Neil asked, quiet. 

“You don’t swing.” 

Neil’s eyes widened, and he averted his gaze with an expression Andrew couldn’t read. 

“I told you, I thought about it.” 

“About what, Neil. You told me shit. ” 

“I like this, Andrew. I like us.”

Chapter Text

Renee pat Andrew on the back a little too hard for inviting Neil and Nicky to watch Six. She got his message after so long that she had to stop or Andrew would leave mid-way through the show no comments. 

Nicky was talking to Neil about the basic story of the show and the girls were singing their hearts out on the way to the venue. 

“I’m going to regret this.” 

“I thought you said you don’t believe in regret.” 

“I will after this.” 

Andrew did not hate it. He would never admit it, but he would probably add some of the songs to his playlist. The acting was okay at best, the plot was interesting he supposed, and the outfits were cool, sure. But the whole point was the songs, and dammit they were good. Renee and Neil noticed his satisfaction midway through the show but he flipped them off and pretended to hate it. 

‘Soo…” Renee said. “What did you think?” 

They were walking to dinner now, a casual korean barbeque place to give Neil the experience of his life. Neil was stuck with Nicky again and the girls were speeding ahead. Renee had stayed by Andrew. 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” Andrew scowled. Renee smiled. ‘I knew you’d love it. Are you still a misogynist?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Ohh, well I thought that did it. Guess I have to resort to more physical methods-” 

“That cafe shift will do just fine.” 

Renee laughed and started to talk about the songs. 

“Oh, by the way, I noticed Neil has been a lot happier lately. You know what’s up with that?” Renee said, a smirk playing on her lips. She knew. Andrew knew she knew, but he denied it anyway.

“Nope. It has nothing to do with me. You should ask him yourself.” 

“I did.” Well, shit. “He told me to ask you .” 

“Well I didn’t expect to be using my knives so soon-” 

“Oh, stop it you. You know Neil has called you dramatic before and I didn’t deny it.” 

“I hate both of you.” 

Neil’s first korean barbeque experience almost went horribly wrong. He hadn’t realised the heating was on and almost went to fiddle with the grill, five other hands almost burnt theirs instead. Neil couldn’t register the readiness of a few meats and almost ate them raw and more times than one he dropped his chopstick into the grill. 

“Hey kiddo- oops sorry,” Dan said, when she nudged Neil a bit too hard and he dropped the food he was holding onto the table, “what’s got you so jumpy today?” 

“I just feel light.” 

“Light? Like, light headed light? Or happy light?” 

Neil grinned, the glow in his eyes was genuine. “Happy light.” 

“Well that’s okay then, just promise me you won’t injure yourself being so.” 

“I don’t think it’s possible.” 

“Promise me you’ll try? My heart needs a break.” 

Neil laughed and side hugged her. “Okay, I’ll try.” 

It surprised Andrew that he felt no reaction to Neil’s easy-going friendliness with the other Foxes. Usually he’d start to feel stiff, like he was invading, or his gut would start to tighten, like he was holding in vomit. But he felt nothing, and he wondered if he had gotten over Neil or if all this feeling had, well, broken his feelings. 

Neil glanced at him at some point, his smile just as light as it was with the others, yet somehow it felt more specified towards his subject. Andrew looked away, focusing on cutting apart his meat into tinier pieces. 

Neil waved off the girls as they parted to their cars. Nicky was still riding on energy but quietened when they were in the Maserati. Neil was humming French love songs and Andrew rolled down the windows just enough to relieve the redness in his ears. 

Nicky yawned as he passed on his good nights and Andrew and Neil heard the prompt thump of a body hitting the floor. Either Nicky had been murdered or was passed out right at his door. The two shared a shrug and got ready for bed as well. Except after Andrew showered he felt wide awake. Neil looked just as so because he was humming again, finding water in the kitchen without a care for their roommates. 

“Hot chocolate?” Neil asked, already pulling out a mug. Andrew didn’t need one but he couldn’t pass a sweet drink. 

“Sure.” 

Andrew hesitated before going to find blankets and pillows to lounge on the couch. When he came back, Neil was already sitting, scrolling through the documentaries Andrew had downloaded. Andrew threw the blankets and pillows and Neil, hearing a screech drowned by layers of fluff. He got himself comfortable on the other end and kept his eyes on the screen as much as possible. Except it was the hardest thing to do when Neil was watching him. 

“Problem?” 

“No,” Neil said, “you.. look calm.” 

Andrew was far from calm on the inside. 

“Be quiet.” Neil did not. 

“You’re pretty, Andrew.” 

It took embarrassingly long for Andrew to reply. He felt like a teenager all over again, except this time he was capable of falling in love. 

“Drew,” Neil said, biting his lower lip to keep himself from smiling, “Drew, look at me.” 

Andrew did, reluctantly. 

“I told you already, I like you… and I can’t help but think you have something to say about it.” 

Well, what the fuck. What did he even have to lose anymore? For once Neil didn’t sound as dense as he acted and this could be Andrew’s only opening. 

“I hate you. But I’d still blow you if you asked.” 

There was a pause, Neil looked frozen in place, he was having a difficult time registering Andrew’s words. “You asked for it,” Andrew said. Neil sat up straighter. 

“Wait- really? Wait, I was kind of joking. Oh my god, you actually like me? ” 

“Do you have a hearing problem, Junkie? I said I hate you.” 

Neil smiled, hesitant and toothy. “Wait but- why? ” 

“I could ask the same for you.” 

“You drive me crazy Andrew. And I still can’t get over the fact that I realised it so late- but Andrew the things you do make me go nuts.” 

“You could say the same for me.” Andrew said, freeing himself from the heap of blankets to shift closer.

“I drive you crazy?” 

“You’re impossible. How many times do I have to repeat myself?” Andrew hovered a hand above the pulse-point in Neil’s neck. “Yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Neil breathed, and Andrew crashed their lips together. 

The kiss was everything and still nothing how Andrew expected it to be. Neil was in no way experienced, in fact he sucked at kissing, but god, Andrew was craving for lips he had never tasted before. He had imagined it all and yet it was still unfamiliar to him. Neil’s hands were gripping Andrew’s shirt and Andrew released him just long enough to rasp out a “hair only.” Neil smiled into their second kiss, his fingers clawing gently through Andrew’s hair. 

Andrew pulled back again, running a quick analysis over his body’s willingness and control. Neil’s hands dropped to Andrew’s shirt again. He looked wrecked, messy and hot all over. Neil laughed. “Kiss me again,” he said and Andrew delivered.

It was over just as suddenly as it had started, but Neil was new to this and Andrew vowed to never be any of the guys who hurt him. Andrew pressed a hand to Neil’s chest and kept them a distance apart. They untangled themselves and before Andrew went to brush his teeth, Neil hugged his waist, a light squeeze that said ‘I’m sorry’ but also ‘thank you. You were amazing.’