Archive of Our Own

Nights are relaxing time.

It was even more relaxing as Beomgyu spent his time playing this game that had been occupying his nights these days. The only sound heard in the room was the clacking of keyboards and his occasional screams at the near-death situations he faced on the screen.

The only perk Beomgyu had discovered after having his own room was that he could be as noisy as he wanted without hearing constant shushing from the other side of the room. Usually by this time of the night, a pillow would come flying to smack him and cause him to lose the round, or the leader would passive aggressively stomp his way out from the room and play in the living room because he was ‘too noisy’. 

Soobin should’ve understood him, being a gamer himself, that he couldn’t have possibly stayed quiet when playing a game. Especially when the game was this nerve-wracking. Maybe it was actually good that he didn’t have to room with the guy again. 

It was not like he ever missed him or anything. Totally not. 

“Another round?” Minjeong's voice sounded through the headphones perched atop Beomgyu’s red head. Right, he was even wearing headphones. How could he be that noisy, then? It made no sense. 

“Of course, the night is still young!”

Right as he voiced out his excited answer, the door to his room was opened with a bang. He jerked on his seat, wheeling himself around to look at the intruder, who was none other than the annoying ex-roommate he was thinking about just seconds ago. Apparently the telepathy skill he learned when he was 8 still worked. 

“Hi, Soobin! Are you here to join us?” he beamed at the male. “Or are you finally here to finally room with me again?”

The sunshine dripping from his voice was diminished instantly the moment he noticed the storm Soobin brought as he marched into the room. He grew alert instantly, shrinking into his gaming chair when the male walked closer, reaching out to dislodge one of the headphones covering his ear. 

“Are you hearing yourself? You’re talking so loudly at 3AM,” he said, voice hushed, but still firm enough that Beomgyu could feel the pensiveness of the situation.

He frowned. “You’re in the next room and your bed isn’t even by this wall. How could you even hear anything?”

“Wow. Must be nice to be the only one who doesn’t know how fucking loud you can be. Also, there’s a hole in that wall.”

“You don’t need to be an ass about it?!”

Soobin stared at him long and hard, and Beomgyu could sense the slowly burning anger within him. One that usually arose whenever Beomgyu would push his boundary too much and make him snap. He feared this Soobin, knowing how scary one could be to explode when they rarely get angry. Still, he tipped his chin up, challenging the elder.

His brother always warned him that he would see the consequences someday since he never knew when to stop. He started fearing that today’s the day. Soobin had been putting up with his shit for so long.

Instead of getting into trouble, he saw the first hint of anger extinguished from Soobin’s eyes, replaced by exhaustion. A suffocating emotion swirled in his chest, knowing that he was the one causing this. He would rather have Soobin yelling at him instead of trying to handle everything on his own.

Soobin sighed, running his fingers through his messy hair. “Whatever… Just, try to tone it down, will you? Sorry for yelling at you.”

The room went completely silent once Soobin walked out, leaving the door click into close. Beomgyu stared at the blank air, the frown staying in his face. He glanced at the hole marking the wall, remembering how he always opened his door too hard that the knob dug a dent into the wall, and eventually through it. 

It was not big enough for him to actually peep and see what Soobin was doing on the other side of the wall, but the elder got a point about the noise. The thin wall was barely enough to block the sound, and the appearance of the hole just made it worse.

“Guess we are calling it a day,” Minjeong said nervously, reminding him that he was still logged into the game lobby and that she had witnessed the whole thing.

He turned back around to face the screen, gnawing at his lower lip between his teeth as he looked at his friend whose camera was on in the stream. “Yeah, it’s getting late anyway. Good night, Min.”

He watched as the video call went dark, then he got into bed the next second after turning off the light. It was just 3AM, which was the common time for him to play a game when he didn’t have to wake up early the next day. It felt odd that he was already buried under his blanket, staring up blankly into the dark room as his eyes adjusted to the minimum lights.

Soobin used to stay up with him, too. He never complained about the noise because he would exclaim and sometimes laugh too. That period was the best one for Beomgyu. He had never felt so awake and so alone in the quietest hour of the night like at this very moment. 

The first hint of the change was looming in the horizon when Soobin had that private schedule to audition for a role, all nervous and antsy, but still smiling at everyone while telling them that it was just for experience. The change was fixed the moment Soobin actually got the role, and not long after, he was launched head first into the acting world. 

Beomgyu was elated for him; he was the one who cheered the loudest and arranged the party for him the night of the announcement, the way he did it before after the MC gig as well. Despite that, he couldn’t help but to start feeling the absence. They used to be attached by the hips 24/7, and now Soobin was experiencing things somewhere Beomgyu had no part in. 

The wall separating the rooms looked more solid and Beomgyu-proof. Perhaps he had done it on purpose whenever he was being loud at night. He wanted Soobin to hear him, to know that he was still awake – maybe that way Soobin would remember the fun time they shared. Maybe that way Soobin missed him too.

The selfish plan backfired on him. Now he couldn’t sleep because of the liquid guilt that was swirling inside his guts. The light in Soobin’s room was still on, he could see the sliver of brightness from the hole in the wall. 

It was just about time his impulsivity take over his mind. No one could think with their right mind at this time of the night anyway.

Before he knew it, his feet carried him to the other’s room. He fidgeted in front of the door, lifting his hand so that his fist hovered above the wood, only to lower it back down. He stayed for a full five minutes before the door until he could muster up some courage to lift his hand again. 

Only for the door to swing open before his knuckles could meet the hard surface. He stood face to face with Soobin, who still looked exhausted, but curious.

“You’ve been snooping around here like a thief. It’s kinda scary,” he said, cracking a smile that did not reach his eyes. Beomgyu wanted to wipe it away from his face. It felt worse when his leader had to muster up the rest of his energy just to make him feel at ease. 

“Hyung, why are you not sleeping? I saw in the group chat that you have to go to the filming site at ten.”

Soobin grimaced at the reminder, stepping aside when Beomgyu shouldered past his side, walking into the room that had lost its familiarity to him. When was the last time he entered the room to play? He didn’t even bother to use Odi as an excuse to check up on the leader any more, like how he used to. 

“Yeah, but I haven’t memorized my lines yet. I can’t turn up at the site unprepared.”

Squatting by Odi’s area, he occupied himself teasing the hedgehog from outside his pouch. The little creature stayed still, unbothered by the nudging of his finger. Even as he was occupied by the act, his ears stayed alert to every sound or movement from across the room. The rustles of the bed sheet as Soobin sat down on his bed, the flipping of pages, scribbles of pen. It felt weirdly comforting, if only it was not for the deep sigh that the leader let out yet again.

Beomgyu decided that it was time to stop pretending coming into the room to see the hedgehog. The little smart guy probably knew his intention all along and that’s why he refused to warm up to him.

Once he found his way to Soobin’s bed, he nudged his legs away to give him a spot on the bed, snatching the thick book of script from Soobin’s hands. “What’s the scene that got you so stressed anyway? You got so snappy.”

The book was snatched back from him before he could make sense of the words, only catching a few highlighted words and little notes on the side.

“No spoiler for you.”

“I just wanted to help? You could use me to practice as your co-actor, like maybe if you got some fighting scenes, or some quarreling one,” Beomgyu huffed, eyeing the book with a purpose now. Since it was being kept like a top secret, it became his mission to uncover it. 

“Not sure if you could help with this one,” as if Soobin knew his burning intention, he just had to spice it up with a challenge. 

“At least describe it for me? You know I won’t remember it after I left the room!”

Soobin pondered for a while before he finally nodded in resolution. “Are you sure you wanted to help with this though? I mean, I do have some difficulties with this one scene. The rest are easy peasy.”

“Just tell me!”

Impatient, Beomgyu crawled over to grab onto Soobin’s shirt, shaking him lightly. Instead of retaliating, Soobin looked serious, it made him a little nervous. The thing is, he’d never know whether Soobin was joking or not, since he could say the most stupid thing without even batting an eyelash. This time was one of those moments that made him wish he could read minds.

“It’s a kissing scene.”

That got Beomgyu stunned for a few seconds too long. He blinked slowly, waiting for a laugh to break. But Soobin’s face stayed pensive, his eyes holding his gaze for a moment too long, until Beomgyu was the one who pulled away, stumbling right back into the bed on his butt.

“K-kissing scene, of course,” he said, punching himself mentally for the stutter. “I didn’t know the drama was a romance one. You made it sound so cool and all.”

The first hint of a smile made it to Soobin’s face, but it was more of a mocking one than anything else. “See? Can’t do it.”

Oh. He did not just do that. 

Everyone knew better than to challenge Beomgyu, especially when it was about something that he shouldn’t be doing. But Soobin, being Soobin, always had to get under his skin and provoke him. It was as if he wanted Beomgyu to take up the challenge. Except, this was also Choi Soobin who exploded on him for being noisy. There was no way he wanted to kiss Beomgyu.

And that was exactly why Beomgyu was more compelled to do this.

“I can do it!” he exclaimed, almost offended. “I said I would help, right? Kissing is a piece of cake. Who the hell can’t kiss? Can’t be me. I’m experienced in this field, maybe even more than you.”

Soobin was taken aback for a second, then quickly collected himself as he snorted. “Where did you get the time to date people, let alone kiss them? Did you even have your first kiss yet?”

That made Beomgyu gape, lips parted with no sound while the gears in his brain turning in full force to come up with a comeback. That was low, even for Soobin, and it was even more offensive because he knew it was true. 

Ever since their debut, they didn’t have any time for dating or making out with people. Beomgyu’s last experience with a romantic interest was when his classmate kissed him on the cheek when he was 8 years old, and that became the hot topic for a month back then. 

Seeing the doubtful look in Soobin’s eyes was enough to make the fire spread through Beomgyu’s body. He wouldn’t let anyone, even his leader, shame him like this for his lack of romantic actions he got in his life. Besides, lack of experience does not mean that he couldn’t help? It’s not like you have to be an expert in kissing to kiss in front of the cameras. 

That was proven by how this loser of a leader could land a kissing scene in the first place, when he was just as bitchless as Beomgyu had been, if not more. 

“Let’s do it.”

Soobin’s smile faded when Beomgyu crawled towards him on the bed. He scooted even closer on his knees until he was straddling one of Soobin’s thighs and sat on it, making it impossible for him to leave.

“What?”

“Kiss,” he said firmly, slapping a hand over Soobin’s mouth when he parted his lips to speak, already expecting a complaint to spill out. “I’m being a good ex-roommate here, helping you with the scene that you found difficult. Just shut your mouth and kiss me.”

That worked in getting the leader to stay quiet. His lips were still parted in surprise when Beomgyu lifted his hand. It was almost adorable. Soobin could be adorable when he was not saying shit or shushing him. 

Now that he stared at the pair of plush lips with the thought of kissing them, Beomgyu could feel the heat creeping up his neck.

It was not like he had never seen Soobin’s lips up close. They had lived together for so long, and he had seen a lot of photos that highlighted his lips, with the lip products and everything that made them look glossy and plush. But even now, they looked shiny under the room’s light, and if he had never thought of kissing his leader before, he might have started at the very second. 

“So…” he drew himself closer, heart pounding in his chest as he got close enough to the point that he could count Soobin’s eyelashes if he tried. “Do you still need my help, hyung? Isn’t it better to fuck up now than during the filming?”

He sucked his lower lip between his teeth, watching as Soobin’s gaze fell to follow the movement. The elder was truly considering it, and Beomgyu felt his stomach twist in anticipation. 

What did he want? Did he want Soobin to laugh it off so that he could also call it a joke and go back to his room? Or maybe he wanted Soobin to grab him and kiss him right there. With the proximity between them, he could already taste Soobin’s lips on his.

Before he could slap himself mentally for the latter thought, Soobin’s deep voice broke the silence, jolting him out of the small trance. 

“This is not how we kiss.”

“Huh?” he choked out, frowning as he cast his gaze up to meet Soobin’s eyes again since he apparently had been staring at the elder’s lips without even realizing it. How pathetic.

“The scene for tomorrow. We don’t kiss sitting on the bed like this. And definitely not this… comfy.” 

Beomgyu looked down at where Soobin was staring at when he said that, only to shriek and scramble off from the other’s lap the next second. He scooted backwards so far the bedsheet was scrunched up beneath him, and he did not stop until his back hit the headboard of the bed. 

“I’m sorry!” he scream-whispered, just realizing that he was yelling in the wee hours of the night, though he usually didn’t have that much consideration. It was just the nature of this situation that made him weirdly conscious, and he hated the way Soobin looked at him now. 

He also hated the way Soobin could still smile and laugh, as if he was not crawling towards him, and cornering him against the headboard. Like he didn’t have his hand lifted to rest on the side of Beomgyu’s head, trapping his way out from the bed. And God, he was so close, Beomgyu couldn’t breathe. 

How the tables had turned.

“Like this,” Soobin said. He still had the audacity to smile like Beomgyu was not close to passing out from heart palpitations, dimples and all. “I will have to pin my partner against the wall and stare at them for like a whole minute before kissing them, background music and everything.”

“Of course… Everyone’s favorite pose,” Beomgyu tried to crack a joke. “Do I have a line to say?”

“No… just, close your eyes.”

Beomgyu did it right away, eyelashes fluttering as his eyelids fell shut. It was better this way, as he didn’t need to look into Soobin’s eyes. This way, Soobin wouldn’t be able to trace any sign of nervousness in his eyes. He hoped that the warmth blooming in his cheeks did not translate to any kind of nervous, first-time flush.

“Good boy,” Soobin said, making his breath hitch because what was that . 

This was the moment where a single second felt like an eternity. It sure felt that way for Beomgyu, despite knowing that not much time had passed since he closed his eyes. He hated being in the unknown, left in the dark literally. 

Except, Soobin was there. His warmth was getting closer, as he trapped Beomgyu against the makeshift wall. His breath gently caressing his cheek. 

Beomgyu was always one to make a bad decision, and this time, he proudly made one too when he cracked his eyes open slightly. His eyes were still half lidded, but he could see as Soobin leaned in. All trace of smile was gone from his face, and Beomgyu instantly knew that he had gotten into the character, because there was no way Choi Soobin would look at him like this.

Like he actually wanted Beomgyu. Like he would die if he didn’t kiss Beomgyu right now. 

“You’re so pretty,” Soobin whispered, making Beomgyu’s lips parted in daze, just before he tilted his head and sealed their lips in a kiss. 

Beomgyu didn’t really know what to expect.

Everyone described their first kiss as something exhilarating, unforgettable, or just downright beautiful. They said that it would stay with you forever. But what’s the case for a kiss where you were doing it for practice? Could Beomgyu claim this as his own? Could he claim the feeling drawn all over Soobin’s face earlier to be caused by him?

Not like he could think, as his senses were all muted, hypersensitive only to everything that was related to Soobin. 

His plush lips against his, fingers burning into the side of his waist, the warmth of his body pressing against him. He didn’t even realize that his eyes had fallen shut again, only realizing that when their lips parted and he heard a soft chuckle when he tried to chase after Soobin’s lips. 

Heat exploded in his face when his eyes snapped open. Soobin was still so close, and he was smiling, taking his breath away. He looked tired, still, but Beomgyu hadn’t registered the twinkle in his eyes until now that he was this close. He hoped that he was the one causing it.

“What’s so funny?” he hissed, bringing his hand up to cover Soobin’s eyes because he might explode if Soobin kept looking at him like this. 

“Nothing. Was that your first kiss, Beomgyu-ya?”

His jaw dropped at the accusation, which might have hit closer home than Soobin expected. He was thankful that he was covering Soobin’s eyes at least, so that the hyung couldn’t see the incredulous expression in his face as he gaped for an answer to that offensive question. 

“I was just acting! Isn’t that how your partner should behave? Everyone acts like that for the first kiss in the drama! Always frozen and all surprised until it’s cut to the next scene!”

“It’s not like that anymore these days, though. They kiss pretty passionately, at least for non-teenage characters like this person I play.” 

Even without seeing the teasing look in Soobin’s eyes, Beomgyu could already expect that much from him. It was dripping thickly from his words, and confirmed further by the curl of his lips into a smirk. 

“Well you didn’t brief me about that part! I could’ve done better!” he said defensively, despite knowing that no , he couldn’t have done better, not when his brain was all frozen when Soobin kissed him earlier, all thoughts jumbled up and thrown out of the window. He hated giving Soobin this much power over him. 

“Okay, wanna try again then?” 

“Again?!”

“Practice makes perfect.” As he said that, Soobin grabbed Beomgyu’s hand that was still covering his face, holding it firmly and pressing it against the headboard of the bed next to Beomgyu’s head. “Do you want to show me, Beomie?”

That challenging tone again. Soobin really knew what to do to rile him up, and Beomgyu shouldn’t fall for it so easily. Not when he could just bid him good night and go back to his room so that he wouldn’t have to deal with a potential heatstroke just from a damn kiss. 

It's just that Soobin knew him well. Too well. That his actions became predictable even to himself at this point. 

This time, he was the one who pulled Soobin in by his nape. Their lips met again, but it was not in the sweet and chaste kiss like the one before. It felt more intense, as if they had wanted this for so long, instead of just kissing for the sake of practice. With the quickened beating of Beomgyu’s heart, he grew even more eager. His lips melding against Soobin’s, chasing every kiss that was given to him. Not like Soobin’s lips ever left at all. 

He didn’t realize the firm grip around his waist, or the way his arms were freed, now clinging around Soobin for his dear life. It was baffling too, that he didn’t realize that he was being manhandled so effortlessly, until he registered the soft cushion of the bed beneath his frame. A grunt escaped him at the weight that landed over him, setting his insides ablaze when he realized that it was Soobin’s body framing his own, and that Soobin still hadn’t stopped kissing him. 

At least not until they were both breathless. Beomgyu’s head tilted back as he inhaled a lungful of air, and Soobin’s head was dropped to rest onto his shoulder, nuzzling into his shirt.

Soobin was so good at acting. This could be dangerous for him.

“Was that supposed to be that intense?” Beomgyu said, staring blankly at the ceiling as if the kiss had sucked half his soul out of his body. It didn’t help that Soobin was still atop of him. His heartbeat just couldn’t calm down and he was going to blame it all on the leader. 

“Nope. But it’s good to practice more than less.”

“Am I supposed to be on the bed?” Beomgyu asked, still dazed. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” That’s when Soobin finally lifted some of his weight from his body, and he felt strangely cold, he ended up curling his fingers around Soobin’s shirt again to pull him back down. “Huh?”

“You still suck at kissing, by the way,” he said once Soobin’s eyes found him again, watching as the elder frowned at him. “I think you need more practice.”

Soobin seemed to be back to his old self again for that split second, because now his eyes rounded up in surprise, and Beomgyu loved that he was the one with the power to fluster him now. He could even see the light flush across Soobin’s cheeks that he didn’t see before, and it made his chest feel full, knowing that he was the one causing this. 

Almost as if this was the Choi Soobin, his leader, and not any random guy he played for his drama. Whatever, he didn’t have the time to think about it since Soobin was soon back in character, and Beomgyu had to focus.

It was easy, since he lost his mind the moment Soobin was back on top of him and kissing him again.

⁀➷

When Beomgyu woke up the next day, it took him a moment to recognize a few things that were so, so wrong:

1. He was sleeping on Soobin’s bed
2. The leader was nowhere to see
3. They kissed so much. All night. To the point that he had forgotten why they were even kissing in the first place. 

Until it hit him in full force now that Soobin was not with him anymore to fluster him and clouding his brain with the urge to kiss him. Beomgyu could still feel the ghost of Soobin’s lips on his own. His lips didn’t even feel like his own lips anymore at this point with how much they were kissing the night before.

That caused him to grab a pillow and scream into it. 

Okay, that felt good.

Apparently, the pillow didn’t really help, because the next minute, the bedroom’s door was slammed open, and Beomgyu jolted up quickly as if he was caught in an inappropriate circumstance. 

It was Yeonjun, eyeing him from the doorway with a curious look. “So you slept here. I thought you already went to the office early in the morning. Jisoo hyung was looking for you.”

“Why would I go so early?”

“Why would you sleep in Soobin’s room?”

Beomgyu hated Yeonjun for always asking all the right questions, so he threw Soobin’s pillow at him, barely missing the eldest and hitting the door instead. He sat there in a shameful silence, wondering about all the why s that popped up in his head, until he turned to look at Odi in his playzone, spotting the hedgehog looking at him with a look full of accusation. 

At least the only witness of his crime couldn’t rat him out. If no one knew about it, Beomgyu would be able to forget that it happened. 

⁀➷

That sounded easy in his head. He just didn’t expect another day to come where Soobin would ask him with his acting the second time.

It was two weeks after their first kissing practice, and Soobin seemed to be in a better mood when he waltzed over towards Beomgyu who had just changed out of his sweaty practice shirt. Nothing was suspicious about this action, except for the sweet smile on Soobin’s face and the request that was dropped out of the blue.

“Let’s go on a date.”

Beomgyu’s jaw dropped at the offer that was blurted out so casually. They had been acting normally ever since that night, never mentioning any hint of kiss since it was normal for them to ‘practice’ and everything. But for some reason, the Soobin today reminded Beomgyu of the one from that night. Did he lose his leader to the drama character again?

“Why would I go on a date with you?” he frowned, sounding a little too defensive. 

“You helped me practice last time and it went well, so I figured we can do it today too,” Soobin explained, which had no explanation at all on why it had to be Beomgyu. 

He also swallowed a bitter taste in his mouth, reassuring himself that it was not because he disliked the small details of Soobin doing well kissing his partner for the drama. He had no right to feel that.

“Why me? Taehyun’s free.”

“You claimed to be an expert in kissing, but not in dating? I guess people have their own speciality.”

Okay, fuck it. Beomgyu didn’t need to know why. He just needed to prove Soobin wrong, and Soobin definitely knew that it would provoke him to agree, judging from that same cocky smile on his face. 

This time, Soobin would regret it.

Soobin explained the scenario of the scene during their ride to the place. They were going to act as a couple - literally acting while they were acting – who had a private tour in a museum. How boring.

“How come you keep getting these romantic scenes?” Beomgyu scowled when they reached the museum. 

He was not so big on museum dates, despite loving the vibe and aesthetic. What’s more important for him was communication, and even from the very second they stepped into the museum, Soobin was already distracted from him, eyes scanning the arts displayed.

The thing he hates the most during a date is when his partner doesn't have their whole attention on him.

“That’s the wrong way to look at it, Beomie. I only need to practice these particular scenes because I’m good at everything else.”

“You’re speaking like you've never dated or kissed people.”

“I mean, I did… but not experienced enough to know how to do it after so long? Good thing you’re an expert.”

Beomgyu smiled sweetly at him, though the smile dropped instantly once Soobin walked ahead of him. How could Soobin be this gullible and let Beomgyu scam him twice already? It was a miracle that the last shooting went well, because Beomgyu had no credibility at all to teach Soobin how to kiss. It’s like two blind people helping each other. 

Not his business anyway. The only thing he needed to do was proving to Soobin that he was experienced in this whole dating scene. He already had ideas brewing in his head as he started at Soobin’s back. 

He made a small run, crashing right onto Soobin’s side and hooking his arm around the elder’s. A grin spread across his lips when he saw the surprised look.

“This is how people walk around when they’re dating. How come you never noticed?” 

He tried to act nonchalant and cool about it, though it was more difficult than what he expected since Soobin wouldn’t budge when he tried to drag him along. It looked more embarrassing this way, with his arm looped around Soobin’s, while the male did not even want to move. 

His heart was about to fall when his arm was pried off, only to have it fall in a whole different way when he felt the warmth traveling down to his palm, between his fingers. When he looked down, Soobin had locked their fingers together. 

“ This is how people walk around when they’re dating. You should up your dating game.” As if the holding hands was not bad enough, Soobin was smiling when Beomgyu looked up to catch his gaze again. Dimples and all.

Before Beomgyu could will his heart to stay still after the little surprise, Soobin was already dragging him towards the piece of sculpture nearest to them. This was the moment he realized that museum dates were actually a good choice, because this way, when Soobin was distracted with everything else in the room, he was not going to see the flush in Beomgyu’s cheeks. 

That relief didn’t last for long, since Soobin got bored of the arts pretty soon, and Beomgyu ended up being the one who dragged him around so that the money they wasted for the entrance fee wouldn’t go to waste.

The drama that Soobin was filming was focused on crimes, as he heard the leader explain enthusiastically before when he got the role back then, but he didn’t think it’d be so boring in the romance part that the couple picked such a place for a date. Not that he could think about all these now. 

His brain had been empty for the last five minutes or so while his eyes scanned over the pictures they passed while walking sluggishly. The cause of this was none other than Choi Soobin.

“Stop staring at me. Can’t you pretend to be more interested in the arts?” he finally snapped, turning his head to glare at Soobin, who was not even trying to be discreet when he was staring at Beomgyu the whole time. 

It was unmistakable too, since Beomgyu could feel the heavy gaze boring into the side of his head. Soobin didn’t even seem to listen to him when he tried to make a conversation about the painting or the weird sculpture they passed.

“But I’m not interested in these arts,” Soobin blinked, sounded confused as if he didn’t see the problem. 

“Are you interested in me then?”

“Compared to the other stuff displayed here? Yes, you’re actually the prettiest.”

That was Soobin and his ability to say the most jaw-dropping things in the most casual way. There was no teasing smile or flirty look, just Soobin staring at him with confused eyes, while Beomgyu’s jaw was on the floor.

“You… Was that a line from your drama? Are we starting the practice now?” he tried to regain his composure, despite his voice that sounded too close to breaking. He should get himself together so he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of Choi Soobin, his ex-roommate loser who he had beaten hundreds of times in a game. He couldn’t lose like this.

Soobin just had to keep going with his rudeness, leaning in to bring his face closer to Beomgyu’s. “What if it wasn’t?”

“What-”

“Let’s just say it was, you look like you’re going to run away anytime soon,” Soobin broke into laughter right after, withdrawing himself into a safe distance, but tightening his hold on Beomgyu’s hand when the younger was about to dash away. “Sorry! I wanted to loosen you up a little. Who cares about the arts?”

“You didn’t even tell me what I’m supposed to do here. Why do you need practice just to walk around holding hands?” Beomgyu pressed, stomping his feet in frustration. 

The look of realization filled Soobin’s face, just before he smiled rather sheepishly, so different from his cocky self from before. “Right. I forgot.”

Beomgyu pawed at his face before walking away angrily, but not without pulling Soobin along by their locked hands.

⁀➷

He didn’t expect the practice would be this serious. 

Kissing Soobin was something that Beomgyu could pretend not to happen since that night was only for the two of them to recall. But he couldn’t do that with this second practice session, not when Soobin apparently had told the staff that he was going to hold a kind of ‘event’ here, and they were more than excited to help. 

“This is a good practice for me, actually. We need to convince them that we’re actually a couple.”

“Are you even going to tell me what we’re going to do? Will there be an action scene? A thief will be coming and we’re going to stop them?”

“Beomgyu,” Soobin said flatly. “I paid you to play my romantic counterpart, so just focus on that.”

“You didn’t even pay me!”

Soobin ignored that, catching Beomgyu’s hand back in a firm (warm) lock that made him sweaty (was it because he was nervous? He hoped the other couldn’t feel it). As they walked towards whatever area the leader planned for them, Beomgyu stared at their locked hands, marveling at how big Soobin hand was compared to his. His hand was not the smallest one in the group, not even a small one compared to everyone else, but Soobin had this special power to make him feel small and protected and loved and…

Scratch that. He really should focus on the game.

As they entered a spacious room devoid of people, Beomgyu started feeling more alert. They stopped right by a sculpture of some phallic looking item. A joke was already on the tip of his tongue, and ended up sliding back down his throat when he jumped from the sound of Soobin’s whistle.

“What?” he frowned at the elder, who grimaced at him. 

“Don’t laugh. Just. Respond dramatically, okay? Since I can’t leak you the script, we will do it 100% authentic here. Just help me get the right vibe.”

“What–what are you talking about, I–”

While Beomgyu was trying not to freak out and tugging at Soobin’s sleeve trying to urge him to tell him, the sound of violin started filling the room as two people in neat suits walked in. His mouth gaped as he looked at them, puzzle pieces scrambling around in his head, until they clicked into a single picture.

It dawned on him a little too late, because when he turned back to look at Soobin, he wasn’t there.

Instead, the male was down on one knee. A silver ring was presented towards Beomgyu, glinting under the lighting of the museum, while the violent kept playing in the background. His head was spinning at this point, and Soobin still had the audacity to smile, dimples and all, as if Beomgyu’s head was not thumping so quickly inside his chest to the point that he was about to pass out or die right there.

“No way,” he breathed out, slapping a hand over his mouth. 

There was an edge of a smirk forming on Soobin’s lips, a tiny hint of victory that didn’t hit him a few seconds too late. Only once Soobin’s eyes softened again that Beomgyu snapped himself back into reality.

He was not the one being proposed here. The scene Soobin was referring to earlier turned out to be a proposal scene, and now he didn’t have much time to get into his acting mode because 1) he had never been proposed before and 2) Soobin couldn’t stop smiling, it was affecting Beomgyu’s brain in the worst way. 

“Will you marry me?” Soobin finally voiced it out, exhaling the words as if he had been holding them in for so long, the feelings that coated the words grew and grew inside him to the point that it was almost painful, and now that he released it, he could finally breathe again. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you will trust me with your forever.”

Beomgyu hadn’t realized how good of an actor Soobin was until he saw him right there, with the reflection of light and himself in the pair of his eyes. The eyes that held so much love and affection for him, brimming with hope for a future for the two. 

For a second there, he almost believed it.

A part of his brain that was not threatening to float away reacted on its own. He extended his hand, stifling a squeal into his hand. “Oh my god, you have no idea how much I’ve been waiting for this! Put it on me!”

There was a glint of surprise crossing Soobin’s eyes at first, but he was an actor through and through, because his movement was still smooth when he slipped the finger around Beomgyu’s ring finger. It fit snugly on the base, as if the leader purposely bought one for him just for this occasion. 

The thought didn’t stay long as he was already throwing himself at the other when Soobin was back on his feet. He felt Soobin’s hands instantly catching him by the waist. The warmth of his palm sliding to rest behind the small of his back. 

“Babee, I didn’t know you’d do this,” Beomgyu said, still clinging onto him with his hands around his neck. “Let’s get married in Italy.”

Soobin arched his brows. “You didn’t even give me an answer.”

“Stupid, it’s a yes!” 

As he said that, there was a pop of confetti and some sparkly papers going around them on the floor. It seemed that the staff really took this seriously, because the two were watching them with the most touched look, even the staff who was still playing the violin. 

The looks started to turn into an expectant one the longer they stayed in this position, and Beomgyu knew that Soobin didn’t plan anything further than this. He knew the leader quite well. So he looked up, eyes alerting towards the staff. 

Soobin leaned in to nuzzle into his hair. “Keep going,” he whispered, and Beomgyu wanted to yell at him because what was he supposed to do by keep going ?

Whatever happened next,  he decided to blame Soobin for letting him grab onto his impulsivity.

The next thing he did was to cup Soobin’s face, pull him in, and press a kiss to his mouth. Despite this not being their first kiss, the sensation felt just like the first one. Beomgyu’s senses were muted with the exception of the softness of Soobin’s lips beneath his own, until he heard the gasps from the staff, and then the violin started playing, and everyone started clapping, including the guests who happened to witness the scene. 

He shyly pulled away, pulling his mask back up just to cover the additional shade of pink in his face, and praying to god that he was not famous enough for one of the guests to notice him. But Soobin was still smiling when they parted, and Beomgyu’s worries floated away.

⁀➷

It was dark when they came back to the dorm. 

Beomgyu had complained after they walked out of the museum, giving the latter enough pressure to treat him out for some meat and beer before they headed home. With his stomach full and chest warm, he didn’t have any qualms about the embarrassing scene they caused at the museum. 

The ring stayed around his finger, and he only realized it once they were back at home. Soobin was stretching, saying something about dibs on the bathroom, when Beomgyu chased after him, grabbing at him with the back of his shirt. 

“You forgot your ring,” he said, withdrawing his hand to take it off, only for Soobin’s hand to cover his hands. 

(He noticed that Soobin could hold both his hands with one hand, but that was not the point.)

“Keep it, I bought it for you anyway,” Soobin said, looking down at his fingers and smiling. “Pretty. It suits you.”

Thump .

He blinked up at the elder, swallowing the questions bubbling up in his throat. Questions of why s, what s, how much s, or how . He decided that he didn’t need to know the why s when it came to Soobin, just like how he came into the decision when he pulled Soobin towards him, fingers curling to the front of Soobin’s shirt to keep him there.

“Stop saying that.”

“What?” Soobin questioned, tilting his head to the side. He really didn’t get it.

“Pretty.”

“But you’re pretty, Beomgyu-ya.”

Thump.

“Is that why you are willing to kiss me? Out of everyone else that you can use to practice?”

“I don’t…” Soobin started, but he instantly shut up when he saw Beomgyu’s face drawing closer to his. 

Beomgyu tiptoed, tilting his head to press a kiss to his lips. He let it linger this time, lacking any scenario or lines. This time, he was just Choi Beomgyu, who kissed his leader right in front of the doors to their bedroom. The other three members were in their own room, and they could come out any time and catch them in this compromising situation.

Yet he couldn’t care less about that, and neither did Soobin, because he could feel his hands grabbing him by the waist again. The hold was protective and firm, guiding him back to press him against the door to his room. What started off as a sweet kiss from his end turned into a more eager one. 

It felt like Soobin actually desired him, couldn’t stop kissing him or it’d pain him. 

Because Beomgyu felt that way too, despite being breathless when Soobin finally pulled away. His eyes dazed, lips parted as he peered up at the elder, who still had his eyes closed. Their foreheads bumped gently. Soobin took a deep breath, fingers squeezing his waist.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Practice,” Beomgyu simply said, swallowing the bitter taste of lie, despite a more bitter one spewed out as a question. “Do you kiss your co-actor like that?”

Soobin snorted. “I only kiss you like that.”

Thump.

“Stupid. What are the practices for if you’re not going to apply that for the drama? I want you to hit big, hyung.”

Only a sigh was spared for him as a response, just before Soobin gave a pat atop of his head and left for good. “Go shower first, Beomie.”

⁀➷

Choi Soobin’s name was seen everywhere, now that the promotion for the drama show had been intensified with the airing date that was getting closer. 

Choi Soobin was everywhere but with the group, Beomgyu had spent the longest time gaslighting himself - carving the thoughts into his brain whenever he missed the leader’s presence in the dance practice room or just among them, convincing himself that it was just him being clingy, and Soobin had not even been gone for long. It was just his brain playing tricks on him. 

He should not be feeling like he had swallowed three handfuls of sand whenever he turned to his side after telling a joke and expecting Soobin to laugh (he always laughed at Beomgyu’s poorest joke, despite doing it when Beomgyu had already looked away, he was aware of that). Soobin was never around. 

It was not until someone else voiced it aloud that he finally registered the sinking feeling in his stomach, the hollowness that was present every time his best friend was not around to fill it with warmth.

“Man, it’s hard to admit it but you can really feel it when Soobin is not around,” Yeonjun said out of the blue while they were gathering for their incomplete practice session, almost canceled since the shooting went longer than scheduled.

“I miss him,” Kai stretched himself on the floor next to Yeonjun. “You never know what you had until you lost them.”

“Soobin hyung’s not dead,” Taehyun quipped from the side, scoffing.

“I know! But I haven’t seen him in three days, that’s the longest in 5 years.”

Taehyun smiled. “Right, I miss him too.”

Beomgyu didn’t say anything through this exchange, just scrolling through his phone and frowning whenever he refreshed his internet and there was still no text in the group chat. Soobin or their protocol team would always text them if they were on their way back. No text came even after the ten minutes break was finished and they were ushered to start another set of the practice.

Despite how much they talked about Soobin, the members were not really honest about their feelings when Soobin did appear before them. The hyung, of course, would make them swallow their affectionate words on his first appearance in three days, kicking the practice room’s door open the next morning and yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Who missed me?!” 

The dance teacher jumped, but just laughed at his antics, while the three members who declared their longing for the leader proceeded to look away, claiming that they didn’t miss him at all. Soobin laughed and ran to hug him one by one, even Yeonjun, who pushed at his face like some unfriendly cat. And he had the audacity to say that Soobin was the tsundere.

When Soobin got to Beomgyu, he tripped on his own feet, laughing when he crashed right into Beomgyu’s arms, since the younger was so ready to hug him. “I do miss you, hyung,” he said quietly.

They stayed like that for a little too long. He should’ve complained since it was getting warm, and Soobin’s weight leaned against him was heavy, with his head cushioned by Beomgyu’s shoulder and face buried into his shirt. His breathing was shallow, as if he hadn’t had enough time to catch his breath. Beomgyu’s heart broke when Soobin pulled away, only to look at him through his pair of exhausted eyes.

Soobin ruffled his hair. “Finally someone who’s welcoming me home. I really have no one but you.”

He always loved when Soobin said that to him, although knowing that the leader used that phrase for others as well. At least for that very moment whenever Soobin said it, he could pretend that he was really the only one. 

One more thing he wanted to pretend to not see was the hint of exhaustion drawn all over Soobin’s face and the shaking of his frame when he steadied himself back on his own feet. He wanted it to be a mistake, but it was unmistakable when the leader went to talk to their manager. 

“After the dance practice, we will have the vocal set list run for the tour… It’s good that this morning’s shooting went well, or else we’d have to miss another practice for you,” Jaehwan hyung - the manager designated for Soobin’s solo activities these days, started to list down his schedules, like he was singled out from the group.

“Hyung, can I…” Soobin started, only to bite his lip when the manager started talking again right away.

“Sorry, Soobin-ah. I couldn’t sneak the break time I promised since the schedule is so tight, but you know that the tour is getting closer, right? You’ve missed too many team practices, I’m afraid that you might not be able to perform well later on.”

Whatever he wanted to say was suspended in the air, swallowed back with the deep breath he inhaled, just before his lips spread into a reassuring smile. “It’s fine, hyung. I just wanted to check. I’ll change clothes first before joining the practice session.”

Beomgyu watched the exchange from across the room, his body burning with a newfound determination. 

The shirt had just been pulled down when Beomgyu barged into the changing room, spotting Soobin standing in the middle of the room, blinking at him. His lips parted with an impending question, which soon was replaced by exclamations and protests when Beomgyu tugged him away from the room. 

“Is it time for practice already? What’s the rush?”

“You think you can practice in this state?” Beomgyu snapped, though not releasing his grip on Soobin’s wrist. He could be strong when he wanted to, proven by how the elder couldn’t pull his hand away, or maybe he was just that tired. Even worse.

“What are you on about? I’m perfectly fine–”

“You can barely stand straight now and you want to dance? One step on your back by Yeonjun hyung and you’re going to crumble,” he turned around to start walking again, though Soobin was still stubbornly holding his ground.

“Beomgyu.”

Oh no. The stern voice.

“Hyung..”

“Try to be a little professional, would you? It’s work. I don’t care if you push me around when we’re just playing, but we can’t do this when it comes to work.”

“Do I look like I’m playing around now?” Beomgyu’s voice went quieter as he stared at the other in disbelief. “I can’t let you go in there when I know that you’d collapse. You know your own body the best, now tell me that you can actually handle it.”

Soobin still looked stubborn, but he kept silent as Beomgyu stepped closer. His fingers curled around the fabric of Soobin’s shirt. He sounded so desperate at this point, it was almost embarrassing. 

“Hyung, I know you won’t ever ditch work like this but please, can you do it for me? We can tell everyone that it’s me who needs to rest. Please? For me?”

Later that day, he would regret begging for this, even going so far as to whining. But it was worth it, seeing how the resolve slowly faded in Soobin’s face, the moment he let the exhaustion bleed back into his complexion. This was what Beomgyu liked more, how the latter didn't feel the need to conceal his vulnerability around him.

They ended up in one of the studio rooms, Beomgyu’s favourite because there was a couch there, and he hid his scarf slash blanket in one of the drawers so he could feel like home when he needed to take a nap there.

Not long after, Soobin was already dozing off, curled up on the couch with his head cushioned by Beomgyu’s lap. His lower body was covered by the blanket. Beomgyu was scrolling through his phone, deliberately ignoring the messages from the other members and the staff asking about their whereabouts, while his free hand gently stroking Soobin’s hair.

The leader looked so tired, he fell asleep as soon as he hit the couch. So much for being perfectly fine.

When he woke up around two hours later, Beomgyu still had his eyes fixated on his phone screen, and he didn’t notice it until he accidentally looked down and caught Soobin’s round eyes peering up at him. He blinked back, fingers coming into a halt atop of Soobin’s messy hair.

“Taking advantage of me, touching me when I was asleep?” came Soobin’s deep voice, dripping with a familiar playful lilt instead of exhaustion. 

Beomgyu grinned despite the accusation. “Right, it was like petting a dog.”

With a snort, Soobin pushed himself up to sit, tousling his hair up some more and stretching out his arms. He looked a little more refreshed, though there were lines of worries in his visage when he looked at Beomgyu again.

“Why are you doing this? We will get into trouble.”

“So what? It’s better to miss two hours of practice than to miss a whole day if you were to be rushed away in an ambulance.”

A flicker of amusement made it back to Soobin’s face, though his eyebrow rose in question soon enough. “Just because of that?”

After a moment of thought, Beomgyu nodded firmly. “Yes.”

It was strong enough as a reason, for now.

If only everything could stay as relaxed as when they were in the room, secluded from the rest of the world. Beomgyu would stop the time for that moment if only he could give Soobin more time to rest, but they both knew that their borrowed time was running out, and now it would be naive of them to think it came with no consequence. 

When Beomgyu came back from a trip to the restroom (also stretching his legs because staying still in the same position with a weight atop of his lap didn’t turn out to be as easy as it seemed in dramas), he heard Jaehwan’s rising voice a corridor away just before he entered the practice room. He halted his steps, following the source of voice with rising uneasiness in his chest as it turned into a hushed whisper.

“...a matter of responsibility. I get that you’re tired, but think about the other members too.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

A loud sigh. Beomgyu quickened his pace of walking.

“... disappointed… aren’t you? You’re the leader, I thought you could handle this better… have told us if you are not ready for the extra schedule.”

“No, I can handle it, hyung. I’ll do extra practice and make sure this won’t happen again. You can trust me.”

“Can we?”

That happened right as Beomgyu turned the corner to reach them. He saw the two managers looming over Soobin, who was sitting down on a bench with his head hung low. The sight was what caused him to see red. 

Before he knew it, his feet had carried him across the corridor, where he stood between the two and Soobin. He could sense Soobin standing up in surprise behind him, and he surely could not cover or ‘protect’ the elder even with his whole body. 

But he was burning with anger, would set ablaze in flame if anyone dared to touch him.

“Are you guys seriously blaming him for this and not for the insane schedules you made for him? He could barely stand, and hyung, you didn’t even see it despite being the person who’s in charge of him?” he started yelling as soon as he got their attention on him, arms spread apart in a protective manner. 

“Beomgyu, this is none of your concern.”

He looked at them with an incredulous face. “ I was the one who dragged him away from practice so he could sleep. I was with him the whole time. It’s on me, but it’s only because you guys won’t do your job as your manager so I had to do my job as his member!”

“Beomgyu.”

“Stop blaming him and questioning his place as our leader!”

“Beomgyu, drop it,” came Soobin’s voice from behind him, which alerted him that he might have gone too far, but he had gone too far to come back now. So he stood his ground, standing tall with resolve.

He half expected a scolding, or a slap, in the worst case. Instead, he watched as the hard lines in Jaehwan’s face melted away. There was a hint of shame, which he deserved to feel. In the end, he was the one with his head hung low, though averting his gaze when he did apologize.

“I’m sorry, Soobin-ah. You two. I’ll see what I can do with the schedules, but you really have to attend the vocal run.”

“Noted, hyung.”

“I’ll give you five minutes.”

As the two hyungs walked away and they were left alone in the corridor, only then did Beomgyu remember how to breathe. Except, it was really hard to take in oxygen into his lungs. With the long intake of breath he took, they felt constricted, his breath coming out as gasps as he parted his lips again. 

“Hey…” came Soobin’s gentle voice, then his face greeted him when Beomgyu looked up. 

When he felt fingers gently brushing his cheeks, he realized that he was crying. His sight was blurry, only clearing up when he blinked again, allowing fat drops of tears to roll down his cheeks, caught by Soobin’s fingers. 

“Huh…” he sniffled, reaching up to feel his face to confirm it, only to scream when his suspicion was proven true. “Why am I crying?!”

“I don’t know! Why are you crying?” Soobin asked, though he couldn’t hide the hint of laughter in his voice. 

“This is your fault!” he said between small sobs, giving a weak punch on Soobin’s chest in an attempt to shove him away, only to meet a sturdy stance. “You shouldn’t have just taken the blame. I can’t just watch when they’re talking to you like that. Why are you letting them do that to you?”

Soobin only smiled in response, waiting as Beomgyu finally calmed down from the intense emotions wracking through his body. His sobs had dissipated and his sniffles had reduced into soft, hitched breaths now. Soobin wiped the last remnants of tears from his face before petting his hair gently.

“Thank you, Beomgyu-ya.”

As Beomgyu took some time to really calm down, Taehyun joined them in the corridor. No trace of confusion in his face, which was just to be expected since Beomgyu was so loud earlier, he was surprised the whole building didn’t come to their floor to watch the commotion he made.

“Hey, hyungs. The vocal run is about to start, I was told to fetch you two,” he said, though he didn’t stop by for that sole reason. He halted only once he reached them, squeezing Soobin’s shoulder.  “Sorry hyung, I should’ve known that you’re tired. They’re waiting now but I’m sure they’d agree to reschedule if we all ask? I feel bad that I didn’t see the signs better.”

Soobin shook his head. “It’s fine, Taehyun. I caught up on sleep earlier. Besides, the tour is getting closer and you know how much I want it too.”

The younger nodded. “Just tell us when you need a break, hyung. We can pull a Beomgyu hyung for you.”

“Hey!”

“Wipe your snot, Beomie,” Soobin said, Beomgyu poked his tongue at him, in which he laughed at, waving at them after telling them that he was going for a quick bathroom break first. 

Beomgyu used the time to collect himself, wiping his face clean and fixing his clothes. He only looked up again when he felt Taehyun’s stare at him, arching his brows. 

“What?”

“Why are you the one crying when Soobin hyung was the one in pain?” 

He broke into a mirthless laugh, walking away from the corridor without answering Taehyun’s question. Some things are better not to be questioned.

⁀➷

Apparently, crying did work in softening the manager’s ruthless scheduling. 

That, or maybe the filming had simply come to a wrap. The drama had started airing, after all. They had dedicated one day to sit in the living room together and watch the first episode, while endlessly teasing Soobin for the rest of the night. That was also the last time Soobin was ever present in the room while his drama was airing on TV.

Based on the first few episodes that Beomgyu watched, it had more action and crimes theme more than the romance. It comforted him a little, the knowledge that there would be a lot of romance scenes later on, so that it wouldn’t come as a jumpscare for him. 

Seeing Soobin on TV like this was already enough of a punishment. He used to have Soobin next to him, now the guy was swept away by the acting life, and Beomgyu could only have him in the TV screen. Out of his reach.

It felt like months already since he lost his Soobin. That was why it came as a surprise when Beomgyu walked into the kitchen that morning to Soobin sitting at their dining table. 

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you again at home.”

“Wow, I literally live here?” Soobin dropped his spoon back into the cereal bowl, grasping at his chest dramatically. As expected from the valedictorian of Choi Beomgyu’s school of dramatics. 

“Right, right. Are you finally living here full time again? Has the filming finally ended?” he asked, trying to swallow more questions that were climbing up his throat so he wouldn’t appear too excited. 

“I just have one more scene to film and then the rest is just promotion. Why? Missed me?” 

Soobin and his smug ass had the audacity to give him that sweet smile. Beomgyu felt lightheaded suddenly, almost dropping the cereal box he just took from the cabinet. Luckily he had been slapping himself mentally for letting this guy affect him so much. 

He was just Choi Soobin. His leader. Just some guy.

“I did,” he said nonchalantly. There was nothing wrong with that. He said that all the time, though he couldn’t miss the long stare Soobin gave him when he walked over to join him at the table. “I said that before, right? We always meant it, hyung.”

“If you keep indulging my need for words of affirmations, I might get the wrong idea, Beomgyu-ya,” Soobin said with a hint of laughter in his voice. 

Since he was busy pouring cereals into his bowl, Beomgyu didn’t notice it until later on when he lifted his gaze to look at the hyung again. Soobin was staring at him with his chin propped atop a hand, a smile sticking to his lips. 

“So what if you did?” he blurted out. 

“What?”

“What?”

They locked eyes for what felt like five seconds too long before Beomgyu tore his gaze away, proceeding to eat his cereals dry while Soobin was making some grossed out noises next to him, claiming that he was a psychopath for killing his cereals that way. Still, they settled into a comfortable silence afterwards, with Soobin flipping through his script book and Beomgyu scrolling down his phone. 

Until he saw a notification popping up from the group chat with the protocol team, which listed down their schedule for today. 

More individual schedules. Photoshoots for the maknaes and MC schedule for Yeonjun. Beomgyu got invited to the radio show tonight, so he still had hours to prepare for that, while Soobin had to leave in two hours to the filming site. Another day in the life of Tomorrow by Together who was not as together as their name stated.

“Beomgyu-ya. Do you have some time after this?”

He hummed around the mouthful of choco krisps, not averting his gaze from the list of schedule. “Why? You’re the busy one, don’t ask me.”

“Go out with me,” Soobin said, which made him choke at once, breaking into a coughing fit. The elder didn’t even look guilty when he fetched him a glass of water and pet his back. “This is why you eat cereal with milk, Beomie.”

“This is your fault!” he wheezed, punching at his own chest. 

“Seriously, though. I might need your help for the last time.”

The coughing stop. He tasted the bitterness as an aftertaste. For the last time felt so much like an ending. 

Beomgyu hated endings. But most importantly, he hated not being in control of it. 

The request came as a harsh wake-up call. Water splashed over his face to rouse him from the dream that he had comfortably lived in. He had forgotten that there was a particular switch being flipped ever since they shared that kiss in Soobin’s bedroom that night. 

Everything between them had been more tender and natural, it didn’t feel wrong even when Soobin’s fingers would randomly graze the back of Beomgyu’s knuckles. Or when Beomgyu fell asleep in the car, and Soobin would pull him to lean against the elder and kiss his head. Or when Beomgyu jokingly puckered up his lips and Soobin actually landed a peck on them that made his face explode in heat. 

All in the name of ‘practice’.

Now that the filming was coming to the end, Soobin wouldn’t need him anymore, and Beomgyu had been too comfortable with the setting between them that he feared of the switch to be flicked back.

It agonized him even more that Soobin didn’t seem to be affected by it. He was walking next to Beomgyu with light steps, guiding him from the entrance towards the playground located at the back of the apartment complex. 

“So when you said go out , you literally meant out. Like outside,” Beomgyu deadpanned, staring longingly at the apartment building. They left the comfort of the air conditioning just to be exposed under the morning sun. 

“Yeah, I figured we should do this somewhere more private.”

“Does it bother you if the members see us kissing?”

Soobin arched his brow. “Are we going to kiss?”

Heat crept into Beomgyu’s face, which he painted to be annoyance as he threw an incredulous look at the other. Just as he was about to shove his fist at Soobin’s chest and push him away, he felt the hand much bigger than his enveloping his fist, keeping him from drawing a distance. 

When he looked up at him in question, his breath was caught in his throat, because Soobin was looking at him again the way he did whenever he was going to lean in for a kiss. As if Beomgyu was a little ball of light in the darkness, drawing him in.

It’s Soobin’s fault for making his head feel like a mush that his brain cells even tried to be poetic. Not like he could produce any more justification, since his brain short circuited the moment Soobin’s fingers stroke along his knuckles gently, before tugging him in even closer.

“Beomgyu-ya. I like you.”

What?

“I don’t know what you did to me, but I’ve never wanted something quite as much before. All my life I’ve just been chasing my dream, all the starlights and cheers, but in the end, my happiness is here. With you.”

“Hyung…”

Soobin’s hand on his cheek halted his words. There was the gentle brushing of thumb again, and a whispered Beomgyu-ya that tugged a string tightly coiled around his heart. It was carving a dent in the shape of the elder, and Beomgyu wasn’t sure if he could fill it with anything else once everything ended. 

Still, even now, his heart was still beating so hard against his chest. As if it was reaching out to the male who owned it whole. This guy right here. 

“Stay with me, Beomgyu. Please be in love with me.”

Slap.

The sting jolted him out of the trance, rudely woke him up from what felt like a deep slumber. The sweet smile in Soobin’s face also disappeared, replaced by confusion upon seeing Beomgyu slapping himself in the face. He knew that his cheek must be red, could felt the warmth spreading, coated with the sting from his own hand. 

“Why did you do that?” Soobin frowned.

Because he had to wake up. At the end of the day, Soobin only needed him to practice for his drama scenes, and he was the one who kept taking it seriously. He couldn’t even blame Soobin.

The only thing he could do was to wake up. 

“Nothing. So, what’s her answer? Is she going to accept your feelings? Or reject it?” he smiled brightly, ignoring the tears that were already gathering in his eyes. He hoped that it was from the slap and not from the persistent ache pulsing in his chest.

Soobin gave him a long, hard stare, just before he sighed.

“What do you think? Would she accept me?”

“She does seem to like you a lot already.”

“Do it then,” Soobin said. “Accept me.”

It came so easy. Beomgyu was never one to be into acting aside from when he had to play himself in those music videos. But now, as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Soobin’s neck, he started thinking that he could be good at this too. 

“I want you too. I’ve wanted you for so long, but you’ve never looked at me like this before,” Beomgyu said softly, taking in a shaky breath as he felt the weight of Soobin’s hands on his waist. “I like you, Soobin hyung.”

“Yeah?” Soobin tilted his head so that their lips fit together when he leaned in, close enough for a kiss.

“I like you. I like you so much,” he spoke the words against Soobin’s lips, a choked noise in his throat when Soobin delved in for a kiss. 

It was a tender one, yet still one that took his breath away. Though this time was not exactly how it felt any other time. 

The other times were always beautiful. Innocent like a first love, sweet like the first cotton candy you tasted at the amusement park, jittery from the roller coaster. This time, it tasted bittersweet. Hot coffee on burnt tongue. Alcohol on a paper cut. An abrupt ending, just when you realized you’ve fallen too deep. 

“Good bye, hyung. Good luck on your last shoot,” he said once they parted, not letting Soobin catch his gaze as he already turned around and walked away as soon as their lips separated.

This way, he wouldn’t catch the blurred line between his acting and the real Beomgyu, and see that there was no line at all. Unlike Choi Soobin, the successful actor who could switch from acting his role and being himself at any time, Beomgyu had never acted like someone else whenever they practiced these scenes.

That was his biggest mistake, and now he had to live with the consequences.

⁀➷

“Soobin hyung won’t kiss me anymore.”

“What–” Kai choked on his orange juice. The statement was spewed out of the blue, catching him off guard. How did they go from watching Soobin’s first romance scene to that? He turned to look at Beomgyu, trying to find any trace of joking in his face. There was only helplessness that almost made Kai feel sorry for him.

Everything went back to normal again and they were swept away by the tour and normalcy. No mention of the kiss. Even if it was so close to touching the tip of his tongue, it was swallowed back in fear of ruining the normalcy. 

That was until the drama show reached this scene with the museum date and kissing scene. Soobin did the acting so well. Too well. It was almost annoying. Beomgyu pressed his lips together as he stared at the kissing scene, his gaze fixated on Soobin’s lips that were pressed against the female lead’s. He could almost feel the kiss on his own lips, remembering how it felt as if it was just yesterday.

Not like there was a video of them to prove his point, but Beomgyu was almost sure Soobin kissed him the same way. He had to kiss him the same way, since Beomgyu helped him practice, and he should’ve been proud of the result. But he didn’t think that it would hurt him like this. Teachers were not supposed to feel bad when the students applied the education in the field.

“What were you saying about Soobin hyung and you? Kissing?” Kai didn't drop the topic, bringing it up again during the commercial break while giving him a demanding look.

“What’s so wrong with that?” he frowned, offended.

“Nothing, it’s just out of the blue.”

“I taught him to kiss like that, you know,” he scoffed, pulling on his smug look as he turned back to face the TV, although the scene had changed into more running and shouting once the drama was back on.

This time, Kai exhaled a breath of relief. “That’s more like you, hyung. I almost thought you were actually kissing him.”

“Again, what’s so wrong with that?”

“Nothing!” 

But it had done the impact already. Kai probably didn’t see it coming when Beomgyu started getting fired up.

“Why do people need an excuse to kiss? Why don’t two people just kiss for the heck of it? With no excuse or shame. Just kiss!”

Kai blinked a few times, looking at the other with his mouth gaping. The surprise in his face mixing with confusion. “Don’t you need a reason to kiss someone?”

“Not really? It’s just a kiss. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why would that asshole stop kissing me just because he has no reason to do it anymore?” Beomgyu sounded more frustrated now, even went so far as to grab the front of Kai’s shirt and shook him. Although his anger was directed more to the TV screen that was back to showing the drama. Soobin’s face in the TV.

“So you would kiss me?”

At the question, Beomgyu stopped abruptly. He actually pondered the possibility. Kai was attractive and he adored the guy, so there should be no reason to not kiss him. This was just the same situation as what started the kissing arrangement between Soobin and him at first. 

There was nothing wrong with kissing Kai, he could do it.

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Do it.”

Holding his breath, Beomgyu leaned in slowly. His fingers still tight around the fabric of Kai’s shirt. His eyes only flicked up to meet the younger’s again once he was close enough that he could feel his breath. 

This was the moment that annoying thump should echo in his chest. It always happened when he kissed Soobin, or was just close enough he could turn his head and kiss his leader in the mouth. Now that he was this close to Kai, he could feel the attraction. The youngest member in their group does have the famous god sculpted face after all. But as much as he waited, the thumping wouldn’t come. There was no swooping sensation in his stomach nor the pounding in his chest that he had associated with kissing.

The realization hit him like a truck.

It was never about kissing in the first place. It was about kissing Soobin.

How sickening.

“What are you guys doing?” The voice that came from the doorway jolted him back to the present, he quickly scrambled away, sitting at the far end of the sofa while Kai stayed unmoving on his spot, smiling at Taehyun as if he was not almost caught in a compromising situation.

“Watching Soobin hyung’s drama. He got a kissing scene, so we thought we’d try it.”

Taehyun looked disturbed for a second, looking at Kai, then at Beomgyu, the TV, before he rolled his eyes. “Kissing is dangerous. You might fall in love like the Soobin hyung in the drama and ruin the plot line.”

That was spot on, even though Beomgyu took it in a different context. Kissing is dangerous. Beomgyu had enough experiences of that, and now he was digging another grave.

⁀➷

They really did not kiss anymore after that, not that they had any reason to. It bothered Beomgyu only because they stopped hanging out as well. 

After the drama promotion ended, they were swept away by the preparation for the tour, until they had to fly overseas for the tour itself. Soobin looked better, not overworked like he was when he had to prepare both the drama and tour at the same time. He spent his free time resting and recharging, and there was no space for Beomgyu anymore in his life. 

Even now, Beomgyu could only see him when they were practicing or on the TV screen when the drama was airing. He shouldn’t be so spiteful about it, especially since it meant that Soobin was getting the rest he needed. Yet he felt the tug in his heart every time they gathered in the hotel room and there was an empty space on the couch. 

5 was not a big number in the first place. 4 felt hollow.

As hollow as the space in Beomgyu’s chest whenever he missed the hyung. Not like he would ever admit it.

“What are you guys watching?” as if reading his mind, the guy in question joined them right when Beomgyu started missing him that night. 

He was also just in time, joining right when they were watching the latest episode of his drama on Netflix. Four pairs of eyes whipped towards him, not answering since Soobin already looked at the screen and yelled in horror. That high pitched scream that would pop in the rare times because Choi Soobin could not scream at someone to save his life. 

“Why are you watching this?!”

“You told us to watch!”

“Not when I’m around!”

After some freaking out and an attempt to leave the room, Taehyun and Yeonjun ended up wrestling him back to sit on the couch and pin him there to watch the rest of the episode with them. Soobin just sat there in dejection. Probably would have his ears flopped down if he were a bunny. 

Beomgyu regarded them with silence, turning his attention back to the TV screen. The action scene had turned into a more tender one where the female lead ended up staying at Soobin’s place after a dangerous time.

The atmosphere that built up in the scene reminded him so much of the first time they kissed, in Soobin’s dimly lit room, with Soobin staring at him deeply, just before their lips met and they kept kissing until morning came. He wondered if it would happen in this scene too. 

But it was just an almost kissing. A built up of emotions and tenderness that kept you on the edge of your seat, until Soobin patted the lady on top of her head and left to sleep on his own room. 

“What a scam! It was a good timing for a kiss!” Yeonjun exclaimed with a long, exasperated exhale after. As if he was holding his breath the whole time.

“How is that my fault?!”

“You didn’t kiss her!”

“But Soobin hyung does have a chemistry with the girl, that was a good scene,” Kai interrupted with a valid observation, which was countered by Taehyun who was always passionate about his idea of the omantic relationship in the drama. 

“Two people can work together without falling in love, though! I just hate how they have to insert this kind of scenes for fanservice because apparently no one would watch something where the main leads aren’t exchanging spit.”

“Why do you hate the romance line so much?” Yeonjun interrogated, eyeing him weirdly. “Are you jealous?”

Kai laughed at this. “I don’t think he’s the one who’s jealous, hyung.”

“Anyway, the female lead is so pretty, what did this loser do to deserve this role?” 

“I look great too!”

Beomgyu stayed silence throughout the whole thing, eyes fixated on the screen, where it was showing the scene with the girl with no Soobin in the frame. The girl was sure pretty. She acted well too, and she had been in other dramas Beomgyu had seen before. It was not like Beomgyu was jealous of her. This was just acting, just like how she acted with everyone else. 

Perhaps he hated the reminder that everything Soobin did with him was just acting as well.

He wished he could be like Taehyun, who hated the romance line and was vocal about his reasons. There was no way to explain that he hated it because of the sick feeling brewing in his stomach every time he had to see the Soobin character falling in love with someone else.

The members started teasing Soobin as his character showed up on screen again, now involved in some awkward the-night-after esque scene with the girl. 

“I don’t want to watch anymore.”

That was his own voice, inviting the attention of the members. It had been done on impulse and he didn’t even know before he voiced it, but it had been spilled, so he quickly stood up from his seat, faking a yawn and telling some excuses about how sleepy he was.

He tried to ignore the look Soobin gave him when he left the room.

Luckily, no one questioned it. Nor did they question why Beomgyu never joined again when they were gathering to watch the next episode of the drama. 

He didn’t really talk to Soobin aside from technicalities, too. It felt like he had been watching the Soobin’s character in drama too much that he drifted away from his own Soobin. 

It was after the Dallas concert that his Soobin showed up again, this time on the phone screen. They had their own rooms this time, and the call had jolted him up so quickly his head started spinning. But he did pick up the call, wondering if Soobin would whine at him for missing the last three episodes of his drama show. He remembered him telling the others that the drama was getting better, and the action was getting spicier, and everyone would love it.

Soobin’s room was just next to him, and they were separated by a wall. It was typical of him to still call when he could just knock at his door. This reminded him of when they used to call until 5AM at the dorm. That felt like ages ago when it happened just last year. 

“What? I’m ready to sleep so I don’t want to join–” he started building up his excuses already, until Soobin’s deep voice interrupted him from the line. 

“Beomgyu-ya.” 

It sounded quiet, with no other sound in the background, which only meant that Soobin was not with the rest of the group. The silence that came after was even more unnerving. The calm before a storm. 

His heart pounded with anticipation.

“Yes?”

He held his breath for the longest time, just before he heard the sigh from the line. Then a smile that he could see before Soobin ever talked again. “Nevermind. Good night, Beomgyu.”

“Hey, you can’t just–”

The line ended abruptly, and Beomgyu sat there in the middle of his lonesome bed, wondering what the fuck just happened. If this was how Soobin was trying to get back at him for not watching the fruit of his labor, it was certainly working, because that night, he lay in bed for three hours, eyes wide open, just thinking of Soobin and his stupid Beomgyu-ya .

⁀➷

That was also the beginning of the dark days.

Choi Beomgyu, 22 years old, graduated with a major in Overthinking. After the so-called prank call where Soobin called his name so seriously, he could not just let it go. Even if Soobin tried to explain to him countlessly that he was just joking, which was so foul of him to do.

(“I was just joking, but when someone like me does something like that, I guess it would make you nervous?”)

Asshole.

It did make Beomgyu nervous. His name voiced out in Soobin’s voice haunted him whenever his brain was unoccupied enough for him to think about anything else other than the conversation. As much as he wanted to brush it off, he knew that he would never be able to live peacefully without a proper explanation. 

On the last day of their US tour, Beomgyu stalked the leader to his room, following him inside and closing the door behind him. He stared up at Soobin’s puzzled expression.

“Are we okay?”

Soobin arched a brow, confused. “Why wouldn’t we be okay?”

This was infuriating, even for the self-proclaimed infuriating person as Choi Beomgyu. He stood there staring at his leader, blocking his own way out with the door behind him. “Your call last time.”

Realization filled Soobin’s face, just before he broke into laughter. “You’re still thinking about that? Cute,” he grinned, bending over to lean in and ruffle Beomgyu’s hair. 

Heat crept up his neck at the treatment. “Hyung, seriously! I was wondering if I did something more, if what we did change something between us. I don’t know what’s wrong, if we were actually not supposed to practice like that, or if it actually made you feel worse when acting, or anything, but please. We don’t even hang out anymore. You don’t…” 

You don’t kiss me anymore.

He swallowed the last bit, pressing his lips together to silence himself. It was clear that he didn’t rehearse this. He didn’t even know what he was saying.

Soobin was taken aback for a moment. He stepped away, eyes rounded up. “I didn’t know you were thinking about it. I’m sorry for being insensitive.”

“It’s not about the call anymore, it’s just…” he sighed in exasperation, messing up with his own hair. “What’s wrong with us, Soobin hyung? We are still friends right? Best friends?”

At the question, Soobin took a moment to think. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Although he didn’t really know what answer he wanted to hear, the only thing he knew was he didn’t want to lose Soobin like this. He stayed friends with the female lead after shooting the scenes seriously, he surely could do that with Beomgyu too?

“Right, we are friends,” Soobin said, smiling. “The kisses meant nothing and shouldn’t change anything between us. It was just practice right? We can just act like it didn’t happen if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not like that!”

Soobin grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezing firmly. “Beomgyu, we are friends. Let’s forget about the kiss and just go on with our lives, okay?”

That was supposed to be reassuring. Soobin was nothing but comforting, and he should feel the uneasiness and worries melt away from him anytime soon. Except he felt the strings coiling around his heart being tugged again, and now it didn’t come with the beautiful ache. 

The ache was a more suffocating one. He could feel it materializing in the heat that melted in his eyes as he captured Soobin and his dimpled smile. 

Best friends. That’s all they could be. Even if he was once someone Soobin held so dearly, kissed so tenderly for hours, and whispered sweet nothings to. At the end of the day, Choi Soobin was an actor, and Beomgyu was the stupid co-actor who dared to catch feelings for him. 

He laughed dryly, smiling at the hyung. “That’s more like it, thank you, hyung.”

Despite how he was smiling and everything, Soobin always noticed. He knew Soobin noticed the glaze in his eyes when he shoved the leader by the chest and turned around to leave. But he didn’t say anything. He let Beomgyu go.

Unlike the Beomgyu whom he confessed to back then, this Beomgyu was not where he placed his heart on. He wouldn’t beg Beomgyu to stay and be in love with him. 

It was about time Beomgyu woke up and realized that there was nothing he could do to be that Beomgyu.

⁀➷

Things fell back into place after the conversation. 

Beomgyu prove himself to be a better actor than he would ever credit himself for. It might also have something to do with the face that they had been busy again, swamped by schedules and flights and interviews and everything. Even when he got to be roommates with Soobin, he was too tired to worry about the stirring in his guts that he could talk with the hyung all night until they both fell asleep. 

Everything was always easy when it came to Soobin. He didn’t have to worry about keeping his feelings secret while trying to get rid of him because Soobin would never notice it. 

By the time the drama reached the ending, they were back in Seoul. 

Time really flew when you were not counting it. When Beomgyu came home from a recording session that night, he was welcomed by the youngest members who were always following the drama since the beginning. This time they even had popcorn and sprite ready. 

“This is the last episode they’ve been talking about all day, huh? Did that loser confess already? Are they married with a kid?” Beomgyu asked, squeezing himself between the two and making himself comfortable there while watching the story he didn’t even follow anymore. 

“No way! I sure hope there’s no romace or confessing involved, thank you very much,” Taehyun said, face scrunched up in displeasure. 

“Still no confession until now?”

“Nope, they almost caught the villain so shh.”

Beomgyu didn’t have the heart to tell him that there would be a confession scene near the end, which would probably piss Taehyun off. 

Before long, the three of them sat in silent save from the small exclaims of commentaries whenever there was a scene that made them jump. The action part was getting intense, with the whole chasing game and near death, and then in the end, Soobin’s character kept the villain captive at some kind of abandoned warehouse and tortured him. 

That was pretty hot. 

Beomgyu had forgotten that this was supposed to be a rather dark, crime drama because all the practice sessions Soobin had involved him with were always the romance parts. It was right of him to say that he didn’t need to practice when it came to the action scenes, because he was doing well on his own, that Beomgyu noticed at one point that his mouth was hanging open.

Another thing he didn’t realize was the lack of a certain scene, which mentioned only a little later, once Beomgyu had finished showering and he overheard the maknaes talking about the drama again.

“I especially love that they decided not to explore the romance further. It almost ruined the drama and now it’s perfect!” Taehyun said, nodding in approval.

“Shame that they only kissed once, though.”

“Listen Kai, it’s never about the two of them since the beginning. The more complex and interesting relationship is between him and the villain. Look at the tension when they’re dancing around each other and–”

“What do you mean there was no romance? Only one kissing scene?” Beomgyu jumped in right in the middle of Taehyun’s fiery argument. 

He glared at the elder. “Yeah? Were you not watching?”

“But there’s supposed to be a confession scene! Soobin hyung told me that!”

This time, the two looked equally confused, until Kai chimed in with an idea. “Maybe they read the reviews and decided to cut the romance scenes? That sucks especially if it’s been filmed already.”

“No way, the ending looked perfectly planned? She took Soobin hyung to the airport and he went back to Italy. What’s there to continue from that?”

“Well, he could’ve gone back like 5 years later and then they get married and have kids and–”

Beomgyu wasn’t listening anymore after that. His head stirring with all the possibilities of where the scene could be. They most definitely changed it halfway, since Soobin was so worried about filming the romance scenes. The first time they initiated the practice was for a kissing scene, yet there was only one kissing scene, and it was the pretend one at the museum? None of this made sense.

What was Soobin doing with him all this time?

The question was swimming around in his brain, transferred into big blocks of words standing in the room, filling in the vacant space of the living room. Taehyun and Kai already retreated to their own room after continuing the drama debate for another 10 minutes while Beomgyu stood blankly.

Now he had moved to sit on the couch, the room barely lit by the light from outside the balcony, until he was snapped out of his deep thought when the front door beeped. Someone entered the dorm, flicking the light switch to brighten the room, and proceeded to scream in that familiar, high pitched tone.

That could only be Choi Soobin, clutching onto his chest. His eyes wide, staring at Beomgyu like he had just seen a ghost. 

“Why are you sitting in the dark like that? My heart almost jumped out of my mouth, fuck.”

“That’s gross,” Beomgyu cringed, though his face turned serious again pretty soon. “We need to talk.”

That seemed to wipe the smile away from Soobin’s face too. He seemed alert when he walked closer, his face filled with concerns.

“What’s the matter? This sounds scary.”

He reached out to tug Soobin closer by the hem of his shirt, fingers tightly holding onto it as he looked up at the elder.

“Hyung, did they cut the romance scenes because the romance didn't get good receptions from the public? I thought I was helping but… did I just make it worse for you that you couldn’t take it seriously when acting it out? Oh god,” the dread was spreading all over his system now that Soobin was there. The usual comfort brought by the elder was not enough to stave off the guilt that had been building up for hours sitting in the dark. "I'm so sorry..."

"What... did you even watch the whole thing?"

He shook his head, not looking at Soobin until he was grabbed by his shoulders, collecting Beomgyu’s attention solely on him. But Beomgyu was already lost in his thoughts, overcame by his fear that when he looked at Soobin again, his sight was blurred with tears.

“Did I ruin it for you?” he asked in a whisper.

Soobin looked exasperated. God. Was he that irritated at Beomgyu? He needed Soobin to yell at him right now, and not looking at him with those pair of gentle eyes. 

“Beomgyu-ya, did you really think I kissed you because I actually needed the practice? You, out of all people? Be serious.”

The statement puzzled him so much it screwed his tearduct shut. He blinked at the elder, sucking in an almost offended gasp. “What was that supposed to mean?”

“If I had zero experience you have minus one.”

“EXCUSE ME?” he yelled, the worries and anxiety that were enveloping hime evaporated at once, replaced by annoyance.

“Beomgyu, you don’t date around,” Soobin sighed, finally letting go of his grip to sit on the couch next to him. That was a wrong move because Beomgyu was on him right away, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt and start shaking him. “When we talked about it pre-debut you said that you never kissed anyone, then you were never been in a relationship with anyone else afterwards. Where are you supposed to get those experiences you claimed to have?”

“You were just as inexperienced as I am!”

“And?”

“Not in the place to judge me.”

Soobin laughed. The tinkling sound made his chest feel warm, an illusion that he quickly swatted away since he was supposed to be angry at the elder. He hated how weak he was when it came to Soobin. It was going to be his demise, with how he could let Soobin get away with anything.

Hell, this guy could break his heart into pieces and Beomgyu would probably glue them back on his own and present it back to him in a platter. 

Still, maybe choking him a bit wouldn’t hurt.

“Stupid. I wasn’t the one who bragged about having experiences. Why do you think I don’t date around?”

“Because you can’t find a date?” he deadpanned, his hands already moved up to wrap around Soobin’s neck by now.

Soobin rolled his eyes. His fingers curled around Beomgyu’s hand, which had slackened upon the contact. The hold tightened to prevent him from pulling it away. What started as a position to threaten the hyung ended up being one that compromised him instead. Now Beomgyu couldn’t move away, stuck there under Soobin’s deep gaze at him.

“There was no romance scene aside from the museum dates. The first kiss, the confession, none of them were ever written in the script. It was all me.”

That was another jaw-dropping statement. By now, Beomgyu had forgotten everything about the guilt he felt. He went through a roller coaster of emotions in the span of under an hour, and now his head was spinning, which was intensified further by the smile Soobin still had on his face.

“W-why would you do that? Making up things.”

“Why do you think?” Soobin asked, bringing Beomgyu’s hands down from his neck. His hands wrapped around his, thumbs stroking along his skin.

“Are you pranking me?” that was the conclusion he came up with. He snatched his hands away, hiding them behind his back so that he wouldn’t have to stand another second of Soobin trying to set him on fire. “There’s no way they would waste your potentials for romance scenes! I really don’t get it, hyung.”

“Oh my god, Choi Beomgyu. Do you think they’d cast me for romance scenes? I auditioned for an action drama!”

“But you’re so good when we practiced! It doesn’t make sense.”

“Why do you think I’m good?” Beomgyu opened his mouth, which fell shut right away when Soobin stared him down, making him shrink back into his seat. His deep gaze was boring into his own, making it impossible to think, though he tried to do it under the pressure. “Think again.”

It took one, two, three seconds before it dawned on him. Soobin could almost see the gears moving into place in Beomgyu’s head, just before they clicked. His eyes widened, though his voice was soft when he spoke again. 

“It’s not an acting…”

Soobin’s face brightened as he heard that, he leaned in as if to hear him more clearly, although Beomgyu didn’t say anything more. He just sat there, staring at Soobin’s smile, until he watched as the fear and surprise made it back to the elder’s face.

“WHY ARE YOU CRYING?”

Oh. He took a sharp breath, sniffling. Warm tears cascading down his face even more intensely after the question. He rubbed at his eyes with his fists. “Stupid… Soobin hyung,” he said between sobs. 

He didn’t even know why he was crying so much when all he could feel was relief. There was no pulsing ache that he had been feeling for the past few weeks. It was as if he was allowed to breathe again after being submerged under thick, muddy water, having to dance around his feelings for so long. 

The gentleness was back into Soobin’s face. Instead of concern, there was more understanding in his visage, and a fondness that was transferred into his laugh when he pulled Beomgyu into his embrace.

He growled into Soobin’s shirt, fist thumping gently against Soobin’s chest. “That was my first kiss, you asshole.”

Soobin sighed, tightening his hold around Beomgyu’s frame and tucking his face into Soobin’s neck. The scent that Beomgyu took in when he inhaled made him dizzy, choking him with another sob. 

“I figured.”

“And you still did it? TWENTY TIMES?"

“I only took your first kiss once, Beomgyu-ya. It can’t be taken anymore after the first time.”

Sometimes Soobin really said the most stupid things that reminded Beomgyu why he wasn’t head over heels for this guy any earlier. He could be saying the most stupid things that ignite the violent instincts within him. Lucky for him that he was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster and the crying, that he only bit down onto Soobin’s neck as a retaliation.

“Ow! Okay, sorry. Didn’t you want to know why I never dated around? I was waiting for you.”

“Ng?” he made a confused noise.

“I was waiting for you to look at me.”

The sight must be an unpleasant one when Beomgyu lifted his face just to glare at the elder. A leftover of tear rolled down his cheek for the last time. “Hyung, I was literally there. I had no idea that you ever looked at me in that way at all, but I didn’t hate it. Did you think I’d agree to just kiss anyone?” 

A pair of hands came up to cup his cheeks, brushing his tears gently from under his eyes. So tenderly that the next sob that was ripped out of him was for an entirely different reason. His eyes fell shut when Soobin leaned in to bump their foreheads gently. 

“I’m sorry, don’t cry,” he said.

“Not forgiven,” Beomgyu said through pouty lips, earning a raise of eyebrow from the other as Soobin drew some distance between them. His fingers quickly grabbed onto the front of Soobin’s white shirt, holding him from pulling away. “You stole my first kiss just like that. Give it back.”

“How does that even work–”

“I don’t care! You acted like it was acting so I didn’t get the full experience. You acted like this whole thing was just acting too, I felt so guilty for falling for you,” he sniffled, blinking away any remnants of tears from his eyes.

The grin on Soobin’s face made his heart jump, realizing just what he said. It was too late at this point to take it back, not like he wanted to. It felt so liberating, now that he could say it so blatantly. Still, he pawed at Soobin’s face, pushing him away.

“You were falling for me," Soobin, that m,nace, still had the audacity to tease him after all that.

“If you keep this up I’ll get up right now.”

Right after he said that, he felt a pair of lips atop of his, stealing his breath away and almost making his heart sommersault in his chest because fuck, he had missed this so much. The whimper that escaped him was shameful enough, but Soobin wasn’t teasing him. The smile he could taste on the kiss was a sweet one; one that sent shiver all over his frame and melt him from the inside out. 

He felt Soobin’s arm slide around his waist, keeping him close as his lips parted, allowing Soobin’s mouth to lock with his own.

This was nothing like the first kiss. Last time, Soobin still let him take over, proving his experience or whatsoever. This kiss was intense, taking away Beomgyu’s breath, but not in the suffocating way. He was getting lightheaded and not because of the lack of oxygen. 

His fingers on Beomgyu’s face. The protective hold around his waist. The weight of his body atop of Beomgyu’s, as he found himself lying down on his back. The lidded eyes that were staring at him when they parted, lips stayed a breath away. 

“That was… you scammed me during my first kiss,” he hissed, head tipped back as he tried to take more air into his lungs and not look at Soobin because god. He would go insane if Soobin kept looking at him like that. "It was not this intense."

Soobin laughed, squeezing around his waist. “I was letting you show your skill, okay. You wanted to teach me how to kiss.”

“That was not what happened.”

“What was it, then?” Soobin’s words were caressing his neck this time. His breath hot, even against his too-warm skin. A shiver ran down his spine when he felt the plush lips trace along the front of his neck as he swallowed, following the movement of his adam’s apple. 

This man. He was going to be the death of Beomgyu. 

“I-I don’t know,” he sighed, pulling away to look at soobin again. “Maybe you should kiss me more. Practice for your next drama.”

At the suggestion, Soobin looked pained. “Do we still need excuses to kiss now?”

“You didn’t even ask me out.”

A sigh, then Soobin’s lips were back on his. The kiss was a fleeting one. Barely there. His lips kissed by the sweetness dripping from his words. “Every time I called you pretty, it was not scripted. You’re so pretty, Beomgyu-ya,” he said, words caressing Beomgyu’s cheek as he dragged his lips up, pressing a kiss to the corner of his eye. “I’m in love with you.”

“Soobin hyung,” he choked out, his heart jumped, trying to claw its way out of his chest to reach out for the elder. “That was not in the confession script.”

He laughed, pressing his face to Beomgyu’s cheek. He felt so full. “Sorry, I wasn’t the best at memorizing script either. But I do love you, Beomgyu. I do.”

“Hyung..”

“Please be in love with me.”

This was dangerous. If Soobin kept talking while kissing him, Beomgyu got a feeling that he would do everything he asked from him. 

But he didn’t mind it, weirdly enough. His fingers curled into the fabric of Soobin’s shirt again, just before he braved himself up to reach around him, pulling him close.

“I do love you.” 

He covered his face right after saying that, though the smile on Soobin’s face was not a teasing one when he peeked through his fingers. It was one that made him pull the elder by his nape. Lips tingling as he went for the kiss this time. A surprised gasp that escaped Soobin’s lips was satisfying enough that he kept going after.

“I still think you need to kiss me more, though.”

⁀➷

Just like the first time, it was impossible to stop kissing once they started. 

It was not until they heard the beeping of the door lock again that they parted this time, Beomgyu inhaling a deep breath that was not laced with the scent of the elder. At least he could think clearer now that his senses were not filled with just Soobin, and he saw Yeonjun standing by the doorway, looking at them with bored eyes.

“Do I need to worry about you guys doing nasty things on my sofa?”

Soobin scoffed, but he did remove himself from Beomgyu, though he never pried the contact away completely. His hand grabbing Beomgyu’s. “Just practicing so I can be a better actor.”

“Bullshit! We know you’ve been snogging all over the place! Get a room!”

As he got pulled up from the couch and steered towards the bedroom, Beomgyu’s head was still spinning from both the kiss and the fact that he got pulled up into standing position so suddenly. But more importantly, it seemed like the others already knew about this arrangement way before Beomgyu realized what it entailed. 

Oh well. 

Not like he could worry about it when Soobin was already kissing him again.