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He thought it would be easier than this. He thought after he’d waited for so long, waiting till after Carole died, after Bradley became his own man, that this whole explanation thing would get lighter and lighter until it felt like the wing of a BD-5J cutting through a cloud.
He wished that he could have pissed on whoever said this would end up that way.
He’s standing there, watching as Bradley, who is somehow still on his side after everything they’ve just been through, puts a wrench elbow deep in the fuselage of P-51, a grease streak framing the top part of his face and decorating him like a medal from wrist to shoulder.
God, it reminds him so much of Nick.
He knows that Brad’s always been more like Nick than him. He had to be, or otherwise, some major crap would have gone down on USS Enterprise, that’s for sure.
He’s still not sure how Nick had hidden him, through the months of training and missions and danger where he barely rounded out his uniforms, excelled forces not healthy for anyone and kept being kicked awake at night in their shared quarters, nor how he himself managed to convince every person around them suspicious that something was going on with them or Nick at large that everything was just fine and dandy.
They just did what they had to do to not get dishonourably discharged. That was the goal.
Then one day out of the blue, Nick’s finally on the shore leave they prepared for months in advance underneath the excuse of something he can barely remember now once they realised that their spectacular drunken carousing has produced something worth fighting for and soon enough, in the hospital with Carole by his side. He’s never had so many necessary phone calls in his life and when Pete can find a minute to turn the fuck up, their kid’s almost two weeks old and Nick’s barely changed. Holding Bradley for the first time is surreal, Nick and Carole the picture of besotted happy parents.
Pete knows he doesn’t belong in this picture, despite them trying to fit him in as Bradley grows older. He’s included in birthdays, Christmases, Easters. He’s 1, then 2, then 3 and so on and as soon as he’s christened “Uncle Mav”, that’s when they know it’s over, despite it really not being over. The shoehorning just is, not the love for Bradley by all three.
It’s lucky that Nick comes back to the military soon after the secret “baby heist” as they collectively referred to it over the months. Nick proudly shows off their son to their friends in photos and Pete just smiles from the corner, no one the wiser. That’s how it had to be. Until Nick dies, that is. Then everything goes out the window, along with Pete’s broken heart.
Carole is just as distraught as he is, but she tries to make him think it wasn’t his fault, just like TOPGUN, just like the Navy-appointed therapists, just like their friends who also witnessed their friend alive one minute and gone the next. It doesn’t fix the pain he feels though, or the moment 5-year-old Bradley realises his Daddy isn’t coming home anymore.
He supposes that’s why when Tom, no longer his enemy, but more than a friend, offers for him to be stationed on some missions with him for a while, does he not come home. It’s not like he can’t face Bradley, but it feels like he’s no longer welcome to pretend he’s Bradley’s uncle anymore and not a father that’s just lost the one person that understood him.
He still receives letters and cards and handmade trinkets from the kid for the first few years that end up lying in a box under his bunk that still holds his father’s dog tags, but they slowly trickle away like the hours and days do as he and Tom are at sea. Then, Nick’s memory that’s been bruised on his heart shrinks as well, as he starts to do the things he used to do with Tom, neither the wiser to how terrifyingly stupid it is.
Somehow, they last and despite it being now 30 years since Pete’s seen the light leave someone’s eyes and disappear like a candle in the wind, almost killing himself for it, he’s barely healed emotionally when he finds out Tom has throat cancer.
It’s another blow to the chest, not unlike the ones he’d suffered years earlier. It’s Tom who finally makes him go see Carole and Bradley after so many years of not doing so, the newly minted 15-year-old greeting him with a shove, before Carole, frail in her own sickness he’d had no idea about and graceful as always, holds him back.
Both of them aren’t great at talking thanks to being guys, but for Carole and Nick’s memory, they try. Brad’s rather hesitant at first and Pete can’t blame him. To the younger, it’s like his only other father figure (literally on Pete’s side and figuratively on Brad’s side) up and left him just like his first father, lost to the world and seemingly, not worth it to return for.
Pete tries to correct what he can, despite the guilt on his heart weighing him down. He doesn’t tell his side of the story to everything Brad wants to know, but he makes an effort from then on not to be out of the kid’s life for long. He knows Nick would have hated him already for not being there for the time he has and Tom has his back and his heart now, so that eases the sting a fair amount to more of a Fireball burn than a raging fire on his soul.
It’s just all too ironic when Bradley wants to enter the Navy at 18 as soon as he graduates and Carole begs him on her deathbed to not let him fly like he and Nick did. It takes all it has in him not to completely throw the request out when she passes. He knows that the kid will hate him for it and for the first while, he does.
It’s at this point where Pete can actually see parts of himself come in. Bradley spits and gets nasty and argues whenever Pete puts his foot down or pulls something on him to stop him and while Pete’s insubordination list gets longer and more of a hassle for Tom to deal with, at least Bradley’s safe and that’s all he’s supposed to give a shit about. He’s none the wiser that he should be blaming his mother and not him for what he was doing, but he knows that Brad doesn’t care less given he’s already angry at him and lets it happen.
When Tom dies, he feels lost. More than he ever did with Nick, which he doesn’t understand as he's already been lost without Nick over the years and his track record provides the evidence for it. The absolute clusterfuck that goes down afterwards thankfully doesn’t leave him much time to think while proving to Hammer that manned aircraft is still a thing to the hostiles almost slaughtering them and Bradley, leading them to this moment.
This…now and present he’s found himself in. At 55 years old. About to tell his 35-year-old son the truth of everything he’s ever wanted to know from him. At least the ground was quite close if either of them fell under the pressure. Putting his own tool down, Pete waited until Bradley steps off the ladder he’s currently on and downing a screwdriver to clean it when he clears his throat. “Hey, Buddy, can I talk to you for a minute?”
He can’t help but be a little startled when Bradley snorts, then laughs as he looks up at him with an almost decimating Nick-like grin. “Wow, you haven’t called me Buddy since I was like 4 or something. You sure you aren’t becoming, like, an old man yet Uncle Mav?”
Pete rolls his eyes, but the nerves kick back in again. “Maybe I am you little shit, but still. I…just wanted to tell you something. That you might not take the right way.”
It seems that Brad has cottoned on to the tone of the conversation, for he straightens up and starts wiping down his hands. “Oh yeah? Try me.”
“Listen, kid, I…” Pete is struggling and he knows it. He’s never been a man of words, just actions. Yes, his actions might land him in trouble most of the time, but they were more effective than words could ever be in his mind. Nick and in turn, Tom, had been men of words unlike him. They could pull themselves out or better when turned to. One time when Nick was growing Bradley in him, Pete had the words, but once he was gone, they floated away.
He wouldn’t let them float away again, not right now. He had to do this, before it was too late, before he got too old, before he could help Brad understand. “I love you kid. So goddamn much and sure, that’s a big sappy statement coming from me, an asshole who somehow put up with you for years, but I need you to know as-”
“-you are my Dad.” It almost made him crumble when he saw Brad’s lips say the words and then let out a sigh, as he stood there, quite numb when the younger continued awkwardly. “I know you are my Dad, Uncle Mav. I didn’t even know if you would have told me.”
“I was going to-” Pete leaps at the chance to explain breathlessly, his entire system on red alert as he asks. “How did you find out?”
“Mom told me years ago, in a letter when she died that wasn’t allowed to open till I was 26, the same age he was when Dad died in the accident.” Brad bites his lips. “At first I was angry and mad and confused, but then when I realised what you did, what both of you did, to make sure I would be born safely and your careers would end, I sort of got it.”
“He loved you, Brad.” Peter, never usually one for the physical showing of affection, grabs him by the shoulder carefully, staring into the man’s eyes. “Goose loved you so goddamn much, he would never shut the fuck up when something happened. /We/ never stopped talking about you to anyone who would listen. All three of us, your father, your mother or me.”
He kept on as Bradley stared at him, tears starting to fill his eyes. “I might be one of the shittiest parents in the whole of the Navy, okay? We can say that, I can say that and I’m sure there are others who would definitely say that. But, the one thing I still have going for me is at the end of the day, I get to come home to my base, our base, and talk to you one on one.”
“You aren’t the worst parent in the whole Navy.” Brad jokes, but then he swallows hard and looks back over to him. “So why do you try to avoid me?”
“I won’t. Not intentionally. You just…” An agonised sigh leaves the elder’s chest. “You remind me so much of Goose, that and Ice, my former partner. I’ve lost both of them now, in ways I couldn’t have imagined. The inside of my brain is a fucking bomb about to go off, but when I look at you, I see them. It makes me remember that I’m alive.”
He can’t help himself and pulls the kid for a hug afterwards, holding him close as Brad’s arms wrap around him while they stand there on the tarmac. Though muffled, Pete closes his eyes when he hears Bradley say something like ‘I love you Pops” into the material of his flight jacket and his arm tighten as they sway there together, father and son, in mourning..
He doesn’t know how long they’ll be there for, but he’s going to enjoy every single moment.