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Constance brought rock candy for the whole choir during lunch. She said her mom bought too many, and there were enough extras for everyone. They all got one- Noel got orange, Mischa got cherry, Penny got lemon, Constance got cotton candy, Ricky got blue raspberry, and Ocean got watermelon. Each was deliciously sweet and, true to their name, about as hard as rocks.
When Ocean bit into hers, there was a very distinct crack in her mouth, and then pain spiraled wildly throughout her lower jawbone.
With a noise of indignation, she ripped the wand of rock candy out of her mouth. Coating the pink crystallized sugar was the distinct sheen of blood-mixed saliva. She could also taste the metallic tang of blood on her tongue, which didn’t mix well with the sweetness of the watermelon flavor. She scrunched her nose up.
“What’s wrong?” Constance asked her, noticing her face.
Ocean tentatively touched the right side of her mouth. She could still feel the pain pulsing there, a heartbeat in her teeth.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I think I just bit wrong.”
By the end of the day, the discomfort had morphed from an annoyance to a distraction. And then, all at once, it felt as though she had been shot directly in the jaw.
A toothache wasn’t like an ache in a different part of the body. Any pain in the head was like that. You couldn’t hold the tender area, nor could you rub away the discomfort. It was a sort of thing you had to deal with in a certain way, and if you didn’t, then the issue would persist.
When Ocean got home, she decided to try to see what was wrong. In the bathroom, she leaned forward into the mirror with her jaw unhinged like a snake, looking into her mouth. Reflected back at her in the glass, she thought she could see the faintest crack split across her first molar on the lower right side.
Her tooth was fractured.
Well, that explained the pain, at least.
“Crap,” she whispered to herself.
Tooth injuries weren’t good for the sole reason of it being extremely difficult to keep them clean. The human mouth was packed full of bacteria, to the point where a bite from a person could be borderline venomous. No matter how many times you brushed your teeth or soaked your mouth with the most antiseptic mouthwash, there would always still be germs dancing around in there, too stubborn to be smothered completely.
Ocean went to her mom, telling her about what happened and showing her cracked tooth, but her mom simply dismissed the injury, as she did with basically everything. When Ocean expressed worry about it getting infected, her mom heaved an annoyed sigh and told her to go gargle some warm salt water if she was that nervous. Ocean went to do that. She didn’t bring her tooth up again.
The very next day, an infection set in.
Ocean’s entire face hurt, but especially on the right side.
It had been four days since the Rock Candy Incident, and she was already considering removing her entire lower jaw somehow just to escape how uncomfortable she felt all the time. Because she was uncomfortable all the time.
Speaking made it feel like a toothpick was sitting underneath her molar, and every time her jaw moved to say something, it would stab the toothpick into her gums over and over and over again, up and down, up and down. Breathing through her mouth seemed to push air through the crack in her tooth like a freezing gale slicing between two giant glaciers, irritating the tender pulp, but breathing through her nose didn’t ache any less. Brushing her teeth felt like dragging her clit over a valley of needles, but it wasn’t her clit, it was the raw, exposed nerves of her tooth. Even laying down hurt, as the increased blood flow put more pressure on her head, therefore putting more pressure on her mouth, and it had gotten to the point where she began sleeping sitting up, but that barely did anything to help at all. However, nothing hurt more than eating did.
She did her best to eat on the left side of her mouth, but no matter how hard she tried, the right side always got affected somehow. When she ate, instead of chewing food, she was chewing on the sensitive nerve fiber of her broken tooth, and it would send hot, vivid jags of electrical pain zigzagging wildly through her whole face. She would close her eyes through the sensation, and beneath her eyelids, she could see the throbbing crimson haze of her torture, twisting and turning violently like a snake that was engulfed in flames.
God forbid she ever actually bite down on the aching tooth.
She spent most of the weekend wracked in an iron maiden of pain, too distracted by discomfort to properly focus on her schoolwork. Every time she stared down at a worksheet, the words would tangle together, then float off the paper in a sort of thudding aura that synced up with both her heartbeat and the hammering ache in her broken tooth. When she blinked out of that daze, everything would return back to normal, only for it to happen all over again a few minutes later.
She hated this.
She kept a few bottles of painkillers in her room, hidden away from the prying eyes of her medicine-hating parents, but those would only work for about an hour before wearing off. She became desperate for relief and turned to the “natural, home remedies” her parents would insist on when she got hurt in any sort of way.
Except those didn’t help either.
She tried it all, everything at her disposal, but nothing helped.
Chewing garlic almost made her black out from the pain.
The heat of peppermint tea on her tooth’s temperature-sensitive pulp nearly sent her into a seizing fit.
Holding a cotton ball soaked in vanilla extract only caused the bitter taste congealing in her mouth to be a little less unappetizing.
Clove oil practically choked her.
Slathering honey on the tooth did nothing but turn her mouth into a sticky, goopy stew, and she ended up drooling this disgusting viscera of honey-mixed-blood all over herself when she became too dazed with fever to do anything else.
What she really needed was a dentist and a 1,000mg dosage of novocaine, but her parents taking her to something as “fraudulent” as a medical facility was about as likely as Noel telling the choir that he was straight. Her mom and dad would cut off their own arms before they “had her chipped and become one of the mindless hounds that would lick at the power-hungry government’s feet.”
“Big Pharma is always watching you, sweetie,” her mother would sometimes say. “We’re just trying to keep you safe.”
Well, if becoming the government’s lap dog would take this pain away, she would gladly get brainwashed and chipped.
“Oh my god, you look like a chipmunk with red hair!”
Ocean glared at Noel, who was cackling like a hyena. She was well aware that her cheeks were puffy from the swelling of her face, but she really didn’t need him pointing it out. The lingering pain did that for him.
It was Monday, and her condition hadn’t gotten any better. In fact, she was pretty sure she was getting worse.
The pain had spread from just the right side of her jaw normally, all the way up to her ear and down to her neck. Sometimes she could even feel it just beneath her right eyeball, thrumming like the bass in a car with bad speakers. Her gums were starting to swell up, and her mouth always tasted bitter and disgusting, no matter what she ate or drank…not that she was eating or drinking much anymore anyway. She hadn’t even slept at all the night before, too overwhelmed with how much her entire face hurt, and she mostly passed the time by crying to herself softly.
Crying made it hurt even more.
However, there was also this…other issue. A sort of boil had formed on her gums beneath her first molar at some point, a yellowish sort of color, filled with pus. Whenever she would poke it with her tongue, it would feel as though she had actually poked it with a knife.
It was an abscess.
She had an abscessed tooth.
She did a little research into abscessed teeth, surely thinking that they couldn’t be that bad, and Firefox gave her a rude reality check on the very first article she visited.
“A tooth infection will not go away on its own. Your toothache may stop if an infection causes the pulp inside your tooth to die. The pain stops because the nerve isn’t functioning anymore, so you may not be able to feel it. However, the bacteria will continue to spread and destroy surrounding tissue. If you have tooth infection symptoms, see your dentist even if you no longer have pain.”
Crap.
If she didn’t get help, her entire mouth could start to rot, the infection slowly devouring her whole face. She had to go to the dentist to get proper medical care, but her parents would never take her, even if she expressed how life-threatening this could be. They would just come up with another absurd excuse as to why she was actually fine or why medical providers were corrupt, like they did with everything. And, sure, she could ask one of her friends to take her, but that would mean having to, well, ask them, and Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg NEVER asked for help. There was no one more reliable than herself, and she could handle anything that came at her on her own. She would be fine.
She had to be.
“But a chipmunk with only one working cheek,” Penny said, joining Noel in the teasing, though she was more playful and lighthearted, probably not even meaning to poke fun. “Because only one side of her face is all puffy.”
“Haha, very funny,” Ocean said, rolling her eyes.
“Are you feeling okay, Ocean?” Constance asked. There was worry in her eyes, and it made Ocean want to squirm. She hated when people looked at her like that. It made her feel so weak. “You look feverish…”
Yeah, and your lymph nodes are GIANT, Ricky signed, making sure to enunciate the word “giant” with an exaggerated hand gesture and facial expression.
Ocean felt her neck, and sure enough, her lymph nodes were about the size of kiwis. They were tender beneath her fingertips. She did her best to shrug it off.
“I just got a little cold, that’s all,” she said. “But what else is new?”
It was a good excuse, and the choir might have bought it if it didn’t look like she had been stung by a million bees on the right side of her face. Mischa made sure to point this out.
“Riddle me this, then,” he said. “What kind of cold makes your face blow up like a balloon?”
“You’re over exaggerating,” Ocean said back. “It’s not even that swollen! And I don’t know, some kind of cold. Constance, cut it out!”
Constance had been trying over and over again to feel Ocean’s forehead, and Ocean kept batting her hand away. Constance frowned, her worry growing.
“Ocean, you have a fever.”
Before Ocean could make a remark, Noel came forward and felt her forehead.
“She’s right, you do,” he said. “You feel like a damn stovetop.”
“Can everyone please stop touching my face?” Ocean said miserably.
Penny touched the back of her hand to Ocean’s forehead.
“Penny, what did I just say?”
Ricky reached out, and Ocean gave him a look. He backed off.
“When did choir practice become ‘touch the ginger without her consent’?” Ocean said. She turned away from them and started striding for the risers set up against the wall. “We need to get to work! We’re on a time limit, people!”
“Ocean, what’s going on?” Constance said, following Ocean. “You’re burning up, and your face looks like you just got attacked by a jellyfish! Are you having an allergic reaction? Are you going into anaphylaxis? Do you have any hives? Noel, stop laughing, I’m worried!”
“There’s nothing to be worried about, seriously,” Ocean said. “I’m fine! I’ve already said that! There is nothing wrong!”
A spiraling corkscrew of pain wrenched viciously in Ocean’s broken, infected tooth, and she knew that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
Throughout practice, the pain got worse. The strain of singing pulled brutally on her sore gums, making her want to scrape her entire face off just to try and escape how badly she hurt. When she finally got home, she offered her parents a mumbled “hi” before trudging to her bedroom and breaking down into tears.
Fifteen minutes later, her mother came into her room.
Sniffling pathetically, Ocean wiped her eyes and looked up at her mom. “Yes, ma’am?” she said.
All her mother said was: “Come on.”
Ocean’s heart leapt into her throat. The joy that spread through her body was not as potent as novocaine, but it was relieving all the same. She was finally going to be freed from this pain! Instantly, she scrambled to her feet and went with her mother downstairs.
…Except, instead of heading to the car to drive to the dentist, Ocean followed her mother to the kitchen, where her father was standing.
He was holding a pair of pliers.
Ocean took a small, nervous step back, looking between her parents. “What’s going on?”
“We see that you’re hurting, sweetie,” her mother said. “We’re just going to help you. Come here.”
Ocean didn’t move.
“Come here, Ocean,” her father said in a firmer tone.
Begrudgingly, Ocean walked over to the two of them. Once she was close enough, her mother set a hand on her back and guided her to stand over the sink. Ocean wondered if she could feel her shaking.
“Can’t we just go to the dentist?” she asked meekly. She hated feeling so feeble, but she was fucking terrified. She couldn’t help it.
At that, her parents looked at her like she was insane. There was even a glint of disgust in their eyes.
“You know better than to say something like that, Ocean,” her mother said sternly.
Ocean swallowed thickly. Her mouth tasted like something had curled up and died in it. “Right. I’m sorry.”
“The pain is making you confused, that’s all,” her father said. “But don’t worry, this’ll help, we’re sure.”
Ocean could only nod weakly. She always tried to smother her fear with confidence and pride, but when she was with her mother and father, she never could seem to hide that weak part of her.
“Open your mouth.”
She didn’t want this to happen. She wanted to go to a dentist, where an actual professional could help her. She wanted to run away from this insanity.
“Open your mouth, Ocean.”
Ocean opened her mouth.
“Good girl,” her father said. “Hold still. This may pinch a little.”
It did more than pinch.
The moment the pliers clamped down on the broken tooth, it felt like a dog had just bitten directly into one of her nerves. She tried to yank away, but that just made it worse, and her mother’s hands grappled her, holding her still. And that was even before the pulling started.
But then it did, and she thought she was going to die, but dying would be easier than living with this pain.
The pain—a sharp, shooting sensation—radiated from her tonsils to her sinuses. She could feel it in her ears, her nose, her palate, her throat. She went blind in her right eye, and her whole body became terribly hot. Blood stung her mouth, and she thought she was going to throw up. She was barely aware that she was screaming.
She then heard this very distinct crack in her head; a second later, the tooth popped free from her swollen gums, alongside a plume of pus and blood.
That was when her knees buckled together. She slumped in her mother’s hands, eyes rolling to the back of her head. She didn’t remember hitting the ground.
An unknown amount of time later, Ocean awoke to agony in her gums and the taste of blood in her mouth. Her tongue tentatively prodded the area where her broken tooth used to be, and the squishy, moist flesh of an empty socket greeted her with a sharp throb.
The choir could tell that something was wrong with her during morning practice the next day. She did her best to evade their concerns, too uncomfortable and exhausted to deal with any nagging. She hadn’t slept at all last night. Again.
“Guys, I’m fine, really,” Ocean said, and then she felt a sharp sting in the right side of her mouth, as though a spear had just pierced the empty, gooey socket, which was quickly followed by a rush of hot, metallic liquid.
With almost impeccable comedic timing, blood started to spill from her lips.
The rest of the choir all got this matching horrified expression on their faces, as if they just watched her get beheaded in front of them, and she thought they were overreacting just a little. Especially Noel, who gagged and had to look away from her.
Ocean slapped a hand over her mouth to try and stop the blood from getting on her uniform—bad choice. Contact with her face made her see stars.
In the same breath, Constance and Mischa were both striding for her, hoping to steady her.
“We’re taking you to the hospital now,” Constance said in a firm tone that Ocean had only heard a few times before. It was genuinely a little startling to hear from someone as sweet as Constance Blackwood, but even still, Ocean tried to resist.
“No,” Ocean said, half-gargling on her blood. She really needed to spit it out, but that would be spitting it on the choir floor, and she would rather drown in it than do that. “I’m fine, seriously. It’s just a little blood.”
“You look like you just ate a handful of razor blades!” Noel cried, shielding his eyes from the sight of her bloody face.
I bet she wouldn’t even go to the hospital if she HAD swallowed razor blades, Ricky signed, and Penny nodded in agreement.
Well. He wasn’t wrong.
Still, Ocean shook her head. “The issue has already been solved. There’s no need!”
“What issue?” Mischa asked.
“I broke my tooth on that rock candy Constance gave us, and the whole thing got infected, but my dad pulled the tooth out yesterday, so I’m fine now,” Ocean explained.
They all stared at her.
“WHAT?!” Constance squawked.
“No offense to your parents— actually, no. Full offense to your parents because are they fucking STUPID?” Noel said. “You don’t just pull teeth if you’re not a professional! Holy shit, how have they even gotten this far in life?”
“Hey!” Ocean barked.
He’s right, Ricky agreed. Leaving the socket open without antibiotics can make the infection even worse.
“We’re taking you to the dentist,” Mischa said.
Ocean crossed her arms and stood her ground. “I’m not going anywhere. If you want me to go anywhere, you’ll have to drag me!”
Mischa looked at her. “Alright.”
That was how Ocean got carried out of the school, kicking and screaming, over the shoulder of a Ukrainian boy like she was a sack of potatoes.
They all ditched school and took Constance’s car to the only dentist facility in Uranium. The whole time, Ocean argued with them through blood and pus in her mouth, saying that she was fine, that she would heal, that she didn’t need any help.
“We don’t even have an appointment!” Ocean said. “They’re probably going to turn me away!”
“Oh, I’ll make sure they don’t,” Mischa assured her.
Ocean shook her head, then beseeched Constance. “Constance. You know how my parents will react if they find out you took me to a dentist. They’ll lose their minds. I don’t want to deal with that. Turn the car around, and take us back to school now.”
Constance looked at her in the rearview mirror and said, “No.”
Ocean slumped after that. She was tired and in pain, but more than that, she was so fucking nervous.
Her parents weren’t going to be happy.
Much to Ocean’s dismay, the dentist’s office was able to fit her in to be seen rather quickly. The dentist, a nice man with blonde hair, examined Ocean’s mouth and said that infection in the tooth that used to be present had spread into the socket and gums and was on its way to becoming a full dry socket. He cleaned out the socket, an extremely uncomfortable experience that made Ocean want to writhe, packed it full of a special paste that was said to promote healing, and then gave her antibiotics to fight the infection, and it enraged Ocean how easy that solution was. All she needed was a little medical Playdough and some pills? If she had known that, then this could have been handled a long time ago!
The dentist then informed her that she would need to come back to get the dressing changed every few days until the socket healed and the infection went away, and Ocean stared at him like his head had just sprouted wings and flew away.
“You’re… you’re joking, right?” she asked him.
He looked confused. “No, I’m not.”
“Oh god,” Ocean whispered to herself.
After the treatment was over, Ocean and the rest of the choir all just sat in the parking lot in Constance’s car for a few minutes, silence thick between each of them.
It was Constance who broke that silence.
“Ocean?” she said. “When will you learn to ask for help?”
Ocean didn’t look away from the window she was gazing out of as she told her, “You and I both know that’ll never happen.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“It doesn’t make you a burden, Ocean.”
“Yes, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yes, it does!” Ocean snapped, raising her head from where she had it resting against the window. “You know how awful it makes me feel, you know how weak it makes me seem, and all asking for help does is bother other people!”
“Ocean, I would pull down the fucking sun for you, so don’t come at me saying you would be bothering me,” Constance snapped back.
“You shouldn’t have brought me here. I would have been fine.”
“Well, then I’m so sorry for caring about your health! God forbid I don’t want my best friend to get sepsis!” Constance gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles going white, and she craned her head to look directly into Ocean’s eyes as she hissed, “Do you know how fucking terrifying it is to see the most important person in your life covered in blood?”
Ocean was rendered silent at that, and she ducked her head away, humiliated that she was being scolded like this in front of other people. The eyes of the other choir members, who had been spectating silently, were burning through her skin, and she desperately wanted to hide away from them.
She heard Constance unbuckle her seatbelt, then get out of the car. A moment later, the door on Ocean’s side was opened with force, and Constance was standing before her with tears of anger and worry in her eyes. It made Ocean’s chest ache intensely.
“Get out of the car,” Constance said, and Ocean did so slowly. She was half-expecting Constance to ditch her, but instead, she found herself wrapped tightly in Constance’s arms.
“I was so worried about you, Ocean,” Constance said. “Please, please don’t do something like that ever again. Please.”
Ocean couldn’t promise something like that, and on a certain level, she was sure Constance knew that, too. But for the sake of her best friend, Ocean returned the embrace and agreed for now.
She needed to get better at hiding things.