Chapter Text
“Everyone… I have to tell you something.”
The scene is melancholic.
While typically, a moment such as this one would be filled with tearful goodbyes and well-wishes, promises of future visits or hopeful requests to keep in touch, here there is little more than perfect silence.
Sunny slides into the back seat of his mother’s car, poking his head out the window as his friends gather around on the curb.
“Try not to forget about us too quickly, ‘kay?” Kel says, mustering up a toothy grin that almost feels real. On him, it looks more than a little uncanny.
Hero smiles as well, his coming a bit more naturally. “Make sure you take care of yourself, Sunny.”
Sunny nods, turning to Aubrey and Basil. The former says nothing, though she gives him a – hopefully well-intentioned – curt nod of acknowledgement. The latter also remains silent, his gaze trained onto the ground.
“I’ll come visit,” Sunny says, his own one-eyed gaze not leaving Basil, as though he were promising just to him.
Basil says nothing.
The car starts to pull away, and Sunny waves as he grows further and further away. The others wave in turn, and Kel continues to call out to him, running along with the car until it grows too fast for him to physically keep up with. Eventually, it disappears altogether.
The air is tense. Thick enough to choke on.
Basil certainly feels like he’ll choke any minute now, stubborn tears trying to force their way out no matter how hard he tries to blink them away. His mouth is dry. Unspoken words sit heavy on his tongue, weighing down even heavier now with the missed opportunity to set them free. He can’t believe his own idiocy.
Finally, Basil looks up, raising his head and turning to face his friends. In that instant, a heavy pit settles into his stomach. They all share an equally heavy look, visible even behind lingering smiles that are clearly just for show. They all look tired. Basil swallows down his guilt.
“What is it… Sunny?” Hero asked, his tone strained.
Sunny took a breath, clearing his throat as he looked over the group in front of him.
They were all gathered in Basil’s hospital room, huddled around his bed as he rested. In hindsight, perhaps this almost felt like a bad time and place for such a revelation as the one he was about to present, but there was no saying for certain when they would all be together in one place like this again. It was now or never, and Sunny would surely regret the latter a lot more.
He took another breath, and this time, he spoke, his voice only barely loud enough to be heard. “It’s… It’s about Mari’s death.”
Determined, Sunny recounted the whole event. He explained the fight, the way he had lashed out, the mistake he made as a result of that. He told them about his disbelief, and the way Basil had rushed to his aid. He admitted to what the two of them did, together, the way they covered up Mari’s accidental murder, posing it instead as a suicide. He told them everything.
And afterwards, there was silence.
Disbelief.
Confusion.
Fear.
Aubrey snapped first, “What?”
Kel followed, his voice small, “Sunny, are you being serious right now?”
Sunny nodded, wringing his hands. “I am.”
Aubrey stood up, her expression frozen into one best described as a mix of confusion and disbelief. She looked at Sunny, then Basil, and then Sunny again. “So then, all this time…”
“It was a lie,” Hero muttered, looking impossibly more incredulous than Aubrey.
“But, it was an accident, right?” Kel asked, standing up as well. “I mean… you wouldn’t…”
Sunny furiously shook his head. “Of course I wouldn’t.”
Aubrey started to pace. “Sunny… do you even realize what you’re admitting to?” She crossed the room, firmly gripping Sunny by his arms. He flinched. "You're admitting to murder, Sunny! Accident or not! How can you be so relaxed?"
"Aubrey, please try to calm down," Hero said, his voice too shaky to be truly reassuring. “I… Sunny… and Basil. The two of you have been holding on to this secret for four years.”
Sunny nodded.
From his bed, Basil looked on in silence, frozen in place. He felt the urge to speak, but at the same time he didn’t know what to say. Fear paralyzed him, freezing him in place as though he were suddenly coated in ice, and he violently shuddered.
“Right, Basil…” Aubrey started, releasing Sunny to then turn to the blonde boy behind her. “What the hell… What the hell were you thinking?”
Kel stepped in, holding Aubrey back right as she started storming towards Basil, her fists clenched so hard they were trembling, and her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over any second. “Aubrey, chill out!”
“What right do you have to tell me to ‘chill out’? Were you even listening, Kel? All these years, we thought… because Basil…!”
“Please stop!”
Basil’s eyes widened.
Sunny stepped forward, standing between Aubrey and Basil. “Please don’t fight. Not because of this. I don’t… I don’t want you to fight anymore.”
Aubrey fell silent, glaring between Sunny and Basil. She looked as though she would explode any second.
“Why don’t we step out for a bit?” Hero said, already nudging Kel and Aubrey along in the direction of the door. “We don’t want to cause a disturbance.”
With their swift departure, the hospital room fell into a stiff silence.
Basil let out a shaky breath, still trying to wrap his head around what had just happened himself. He tried to no avail to still his shaking hands and blink away the familiar sensation of burning in his eyes. Then, Sunny turned to him.
For the first time, Basil noticed Sunny was shaking too, trembling in such a way that wasn’t immediately obvious. His left eye was welled with tears, but despite them, he appeared almost confident. Like he had already accepted what he was doing.
The thought eased Basil’s own trembling, some, and at the moment, he couldn’t help but feel relieved. Though their friends’ reactions scared him, it felt as though a massive weight had been taken off his shoulders, and Basil could see, even through his own tears, that the Something behind Sunny had disappeared.
In the end, it was just Sunny.
It was always just Sunny.
And for a brief moment, when their eyes met, Sunny smiled, and Basil couldn’t help but smile back.
The full reality of their situation hit him at once after they were discharged, however.
At this moment, Kel was uncharacteristically quiet.
Typically, he would have said something by now in hopes of lifting everyone’s spirits, laughing and chatting away like he usually does until everyone was smiling again, and laughing alongside him.
Clearly, this is far from a typical situation.
With Sunny gone, Aubrey turns on her heel, wordlessly walking in the opposite direction.
Kel starts after her. “Aubrey? Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Wait, you’re just leaving ? Shouldn’t we… I don’t know, talk about this a bit more?”
Kel’s gaze drifts over to Basil. Basil looks back at the ground.
Aubrey stops, her shoulders drooping as she lets out a long, exhausted sigh. “I just, I need to be alone for a little while.”
“Let her go, Kel.” Hero says, turning to Aubrey. “Aubrey… remember, you can come to us whenever you need to, alright? You’re not alone.”
She periodically clenches and unclenches her fists, remaining silent as she stands with her back towards the others. “... Yeah. RIght.”
Aubrey leaves, disappearing around a corner without another word. The remaining three stand in a silence of their own for a while, before Kel once again breaks it.
“We should head home too.”
Hero nods, planting his hands on his hips. “Right, Mom’ll start to worry. Basil, would you like us to walk you home?”
Basil jumps as he hears his name, slowly tearing his eyes away from the safety net that was the pavement. “Oh, uhm… sure.”
He’s certain he could pass out any moment now.
The tension doesn’t lessen as the boys start walking. Intentionally lagging a couple steps behind, Basil pretends not to notice the two brothers sneaking glances at him every once in a while.
It’s quiet.
Too quiet.
And yet, Basil can’t bring himself to speak. He can’t make any noise at all.
Of course, he knows why it’s so tense. It’s because Sunny told everyone the truth. Basil would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy about that. In the moment, it felt as though a massive burden had been lifted, and years of built-up pressure and misery that he had no choice but to keep to himself was now out in the open, shared amongst his friends.
Yes, he is happy about that.
Regardless, things still feel just as bad. Aubrey is obviously mad at him. Kel and Hero probably are, too, but they’re too nice to say so. And Sunny…
Sunny is gone.
Basil finally realizes it, right then. Sunny is gone. He moved away. The only person Basil could really trust not to completely hate him right now has moved miles and miles away, and now he’s alone.
Even after they arrive at his house, he doesn’t say a word, listlessly waving as Kel and Hero start back up the street, and even after they’re already gone.
Basil is completely alone.
His vision becomes blurry, and the first sob suddenly forces its way from his throat. Then, the tears begin, falling freely as though whatever had been keeping them back before had finally broken. Basil feels his knees hit the ground, but the sensation of the hard pavement against his bare knees doesn’t register, any external pain completely overwhelmed by the clenching pain in his chest and the thunderous pounding in his head. He wants to scream. He wants to rip his hair out. He wants to crawl into bed and never come out ever again.
Why did Sunny have to move away? At least if he was still here, then Basil wouldn’t have to deal with everything all on his own. They could talk to their friends together, ask for forgiveness together, and even if they were never forgiven, at least they would still have each other.
The thought makes Basil cry even harder. He cries because of his powerlessness, cries because of his isolation. He cries because of his own selfishness.
He wonders, if he and Sunny had never fought that night, would Sunny have still been compelled to tell everyone the truth? At least if he hadn’t, then Basil wouldn’t be dealing with this situation all on his own. He wishes he were dead. He wishes Sunny never came looking for him. He wishes Sunny never said anything.
Basil grips his hair. No, no. Sunny had to tell the truth. If he hadn’t, then he may have never gotten the chance again, and they would have to shoulder this burden themselves for the rest of their lives.
In the end, it seems that they would have a burden to carry either way.
Distantly, Basil feels familiar arms wrapping themselves around him, and words being spoken into his ear, though he can’t understand what they are saying. His vision is too blurred and warped to make out who it is, though he can probably guess.
He still can’t form words, so Basil just cries. He doesn’t know for how long, and after a while, he doesn’t even know what he was crying about to begin with. All he knows is that it hurts, and more than anything, he wishes it would stop.
Basil doesn’t go out the next day. He doesn’t even leave his room. Faintly, he could hear Polly shuffling around downstairs. She knocked on his door once to ask him to come down for breakfast, and did so again around lunchtime. He didn’t respond.
Basil sits at the foot of his bed, shuffling through the photographs in his hands. Most of them aren’t very good. Either the lighting is too uneven or the image came out too blurry; these are the “reject” photos, the ones he opted not to include in his photo album. He always swore he’d throw them away, but they kept accumulating regardless, and now he couldn’t help but be thankful for that. After all, Sunny has his photo album now.
And Sunny is gone.
Basil lingers on a partially blurry photograph from Sunny’s birthday party, the year they all gave him the violin. Sunny had been playing with Mewo, dangling a piece of confetti in front of her face. At the time the picture was taken, however, they both sneezed simultaneously, leading both of them to appear too blurry to even be discernible without context. Basil’s imagination does the rest, however, and even now he can see the scene clear as day. It makes him smile.
He moves on to another photo. This one is of Sunny, Aubrey, and Kel playing in the snow. The image is overexposed, but they’re still somewhat visible if Basil squints. Once again, his memories and imagination fill in the context. It was the first snow of that particular winter, and they all got a day off from school. Kel and Aubrey challenged Sunny and himself to a snowball fight, and they lost terribly. Mari made them hot cocoa afterwards, though.
Basil’s stomach twists itself into a knot. He moves on to the next photo.
This one depicts Hero and Mari. It was taken at night, with the two of them standing outside and holding hands. Basil had taken the picture in secret, however, and had turned the flash off, making the final image too dark to be clearly seen. Even now, he can hardly make it out, but he remembers the moment so clearly. It was taken not too long before Sunny and Mari’s recital.
Rather, it was taken not too long before Mari’s death.
Basil starts to feel a sob rising in his throat. At that moment, however, there’s a knock on his door.
“Basil,” Polly calls from the other side, “one of your friends has come to see you.”
He remains quiet, but he stands up, placing the photographs on his bed and inching over to the door, pressing his ear against it. He can hear Polly retreating back down the hallway and to the stairs. She speaks, but what she’s saying is unclear. Then, he hears another voice in response.
Kel.
Basil takes a deep breath. Then, slowly, he turns the knob, quietly, so as not to alert them should he suddenly decide to retreat back into his room instead. The light coming from downstairs immediately irritates his eyes, and he wonders if it’s because he had been sitting in the dark all day or if his eyes are still sore from all the crying he did. Regardless, he presses on, making his way down the stairs.
Kel is standing in the living room, saying something to Polly, who nods with a concerned look on her face. Basil feels the knot in his stomach grow even more, considering the perfectly real possibility that Kel is telling her about what he and Sunny did. Once they notice him approaching, however, they both turn and smile, which they probably wouldn’t do if they had just been discussing his being an accessory to murder.
Well, not that Basil really knew how people would typically act in that situation.
“Hey, Basil!” Kel is all smiles, unlike yesterday. While he still doesn’t appear as bright as usual, he at least seems a bit more normal. Basil isn’t sure whether to be relieved or unnerved. “I just came to ask if you’d come to the park with me?”
… Huh?
Basil looks at Polly, as though wordlessly asking for help. He does not receive it.
“You should go, get some fresh air,” she urges. “You’ve been stuck inside all day, you know? Maybe it’ll help you feel a little better.”
Seeing as everyone in this house is clearly against him, Basil figures he has no choice but to agree. “...Okay.”
The knot in his stomach only tightens further, and Basil wishes he could rescind his agreement as soon as he’s given it.
The walk to Faraway Park is quiet. As he had the day before, Basil lingers behind Kel a few paces, keeping his eyes to the ground and dreading every single step he takes. It seems that for him, the park has only ever been a sign of bad things to come recently, from being tormented by the Hooligans, to getting pushed into the lake by Aubrey. Though as far as he knows it’s just him and Kel, Basil doesn’t expect anything good to come of this.
“You know,” Kel suddenly says, his voice quiet, “I didn’t tell Polly about you and Sunny, if that’s what you’re worrying about.”
Basil lets out a sigh of relief. At least that’s one less thing for him to be concerned about.
Kel continues, “I think that’s something you should tell her yourself, if you ever do.”
Basil can’t imagine that he ever would. Polly would absolutely hate him. He doesn’t even want to entertain the thought. “I can’t do that…”
Kel opens his mouth to respond, but quickly closes it again, likely reconsidering whatever it was that he was going to say. Basil figures that’s probably for the best.
Once again, they fall into silence. Basil asks, “Uhm… why did you invite me out?”
Kel visibly hesitates before answering, “I was worried… about you. You know? It’s probably pretty stressful for you. Because uh. Because of the secret and everything.”
Basil stays quiet.
“Also, uh,” he continues, “I was hoping that maybe we could all, you know, talk?”
Basil suddenly feels sick. Part of him wants to turn around and run back home, but the entrance to the park is already a few feet away (not to mention, if Kel was compelled to chase him, Basil wouldn’t stand a chance).
He knows for certain, now, that nothing good is going to come out of this.
Kel leads Basil through the greater area of the park and through some trees into a familiar clearing. Basil’s nausea only grows.
Hero and Aubrey are already there, and once Aubrey sees Basil, she immediately starts storming off, glaring at him with a malice that is all too familiar. Hero swiftly grabs her by her arm, keeping her in place.
“Aubrey, stop. This is necessary.”
She tries to wrench herself out of his grip. “Let go– How is this necessary?”
Hero sighs. “We can’t let this sit and fester forever, and we can’t just break apart like we did when Mari died—”
“ When Mari died, ” Aubrey snaps back, “we didn’t know that Sunny killed her and Basil helped cover it up!”
“Let’s at least hear Basil’s side of the story.”
“What is there to hear? First he destroyed Mari’s pictures, and now we find out about this? ” Still held back by Hero, Aubrey could only take a few steps in Basil’s direction. Basil immediately steps back. “How are you even capable of living with yourself? If it weren’t for the fact that Sunny would get in trouble too, I would have reported you to the police!”
“Aubrey, what the hell?” This time Kel steps forward. “Why do you want to protect Sunny but not Basil?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Assuming Sunny was telling the truth, then it was an accident on his part. He was twelve. He made a stupid mistake and wasn’t even in his right mind afterwards. But Basil? ” She tries to move closer to no avail, and settles for simply glaring at him. “What you did and what you got Sunny to do was a conscious decision. That wasn’t an accident. Lying wasn’t an accident. Then you ruined Mari’s photos and had the nerve to act like you were the victim? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Basil tries to speak, but all that comes from his mouth is a strained, choked sound. He tries to move, but it feels as though his feet are deeply rooted to the ground.
Somehow, this seems to just make Aubrey even angrier. “You don’t have anything to say for yourself? Are you even sorry?”
“Aubrey, that’s enough!” Hero snaps, raising his voice for the first time in any of their recent memories. “I hardly believe Basil was in his right mind either. No twelve-year-old just decides to cover up a murder. At least try to listen to his side of things.”
His side of things? Basil doesn’t know. Basil doesn’t want to talk about this. Basil doesn’t want to be here anymore.
All three of his friends have their eyes on him, expectancy layered with mixed emotions. Anger, desperation, hope. He wishes he had never opened his door. He wishes he was dead.
“You have nothing to say because you’re not sorry, right?”
“Aubrey—”
“Shut up, Hero! Basil, I saw how you smiled at Sunny back in the hospital. Do you even feel bad, or are you just relieved to not be the only asshole, anymore? Did you even care about Mari? Or Sunny, for that matter?”
“Aubrey–!”
“Of course Basil cares about Sunny and Mari!” Kel shouted, his voice echoing across the clearing. “How could you even suggest otherwise? We all love them!”
Aubrey finally managed to successfully wrench herself out of Hero’s grip, but this time her focus was on Kel. “If he cared about Mari, he wouldn’t have defiled her body. If he cared about Sunny, he wouldn’t have burdened him with such a horrible secret for four years. Basil—” She turned her attention back to Basil. “ He is a fucking psychopath! He doesn’t deserve your protection or my forgiveness, especially when he won’t even try to defend himself. At least make up some sort of excuse!”
Basil is completely frozen, shaking. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot bring himself to speak. No matter how much he wants to, he cannot move. He isn’t even sure if he’s in his own body anymore, feeling so disconnected from his own senses that he’s almost convinced this is actually some sort of big, terrible nightmare.
Of course, that’s what it is. It’s a nightmare. Any moment now, he should wake up, and when he does, everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay.
Aubrey’s words are the only sound that comes clearly to him, every other voice too faded to make out. Her voice reverberates in his head, and every single word comes through painfully loud and clear. It burns like acid, spilling out from his eyes like a disgusting, bitter poison. He feels as though his ears will bleed, it’s so loud.
As Basil’s vision blurs more and more, he sees Hero turn to him, and his mouth parts to speak.
“Basil? — — —-?”
Basil turns and runs.
Everything passes him by in a dizzying blur of greens and browns and yellows. The sound of Aubrey’s voice is quickly and thankfully smothered by the wind, which blends into white noise in his ear. It rings. It hurts. It hurts, but not as badly as Aubrey’s words did.
He wishes he were dead.