Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tony: GET IN THE DAMN CAR WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Candice: Yeah, yeah we're coming geez keep your hair on
Shrignold: Hey how many Malcolm flyers do you think I should bring?
Tony: Erm Shrigold there isn't enough room in the car for you
Shrignold: Yeah I know I'll just ride up here *He flies up and lands on the roof*
Tony: Y-you're going to sit on the roof?
Shrignold: Yea
Tony: Are you insane?
Shrignold: *Thinks about it*
Colin: You're going to fall off and get run over
Larry: HE WONT IF HE USES THIS *Gives him gorilla glue* If you fall off a giant gorilla will show up and save you, trust me I've done that
Shrignold: Oooh nice *Puts it on the car*
Tony: Oh come on I just had that cleaned
*Butch and Candice walk out the house with a barbeque and some food and charcoal*
Butch: Just gonna stick these all in the boot *Opens it and sees Paige*
Paige: Hello there
Candice: Why are you here
Paige: Where else do you expect me to go
Tony: In the car???? with us????
Paige: But the seats are all taken
Tony: There's six and Shrignold has glued himself to the roof for some reason
Paige: Well I GUESS I'll sit in one of the seats *Reluctantly climbs out and goes into the car*
Tony: Remember to buckle up
*Butch and Candice load the food into the boot and close it, they get into the back, Colin sits in the drivers seat, Tony in the passenger seat and Paige is sat in the seat between them, Larry appears and climbs into the back as well*
Larry: Hiiii
Butch: I thought you slept during the day
Larry: Yeah but I'm running on caffeine but it didn't really give me the energy boost I was expecting but it is making my heart go really fast
Butch:
Larry: Also hi Candice I love your hat
Candice: Thank you I wear the same one every day
Larry: Yep and it looks great
Butch: Do you want to swap seats?
Candice: Nah I'm good
*The car starts and they head off to the beach*
Butch: Can we listen to some music so I don't have to listen to this idiot speak?
Tony: Yes I was thinking the same thing *He puts a CD in and plays some Beethoven*
Candice: You are such a Grandad
Tony: I am not
Candice: Old man
Paige: Hey it's a nice song
Tony: See? Paige likes it
Larry: I brought my Lemon Demon CD collection if anyone wants to listen to that instead
Candice: Is that all the same CD?
Larry: Yeah I accidentally bought fourteen of them
Colin: You better have not used my account for that
Larry: I promise I did not do that
Colin: Are you sure?
Larry: I cross my heart and hope to die
Butch: *Mutters* I hope you die too
Candice: Let's just put the radio on *She reaches across and switches it over*
Tony: Um excuse you
*The radio starts playing a podcast*
Paige: Ah yes the talking station my favourite
*Colin switches it to a different station and it's just screaming*
Butch: What the fuck
Paige: Oh this is my favourite one! *Dances*
Candice: Change it
Paige: No I like it
Candice: PLEASE
Tony: We're keeping it on
Candice: Larry where's your- Larry?
Larry: *Has passed out from sleep deprivation*
Butch: Is he asleep?
Tony: No I think he's dead
Candice: So much for the caffeine

*SOME HOURS LATER THEY HAVE ARRIVED*
Butch: That was a horrible experience and I hope to never ride with any of you ever again
Shrignold: Can someone unstick me please?
Larry: Do not worry for I have the ethyl alcohol
Butch: Aaaand Larry brought alcohol with him of course he did
Larry: No it's for the glue *He pours it over where the glue is to dissolve it* Geez I'm not ALWAYS drinking
Butch: Hmm fine *He turns away*
*Larry drinks the rest of the bottle in one gulp*
Colin: I have the chairs
Paige: I have the umbrella!
Tony: Alright and I have the inflatables *Turns to the others* You four grab the rest of the stuff, we'll meet you down there
*The three leave to go set up the stuff, Butch opens the boot*
Larry: Nice I get to help
Butch: Okay Shrignold you take the towels *He gives them to him* Candice you can take the barbeques *He gives them to her* And I'll carry the food
Larry: And me?
Butch: Oh uh here take this empty pizza box
Larry: Yass

Paige: Ahh blue water very nice, someone get me a fish I need it for reasons
Colin: *Get's in a chair under the umbrella* I am going to spend the day right here
Tony: Why?
Colin: So I don't overheat?
Tony: Oh right yeah *He reaches into a bag and hands him a fan* Use this
Colin: Thank you
Shrignold: Hey guys! I am here now and terribly sunburnt
Paige: Oh wow you really are how did that happen?
Shrignold: I was glued to the roof of the car for two hours
Tony: And whose fault is that?
Shrignold: Yours for not having enough seats
Butch: *Has finally arrived* Okay BBQ time
*He and Candice sets up the BBQ and it blows away*
Colin: Are you really trying to do that on a British beach?
Butch: It's fine we'll just try again *He sets up another BBQ and it blows away*
Tony: Butch-
Butch: Oopsie daisy welp third times the charm
Candice: Yep
Tony: Guys please-
*Butch sets up another BBQ and it blows away*
Tony: How many of those do you have
Butch: Seven
Colin: GO UP TO THE FUCKING GRASS IT'S LESS WINDY UP THERE
Candice: Huh never thought about that okay then let's go up there
*Butch and Candice go up to the grass and can finally BBQ*
Paige: *Stares out into the ocean*
Tony: Are you alright?
Paige: I know I can't really go in because paper but do you think I could maybe possibly get away with just dipping a toe in?
Tony: Wont it fall off?
Paige: Do I really need ten of them?
Tony: Yeeah you really do, look I understand how much you want to go in but it's just not safe for you
Paige: *Now looking sad* Yeah
Tony: Hey hey there's other things you can do like um what about making a sandcastle? you like to make things right? I'll go find some shells for you to decorate it with
Paige: *Smiles* Thanks! I'll go start it
Tony: Wonderful
*Tony goes to find shells and Paige starts the sand castle*
Shrignold: *Sitting on one of the chairs beside Colin* Awwww they're so perfect for each other, it's a beautiful thing seeing people find their special ones
Colin: Hm
Shrignold: Hey I understand, seeing your two closest friends together and in love can make you feel very left out so how's about I help you find your very own special one?
Colin: Get away from me Shrignold
Shrignold: Alright fine but here *hands him a business card* if you ever change your mind
Colin: Since when have you had business cards?
Shrignold: Yesterday
Larry: *Arrives out of breath* Ok I'm here
Colin: Why are you holding a stepladder?
Larry: So I can do THIS *He walks off into the water and places it down and then he walks up it and jumps off*
Tony: DID YOU BRING A FUCKING STEP LADDER TO THE BEACH SO YOU CAN JUMP 2FT INTO THE WATER!?
Larry: Yea lmao
Colin: Tony! deep breaths! calm down he's just an idiot!
Tony: Yes I'm aware I just *Takes a deep breath* what made you even think of doing this?
Larry: A life hack
Tony: A life hack *nods* My will to live is leaving as we speak
Paige: Tony!
Tony: *Turns around* Yes Paige?
Paige: Look! *Shows the giant af sandcastle they made*
Tony: Oh wow that's amazing!
Larry: I wanna climb inside it
Tony: If you even lay a finger on that I will rot you to death
Larry: Haha cool I'll just go sit in this hole then
Tony: Yes very good, I'll be right over with the shells!
Butch: We made some yummy foood
Shrignold: Oh nice what did you make?
Butch: Hot plain white bread
Colin: So toast?
Butch: No it's hot plain white bread
Colin: That's called toast
Candice: We didn't put it in a toaster
Colin: The literal definition of toast is sliced bread browned on both sides by exposure to radiant heat, such as a grill or fire
Larry: Can I have some hot plain white bread?
Candice: Yeah of course come get it
Larry: Uhh can you come to me? I'm kinda stuck in the hole
Candice: *Sighs* Hold on I'll come help you out
Larry: Yay
*Candice reaches in, takes his hand and pulls him out easily*
Larry: Wooow how are you so strong?
Candice: Ever seen Popeye?
Larry: What's a Popeye?
Paige: Oooooh food *They take some and eat*
Tony: You really just heated up some bread?
Butch: Yep
Tony: You are aware that's just toast right?
Colin: That's what I said
Butch: I'm gonna need you both to get off my back about this
Candice: HEY!
*They all look and see Candice has set up a volleyball net*
Candice: WHOSE UP FOR A GAME?
Tony: I don't remember any of that being in the car
Candice: Haha it wasn't
(Tony, Paige, Shrignold vs Butch, Candice, Larry)
Butch: Why is he on our team?
Candice: Cus Shrignold wanted to go on their team
Butch: Wow Shrignold the betrayal hurts
Shrignold: *Shrugs and smiles awkwardly*
Larry: Soo who get's the ball fir-
*Colin gives the ball to Tony*
Butch: Hey hold on that doesn't seem fair
Colin: I'm the coach I do what I want
Candice: Yeah I'm sure there's a reason TONY get's the ball first
Tony: What do you mean by that?
Colin: Nothing she's just being annoying *Looks at her and his screen reads "I'll kill you"
Tony: Anyway, everyone ready? *He serves the ball*
Candice: Got it! *she hits it back at them*
*Shrignold flies up and hits it scoring a point*
Shrignold: YEAH
Candice: Uh hold on no that's cheating
Colin: Yeah it kinda is, no more flying
Shrignold: Ah right sorry
*Tony serves the ball, Butch hits it back but it goes more up and looks like it'll hit the top of the net, Shrignold and Candice both run forward to hit it, they jump up and Candice hits it first, except she also accidentally hits Shrignold right in the face (got the point tho), Shrignold falls down*
Candice's mind: Trying to decide between "ARE YOU OKAY" and "I'M FUCKING SORRY"
Candice: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?
Shrignold crying: W-why
Colin: Oh wow that was great
Paige: Hey you good?
Shrignold: *Gets up* I'm fine
Paige: You're bleeding
Shrignold: I'm a survivor
Candice: Maybe you should swap places with Colin?
Colin: Y-you want me to play a sport?
Candice: C'mon don't be lazy
Paige: You can do it Colin I believe in you! Remember no ones lazy in Lazytown!!
Colin: This is Britain
Shrignold: *Takes Colins whistle* Yoink
Colin: Okay fine *He walks over to Paige and Tony's side* I have never played a sport in my life
Tony: Well there's a first time for everything
*Candice serves the ball, Tony hits it back, he nearly scores them a point but Larry hits it back just before it hits the floor*
Candice: YEAH LARRY
Larry: I did something!
Colin: WELL I CAN DO SOMETHING TOO *He hits the ball back*
Butch: WELL SO CAN I *He uses his face to hit the ball back* Ok that hurt more than I was expecting
Candice: USE YOUR HANDS DUMMY
Paige: I've got this one *They jump up and hit it hard and scores a point* Yea!!
Tony: Amazing Paige!
*The three high five*
*Yadda yadda yadda Paige, Tony and Colin win*
Tony: HAHA IN YOUR FACE BUTCH
Butch: Yeah yeah
Colin: Well not bad for a guy whose never played a sport in his life huh?...*looks and sees Paige is no longer stood beside him and has gone over to Tony*
Paige: You did great!
Tony: So did you, I'm very proud
*Colin stands watching them for a moment before going back over to the chairs and sitting there looking the other way*
Butch: Well since that's over with *shows like five inflatables fully inflated* I did this in three seconds because I have very powerful lungs
Larry: DIBS ON A SWAN FLOATY
Butch: Okay you get this *He hands him the ridiculous inflatable swan thing* (Google it)
Larry: Yasss *He goes into the ocean with it
Butch: What does yas mean?
Candice: You wouldn't get it
Butch: Then explain
Candice: You just wouldn't get it
Butch: Try me
Candice: It's a way of saying yes that's a little more slay
Butch: A little more slay?
Candice: Yeah
Butch: What
Candice: I told you, you wouldn't get it *Takes a banana floaty and goes into the ocean*
Shrignold: Hey can I have the one that looks like a giant flat cockroach?
Butch: Yep here you go *hands it to him and turns to Tony* You want the pizza one?
Tony: What just because I'm low-key obsessed with pizza you think I would want an inflatable one!?
Butch:
Tony: Yes I would like that one
Butch: There we go *hands it to him*

*Meanwhile Paige has wandered off and is walking along the beach exploring. They catch sight of a worn down pier, an abandoned looking building is on the end so carefully they walked along making sure each board could take their weight, though being paper they didn't weigh much at all. Once at the end they opened the door which came with a loud squeak, inside there was a lab with many different potions sat in piles under their descriptions. On the other side sat all the odd ingredients, Paige looked through them all seeing as some change you into animals and other give you different abilities but one caught their eye: A potion to turn you into a mermaid which also came with scaly skin, the description went on to explain that the effects only last three hours and that stepping onto a dry surface will give you scaly legs until you go back in the water. Reading that had sealed the deal, three hours in the water sounded great so they took a vial and stood at the edge before downing it. They felt the difference and saw they were now covered in scales so they jumped in and just as it had said their legs became a rainbow mermaid tail.
Paige: Oh wow it actually worked *trying to get the hang of swimming, they sing a lil song*
Paige: Okay, get a grip, get the hang of this flipper. It's like slipping two feet into one big huge slipper, This way is left, ooh which way is right, well now I'll be circling in circles all night
Paige: Oh so this is forward, no problem
Paige: I can't believe I can do this and more, to swim in the sea like I walk on the shore, Out of my shell, not closed up like a clam, look out, sea, this is me, here I am!
Paige: For a moment all of me, is alive and at home in the sea, I'm swirling and twirling so graceful and grand, not stubbing my toes, getting stuck in the sand!
Paige: For a moment life is cool, I'm splashing the worlds biggest pool, this is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be, for a moment, just a moment, just a moment, lucky me!

Tony: Hey where's Paige?
Colin: Huh? no idea
Tony: I thought they would be over here with you
Colin: Sorry but I haven't seen them since the match, maybe they went back to the car?
Tony: Maybe, I'll go check
Colin: I'll come with you
*They go up to the car and look inside it, there is no Paige*
Tony: Okay it is time to panic
Colin: Hey I'm sure they're around here somewhere, let's just go back and ask the others
*They go back*
Tony: Hey have you guys seen Paige!?
*They don't hear him*
Tony: Ugh typical *He goes into the water and wades through it until he gets to them* Hello? can you hear me now?
Candice: Yeah what's up?
Tony: Listen have any of you seen Pa-
*Larry pours a bucket of water over Candice*
Candice: LARRY WHAT THE FUCK I'M GOING TO DROWN YOU *She jumps off the banana and grabs him*
Butch: Yeah get him!
Tony: DO NOT DROWN EACH OTHER THIS IS VERY SERIOUS
*They stop*
Tony: Paige is missing, when did you all last see them?
Shrignold: When we had the volleyball match
Butch: Yeah
Tony: Right, we need to search the beach *he goes back to the beach*
Colin: Anything?
Tony: No, we're searching the beach
*Once they all come out of the water they start their search*
Shrignold: Guys look footprints
Tony: That's good, we now know for sure they went this way
*They follow the footsteps until they find the pier*
Larry: Uhh why would they go in there?
Candice: Curiosity?
Tony: *Takes a step onto the pier, it creaks under his foot*
Colin: That does not look stable
Tony: Yeah it really doesn't so please stay here, I really would not like it if you fell into the water and broke
Colin: Fair
Shrignold: You are kinda heavy as well so
Colin: I'm literally made of metal you stupid bee
Shrignold: Butterfly
Butch: Sucks to be you I guess *Takes one step on the pier and the board breaks under his foot*
Colin: Sucks to be you as well huh?
Tony: Both of you just stay here at least 5ft apart and no fighting
*Tony, Shrignold, Larry and Candice make their way to the pier and into the lab*
Candice: What is this place?
Tony: Looks like an abandoned laboratory
Shrignold: Guys look *he is holding Paige's sandals* They were definitely here
Tony: They just got those last week, why would they leave them?
Larry: Paige has always wanted to go into the water right?
Tony: Yes but they can't because it would kill them
Larry: This potion thing makes you into a mermaid and makes your skin all scaly
*Tony walks over and looks at it*
Larry: What if they took one and jumped in the water?
Shrignold: Would Paige do that?
Tony: Paige would absolutely do that
Candice: There's an empty vial here and it looks like those ones
Larry: Wait did I get it right?
Tony: Looks like it, well done
Larry: Yeah bitch just call me epilepsy
Candice: Just call you what now?
Larry: That smart guy with the crazy hair and moustache
Candice: DO YOU MEAN EINSTEIN?
Larry: Yeah him
Tony: Can you both shut up
Larry: Yeah sorry
Tony: I'm going to drink this potion and find them, you guys go back and tell the others what's happening, I should be back soon
Larry: Remember you got three hours till you drown
Tony: I know
Shrignold: Good luck, find your special one
*Tony takes a deep, drinks it and jumps in, everyone looks over the edge*
Tony: *Resurfaces* Well that worked
Candice: Wait really?
Tony: *Shows his mermaid tail, it is black and red*
Larry: Whoa you're Ariel now
Tony: Yeah very funny, I'm going now *he goes under the water*

Tony: Right if I was Paige where would I go? hmm I would go down here and look for shells and sea life *he swims down and notices some sticks have been arranged in a specific way* I was right *He swims forward to a rock and hears something swimming nearby*
Tony: Paige is that you?
*No response*
Tony: Hello?
Shark: *Sharks*
Tony: Well shit
*Tony swims away from the shark as fast as he can, he get's into a small dark cave and waits for it to swim past having lost him and deflates*
Paige: Tony?
Tony: Paige?
Paige: *swims out of the darkness* Wow you're here! I love your tail, it's so you
Tony: Yours is very colourful, so you indeed
Paige: How did you find me?
Tony: Larry of all people figured out what you did, so I wanted to find you and make sure you were ok
Paige: *Swims out of the cave* I'm more than ok
Tony: *Swims out the cave* Careful there's sharks nearby
Paige: Yeah I know it's awesome, hey watch this *Quickly swims up to the surface and leaps out of the water and does a flip before landing back in*
Tony: Impressive, but we should probably get back now
Paige: Why? I've never been in the water before, can we stay in just a little longer? please? *puppy dog eyes*
Tony: Oh all right you've convinced me
Paige: *hugs him* You're the best *ends hug* OH I just remembered I saw something I think you'd like *They take his hand and leads them there

*Meanwhile*
Candice: Think he's found them yet?
Shrignold: No idea
Larry: Hey wouldn't it be funny if we took one of these and became mer-people?
Shrignold: Yeah it would be funny
Larry: Really funny
Shrignold: Really really funny
Candice: Are you guys thinking what I think your thinking?
Larry: Maybe
Candice: Go for it
Larry: Join us
Candice: Know what? I'll pass, I like having legs
Larry: Well good thing I don't feel that way *drinks a vial and falls backwards into the water* Ooooh I have one of those lil dangly light things
Shrignold: MY TURN *Drinks and jumps in, he looks at his tail* Wow really a butterfly fish?
Candice: Tony is gonna be so mad at you two
Larry: Yeah that's gonna be funny
*The two swim down*
Larry: Yeah this is awesome!
Shrignold: Weeeeee
Larry: I'M A LITTLE YELLOW FISH IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA, WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME, I'M A LITTLE YELLOW FISH IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA, WON'T SOMEBODY SAVE ME *Takes a deep breath* HELP ME HELP ME, I NEED A REMEDY-
Shrignold: Oh hey what's that?
Larry: Huh? *looks* dunno, it looks dangerous wanna go see?
Shrignold: Yeah that sounds fine
*The two swim towards a submarine*

*Meanwhile*
Paige: Tadaa!
*Tis a sunken plane*
Tony: Wow is that a 1938 Supermarine Spitfire?
Paige: Uhh sure?
Tony: *swims up to it* How hasn't this been discovered yet?
Paige: *Swims over* That's not even the best part *opens the door* Look a dead guy! you like dead things right?
Tony: Huh, poor chap he must've crashed during the war
Paige: Ooh a jellyfish
Tony: Haha well you're easily distracted
Paige: The way it moves is so entertaining
*Paige watches the jellyfish swimming along, Tony instead watches Paige and smiles on the focused look on their face and then a wild Shrignold appears*
Shrignold: GUYS
Tony: SHRIGNOLD WHY ARE YOU HERE I TOLD YOU TO STAY UP THERE
Paige: Oh hey I like ya tail
Shrignold: Thanks! I like yours to- wait no it's an emergency, Larry's been captured
Tony: By who?
Shrignold: Some guys in a submarine
Tony: Why did you both even take the potion in the first place?
Shrignold: We thought it would be funny
Paige: It's a little funny
Tony: *Longest sigh ever recorded by mankind* Okay where's the submarine

*And then Shrignold led them there*
Shrignold: He's in there
Tony: Okay then, follow my lead
*The three keep low as they swim up to it, hiding behind rocks as they go, they get inside and get the temporary legs from the description*
Shrignold: Huh I didn't know the potion did that
Tony: Did you even read the description?
Shrignold: Nope
Tony: I'm going to strangle you
Paige: Nooo don't hurt him he's just a lil bee
Shrignold: Butterfly
*They hear footsteps so take cover behind a wall and see a scientist walk past*
Shrignold: Are they gonna experiment on Larry?
Tony: Probably *turns around* Uh Paige?
Paige: *standing down the hall* (whispers) Hey we should follow that man
Tony: *Whispers* No don't follow that man
Paige: *Starts slowly walking in the direction the man went* (whispers) I. Am. Following. That. Man
Tony: *Whispers* No no come on come back just-
Shrignold: Aww you're worried that's so romantic
Tony: Ugh come on
*Tony and Shrignold go to the other end of the hallway*
Paige: Hey look at the wall, what do you think "SCP" means?
Tony: Yeah I have no idea
Paige: Colin probably will though right?
Tony: Yeah of course he "knows everything"
Distant voice: I already told you I'm just a lamp
*The three look at each other before following the voice and seeing Larry in a tube full of water with some scientist dudes around him*
Larry: See normally the light would go inside the lampshade but now the lights on this dangly bit here so it goes outside the lampshade
*The scientists look at each other*
Larry: Do you guys have any alcohol?
Tony: *Whispers* How are we gonna get him out of here?
*Paige has a lightbulb moment, they jump out behind the guards much to Tony's horror, they raise their arms and it rains ink, the scientists are all covered and slip*
Tony: Well that's one way to do it
*Shrignold flies up above the tank*
Shrignold: Larry grab my hands!
Larry: Oh hey guys I was wondering when you'd get here *he swims up to the top and grabs Shrignolds hands*
Shrignold: *Putting everything into pulling him out* Oof you're heavy
Larry: Yeeeeah
*Shrignold pulls him out and they drop down, he is out of breath*
Paige: Yes! now what?
Tony: Now we run
Shrignold: *Throws some Malcolm flyers into the room* Join the King!
*The four run out as the alarms sound, they run back to the way they got in and get back into the water*
Tony: SWIM TO THE BEACH AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

*Meanwhile*
Colin: You disgust me
Butch: *Eating a kitkat sideways* I know this and I do not care
Candice: *Puts her hand inside a cup to pick it up and drink from it*
Colin: Why are you both psychopaths?
Candice: Runs in the family I guess?
Butch: Wait till you meet the twins haha let's just say keep your skin closed at all times around them
Colin: I don't have skin
Candice: They gon be after your circuit boards
Colin: *Takes a step away from them* Ugh Tony where are you
Candice: Oh Tony, Tony, wherefore art thou Tony?
Colin: Shut the fuck up
*Tony, Shrignold and Larry leap out of the water and land on the sand*
Candice: We summoned him
Colin: *Walks over to Tony* You alright?
Tony: Yep all good
*Colin helps Tony up*
Butch: What did you guys get up to?
Larry: I got kidnapped
Candice: Yeah that sounds in character for you
Larry: It was really cool cus I fought off like six guys
Tony: No you didn't the only one who did anything close to fighting was Paige, wait where- *Sees Paige still halfway in the water so they still have a tail*
Paige: Hey Colin what Pokemon am I? *starts flopping around*
Colin:
Colin: A Magikarp?
Paige: You got it
*Tony goes and helps them up*
Tony: Let's go back to our beach, hm?
Paige: Yeah

*Later*
*Colin and Tony are sat on the chairs*
Colin: Not going in the water?
Tony: I've had enough water for one day
Colin: I wonder who those guys were who kidnapped Larry, kinda odd that they were just sat down there
Tony: I think they were called SCP? not sure what that is tho
Colin: Are you being serious?
Tony: Yes?
Colin: The SCP Foundation are tasked with finding and containing objects and strange entities that violate the natural law
Tony: Huh
Colin: They're very dangerous
Tony: Well good thing we escaped and they have no way of finding us
Colin: Yeah you got very lucky
Tony: Indeed
*Tony and Colin sit back on their chairs and relax*
Tony:
Tony:
Tony: *Shoots back up* HOLD ON A SECOND
Colin: What
Tony: *Grabs one of the Malcolm flyers* Shrignold gave them these and it has the cult address on it
Colin: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Chapter Text

*Tony walks into the living room and sees everyone sat as Paige is playing Ice Age 2 on the Nintendo Wii*
Tony: I thought we were decorating today?
Candice: We're procrastinating
Tony: Not on my watch
Colin: Is that a pun
Tony: *Is suddenly holding a Christmas tree* We are going to decorate this now
Candice: Don't say we didn't warn you
Paige: I am sorry Scrat you will have to survive the meltdown another day *They turn the Wii off* Ok let's do this
Butch: *Trying to untangle the lights* Who the hell put these away last?
Paige: *Cutting out paper snowflakes* I am going to put these absolutely everywhere, no one will be able to see where they're going
Tony: *Takes out a wreath* Where is Larry by the way? shouldn't he be up by now? Candice go get him will you?
Candice: Why me?
Tony: Because I'm not going up there
Candice: Eh fine *She goes up stairs and climbs the ladder to his attic room* Hey Lar-
Larry: Oh hey thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage
Candice: Tony wants you to help with the Christmas decorations
Larry: Yeah I know and that's why I haven't left my room, wanna look at pictures of giraffes sleeping on their butts?
Candice:
Candice: Yes

*Back in the living room*
Shrignold: *Flies through the window* Hey guys
Colin: We have a door y'know
Shrignold: No YOU have a door, I have my own door *Looks around* Ah decorating for Malcolmmas I see
Colin: That's not-
Shrignold: No mistletoe? well good thing I carry extras *He flies over and hangs one up above the door
Paige: Wouldn't it be funny if instead of kissing you have to fight whoever else is under it?
Shrignold: Paige no
Paige: Mistlefoe
Shrignold: That's not what love is about
Paige: Love at first fight
Shrignold: PAIGE-
Tony: Anyone want to put star on top?
Paige: Ooh I do *they go over and take the star and then look up at the tree*
Butch: You're too short for that
Paige: Not a problem, Tony pick me up!
Tony: Haha, alright *He picks them up and they put the star on top
Shrignold: Awwww
Butch: Where the hell are Candice and Larry *he goes upstairs*
Shrignold: Aww times two
Butch: *Climbs the ladder* What are you two doing?
Candice: Did you know most giraffes are gay?
Larry: I can't believe giraffes are real but unicorns aren't
Butch:
Butch: Get downstairs
*They all go downstairs*
Larry: Hmm think I'll make myself some hot chocolate
Shrignold: Can I have one as well?
Larry: Yep
Butch: Don't put any alcohol in it
Larry: Hey I'm not THAT much of an alcoholic geez *he goes through to the kitchen and makes the drinks while singing the hot chocolate song from polar express to himself* Aight
Shrignold: *Takes his drink and sips it* Nice and cosy
Butch: And it's JUST hot chocolate right?
Larry: With milk
Butch: Ok good *he leaves*
Larry: And tequila but he doesn't need to know that *he winks at you, the reader*
Shrignold:
Shrignold: Did you just wink at a wall?
*Candice walks in*
Candice: Hello, gotta pre-heat the oven for dinner, takes so long though
Larry: Get inside, you'll toast it real warm
Larry: Wow I tried to be smooth and I failed
Candice: Did you just tell me to kill myself

*Meanwhile in the living room*
Colin: *Looking out the window* Guys am I hallucinating or is that Santa with a flamethrower?
*Tony, Paige and Butch go over to the window to see what tf he's talking about and see there is indeed a guy dressed as Santa with a flamethrower*
Paige: Neat
*The Santa lights a tree on fire*
Tony: Hell is he doing?
Butch: Should we call someone or-
*The popo arrive*
Butch: Never mind
*They watch the popo arrest the guy*
Colin: Well that's certainly something you don't see everyday
Butch: Always loved a man in uniform
Tony: Eh I don't see the draw
Colin: I prefer formal wear
*Butch scratches his head and puts his hand down but doesn't pay attention and accidentally touches Colin*
Colin: *Jumps back* DON'T TOUCH ME
Butch: What the-
Colin: GET AWAY
Butch: I barely touched you???
Tony: Butch, leave the room
Butch: Okay?? *he leaves the room*
Tony: Hey, Colin look at me, you're alright, you're safe, I'm here

*Kitchen*
Candice: Tf happened in there?
Butch: I have no idea my hand lightly brushed Colins shoulder and he acted like I stabbed him
Larry: Damn
Butch: Will you be staying for dinner Shrignold?
Shrignold: Nope! gotta get back and feed Malcolm his gravel so he doesn't get angry
Larry: Oh yeah a giant rock head getting angry sounds scary
Shrignold: I will see you all at the party tomorrow

*DINNER*
Butch: You done screaming like a toddler now?
*Colin glares at him*
Paige: Yeeah maybe don't touch him in the future
Butch: Still don't understand the problem
Tony: You don't have to understand, you have to accept it is a problem and not do it
Butch: Alright fine
Butch:
Butch: Larry if you just put vodka in your milk I'm going to slaughter you
Larry: Vodka? milk? nah I only know vilk *downs the whole thing* ew that was a bad idea
Butch: YOUR GUMS ARE GOING TO GO GREY
Larry: Fuckin sick
Candice: Wh

*TOMORROW*
Larry: *Puts a picture of Chris Pine on the tree* Hey BUTCH
Butch: What now?
Larry: Ask me what kind of tree I have
Butch: No
Larry: Just ask me what kind of tree I have
Butch: I'm not doing that
Larry: It's a Chris Pine
*Candice enters the room*
Candice: Yes I am aware it is a formal gathering but I refuse the wear a dress so *shows off outfit* suit time
Larry: Whaaaat I had the same idea but opposite so *shows off outfit* dress time
Candice: Nice
Paige: I made that dress! and I made my one as well *spins round showing it off* You like?
Tony: You are incredibly talented
Paige: Aww thanks
Shrignold: Psst Tony
Tony: *Turns* Huh?
Shrignold: *Beckons*
*Tony walks over, the two are now in a different room from the others*
Tony: Do you need something?
Shrignold: As the love professional I highly recommend confessing tonight
Tony: What are you talking about?
Shrignold: Why your feelings for Paige silly
Tony:
Tony: How did-
Shrignold: Hey *flies up so they're eye level* the love professional sees all and knows all
Tony: Erm alright, but why tonight?
*Shrignold puts an arm around him and puts his hand out like that Buzz and Woody meme from like ten years ago*
Shrignold: You must dance together, make sure they're having a good time, get them alone, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and tell them you love them
Tony:
Tony: Just...like that?
Shrignold: Exactly like that
Tony: Okay, I'll do it
Shrignold: There you go, you can thank me later *goes back down to the ground* Well then let's get to that party

*OUTSIDE*
Colin: Fancy building, you sure this is the one?
Tony: That's what the invitation says
Paige: Niice just like a fairy tale
Butch: *Slips a bit but doesn't fall* Whoa the ice is slippery
Candice: Isis
Butch: No the ice is slippery
Candice: Isis
Butch: No the ice is-
Candice: Isis
Tony: ANYWAY

*Inside*
Paige: Woow look at all these people
*A girl walks over*
Lucy: Hey Colin
Colin: Oh hey, guys this is my sister
Tony: Nice to meet you *he shakes her hand*
Lucy: Ah you must be Tony, I've heard so much about you
Tony: Oh really?
Lucy: Yeah Colin talks about you a lot
Colin: No I don't
Lucy: Yes you do
Colin: No I DON'T
Lucy: You really do-
Colin: *Covers her mouth* That is ENOUGH TALKING
Tony: Haha alright then *turns to Paige and offers his arm* Would you like to dance?
Paige: *Takes his arm* I would love to
*The two walk off together*
Colin: I am killing you later
Lucy: Oops did I say too much? so sorry (she is not sorry at all)
Butch: Hello Colins sister, I am Colins room mate
*Colin walks away*
Lucy: Where are you going?
Colin: ANYWHERE HE ISN'T

*Tony and Paige are dancing together, Tony goes through everything Shrignold said in his head*
Paige: Hey you okay?
Tony: Hm? of course I am, just deep in thought, are you having a good time?
Paige: Yep I'm having a great time, I'm at a fun party dancing with my favourite person
Tony: I'm your favourite person?
Paige: Of course you are, we're best friends
Tony: That's...very sweet of you to say

Shrignold: *holding a clipboard* Stage one is going nicely *sees Colin standing in a corner* Y'know you're not going to find a special one avoiding people like that
Colin: What makes you think I'm looking for one?
*Suddenly they see two dudes eating chairs*
Shrignold: Oh my...
Candice: Oh heeeeyyy it's my brothers
Colin: THAT'S THE TWINS?
Candice: Yeah we've told them several times not to eat the furniture but they still do *looks around* where's Butch?
Colin: Dancing with my sister
Candice: Oof well I need him for this anyway
Shrignold: *Sees Tony and Paige going out into the balcony* Oh oh! stage two is starting, I have to make sure they don't get interrupted *He makes his way across the room and slowly closes the door to the balcony quiet enough so that they don't notice and stands guard*
Paige: *Looking at the sky* I wish we could see more of the universe from here, the entire galaxy is full of beautiful colours
*A pause*
Tony: Paige..
Paige: Yes?
Tony: You're even more beautiful than the galaxy could ever be
Paige: Oh wow that's very kind of you
Tony: *Nervously takes their hands in his* I wanted to tell you that *pause* I-I like you...alot and I have for sometime, would you want to be more than friends?
Paige: Like a couple?
Tony: Yes, if you would like
Paige: *Thinks for a moment and then smiles* Okidoki
Tony: Thank you my dear, I promise to make you very happy

Larry: What are you doing?
Shrignold: You stay where you are
Larry: How are you going to stop me?
Shrignold: *Picks up a chair* NO INTERRUPTIONS
Colin: Hey have you guys seen Tony?
*Shrignold blocks the door*
Colin: He's out there isn't he?
Shrignold: No
*The door opens and Tony and Paige walk out linking arms*
Shrignold: So how did it goooo?
Tony: We are officially a couple
Shrignold: YES another success to add to my impressive CV, you may thank me now
Tony: Thank you Shrignold for your advice
Larry: Aww you guys! *turns* CANDICE LOOK PADLOCK IS CANON
Candice: Knew it
Tony: Padlock? is that what you guys are calling it?
Larry: Yea
Candice: BUTCH YOU OWE ME £20
Tony: YOU TOOK BETS!?
Butch: *Hands over the money* Yes we did, problem?
Candice: I'm gonna buy so many apply juices
Colin: Hey, congratulations you two, I hope you're very happy together
Tony: Thank you Colin *to Paige* would you care for another dance my dear?
Paige: I would love another dance!
*The two walk off together, Colins smile drops and he goes out into the back gardens to sit on the stone stairs*
Colin: *Singing* Hands touch, eyes meet, sudden silence, sudden heat, hearts leap in a giddy whirl. He could be that boy, but I'm not the one
Colin: Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are, don't remember that rush of joy. He could be that boy but I'm not the one
Colin: Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been, but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in
Colin: Blithe smile, lithe limb, they are winsome, they win him, rainbow hair with a gentle curl
Colin: That's the one he chose and heaven knows I'm not the one
Candice: Colin?
Colin: *Quickly wipes away his tears* Oh Candice what are you doing here?
Candice: You okay?
Colin: Yeah why wouldn't I be?
Candice: Because you're in love with Tony and he just got into a relationship with Paige?
Colin: Wh-huh? I'm not in love with Tony I don't even know where you got-
*Candice raises an eyebrow*
Colin:
Colin: How long have you known?
Candice: A while
Colin: Do you think he knows?
Candice: I don't think he even has the slightest clue
Colin: What about Shrignold?
Candice: He sees what he wants to see and he has had full focus on getting them together so I doubt he even noticed
Colin: Okay good *he sighs*
Candice: Just wanted to say though, *she sits down* I'm here if you need to vent
Colin: Like in Among Us?
Candice:
Colin: Oh you meant emotionally
Candice: I thought you're suppose to be the smart one
Colin: Ugh I can't think straight right now
Candice: Well yeah-
Colin: NOT THAT KIND OF STRAIGHT
Candice: *Laughs* Don't worry I can't either
Colin: It's just
Colin:
Colin: I don't even have a heart but the amount of pain in my chest could've fooled me
Candice: Hey I'm sure you'll find someone one day and then I dunno maybe you guys can go on a double date
Colin: I don't know if I could bring myself to trust someone else that much, he makes me feel safe, he's like home- wait *sees a line of people stood a bit away from them dressed as Santa's* How long have they been there?
Candice: Why are they all dressed as Santa?
Colin: I saw one of those guys yesterday, they lit a tree on fire
*The Santa gang take out flamethrowers and start walking towards them*
Santa gang: You better watch out, you better watch out, you better WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
Candice: Now they're chanting vines at us that's not a good sign
Colin: We should get inside and warn the others before they burn the building down
*The two run back inside*
Candice: Ugh I can't find anyone in this crowd!
Colin: *Looks over at the stage where the live music performance is happening* Go up there and grab the mic
Candice: Got it *she runs up onto the stage and takes the microphone from the singer* Sorry need to use this real quick *Speaks into the mic* Hey everyone I need your attention
*Everyone stops what they're doing and looks*
Candice: *Suddenly realizes how many people there are and freezes up* U-um t-there there's uh
*Colin sees she's frozen up and get's up onto the stage, taking the microphone off her*
Colin: There's a group of pyromaniacs outside dressed as Santa with flamethrowers, we need to evacuate the building now!
Shrignold: Wh
Butch: Shit prank guys!
Colin: I'M NOT PRANKING YOU THEY'RE OUTSIDE
*Everyone thinking it's a dumb prank starts booing them and telling them to get off the stage*
Singer: Haha very funny you two *grabs the mic off of Colin* c'mon now off the stage *puts a hand on Colins back*
Colin: *Hits their hand away* DON'T TOUCH ME
Singer: Hey hey calm down we're all friends here
*Suddenly the windows all around them smash and the Santa's climb inside, everyone start screaming and rushing around, the singer onstage sees what's going on and runs backstage to safety but doing to accidentally pushes Candice off the stage, she falls backwards but is caught before she hits the floor*
Larry: Are you okay?
Candice: Y-yeah I think so
Larry: *Puts her down* C'mon we need to go
Candice: Wait where are my brothers!?
Larry: Yes your brothers *tries to look around* okay I see the twins they're skill eating furniture and *looks around* WHY CAN'T I SEE BUTCH HE'S LIKE 8FT TALL

Lucy: Is Colin still on the stage?
Tony: I don't know I can't see him
Paige: Wait *climbs up onto Tony's back* There! I see him he's curled up in a ball!
Tony: We have to get to him! Paige stay close to me
*The three try to make their way through the crowd*

Candice: Larry I have a crazy idea
Larry: Let's do it
Candice: Help me back on the stage
*He helps her back up before climbing up himself, Candice takes the mic and whistles into it, the twins stop eating furniture and look at her, she points at the Santa's*
Candice: NOM NOMS
*The twins drop the furniture and charge at the Santa's whilst drooling*
Candice: And now the magic happens *drops mic*
*The twins eat the Santa's*
Larry: Oh wow!
Candice: Turns out the best thing for your teeth all along was flesh and organs
Larry: Huh I always thought it was toothpaste

*Tony, Paige and Lucy have finally reached the stage*
Tony: Colin! I'm here you're okay I'm here
Paige: It'll pass soon we're all here for you
Colin: *crying* No it wont, please leave me alone
Tony: *climbs up on the stage* Colin please, we need to get out of the building, I promise I'll get you out without anyone else touching you
*Colin raises his head, just seeing Tony calms him down and then he sees a Santa running towards Lucy and Paige which they don't see cus it's from behind them, he quickly gets up and jumps off the stage landing between them, he opens his arms in a protective manner*
Colin: DON'T COME NEAR THEM
*The Santa aims their flamethrower but just before they can fire, one of the can brothers jumps on them and eats them*
Colin: Huh
Paige: Colin you protected us! thank you
Colin: You're welcome?
Paige: *Holds a hand up* High five?
*Colin thinks for a moment and then high fives them, Tony smiles*
Butch: WHERE THE HECK WHERE YOU ALL?
*They all see Butch stood there and he now has wings*
Candice: Why do you have wings?
Shrignold: *Raises an arm from behind him* Just me!
*They look around seeing most of the guests have escaped and most of the Santas have been eaten*
Tony: I don't know about you all but I'm ready to go home
Colin: Yeah same

*TIME SKIP IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME*
Paige: *Unwraps a present* An avocado! thanks
Larry: I knew you'd like it
Butch: WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT SOIL FOODS LARRY? WHAT DID WE SAY?
Paige: Oh I'm not going to eat it I'm going to paint it...after I genetically alter the green off
Butch: Oh well that's okay then *to Larry* you're on thin ice
Larry: Oh no I'll slip
*Paige hands Tony a present*
Tony: Thank you dear *he opens it and it's a toy violin* Interesting
Paige: It plays several different songs, I know you like classical stuff
Tony: *Takes it out of the box and presses the button which makes it play* Hm twinkle twinkle little star very nice *he hits it again making it play a different song* Yes very classical I do like this *presses the button again*
Tony:
Tony: That's the fucking theme to angry birds
*Loud bang at the window*
*Silence*
Paige: You summoned one
Candice: Did Shrignold just go hurtling into the window and die
Colin: Pretty sure it was just a Pidgeon
Larry: SHRIGNOLD!?
Butch: IT WASN'T SHRIGNOLD
Tony: ANYWAY *Puts hands together* Larry would you like your present now?
Larry: Oh you got me a gift?
Tony: Yeah you see that orange car outside?
Larry: YEAH?
Tony: Well I got you a book the same colour *gives him it* NOW START READING
Larry: Haha that's so funny *Crying on the inside*

Paige: Aww this is nice *Holds up a digital camera* Everyone smile!
*Everyone smiles*
Paige: *Snap* Yep I just broke a bone
Tony: You WHAT
Paige: I have glass bones and paper skin
Tony: SOMEONE GET THE FIRST AID KIT

Chapter Text

Paige: Heyyyy Tonnyyy
Tony: Yes?
Paige: You can travel through time right?
Tony: I can
Paige: That's cool cus we were all sorta kinda wondering...
Tony: Go on
Paige: If you would take us to the 6th century?
Tony: Well...I suppose I could, is there a specific reason why that time period?
Paige: I wanna see a castle
Tony: Well that's a good enough reason
Paige: Nice! well we're all ready anyway
Tony: Wait what *he turns around and everyone's just kinda stood there* I see you were all confident in me saying yes
Butch: Well duh it's Paige you would say yes to anything they asked
Candice: You'd jump in front of a bus if they wanted you to
Tony: Do you think I'm stupid?
Candice: Yea
Tony:
Tony: Well I appreciate the honesty, let's do this then

*Wow they back in time*
Tony: *Opens his arms* Behold sixth century England! a time of knights, castles-
Shrignold: AND DRAGONS
Tony: Dragons don't exist
Shrignold: Oh sure they do, and if you slay one you save a Princess and when we do that we can get Butch a special one
Butch: Why me?
Shrignold: I have given up on Colin, he's too stubborn
Colin: Good
Larry: So does this mean we're going on a dragon hunt? (roll credits)
Paige: That sounds fun
Butch: Where would a dragon even live?
Larry: Under a lake
Paige: Don't dragons live in caves?
Larry: Yeah but the last one I met lives under a lake
Shrignold: You've met a dragon
Larry: Yeah, loads
Candice: The ones you see in your dreams don't count
Larry: Well my line between reality and dreams is very thin
Candice: We know
Butch: Why don't we head to that mountain? that's gotta have caves right?
*The group agree and off they go, Paige and Tony hold hands daww*
Paige: I wonder what colour it'll be, maybe a blood orange or a mysterious black
Candice: Do you mean red?
Paige: Blood orange
Candice: So red?
Paige: Blood orange is a colour in-between orange and red, do not question me on this again
Butch: Things are heating up in the colour fandom
Colin: I would add my opinion into this debate if I had INTERNET ACCESS
Tony: Calm down the internet hasn't been invented yet
Colin: It feels like I'm missing half my brain
Larry: I don't have a brain
Butch: I believe that
Colin: *whispers to Tony* What do you think will happen when they learn dragons don't exist?
Tony: *whispers* We'll burn that bridge when we get to it
Colin: *whispers* Don't you mean cross?
Tony: *whispers* I did not
Paige: Why y'all whispering?
Tony: It's nothing, just guy talk
Paige: Ahh guys being dudes, gotcha
*They stop in front of the mountain*
Larry: *Points* That's a cave right?
Butch: What else do you think a cave looks like?
Larry: I can't remember
Shrignold: *Goes to the entrance and shouts* HELLOOO *echo*
Colin: You sure you- *Suddenly a trap door under him opens and as he falls he grabs Tony who also falls*
*Everyone looks down into the hole, it is dark*
Larry: Is that gonna be a problem to us?
Candice: Probably
Shrignold: Well I guess we should probably go in and look for them
*They all go in, luckily Larry is a lamp and such lights up so they can see*

Tony: *Stands up and wipes dirt off his hair* Colin?
Colin: Over here *Sits up and puts the brightness of his screen up so they can see better*
*Tony sits down in front of him*
Tony: Are you alright? is anything broken?
Colin: I think I'm- *pause* Oh my leg broke off, welp that sucks
Tony: Oh dear, are you okay with me carrying you?
Colin: Are you okay with you carrying me?
Tony: Yes why wouldn't I be?
Colin: I'm heavy
Tony: You can't be that heavy
Colin: I'm a computer
Tony: It'll be fine *turns around* here climb on my back
Colin: Well okay don't say I didn't warn you *he climbs on*
*Tony stands up and stumbles a bit*
Tony: My GOD
Colin: I TOLD YOU
Tony: IT'S FINE
Colin: I can try to hop
Tony: IT'S FINE *Starts to walk forward* LOOK HOW FINE IT IS
*The room they are in is filled with dirt and rocks of different sizes, there is no ceiling and on the other side of the room they can faintly see stairs*
Tony: LOOK A WAY OUT WE CAN GET BACK TO THE OTHERS I NEED TO MAKE SURE PAIGE IS OKAY
*They both get hopeful and begin to walk over but as they get closer they notice a body of water that is between them and the stairs, the hopefulness disappears from their faces*
Colin: Oh no
Tony: Oh no is correct *he puts him down* I'll check how deep it is

*Everyone is walking down a tunnel, they are all tired*
Paige: How long have we been walking?
Shrignold: Feels like hours but can't be sure about that
Paige: Yeah since the only two people in our group with a built in clock are gone
Butch: Wait where's Candice?
*They all look around but can't see her*
Larry: *Yelling* Candy!?
*Candice jumps out of nowhere in a full suit of armer holding a large sword and screaming, everyone get's a fright, she takes off the helmet laughing*
Butch: WHY
Candice: Haha the looks on your faces
Larry: Ooh can I hold that sword?
Candice: *Hands it to him* Knock yourself out
*Larry takes the sword and immediately falls cus of how heavy it is*
Candice: I didn't mean that literally
Larry: How do you do this
Candice: WATCH POPEYE
Larry: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS

Colin: Did you hear screaming?
Tony: THEY'RE MUCKING AROUND UP THERE PLAYING GAMES INSTEAD OF TRYING TO SAVE US
Colin: How insensitive
Tony: I've repeatedly told them there's a time and a place for mucking around but do they listen? no! *puts his arms back and leans forward a bit* climb on, we're getting out of here
Colin: *Sighs* Alright hope I don't die *he climbs on*
*Tony puts everything into walking forward*
Colin: Please don't drop me *tightens his grip*
Tony: I'm trying not to
Colin: If you do I'll never forgive you
Tony: Won't you be dead?
Colin: Yes and I'll haunt you everyday AND MAKE YOUR WALLS BLEED
Tony: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET BLOOD STAINS OUT!?
Colin: No I don't Tony I've never had that problem
*Colins screen flickers*
Tony: Please tell me your screen isn't broken
Colin: It isn't it only does that when I'm nervous
Tony: Is that be-
Colin: Because of the water yes that is what's causing the nervousness because I am nervous of the water because the water could kill me
Tony: Why are you talking like you're trying to reach a word limit?
*They reach the other side, Tony collapses*
Tony: MY GOD I am going to have the strongest legs in the universe
Colin: Well who needs legs with arms like these?
Tony:
Colin: Oh yeah you've never played Undertale but you have played Poppy's Playtime yep
Tony: Colin-
Colin: Fucks wrong with you
Tony: *Stands back up* Let's just try and find the others
Colin: Okay I'll bully you on the way there
Tony: *Laughs* Of course you will

Paige: Hey does anyone hear really deep breathing?
*Pause*
Butch: Now that you mention it...
Shrignold: Dragon? *Peeks into the other room and sees a sleeping dragon* Yep that's a dragon
*They all peek in*
Candice: Oh shit
Shrignold: Did anyone see a Princess?
Butch: Larry turn your light off
Larry: I can't, it stays on unless I'm asleep unless you want me to sleepwalk
*They hear the dragon waking up*
Butch: *Whispers* Sleepwalk NOW
Larry: *Sighs* Alrighty then *he closes his eyes and hangs his head, the light turns off*
Candice: *Whispers* Wait now we can't see anything
Paige: Shhhh
*A long silent pause*
Shrignold: *Whispers* Did it go back to sleep?
Butch: *Whispers* I have matches hold on *he lights on and it's face is right there*
*They all scream and Butch drops the match causing it to go out, suddenly there is a light and they see the dragon has grabbed Larry*
Larry: Hiii
Shrignold: LARRY IS THE PRINCESS!?
Butch: Well I ain't saving him
Candice: Do I have to do everything around here!? *she holds the sword epically and runs up a wall, backflipping off and landing on the dragons snout, stabbing it in the eye which causes it to drop Larry, she lands down on the ground and catches him, the dragon retreats*
Shrignold: *Has a really big smile on his face*
Butch: Don't you dare
Shrignold: Don't I dare what?
Butch: Do not put my sister in a boat with the drunk idiot
Shrignold: Wh-
*SUDDEN APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS*
*They hide behind a wall, Candice has the sword at the ready, when the footsteps get close enough she jumps out but stops*
Candice: Oh hi Tony
Tony: What the hell are you guys all doing?
Paige: Hi Tony! what happened to Colins leg?
Tony: Hi Paige! don't worry it just fell off
Paige: Cool! *turns to Shrignold Hey wanna see something cool?
Shrignold: Yeah
Paige: If I run and leap at Tony he will most certainly catch me in his arms *starts running at Tony* COMING IN
Tony: NO I'M HOLDING COLIN
*Paige still leaps at him and he still catches them, he is now holding two people*
Tony: If you didn't weigh more than a few grapes this would be really difficult
Colin: Hey what's that?
*Everyone turns and sees the dragon running at them*
Butch: THE DRAGONS BACK! RUN!
Tony & Colin: THE WHAT?
*They run and take cover behind some rocks*
Tony: DRAGONS ARE REAL!?
Colin: NO ONE DOCUMENTED THESE THINGS!?
Candice: Both of you shut up, here's the plan, we're gonna do what Shrek did, we've all seen Shrek right?
Paige: Yes
Butch: Yes
Tony: No
Colin: YOU'VE SEEN THE ROOM BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SHREK!?
Tony: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL
Colin: I thought we were friends
Larry: Oh hey there's a conveniently placed chandelier up there
Shrignold: Someone distract the dragon and I'll fly up to it
Colin: Anyone up for seducing it?
Tony: What the fuck is this movie?
Candice: Hey Butch you wanted a special one right?
Butch: There is NO WAY I am EVER-
*Cut*
Butch: Heyyy dragon! you have such big beautiful eyes
Shrignold: Sound less scared!
Butch: I AM scared!
*The dragon growls*
Butch: How would you like for me to make you a delicious three course meal? I'll include plenty aspic as it is GREAT for your teeth *he keeps talking*
The squad:
Paige: This is flirting?
Candice: He doesn't normally do this
Tony: Yeah I can tell
*The chandelier drops over the dragons head and goes around it's neck*
Shrignold: *Thumbs up*
*The dragon starts struggling*
Tony: WHAT DID SHREK DO NOW?
Candice: EVERYONE GET OUT I NEED TO LEAD IT AROUND THOSE PILLERS
Tony: IF YOU SAY SO
*The others head to the exit*
Candice: I'll take care of the dragon *she runs out in front of it* HEY OVER HERE
*The dragon sees her and starts chasing her, she does as Shrek did and leads it round the pillars and then sticks the sword in the middle of the chains and runs, she comes across the others who are waiting for her and they all run together, instead of the chains stopping the dragon the pillars instead collapse and everything is crumbling around them, the run faster until they get out barely, the dragon is crushed under the rubble*
Larry: WOOOOOOOOO
Paige: Oh my god that was dangerous! we could have died! THAT WAS AMAZING
Tony: *Collapses* The adrenaline wore off, MY FUCKING BACK
Paige: *Kneels down and pats his head* There there
Candice: Do you want me to carry him?
Colin: *Hisses*
Candice:
Candice: Are you a fuzzy
Larry: CANDICE THAT WAS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN YOU STABBED A DRAGON IN THE EYE
Shrignold: Hey don't talk about Butch's wife like that
Butch: My WHAT
Tony: Oh hey would you look at that
*At the top off the mountain there is a large castle*
Tony: You did want to see a castle, right dear?
Paige: It's so pretty, guys I want a castle
Tony: Same *he stares at it* it really is the bees knees
Colin: The cats pyjamas
Larry: The chickens trousers?
Colin: What the fuck was that Larry?
Larry: You guys took mine! :(

Chapter Text

Tony: I want this house cleaned now people I want this place looking like Disney on ice in one minute
Tony: If you haven't made your bed throw it away it's too late to make it now COMPANY IS COMING
Tony: Get rid of the couches we can't let people know we SIT
Tony: THE CHAIRS NEED TO BE PUSHED IN THERE CANNOT BE ANY SIGN OF LIVING IN THIS HOUSE
Candice: Hey can you maybe chill?
Tony: HOW ABOUT MAYBE YOU CHILL!?
Tony: AND WHY IS BUTCH BREATHING INTO A PAPER BAG!?
Candice: He's a lil stressed
Tony: You don't know the meaning of the word *he leaves the room* WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS
Shrignold: Whatcha stressing about?
Candice: Someone he likes is coming over
Shrignold: Oooh like, like likes?
Candice: Like, like likes
Shrignold: *Smiles* Don't worry I will help you
Butch: Oh no that's fine *Hiding under the table*
Candice: Y'know Tony's gonna yell at you if he sees you under there
Butch: LET HIM YELL
Tony: THEY SHOULD HAVE ARRIVED 39 SECONDS AGO WHY ARE THEY LATE
Paige: TONY. Please. stop shouting, you're gonna give everyone a migraine
Colin: I turned my hearing down, I love that about me
Larry: Wow you really are an alarm clock huh?
Butch: Look what you did you gon and woke up Larry
Larry: I was having a strange dream as well, something about a lion that eats butterflies
Shrignold: A lion that does what now
*Knock, knock*
Tony: Ah! they've arrived *he opens the door*
Frank: Oh hi guys!
*They enter*
Paige: Hello! you're still wearing the apron I made you!
Frank: Of course I am it's my favourite apron
Brody: *Sees Shrignold* Hey you told me there wouldn't be any other kids here
Frank: Yeah and there isn't
Brody: Then whose that? *points*
Shrignold: Wh- I'm not a kid
Brody: Then why are you so short?
Shrignold:
Colin: Wow I can hear his dignity shattering
Shrignold: *Collecting himself* Ahem, ignoring you completely *pushes the child aside and walks up to Frank* Greetings! my name is Shrignold and I'm a love professional
Frank: Oh hello, I'm Frank
Shrignold: Now I have the ideal special one in mind for you but before we go over that do you ever feel lonel-
Butch: SHRIGNOLD *Picks him up and laughs awkwardly* silly little guy let me just take him away for you
Frank: Oh erm okay?
*Butch runs into a different room and puts Shrignold down*
Butch: Why are you like this?
Shrignold: What? I'm trying to help you
Butch: Well I don't WANT your help now stay put or I'm taping your to the wall
Shrignold: *Huffs* Fine
*Back in the other room*
Larry: So I had a dream I won this really cool giant house and it was great except it was haunted by the ghost of Eminem and he kept making diss tracks about me and then he'd show up in the middle of the night and start rapping them at me and I started crying and then I woke up
Frank:
Frank: Are you drunk?
Larry: Yeah
Frank: *To Candice* You're okay with this!?
Candice: Nope I've told him hundreds of times what that stuff does to his teeth and he just says-
Larry: Fuckin sick
Brody: *Pokes him with a knife*
Larry: Ouch what the-
Brody: Don't say the b-word
Larry: Fuckin doesn't start with a b
Frank: Yeah not a fan of you
Candice: Butch doesn't like him either
Frank: Speaking of, where is Butch?
Butch: *pops up* I'm here haha just had to talk to Shrignold there he's always trying to get people to join his cult haha
Brody: I wanna join a cult
Candice: You really don't unless you wanna worship a giant head
Shrignold: ACKCHYUALLY it's an organization that promotes love *hands Brody a flyer* we teach you how love works and find you a special one although we may have to wait a few years on that part, you're a little young
Brody: Do you have to wait a few years to?
Shrignold: AGAIN not a kid, I'm a fully grown adult
Brody: Wow you're fully grown? ouch imagine being fully grown at like 2ft tall
Shrignold: *Takes the flyer back* You are uninvited also I'm still taller than you
Brody: Yeah but I'll grow
Shrignold: *glares at him and then turns to Frank* Anyway about your special one
*Butch is stood behind Frank shaking his head at Shrignold who only winks*
Shrignold: I think you deserve someone tall
Frank: Yeah?
Shrignold: Is a good cook
Frank: Oh definitely
Butch: *Picks up Shrignold* I'll be back in a minute *Runs up stairs and starts taping him to the wall*
Shrignold: BUTCH-
Butch: I TOLD YOU I WOULD DO THIS IF YOU DIDN'T BEHAVE
*He is done*
Butch: Good now you're gonna stay right there and I'm gonna keep my eye on you *he starts walking*
Shrignold: Or your could-
*Butch falls down the stairs*
Shrignold: -Watch where you're going
Larry: Are you okay?
Tony: Stop falling down the stairs
Paige: How'd the ground taste?
Frank: Butch! *kneels down beside him and helps him up* Did you break anything?
Butch: Haha nope it's fine I fall down the- not that much at all ever *pause* what?
Frank: What?
Shrignold: Hey can one of youse get me off the wall please? I have to pee
Larry: I will save you! just need to grab the scissors
Candice: No you ain't I told you before no using the scissors while your drunk do you you want a repeat of last time?
Larry: It was kinda funny
Candice: It was not
Brody: The heck is wrong with this house
Tony: Don't worry about it , I'm the one using the brain cell
Colin: Well it's my turn to use it so give it here
Tony: No it's mine
Colin: GIVE IT
Tony: GET YOUR OWN
*The two start play fighting*
Brody:
Brody: Can I get a waffle?
*Tony and Colin continue play fighting*
Brody: Can I PLEASE get a waffle?

*Later on as it is now night time, Tony and Paige are sat outside stargazing*
Paige: Okay, favourite day of the week? mines Saturday
Tony: I'd have to go for Monday
Paige: Garfield wouldn't like you
Tony: I can't imagine I'd like him either, he seems awfully lazy
Paige: *Laughs*
Tony: Right my turn, favourite holiday? mines Christmas
Paige: Oh the Purge
Tony:
Tony: That's a unique answer
*Suddenly a bunch of glowing stones fall from the sky and land in front of them*
Paige: Oh pretty! *picks them up*
Tony: What are they?
Paige: Mine lol
Tony: Uhh okay? if you want I guess
Paige: Mmm forbidden snacks
Tony: Paige, darling, please promise me you wont eat those things
Paige: Okay I guess *Runs back inside* GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND
Butch: Heck are those things?
Paige: No idea but I love them with all my heart
Candice: ALL your heart?
Paige: Yep
Candice: What about your boyfriend whose standing right behind you by the way
Paige: Oh yeah, him too I guess
Colin: Where did you find these?
Paige: They fell from the sky
Colin: Wh- THE SKY!?
Paige: Yeah cool right?
Larry: *Gasp* ARE THOSE THE CHAOS SKATEBOARDS!?
Tony: The what?
Larry: The skateboards that cause chaos
Tony: Obviously not, they're rocks not skateboards
Larry: Not yet
Paige: I'm taking these up to my room to paint! BE BACK SOON *They run upstairs*
*Paige does as they said they would, setting the rocks together nicely and painting them using watercolours, Tony enters the room a few hours later*
Tony: Hey you know it's midnight right? you should really go to bed now
Paige: I will when I have finished this
Tony: Figured you'd say that *he walks over and kisses their forehead* Don't stay up too late, love you *he leaves*
*When Paige finally finishes the painting they are tired af and have a strange strong desire to eat one of the rocks, not being able to think straight due to the tiredness they take the red rock and eat it, crunching it like a lollipop and swallowing, they then collapse into their bed and fall asleep*

*The Next Morning*
Paige: *Sleepishly walks into the kitchen* Ugh so tired
Tony: How late did you stay up?
Paige: Not that late, it was only like 3am or something I dunno
Tony: I'll make you a coffee
Paige: No it's fine I'll do it, I'll just *reaches for the fridge*
Tony: You have to stand up and walk-
*The fridge door flies open with a red glow and hits Candice whose stood next to it*
Candice: WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
Colin: If we have a poltergeist I'm moving out
Paige: On second thought yeah I'll just get up and walk *They get up and walk to the fridge*
Tony: Well that was odd- Colin what are you doing?
Colin: *Holding an EMF reader* Looking for electromagnetic fields
Tony: Why?
Colin: *Holding a spirit box* If there is a spirit here with us can you tell me...does this sound like Shakira? *starts singing*
Tony: Colin-
Colin: *using a Ouija board* Answer the damn question bitch
Tony: WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS?
*The planchette starts to move and red a red glow*
Colin: ITS WORKING
*It lands on yes*
Colin: *Jumps out of his seat* Haha! I'm Shakira! bring the beat in!
Candice: *Holding an ice pack over her eye* That's Beyoncé-
Shrignold: *Flies in through the window* DID SOMEONE SAY SHAKIRA!?
Colin: Yes I did, it's me the ghost said I'm Shakira
Tony: No it didn't it only said you sound like her AND WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT THERE IS NO GHOST
Colin: THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE MOVING?
Tony: The wind?
Colin: THE WIND!? Listen Tony *pats his head* I'm the clever smart boy, I'm the one who decides what it is
Tony: I'm gonna slap you in a moment
Colin: Slap me and I'll slap you back
Shrignold: No fighting! Shakira Shakira *starts dancing*
*Paige runs out of the room and into the bathroom*
Butch: *Walks in* Hey someone explain to me why Paige just ran out, Candice has an ice pack over her eye and WHY IS THERE A OUIJA BOARD ON THE TABLE? and Shrignold why are you giving Colin a crown?
Shrignold: He's a Queen
Butch: I- *sighs*

Tony: *Knocking on the bathroom door* Are you alright?
*Paige opens the door, pulls Tony inside and closes the door*
Paige: Ok you see that bar of soap? *points*
Tony: Yes?
Paige: Watch this! *They hold a hand out and concentrate, a red glow appears around the soap and their hand, the soap is lifted into the air
Tony: What?
Paige: How amazing!?
Tony: How did you do that?
Paige: *Stops lifting the soap* Sooo do you remember when you told me not to eat the rocks?
Tony: You ate the rocks...
Paige: Just one
Tony: *Takes a deep breath* Paige. Why
Paige: They look tasty
Tony: But what if you get sick? what if you get SERIOUSLY sick?
Paige: I feel great actually... hey I wonder *they use the power on themselves and start floating* Hey look we're the same height
Tony: You are not taking this seriously at all
Paige: *Floats upside down* Weeee
Tony: *Grabs them and turns them the right side up* Paige please! *pause* Look I'm happy that you have appeared to develop telekinesis but if you feel the slightest bit off even if it's just a small headache, you tell me alright?
Paige: Haha okay!
*They leave the bathroom*
Tony: I'm just going to sit in here for a moment ok?
Paige: Alright
*Tony goes into the cupboard under the stairs and closes the door*
Paige: *Walks into the kitchen* Colin, Tony's sitting in the cupboard again
Colin: *Sighs* Okay I'll go let him vent
Candice: Like in Among Us?
Colin: Shut up or you're losing your kneecap privileges
Candice: Ok
*Colin leaves the room*

*Colin opens the door to the cupboard to see Tony sitting on the floor crying*
Colin: You good there?
Tony: No
Colin: Alright *He gets in, closes the door and turns the light on, sitting beside him* Give it to me, what's going on
Tony: Do you remember those glowing rocks Paige brought in?
Colin: Yes
Tony: They ate one
Colin: They WHAT
Tony: And now they have telekinesis
Colin: Sooo all that earlier
Tony: Yes that was them
Colin: No ghost?
Tony: No ghost
Colin: Dang
Tony: Well yeah so I'm now really worried because what if the rock was toxic? what if it makes them sick or KILLS them!?
Colin: Ok I now see why you're so worried
Tony: Wait, you're smart, make a cure
Colin: You want me to make a cure to remove a superpower from Paige which they got from a rock which is possibly not even from this planet?
Tony: Yes
Colin:
Colin: Yeah I could do that
Tony: *Relived sigh* You are a life saver *He goes to hug him and then remembers and quickly backs away* Ah sorry! I forgot there for a moment, that could've been bad
Colin: *Nervous laugh* Yeah
Tony: Um hand hug? *raises his hand*
Colin: S-sure
*They hand hug*
*Colins whirring (caused by the fan) gets louder*
Tony: Are you overheating?
Colin: Yeah uh this cupboard is a little humid
Tony: Oh right well we should probably get back to the others
*They stand up*
Colin: I'll catch up in a moment
*Tony leaves*
Colin: *Deflates and stares at his hand* Holy shit

*Everyone is watching TV*
Butch: Oh hey Tony, nice of you to join us
Tony: What's everyone watching?
Candice: Just the news, something to do with a bunch of robots committing crimes
Tony: Huh well then
Paige: Hmm *starts going upstairs*
Tony: Where are you off to?
Paige: Just my room, I had a sudden creative vision
Tony: Well before you do *he goes up to their room and takes the rocks* I'm keeping these in my room for the time being
Paige: You know what? fair *they go up to their room*
Tony: Need any help?
Paige: Nope! *They close they door and lock it*
Tony: Oh okay *he goes back downstairs*

*A few hours later Paige is stood in their newly made superhero costume*
Paige: Oh yeah I'm gonna fight so much crime *They open their window and jump out

*Making their way through the city on on the roofs they finally spy a crime taking place by the robots that were described in the news, they jump down and see the robots seem to be modelled after animals*
Paige: Stop right there criminal scum!
Toy Freddy: Who the hell are you?
Paige: Oh no one special, just a creative whiz kid
Guy being robbed: Help! these guys are trying to mug me!
Toy Bonnie: Oh we don't have time for this! just grab her
Paige: I. AM *Grabs Toy Bonnie with their mind and lifts him up* A THEY *Throws him down to the ground hard*
Toy Freddy: They have Sans Undertale powers!?
Toy Chica: Don't worry I've got this *starts throwing cupcakes*
Paige: *Getting hit* A-are these suppose to hurt? *takes a bit of frosting* Mmm did you make these?
Toy Chica: Um, yes?
Paige: They're really good
Toy Chica: Aww thank- *gets punched in the face*
Toy Freddy: Enough of this! I'll take you on with my bear hands!
Paige: Oooh nice pun!
Toy Freddy: That was uninte- *gets lifted up and thrown into a building*
Paige: Yay I did it!
Guy who is no longer being robbed: *Filming* That was awesome! hey new superhero do you have any wise words for the people?
Paige: Always listen to your heart, listen to the rain and listen to the voices in your brain! *jumps up onto a street lamp* and don't wear green! *flies away*

*Back home*
Paige: *Slips back into their room and changes back into their normal clothes and goes downstairs* Hey guys-
Larry: PAIGE LOOK THERE'S A SUPERHERO ON TV
Paige: Wh- there is?
*The TV is showing the video that guy filmed on Paige beating up the animatronics*
Candice: They're really cool! and they use they/them just like you
Butch: And they hate green just like you
Colin: And they kinda talk like you as well
Larry: If you guys ever meet I bet you'd be besties
Paige: Haha yeah probably
Tony: *Staring at her* Could I maybe talk to you in private

Paige: Okay, okay I know what you're gonna say *clears throat and does a Tony impression* Paaige how dare you go out and be a really cool superhero-
Tony: I didn't know you were that strong
Paige: Huh?
Tony: You easily beat up three robots who are all bigger than you
Paige: Yeah I did do that
Tony: You were incredible out there! I was in awe just watching you...but please
Paige: Here it comes
Tony: Be careful
Paige: Tony-
Tony: If anything were to happen to you-
Paige: You worry too much, I can throw people without touching them so I THINK I'll be fine
Tony: Well okay then, if you want to be a superhero who goes out and fights crime then I will fully support that, and if you get ANY haters you can bet I will be right at their doors-
*Paige laughs*
Tony: I'm being fully serious right now, I'll even get everyone else on board with this
Paige: Oh I'd like to see that
*They hear screaming*
*Tony sighs*

Colin: STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEE
Butch: Y'see what I mean?
Candice: Wow it really is that easy huh?
Larry: *Holding his ears* He's so high pitched
Tony: *Walks in* WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!?
Butch: I was demonstrating how Colin turns into a baby when you touch him
Colin: I AM NOT A BABY
Tony: How many times have I told you not to touch him!?
Butch: I dunno like twice?
Tony: Get out!
Butch: Alright then *turns to Candice* Wanna walk about in the middle of the night and try not to get killed?
Candice: Hell yeah
Larry: I WANNA COME TO!
Butch: Yeah sure just be a beacon for serial killers to find us
Larry: Nice I love bacon

*Tony is sat in the living room with Colin calming him down, Paige is in the kitchen staring at the plants that are by the window, with curiosity they raise a hand in an attempt to make it bloom early but instead it dies*
Tony: How are you feeling now?
Colin: Um I don't know
Tony: That's okay take as much time as you need, I'll stay right here
Colin: *Smiles at him*
*Paige walks in holding the dead plant only the veins of the leaf remain, their eyes are glowing red*
Paige: Look at this plant
Tony: What did you do to it?
Paige: *Looking at it* I don't know, but I like it *pause* I wonder what would happen if I did that to a person
Tony:
Tony: Paige are you feeling alright?
Paige: *Looks at him and smiles* I feel fantastic *pause* What colour was your blood again?
*Paige uses their powers to grab Tony and bring him forward, he is unable to move or breathe*
Colin: Tony!
Paige: Let's find out shall we?
Tony: Paige please this isn't you
*Colin runs up behind Paige with a coat hanger stand attempting to hit them over the head with it, they notice and quickly drop Tony to focus their powers on Colin, freezing him in place and then throwing him to the wall*
Paige: That's no fun, you don't even have blood, but you do have a brain, let's see it up close *They start to approach Colin*
*Tony who is on the floor cus he nearly passed out grabs their wrist*
Tony: Don't....hurt....him
*The front door opens, Butch, Candice and Larry are back from their lil walk*
Candice: Um what's going on?
Paige: Hello friends!
Butch: Paige...what did you do?
Paige: I'm just having some fun *They slam the front door shut and walk up to the three* Now then *Freezes Candice in place* I think you'd look better without skin
Larry: Sleep now!
*Paige falls into a deep sleep, colapsing to the floor*
Butch: Candice are you okay!?
Candice: I think yeah, it all happened so fast, what even happened?
Tony: It's that damn rock, it's done something to them
Butch: What rock?
Tony: Those glowing rocks, they ate one *He sits down beside their sleeping body, holding them*
Larry: They're having a nightmare
Candice: I would be as well
Larry: No, I could sense they were having one even before I put them to sleep
Butch: How is that possible?
Tony: Because that wasn't Paige, whatever was in that rock has taken over their body
Colin: I better get to making that cure then huh? *he walks up stairs, stumbling a bit*
Tony: Hey Colin, thanks for saving me
*They look at each other for a moment, Colin smiles and nods before continueing walking up the stairs*
*They put Paige to bed as they would be out for a few hours, everyone sits in the living room anxiously waiting*
Colin: And done! *holding a syrindge*
Tony: Oh wow that was faster than I thought it would be
Colin: I'm very clever
Tony: You really are
Candice: Oh a needle
Colin: Well what do you expect me to put it in?
Larry: One of those beeties stickers
Colin:
Tony: Let's just give it to them
Colin: Yeah
*They go upstairs and into their room, the room is empty and the window is wide open*
Tony: WHERE ARE THEY!? DID THEY ESCAPE!?
*Hearing yelling, the other three come up to see what's going on*
Tony: *Hyperventilating*
Colin: Tony look at me *he grabs Tonys face and makes him look at him* we are going to go find them, we are going to give them the cure and we are going to bring them home, everything will be okay
*Tony seems to calm down a bit until he sees Larry, he goes over and grabs him*
Tony: YOU SAID THEY WOULD BE OUT FOR A FEW HOURS
Larry: T-they are, I didn't sense them waking up please stop yelling at me
*Colin pulls Tony away from Larry*
Colin: Tony you're blinding by rage and not thinking straight you NEED to calm down
Candice: HEY
*They look at her*
Candice: There's a note here signed by someone named Fazbear, Paige didn't leave on their own they were kidnapped
Tony: Well what does the note say?
Candice: Hurr hurr hurrhurr hurr hurr hurrhurr hurrhurr
Tony: What the hell does that mean
Candice: We took your friend. See you in the town square in an hour
Colin: Wait you speak animatronic?
Candice: Hey I don't judge you for your hobbies
Colin: I am not judging
Tony: If these robots took Paige we're going to fight them
Butch: You want us to fight robots? you know we don't have superpowers right?
Tony: *Thinks*
Tony: *Smiles* I have a crazy idea

*Meanwhile*
Chica: Why are we doing this again?
Bonnie: Look the prisoner demands it, we have to bring it, you saw what this thing did to the toys
Foxy: FOUND ONE *Is holding Shrignold by the back of his shirt like a cat holds a kitten*
Shrignold: Oh hello, you all seem lovely
Chica: Aww it's cute, do we really have to throw it in with the prisoner?
Fox: Aye it's what Freddy says
Shrignold: *Sees Bonnie* Oh my you are adorable
Bonnie: Me?
Shrignold: Yes! I know a bunny just like you...have you ever thought about getting a special one?
Bonnie: Well yeah I've thought about it but-
Shrignold: Then let me help you, I am a love professional after all
Freddy: What are you all doing?
Foxy: Found a butterfly
Freddy: Good *takes Shrignold* I think the prisoner said something about wanting to take your wings off? haha good luck with that pal
Shrignold: WAIT NO PLEASE I LIKE MY WINGS
Tony: HEY
*They all look up and see Tony, Candice, Butch and Larry epically standing on a roof above them*
Tony: Drop the bug
Bonnie: Are those the ones we need to kill?
Freddy: Yes *Holds up Shrignold* You want him? come get him
*Candice zips down with super speed and grabs Shrignold*
Chica: Wait they all have superpowers now?
Shrignold: I think I have whiplash
*The rest of the group jump down and start fighting the animatronics, Candice uses her super speed, Tony ended up with elasticity powers, Butch got ice powers and Larry got super strength but the animatronics aren't going down easy*
Candice: Hey Elsa try freezing them
Butch: STOP CALLING ME ELSA *He freezes Chica who then heats herself up and melts the ice* Welp that did nothing
Tony: *Using their cool marvel ear pieces* I think Paige is in that box, I'm going to save them *He dodges the animatronics, using his elastic powers to turn his hand into a key and open the door*
Paige: Aww you guys came to save me? that's sweet
*Tony wraps himself around Paige to restrain them, he is holding the needle*
Tony: This is for your own good
*Paige freezes him in place, throwing him off them*
Freddy: WHY DID YOU RELEASE THEM? THEY'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL
*Butch forms ice all around Paige to stop them from moving but is struggling to keep them in place*
Colin: (Who is speaking through the ear pieces as he is not there and is their guy in the chair) Guys look up! there's something there
*Everyone looks up and sees a huge mess of wires and limbs*
Larry: Ew what the heck is that!?
Foxy: OI MANGLE WHY'D YE TAKE SO LONG?
*Mangle attacks, stabbing and throwing things from above*
Candice: Larry I have an idea! throw me!
Larry: I love that part of the Incredibles! *He picks her up and throws her*
*Candice uses her speed to go through thr air faster and punches Mangle, it breaks apart*
Candice: WOOOOO
*Larry is too busy cheering and doesn't notice Springtrap when he gets punched hard in the face*
Larry: *Sees Springtrap* That's a messed up looking bunny wabbit
*Meanwhile Tony is struggling against Bonnie and Chica*
Tony: You guys are way to strong for Chuck-E-Cheese ripoffs
Bonnie: Oh we had an upgrade *He sees Butch still struggling to keep Paige contained* Chica go take care of that one
Chica: Hee hee on it!
*As Chica is walking and everyone is struggling, the animatronics suddenly stop*
Freddy: What's happening!?
Colin: HAHA GUESS WHO JUST GOT HACKED!
Bonnie: THE NERD HACKED OUR SUITS?
Tony: Colin you bloody genius!
Colin: Aww stop hah actually no keep going
*Paige breaks free*
Colin: Candice go run around Paige really fast
Candice: What why?
Colin: Because they're standing on dirt, it'll create a tornado and make them lose visuals on everyone
Candice: Oh I see *she does as Colin said, running around Paige and making a tornado*
*Butch then makes the ground under them ice so Paige is stuggling to keep upright, they keep trying to stop Candice but can't catch her as she's going too fast*
Colin: Okay Larry, throw Tony in there and Tony, get that needle in them
*Larry does just that, throwing Tony in who wraps himself around them and stabs the needle in their arm and injecting it, they go limp and fall, Tony catches them before they hit the ground and everyone stops, coming over and waiting, Paige slowly opens their eyes and the red has gone*
Paige: Huh?...what happened?
Tony: Paige you're back! *he hugs them, everyone is releaved*
Colin: Hey uh sorry to ruin the moment but that bear animatronic is being worn by someone
Butch: Wait really? *he walks over and takes the head off
Everyone: JEFF GOLDBLUM!?
Jeff Goldblum: Yes it's me
Candice: Why???
Jeff Goldblum: I got fired from acting after Jurassic Park 2 from evil doings and I needed a new job
Larry: Weren't you in the new ones?
Jeff Goldblum: No they actually cloned me, all actors have clones do you not know that?
Larry: I knew Avril Lavigne was replaced by a clone
Tony: So you decided to wear a bear suit and try to kill people!?
Jeff Goldblum: Hey I'm an assassin now and our client really wanted you guys dead
Tony: Who is your client?
Jeff Goldblum: Classified
Larry: From Penguins of Madagascar?
Chica: Wait if you're there then what happened to Freddy?
Jeff Goldblum: Died and was replaced by a clone
Chica: Oh
Foxy: Kinda makes sense now
*Pause*
Butch: Let's just go home
*They start to walk*
Bonnie: Hey uh about that whole special one thing...
*They stop*
Shrignold: *Smiles* You guys keep going, I'll catch up

*They walk back home*
Paige: No way you're messing with me
Butch: We're not you went full supervillain, even I was scared of you
Paige: I didn't hurt anyone did I?
Tony: Only a little
Paige: Oh...I'm so sorry for all this
Larry: Hey it wasn't you! you were asleep that was actually Waige
Candice: Waige?
Larry: Yeah that's what I've decided to name evil Paige
*They get inside the house, Colin is stood waiting for them*
Colin: Hi! you guys were amazing out there
Tony: No YOU were amazing, you hacked their suits! and you figured out a strategy to save Paige, we owe you *smiles*
Colin: *Shyly looks away* Well um a-anyway we should probably get this cure thing over with now
Candice: Oh no I hate needles
Larry: Do you want me to hold your hand?
Candice: I can hold my own hand
Larry: Oh okay, can you hold mine?
Candice:
Candice: Yeah sure
*They all sit down, Colin gathers the syringes and gives them all a jab, Tony attempts to stretch his arm and is unable to*
Tony: Wow that worked really quickly
Paige: I sure am happy to get rid of that
Larry: I miss picking up cars
Candice: Just be healthy and you can pick up all the cars you want
Larry: Sounds difficult
Candice: It really isn't *Looks at Butch* Ha guess you can't build a snowman anymore huh?
Butch: I'M NOT ELSA
Larry: Oh no he's mad he's gonna turn into Helsa
*Paige laughs, Tony watches happy that they're back to normal and then turns to Colin*
Tony: That's twice you've saved me today
Colin: Guess you owe me twice huh
Tony: *Laughs* I don't think I'll get over how you hacked their suits and stopped them from moving, how did you even do that?
Colin: I'm a computer Tony, I can do these things
Tony: You never cease to amaze me
*Smoke starts coming out of Colins head*
Tony: COLIN ARE YOU OKAY?
Colin: I'M FINE I JUST NEED SOME AIR DON'T FOLLOW ME *He runs outside*
Butch: What
Candice: Heck did you do
Tony: I JUST COMPLIMENTED HIM
Candice: Oh okay makes sense
*Suddenly everyone feels something coming up their throats, they open they mouths and tiny skateboards all the same colours as the rocks they ate jump out and then fly out the window*
Butch: WHAT THE FUCK
Larry: Ahh I knew it was the chaos skateboards all along

Chapter Text

Candice: Okay place your bet, whose winning?
Butch: Tony and Paige
Candice: Really? you don't think it could be Colin?
Butch: I think it could've been but he's working with Larry so
Candice: You don't know him like I do *places down money* I'm betting on Colin and Larry
Butch: Welp say goodbye to your money then
*They are playing Super Mario Party. Tony & Paige vs Colin & Larry*
*20 Minutes later*
Butch: HOW ARE YOU LOSING?
Tony: I'VE NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE
Paige: It's fun though :) and we're only one star behind it's fine
Butch: YOU BETTER WIN THIS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE ON YOU? IT'S MORE THAN YOU MAKE IN A YEAR
Tony: Wow rude
Colin: Sucks to be you I guess *rolls the dice and get's an 8*
Larry: Nice roll Colin
Colin: Shut up
Larry: Okay!
Tony: These minigames aren't really as complicated as I thought they'd be, they're actually a little fun
Paige: That's the spirit
*Meanwhile Colin is in the middle of stealing a star*
Larry: Wait are you-
Colin: Mmmhmm
Larry: Oh my god
Colin: They didn't notice so don't worry
Larry: Okay
Colin: Just don't make a scene or anything
Tony: What are you-
Colin: Don't make a scene
*The star is stolen*
Paige: NO
Tony: *LOUDEST SCREAM EVER RECORDED BY MANKIND*
*Colin and Larry start laughing*
Paige: COME ON GUYS WHAT THE FLIP
Colin: What?
Paige: Flip off!
Colin: I didn't do anything
Paige: Flip you!
Colin: I don't know what you're talking about
Paige: We worked hard for those stars :(
Colin: Yeah well I worked hard trying to steal them ok?
Larry: That was the most insane scream
Tony: No one likes a thief, my bike got stolen this week you remind me of the person who stole my fucking bike
Colin: Alright well I'm sorry that's your problem though
Paige: What!?
Tony: Well the way you play the game maybe you stole my fucking bike
Colin: Oh maybe I did how about that?
Tony: Just fuck you Colin
Larry: Oh hey we got another star
Tony: I'm going down to the police station and putting down a report, he looked tall and STUPID AND HE HAD A DUMB SCREEN ON HIS HEAD
Tony: And he's my roommate named Colin, but more so than my roommate I thought he was my friend and I think that's what's most disappointing
Tony: But really through can I have my bike back it was £200
Colin: Don't worry buddy we'll get you a new one *pats his back*
Larry: GUYS
Colin: What?
Larry: SHRIGNOLD JUST TEXTED ME ASKING WHOSE SCREAMING
Tony: HE HEARD THAT!?
Paige: Haha my ears are ringing
*At the end yes Colin and Larry did make street meat out of them*
Butch: MY MOOONEY
Candice: I'm gonna buy so many apply juices
Larry: Haha apply directly to the forehead
Butch: I'm so broke now
Candice: Why did you bet so much?
*They start to leave the room because it's late and it's bedtime, Larry of course stays on the couch*
Tony: Hey Larry?
Larry: Yeah?
Tony: I apologise for yelling at you
Larry: It's fine, losing a star is a very upsetting-
Tony: No I mean when Paige went missing
Larry: Oh?
Tony: I never properly apologised for getting angry at you so I am very sorry, and it wont happen again
Larry: Awwww *hugs him* I forgive you
Tony:...Is this really necessary?
Larry: Shhh just let it happen
Paige: *Standing in the doorway*
Tony: Um it isn't what it looks like?
Paige: ROOM FOR ONE MORE?
Larry: HELL YEAH
*Paige runs over and also hugs Tony*
Colin: Wow glad that's not me
Candice: *Whispers* Well you don't want to be Tony but I'm sure you wouldn't mind being one of the other two~
Colin: Candice I will destroy you
Candice: *lols in Bri'ish*

*Next morning*
Tony: Larry why are you still awake?
Larry: I'm about to start crying really loudly
Tony: Why?
Candice: He hasn't drank any alcohol since yesterday
Paige: Oh wow well done!
Larry: *Has a death grip on his legs and the veins in his neck are visible* It really doesn't feel like a good thing *gets up* I GIVE UP I NEED MY BEER
Candice: *Grabs him* NO *Turns* BLOCK THE DOOR
*Tony and Paige block the door*
Colin: What the fuck I JUST woke up
Butch: Took your time
Colin: I have to charge
Butch: So do we all
Colin: Different type of charge stupid
Larry: YOU CAN'T STOP ME I ALWAYS HAVE A TRICK UP MY SLEEVE *Takes an entire bottle of beer out of his sleeve*
Candice: NO *Hits it out of his hand*
*Instead of hitting the floor the beer instead lands halfway through and starts freaking out, everyone stops and looks at it in confusion and then they all fall through the floor

*Tony and Paige find themselves in a strange yellow place with buzzing lights and walls positioned in different places*
Paige: Where...are we?
Tony: I have no idea *Looks around* this is very new
Paige: Not too fond of this shade of yellow, it's kinda dirty looking
Tony: Is that the first thing that comes to mind? *he pauses and offers his hand* come on, I have a bad feeling about this place
*The two walk hand in hand, taking different turns but still finding the same yellow walls until they come across some arrows*
Tony: Finally something
Paige: *Draws a flower under it* The wallpaper is a weird texture, I don't like it
*They suddenly hear a noise behind them, they quickly look and just see something hiding behind a corner*
Tony: We should move
Paige: Good idea
*They keep walking, the hear another noise and quickly get into a dark area, they see a weird stick like creature walk by*
Tony: Okay this place just got deadly
Paige: Haha I love Henry Stickmin
Tony: What
Paige: This is the greatest plan!
Tony: Shhh not so loud
*He peeks out*
Tony: Alright the coast is clear
*They creep out and find a square hole they can't see the bottom of*
Paige: Should we jump?
Tony: Is that wise?
Paige: Hm dunno, let's ask him
Tony: Who? *turns around and sees big ol stickman heading straight for them*
Tony: LET'S JUMP
Paige: Yay!
*They jump in*

Candice: How did we even get here?
Larry: Eh we fell through the floor, it happens, good thing I brought my best friend
Candice: Aw-
Larry: *Takes out a bottle of beer from his sleeve* This lil guy
Candice: How many of those do you have?
Larry: This is my last one *drinks* and it was nearly done and now it is *tosses it aside* anyway welcome to the Backrooms! don't worry I've been here seven times
Candice: I don't remember seeing you fall through the floor
Larry: It was in my dreams, so basically be glad you're with me because I know this place like the back of my hand, nothing here could surprise me
*They run into Shrignold*
Larry: *Screams*
Shrignold: *Screams*
Candice: Shrignold? how did you get here?
Shrignold: I came over to your house for a visit and fell through the floor
Larry: WAIT that might not be Shrignold, it could be someone pretending to be Shrignold
Shrignold: What
Larry: What is your otp?
Shrignold: Padlock
Larry: Ok now what does your cult do?
Shrignold: IT'S NOT A CULT
Larry: Okay checks out, it's him
*The three move together, Larry explains everything he knows*
Candice: You are way too calm about this
Larry: Well much like a dog sitting in a burning building I too just pretend everything is fine and look we found a vent
Candice: Wish we had a ladder
Larry: We don't need one, we have wings *picks up Shrignold* Fly Shrigs fly!
Shrignold: Okay geez *Flies up to the vent and looks inside* Wow look nothing
Larry: Too dark?
Shrignold: Too dark
Larry: Pick me up I'll illuminate it
*Shrignold picks Larry up and flies him up to the vent with a lot of difficulty*
Candice: You are a weakling
Shrignold: Shush up
Larry: *Looking in the vent* Hmm yes I see I see
Candice: You can't see shit
Larry: I can't see shit
Shrignold: Language
*He puts him down*
Larry: So you guys wanna be sus?
Shrignold: Haha when the imposter is sussy
Candice:
Candice: Why are you both stupid?
Larry: Because we're two half's of a whole idiot
Shrignold: Yeah!
*They hear a noise close to them*
Larry: Ok! everyone in the vent
Candice: What was that?
Larry: Don't worry about it
Shrignold: I am worrying about it
Larry: No I said don't
*The three get inside and crawl until the reach the other side and jump out*
Candice: Finally away from all those buzzing lights
Shrignold: Where are we now?
Larry: Hm let's see, bright colours, ball pits, weird giant teddy bear in the corner of the room staring at us, looks like we're in the playrooms.....EVERYONE BACK IN THE VENT
Candice: It's gone
*They look up and yep it's now just a wall*
Larry: Well shit
Shrignold: I mean this isn't too bad, it's a cute area
*Candice feeling suspicious of the giant teddy bear goes to touch it, Larry grabs her arm*
Candice: You better have a good reason for doing that
Larry: Don't touch the bear or it'll touch you...not in an inappropriate way but kinda in an inappropriate way cus it'll kill you and that's kinda innap-
Candice: I get it
Larry: Good good, we should go, keep an eye on that thing though
*They start to walk and Candice is making sure to keep her sights on the bear but then the lights turn off and when they turn back on the bear is now standing*
Candice: Uhh Larry?
Larry: RUN
*The three run, the lights keep turning off and on and every time it does the bear get's closer*
Larry: QUICKLY GET IN THAT LIFT
*They get to it and press the button but it's taking a while and the bear is fast approaching*
Shrignold: PRESS THE BUTTON
Candice: I DID
Shrignold: PRESS IT AGAIN
Candice: THAT'S NOT HOW LIFTS WORK
Larry: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE
Shrignold: *Hugs Larry* I LOVE YOU BRO
Larry: *Hugs back* I KNOW
*The doors open*
Candice: IT'S OPEN GET INSIDE
*They get inside*
Shrignold: CLOSE THE DOORS
Candice: I'M TRYING
*They all scream but then the doors close just before it reaches them*
*There is a pause*
Larry: Cool
Candice: COOL!?
Larry: Yeah we got chased by a killer teddy bear haha
Candice: Can you be serious for five minutes?
Larry: My record is four but I think I can do it
Candice: We almost died and Shrignold looks traumatised
Shrignold: My life flashed before my eyes
Larry: How was it?
Shrignold: Really confusing I don't remember doing half those things
Larry: Look how about we lighten the mood a little? would you rather eat rocks or a matter baby?
Shrignold: What's a matter baby?
Larry: Nothing what's the matter with you? haha
Shrignold:
Shrignold: If I get called baby, infant, kid, tyke, kiddo, MIDGET, ONE MORE TIME I swear to Malcolm they'll never find your body
Larry: Did you just threaten me?
Shrignold: Maybe
Larry: Awww Shrigzys first death threat *hugs him* I'm so proud of you
*The doors open and they hear nursery rhymes*
Larry: Oh
Candice: Good oh or bad oh?
Larry: Kinda bad oh, follow me
*They hide under a table, they can see someone standing holding a balloon*
Larry: Those guys are called partygoers, they are very fast and very homicidal
Candice: Great
Larry: Just follow me closely and be careful
*They get out from under the table and go along a hallway, peeking around a corner and seeing a party goer, they keep close to the ground, hiding under tables when they find them, it feels too easy but then they realise*
Larry: Wait where's Shrignold?
Candice: Oh shit
Larry: *Looking around* He was right behind us wasn't he? *he looks around a corner and locks eyes with a partygoer which chases him*
*The two run until they get to a room with three slides that has signs above them, one says "this way" the middle has question marks and the other has "exit", they block the door*
Candice: These look sketchy
Larry: It's the middle one, the other two will kill you
Candice: Ok let's go! *she jumps down the slide*
Larry: I'm sorry Shrig *he also jumps down the slide*

*Colin and Butch had really bad luck and ended up in the maintenance tunnels, they've been walking through it for some time*
Butch: I keep seeing smiley faces
Colin: You're probably going insane
Butch: Yeah with hunger
Colin: *Sighs* Of course I had to get stuck here with you, I should've blocked the door with Tony
Butch: Ugh all you've done since we've got here is talk about Tony are you in love with him or something?
Colin: Ew no who the fuck else am I suppose to talk about? you? not likely
Butch: It's just getting very annoying
Colin: You're getting very annoying
Butch: Okay look we're stuck here so like it or not we have to get along
Colin: No we don't
Butch: By the way are you dating my sister?
Colin: Am I- WHAT?
Butch: You guys keep hanging out alone
Colin: We're not dating
Butch: Look lie all you want but know this one thing
Butch: If you break her heart I'll break your spine
Colin: WE'RE NOT DATING
Butch: It'll break like a carrot- wait what the-
*They see a flock of smiling faces behind them*
Colin: Oh you were right, smiley faces
*The faces start moving forward*
Butch: We should probably-
Colin: Yep
*They run*
Butch: Look a door! that way!
Colin: Of course that way what other way is there to go!?
Butch: EVEN WHEN WE'RE RUNNING FOR OUR LIFES YOU'RE DIFFICULT
Colin: STOP TALKING YOU'LL MAKE US RUN SLOWER

*Tony and Paige are now in the poolrooms*
Tony: I can barely see in here
Paige: Don't worry I got this *stamps foot and shoes light up*
Tony:
Tony: I would kill for you my dear
Paige: You might have to if we see Henry Stickmin again or any of those other things we've seen
Tony: At this point nothing down here scares me
*Shrignold very quickly runs into them and knocks them over, Tony screams until he sees who it is*
Shrignold: I am so happy to see you guys! *hugs them*
Tony: How did you get here!?
Shrignold: Well funny story I actually came over to your house and then I fell through the floor and then I ran into Larry and Candice and then we got chased by a giant teddy bear and then we were hiding under a table and I fell through the floor AGAIN and into a waterslide which then took me to a pool in a waterpark and I nearly drowned but then I didn't and then I ended up in a dark tunnel and there was a lion eating butterflies and it was chasing me and now I'm here
Paige: Wow I wish we found the waterpark
Tony: Wait you were getting chased by a lion?
Shrignold: Oh yeah and I still am
*Suddenly a lion jumps out of the darkness, the three run until they reach a dead end*
Tony: Both of you get behind me
*They do*
*The lion approaches slowly growling*
Tony: SIT, STAY, ROLL OVER
????: That's not going to work
*A man walks out of the darkness*
Tony: Jeff Goldblum???
Jeff Goldblum: Yes it's me this is where I live now, and this is Fluffy
Shrignold: Tell Fluffy to stop eating butterflies! I saw it!
Jeff Goldblum: No can do, the butterflies in here breed way too fast so it eats them, and you my little friend are a butterfly so of course it wants to eat you
Shrignold: *Climbs up on Tony's shoulders* Can't get me up here
Tony: Get off me
Shrignold: No
Paige: Did you bring us here because we thwarted your plan?
Jeff Goldblum: No I can't do that you guys did that on your own, I on the other hand got here on purpose and it's great and y'know what? if it wasn't for you guys thwarting my plan I never would have ended up here so because of that I'll tell you that clipping through the corner on your right will take you to another level, good luck with that
Tony: Why should we trust-
Paige: HERE I GO *Falls into the corner and clips through*
Tony: PAIGE WAIT *Jumps into the corner and clips through*
*The three fly out of a wall and into a door which opens with the force of three people hitting it*
Tony: My fucking nose
Colin: Tony?
Tony: Huh?
*The three are on an indoor balcony three floors up and see Colin and Butch down below*
Tony: Colin!
Paige: Oh hey more people
Tony: Quick Shrignold fly down-
Shrignold: I can't
Tony: What?
Shrignold: I was in a pool
Tony: And?
Shrignold: My wings are wet
Tony: And?
Colin: Butterflies can't fly when their wings are wet!
Shrignold: Exactly
Tony: Okay fine you can come with us
Shrignold: Nice
*After looking around a lot they finally find a way down and approach the others, out of pure happiness Colin runs up and hugs Tony*
Tony: Oh wow uh
Colin: *Quickly backs away* Sorry! that was weird of me
Tony: Oh no it was fine
Colin: Are you sure?
Tony: Yeah you should do that more often! well uh I mean only if you wan-
Butch: Hey hate to interrupt this little reunion but have any of you seen Candice?
Shrignold: I have!
Butch: Is she ok?
Shrignold: Yeah she's with Larry
Butch: Oh great
Shrignold: No he's been here before several times, he knows how everything works and I have full confidence that they're both fine

*Meanwhile*
*Larry and Candice are in the town level at night time being chased by animations screaming*
Candice: WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?
Larry: MANHOLE
Candice: WHAT
Larry: LOOK FOR A MANHOLE
Candice: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH STREETS AND I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE
Larry: THIS PLACE IS REALLY WEIRD
Candice: WHY DIDN'T WE JUST GO TO THE CASTLE
Larry: BECAUSE THE KING IS REALLY MEAN
Candice: CAN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS
Larry: YES IT CAN HE THROWS BLUE TOWELS
Candice: WHAT
Larry: I MEAN FOXES
Candice: HE THROWS BLUE FOXES!?
Larry: I DON'T KNOW I'M DRUNK AND PANIKING
Candice: I SEE A MANHOLE
Larry: JUMP IN
*They are both screaming*

*Meanwhile Tony opens a metal door which leads to a snowy forest*
Tony: Ughhhh this place is making me sad mad
Paige: Sad mad?
Tony: Y'know like...what's a word that's a mix between sad and mad?
Colin: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Paige: Smad
Tony: *Nods* I am very smad *he takes off his jacket and hands it to Colin*
Colin: What's this for?
Tony: If you get too cold you shut down remember?
Colin: But what about you?
Tony: I'll be fine just take it
Colin: *Takes the jacket* Thank you
*The group enter the forest*
Paige: It's kinda nice
Butch: Yeah almost looks like we escaped
Colin: I'm homesick
Tony: I'm not because my home is right here
Paige: In the forest?
Tony: No I'm talking about you guys
Shrignold: Aww that's really-
Tony: Not you Shrignold
Shrignold Haha ok
Butch: Oh so THAT'S why you and Colin get along so well
Tony: What do you mean?
Butch: You're both really mean
Colin: No we're not
Butch: All you did when we were in that tunnel was insult me
Tony: Nice
Butch: No it's not
Paige: Oh hahaha look a door
Tony: So it is, let's hope whatever is behind it is better
*Tony opens the door to a dark empty garage area*
Tony: I was wrong
*They all walk in*
Shrignold: Larry said if we walk far enough we should be able to find our way back
Tony: Well then I hope he's right
*The group suddenly hear noises coming from the vent above them, they look up and suddenly Larry and Candice fall out and land on them*
Butch: CANDICE
Candice: BUTCH
*They hug*
Larry: SHRIGNOLD I THOUGHT YOU DIED
Shrignold: I fell through the floor
Larry: I forgot that could happen, okay new plan everyone choose a buddy and grab that buddy (not innapropriatly) and NEVER LET GO because being along here SUCKS *Grabs Shrignolds hand* Okay you're mine and uh someone can have two cus we're an odd number *looks into the garage, the lights go off and it's full of smiling faces and then they turn back on and they're gone* Ah this level
Butch: I've seen them before
Larry: Yeah they're called smilers
Paige: What an uncreateive name
Tony: Are they hostile?
Larry: Yes and no *turns* hey Colin can you turn your screen off?
Colin: Only to go into sleep mode
Larry: Alrighty then, you might die
Colin: What
Larry: They attack light sources so to not die you gotta run all the way across this room in four seconds WITH YOUR BUDDY
Colin: What about you? you're literally a lamp
Larry: Yeah but I can do this *takes out his light bulb*
Colin: Of course you can do that
Tony: Right then, I volunteer
Colin: Are you sure?
Tony: Yeah, we can make it, we just have to time it perfectly and then run like hell *Offers his hand* So none of us fall through the floor
Colin: Yeah *takes his hand and then smoke starts coming out of the sides of his head*
Tony: You okay?
Colin: Haha yeah just nervous
Tony: Me too pal
*The two wait for the lights to turn on and run as fast as the can, the JUST make it to the other side when the lights turn off*
Paige: Yeah they made it!
*The group cheer for them and they are both very out of breath*
Colin: Huh you were right
Tony: Of course I was
*The others arrive*
Shrignold: How many times is my life gonna flash before my eyes and why don't I remember doing most of it
Paige: *Stops being Candice's and Butchs buddy and joins Tony and Colins* I changed my mind I think they're kinda cute in a weird creepy way
Larry: Well I can put this back in now *Puts his bulb back in*
*They round a corner and there's a giant fucking moth on the wall*
Larry: Huh
Tony: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
Paige: A friend!
*The giant moth attacks*
Candice: SHRIGNOLD DO SOMETHING
Shrignold: LIKE WHAT?
Candice: MOTHS ARE JUST EDGY BUTTERFLIES TAKE IT TO BLUE BANANA OR SOMETHING
*The group duck and open one of the doors, getting inside and shutting it, they are now in a library*
Tony: Ah a library with no books...I'm smad again
*They start to cautiously move forward when they see a big ol stickman, they try to run but there is too many of them and now they are cornered*
Butch: What do we do now!?
Paige: Don't worry guys I got this
Tony: Paige no
Paige: *Starts doing the distraction dance*
*The creatures stare at them for a moment and then join in*
Tony: What
Larry: Okay then *joins in* does anyone see a dark patch of the wall?
Colin: Yeah there's one over there
Larry: Great! let's run
*They all run for the wall while the creatures are distracted and clip through, they find themselves in a field with birds chirping and cars driving past*
Larry: WE'RE BACK
Paige: I can't believe that worked
Shrignold: Wait really we're actually back now?
Larry: Yep
Butch: FINALLY
Candice: That was kinda fun
Butch: How
Candice: We got chased by a giant killer teddy bear
Shrignold: I'm going to have nightmares for weeks
Larry: You should sleep over some time then I'll chase em all away for ya
Colin: Also I found this while we were in there *is holding a bike*
Tony: THAT'S MY BIKE
Colin: Yeah turns out it wasn't stolen at all
Butch: Where were you keeping that?
Colin: Don't worry about it
Tony: *Hugging the bike* COLIN I FUCKING LOVE YOU
Colin: Haha cool *screaming internally*
*They go home*
*Everyone is relaxing and trying not to think about the near death experience, Butch and Candice are in the kitchen cooking as usual, Colin walks in*
Colin: Hey Candice can I talk to you for a moment?
Candice: Yeah sure
*Butch squints suspiciously at them as they leave*
Candice: So what's up?
Colin: Um I hugged Tony
Candice: You WHAT
Colin: LISTEN I WAS VERY STRESSED AND SEEING HIM JUST MADE IT ALL MELT AWAY I DIDN'T MEAN TO
Candice: How did he react?
Colin: Uh he said it was um nice and I should....do it more often
Candice: Well that's a good sign!
Colin: Do you think it would be weird if I kept hugging him though?
Candice: Have you seen Paige or Shrignold or Larry? they're all huggers, hugging your friends it normal so no I don't think it would be weird, just be casual about it
Colin: Right got it, be casual
Candice: Super cas
Colin: Super cas

Chapter Text

Larry: Heyy wanna see something funny?
Paige: Of course
Larry: *Runs over to Candice and grabs her hat* I've turned to crime
Candice: Give it back
Larry: Haha nope *puts it on* it looks better on me
Candice: GIVE IT *Tries to grab him*
Larry: *Jumps back and falls down the stairs* Oops
Candice: You good?
Larry: Nah I can see the bone coming out of my leg, can one of you call me an ambulance?
Paige: You're an ambulance!
Larry: Hahahahahahahaha!
Paige: Hahahahahahahahaha!
Larry: Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Candice: GUYS PLEASE
Tony: What the hell happened in here
Paige: Larry fell down the stairs
Tony: Yes I can see that, doesn't seem to be in any pain though
Larry: Nah I'm just too drunk to notice haha
Candice: The ambulance is on it's way
Paige: Ooooh you bled on the carpet! Nice colour of blood
Larry: Awww thanks!

*Hospital*
Tony: How did you even manage to do this?
Candice: He grabbed my hat and tried to run away with it and wasn't looking where he was going
Tony:
Tony: I know I made a joke about me being the only one in the house with brain cells but I think it's true
Larry: Daaaamn Tony, Nintendo let's you have TWO braincells?
Candice: Come on that's rude he has at least three
Larry: Oh sorry my bad
Doctor: *Walks in* Hey so we're just waiting on your x-ray-
Larry: Wait what? I've never dated anyone named Ray
Doctor:
Doctor: And we might do a brain scan as well

*Wow back home*
*Larry is lying on the couch, his broken leg is in a cast and sitting on a pillow*
Paige: I love how everyone in this house has fallen down the stairs at least once
Candice: How is Larry the last to do so
Larry: Wait everyone?
Paige: Yeah
Larry: TONY FELL DOWN THE STAIRS?
Tony: I thought we agreed to never speak of this again
Larry: Please give me details
Tony: NO
Paige: Back in the day Tony and Colin used to hate each other and would fight constantly and then one time Tony was yelling at him and not paying attention to where he was going and fell down the stairs
Tony: Why would you do this
Larry: TELL ME HOW COLIN FELL DOWN
Colin: It wasn't my fault okay? Paige got my heelies for Christmas
Tony: I mean you did make the decision to wear them in the house
Candice: No one ever broke a bone before though
Larry: Guess I'm just fragile
Butch: *Walks in* Well I heard what happened, you should have asked them to do a brain scan as well so we know why you're so stupid
Larry: Oh um they did and *pause* it turns out I have Ligma
Colin: *Gasps* Oh no I'm so sorry to hear that, how are you coping?
Larry: Just trying to wrap my head around it I guess
Butch: What's Ligma?
Larry: LIGMA BALLS
*Larry and Colin make finger guns at each other*
Butch: I am THIS CLOSE to giving you another broken leg
Warren: Ok stop! threatening violence on another person is a horrible thing to do and is a sure fire way of pushing them away
Butch:
Butch: Who the fuck are you?
Warren: I'm Warren the Eagle! fully qualified friendship expert
Paige: Friendship expert?
Tony: Oh God it's Shrignold 2.0
Colin: Why are you here?
Warren: Because SOMEONE *Looks at Butch* was being a bad friend
Butch: *Is offended*
Candice: Look pal you don't want to go down this route
Warren: PAL!? *clears throat* Uh yes as your pal I am here to help because that is what pals do
Candice: Don't take that literally I call everyone pal
Larry: You called me stupid head yesterday
Candice: You are a stupid head
Warren: OH insults? looks like you're a bad friend too!
Candice: No I insult affectionately
Warren: That's not a thing
Candice: Yes it is
Warren: No it isn't
Butch: Oh wow would you look at that! Frank just texted me asking for help moving some heavy furniture, very cool a reason to leave this situation
Paige: I'll come with you
Tony: I will also come with you
Colin: And so will I
Butch: Candice you coming?
Candice: Nah we can't leave Larry alone he'll set the place on fire
Larry: Oh come on that was one time
Butch: Aight then, you have my number if there's an emergency
*The four leave*
Warren: Wow just three of us now! we can listen to my podcast
Candice: Get out
Warren: Okay first off, that's rude
Candice: *Picks him up and physically throws him out and then locks the door and closes the curtains*
Larry: Nice
Candice: Thank you
*They hear a noise in the kitchen*
Candice: *Sighs and reaches into her shirt, pulling out an axe*
Larry: WH
*Candice goes into the kitchen, axe at the ready and sees Shrignold who screams*
Shrignold: WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?
Candice: Oh it's just you *closes and locks all the windows* You didn't see a worm out there did you?
Shrignold: Noo???
Candice: Ok good
Larry: Shrigziiiieeee I can hear you come here
Shrignold: Oh Larry's awake? *goes into the living room* WHAT DID YOU DO
Larry: I fell down the stairs and broke my leg it was just like family guy
Shrignold: Is there anything I can do to help?
Larry: Yeah I'm super bored, wanna roleplay Ratatouille?

Paige: Yeah last item! man that was exhausting
Colin: You spent the entire time playing with a ribbon
Paige: Haha I know! and I found another one *is now playing with two ribbons*
Tony: You guys wanna maybe help us move this couch?
Colin: Yep
Paige: How you gonna get it down all those stairs?
Frank: Take the lift
Tony: THERE'S A LIFT!?
Frank: Yeah I don't use it cus I'm claustrophobic but you guys probably should
*They move the couch into the lift*
Frank: Cool I'll see you downstairs *he takes the stairs*
*The doors close*
Butch: Right I'll send Candice a quick text to see how things are going
Tony: Well Larry's stuck on the couch all day so can't be much happening
Butch: Huh so Shrignold showed up
Tony: Of course he did
Butch: And him and Larry started doing a Ratatouille roleplay which evolved into a.....what the hell is DoofenPerry?
Colin: I have never been happier to be out of the house
Paige: What's DoofenPerry, Colin?
Tony: Tell them Colin
Colin: Oh haha look it's our floor
*The doors open and it's a field*
*Pause*
Colin: What
Paige: I don't think this is our floor
Butch: *Pressing buttons* Hm it stopped working
Tony: We better not be back in those Backrooms
Colin: You fall into those right?
Paige: This is so cool *walks out*
Tony: Paige wait, you don't know what's in here what if it's something dangerous?
Paige: How exciting *runs off*
Tony: PAIGE *Follows them*
Colin: *Follows Tony*
Butch: WHAT ABOUT THE COUCH!? ugh *follows*
Paige: Hmm looks just like a normal forest
Tony: For now
Colin: I don't have internet connection
Butch: And I have no signal so if our house burns down we wont know about it
Paige: It's not going to burn down
*A group of badly drawn children run past them screaming "he's coming!"*
Butch: The hell was that about?
*Distant sound of a horse neighing*
Colin: We should hide
*The four hide behind tree roots like that scene in lord of the rings and see the headless horseman ride by*
Tony: What kind of place is this?
Sans: Sup
Papyrus: Hello!
Butch: SKELETONS!?
Paige: Cool!
Tony: Sans Undertale!?
Colin: You know him?
Tony: Yeah we met and the um
Sans: The tumblr sexyman poll
Butch: The what
Sans: Eh we all gathered and people voted on whose the sexiest
Colin: This is the first I'm hearing of it
Tony: Yeah that's because I didn't tell you
Sans: He lost
Colin: You WHAT
Tony: Yeah
Colin: Who won?
Tony: *Points at Sans*
Colin: HOW DID YOU LOSE TO THIS THING!?
Sans: Rude
Tony: I wasn't even up against him
Sans: Haha he lost the first round
Colin: ARE PEOPLE FUCKING BLIND!?
Sans: You're very passionate about this
Colin: I have a very strong sense of justice
Tony: Can we stop talking about this now
Butch: Yeah how about instead we discuss how to get out of here?
Sans: Oh you need the cards for that
Butch: The what?
Sans: You need five cards to get the lift working again *takes a card out of his pocket* I already have one so now we just need four
Tony: Great! where are they?
Sans: In the big spooky castle
Tony: Okay then let's go! Paige-
Paige: Wait I'm nearly done
*Papyrus is in a heroic stance and Paige is drawing him*
Paige: And done! *Shows Papyrus* what do you think?
Papyrus: Ooh amazing! Sans look!
Sans: Yep looks great
*They start walking*
Sans: *Walks beside Tony* Heyyy looks like time is on my side
Papyrus: Sans no
Sans: *Grabs his hand* I've got time on my hands
Tony: I had to put up with this shit for two days, it doesn't even bother me anymore
Colin: *Leans on Tony* I'm on time!
Tony: Colin I trusted you
Paige: *Covers their eyes and reaches out to Tony but misses* I just can't find the time
Tony: Paige you too?
Sans: *Uses his powers to lift Tony into the air* Time flies
Tony: PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW
Paige: Haha look at him go
Papyrus: SANS STOP IT
Colin: Is this why everyone voted for him?
Tony: Most likely yes
Paige: Hey is that the castle?
*They all look and they're right beside the spooky castle*
Sans: Yeah that's it *drops Tony who falls to the ground*
Colin: You good?
Tony: I hate skeletons
Papyrus: Do not worry everyone I will protect you all from whatever is in there!
Paige: I love this guy! wanna be best friends?
Papyrus: Eeeee I would love to!
*The two jump around*
Colin: At least one of us is enjoying ourselves
*They go inside*
*A ghost shows up*
Spooky: Hello I am Spooky, and this is my home, can you all make it through and find what you seek? is what you seek even here? because I have no idea what you're actually looking for, but anyway just go *disappears*
Butch: Huh
Papyrus: THAT'S what we're up against? this'll be easy
Paige: I hope the castle is full of monsters
Papyrus: Same!
Sans: I don't think we can do this
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: I dunno bro I just don't think we have a GHOST of a chance
*Pause*
Tony: I hope the ones at home are having a better time than us

*Meanwhile Larry and Shrignold are both lying on the couch staring at the ceiling*
Larry: Who does not love a good mac'n cheese? everybody loves mac'n cheese, chicken alfredo? mac'n cheese, fuckin lasagne? mac'n cheese put some meat in it, it's all mac'n cheese dude, rigatoni? well that's just a noodle but if you put cheese on it then it becomes mac'n cheese do you see where I'm going with this?
Shrignold: Huh I had no idea how many mac'n cheeses existed in the world
Larry: I have even more than that
Candice: No one's responding to my texts
Larry: They're moving tables n stuff remember?
Candice: They were on the last item an hour ago
Larry: Maybe they got pizza or something
Shrignold: Maybe they have no signal?
Candice: Hmm maybe

*Back we go*
*A cardboard cut out of a coffee cup jumps out*
Tony & Colin: *Screams*
Paige: Guys it's a cartoon coffee cup are you okay?
Colin: We are very on edge
Sans: I'd be more on edge about that *points at a green bleugh on the floor*
Papyrus: Does someone have a cold?
Colin: Better a cold than tickets to the Backstreet Boys reunion tour
Papyrus: What
*A dude made of the green bleugh appears*
Paige: Ewww that is way too much green *cuts it in half with a pencil*
Tony: Nice one!
*It reforms*
Tony: Nevermind!
Papyrus: Oooh! we should zap it! I'LL MAKE A PUZZLE
Tony: No time! *looks at Colin*
Colin: Ugh fine but if this goes wrong I'm blaming you *he takes off his glove revealing his creepy wire hands and zaps it, it explodes and goes everywhere (Mostly on Colin and Tony)* OH NO IT ALL WENT WRONG
Paige: Haha good thing I was standing behind you and I am very small, thanks for shielding me friends
Colin: *Turns to Tony* We got rid of it but at what cost?
Tony: This is what it feels like to be on Nickelodeon
Papyrus: Oh hey look *picks up a card and wipes some slime off* we have another card!
Sans: Heck yeah only three to go now
*They go into another room and find themselves in a very dark school like environment*
Paige: I can't see anything in here and I forgot my light up shoes
Colin: Hold on *turns his screen brightness up* Huh a school
Tony: Ugh bad memories
Butch: Didn't you have an emo phase?
Tony: SHUT UP
Papyrus: I hope there isn't any ghosts in here
Sans: Hey
Papyrus: No
Sans: Hey
Papyrus: NO
Sans: What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
Papyrus:
Sans: Keep your eyes on the board while I go through it again
Papyrus: I am so sorry about him
Sans: What do you call a ghost in the fireplace?
Papyrus: STOP
Sans: A toasty ghosty
Tony: GUYS THERE'S A GHOST
*They all look and see a typical Japanese ghost with the long black hair and white dress kinda deal*
Sans: It's find I got this *picks up a table with his powers and throws it and her but it goes right through and hits a wall* I was wrong
Butch: RUN
*They run into the next room which has a big pit they have to get around and then they look back and see the ghost just floating over it*
Butch: SHE CAN GET OVER PITS?
Colin: Yes Butch it's called being a FUCKING GHOST
*They run into another room and don't see her*
Sans: That was fun
Paige: Wait what I didn't see you running with us
Sans: Eh I don't run I just teleport
Tony: Of course
Sans: See this is why people voted for me
Colin: Someone definitely bought votes
Sans: Why are you in denial
Colin: Because you're like four foot tall, have no skin, make puns about everything and drink ketchup from a bottle yet you still won
Papyrus: What is a tumbler sexy man?
Sans: Don't worry about it bro
Tony: *Sighs* Let's just keep going *sees Paige drawing in their sketchbook* what are you drawing there dear?
Paige: Her
Tony: *Looks up and sees the ghost just chillen there* OH SH-

*Back at home*
Candice: Okay I'm gonna go see what's going on, both of you don't do anything stupid ok?
Larry: Don't worry we'll be fine
Shrignold: Exactly
Candice: *Squints her eyes at them before leaving*
Larry: I'm hungry, you know how to cook?
Shrignold: Nope
Larry: Don't worry I'm a pro, I'll walk you through it

Colin: We have been walking FOR THIRTY HOURS
Tony: It's not been that long you're being dramatic
Paige: Hey what's that clicking noise
*Big ass millipede crawls out of a hole in the ceiling*
Millipede: Heyyy guys wanna hear my song?
*Pause*
Papyrus: Oh a new friend!
Paige: Please sing for us!
Millipede: Ahah alright here I go *clears throat*
Millipede: *Starts singing* I am a Millipede, I am amazing! I command you to gaze upon my face! You'll never find someone charming as I am, I am the swankiest bug in this place! I'm a star, I'm a God, and I'm a thing to behold. There is none a resplendent as I! With my sleek little legs and my three hundred eggs, or my majesty none can deny
Millipede: Because I am a Millipede, I am mysterious. When I vanish I never leave a trace! You will not find a bug with such illusions, I'm a creature of fathomless grace!
Bunch of tiny bug on the wall: Millipede needs a lord, Millipede needs contour, Millipede needs grand-shore, Millipede needs saviour, Millipede needs mature, Millipede needs so pure, Millipede needs the cure for all of userbreeds
Millipede: I am a Millipede, I am a champion. No one else in the universe keeps pace. You'll never find someone quite so enchanting, while I'm here there's just no second place. I'm an idol, a king, I'm an object of awe. There is none such as gleaming as I! I've got glamour to spare you, right when you stare. I'm the who, what, when where and why!
Millipede: I am a millipede, I am astounding, wisdom flows through my persivich like lace! you'll never find someone as darling as I am I'm the swankiest, to the tutelary pest, certainly the best dressed bug in this place! *Explodes*
*They applaud*
Colin: That was incredibly disturbing
Papyrus: *Wipes away a tear* It was so beautiful
Butch: *Picks up a card* Oh hey look
Paige: Did you just rob a corpse
Sans: Nah it's just borrowing
Paige: Oh okay
*They go into the next room and it's a weird creepy tomb*
Colin: Tony
Tony: Yeah?
Colin: I'm smad
Tony: Same
*Weird ass puppeteer man shows up*
Paige: Oh cute! Imma draw this *takes out their sketchbook and starts drawing
Sans: Is it just gonna stand there and look at us?
Tony: We don't have time for this *Picks Paige up over his shoulder so they can still see it while they walk away*
Paige: Oh come on I looked away for one second and it's moved, now I have to start again
*They all look back and it has indeed moved*
Tony: Wait I've seen this episode of Doctor Who, it moves when we look away or blink
Colin: Good thing we have two skeletons who don't have eyelids
Sans: *Blinks*
Colin:
Colin: How does that even work
Papyrus: We'll be fine as long as the room stays lit!
*The lights go out*
Papyrus: That's fine
Tony: It's fine we have Colin, he's great his screen provides light
*Colins screen flickers*
Butch: COLIN WHAT THE FUCK
Colin: I'M NERVOUS
Papyrus: I will deal with this! *makes bones come up from the floor and impales it*
Paige: *Claps*
Papyrus: Thank you!
*Colins screen flickers again and it's moved out of the bones*
Papyrus: Well that did nothing
Butch: Wait why are we freaking out? *takes a big af knife out of his pocket*
Tony: Do you just always have that on you?
Butch: Well duh *He goes up and chops it up* Oh look a card *picks it up and turns around* one more to go *gets stabbed in the leg cus it can still move* OUCH WHAT THE *Turns around* You little bitch *stomps on it*
Sans: It said "knife to meet you"
Tony: *To Papyrus* Highly contemplating making you an only child
Papyrus: Highly contemplating WHAT
Tony: Anyway, shall we?
*They go into the next room and it looks like they're in hell*
Colin: I wanna go back to the creepy puppet room
*A bunch of red skeletons emerge an attack*
Papyrus: *Summons bones to impale them* YES IT WORKED FINALLY
Sans: *Picks up the skeletons and throws them around the room*
Paige: Should we help or
Sans: Nah you guys stay there and let the pros handle it
Paige: Nice
Tony: I hate them both
Sans: Wow look at that we handled that in less than a minute
Papyrus: WE'RE AWESOME
*Very very big skeleton emerges*
Tony: Okay handle that now
Sans: No you do it
Tony: WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO!?
Sans: Use your sword
Tony: What sword!?
Sans: The one you're always holding in pictures
Tony: That is for aesthetic purposes only
Sans: You're kidding right?
Colin: Well we're gonna die
Butch: Last words?
Papyrus: SPAGHETTI
Butch: ASPIC
Colin: Tony I-
Tony: PAIGE I LOVE YOU
Paige: Thanks!
*Suddenly Candice jumps out in front of them, she runs towards the giant skeleton, grabbing its toe and breaking it which kills it and it falls down, dropping a card which she picks up*
Butch: CANDICE YOU SAVED US
Papyrus: Wait how
Candice: You guys really didn't know the weak point to giant monsters is in their toes?
Colin: We did not
Butch: How did you find us?
Candice: You weren't responding to my texts so I got worried and went looking, Frank also didn't know where you went but he told me the last place he saw you all was in the lift
Paige: You got through here on your own?
Candice: What like it's hard?
Butch: *Turns to Sans* MY SIBLING IS COOLER THAN YOURS
Sans: You have made a dangerous enemy today
Paige: Hey we have all the cards now! we can go home!
Papyrus: YAY
*They walk*
Tony: Hey Colin what were you going to say?
Colin: Huh?
Tony: You said my name but I was kinda panicking so I interrupted you, what were you going to say?
Colin:
Colin: Haha I forgot
Tony: Really? you told me you never forget
Colin: OHHEYWESHOULDPROBABLYGETMOVINGJUSTINCASEHUHHAHAHAHAHAHA *Runs off ahead*

*Back at home*
Tony: Ugh finally
Candice: Where did Larry go?
Butch: *Walks into the kitchin* WHAT THE FUCK
Shrignold: Hi Butch :D
Butch: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Larry: Oh we tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now everything is broken
Butch: *Covers his face in frustration*
Candice: I told you both not to do anything stupid
Shrignold: Larry was hungry *To Larry* you told me you were a pro
Larry: Yeeeah I was lying
Butch: Back to the couch NOW

*Later*
Shrignold: I can't believe you would do this to me
Butch: What did he do?
Shrignold: HE TOLD ME PERRY WAS A GIRL WE PLANNED A WEDDING FOR TWO MEN
Colin: Perry is a Platypus
Shrignold: THAT'S EVEN WORSE
Tony: What the hell happened while we were out
Larry: I love cursed ships they're so funny
Shrignold: You're tearing me apart Larry
Butch: Is them both being guys an issue?
Shrignold: Of course it is, HE'S made for HER, SHE'S made for HIM
Butch: Hold on, hold on you tried to get me and Frank together
Colin: Frank and I
Shrignold: Haha yeeeah sometimes I get way too excited when I find out someone loves someone else I completely forget the rules! but don't worry, Malcolm dealt with me accordingly *smiles*
Candice: Uhh are you okay?
Shrignold: I'm always okay
Paige: Hey Tony can I speak to you?
Tony: Sure!
*They go into another room, Paige is silent for a moment*
Tony: What's the matter my dear?
Paige: Umm *pause* can we go back to being best friends?
*Pause*
Tony: What?
Paige: It's just *pause* I'm very confused, we're so close and then you ask me out and I said yes because that's what you're suppose to do in that situation, but...I don't know I asked Shrignold how I'm suppose to feel...
Tony: What did he say?
Paige: Fluttering in chest, warm face, not being able to stop thinking about them, that kinda stuff
Tony: And you don't feel any of that?
Paige: Nope, though thinking about it I don't think I ever have...I need to take some time to learn more about myself
Tony: Well if that's what you want to do
Paige: And you're okay with this?
Tony: Of course I am, I'm happy when you're happy
Paige: Thanks, you're the best
Tony: No problem m- Paige

*Ten minutes later*
Colin: *Opens the door to the cupboard under the stairs and sees Tony curled up in a ball crying, he get's inside, closes the door and sits down beside him* What happened?
Tony: We broke up
Colin: Ah, I'm sorry to hear that do you want to talk about it?
Tony: *Sighs* They wanted some time to learn more about themselves...they never even felt all the wonderful things I felt for them *crying*
Colin: Come on man bring it in *pulls him into a hug* there you go there's my special guy
Tony: *Crying*
Colin: It's gonna be okay
Tony: *Incoherent mumbling*
Colin: Just let it out
Tony: They said they never even had feelings for me *More Incoherent mumbling*
Colin: It's gonna be alright, I'll get you a pizza if you want
Tony: *Sniff* That would be nice
*They stay like that for a little while before Tony pulls away and wipes his eyes*
Tony: I had a thought
Colin: Do share
Tony: We come in here a lot
Colin: Yeah it's nice and quiet
Tony: We should decorate it a little, make it a safe space we can take each other to, a calming spot
Colin: That sounds great, can we get bean bag chairs?
Tony: For sure
*They hear crying outside the door, they open it and see Shrignold stood there*
Colin: What are you doing?
Shrignold: I heard everything and...MY SHIP SUNK *Falls to the floor crying*
Tony: Why are YOU crying?
Shrignold: BECAUSE YOU WERE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER
Tony: I knoooow *falls to the floor crying*
Colin: Oh boy

Chapter Text

Whilst out on their morning walk as they do every mornings Paige heard a strange sound coming from the bushes, with curiosity they peeked over and saw some kind of odd gremlin like creature so like any rational thinking person they picked it up and took it home.
Paige: Hey guys I had a baby
Tony: You what now *He walks closer to see what the hell they were talking about and saw the weird gremlin baby* Uhh Paige what is this *Gestures vaguely* thing?
Colin: Oooh looks like a hell spawn
Paige: Hey don't call Sky that
Tony: Sky?
Paige: Yes, I named it Sky because it is blue like the sky, blue is a nice colour
*The weird af gremlin baby Sky yawns and while it does a large blue tongue sticks out before going back in*
Tony:
Colin: I shall have nightmares for days now, thank you
Tony: Colin is there anything on the web that looks like this?
Colin: Nothing that really exists..hm..it does look a bit like an Irken with the pink eyes but...nah ha ha I'm sure that means nothing
Butch: Heyy what's all the hub bub bud? *He walks over behind Paige and leans over to them to see what they're looking at cus he's tall as fuck* Hmm yes I see, now how will I cook this?
Paige: *GASP* Do not cook my weird genderless child
Butch: Ohh it's yours? well okay, congratulations *He puts a hand on their shoulder and another on Colins*
Colin: DON'T TOUCH ME *Goes ape shit and starts flailing*
Butch: Haha look at him go
Tony: *Trying his best to pull Colin to the other side of the room to calm him down* Why the hell are you like this!? you stupid piece of meat
Paige: Colin calm down you'll scare the baby
*Candice enters the room to see what all the noise is about and sees Colin steaming with red eyes*
Candice: Butch why are you being a dick
Butch: Ha ha he's like a baby throwing a tantrum
Colin: I AM NOT
Candice: Jesus, no wonder you two get along so well, you've both got anger problems
Tony: NO WE DON'T
Candice Uh huh yep
Paige: Candy loooook you're an Aunty
Candice: I'm a wh- *Sees baby* What the hell is that thing
Paige: My cute creative child, I named it Sky
Candice: Where did you even find this thing?
Paige: I was walking through a forest pouring ink over the trees and it was sitting there calling out to me
Candice: Please stop ruining nature
Paige: Huh? Oh I wasn't! isn't that right To- *Sees Tony and Colin pouting in a corner* Um.. you guys alright?
Tony: We're.....fine
Colin: Do we really....have anger problems?
Paige: Um
Butch: Heyyy your baby looks tired, how about you put it to bed?
Paige: Ooh good call Butch, I'm going to sing it a lullaby *Runs up the stairs*
Butch: Man I cannot WAIT to teach this thing about healthy food
Candice: Yeah me too
Tony: You're not suggesting we keep this thing are you?
Butch: Think about it Tony, you can teach it to tell time
Tony: Well....I do like the sound of that
Butch: And Colin, you can teach it all about the digital world
Colin: A long as it doesn't touch me
Butch: *Smiles* I'm glad we all agree *Turns around* And now it's time for more cooking *He starts walking to the kitchen*
Candice: What a great idea! *She follows*
Paige: *Slides down the banister* Sky is now asleep!
Tony: Excellent job
Paige: Thank you! *pause* Oh do you hear that? a familiar voice *goes to the kitchen*
Tony: What voi- *hears it*
*Tony and Colin cringe*
Colin: Why has God forsaken us?

*Kitchen*
Shrignold: A baby you say?
Paige: Yes! I named it Sky after the big blue sky
Shrignold: Hmm that's short, might be hard to put a Shrig before that
Tony: *Bangs hands on table* You are NOT taking the baby to your damn love cult!
Shrignold: It's not a cult! it's-
Tony: Yeah I know it's an "organization that promotes love" I don't care
*Shrignold glares*
Larry: *Standing in the doorway behind them* Hey guys
Tony: *Puts his face in his hands* And we woke up Larry, great
Larry: You didn't I heard some weird noise from downstairs so I went down and I saw it was coming from Paige's room so I went in and saw a thingy on the ceiling
*Silence*
*Paige stands up quickly and darts out of the room followed by Tony and Colin*
Larry: Hey did you hide my beer again?
Butch: *Folds his arms looking unamused* Yes I did
Larry: Dick move bro
Butch: It makes your teeth go grey you IDIOT
Larry: No need to yell man I'm just up

*Upstairs*
Paige: *Opens their bedroom door and sees the baby on the ceiling* TONYYYY
Tony: YES I'M HERE WHAT'S WRO- *sees* Oh that's not normal
Colin: I am struggling to process this
Larry: *Walks in* Oh nice I was right
Tony: Larry how the hell are you so calm about this?
Larry: Eh I had a dream about this once
*Butch and Candice finally join*
Butch: You actually were telling the truth
Larry: I do that quite a lot you people are always surprised
Tony: Look we can quote Pirates of the Caribbean later but for now- WHERE IS SHRIGNOLD?
Candice: Downstairs
Tony: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING DOWNSTAIRS? *He goes down to get him*
*Paige takes a blanket off their bed and holds it, Colin holds the other end in case it falls*
Paige: Do babies so this? or?
Colin: I can guarantee you babies do not do this
*Tony drags Shrignold in*
Shrignold: Hey don't drag *sees* THAT'S the baby?
Paige: Yes! isn't it beautiful?
Shrignold: I wouldn't use beautiful
Tony: Go get it
Shrignold: Why?
Tony: Because you can fly and I'll slap you if you don't
Shrignold: Okay okay geez *He flies up and takes it off the ceiling, keeping it at an arms length and quickly hands it to Paige*
Shrignold: It's freaking me out
Candice: Wuss
Paige: Aww little Sky how did you get on the ceiling?
Larry: It's a baby Paige it can't talk

*BACK DOWNSTAIRS*
Candice: Does anyone here actually know how to look after a baby?
Shrignold: You like rock it and feed it right?
Tony: *sighs* Who's idea was it to keep this thing again?
Candice: *Points at Butch*
Butch: *Smiles awkwardly* I'm teach deprived, okay? we could teach it when it gets older
Larry: Ha if it survives that long
*Butch gives him a knock on the back of his head making his lampshade fall forward over his eyes*
Larry: What was that for?
Butch: No baby death jokes
Colin: If we do end up keeping it, keep Larry away from it
Larry: Why?
Colin: Can't have idiots around a baby
*Tony smirks*
Larry: Nonsense! I'm great with kids
Candice: Ha
Butch: Haha!
Shrignold: Hey what do babies eat?
*Silence*
Paige: Baby food?
Shrignold: Yeah but what kind?
Colin: Hold on I'll search it up on the web
Tony: Yeah good idea
*SOME BABY TUTORIALS LATER*
Butch: I forgot nappies existed
Candice: Ugh gross
Colin: I changed my mind Larry can go near it
Larry: Oh come ON
Butch: *Laugh* Ahhh Colin sometimes I like you
Colin: And I will always hate you
Tony: Guys please
*Sky starts crying*
Paige: Um Colin?
Colin: What I already told you everything
Paige: What does crying mean?
Colin: Crying can either mean it is tired, hungry, needs a change, unwell or just because
Candice: *Jumps up* Did someone say hungry?
Colin: Yes me, just there
Butch: *Also jumps up* That's our calling!
*The two run off to the kitchen*
Tony: Just remember it's a baby! so nothing too big!
Larry: Imma go watch them cook
Shrignold: *Puts his hands on each side of his face* He's going to watch his special one do what she loves! it's so romantic
*Tony sighs in annoyance*
Shrignold: Huh that things still crying, how do you get it to stop?
Tony: If I knew I would do it
Paige: Tony please calm down
Tony: I AM CALM
Colin: Yeah that's what calm sounds like
*Tony puts both hands together and places them in front of his mouth, taking some deep breaths*
Tony: Okay I am calm I am...GOING TO KILL THIS BABY IF IT DOESN'T SHUT UP
*Colin grabs Tony's arm and starts dragging him out of the room*
Colin: Off to the calming spot we goo *sing song voice*
Shrignold: They have a calming spot?
Paige: Yeah it's new

*TIME SKIP TO THE KITCHEN*
Butch: Thank you all for joining me on this wonderful evening
Candice: We hope you all enjoy!
*Reveals a big af weird looking meal*
Tony: Do you people actually listen to a word I say?
Butch: Huh?
Tony: How is a baby supposed to eat all this!?
Butch: *Begins cutting into the thing that kinda resembles a chicken* Depends on how big the kids appetite is
Tony: I AM DONE
Colin: Yes, I am also done
*Larry slides in*
Larry: Heyyy what'd I miss? *Takes his seat next to Shrignold*
Paige: Hi Larry where were you? I thought you were watching?
Larry: I was but then meat man threw a knife at me *laughs a bit*
Tony: I honestly do not blame him
Larry: I got this while I was out *takes a baby bottle and small box of milk out of a bag*
*Everyone stares*
Shrignold: How
*Larry takes the lid off and pours the milk in, puts the lid back on and passes the bottle to Paige who feeds the baby, Tony feels the stress caused by the babies crying lifting off him*
Larry: I'm like the smartest person in the house
Colin: *Offended* Excuse you I'm the smartest person in the house I know everything
Candice: You just look up answers on the internet though
Colin: I dare you to say that to my face
Candice: I just did?
Colin: Knew you weren't brave enough
Butch: Any-way let's eat
*They EAT*
*Larry had a very long straw going into his mouth from something under the table*
Butch: Larry what are you drinking there?
Larry: Water
Butch: Brown water? are you drinking from the sewers?
Larry: Yep
Butch: You are such a bad liar
Larry: Well no ones perfect *takes a drink*
Butch: Give it
Larry: What are you my dad now?
Butch: Yep
Larry: What
Butch: And I am going to father you more than any father has ever fathered a slightly younger being that isn't even theirs
Larry: Why!?
Butch: Also you're grounded
Larry: Oh ok
Butch: From all that stuff you drink!
Larry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*THE NEXT MORNING*
*Tony stands in the middle of the hallway and starts his alarm, Paige opened their door sleepishly rubbing an eye and yawning*
Tony: Ah Paige good morning to you
Paige: Yes good morning *yawns*
*Larry slept during the day and Colin would wake up when he finished charging so Tony went downstairs to the door that led to the basement which was were Butch and Candice's room was and continued the alarm*
Candice: And there he is *pulls covers over her face*
Butch: It's too early some of us need our beauty sleep
Candice: You might want to add a few hours onto that
Butch: What?
Candice: *Laugh* Just kidding
Butch: Oh yes it's Larry that needs more beauty sleep
Candice: But he's always asleep
Tony: *Punches the door* WAKE UP
Butch: We are awake!
Tony: Then get up! you are needed!
Butch: *Groans* I could poison him if I wanted
Candice: *Finally get's up* You'd miss annoying him
Butch: Very true

*BREAKFAST TIME*
Paige: *Fills a bottle* Ok little Sky, breakfast time!
*Sky opens it's mouth and uses it's weird long tongue to grab the bottle and eat it whole*
*Silence*
Butch: It eats objects now?
Candice: It eats objects now
Colin: I hope it doesn't eat metal
Tony: If it does I'll make sure it doesn't go near you
Colin: *smiley face pops up on his screen* Thank you
Candice: I ship it
Tony: What?
Candice: What?
Tony: *Narrows eyes*
Butch: Cand- *Looks at his arm and sees the baby latching on with razor sharp teeth* AHHH GET IT OFF ME *Waves his arms around until the baby falls off and falls through the air*
*Tony get's up and catches it*
Butch: Ah what the hell?
Candice: I'll grab the first aid kit! *runs out of the room*
Paige: WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
Colin: Oh is the baby alright?
Butch: Hey what about me??
Colin: I'm just so worried about the baby, poor thing I hope it isn't hurt
Candice: *Runs back in* I HAVE IT
Butch: Is it healthy first aid?
Candice: *Nods*
Tony: What the hell is a healthy first aid?
Candice: Um what I'm using now obviously
Tony: And what's an unhealthy first aid?
Candice: Everything else!
Tony: It's the same thing
Candice: We don't have time for this *takes out a bandage* Um I've never done this before, Colin come over here
Colin: But I'm just soooo worried about the baby
Tony: *smiles* The babies fine Colin
Colin: Well alright then *walks over the pushes Candice out of the way and takes the bandage*
Candice: Rude!
Colin: You have to wash it first, here go to the sink
Tony: *talking to Paige* Has the baby ever harmed you?
Paige: Nope! maybe they think of me as a parent now
Tony: Well, maybe
Paige: *carefully takes the baby* I'll take it from here

*Night Time*
*Tony and Colin were sitting on the couch watching TV, Colin noticed Tony's uneasiness*
Colin: Tony are you okay?
Tony: Yeah of course why?
Colin: You look tense, are you worried about Paige?
Tony: *slowly nods* They've been up there for a while and you saw what that thing did to Butch, it could eat them whole
Colin: Maybe you should check on them?
Tony: Yes maybe I should, thank you
*Tony goes upstairs and knocks on Paige's door*
Paige: Hello?
Tony: *small sigh of relief* It's me
Paige: Oh come in!
*Tony opens the door and sees them sitting on the floor with paper all around them, some were blank and some had paintings on them, he noticed the baby was sitting in front of a small easel painting the canvas and on some closer inspection he saw it was painting with some skill*
Tony: How did you-
Paige: I guess they're just a fast learner
Tony: *Turns towards the door* Colin come up here! *turns back to Paige* This is actually amazing, you think I could teach it time?
Paige: I think we could teach it anything
Colin: Yes? what's wrong? *sees the canvas* Did it do that?
Paige: Yeah, smart baby right?
*Colin nods*
Paige: Maybe even smarter than you *giggles*
Colin: *Narrows eyes* Nothing is smarter than me
Paige: I'm only joking around
Tony: *Takes a toy clock out of his inside pocket and kneels beside the baby* Hey uh little thing would you like to learn about time?
Colin: *kneels beside Tony* How are you going to teach it this? I don't think it understands English
Tony: Let's just see, shoe me four o'clock
*Paige and Colin both watched not expecting anything to happen but instead the baby looked down at the clock and used the back of the paintbrush it was using the push the clock hands to the time he told it
Paige: Oh wow it did it!
Tony: *Picks up the baby* Everyone needs to see this!

*Downstairs*
*Butch and Candice both sat on the couch, Colin sat on the armchair beside the couch and Paige stood beside Tony who was standing in front of them with the baby in arms*
Tony: Now everyone you might be wondering why I have gathered you all here today
Paige: Colin and I already know it's just those two who don't
Tony: Yes we are lacking an audience, I'll go get Larry I'm not sure why he isn't up yet *hands Paige the baby*
Butch: Oh c'mon Tony don't do that we'll listen to whatever you have to say just please don't
Tony: I need to show more people this! *starts walking up the stairs* And where is Shrignold today!?
Candice: Maybe he didn't feel like coming over?
Tony: THAT'S NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE
Colin: I thought you didn't like him?
Tony: I don't but he's messing up the routine
*Tony continued walking up the stairs until he reached the top and then walked to the end of the hallway to where the ladder was to the attic which was the room Larry was given to be his, he climbed the ladder and saw Larry sitting up in his bed which was just a mattress in the middle of the floor covered in pillows and blankets, he had many nightlights instead of proper light and the walls and ceiling were both covered in glow in the dark stars*
Tony: Larry!
Larry: *Jumps and quickly hides something under a blanket* Hi Tony what are you doing?
*Tony walks over bending down cus the ceiling was low*
Tony: You're drinking again aren't you?
Larry: No I was sleeping I don't do that!
Tony: Look I'm not going to scold you, I'm not Butch just come with me
*Larry smiled and nodded, he crawled over after Tony and started climbing down the ladder, as Tony was walking he heard a thud and Larry was on the ground*
Larry: That was intenal-inten- that was meant!
Tony: I really don't understand why some people find you amusing
*They finally get downstairs*
*Larry sits beside Candice and does finger guns*
Larry: Eyyyyyyy
Tony: AHEM *Pause* Now everyone I'd like to bring your attention to this baby!
Candice: What about it?
Tony: It can draw and tell time! and I'm willing to bet it can do more
Butch: Oh! I have an idea! *Runs into the kitchen*
Tony: Can I even get a word out?
Colin: Apparently not
Paige: Hey maybe the baby will end up like a superhero
Tony: A superhero?
Candice: Oh that'd be cool, I love superhero movies
Larry: Same
Candice: No you don't, you fell asleep during Captain America
Larry: I was very sleepy
Candice: I don't get you, how can you sleep so much but still be tired?
Larry: I don't get me either so we're in the same float
Candice: Boat
Larry: That's a better word
*Candice laughs*
*Butch comes back into the room carrying two plates, one plate had white sauce and the other had fruit salad, he stood in front of Tony and showed the baby*
Butch: Now little one which one is the healthy food?
*The baby looked at the plates for a few seconds and then pointed to the fruit salad Butch looked at it as if it was crazy*
Butch: What? no! it's plain white sauce, this kid isn't smart it's stupid
Colin: Actually it's right
Butch: Excuse me?
Colin: Fruit salad is a healthy food
Butch: I don't know where you're getting this from but it's lying, I teach this stuff I know what I'm talking about
Colin: I'm the smartest person in this room *he stands up* Whatever I say is right
Butch: *places plates down and walks towards Colin* Are you saying I'm a liar?
*Tony quickly hands Sky to Paige and stands in-between them*
Tony: Cut it out *tries to push Butch back but can't cus he's fuckin large*
Butch: I want to hear what he has to say
Tony: Butch sit down now!
Butch: Go on Colin
Colin: *folds his arms* Yes
*Butch shoves Tony out of the way and grabbed onto Colin's arm hard causing him to start screaming but this time he wasn't letting go so Colin bit Butch's arm sinking his teeth in and drawing blood. Candice jumped up and tried to push Colin away but was unable to so Tony wrapped his arms around him and was able to pull him off without causing further damage, he takes him out of the room*
Butch: WHY DO I KEEP GETTING BITTEN?
Candice: I'LL GO GET ANOTHER BANDAGE *Runs out of the room*
Butch: *Looks at Paige* You ok?
Paige: I-I should be asking you that
Butch: Haha I'll survive, what about the baby?
Paige: Unfazed it seems
Candice: *Runs back into the room* Ok I think I know what I'm doing now *She cleans the injury and was able to tie the bandage around the wound* I did it, nice work me
Butch: *Pats her on the head* Good job kid, I think I'll go cook now, that'll take my mind off of getting bitten twice in one day on my favourite arm *he goes to the kitchen*
Candice: Yep that's a good idea

*Meanwhile in the calming spot*
Tony: *Wiping whatever tf that yellow liquid is off Colins face and also some blood* How are you feeling now?
Colin: I feel terrible
Tony: It's not your fault, he needs to learn to back off
Colin: *Lowers his head* Why do you put up with me when I do this?
Tony: Colin you're my closest friend, I'm not going to desert you for something you can't control
Colin: *Looks up at him* You're a good friend *he leans forward and hugs him*
Tony: *Smiles* Permission to hug back?
Colin: Permission granted
*Tony hugs him back, they stay like that for a while*

*1AM*
Paige: Pleeeease go to sleep
*Sky will not sleep*
Larry: *Slowly opens door* Y'all good?
Paige: Yeah it's just I can't get Sky to go to sleep at all
*Larry walks over and kneels down beside the basket Sky was in, he takes a glove off and places a finger on the baby's forehead, after a few seconds it was fast asleep so he put his glove back on and stands back on*
Paige: Thank you, I forgot you could do that
Larry: Yeah Tony melts stuff and I sleep stuff
Paige: *Laughs quietly* Are you a little drunk again?
Larry: No of course not
Paige: Yes how silly of me to think so
Larry: *Goes to the door* Well I wish you good dreams *He gently closes the door behind him*
*The night was going normally, Paige was asleep in their room with Sky, Tony was asleep in his room, Colin was charging, Butch and Candice were asleep in their room, Larry was watching TV while eating popcorn and drinking alcohol. Suddenly there was a loud noise outside Paige's window which caused them to jump awake and curiosity forced them to investigate, They picked up a torch used for power outages and walked downstairs to the front door where they saw Larry still in front of the TV so they opened the front door and walked outside using their torch to look around. A bright light shone on them from above which was so bright they couldn't look at it and then they found themselves lifting off the ground, they began to flail about dropping their torch on the ground as the light took them all the way up and switched off. Larry who had seem the while thing stared at the window wondering if what he's seen was real and then decided it was, he threw the bowl of popcorn on off his lap and onto the ground and then sprinted up stairs stumbling a little until he got to Tony's room*
Larry: TONY
Tony: LARRY WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM
Larry: TH-THE- Paige GOT-
Tony: SPIT IT OUT
Larry: Paige HAS BEEN TAKEN BY THE ALIENS
Tony: Oh my god Larry you were dreaming
Larry: But h-how could I have been dreaming if at night I'm awake!?
Tony: Well maybe that stuff you drink is making you see stuff now get OUT of my room NOW
Larry: NO *Pulls the covers off*
Tony: Okay that's really mature
Butch: Hey why is everyone fucking yelling up here? some of us are trying to sleep
Larry: *Runs over to Butch and grabs his shirt* Paige IS GONE
Butch: Gone?
Larry: THEY WERE TAKEN BY THE ALIENS
Butch:
Butch: Okay I was worried there for a moment but now I'm just going to go *takes Larry's hands off him*
Larry: You're not going to help?
Butch: Larry you're a drunk idiot
Larry: I KNOW WHO WILL BELIEVE ME *Runs out of the house*
*Tony got up to close his door but had the slightest feeling of dread that Larry was right so he walked across the hallway and slowly opened Paige's door to look into their room, he saw the baby still asleep in it's little basket but Paige's bed was empty, Tony began to feel panic, he hurried downstairs and checked all the rooms but they were nowhere. In his panic he knew he needed to tell the others of their disappearance so he ran to Butch and Candice's room urgently knocking on their door.*
Butch: Oh what now?
Tony: Paige is gone, I-I've checked every room they're just gone I think Larry might be right, well not about the alien thing but about something
*Candice opened the door*
Candice: Ok, what's going on?
Tony: Paige is missing
Candice: As in they're just gone?
Tony: Yes, Larry was saying they were abducted by aliens
*Candice goes up to check and make sure she wasn't being pranked*
Tony: See?
Candice: But the baby's still here
Tony: I know and I don't think they would have left it
*Downstairs they hear the front door close and go to see what it was and see a very out of breath Larry standing with Shrignold*
Larry: I got Shrigs, he believes me
Tony: Did you seriously run all the way to his love cult-
Shrignold: It's not a cult!!!
Tony: BUT DID YOU!?
Larry: YES AND I'M REALLY TIRED *Falls down to the floor*
*Tony felt a hand rest on his shoulder, when he turned around he noticed Colin standing there with a serious expression*
Tony: Colin, I didn't know you were up yet
Colin: I heard what was happening and I think I can help
*Colin went outside and took the footage from the security cameras and played them on his screen*
Candice: When did we get security cameras?
Colin: I put them up a few years ago
Tony: Did anyone else know about this?
Shrignold: Nope
Larry: I probably wouldn't remember if he told me at some point
Colin: Oh there they are
*They all watch Paige going outside and then a light appearing and them being taken upwards by it*
Larry: Oh hey I was right, sweet
Tony: *Stands up* They were actually abducted by aliens!?
Shrignold: They're gone forever
Tony: *Starts pacing* No not forever I'll think of something
*Colin watches Tony pacing with worry*
Butch: Why are you all awake?
Tony, Colin & Candice: Larry was right
Butch: You are kidding she actually got abducted?
Candice: Yep
Butch: What are we suppose to do now?
Tony: We'll steal a space shuttle and go rescue her!
Shrignold: Why did it take her in the first place?
Larry: What if the baby's an alien and the parents came back and stole Paige to hold hostage?
Colin: That...might actually be it
Larry: Nice
Tony: Right ok now how will we do this
Butch: I for one think your plan is crazy, I mean steal a space sh-
Colin: There's a Spaceport about an hours drive away we can go there and get on a shuttle
Butch: What?
Colin: I said there's a Spaceport-
Butch: No, no I heard what you said I'm just wondering how on Earth you think we can do that
Colin: Well worse case scenario we all go to prison, never see Paige again and the Men in Black come for the baby but best case scenario we actually pull this off and rescue Paige returning the alien baby to it's family in the process
Tony: It's worth a shot
Larry: I agree
Shrignold: Yeah *puts his hand forward* Are we all in?
*Everyone but Butch puts their hands forward and then they look at him*
Butch: Oh I must be crazy *puts his hand forward* there happy? bunch of jackasses standing in a circle
Tony: Okay everyone get dressed and in the car as fast as you can

*Ten minutes later they are all in the car, Colin is driving, Tony is in the passenger seat and the other four were squeezed into the backseats*
Larry: Yo pass the aux cord
Tony: Larry we're on a rescue mission and WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED!?
Larry: What are you talking about?
Tony: You are still in your pyjamas
Larry: But that's all I got, can I have the aux please?
Tony: Ugh fine *gives it to him*
*Larry plays the Ghostbusters theme*
Colin: What the fuck
Larry: *Dancing* What? this song slaps
Colin: Put on dubstep
Candice: Dubstep? what is it 2010?
Colin: Shut the hell up
Butch: Hey the screen isn't connected to the wifi how am I suppose to watch Hells Kitchen?
Shrignold: Can we listen to the Titanic soundtrack?
Candice: Why do you people think that movie is romantic when they both die at the end?
Shrignold: Love hurts
Candice: No it doesn't
Shrignold: Yes it does, Tony knows that don't you Tony?
Tony: Can everyone just STOP TALKING?
*Uncomfortable silence, Larry dances in slow motion as to not make noise*

*AND THEN THEY GOT THERE*
*Parked outside*
Tony: So this is the shuttle
Butch: Well this is going to be difficult
Colin: Actually it's going to be super easy, barely an inconvenience
Butch: Oh really?
Colin: Yeah did you forget what we can do?

*TIME SKIP*
*Colin and Tony are at the front, Butch is sitting behind them with the baby and Larry, Candice and Shrignold are sitting at the back*
Butch: Wow that WAS super easy
Larry: Putting people to sleep is tight
Tony: *Turns around* Do you have the baby strapped in correctly?
Butch: Yup this lil guy isn't going anywhere *Turns around to Larry, Candice and Shrignold* You three good?
Candice: Yep
Shrignold: I hope I don't die
Larry: Oh it wont be so bad we'll get to go to the centre of the Earth and relive our life's as a performance for a new super race known as the council
Candice: What
Tony: *To Colin* You sure you know what you're doing?
Colin: Oh yeah of course
Tony: Oh boy
Shrignold: Hey can you hold my hand?
Candice: What are you scared?
Shrignold: Yes
Candice: Ok fine, I appreciate the honesty
Larry: I'm scared too
Candice: Am I just the hand holder now?
Larry: *Puppy dog eyes*
*Candice sighs and takes his hand*
Colin: Right I looked up every article and tutorial and I never forget *Puts his hands on the controls*
Tony: Come on Colin you've got this I believe in you
Colin: *Feels the panic inside him lessen* Hold on everyone
*The rocket propelled all the way through the sky, the journey was bumpy and didn't feel exactly safe but in the end they got there, suddenly all around them was just stars. Colin finally let go of the controls and felt the worry fade from his body*
Colin: We made it, I actually did it, I'm so chuffed
Tony: You should be, you're incredible
Colin: Thank you
*They smile at each other before Butch floats right between them*
Butch: I feel weightless! this never happens
*Tony turns around to check on the baby and sees it still asleep*
Candice: Help I think these two are broken
*Butch looked over and sees Larry and Shrignold on each side of Candice holding her hands tightly with their eyes closed*
Butch: Shrignold open your eyes!
Shrigold: Huh? *opens his eyes* Oh wow *he lets go and takes off his seatbelt, floating to the window and looking at all the stars*
Candice: *Turns to Larry who she can see and feel shaking* Larry open your eyes, we're here
*Larry slowly opens his eyes and looks around, sighing in relief. Butch floats over and pulls their hands apart*
Larry: Oh oops I forgot we were still doing that
Candice: Heh same, my hand is numb now
Larry: *Takes his seatbelt off* Ohhh it's just like lucid dreaming *Floats to the window*
*Candice takes off her seatbelt and floats over to look, Butch and Shrignold join*
Candice: It's beautiful
Larry: I can't believe it's just a boring circle and not dinosaur shaped
Colin: Hey I found the spaceship
Shrignold: Oh
Larry: Don't worry it's really small so we can find them quickly
Tony: Larry come here
*Larry floats over, the others follow*
Tony: Is THIS what you call small?
*The spaceship is huge and cigar shaped*
Larry:
Larry: It was a lot smaller last night
Candice: I am having second thoughts
Tony: Oh boy we are not prepared
Colin: It's fine we'll just sneak on
Tony: *Looks at him* Pardon?
Colin: We can find somewhere to go in and find them
Tony: Um Colin? BIG spaceship LOT'S of aliens
Shrignold: Yeah this does look scary
Colin: That's because you're scared of everything
Shrignold: I am not
Candice: *Mimics* "Can you hold my hand?"
Shrignold: Look I thought we were going to die okay?
Tony: Can you guys shut up?
Larry: I think we could get them if we all went into ninja mode
Candice: Ninja mode?
Larry: Yeah we could all be sneaky and jump out and kick them
Candice: Yeah maybe
Tony: I'm surrounded by idiots
Butch: Tony, Tony you want to find them don't you?
Tony: Yes, but we need a different strategy than this, this isn't going to work
Butch: Well too late
Tony: What *turns and sees Colin is already driving the shuttle into an open part of the spaceship* Um Colin what are you doing?
Colin: Oops I got us inside oh noooo
Tony: Yeah ok let's just go into an alien spaceship, no idea what's inside but sure what could go wrong?
Colin: It's alright Tony I'll look after you
Tony: I'm a grown man I don't need looking after
*Colin laughs*
*The shuttle lands in a room full of the type of spaceship that took Paige, there is no one around, the door they came through closes and gravity becomes a thing again*
Tony: Still think this is a good idea?
Colin: *Pause* Uh huh
Tony: You hesitated
Colin: No I didn't
Butch: Hey if they shut the door do you think they wanted us to come in here?
Colin: Maybe they knew we'd be here to return the baby?
Shrignold: Friendly aliens?
Larry: Sounds good, we going out?
*They exit the shuttle and look around*
Tony: Ok so there's a hallway down there I think that's where we should go
Butch: What if we split up?
*Everyone looks at him like he's crazy*
Colin: Are you fucking stupid
Butch: Well I'm just trying to come up with ideas here
Tony: Welp down the hallway we go
*They walk down and find a hatch on the wall and open it, it's dark*
Candice: Now what?
Butch: Can you see anything?
Candice: Nope, just darkness
Colin: It might be a good idea to go down
Larry: In the death hole?
Colin: It might lead somewhere we need to go
Tony: *Looking down* Yeah maybe hey Shrignold could you go down and check?
Shrignold: Why me?
Tony: You can fly
Shrignold: Ok good point
Larry: Here *Takes the bulb out which is still lit and gives it to him* I brought my special bulb
Shrignold: Thanks
Butch: Be Careful
*Shrignold climbs in and glides down to the bottom which enters at a giant room, he is on a platform and there is a light going through the middle, the top is very far up which is where the light is coming from and the bottom goes down so far the light doesn't even reach the bottom*
Shrignold: *Speaking up tunnel* It's safe, there's no one here
*The rest carefully slide down*
Butch: *Looking up* This place is ginormous I feel so tiny
Shrignold: How do you think I feel?
Candice: Hey guys there's a platform on the other side
*Everyone looks forward and vaguely sees a platform on the other side with a dim light in it*
Larry: That looks like an important platform, but the light hm
Candice: What about the light?
Larry: The way the dust is moving...hold on *he takes off his shoe and throws it, as soon as it hits the light the gravity for it changes and it falls all the way to the source*
Colin: That is incredible
Larry: I miss my shoe
Tony: There might be something really important up there, I'll go check
Colin: You sure that's a good idea?
Tony: Nope
*Tony takes some steps back and then runs fast and jumps, the gravity takes him upwards and he's on the ceiling, he looks up and sees everyone and then looks to where the light is coming from and sees the bridge of the spaceship with several aliens that look like the baby but only older and sees Paige in a glass room smiling with some aliens around them*
*Meanwhile*
Larry: I really wanna do that
Candice: Don't
Larry: Why?
Candice: It's just a really stupid idea
Larry: So what are some good ones?
Candice: Not doing it is a good idea
Larry: Oh ok, hey look the baby woke up!
Candice: Huh? *looks at Butch*
Butch: No it di-
Larry: *Runs past her and jumps into the light* REMEMBER MEEEEEEE
Candice: *Watching him go up* Idiot
*Larry lands beside Tony*
Tony: *Whispering* Larry what are you doing!?
Larry: What? it looked fun *picks up his shoe* Also I wanted this *Puts his shoe on*
Tony: Keep your voice down
*The light they're in starts to fade*
Larry: What's up with that?
Tony: I'm not sure
*The light goes out and they both fall down into the darkness, everyone runs to the edge and looks down*
Colin: *Calls down* Tony!
*No answer*
*A noise is heard from behind them that gets louder*
Candice: They found us
Shrignold: What do we do!?
Butch: I say we jump!
Colin: Jump!? are you serious!? I'll break!
Butch: Not my problem *he puts the baby inside of his jacket and puts his arms over it and jumps into the darkness*
Shrignold: Wait for me! *he runs over and flies down*
Candice: *Looks into the pit and then at the doorway* I'm not running from this *To Colin* Hide behind that wall I have an idea
Colin: What are you going to do?
Candice: Go into ninja mode
*Candice and Colin hide behind a wall and wait for the aliens, when they come down to look around, Candice jumps out and kicks one alien in the back of their head and throws them into the other one, they're both unconscious*
Colin: Well I'm never making you angry
Candice: *Looks down at the darkness* Will you really break if you jump down?
Colin: It's a high probability
Candice: *Groan* I guess that means I'm staying with you until we find them again
Colin: What?
Candice: I'd leave but you're a wuss so-
Colin: Excuse me!?
Candice: And also a huge crybaby
Colin: I am NOT a crybaby
Candice: Yeah ok

*Meanwhile*
*Tony, Larry, Shrignold and Butch find themselves in what seems to be a garbage dump*
Tony: *Wiping dirt off his clothes* Ugh where are we?
Shrignold: Are we in a dump?
Tony: Wh-Shrignold what are you doing down here?
Shrignold: We got caught so we had to
Butch: Yeah almost
Tony: Is the baby okay?
Butch: Yep, didn't even make a noise
Tony: Wait where's Colin?
Butch: He said he would break so he stayed
Tony: You just left him!?
Butch: Well what were we supposed to do?
Tony: You can't just leave someone all alone on an alien spaceship like that! if he's hurt I'm holding you responsible
Butch: Well none of it would have happened if Larry didn't jump into the weird gravity light
Larry: I'm sorry
Shrignold: Guys can we please go somewhere else? I don't like it here
Tony: Yeah that's probably-
Larry: Um guys?
Tony: What?
Larry: Where is Candice?
(Pause)
Butch: Oh my god where is she!?
Tony: Is she still up there?
Butch: I thought she was going to jump down after me! what if something bad happens!?
Tony: Butch you need to calm down
Butch: Oh you're one to talk?
Tony: WELL I'M NOT THE ONE TAKING A HISSING FIT RIGHT NOW
Shrignold: Please stop fighting they're gonna find us
Tony: *Clenches fists and takes a deep breath* Okay I'm only doing this because if I go any louder they'll hear us but if we were at home-
Butch: Well we're not so now we're going to go find her
Tony: Butch, I know you're worried but that'll take way too long and we don't have time, we need to take the baby back first
Butch:....Fine
Larry: You guys see that vent over there?
Tony: Ah yes, well spotted La-
Larry: Have you ever heard of Among Us?
Tony:
Larry: We have to be sus
Butch: Just get in
*They all get into the vents and crawl for a while until they get to a part with an air vent and see a large door protected by guards, another alien walks through the door and when it opens they see inside a bit and then the door close again)
*Tony, Larry and Shrignold are kinda squeezed together cus they're all trying to see, Butch has to just lay there behind them us he's too thicc*
Tony: I recognize this, Paige is in there
Shrignold: How do we get in with them being there?
Tony: That's what I'm trying to figure out
Butch: What if we got someone to act as a diversion?
Tony: Hmm *Looks at Larry* I do like this
Larry: *Looks at him* Huh?

*Meanwhile*
*Colin and Candice walking around*
Candice: Oh man we are so lost
Colin: The ships bridge would be at the front so we are not lost
Candice: How do you know we're going to the front though?
Colin: Trust me
Candice: Hey what's up with those arches?
*Colin looks up ahead and sees they're walking towards some strange looking arches*
Colin: Hmm fancy, these aliens have some good taste
*They walk through and an alarm goes off*
Colin: Ohh it's a metal detector
Candice: Crap, we've gotta hide now!

*Meanwhile*
*The guards who were at the door run away*
Tony: Well that's convenient
Shrignold: What's the alarm for? is it us?
Larry: That guy down there has a picture of Colin
Tony: What? *He looks down and sees an alien with a screen which shows security footage of Colin and Candice*
Larry: And Candice too
Butch: Did they catch them?
Tony: Not yet *Starts to move down the vent*
Butch: Um where are you going?
Tony: I'm going to save them
Butch: I'm sorry you wouldn't let me go back to save Candice and now you-
Tony: It's not the same
Butch: How is it not!?
Tony: SHHHH I don't want to leave the baby with them *Motions to Larry and Shrignold*
Butch: *Annoyed* Fine
Tony: Good, trust me, I'll be back, don't move *He keeps moving*
Larry: Wait where's he going? I phased out for a moment there
Butch: To save them
Larry: What? I wanna go too
Butch: *Holds him back* No way, you're staying here kid
Larry: I'm an adult
Butch: Then act like it
Larry: Rude

*Tony sneaks and also runs as fast as he can to where the guards ran off to only to find all the aliens on the floor unconscious*
Tony: What? but how did?
*Other aliens arrive and catch him*

*Meanwhile*
Shrignold: Maybe we should just wait until Tony comes back?
Butch: Or we could actually save the day and rub it in his face?
Shrignold: Oh um ok I guess
Larry: Tony's back
Butch: What? *Pushes Larry out of the way* Let me see is Candice there?
*He sees Tony being taken by the guards into the room*
Butch: So much for saving them

*The guards put Tony in the glass room with Paige*
Paige: Tony! *Hugs him*
Tony: *Hugs them back* Hey Paige
Paige: *Lets go* Is everyone else here too?
Tony: Yeah Butch, Larry and Shrignold are outside but I don't know where Candice and Colin are
Paige: Well I'm sure if any aliens try to grab them Candice will beat them all up
Tony: She did they were lying all over the floor, they thought it was me
Paige: Haha that's so her
Tony: How come you seem so ok with this?
Paige: Because look at them *looks at the aliens* They're all so creative
Tony: Well at least one of us is enjoying themselves

*Meanwhile*
Shrignold: Maybe you should just them the baby?
Butch: Not sure they might shoot me
Larry: Wait what if we lower it down on a rope in the middle of the room?
Butch: And how are we going to do that?
Larry: I'm going to find a way in *starts crawling down a vent*
Shrignold: Um I don't think that's the way
Larry: *Still crawling* I could find a way from this way *The vent below him collapses, he falls screaming until he hits the ground*
Shrignold: *Crawls forwards and looks down seeing him lying in the middle of loads of Earth junk* You good?
Larry: These aliens have a hoarding problem
Butch: *Seeing the guards haven't moved* They seriously didn't hear that?
*The baby wakes up*
Shrignold: Uh-oh
*The baby starts to cry*
Butch: Ah dammit why now? *trying to rock it* How do you stop this?
Shrignold: *Sees the guards looking around trying to figure out where the noise is coming from, he looks at Butch* You need a diversion right?
Butch: What?
Shrignold: I'll go
Butch: But Shrignold-
Shrignold: When they follow me you go in ok?
Butch: Be careful
Shrignold: *Kicks the grate and jumps down then flies away as the guards chase*
Birch: *Jumps down and opens the door to the room and holds the baby out* DON'T SHOOT
Paige: It's Sky! you brought it!
Tony: Wait what happened to the others?
*One of the aliens run over to him and take the baby and hugs it*
Butch: Hey uh
(Another alien walks over and scans him with some sort of device)
Butch: Could you let them go now?
*The device translates what he's saying into their language*
Paige: Look! that's their translator
*One alien points to the baby and yells into the translator*
Translator: Why did you take our baby!?
Paige: *Leaning against the glass* He didn't! I found it and took it home to look after it!
*The aliens listen to the translation and talk amongst themselves and then stop and make the glass open up*
Tony: *Cautious* Are they letting us go?
Paige: Butch! *Runs over to him and hugs him*
Butch: *Hugs them back*
*Tony walks over*
Paige: *Lets go* You done it, thank you
Butch: You're welcome, hear that Tony? I did it
Tony: Oh shut up *he turns to an alien* Uh some of us are elsewhere
*The aliens go to a control panel and speaks into it and then nods at him*
Tony: I'm guessing that means they're coming here?
*A few minutes later an alien comes in with Shrignold, when he sees them he runs over*
Butch: Hey! well done *they high five*
Shrignold: Thanks, I am exhausted now
Tony: What did he do?
Butch: He was the diversion so I could get in here
Tony: Wasn't Larry going to do that?
Butch: He fell somewhere else
Tony: He fell?
*The doors open and Colin and Candice walk in with a guard on each side*
(Tony and Butch run over to them, Butch picks up Candice in a hug)
Tony: Colin! thank goodness I was so worried are you alright?
Colin: Yeah I'm fine but what about you? you fell quite a bit
Tony: I had a soft landing
Colin: Ha well if I knew that I would have jumped down
Tony: I wish you had, did you set off that alarm?
Colin: Yeaaah metal detector
Tony: Ah of course
Paige: *Runs over* Guys guys
Tony: Yes Paige?
Paige: Sooo turns out this was all a big misunderstanding because they actually left Sky by accident and when they went back to get it, it was gone and didn't realize we are actually all wonderful caring people so they thought we were all kidnappers
Colin: Huh
Tony: Well at least we got to go into space
Butch: It looks like Shrignold is making new friends
Tony: *Sees Shrignold telling a group of aliens about Malcolm* Is he seriously trying to convert a group of aliens into his love cult?
Candice: Apparently so
*Shrignold walks over*
Tony: What are you even doing?
Shrignold: I was telling them about The King of Love and they found him really interesting! maybe they'll join
Tony: Yeeeah good luck with that
Shrignold: Hey where's Larry? I thought he'd be back by now
Butch: Maybe he got lost after he fell
Candice: He what
*The door opens and Larry enters with a guard*
Tony: Speak of the devil
Larry: Hey guuuys! Candy did you beat up those aliens?
Candice: Yes
Larry: I knew you would haha
Paige: Ohh they've made a pod for us to go home in
Tony: Ah finally
Paige: I don't want to leave *looks out the window* space is so pretty
Colin: Maybe we should fly into space another time just to look around
Tony: You sure?
Colin: I just really want to fly another shuttle
Tony: Good point, teach me will you? it looks fun
Colin: Of course if you'd like

*Everyone get's into the pod, Paige says a goodbye to Sky before joining the others they are all seating in seats that are in a circle facing each other and are buckled in and have helmets on, the door closes*
Larry: Hey Colin what would happen if this just exploded before we got home?
Colin: Uh we'd die what do you think would happen?
Butch: Can you not talk about things exploding? I'm tense as it is
*Colin and Tony smile at each other mischievously*
Colin: Well Butch in the very small chance you would survive the explosion you would be floating around in space for a while until you ran low on oxygen, *his tone of voice become more sinister* You would become confused and start sweating and the-
Butch: I GET IT COLIN
Larry: It's ok if it explodes Candice will just punch it
Candice: I don't know how that will help us but sure I'll punch an explosion
Colin: Larry a person cannot punch an explosion
Larry: Yes I know, that is what is called a joke
Colin: Sorry with half the things that come out of your mouth I can't tell if you're joking or if you're actually that stupid
Larry: I am hurt
Shrignold: I'm scared and Candice is too far away to hold my hand
Candice: Thank god
Larry: I can do it if you want
Shrignold: Um in a friend way right?
Larry: No in a mortal enemies way
Shrignold: I'm fine with that *They hold hands in a mortal enemies way*
*They feel the pod moving*
Shrignold: What are they doing?
Tony: I think they're moving us into position
Larry: We're a cannonball they're gonna fire us!
Butch: Oh god
*The pod fires, it goes all the way down to the forest Paige found Sky in and parachutes s they don't crash and die, the door opens*
Butch: *Climbs out and falls to the ground* I live
*The rest climb out*
Shrignold: I knew my king would protect me
Colin: *Walks over to Butch who is still lying on the ground* And now you know you were worrying over nothing
*Butch hits his legs so he falls*
Colin: Ah! hey!
Butch: Don't ever scare me like that again
Tony: *Walks over* To be honest you really deserved it after what you did yesterday
Butch: *Sighs* Sorry about that
Colin: Pardon?
Butch: *Sits up* I'm sorry for making fun of you and touching you
Colin: Wow that's a new one
Butch: Are you gonna accept it or not?
Colin: Hm alright I will accept it *Tony helps him up*
Butch: Right good *gets up* Let's go home
Candice: Wonderful idea
*They start walking, Tony turns around and sees Paige stood there staring up at the sky*
Tony: Are you alright?
Paige: Do you think we'll ever see Sky again?
Tony: Perhaps
Paige: Even if it's all the way up there?
Tony: Hey, everything's possible

Chapter Text

*Tony and Colin are sat on the couch together, Tony is holding a Gameboy playing Pokémon and Colin is walking him through it*
Tony: So do I kill them?
Colin: Unless you want to catch them
Tony: Right uh well I don't like how this one is looking at me so I'll kill it
Colin: Fair, let's see if it drops any updog....nope better luck next time
Tony: Oh there's a ball on the ground
Colin: Oh maybe that's updog!
Tony: Nope it's an antidote
Colin: Dang, keep an eye out for updog okay?
Tony: I don't know what that is
Colin: Y'know it's updog
Tony: What is updog- OH
Colin: *Scream laughing*
Tony: Well aren't you proud of yourself
Colin: *Still scream laughing*
Tony: Oh my god that's the happiest I've ever seen you
Colin: I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE EVER GOTTEN THAT TO WORK *Continues laughing now with less screaming*
Tony: Well I hope you are proud
Colin: *Choking on air*
Tony: You good there?
Colin: I'm having the time of my life
Tony: Good good *closes the game*
Colin: What are you doing?
Tony: It's time for bed
Colin: Oh right
Tony: Now go upstairs and think about what you did
Colin: I'm going to tell everyone
Tony: No
Colin: Yes
Tony: NO
Colin: Whose gonna stop me? *he goes upstairs*

*2:53AM*
*Candice get's up for a drink, she goes into the kitchen not turning on any lights, opening the fridge which lights up the room, she hears a noise behind her and turns, she sees Larry sat on a table eating something green*
Candice: What are you eating?
Larry: Chicken
Candice: Why is it green?
Larry: It's NyQuil chicken
Candice:
Candice: You're going in the soup
Larry: What?
Candice: I said you're going in the soup
Larry: I DON'T WANT TO GO IN THE SOUP
Candice: THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING LIKE THIS IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN WE'RE ALL ASLEEP?
*Tony who has been woken up by the noise appears*
Tony: WHY ARE YOU BOTH SCREAMING IT'S THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Candice: Larry's eating NyQuil chicken
Tony: Larry's doing WHAT
*Butch who has been woken up by the noise appears*
Butch: WHAT IS GOING ON!?
Tony & Candice: Larry's eating NyQuil chicken
Butch: Larry's doing WHAT
Larry: Oh come on

*The next morning*
Tony: I'm so tired
Candice: Same
Tony: I also have a feeling I'm going to get a headache any second now
Shrignold: *Flies through the window* Hello everyone!
Tony: Aaaand there it is
Shrignold: How are you all today?
Candice: I wish I was dead
Shrignold: If you're dead you can't love anyone
Candice: Worth
Shrignold: NO
Colin: *Walks in from the outside* Heyy I got an upgrade
*They all look at him*
Candice: Is that a tail?
Colin: It let's me plug myself into the wall when I need to charge, I even have a portable power pack for road trips
Candice: It's a tail
Colin: It's a wire with a plug on the end
Shrignold: Does it wag when you get excited?
Colin: I'm not a dog
Shrignold: We need to test it, someone rub his belly
Colin: If anyone touches my belly they're losing their hands
Butch: He's a cat
Colin: I'M NOT A CAT EITHER
Shrignold: *Wiggles keys in front of him* Here kittykittykitty
Candice: *Puts her hand out* Pspspspspspspspsps
Colin: I'm going to kill everyone in this room
Candice: Does that include Tony?
Colin: Yes and it also includes myself
Paige: *Runs in and slides across the floor* GUYS GUYS GUYS
Tony: Yes Paige?
Paige: WANNA GO CAMPING?
Tony: What?
Paige: CAMPING WANNA?
Shrignold: Oooh that sounds fun
Colin: I'd like to do that
Butch: We can roast things around a fire
Candice: We can set things on fire too
Larry: *Sits up from sleeping on the floor* I wanna go!
Tony: What the- weren't you just asleep?
Larry: Y'know when you're dreaming and there's a noise and the noise shows up in your dream?
Tony: Yes?
Larry: Yeah I'm that good at dreaming I know when the noise is coming from an outside source, so all you people who have private conversations around my still sleeping body? I know everything
Colin: Wait what so you know about....
Larry: Yep but I've seen your dreams so I already knew that *winks*
Colin: *Looks terrified*
Tony: What's he talking about?
Colin: NOTHING HAHA CAMPING SOUNDS FUN
Paige: Niiiiice!

*The next day*
Butch: Good thing we got a new car with eight seats so no one will have to glue themselves to the roof of the car
Shrignold: Haha yeeeah
Larry: Unless you still wanna
Shrignold: I think I'll pass
Candice: Hey I got six BBQs in case they get blown away
Butch: Only six?
Tony: Six is more than enough, we still need to get all the luggage in and we're BEHIND SCHEDULE
Candice: Clam down
Tony: Don't you mean calm?
Candice: No *is holding a clam* the clam is down, they were so young
Shrignold: How tragic
Larry: Rest in peace
Paige: Hey how much art supplies should I bring?
Tony: As much as you'd like
Butch: Oh okay so Paige get's a pass?
Shrignold: Awww that's so romantic
Butch: There's nothing romantic about favouritism
Larry: *Walks out with a box full of bottles*
Tony: No
Larry: What?
Tony: You're not taking any of them
Butch: Put them back now
Larry: *Sighs* Y'know I think you're right *he puts the box down* Looks like it'll be a sober weekend huh?
Butch: Huh that was easier than I thought
Tony: Yeah hmm oh well GET IN THE CAR
Butch: I'm driving
Colin: No I'm driving
Paige: Do rock paper scissors
*They do rock paper scissors and Butch wins*
Butch: HA HA HA
Colin: GOD DAMN IT
Candice: Does this mean I get to be in the passenger seat?
Butch: It does *Turns to the others* and you all get to sit behind us like kids
Paige: DIBS ON THE WINDOW SEAT
Colin: Dibs on the other window seat
Tony: Really I have to sit in the middle? ugh this is going to be a long journey

*They all in the car on their way to a brand new place*
Butch: Now I get to choose the music
Candice: What are you going to pick?
Butch: This Gordon Ramsay rap I found on the YouTube
Candice:
Candice: Welp
*Behind Paige, Tony and Colin is Shrignold and Larry*
Shrignold: I'm bored
Larry: You wanna play eye spy?
Shrignold: Alright
Larry: I'll go first
Shrignold: Okay
Larry: I spy something green
Shrignold: Tree?
Larry: Dang
Shrignold: My turn?
Larry: Yeah
Shrignold: I spy something tall
Larry: Tree?
Shrignold: Yep
Larry: I spy something with bark
Shrignold: Tree?
Larry: Ugh
Shrignold: Okay I spy something with a vertical log
Larry: Tree?
Shrignold: Yeah
Larry: I spy some-
Shrignold: Tree
Larry: Yea
Shrignold: My turn-
Larry: Tree
Shrignold: No hold on
Larry: It counts
Shrignold: I didn't even spy something
Larry: It counts
Shrignold: Okay, tree
Larry: *Sighs* let's play something else
Paige: Oh hey Tony fell asleep
Colin: So much for only night time is for sleeping
Paige: I'm gonna draw on his face
Colin: Please do
*The car goes round a corner, Tony falls sideways and his head lands on Colins shoulder*
Colin: *entire body stiffens up and whirring gets louder* UM UM UM UM
Paige: Good just keep him there I'll just *leans over and starts drawing*
Candice: *Turns around* Awwww look at that
Colin: Help
Candice: *Takes a picture*
Colin: NO
Candice: I'm going to print this out
Colin: Give me your phone now
Candice: Come get it, oh wait you can't cus if you move then Tony will fall
Paige: What kind of moustache should I give him?
Butch: Anything that makes him look like an old man
Candice: Give him glasses as well
Shrignold: You do realize he's gonna get mad when he wakes up right?
Candice: It's fine just tell him Paige did it, he wont even yell
Paige: Aaaand done, no one tell him I want to see how long it'll take *yawns* actually I think I'll sleep as well *lays their head against the side and closes their eyes*
Larry: Yaay everyone's sleeping, Imma join *falls asleep instantly*
Colin: Well I guess I should as well to um save power *making sure no one is looking, he lays his head against Tony's and falls asleep*

*Loud honk wakes everyone up*
Butch: WAKEY WAKEY WE'RE HERE
Tony: BUTCH WHY?
Butch: Payback for every morning when you wake me up by screaming
Tony: That's fair
*They all get out the car*
Tony: Okay time to set up tents, pick your tent buddy and someone can have two because we only have three, I'll pick Colin
*Colin smiles*
Paige: I pick Candice! she's fun
Tony: Well Butch looks like you get Larry and Shrignold
Butch: I'd rather sleep out in the dark
Shrignold: What if you get killed by a bear?
Butch: We don't have bears here
Larry: What if you get killed by Bigfoot?
Butch: I'm just going to ignore that
Colin: What if you get killed by Slenderman?
Butch: I don't even know what that is
*They set up their tents*
Larry: EVERYONE STOP *Points at a bird*
Butch: What about it?
Larry: BUSH DID 9/11! BUSH DID 9/11! BUSH DID 9/11!
Tony: What's he doing?
Paige: If the bird looks at him that means his theory is correct
Tony: That's stupid
Colin: Oprah did 9/11
*The bird looks at him"
*Larry & Colin gasp*
Larry: I can't believe it was Oprah all along
Candice: Hey you guys wanna fish?
Butch: No thanks I gotta set up the BBQs so we can cook
Shrignold: Ooh I'll fish
*Butch is setting up all the BBQs, Tony, Paige and Colin are chilling under a tree, Shrignold and Candice are fishing and Larry's fucked off somewhere*
Candice: *Gets a fish* Niiice, I'll go gut this
Shrignold: Sounds disturbing, hope you enjoy
Candice: Oh I will *she leaves*
Shrignold: Oh hey I think I've got something
Paige: Bring it in!
Shrignold: I'm trying but it's really strong *the thing he caught suddenly pulls back hard causing him to fall into the water, he starts thrashing about*
Tony: Oh dang, strong fish huh?
Colin: Or weak bug
Tony: Oh well *takes out a camera* selfie!
Candice: What are you guys doing!?
Tony: Living our best life's
Candice: Shrignold's drowning!
Colin: This ain't about him
Candice: God damn it I'M COMING *She runs over and jumps in the water, swimming over to him*
Paige: JUST EAT THE WATER YOU'LL BE FINE!
Shrignold: Ok!
Candice: NO DON'T DO THAT
Shrignold: Mmm tastes like pollution
Paige: Nice!
Candice: *Grabs him* CONTAMINATED WATER MAKES YOUR TEETH GO GREY
Shrignold: Aw man
Tony: *Looking at the selfie* WAIT WHO DREW ON MY FACE!?
Paige: It was I!
Tony: Right of course, well you are pretty good at drawing moustaches
Paige: Why thank you
Colin; You could get away with murder I hope you realize that
Paige: I already have
Colin: What?
Paige: What?

*Four hours later they are all sat round the campfire, Shrignold has a towel over him*
Shrignold: Colin I understand you now, water is terrifying
Colin: I don't like water because just touching it could kill me, you don't like water because fish are stronger than you, we are not the same
Larry: Sup bitches
Tony: Where the hell have you been all day?
Larry: I met God
Candice: What was she like?
Larry: Scary as fuck
Candice: Hot
Butch: I brought marshmallows! *he hands them out*
Paige: What do we do with these again?
Butch: Roast them
Paige: Oh okay *to the marshmallow* yo mama so stupid she tried to buy drugs at the HIGH way
Butch:
Butch: Roast it over the fire
Paige: Ohhhhh right
Larry: Does anyone have sunscreen?
Colin: You can't get sunburnt from a campfire
Larry: It's for a my marshmallow you idiot
Colin: Of course it is
Shrignold: I have some
Larry: Thanks bud *takes the cream and puts it over the marshmallow before putting it above the fire
Tony: Larry are you on drugs?
Larry: What's a drugs? I only know my sweet drink *takes a bottle out of the void and drinks from it*
Butch: Hey hold on you left all your alcohol back at the house
Larry: You fool those bottles were empty, I already had a secret stash in the car hahahaha
Tony: I knew it was too easy
Paige: Uh let's change the subject
Colin: Sure, want to hear a joke? what did the robot say to the centipede-
Shrignold: Ok
Colin: He did not say "ok" you stupid motherfucker
Tony: Aaaaaand it's bedtime, EVERYONE GET IN YOUR TENTS
Larry: Yay bedtime is my favourite time

Butch: This is going to be a long night
Larry: I should warn you I'm a clingy sleeper haha
Butch: A what?
Larry: I will cling to anything and anyone close to me
Butch: Right, you and Shrignold swap places, I'm not having you next to me
Larry: Okay
*They swap*
Butch: Good *lays down and faces away from them* goodnight
Larry: *Turns to Shrignold* Guess I'm gonna be huggin you
Shrignold: Ew
Larry: No homo
Shrignold: Oh okay

Tony: I hope I don't have that weird dream again
Colin: What weird dream?
Tony: The one where robot Kurt Cobain forced me to marry him it was horrible
Colin: You wouldn't marry robot Kurt Cobain?
Tony: Of course not
Colin: I would
Tony: What? no you wouldn't you said you like people in formal wear
Colin: Which he would be wearing at our wedding because that's what people wear to weddings ya ding dong
Tony:
Tony: I dress formally
Colin: Yeah, you do
*Pause*
Tony: *clears throat* Anyway so how do you think the universe was created?
Colin: Is this just the kind of stuff you talk about in the middle of the night?
Tony: Look I'm a but nervous, I've never slept outside before...Slenderman isn't real right?
Colin: Aww Tony don't wowwy I wiw pwotect you
Tony: Why are you baby talking me?
Colin: Because you're scared of the dark
Tony: *Narrows eyes* I hate you
Colin: *Smiles* Hate you too

Butch: *Very tired*
Shrignold & Larry: *Clapping hands* My boyfriend gave me an apple, my boyfriend gave me a pear, my boyfriend gave me a kiss on the cheek and threw me down the stairs! I gave him back his apple, I gave him back his pear, I gave him back his kiss on the cheek and threw him down the stairs! I threw him over London, I threw him over France, I threw him over USA and saw his underpants! his underpants were yellow, his underpants were white his underpa-
Butch: SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
*Pause*
Larry: Oof someone's grumpy
Butch: That's it *picks up his sleeping bag and exits the tent*
Shrignold: Where are you going?
Butch: I'm sleeping outside so I don't have to deal with you two *zips the tent up*
Larry:
Larry: Wanna do another song?
Shrignold: Yes!

*A few hours later Colin is woken up by a noise outside his tent*
Colin: Psst Tony *shakes him* Tony wake up
Tony: Hm? what's wrong?
Colin: There's something outside
Tony: It's probably an animal or something
*A branch snaps*
Colin: It sounds big
Tony: It's probably nothing
*They hear growling*
Tony: Never mind, do we have any weapons?
Colin: Why would I bring weapons to a camping trip?
Tony: In case of dangerous animals!?
Colin: Tony we live in England, we don't have dangerous animals
*Something hits the top of their tent, the two cling to each other*
Tony: Is it Slenderman!?
Colin: Slenderman doesn't growl he has no face he is silent
*The thing moves to the front of their tent and starts to unzip it, the two cling to each other tighter and then the front is open, there is a flash of light and the two scream*
Paige: HAHAHA PRANKED
Tony: Wait what?
Candice: Haha you two were terrified!
Colin: YOU LITTLE BITCH *He grabs his pillow and chases her out the tent, hitting her with it* WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT
Candice: CALM DOWN IT'S JUST A PRANK
Tony: Whose idea was that?
Paige: Haha it was mine
Tony: Of course it was
Paige: Wow Colin is really mad
Tony: Yeah I should do something about that *walks over* hey hey Colin
Colin: WHAT!?
Tony: *Takes the pillow* Come on deep breaths, she's just being annoying
Colin: You got that right
Candice: Oh hey! wanna see what I got?
Colin: On my nerves?
Candice: Yes but also I took a picture of youse when we opened the tent and *shows them the photo* you guys are adorable
Tony: Oh sorry for that
Colin: For what?
Tony: I touched you without asking
Colin: Oh yeah you did do that *he looks confused* weird it didn't feel bad
Shrignold: What's going on?
Paige:
Paige: Why are you wearing Larry like a scarf?
Shrignold: He's a clingy sleeper
Paige: Huh

*The next morning*
Candice: *Is outside Shrignold and Larry's tent* Knock knock
Shrignold: Whose there?
Candice: Shrignold open the door
Shrignold: Shrignold open the door who?
Candice: I'M NOT TELLING A JOKE
Shrignold: I don't get it
Candice: *Sighs and opens the door herself*
Larry: Hi Candy!
Candice: Yeah hi, where's Butch?
Larry: He slept outside cus we irritating
Candice: Where abouts?
Larry: No idea
*Candice rolls her eyes and then goes back to looking around*
Paige: Any luck?
Candice: Nope it's like he vanished, really weird he loves making breakfast
Paige: Hmm a missing persons case? I'll recruit the brains
*They do that*
Candice: So he left the tent last night to sleep outside and that's the last anyone saw of him
Paige: Why did he leave the tent?
Larry: He didn't like our singing
Tony: Understandable
Colin: Well his sleeping bag is over here and there's his footprints leading to the forest
Paige: Oh wow I can barely even see those
Colin: I have computery eyes
Tony: Great job as always Colin
Colin: Thank you *smiles*
Larry: Heyy so also I heard you call Candice a bitch last night, maybe don't do that cus you might summon the worm
Colin: Oh god I forgot about him
Shrignold: What worm?
Larry: A worm showed up out of nowhere to rant about friendship and then Candy threw him out
Tony: I doubt he'll ever come back

*Meanwhile*
Gilbert: *Looking in the windows of their house*
Warren: Hey!
Gilbert: *Screams* I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING
Warren: Whoa calm down, are you friends with the guys who live here? so am I!
Gilbert: Well not really, I'm just looking for Shrignold
Warren: What's a Shrignold?
Gilbert: He's a part of my family, we promote love and worship our king, I have a letter for him
Warren: Cool! let's wait inside for him to come back
Gilbert: It's locked
Warren: Don't worry I have a spare key *picks up a brick* that's how much they all like me *smashes a window* come on in, we can order food and watch movies
Gilbert: Uhh okay?

Colin: Look his chef hat
Candice: *Picks it up* Looks like he did go this way
Colin: Well yeah we've been following his footprints
Candice: Eh I thought you were full of it
Shrignold: Uhh guys? does this seem like a problem?
*They all look and there's a huge footprint on the ground*
Larry: Dang, you know what they say about big feet
Paige: You gotta wear big shoes?
Larry: Yep and you know what they say about big shoes
Paige: They're really expensive?
Larry: Yep it's a nightmare
*They all hear a loud noise, they look over and see a giant ape like creature tearing apart a tree, they all duck down and hide behind bushes*
Colin: Huh it's a sasquatch
Tony: Bigfoot is real?
Paige: Of course, did you not know?
Shrignold: Maybe it'll know what happened to Butch
Candice: It'll probably rip you apart if you ask
*The bigfoot starts walking away*
Colin: Let's follow it
Tony: Careful it doesn't hear us
*They follow it and see it walk into a cave*
Paige: Oooh I spy with my little eye a spooky cave
Shrignold: That isn't how you play the game
Candice: *Goes to walk in*
Tony: *Grabs her arm* No
Candice: What do you mean no? what if Butch is in there?
Tony: We can't just walk in we have no idea what's in there
Paige: Sure we can *is holding a gun* we have self defence
Tony: Where did you get that!?
Paige: Found it
Shrignold: Please don't shoot Bigfoot I have to help it find it's special one
*A noise is heard inside the cave*
Tony: Everyone get behind me
Paige: I have a clear shot
*A bear walks out*
Candice: Oh wow that's it?
Paige: Aww it's cute
Shrignold: Don't bears eat people?
Colin: Only if they feel threatened
*The bears growls*
Tony: I think it feels threatened
*They back away, Paige walks forward*
Tony: Paige no!
Paige: *Puts their hands out* Hey easy, easy
*The bear calms down*
Paige: Aww aren't you a good bear? *pets it*
*The bear happily wags it's tail*
Tony: What is happening right now?
Colin: I could not tell you
Candice: What do you think cooked bear tastes like?
Shrignold: Don't you dare it's too cute to kill
*Suddenly the bear looks scared and runs away*
Shrignold: Look what you did
Candice: *Turns around* GUYS IT WASN'T ME
*They all turn around and see another bigfoot there*
Paige: *shoots it in the shoulder* Cool I shot Bigfoot!
Candice: YOU JUST MADE IT ANGRIER
Tony: EVERYONE RUN
*They all run and get separated, the bigfoot decides to follow Tony and Colin, they find a boat and get in turning it on, they get out into the water and it stops following them, instead turning back*
Tony: We lost it
Colin: Those things are fast
Tony: Of course they are they're huge
Colin: Wait a moment
Tony: What?
Colin: WE'RE SURROUNDED BY WATER *Clings to Tony*
Tony: Colin it's fine I'll just pull over to the side *turns the wheel* I said I'll just pull over to the side *turns the wheel* I SAID-
Colin: Is the boat broken?
Tony: Looks like it
Colin: Coolcoolcoolcool
Tony: You okay?
Colin: HAHA NOPE
Tony: It's fine the boats going straight, we'll hit land at some point we just have to jump out and-
Candice: *Jumps into the boat* Hey guys! why are you in a boat?
Tony: Bigfoot hates water
Candice: Good to know *looks ahead* are you aware there's a waterfall over there?
Colin: WHAT!?
Tony: Oh shit
Colin: WELL I'M DEAD
Tony: No you're not I'll throw you to land if I have to
Colin: I'm too heavy for that, listen if I die-
Tony: You wont
Colin: If I do then there's something you should know-
Candice: I FOUND PLASTIC WRAP
Tony: What?
Candice: It's waterproof! we just have to wrap Colin in it
Tony: Great idea! here I'll help
*They wrap Colin in the plastic wrap until they have none left*
Tony: Now what?
Candice: Now we brace
Colin: I can't see anything
Tony: Don't worry I've got you *he wraps his arms around him and holds him tightly* and I wont let go

*Knock knock*
Warren: Oh that must be the pizza! *he opens the door* thanks mate
Pizza guy: That'll be £24
Warren: Haha cool *turns* Hey Gil you don't happen to have any money on you do you?
Gilbert: Nope
Warren: That's calm, I'm sure my friends don't mind if I use some of theirs *he opens a drawer and takes out some money* there! *he hands it to the pizza guy and closes the door* now then how do you like the movie?
Gilbert: This is your YouTube channel
Warren: Yeah it's great! did you know I have THREE whole subscribers?
Gilbert: Yes you've told me eighteen times
Warren: Pretty cool huh? wanna listen to my podcast?
Gilbert: *Groans*

*Meanwhile up a tree*
Larry: Is it gone?
Paige: Looks like it
Larry: Cool, okay Shrignold we're ready to go down now
Shrignold: *Out of breath* Hold on I'm still recovering after flying you up here
Larry: No worries! I'll just climb down
Paige: Larry no you'll fall
Larry: I'll be fine *slips and falls* Whoops
Shrignold: LARRY *Flies down quickly and catches him and then lowers him down to the ground*
Larry: Wow you saved me! thanks *gives him a kiss on the cheek*
Shrignold: KISSING IS RESERVED FOR SPECIAL ONES ONLY
Larry: But it's my thank you gift
Shrignold: Special ones only
*Paige jumps out the tree and gently floats down to the ground*
Larry: How did you do that?
Paige: I'm paper
Shrignold: So any ideas where the others are?
Paige: Nope!
Larry: Oh hey look at that
*They look and see a bottle of wine just sitting there*
Paige: That is the most obvious fae trap I've ever seen
Larry: I'm gonna go touch it *runs over*
Paige: LARRY NO YOU'RE GONNA GET KIDNAPPED
Charlie: Hey that's mine!
Paige, Larry & Shrignold: *Screams*
Charlie: Wow wow hey little buddy's I don't bite
Paige: Oh you're friendly?
Charlie: I'm always friendly!
Paige: I knew you weren't all bad
Shrignold: Do you ever feel lonely?
Charlie: What?
Larry: Have you seen a blue guy, a red guy, a metal guy and a green gal anywhere?
Charlie: Hmm can't say I've seen a blue guy, a metal guy and a green gal but there's a red guy back at the hideout, great cook!
Paige: That's Butch! can you take us there?
Charlie: Usually only Bigfoots are allowed buuut I kinda like you guys so sure I'll take you

Colin: Ugh what happened? *he looks around seeing he in on the floor of a cave that is behind the waterfall they went over, Tony is sat beside him* where are we?
Tony: Behind the waterfall, are you alright? did any water get in you?
Colin: *Stands up* Nope, don't think so
Tony: *Stands up* Right good
Candice: I can smell food *points* Butch is this way *turns* Colin can you light it up?
Colin: I can *he turns his screen brightness up* are you sure he's in here?
Candice: Yes, I recognize the smell, let's go *she starts walking*
Tony: Welp here we go I guess
*Tony and Colin follow her until they hear strange noises, peeking around a corner they see a large amount of Bigfoots all standing around looking at a throne above them which Butch is sat in*
Colin: *Turns his screen brightness down to the lowest it can go* Looks like we found him
Tony: Why is he up there?
Candice: More importantly, how can I get to him?
Colin: Maybe we could-
Candice: No not we just me
Colin: Why?
Candice: Because you're both too noisy
Tony: No we're not
Candice: You tick and *turns to Colin* that fan inside your head can get real loud sometimes, seriously you sound like a plane taking off
*A bigfoot is walking in their direction*
Candice: *Whispers* Watch us hide and be quiet and still get caught
*They hide and be quiet and get caught, the bigfoot takes them over so they're in front of the throne*
Candice: Butch what's going on? why are you on a throne?
*Butch walks down the stairs and looks at them and then turns to the bigfoots and starts growling, they all look at each other happily*
Tony: Um what's happening?
Colin: I think they're communicating
Candice: Tell them to let us go
*Butch quickly leans over and whispers "help" before going back to his throne*
*The Bigfoots grab them and take them away, Colin starts screaming from the contact but isn't strong enough to get out of their grip*
*And now they're all in a cage hanging off the bottom of a cliff very high up, Tony is calming Colin down*
Tony: You're alright I'm here *hesitates for a moment* um can I touch you?
Colin: *Nods*
Tony: *Takes his head and moves it so it's against his chest* Hear my heartbeat? just focus on that
*Colin visibly calms down*
Candice: *Is feeling very much like a third wheel* Once we save Butch I'm gonna kill him

*Meanwhile*
Charlie: Hey guys! I found some new friends! they're not Bigfoots but they're really cool! I think we should all be buddies, what do y'all think?

*And now Paige, Shrignold and Larry are also in a hanging cage, not too far from the other one*
Shrignold: Hm we're in a pickle
Paige: No we're in a cage
Larry: We're all in a pickle
Shrignold: What does that mean?
Larry: Earth is a pickle
Paige: *Notices the other cage* Oh hi guys!
Tony: Oh hello Paige, where have you been?
Paige: We made friends with one of the Bigfoots but the other ones didn't like us
Larry: Why is Butch a king now?
Candice: I have no idea, anyone know how to get out of here?
Shrignold: Ask Colin he's the smart one
Tony: Give him a moment he's still recovering
Larry: Alrighty then I'll just *starts smoking*
Paige: Watcha doin?
Larry: Smoking my smart weed, I'm starter when I'm high
Tony: You're WHAT
Larry: If we swing the cages towards each other, one of us can grab the rope to the other one and climb up to the top of the cliff and then pull up the other cage
*Pause*
Candice: Huh you really do get smart

*The Bigfoots are preparing the feast*
Charlie: Dang I really thought we could've all been friends *sighs sadly*
Butch: What are they doing?
Charlie: They're preparing so you can cook the others and we can all eat together
Butch: Wait what
Charlie: And then they'll eat you as well
*Pause*
Charlie: Hello? *turns and sees Butch is gone* Oh he left
*The other Bigfoots notice his absence and start roaring angerly*

*The two cages swing close but not close enough*
Tony: AGAIN
Larry: ALMOST THERE
*They swing again and are able to grab the bars of the other cage*
Paige: Yeah we did it!
Shrignold: But whose going to climb the rope?
Candice: Us of course, can't expect you weaklings to do it
Larry: Usa strong!
*Candice, Colin and Tony climb the rope and get their cage on top off the cliff and then kick at the bars which breaks easily cus they're make of wood, they climb out*
Colin: Good to be out of there
Tony: How are you feeling now?
Colin: A lot better, thank you
Tony: You calmed down a lot quicker than normal, guess we found something that works huh?
Colin: *Nervously looks away, the whirring gets louder* Guess we did
Candice: Hey aeroplane head come help me pull this cage up
Colin: Wh- oh right
*The three pull up the other cage and free the others*
Paige: Now we gotta figure out how to save Butch
Shrignold: There he is *points*
*Everyone looks over and sees Butch running towards him shouting something*
Candice: Oh hey he freed himself
Tony: What's he saying?
Larry: Colin use your computery ears
Colin:...He's saying run?
Paige: Why would he want us to run?
*A huge group of Bigfoots appear behind him chasing him*
Tony: OH THATS WHY
Colin: YEAH LETS RUN
*They all run, Charlie runs ahead of the other Bigfoots and picks up Butch*
Butch: PUT ME DOWN
Charlie: NO IT'S OKAY I'M ON YOUR SIDE *He runs faster so he's just behind the others* QUICK INTO THAT CAVE!
Paige: WHAT CAVE!?
Charlie: TRUST ME IT'S THERE IT'S JUST HIDEN
*They all go where he tells them and end up in secret cave, the Bigfoots run past them not being able to see where they went*
Colin: Wow that worked?
Shrignold: Um who is he?
*They look and see Slenderman*
Tony: W-wait is that?
Charlie: Slenderman? yep, it's chill tho he's a friend of mine, isn't that right Slendy?
Slenderman: *Thumbs up*
Colin: Slenderman's a good guy?
Charlie: Yeah, he's gonna take you back to your campsite, he can teleport
Shrignold: Hey Slendy do you ever get lonely?
Tony: Shrignold don't even start with that

*Once they all get back to the campsite they decide it would be best to just go home so they get everything back in the car and head back*
Butch: How did you guys escape those cages by the way?
Candice: Larry smoked weed
Butch: WHAT!?
Larry: Smart weed
Butch: Never do that again
Larry: Why?
Butch: Listen my uncles dogs cousin smoked weed once and now I'm gay-
Larry: Nice
Butch: NO
Shrignold: Is that where gay people come from?
Larry: Yea
Tony: What? no it's not, gay people come from the same place everyone else comes from
Larry: Oh yeah? whose he gonna believe?
Tony: Me obviously
Shrignold: Larry
Tony: WHAT!?
Shrignold: Like I'm gonna believe someone who fell for updog
Tony: *Looks at Colin*
Colin: Told ya I was gonna tell everyone
Butch: Oh heyy look at that we're home
Colin: Thank god
*They get out the car*
Shrignold: Well it's been good but I should get back now
Larry: Goodbye hug?
Shrignold: No you don't get anything, I'm still mad at you for kissing me WHICH IS RESERVED FOR SPECIAL ONES ONLY BY THE WAY so goodbye *he flies away*
Candice: You what?
Paige: Oh hey our window's broken *looks inside* oh
Tony: What is it?
Paige: Uhh so update, the worm is back, yikes
Tony: Fuck sake *opens the door*
Warren: Oh heyyy! I was wondering when you guys would get back
Gilbert: Hey is Shrignold with any of you?
Paige: He just left to go home
Gilbert: H-he went home? I waited here with HIM *Gestures to Warren* FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS WAITING FOR SHRIGNOLD AND HE JUST GOES HOME?
Tony: Yes?
Gilbert: That's fine *smiles* I will go speak to him there then *he leaves calmly*
Paige: Mother of all mood swings
Colin: Gilbert joined Shrignolds weird love cult?
Warren: Bye Gil! so, who wants a restaurant style meal?
Tony: *Sighs in annoyance*

Chapter Text

Tony: WARREN FOR THE LAST TIME NO
Warren: I don't think you're really thinking this through
Tony: Okay let me think, hmm, still no
Warren: But you love pizza!
Tony: I do love pizzer but I'm not eating with with you
Warren: Please?
Tony: No
Colin: Warren why don't you ask Joe? he'd love to get a restaurant style meal with you
Warren: Great! whose Joe-
Colin: JOE MAMA *Wheeze* gottem
Warren:
Warren: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Colin: It's not that funny
Warren: OF COURSE IT IS THAT'S WHY I'M LAUGHING
Tony: I'm getting a headache
Colin: Can't be me *turns down hearing*
Tony: Turn that back up
Colin: Nope
Tony: Suffer with me
Colin: Can't hear you I'm enjoying the silence
Tony: Bitch I will force you to turn it back up
Warren: Hey don't call him that, it's mean
Tony: I do what I want
Candice: Oh the worm is still here
Warren: Eagle
Tony: Why do you keep calling yourself that?
Colin: Eagles have wings and feathers and a beak, you don't have any of those
Warren: On all levels except physical I am an eagle
Butch: I am going to get my gun
Warren: Haha well on that note I should go now it is getting late after all, I'll see you later guys! *he leaves*
Tony: Finally
Candice: *Turns on the tv to the news* Huh, some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today
Larry: *Covered in ink* Well maybe the squid was being a dick
*The all look and see Larry standing with Shrignold and Paige*
Tony: I sent you three there for a fun day out not to fight the sea life
Shrignold: Larry's right the squid was being a *pause* big meanie
Colin: Just say dick
Shrignold: I refuse
Paige: It was fun though!
Tony: Wait *walks over to Paige* Why is your hair wet!?
Paige: I was in the splash zone
Tony: Paige water can kill you!
Paige: Yeah but I'm fine
*There is a knock at the door*
Tony: I SWEAR TO GOD if that worm is back *he opens the door and there is no one there, he looks around and closes it* that was strange *he turns around and sees a very Victorian dressed man sitting in the armchair* um excuse me who are you?
The Coffin Man: Heyyy guys nice house *Looks at Larry and nods* Lawrence
Larry: *Awkwardly nods back*
Paige: You know him?
Larry: Yeeeeah he's my ex
Shrignold: WHAT!?
Colin: He's- *Looks at The Coffin Man and then at Larry* Is he blind?
Larry: Yeah yeah big surprise and all but, why are you here?
The Coffin Man: Because one of you is dead
*Pause*
Tony: That doesn't sound right
The Coffin Man: Well it's true *Holding a clipboard* here I have one Paige
Larry: That's cus you only brought one piece of paper
The Coffin Man:
Candice: I'm surprised it isn't Larry going by what he eats
The Coffin Man: Yes he already has one foot in the grave
Larry: Yeah but in a fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking
The Coffin Man: Are you fucking stupid?
Larry: I mean broadly yeah but what prompted you to ask?
The Coffin Man: *Sighs* We're getting off topic, let's just get to the funeral
Paige: OH I have a special request
The Coffin Man: Go on
Paige: I need the people carrying my coffin to wear sunglasses and dance
Colin: You mean-
Paige I do mean

*Cut to the funeral, four dudes in sunglasses are carrying Paige's coffin whilst dancing, they place the coffin in the hole and leave*
Colin: Beautiful
Tony: I don't understand this
Paige: Hi!
The Coffin Man: Hows the coffin? is it a good fit?
Paige: Yeah it's great, comfy too
The Coffin Man: Good, good, now then you will each take a turn to say what you loved about Paige
Tony: Okay um I love their enthusiasm and curiosity
Colin: I love their music taste and kindness
Shrignold: I love their creativity and style
Candice: I love their skills and confidence
Larry: I love their humour and dreams
Butch: I love their energy and take on food
Paige: Aww you guys
The Coffin Man: That was lovely
Yellow Guy: We'll miss you
Red Guy: Yeah
Tony: Huh didn't know you guys would be here
Yellow Guy: Same
Duck: I don't know how we got here
Paige: I'll miss you guys too! did you keep our agreement to never be creative again?
Yellow Guy: We did
Paige: Cool!
Red Guy: I don't think I would anyway, it was kinda boring
The Coffin Man: Okay! let's get you into the ground
Paige: Bye everyone!
*The coffin lowers and closes*
Shrignold: Now what?
The Coffin Man: Now you all go home
Larry: What about Paige?
The Coffin Man: They stay in the ground, that's what being dead is, off you go now

*The following morning 2:46am*
Colin: *Goes into the living room and sees Tony sitting on the couch by himself in the dark doing nothing* You should get some sleep
Tony: Why aren't you asleep?
Colin: I was worried about you *sits beside him and puts an arm around him*
Tony: This doesn't feel right
Colin: I know
Tony: I wish we could bring them back
Larry: *Pops up out of nowhere* Why don't you go ask?
Tony: Ask who?
Larry: Y'know The Coffin Man, make a deal with him
Tony: I can do that?
Larry: Yeah of course you can
Tony: Where can I find him?
Larry: Eh he usually hangs out at the black market, want me to take you?
Tony: YES PLEASE
Larry: Oh wow you're being polite
Colin: Tony are you sure about this? what if he asks you to do something impossible?
Tony: Hah, everything is possible

*Larry removes a manhole cover*
Larry: Ok get in
Tony: What?
Larry: Look the black market's very illegal it's not just gonna be out in the open, so come on *he climbs down the ladder*
*Tony and Colin reluctantly follow, after a bit of walking they come across a very sketchy marketplace*
Larry: Remember these guys are all criminals so be super cool or they might stab ya or somethn
Tony: No problem I'm cool, right Colin?
Colin:
Colin: Maybe you shouldn't speak until we see The Coffin Man
Tony: Oh come on
Larry: Ha even your booooooy friend with a space in the middle your friend who is a boy doesn't think you're cool
Tony: Why can't you just speak normally?
*The three make their way through, passing many illegal things*
Tony: What even is half this stuff?
Larry: Eh the usual, drugs, guns, furniture made out of flesh, longpig
Tony: The hell is longpig?
*Pause*
Colin: *Pats his shoulder* It's okay
Tony: No really why is the pig long? have they been modified in some way? why would someone want a long pig?
Colin: I'll tell you when we get home
Larry: Oh look we're here
Tony: Organ trade? are you sure he's here?
Larry: He always is, just go inside, I'll just wait here and- *sees Roy* hey! Roy pal! remember when I drowned your son in oil? haha fun times
Colin: Oh it's him
Tony: Yeah let's just go
*Tony and Colin go inside, at the end of a dark hallway they find an office*
Tony: He's not even here
The Coffin Man: Looking for me?
Tony: Oh there you are, and yes
The Coffin Man: *goes over to his desk and sits down* Had a feeling I'd see you again, let me guess you want me to bring back Paige?
Tony: Yes I do
The Coffin Man: That's expected, you're at the bargaining stage, what's your name?
Tony: It's Tony
The Coffin Man: And you teach time?
Tony: Yes
The Coffin Man: You of all people should understand that everyone runs out of time
Tony: Can we make a deal?
The Coffin Man: Larry told you to do that didn't he?
Tony: He did yes
The Coffin Man: *Sighs* Alright *he turns around and opens an old box, taking out a scroll and then handing it to Tony* Written here is a quest, if you complete it and come back then I will bring back your friend
Tony: *Takes the scroll* Just like that?
The Coffin Man: Just like that
Tony: Wow thank you! come on Colin *he practically runs out*
Colin: Tony slow down!
Tony: Why? Larry's idea worked!
Colin: We don't even know what he's asking us to do
Larry: Oh hey guys how'd it go? I ate two corndogs
Tony: We made a deal, if we complete this quest he'll bring Paige back!
Larry: That's great! we should go back and tell the others

*Back at the house Tony is stood screaming to wake everyone up*
Butch: IT'S 5AM WHY ARE YOU WAKING US UP!?
Tony: BECAUSE WE'RE BRINGING PAIGE BACK!
Butch: We are!?
Tony: Yes, I made a deal with The Coffin Man
Candice: What do we have to do?
Tony: Let's find out *he opens the scroll and reads it* right so we have to go through a tomb open a door and kill a giant Egyptian God
Butch: Oh is that all?
Tony: Yes actually
Candice: I've always wanted to kill a God
Colin: That's not actually as bad as I was expecting
Butch: What were you expecting?
Colin: Having to go to a distant planet and climb up a cliff and being told by a red guy that to get what we want we have to sacrifice what we love most
Candice: Nerd
Larry: I'd have to sacrifice so much beer
Tony: (To Colin) Paige is already gone so I guess I'd have to sacrifice you
Colin: Me?
Tony: Yes?
Colin: Oh wow I didn't know you thought so highly of me
Tony: Well of course I do, it's not going to be any of them *vestures to the others*
Colin: Right yeah that makes sense
Tony: Who would you have to sacrifice?
Colin: *Whirring get's louder* Um you I guess
Tony: *Smiles* Thank you
Butch: Can we cut the bromance?
Tony: Yes we should really get moving and complete this quest quickly
Shrignold: *Flies in through a window* I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD
Larry: Yay you got my texts!
Shrignold: How couldn't I you sent a picture of Ryan Reynolds dressed as a turkey over five hundred times
Larry: It changed my life and now it has changed yours
Tony: Well wings can be useful, NOW LET'S GO

*Cut to everyone being in the jungle*
Butch: Were the fuck are we?
Tony: *Calling up to Shrignold who is above the trees* Shrignold do you see anything!?
Shrignold: *Flies down* Just trees and mountains
Colin: Screw it I'm going up *starts climbing the tree*
Tony: Are you sure that's safe? what if you fall?
Candice: Then you catch him
Colin: That's a terrible idea he would break a few bones, maybe even more than a few depending on the angle he caught me at and the way he was standing
Tony: I'll just climb up with you
Butch: We'll stay here on the ground
*Tony and Colin climb up into the tree*
Larry: *Gasp* Candice
Candice: What?
Larry: Tony and Colin sitting in a tree L-O-O-K-I-N-G F-O-R W-H-E-R-E W-E H-A-V-E T-O G-O T-O S-A-V-
Butch: Stop spelling words you're going to hurt yourself
Larry: Thank you for looking out for me
*Like ten minutes later Tony and Colin climb back down*
Colin: Told you it was fine
Larry: Sooo what did you guys do up there?
Tony: Found the direction we need to go to find the tomb
Larry: Did you hold ha-
*Candice stomps on his foot*
Larry: Ouch why did you do that?
Colin: *Clears throat* Follow me I know where we're going
Candice: (Whispering) Do you have any idea how to keep a secret?
Larry: (Whispering) We're suppose to keep it a secret?
Candice: (Whispering) Well duh
Larry: (Whispering) How are we suppose to help them get together then?
Candice: (Whispering) By finding a more subtle way of hinting it
Larry: (Whispering) Ahh gotcha
Shrignold: Hey we sharing secrets?
Larry: Nope
Shrignold: Aww man *screams*
Colin: What happened!?
Shrignold: I LOOKED DOWN AND THERE WAS A HUGE SPIDER RIGHT BESIDE MY FOOT MY LIFE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES
Larry: How many times have you done that?
Shrignold: Way more than I probably should
Candice: Are you scared of spiders?
Shrignold: Haha no that would be stupid
Candice: Okay good because THERE'S ON ON YOUR HEAD
*Shrignold starts screaming and trying to get it off*
Candice: I was kidding
Shrignold: YOU NEED MALCOLM
Tony: Hey guys we have a problem
*They all look and see they've reached a cliff and the only way to the other side is to cross a very unstable looking bridge*
Tony: We should find another way
Colin: That would take hours
Tony: The wood is decomposing, if it breaks you're falling into the water down there
Candice: I'm sure it's fine *walks on*
Butch: CANDICE STOP
Candice: It's fine look *keeps walking* come on
Larry: Okidoki *Walks on* huh
Colin: Yep it's all good
Tony: *Sighs* Fine, permission to touch?
Colin: Sure?
Tony: *Takes his hand* I'm keeping a hold of you just in case
Colin: *Smiling* Well if it makes you feel better
*Larry and Candice notice and smirk at each other*
Candice: Butch come on!
*Butch slowly puts a foot on the bridge and then the other one, it squeaks as he walks but as he get's to the middle and it still hasn't broken he feels better*
Butch: Huh this is a lot more stable than it looks *the wood underneath him breaks and he falls but is able to grab another piece of the bridge* I WAS WRONG
Candice: BUTCH *Runs over and grabs him, pulling him up*
Larry: *Runs over and helps*
Butch: I should have trusted my instincts
Shrignold: Are you okay!?
Butch: No I nearly died
Larry: The near death experience club grows more everyday

*After getting off the bridge they notice it's getting dark and stop to set up camp*
Tony: I wish we had food
Butch: Say no more *Takes a whole bunch of food out of his bag*
Tony: Oh wow
Candice: *Takes a whole bunch of food out of her bag* You would be lost without us
Tony: Did you bring pizzer?
Butch: Yes
Tony: Hallelujah there is a God
Shrignold: And his name is Malcolm
Candice: I thought he was a King?
Shrignold: He is everything
Tony: *Goes over to sit with Colin who is sitting on a log looking at the sky* I'm just going to sit with you to avoid the Malcolm preaching
Colin: Wonderful idea
Tony: *Looks up* So any planets?
Colin: *Points* Mars, Jupiter, Saturn and Uranus
Larry: Why are you guys talking about butts?
Colin: What?
Larry: I heard anus
Colin:
Colin: URANUS
Larry: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MINE!?
Colin: THE PLANET
Larry: Hey come on it's not that big
Colin: Jesus fucking Christ
Larry: Haha I'm just messing with you, I know what Uranus is
Colin: I'm surprised
Larry: Hey I have stars on my FACE of course I know
Butch: Pizzas done
Tony: NICE
*They all ate food wow except Colin because he cannot eat*
Tony: And now we sleep
Larry: We should all huddle for warmth
Butch: I would rather freeze to death
Larry: But huddling is fun you get to hug people
Colin: I think I'll sleep on the opposite side away from Larry
Larry: Suit yourself
*Colin lays down on the ground, Tony lays down next to him*
Tony: Is it too cold for you?
Colin: Not really, besides I can do this *heats himself up*
Shrignold: Woaa you have internal heating
Colin: We all do
Larry: Not me I have an iron deficiency
Candice: That's because you eat like shit
Larry: I have never eaten shit in my life
Butch: If you had I would kick you out of the house
Larry: Noted
Tony: Hey uh Colin?
Colin: Yeah?
Tony: Well uh since it's kinda chilly now and you're so warm um could we *pause* huddle as well? we don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable
Colin: Um sure yeah, that's fine
Tony: Okay then
*The two awkwardly put their arms around each other*
Candice: Cute
Larry: Very cute
Shrignold: Don't worry Tony when Paige is back you can do that with them instead!
Tony: Shut the fuck up Shrignold
Shrignold: Ok! he's a little cranky because it's bedtime
Candice: *Slowly blinks at him*

*The next day*
Butch: I'm so tired, how long have we been walking?
Tony: Three hours
Butch: Ugh
Shrignold: It's not that bad
Butch: You don't get to add to this you've been riding on my shoulders all day
Shrignold: I like it, it makes me feel tall
Larry: Wanna ride on mine?
Shrignold: No I feel like I'd get blinded by your light
Butch: You will that's why I don't stand next to him
Larry: Huh really? I thought it was because you didn't like me
Butch: It's a bit of both really
Colin: This is the most confusing map I've ever read, I bet he made it like this on purpose
Candice: Are we lost?
Colin: No
Candice: I can't believe we're lost
Colin: WE'RE NOT LOST
Larry: I can't believe it's not butter
Tony: Here let me see *he takes the map*
Shrignold: Ooh good idea love will guide him
Colin: That's not a thing
Shrignold: Oh sure it is
*Tony starts walking and everyone follows, they find the tomb*
Tony: Oh hey we were right next to it
Shrignold: Yeah! I knew you'd lead us there
Tony: Hey don't give me all the credit, Colin got us most of the way there *He goes over to inspect the door*
Candice: *Whispering* Heyyy I think Tony likes you
Colin: *Whispering* No he's just being friendly, besides he likes Paige
Candice: *Whispering* You can like two people at once
Larry: *Whispering* Oooh Colin and Tony sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g
Colin: *Whispering* Are you five?
Candice: *Whispering* I'm calling it now he likes you and doesn't realize it yet
Shrignold: *Whispering* What are you all whispering about?
Colin: That's none of your concern
Tony: Colin come here I need your brains
Colin: Oh look my friend is calling his friend who is me over *he goes over to Tony* yes friend what do you need?
Tony: Look *he shows him the map which has four symbols on the bottom and then the stone door which has three different symbols and one which is the same*
Colin: *Is processing*
Larry: *Walks over and pushes on a symbol which spins to match the one on the map*
Tony & Colin: Ohhh
Larry: Looks like I'm the science guy now *he spins the rest of the symbols until they match*
Tony: Okay what now?
Colin: It should open?
*The floor under them opens and they all fall through into a room, they get up and notice the pit in front of them which is full of spikes and then see the door they need to go through is on the other side*
Candice: Hey Shrignold think you can fly us across?
Shrignold: Haha nope
Candice: You need to hit the gym
Shrignold: Why would I hit a building?
*The wall behind them starts moving forward*
Butch: WAIT THAT WALL'S MOVING
Shrignold: IT'S GOING TO PUSH YOU ALL IN
Candice: It's fine I got this *starts pushing the wall and it does nothing* never mind
Colin: Okay okay this is fine I just need to figure out how to get us to that door before the wall pushes us in
Candice: Take your time I'm sure it's fine
Larry: NO IT ISN'T WE'RE GONNA DIE
Candice: I KNOW I'M TRYING TO KEEP HIM CALM
Tony: Colin you got anything? ANYTHING AT ALL?
Colin: *Stares down at the pit of spikes for a moment and then jumps in*
Tony: COLIN NO-
*Colin lands on something that is above the spikes*
Colin: I knew it! there's a thick layer of glass here, it's all good *pause* Tony you okay?
Tony: *Visibly shaken* Yeah give me a moment my heart leapt into my throat
*Everyone walks on the glass across the room and into the next room*
Larry: Cool there's nothing between us and the door
Candice: This seems too easy
*The door closes*
Butch: It heard you
*They walk up to the door and try to open it but it wont budge*
Butch: Wait look there's a hole here, it might go to the other side
Tony: It's tiny
Shrignold: Hey I can fit through there, wanna know why?
Butch: Why?
Shrignold: Cus I'm little *he crawls through the hole with ease and gets to the other side of the door* I'm on the other side
Colin: Good, do you see a way to open the door?
Shrignold: Yeah there's a lever *he starts walking towards it but then a giant spider descends from the ceiling and stands on the door* GUYS THERE'S A HUGE SPIDER
Candice: I thought you said you weren't scared of spiders?
Shrignold: I LIED I AM VERY SCARED
Colin: Do you see anything you can use as a weapon?
Shrignold: There's an axe *picks it up*
Colin: Use it to dispose of the spider
Shrignold: Okay yeah use the axe on the spider, use the axe on the spider, use the axe on the spider
Candice: We might be here for a while
*The ceiling starts lowering*
Tony: WE DON'T HAVE A WHILE, SHRIGNOLD OPEN THE DOOR
Colin: OPEN IT
Butch: SHRIGNOLD NOW
Candice: SHRIGNOLD OPEN THE DOOR OR I'LL KILL YOU
Larry: Hold on dial it back a bit, Shrignold buddy it's ok, I believe in you please open the door
Shrignold: Okay I can do this I can do this
Tony: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS OPEN THE DOOR
Colin: WE ARE GOING TO DIE
Candice: OPEN THE DOOR
*Shrignold takes a deep breath and approaches the spider, it hisses at him and he screams and hits it with the axe and then quickly opens the door, everyone runs out of the room*
Tony: HOLY SHIT THAT'S BIG
Shrignold: I TOLD YOU IT WAS
Candice: Damn you killed that thing? props to you
Larry: SHRIGNOLD ARE YOU OKAY!?
Shrignold: *Hugs him* That was the second scariest moment of my life
Larry: *Hugs back* What was the first?
Shrignold: Being chased by a homicidal teddy bear
Butch: Hey guys what's that whooshing sound?
*They all walk through to the next room and see the door they are here for except it's on the other side of the room and there are a lot of traps between, fire, poisonous darts, swinging axes all that good stuff*
Shrignold: I'm not going through that
Candice: How the hell??
Colin: That's what I'm trying to figure out
Tony: Wait I think I did
Colin: And?
Tony: There's a rhythm to the timing of the traps, listen *pause* one two three, one two three
Colin: A waltz?
Tony: Yeah I think that's what we have to do, waltz through
Butch: There's no way
Shrignold: The waltz is the most romantic dance which means, Larry and Candice must do it
Candice: What
Shrignold: Malcolm has decided you are made for each other
Larry: I'm terrible at the waltz I'll stand on her feet and get us both killed
Tony: I tried to teach him once and let's just say both my feet had bruises by the end, besides I'm the one who made the deal so I'll do it
Shrignold: With who?
Colin: Me, I'm a good dancer
Larry: Much better idea
Shrignold: No
Tony: Shrignold I'm trying to get through a bunch of deadly traps to bring my friend back from the dead I really don't care about what's accepted by your King
Shrignold: *Folds his arms* Fine
Tony: Okay, ready?
Colin: Ready
*The two waltz through, everyone watches tense as they just miss getting hit every time, they do a spin and a dip at the end just missing getting decapitated by some blades, the others cheer*
Larry: That was the most tense moment of my life
*The traps shut off*
Tony: I think it's safe to come across now
*They all come across*
Colin: So here's the door
Candice: Time to kill a God
Larry: I am terrified
*The open the door and find an entire desert with a small village*
Colin: How is this possible?
*A mouse runs up to them*
Little Mouser: Finally you have arrived!
Tony: You were expecting us?
Little Mouser: Yes it was foretold you would arrive to kill *pause* that
*Right on cue a giant creature that kinda resembles the autism creature except it's wearing a Nemes and has angry eyebrows (yeah idk this part is based on a weird dream I had)*
Candice: Huh so that's the God
Little Mouser: Here I bring many weapons! good luck to you all *runs away*
*Everyone picks up a weapon and then charges towards it, since it's so big they can only really attack it's feet, Shrignold flies up and uses his weapon of choice which is a bow and arrow but the arrows only scratch it*
Shrignold: This isn't working!
Candice: It has to have a weak point right?
Colin: Top of the head, we have to get to the brain
Shrignold: Got it! *he tries to get close but it keeps trying to attack him*
Tony: No good, everyone distract it and I'll climb up
Butch: Why not just get Shrignold to stab it while we distract it?
Tony: Because he has flimsy arrows, I have a sword which he can't hold because he has little arms!
Butch: Alright then
*Everyone distracts the creature while Tony climbs it like in Shadow of the Colossus, he get's to the top and stabs the sword right through the top of the head, the creature freezes and starts to fade, when it disappears Tony falls*
Shrignold: TONY *Flies over and grabs his hand but that does nothing cus he just goes down as well and then he drops him*
*Tony falls and Colin catches him in his arms*
Colin: Are you okay?
Tony: *Flustered* I- um I'm-
Colin: Did you hit your head?
Tony: *Clears throat* I-I'm fine *jumps out of his arms and fixes his jacket*
Colin: Well that's good, you were great up there by the way
Tony: Oh thank you
Larry: TONY THAT WAS SO COOL *Running towards him with open arms*
Tony: *Moves out of the way*
Larry: Hey, why'd you move?
Tony: I thought you were going to attack me
Larry: I was going to hug you
Tony: Why would you hug me?
Larry: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
Candice: Hey we did it, we can get Paige back now
Tony: We can! alright everyone let's go

*Back at the Organ Trade*
Tony: Right then we completed your quest, now bring back Paige
The Coffin Man: You what?
Tony: The God, we killed it
The Coffin Man: There's no way
Tony: Yes there is
The Coffin Man: How?
Tony: Sword through the head
The Coffin Man: Do you have proof?
Tony: Um
Colin: I do! I took a video because I had a feeling you would ask *he plays it on his screen*
Tony: Oh wow I do look great
The Coffin Man: Tony *pause* this quest wasn't suppose to be completed
Tony: What do you mean?
The Coffin Man: The quests in this box get you out there in nature, they take a lot of time and it's suppose to lead you to accepting a loved ones death
Tony: So *pause* Paige isn't coming back?
The Coffin Man: I'm sorry but no, this is how it's meant to be
*Tony says nothing, he stares for a moment and then turns and leaves, Colin follows*
Larry: Oh hey guys! guess he was super surprised huh?
Tony: *Nods*
Larry: So what happens now?
Tony: We go home
Larry: What about Paige?
*Tony walks past him*

*Back home*
Candice: That's not fair!
Shrignold: We did what he told us to!
Butch: You should go back and demand for him to bring them back
Tony: I need to be alone right now *He walks over to the calming spot and goes inside, closing the door*
Colin: *Walks over to the front door*
Candice: Where are you going?
Colin: Out
Candice: Tony's crying, he needs comfort
Colin: Then I'll go bring him some *he leaves the house*
Larry: Now what do we do?
*About twenty minutes later*
Colin: *Opens the door* Hey guuuys!
Butch: Why are you so happy?
Colin: I brought a friend
*Paige walks in*
All: PAIGE!?
Paige: Hi again! Being in the ground is super boring
*Everyone runs over and hugs them crying*
Larry: I MISSED YOU
Shrignold: I THROUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN
Tony: *Slowly opens door*....Paige?
Paige: Hi Tony! wow your face is all wet, have you been crying? aww did you miss me? haha
Tony: *Walks over and hugs them tightly* How is this possible?
Paige: Colin dug me up
Tony: You did?
Colin: I understand that eventually everyone runs put of time but I am ignoring that
Tony: Thank you so much
Colin: *Smiles* You're welcome
Tony: *Stops hugging Paige and walks over to Colin* Permission to touch?
Colin: Permission granted
*Tony pulls him into a hug, Colin freezes up and the whirring get's louder*
Candice: Ahem
Colin: *Looks at her*
Candice: *Points at him and mimics hugging*
Colin: Oh right *Hugs Tony back*
Candice: *Thumbs up*
Larry: *Makes a heart symbol with his hands*
Shrignold: They're such good friends
*The moment is interrupted by the door opening and The Coffin Man entering*
The Coffin Man: Okay who broke my coffin?
Tony: *Stops hugging Colin and stands in front of him* No one you can prove
The Coffin Man: *Looks at Paige and then at Tony* Actually you know what? it's fine
Tony: It is?
The Coffin Man: To be fair you did get through a tomb full of traps and kill a giant Egyptian God so, for the first time ever I'm going to let you keep your friend
Larry: Well you're feeling nice
The Coffin Man: I am, plus you did look great stabbing it through the head, I'm impressed
Tony: Thanks The Coffin Man
The Coffin Man: Oh please we're friends now, call me The
Tony: Okay?
The: *Gives him a business card* If you need me again just call, The Black Market is not a good place to be for someone like you, bye now *he leaves*
Colin: That went easier than I was expecting
Larry: Oooooh he likes you
Tony: Oh come on no he doesn't
Larry: Uh yeah he does he told you to call him The and he gave you his number, AND I HEAR WEDDING BELLS, oh you should call him and go on a date
Tony: *Awkwardly laughs* I'll think about it
Paige: You killed an Egyptian God!?
Tony: We did!
Paige: Tell me everything

*Later*
Colin: Hey Larry can I talk to you?
Larry: Yep sure
*They go into a different room*
Colin: You know I like Tony
Larry: Yeah, I do
Colin: Why are you encouraging him to date The Coffin Man?
Larry: To piss you off
Colin: Why?
Larry: Because Coffin Man likes him and if you don't hurry up and ask him out then he will
Colin: *Pause* Makes sense
Larry: Just a lil thing to think about *he walks to the door*
Colin: Larry
Larry: *Stops* Yeah?
Colin: Does Tony uh dream about me?
Larry: Ehhh it's mostly fish
Colin: What?
Larry: Yeah I dunno why like every dream he has is about fish, there is so many fish, I should ask him about that one day, but yeah you're there sometimes too, remember what I said *he leaves*

Chapter Text

Tony: Why the hell are we playing hide and seek?
Larry: To pass the time
Tony: Can we just go home?
Larry: We haven't found Paige yet
Tony: They hurry up and find them
Larry: Why don't YOU find them
Tony: Alright then, washing machines live-
Paige: LONGER WITH CALGON
Tony: They're in that box
Paige: Hey that's cheating!
Larry: Exactly, now we gotta restart the game
Tony: You haven't told me why we're out here and why everyone else is at home
Larry: There was a really big spider so we're keeping you safe
Paige: Yeah like really big, it's actually the son of the one Shrignold killed and it's back for revenge and it thinks you're Shrignold so we gotta keep you safe
Tony: How the hell would it think I'm Shrignold? he's tiny and has wings
Paige: You both have black hair
Tony: Yeah ok, I'm going home
Paige: Nooo why?
Tony: I don't like being separated from Colin, if someone bumps into him he's going to freak out and I'm not there to calm him down
Larry: *Stands in his way* That's sweet but no
Tony: Let me through
Larry: I will not! I am Larry son of Edison and as long as there is light in my breast..I am running out of things to say
Paige: *Looks at their phone and then points at it and gives Larry a thumbs up*
Larry: Oh dang is that the time? we should get going now
Tony: You two are being very weird
Paige: Hey I was thinking, we should all have glowstick juice injected in our bones when we're born so if we break em there's a fun little surprise
Larry: What's the surprise?
Tony: Blood poisoning
Paige: No silly it means we would glow
Larry: Ohhh that would've made that time I fell down the stairs and broke my leg really cool cus it would light up!
Tony: You already light up
Larry: But it would be blue or green or something
Tony: You can get blue and green lightbulbs
Larry: Huh I never thought about that
Paige: Oh look! we have arrived at the house, Tony why don't you go and open the door?
Tony: *Squints suspiciously* Alright *he opens the door and it's dark*
Paige: Wow it sure is dark! why don't you turn on a light?
Tony: If this is a prank I'll never forgive you
*Tony turns on the light and sees the room full of balloons, everyone jumps up*
Everyone: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Tony: Oh it was a surprise birthday party! That makes sense, I guess you two were my distractions
*They go inside*
Tony: Look at all this pizzer!
Butch: All cooked by me
Candice: Excuse you
Butch: Candice helped
Tony: The one in the middle looks especially delicious
Candice: That's a cake
Tony: Oh, looks exactly like a pizzer
Candice: I'm really good at making cakes
Tony: Also why is there a bottle of beer on the table?
Candice: That's also a cake
Tony:...Why?
Larry: *Walks over* Oooh a beer! *picks it up and it falls apart in his hands* NOOO
Tony: Oh that's why
Larry: THIS IS EXACTLY HOW THAT RACOON FELT WHEN IT'S CANDY FLOSS DISINTIGRATED IN THE WATER
Tony: *Laughs*

Colin: *Standing in a corner watching Tony*
Lucy: You look tense
Colin: Yeah *sighs* Larry thinks I should ask out Tony but is that really a good idea?
Lucy: Yep
Colin: Are you sure?
Lucy: Just do it
Colin: *Takes a deep breath* Okay I'm gonna do it- wait
Lucy: What now?
Colin: *Points at Warren* What the hell is he doing here?
Lucy: Who is that?
Colin: His name is Warren, calls himself a friendship expert, no one likes him and if he talks to Tony it's gonna ruin his mood
Lucy: Want me to distract him?
Colin: No I have a better idea

Warren: It has twelve disks which is a whole 960 hours
Brody: Of?
Warren: My podcast, it's the extended cut
Brody: How many listeners do you have?
Warren: Three!
Brody: *Nods* Can I take a photo of you?
Warren: Yeah of course! *he poses*
Brody: *Takes the picture* Thanks
Warren: What's it for?
Brody: My cringe compilation *leaves*
Warren: Cool! welp time to give this to Tony, he's gonna love it and then he's gonna love me and then we're gonna be best buds and go eat pizza-
Colin: Hey Warren
Warren: Huh? *turns around* oh hey!
Colin: This is Shrignold, Shrignold this is Warren, I think you guys are gonna get along great, you're looking for friends, he's looking for cult members
Shrignold: Not a cult
Colin: Yep not a cult, just you two talk *he backs away and breathes a sigh of relief*
Tony: Smart getting those two to talk, now they wont bother anyone else
Colin: Oh hello, happy birthday
Tony: Thank you, Lucy said you wanted to talk to me?
Colin:
Colin: Um haha yeah uh, actually I should get your present first, be right back! *he quickly leaves the room*
*Lucy sees this and facepalms*

*Colin enters the room where he hid Tony's present and sees Shrignold and Paige*
Colin: Shrignold how are you here? you were just in there
Shrignold: I'm hiding from Warren
Colin: It's been less than a minute since I introduced you why are you hiding already?
Shrignold: He wont stop talking about his podcast and smells like he hasn't showered in three years
Paige: Hi Colin! are you here to get Tony's present as well?
Colin: Yes
Shrignold: (To Paige) Oh! please tell me your present is getting back together
Paige: No it's actually this cool monocle I found on the web
Shrignold: Darn
Paige: Shrignold I'm not getting back with Tony, I don't have those types of feelings for him...or for anyone..ever....I don't know why
Colin: Do you know what aromantic means?
Paige: Someone who really likes romance?
Colin: No that's a romantic, aromantic is one word it means someone who feels little to no romantic attraction
Paige: That's a thing!?
Colin: It is
Paige: THAT'S ME! EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW!
Colin: *Smiles* I'm glad I could help *he leaves with the present*
Shrignold: Why are you happy!? you're going to be alone forever!
Paige: No I wont, I have friends
Shrignold: Friends aren't special ones
Paige: My friends are all special
Shrignold: Well what about Tony? he's going to be alone forever now
Paige: You can find him a new special one, you're a love expert
Shrignold: I am a love expert
Paige: Here's what I'm thinking, his special one should be smart
Shrignold: Yes
Paige: Can tell time
Shrignold: Of course
Paige: Fun
Shrignold: Sounds good
Paige: Someone he has a close bond with
Shrignold: Oooh friends to lovers!
Paige: And *pause* digital
Shrignold: *Gasp* I KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Paige: Yeeeah?
Shrignold: Lucy! it's perfect!
Paige:
Paige: What
Shrignold: You are so smart! thank you! *he flies out of the room*
Paige:
Paige: Well poop

Larry: I'm going to start crying
Tony: Why?
Larry: I just tried to eat a hotdog and it was cake
Candice: Haha
Larry: Why are you doing this?
Candice: Anything could be cake, you have no idea, even you could be cake
Larry: Wait what
Candice: *Takes out a knife and fork*
Larry: NO
Candice: I'M GONNA EAT YOU
Larry: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE
*Larry runs away and Candice chases him, he runs outside and hides under the window*
Larry: Haha she'll never find me here *is a lamp which is a source of light* yup I am completely hidden, and she can't hear me talking to myself either because that would be silly
*Candice very obviously sees him but hears Frank calling her name and goes to see what he wants*
Larry: Is she gone? *looks* yep just call me Solid Snake...at least I think I'm solid *bites his arm* okay good I'm not cake, also ouch
Star: Excuse me-
Larry: *Screams* OH hello tiny star thing who are you?
Star: I'm sorry for startling you! my name is Twink
Larry:
Larry: Can I just call you Star?
Star: Can I just call you Lamp?
Larry: You can
Star: Okay deal! I was just flying by and saw you, I need some help because all my friends fell out of the sky and I was wondering if you could shoot them back up?
Larry: That sounds so fun, I would love to help but first I gotta tell my friends where I'm going
Star: I'm sure they wont mind! plus they all look like they're having way too much fun, you shouldn't bother them
Larry: Yeah you're right, ok let's go!
*The star leads him down to a forest*
Larry: Sure is dark here
Star: I'm thankful for that light on your head, otherwise I'd be really scared!
Larry: Aww don't worry lil buddy I'll protect you
Star: Thanks Lamp! ok here we are
*They stop in front of as cloud*
Larry: *Jumps on it and the cloud lifts him up* Using clouds for transport huh? I have a friend who does that, that's how you get to his weird cult
Star: A cult? that sounds scary
Larry: It kinda is I don't really like being there, everyone is way too happy, like they never stop smiling, my friend is kinda like the leader
Star: A cult leader? well he doesn't sound very nice
Larry: No he's great it's just he's a lil *gestures vaguely* homophobic?
Star: Oh my! well I'm glad I'm not like that, here we are nearly there

*Meanwhile*
Colin: *Sighs*
Lucy: Asked out Tony yet?
Colin: No
Lucy: Bruh, for someone so smart with maths you sure are stupid with love
Colin: Shut up
Candice: Still not asked him out huh?
Lucy: Nope
Colin: You two been talking about me or something?
Candice: Yeah
Colin: Of course
Lucy: Just ask him
Colin: I can't, look
*They look over and see The talking to Tony*
Lucy: Whose that?
Candice: The Coffin Man
Colin: I don't know how he even knew about the party, no one invited him
Lucy: Why is this a problem?
Colin: Larry said he had a thing for Tony
Candice: It's fine we just need to figure out how to get him away from him so you can get to him, did that make sense or did I use too many him's?
Colin: Why bother, I can't compete with that, did you see the present he got him? it was this beautiful black velvet coat
Warren: Oh someone stole your best friend too? man that's rough buddy
Candice: And I think we just found our solution *She takes Lucy's arm and takes some steps back*
Lucy: What are you doing?
Candice: You'll see
Warren: Know what? why don't we forget about them and me n you can go get a nice restaurant style meal, whadya say mate? *puts a hand on his shoulder*
Colin: DON'T TOUCH ME *Pushes him away hard*
Tony: Oh dear *he puts down his drink and quickly goes over to Colin and takes him to the calming spot*
Coffin: What just happened?
Warren: I...don't know??
Lucy: My brother HATES being touched
Warren: Why didn't you warn me?
Lucy: Uhhhhh prank?
Warren: Dishonour
Candice: Dis is how we roll
Shrignold: *Flies over and leans on Lucy's shoulder* Heyyy Lucy what are your thoughts on Tony?
Paige: Oh no

*Meanwhile in the calming spot Tony has placed Colins head on his chest so he can focus on his heartbeat like they did in the cage*
Tony: In *breathes in slowly* out *breathes out slowly* how are you feeling?
Colin: Better...sorry this happened on your birthday
Tony: Don't be, all those people were draining my social battery, it's nice when it's just the two of us
*Pause*
Colin: Um...are you free tomorrow night?
Tony: Yes, why?
Colin: Do you maybe wanna...catch a movie or something?
Tony: Sure, I'd love that
Colin: *Smiles feeling accomplished* Hey uh your hearts going kinda fast, you okay?
Tony: Oh uh maybe you should *moves Colin so his head's on his shoulder instead* there that's better
Colin: Should we get back to your party?
Tony: Yeah, in a moment

*Several hours later everyone has left*
Paige: Are Tony and Colin still in their calming spot?
Candice: Yep
Paige: Wow, Tony's usually very strict on the time he goes to bed
Candice: Let's just leave them be
Paige: Yeah
Shrignold: Um guys I have a problem
Paige: What's wrong?
Shrignold: It's raining and I can't fly home
Butch: That's fine we have some spare blankets, you can sleep on the couch
Warren: I'm here too!
Butch: Why?
Warren: I'm kinda homeless at the moment
Butch: Okay we still have sleeping bags some one of you can take the couch and one of you can take the floor
Warren: Sounds good!
*Butch puts a pillow and blanket on the couch and the sleeping bag on the floor along with another pillow*
Warren: Cool *hops on the couch*
Shrignold: I thought I was getting the couch?
Warren: True friendship is about sacrifice, like you sacrificing the couch, thanks mate!
Shrignold:
Shrignold: Yeah whatever *slides into the sleeping bag*
Butch: All right boys, anything else you need?
Warren: Nope, all good here, good night mate
Butch: Sleep tight guys *turns off the light and leaves*
Warren: So Shrignold tell me about yourself, I've always found that the best conversations happen under the cover of darkness
Warren: Here I'll start, sometimes I feel insecure because I feel like the hair on the left side of my head is thicker than the hair on my right side, I have a recurring dream that I'm a telephone pole is that weird? also my heads a little too small for most hats haha, so why do you think you don't have a special one? wait wait before you answer I got to run to the bathroom real quick hold that thought
...
*Toilet flushes*
*Sounds of water rushing*
Warren: Oh no *comes back into the room* Uh what should I do if the water in the toilet isn't in the toilet anymore? actually wait I think I got it sorry good night *leaves*
*Sounds of water trickling*
Warren: Oh man
*Sounds of plungers and metal clinking*
Warren: *Comes back* Update, so now the water is sort of everywhere and it's moving into the kitchen, thoughts?
*Shrignold groans*
Warren: I'm gonna try and put it back in *takes his pillow* Just gonna borrow this real quick
...
*Water noises stop*
Warren: Uh...yep *comes back and gives Shrignold back the pillow* here you go, also there's no toilet paper left
Shrignold: Y'know...I think I'm going to sleep in Larry's room, I'm sure he wont mind
Warren: Oh okay, night
*Shrignold goes up to Larry's room*
Shrignold: Larry? *pause* hello? *he looks around and sees Larry isn't there* guess he's sleeping somewhere else...oh well more room for me *crawls into his bed and sleeps*

Larry: *Sitting in a cloud bar drinking cloud juice* This stuff is so cool! it doesn't make me silly like that other stuff it just makes me super chill *sighs happily* did you know I went to space once?
Star: What? that's amazing! why were you in space?
Larry: My friend Paige got abducted by aliens so had to go save them
Star: You sound like a very good friend, do you think they would save you if you were abducted by aliens?
Larry: Uh well Butch probably wouldn't he hates me, Tony probably wouldn't either, Colin? ehh if Tony wont then he wouldn't either, Paige might, Shrignold would since we're besties and Candice would too
Star: Isn't Candice the one who insults you all the time?
Larry: Yeah but she did it nicely
Star: You can't insult someone nicely, that sounds like bullying
Larry: Oh....uh well I've still got Shrignold
Star: The cult leader? you do know cult leaders are only nice to people to get them to join their cult right?
Larry: Oh well I mean he has asked me to join a few times but I didn't know....I need more cloud juice *grabs the bottle and starts chugging*
Star: Hey slow down there buddy, your friends might not treat you right but I would never be mean to you! let's be best friends
Larry: Really?
Star: Yeah! we can do whatever you want, I can even create new friends for you, ones that will love you forever
Larry: That sounds great *stands up* but first I have to help your friends get back to the sky
Star: Yes! let's go
*They exit the bar and the star gives Larry a net*
Star: As you can see my friends are flying around not sure where to go, all you need to do is scoop them up in the net, pull it back and let it go, catapulting them into the sky
Larry: Hm sounds simple *He runs off and scoops up some stars, pulling back the net and letting go and then watching them fly away* It's actually kinda fun *he runs to do more*

*Morning*
Tony: *Leaves the calming spot*
Paige: You're finally awake
Tony: Yeah sorry slept in
Paige: You slept in the calming spot?
Tony: Yeah Colin fell asleep on me and I didn't want to wake him, he's kinda like a cat
Paige: Sooo you slept cuddled together all night?
Tony:
Tony: *Blushing* It's not like that
Paige: *Gasp* Do you like Colin!?
Tony: NO NO NO STOP, he's my best friend THAT'S IT, THERE IS NOTHING MORE, now stop looking at me with those big ol eyes
Paige: *Shrinks their eyes*
Tony: That's horrifying bring the big ol eyes back
Paige: Make up your damn mind! so when are y'all gonna date?
Tony: Paige please, I'm pretty sure Colin doesn't even like me like that
Paige: How can you be sure?
Tony: Look I'm really bad on picking up on these types of signs, I thought you liked me and you don't so I'd rather not make that mistake again and make everything awkward
Paige:
Paige: I'm aromantic
Tony: What does that mean?
Paige: I don't feel romantic attraction
Tony: Like at all?
Paige: Nope! I didn't know it was even a thing until Colin told me
Tony: Y'know now that you say it, I can definitely see
Paige: What do you mean?
Tony: When we first met Shrignold he asked us what we found most attractive in another person and you sat their silently and then started talking about marshmallows
Paige: Huh I guess I did do that haha
Warren: Morning!
Tony: Oh you're still here
Warren: I live here now
Tony: No you do not
Shrignold: Hey have you guys seen Larry?
Paige: Not since last night, is he in his room?
Shrignold: No I slept there
Paige: Why?
Shrignold: Warren wouldn't stop talking
Warren: We made a connection
Butch: Oh look whose finally awake, what took so long usually you stand there screaming to make sure we're all up at the same time
Paige: He was cudd-
Tony: *Covers their mouth* IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS
Butch: No need to get aggressive
Shrignold: Soo what do we do about Larry?
Tony: If he left then one of Colins many security cameras would have caught it
Shrignold: Okay where is he?
Tony: In the calming spot sleeping, just go say something to him to wake him up
Shrignold: Like what?
Tony: Anything factually incorrect
Shrignold: *Walks over to the calming spot* The sun is a planet
Colin: *Kicks the door open* WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?
Shrignold: *Running away* I MADE HIM MAD
Tony: Colin we need your security camera footage to find out where Larry went
Colin: Oh sure! let me just find it *searching through his files*
Butch: Mother of all mood swings
Candice: Hey why's everyone gathered together is there drama?
Warren: The lamp is missing
Candice: Oh, now that I think about it I didn't see him after I chased him outside with a knife and fork
Shrignold: Why were you chasing him with a knife and fork?
Candice: I was trying to eat him
Butch: Don't do that he'll make your teeth go grey
Colin: Found it, looks like he was hiding outside and then a star came over to him and he followed it
Tony: What?
Colin: See for yourself *he shows the video on his screen*
Butch: Why did he follow it?
Candice: He's way too trusting
Shrignold: Does it show where he went?
Colin: Hold on I'll get the footage from the other ones
Warren: Why do you have so many cameras?
Colin: Because, okay so he goes into a forest and flies out on a cloud
Tony: Shrignold you use cloud transport to get people to your cult right? do you know which cloud that was?
Shrignold: Right first off it's not a cult and second do you really think that just because I use cloud transport that I'd know every cloud?
Tony: Yes
Shrignold:
Shrignold: I'll make some calls
*He makes some calls*
Shrignold: Okay I got the cloud, he said he was bribed by a small star and he gave the location Larry was taken
Butch: Ugh does that mean we have to ride on clouds to get there?
Tony: I think I have a better way

*Tony removes the cover to a small plane*
Butch: YOU OWN A PLANE!?
Tony: I do indeed
Paige: That's so cool! where did you get it?
Tony: I won it on eBay
Colin: You told me you hated online shopping
Tony: Yeah well you convinced me
Paige: Do you know how to fly it?
Tony: Of course I do

Larry: So I'm thinking for my new friends what if we're all really stupid and make bad decisions but we make them together?
Star: Sounds fun
Larry: I'm not one to brag but I don't actually need to be drunk to make bad decisions, everyone always thinks the reason I make so many bad decisions is because I'm drunk but I actually just have one braincell that bounces about like a DVD screensaver
*They enter some kinda aquarium*
Star: And where we are right now? you will never feel alone! cause swordfishes
Swordfish: Love you!
Star: Jellyfishes
Jellyfish: Love you!
Star: Starfishes
Starfish: I LOVE YOU
Star: You know it's true
Star: Catfishes
Catfish: Love you!
Star: Cuttlefishes
Cuttlefish: Love you!
Star: Blowfish-
Starfish: STARFISH REALLY LOVES YOU!
Star: In the ocean blue! *puts on sunglasses and starts rapping* Lung fish, black fish, alligator, ice fish, armour head, hammer head, anaconda, flat head, manta ray, stingray, fang-tooth moray, goblin shark, grass carp, round-river-bat ray, noodle fish, hag fish, man o'war, lady fish, black eel, baby seal, sprat, koi, electric eel, lamprey, pejerey, yellow-edged moray, salmon shark, sleeper shark, featherback and eagle ray!
Star: Cause swordfishes
Swordfish: Love you!
Star: Jellyfishes
Jellyfish: Love you!
Star: Starfishes
Starfish: I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER
Star: You know it's true! catfishes
Catfish: Love you!
Star: Cuttlefishes
Cuttlefish: Love you!
Star: Blowfishes-
Starfish: STARFISH! LOVE ME, LOVE ME!
Star: In the ocean blue!
Larry: Wow *claps* I didn't know you were cool like that
Star: Now then *presents a long af contract*
Larry: I ain't reading all that
Star: Good good, you just need to sign right here to get your new friends, it'll also cost you your soul
Larry: I'm fine with that, I even have a glitter pen to sign it with *takes out pen* y'know Shrignold gave me this *looks at the pen* you kinda remind me of him a little, with all the love stuff but I'm sure you're not just being nice to be to get my soul
Star: Haha of course not, that would be silly
Larry: Yeah thought so
Shrignold: LARRY!
Larry: Wait is that *he looks over at the doorway and sees everyone standing there* what are you guys doing here?
Butch: We're here to get you
Larry: You guys went looking for me?
Candice: Well yeah of course we did
Paige: You kinda just disappeared, we were worried
Larry: *Smiles* Y'know maybe I don't need new friends after all
Star: Don't listen to them! they're manipulating you, lying to get something from you
Shrignold: You're literally holding a soul contract
Star: Shut up cult leader, you're not gonna believe HIM right? you know he's only nice to you because he wants you in his cult
Shrignold: How DARE you
Star: How dare I what? tell him the truth?
Shrignold: *Sighs* Malcolm forgive me *he flies forward screaming and punches the star really hard which falls behind a wall*
Larry: Oh wow
Shrignold: You okay?
Larry: I think?
*Shrignold hugs him, and then everyone else runs over and also hugs him except Colin who just kinda stands there*
Larry: I didn't realize you guys liked me this much
Candice: Course we do
Larry: Even Butch?
Butch: *Sighs* Yes Larry you just annoy me sometimes with your alcoholism
Starfish: I LOVE YOU TOO I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
Tony: What the hell is that?
Larry: A starfish, he's a lil desperate
Colin: Warren go befriend it
Warren: Ok!
*The star rises back up except it now has a different voice and shape*
Tony: BILL CIPHER!?
Bill: Yeah dickweed it's me
Tony: What the hell do you think you're doing!?
Bill: My hobby
Tony: Which is?
Bill: Collecting souls duh
Larry: Damn that star was a Dorito the whole time? what a twist
Paige: How do you know this guy?
Tony: We met years ago and used to fight and then again at the *sighs* Tumblr sexyman poll
Colin: Oh he definitely lost
Bill: Haha I got through to the semi-finals
Colin: HOW THE FUCK
Bill: Because the internet made me look like this *turns into the skinny white boy Tumblr made*
Tony: Ugh you're not even attractive
Colin: *Checking him out*
Tony: COLIN
Colin: Huh? oh yeah he's ugly
Warren: SUPER UGLY, HE LOOKS LIKE MY FOOT
Bill: Ok, wow, just for that I'm going to do this *takes all his teeth out* bitch how you only got four teeth?
Warren: I can't afford toothpaste, please give them back
Bill: Nah *turns them to dust*
Warren: That's fine *starts crying*
Colin: Dick move bro
Larry: Wait those friends I helped put back in the sky, were they real?
Bill: Yep, didn't know them I just forced them to fall
Larry: Dick move bro
Bill: I coulda done more, at least I didn't make them fall through the clouds and die
Larry: You can do that?
Bill: Yeah like this *makes four stars fall and they go through the clouds*
Larry: I CAN'T CATCH THEM WHEN THEY'RE DOWN THERE
Candice: Wait I have an idea, follow me
*The two run to Tony's plane and fly below the clouds*
Tony: HEY THAT'S MINE
Bill: Haha sucker
Tony: Okay, know what? me and you, it's 2014 *he takes out the clock hand sword thing*
Colin: Where were you keeping that?
Tony: Stay back Colin, this might get a bit deadly

Larry: Have you ever flown one of these before?
Candice: No! first time actually!
Larry: Cool! *points* there's a star!
*Candice flies towards it, Larry holds the net up and he catches it*
Larry: WOOOOO!
Candice: Tony's gonna be so mad if we scratch this thing
Larry: I didn't know Tony even had a plane!
Candice: Neither did I!
Larry: I see another star
Candice: Gonna have to dip for this one

*Tony and Bill are sword fighting*
Bill: You're being sloppy, out of practice?
Tony: I don't have time for this anymore, I do have a life you know
Bill: *Laughs* You fell off man
Tony: Stop using modern lingo we all know you're old as shit
Bill: LOOK WHOSE TALKING
*Tony is able to trip him up and make him fall, pointing his sword at him*
Tony: Whose sloppy now?
*Bill disappears*
Tony: Shit, everyone get behind me
*Everyone moves forward but then Bill reappears behind Colin, holding the sword to his throat*
Bill: Got ya boyfriend
Tony: Hey hey don't hurt him *he drops his sword and puts his hands up showing he has no weapons*
Bill: Don't worry I'm just gonna borrow him for a bit, better hope I return him in one piece
*As Bill was talking Colin slowly slid off one of his gloves and then he quickly grabbed Bills arm with his creepy wire arms which electrocuted him, he collapses turning back into the triangle*
Tony: COLIN ARE YOU OKAY? DID HE HURT YOU?
Colin: Nope all good!
Warren: Guys the starfish died, he said he'd rather die than look at my face and he died, wonder what happened
Paige:
Paige: Brain aneurysm
Tony: Yes that
Colin: As the smartest person here I can confirm
Warren: Ok good
*They hear the plane and all go outside, looking up they can see it flying in circles*
Butch: Why are they flying in circles?
Colin: I don't think they know how to land the plane
Tony: Aight *turns to Shrignold* I'm going to give you instructions on how to land a plane and you're going to fly up there and tell them okay?
Shrignold: Okay
Tony: Listen very carefully

Larry: *Shoots the last star back up to the sky* What are we actually doin?
Candice: I have no idea, I didn't actually think we'd get this far
Shrignold: Hey guys
Larry: Hey Shrigzie
Shrignold: Tony gave me instructions on how to land so I can tell you them
Candice: Okay go on?
Shrignold: I forgot the whole thing so I think we should just wing it
Larry: Is that a butterfly pun?
Shrignold: It was!
Larry: Nice one!
Candice: Fuck it we're goin down down hfueifgrei
Shrignold: Those aren't the lyrics
*The plane goes down, Larry and Shrignold are screaming and they have a bumpy landing on the clouds*
Candice: Cool I did it
Shrignold: Ouch my neck
Larry: My organs have switched places
*The three get out and walk to the others*
Candice: I think I did pretty good
*The plane explodes*
Tony: MY FUCKING PLANE
Candice: Oops
Butch: Hey what do we do with this guy? *is holding a giant hamster ball will Bill in it
Larry: I have an idea *puts the ball in his net* Candy pull it back as much as you can and let go
Candice: Mmkay *pulls it back*
Bill: *Wakes up* WAIT WAIT NO DON'T
Candice: Too late
Bill: YOU, WORM
Warren: Eagle
Bill: EAGLE IF YOU STOP THEM I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR TEETH BACK
Warren: You will?
*Candice let's go, the ball with Bill shoots off into the distance with a small twinkle*
Warren: What about my teeth?
Candice: He was lying
Warren: Ah
Butch: How are we going to get down now?
Shrignold: *Sigh* I'll make some calls

*They're all flying on clouds in pairs*
Shrignold: WEEEEEEEE
Larry: XBOX 360
Shrignold: What
Larry: Hey y'know what this reminds me of? Aladdin
Shrignold: Yeah I can see that
Larry: Sing with me Shrig *sings* I can show you the world-
Shrignold: Sorry I can't, those types of songs are reserved for special ones only
Larry: Yeah well *hugs him* you're special enough for me
Shrignold: You're special one is Candice
Larry: Yeah I don't care

*Back at the house*
Warren: TONY LOOK *smiles* I got dentures!
Tony: Why are they rainbow?
Warren: That was Paige's idea
Tony: That would explain the absence of green, also here *hands him soap*
Warren: For me? *takes it*
Tony: Take a fucking shower you smell terrible
Warren: Wow thanks! I can't remember the last time someone gave me a gift, I'll go take one now! *falls up the stairs* I'm ok! *runs up to the bathroom*
Colin: Heyyy Tony
Tony: Hello Colin
Colin: *Hands him a blindfold* Put this on and come with me
Tony: Bit strange but alright
*Tony puts on the blindfold and Colin leads him somewhere and tells him to take it off, he does and there is a plane in front of him*
Tony: Wait what
Colin: Happy birthday! y'know cus your last one blew up
Tony: How did you afford this??
Colin: I won it on eBay
Tony: Did you cheat?
Colin: Yep
Tony: That's illegal
Colin: I know
Tony: *Smiles* Thank you *looks at the plane* I CAN'T BELIEVE I GET ANOTHER PLANE IT'S BEAUTIFUL
Colin: I know right?
Tony: YOU'RE JUST- *Grabs his face and kisses his forehead* wanna go for a flight?
Colin: I'd love to

*Back at the house*
Larry: Psst, psst, I SAID PSST
Candice: I can hear you, why are you sneaking around?
Larry: I wanna show you something
*He takes her to his room and opens the door to a side room*
Candice: Uhh
Larry: What's wrong
Candice: You just took me to your bedroom and then you took me to a side room off of your bedroom, that's never a good thing to have
Larry: Relax it's not a shrine of peoples old family photos *turns on the light and it's a bunch of creepy weird drawings*
Candice: Oh that's much worse, what is all this?
Larry: I've never told anyone this but I can see the future
Candice:
Larry:
Candice: What
Larry: It's just little clips out of context and not even in the right order but look *He shows her drawings of mermaids, pink aliens, bigfoot and Bill*
Candice: Oh I guess you can *she looks at the others and focuses on a drawing of a skinny giant with a siren for a head* what the hell is that thing?
Larry: No idea but it was huge, I'm sure they're super chill tho
Candice: *Concern* Okay, there's a lot of clowns and uh Lebron James? huh- wait is that Shrignold holding a knife to your throat?
Larry: Yup, I think he's gonna kill me
Candice: Why would he kill you?
Larry: No idea, haven't figured that out yet
*They hear Butch calling for Candice*
Candice: Ah it's time to make dinner, we'll come back to this later *she leaves*
*Larry waits till she's out of the room and then get's a drawing which was hidden, it shows their house up in flames*

Chapter Text

*Tony and Colin are walking together, they had just left the cinema and were discussing the movie and then it got quiet*
Colin: So um it's kinda late now, do you want to head home?
Tony: We don't have to go yet, it's a clear sky we could sit and..stargaze? unless you don't want to
Colin: No it sounds nice, let's head to the park I know a shortcut
Tony: Through there? it's a bit dark with the streetlamps being out
Colin: Don't worry I can still see
Tony: I can't
Colin: *Offers his hand* Want me to lead you through?
Tony: *Hesitates for a moment before taking his hand and looking away nervously* Uh sure
*The two walk in the darkness in silence, it's all going fine until they hear a loud noise*
Tony: What was that?
Colin: It can't be
*Colin takes Tony over to hide behind a dumpster*
Tony: What is it?
Colin: *Peeks round* It is, it's Doctor Octagonapus
Doctor Octagonapus: WHOSE THERE!?
Colin: Aaaand he heard us, great
Tony: Hm maybe we should run?
Colin: That's a wonderful idea
*The two get up and run, dodging laser blasts they run into a clothing store*
Tony: Do you think he saw us?
Colin: Not sure, we should hide in here till it's safe
E.Brendon: Does the lovely couple need any help?
*They're both a bit confused and then see they're still holding hands, they quickly let go*
Tony: We're not a- um we're not-
E.Brendon: "We're not a- um we're not- blah blah blah" I NEVER LIE
Colin: *Sighs*
E.Brendon: Haha well if you need anything *points at nametag* I'm Employed Brendon *he walks away*
Tony: What a stupid name
Colin: Shh he's coming
*They hide in a changing room at the back of the store*
Tony: Can you please explain who this is?
Colin: He's from the Laser Collection, must have escaped the internet and he can fire a laser out of his mouth *peeks out the curtain* he's in the shop
Tony: Guess we have to stay here until he leaves
*They hear a familiar voice*
Tony: *peeks* Why the hell is Warren here? he has no money he can't afford this
Colin: Please tell me he's not gonna talk to Doctor Octo-
Tony: He's talking to Doctor Octagonapus
Colin: *Facepalms*
Tony: He's telling him about his podcast
Colin: Of course he is
Doctor Octagonapus: DOCTOR OCTAMOTHAFUCKINGONAPUS *Blasts him with a laser*
Tony: I think he's dead
Colin: And the store is on fire
*Doctor Octagonapus flies out the door, Tony and Colin leave the changing room and go outside, everything is on fire and he's in the sky*
Tony: He's gonna destroy everything!
Colin: We need to get home I have an idea

*Meanwhile*
Larry: Smack cam!
Butch: *Points a knife at him* BITCH I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO YOU'LL BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH I'LL TELL YOU THAT
Candice: Don't stab him you'll get blood everywhere and I just cleaned the floor
Butch: Why are you soaking wet?
Candice: I washed a spoon and it washed me back
Larry: They protec, they attac, but most importantly they wash you bac
Candice: Spoons don't attack you or protect you
Larry: You don't know the life I've lived
Paige: Heyy guys, what's in the fridge?
Larry: There's wine slushies cus I bought wine slushies, there's slushies made of wine in there
Butch: YOU BOUGHT WINE SLUSHIES!?
Larry: Yea
Butch: ARE YOU INSANE?
Larry: Yea
Shrignold: *Flies in through the window* Did someone say slushies?
Larry: I said slushies! how did you know?
Butch: Why can't you just use the door?
*They hear the front door close and then Tony and Colin run in*
Paige: Heyy how was it?
Colin: THE WORLD'S ON FIRE
Candice: That good huh?
Tony: No the world's literally on fire *opens the blinds*
Shrignold: Oh wow!
Candice: Nickelback was onto something
Butch: Shrignold you came in from the outside how did you not notice that?
Shrignold: I haven't slept in eight days I thought I was just hallucinating
Larry: GO TO SLEEP
Shrignold: I CAN'T THE WORLD'S ON FIRE
*A laser hits their house and destroys half of it but it doesn't hit anyone*
Paige: NOOO MY NEW PAINTBRUSHES WERE UP THERE
Tony: COLIN WHAT'S YOUR IDEA?
Colin: We're going back in time to 2009 to kill Doctor Octagonapus *looks at you* that's right we're going back in time to 2009 to kill Doctor Octagonapus
Butch: Who are you talking to!?
Tony: SOUNDS GOOD
*Tony takes everyone back in time*
Candice: I prefer it when the world isn't burning
Shrignold: It's too cold now
Butch: Picky, picky
Colin: Well gang it's 2009, I made you a cookie and I fucking eated it
Tony: *Gets nam flashbacks*
Colin: Welp let's head in
*Colin takes them all into the digital world*
Colin: *Sighs happily* Look at that lack of ads
Larry: I forgot the internet was like this at some point
Tony: Where do we find him?
Colin: Well we're in YouTube so he should be around here somewh- IS THAT HATSUNE MIKU?
Paige: WHERE?
Colin: THERE!
Paige&Colin: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
Tony: I thought we were suppose to be finding Doctor Octagonapus?
Colin: IN A MOMENT
*Thirty minutes later*
Butch: Are you guys done yet!?
Paige: Fiiiine I got an autograph and several selfies though!
Colin: Same! my cousin is gonna be so jealous
Butch: Wait where's Candice?
Tony: Where's Larry?
Paige: Where's Shrignold?
Colin: Fucking hell
*Meanwhile in the Duck Song*
Larry: See this is how I discovered I was bi, cus I was attracted to both the duck and the lemonade guy, I really wanna thank them for helping me find me
Candice:
Shrignold:
Candice: What the fuck are you talking about?
Larry: MY JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY CANDICE WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE?
Candice: Ok geez keep your hair on
Larry: Omg the duck is waddling away this is my chance *waddles up to the lemonade guy* Got any grapes?
Lemonade Guy: *Takes out a gun*
Larry: WE'RE IN THE WRONG VIDEO THIS IS A PARODY RUN
*Meanwhile*
Tony: WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GO?
Paige: Maybe we should check that shadowy place?
Colin: That's the dark web
Paige: What about that one?
Colin: No that's live leak there's videos of people getting killed in there
Paige: Nice *goes to walk in*
Tony: *Grabs their arm* Paige no
Paige: Paige yes
Butch: Guys can we keep this? *holding keyboard cat*
Paige: YES WE CAN
Colin: Put it down
Butch: You don't control me
Salad Fingers: Hello there friends, are you lost?
Tony: What the-
Colin: Hello Mr. Fingers
Tony: What the hell is that?
Paige: His head looks like a mouldy pea
Colin: Don't be so rude that's Salad Fingers *turns* Hey do you know how to get to the Laser Collection?
Salad Fingers: Well I don't but I know someone who does *raises his hand with a finger puppet* Why hello there Hubert Cumberdale, can you help my friend Remington Harris get to the Laser Collection? *he puts the puppet to his ear and nods*
Tony: Why did he give you a new name? and why is he talking to a finger puppet?
Colin: That's just what he does don't be so judgy
Salad Fingers: Follow us everyone *he steps onto a floating platform thing and everyone else steps on as well*
Larry: WAIT FOR US
*They turn and see Larry, Candice and Shrignold being chased by the Lemonade guy who is trying to shoot them with the gun*
Tony: WHAT DID YOU DO!?
Larry: I TRIED TO FLIRT WITH MY CHILDHOOD CRUSH AND IT ALL WENT WRONG
Shrignold: THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU CRUSHED ON A GIRL INSTEAD
Larry: YES IT WOULD I CRUSHED ON ROUGE THE BAT SHE WOULD PROBABLY SHOOT ME AS WELL
Candice: LESS YELLING MORE RUNNING
*The three make it to the platform and then the asdf police man jumps out and aims his gun at the lemonade guy*
Asdf movie police man: Watch out he's got a nose! *shoots*
*The platform flies away*
Larry: *Calls out the the dude* CALL ME!
Shrignold: Why can't you crush on someone normal for once?
Larry: Normal? like.....you?
Shrignold: NO like Candice
Larry: Candice is normal? SHE EATS PEOPLE
Candice: Yer I do
Shrignold: Okay then, Paige
Larry: Paige is normal?
Shrignold: Yes?
Larry: Don't look at their search history
*Shrignold looks at Paige who smiles innocently*
Candice: No ones normal here
Butch: Normal's just a setting on a dryer
Colin: Did you steal that from Suicide Squad?
Butch:
Butch: No
*Salad Fingers starts eating wires*
Tony: Uhh should he be doing that?
Colin: What eating through the wires that's keeping us in the air? I don't see a problem
Paige: Are you /s or /j?
*The thing falls and they all do as well*
Tony: GOD DAMMIT SALAD MAN
*They all find themselves in a game*
Butch: Where are we now?
Colin: Looks like a flash game
Candice: Do we get to fight each other?
Tony: *Reading the instructions* No, it looks like a hospital game, we have to work together to perform surgery on this guy
*They all look at the man on the table*
Tony: Looks like we just yank off his arms and legs and replace them before he loses too much blood...huh
Butch: This is a weird game
Candice: Do we do the same with the organs?
Tony: Yes
Larry: I'm gonna troll so hard
Tony: No you're not we don't have time
Colin: The reason we went all the way back to 2009 was because it's years before he escapes and blows everything up so we have all the time in the world actually
Larry: Hell yeah
Tony: Oh no
Butch: So uh looks like we need a saw?
Candice: Let's split up and look for it
*They split up to look for it*
Larry: *Finds it* Heehee I'm gonna hide this *accidentally drops it through the floor
Shrignold: *Walks in* What did you do now?
Larry: I found the saw and I tried to hide it and it fell through the floor
Shrignold: *Sighs* You're terrible *crouches down to the part of the floor where it fell through* hmm hold on *sticks his hand through the floor and pulls it out*
Larry: How did you do that?
Shrignold: I learned from falling through the floor in the backrooms
Larry: Niiice let's go show the others how cool we are cus we found the saw
*They go down to the others*
Paige: Oh hey you found it!
Larry: Yep it was in a perfectly normal location
Paige: *Takes it and stares at it*
Tony: Can someone take that off them I don't like the way they're smiling at it
Paige: I could be so creative with this thing
Tony: Paige no
Paige: PAIGE YES
Butch: Hey I found what we have to do to win the game*is holding a heart* we have to swap this good one for the bad one inside our patient
Candice: CAN I HOLD THAT PLEASE
Butch: Yeah sure *gives it to her*
Candice: Excellent I have a heart, unlike Colin who has no heart
Colin: That is true
Tony: Physically you don't but metaphorically you do
Paige: Just like Tony Stark
Larry: *Holding a head* Hey while you guys were talking I gave our patient some comforting head pats and his head fell off
Butch: WHY
Larry: He has a very weak neck, I think he's dead now
Colin: Thanks Obama
Tony: GOD FUCKING-
*Attempt 2*
Colin: Hm the task is randomized let's hope it works this time
Paige: *Looking at the instructions* Hmm right, okay
Tony: What do we have to do?
Paige: I dunno I just like looking at the pictures
Candice: *Picks up a knife* Well surgery is just stabbing someone to life
Colin: Please never be a surgeon
Butch: Looks like if we put his leg in this box the door opens for some reason, I don't understand video games
Colin: To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand video games
Butch: Um excuse you
Larry: *Holding a leg* I GOT IT *He puts it in the bucket and runs through the door* Guys I need a fuse thing
Shrignold: *Sitting under a table*
Tony: Are you gonna contribute or what?
Shrignold: There's too many guts so I'm gonna go with or what
Candice: *Holding a fuse* Fuse acquired
Larry: Okay I think it goes in here
Colin: FUCK HIS HEAD FELL OFF
Larry: Oh wow it wasn't even me that time
*Attempt 3*
Butch: *Tired* Okay we need to fix his intestines now
Candice: *Staring at his insides* My hungry ass could never be a surgeon
Colin: What do you mean by that?
Tony: *Behind glass* Guys pass me the bad organs through this tiny hole in the wall and I'll pass you the good ones
Larry: Mmkay *he passes the organs through and Tony gives him good ones, the others take it to put them in the body* are you good in the Tone you look lonely
Shrigold: *Perks up* DID SOMEONE SAY LONELY?
Tony: Oh no
Shrignold: I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN FILL THE LONELY VOID IN YOUR HEART
Tony: Get away from me Shrignold
Candice: *Slurping on the intestines like spaghetti*
Colin: CANDICE
Candice: I TOLD YOU MY HUNGRY ASS CAN'T BE A SURGEON
Colin: DOES THAT NOT MAKE YOUR TEETH GO GREY!?
Candice: Nah organs are great for the teeth
*Attempt 4*
*They successfully swap out a leg*
Paige: Yay we did something!
Larry: Guys a found a broom and also a head *hands it to Shrignold* a friend for your under table world
Shrignold: GET THAT AWAY FROM MEEEE
Tony: I LOOKED AWAY FOR TWO SECONDS WHY DOES HE HAVE FOUR LEGS???
Candice: Hehe spiderman
Paige: That was my idea!
Tony: I hate this game
Larry: I love this game
*Paige puts on another leg*
Tony: Paige PLEASE *Turns to Butch* are you just going to sit there in the corner?
Butch: I found the coffee machine so I'm just going to drink these until I explode
Larry: Can I join?
Butch: No
*Attempt 5*
Larry: Guys I have an idea if we throw stuff through this hole it'll open the door
*Everyone ignores him*
Larry: Why is no one paying attention to me?
Butch: Rewind everything that just happened and then ask yourself that question again
*Larry starts throwing stuff through anyway*
Paige: Oh good idea! I'll join
*They end up fighting over who get's to throw stuff through the hole and still miss every time*
Colin: *Throws something through and it makes the door open*
Larry: I did it!
Colin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DID IT!?
Paige: Look at all these legs, let's make another spiderman
Tony: I have a better idea let's not do that, you stand there, Colin and I will go get the organs we need so we can swap them over and get out of this horrible game
Colin: Yeah okay
*Five minutes later*
Tony: THE FUSE FELL OUT AND NOW THE DOOR IS STUCK
Larry: *Walks up to the door and sees them through the window* Hey guys!
Tony: Put the fuse in so we can get out
Larry Ok! *picks up the fuse and puts it in the wrong bit*
Tony: NO
Colin: Good job Larry
Tony: PUT IT IN THE OTHER ONE
Colin: Wait I need to see if it's the right one
Tony: THERE'S ONLY ONE FUSE
Larry: *Puts the fuse up to the window* Is it?
Colin: Hmmm yep that's the one
Larry: Cool! *puts it in* I did it
Tony: *Very tired* Well done Larry you're a hero
Larry: Awww that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me
*Colin leaves with some organs, Tony is still looking, Larry subtly takes the fuse back out which locks Tony in and then he goes back with the others*
*Like two minutes later*
Tony: I'M STUCK AGAIN FUCK
*Larry laughs*
Tony: LARRY PUT THE FUSE IN THE FUCKING THING
Larry: No you're getting angry at me *goes up to the door* if I let you out you have to promise not to be mad
Tony: *serial killer voice* I wont be mad
Larry: Okay putting it in *he puts it in*
*Tony quickly leaves looking very annoyed without even looking at Larry*
*Larry stands in the doorway holding the door open, Colin walks up and takes the fuse out and then hands it to Larry who backs into the room locking himself in*
Colin: *Walks back to the others holding in a laugh*
Candice: You okay there?
Tony: *Walking back up* Need another kidney *Looks in the window and sees Larry happily standing with the fuse* HOW DID YOU GET THE FUSE STUCK IN THERE!?
Colin: *Starts laughing*
Tony: I'M DONE
Colin: No you're not
Tony: THIS IS BULLSHIT
Colin: *Laughing*
Tony: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT *Points at Larry* WHAT IS THIS??? WHAT IS MY LIFE *Collapses to the floor* I can't do it Colin
Colin: I can't either
Tony: I can't fucking do it anymore
Colin: *Grabs his shoulders* WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TONY YOU CAN GIVE UP NOW OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT BECAUSE I CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT ME
Tony: I appreciate it *points at Larry again* BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH MAN, YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE YOU GOTTA DRAW THE FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND DUDE, YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT, YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY "what am I willing to put up with today?" NOT FUCKING THIS
Larry: *Breaks out of the room* I'M OUUUUUT
*Many many attempts later*
Paige: We did it!
Butch: It's finally over
Larry: That was fun, let's do that again
Tony&Butch: NO
Larry: Okay no need to get hostile
*They leave the game and see Salad Fingers having a picnic with all the failed patients*
Salad Fingers: Remington Harris and your very merry friends, how kind of you to join us
Paige: Wait shouldn't he have been with us?
Salad Fingers: I was with you but the tools weren't rusty enough for my salad fingers
Colin: How did you get out?
Salad Fingers: We just left
Tony: Just....left?
Salad Fingers: Yes through the door
Tony:
Tony: Excuse me for a moment *takes off his coat, folds it, smooshes his face into it and starts screaming*
Salad Fingers: Oh dear what is wrong with Thaddeus Foster?
Candice: I think we broke him
Colin: Oh dear *hugs him* There there, rule number one of video games, don't let them get to you
Tony: Video games are so very stressful
Colin: I'll introduce you to Animal Crossing, it's nice and calm
Tony: What do you do in it?
Colin: Pay off your debt to a raccoon
Tony: Can I kill the raccoon?
Colin: No but I'll mod the game for you
Tony: Thank you
Salad Fingers: *Brings a finger puppet to his ear* What's that Jeremy Fisher? oh really? *puts the puppet down* looks like your destination is just over there *he points with his creepy long fingers*
Tony: Thank God
Shrignold: Yes thank Malcolm, I have seen way too many guts today
Candice: And they were delicious
Shrignold: *To Larry* Well you were right, perhaps I should find you a new special one, someone normal
Candice: Yeah good luck with that pal
*The group walk to the lazer collection, Salad Fingers stays at his picnic with all his cospse friends and fingerpuppets
Colin: Careful everyone Doctor Octagonapus is ruthless, he even killed his own son
Butch: Dang really?
Colin: Accidentally but yeah
Doctor Octagonapus: I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ALL
Larry: Oh my God it's Alfred Molina!
Tony: You were!?
Doctor Octagonapus: Yess I found out about your plan to go back in time to destroy me so I did the same thing and I teamed up with a younger me!
*A second Doctor Octagonapus appears and laughs*
Colin: How did you do that!?
Doctor Octagonapus: Oh I used that thing *points to the TARDIS*
Colin: OH COME ON
Doctor Octagonapus: DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS BWAAH *Fires a lazer*
*Larry jumps in front of everyine with a giant spoon and deflects the lazer back to Doctor Octagonapus and killing him*
Candice: WHAT
Larry: Told ya they protec
Doctor Octagonapus: Well that's annoying, you killed my older self but now I know what not to do *he fires a lazer at Larry who isn't looking, Shrignold pulls him out of the way*
Shrignold: You need to be more careful!
Larry: Wow you saved me again!
Tony: *picks up the giant spoon* Give me that, I need something to take my anger out on *he glares up at Doctor Octagonapus* your move you....Colin give me the name of a fictional character he looks like so I can make fun of him
Colin: Octodad
Tony: Yes that
*Doctor Octagonapus fires a lazer at him*
*Tony hits it back but then Doctor Octagonapus takes out his own giant spoon and hits it back at Tony who dodges*
Tony: How the hell do you have one of these!?
Doctor Octagonapus: JUST BECAUSE
Colin: Wait it's just like Wind Waker!
Tony: What?
Colin: You have to play tennis! like with phantom Ganon!
Tony: I don't know what that means
Colin: *Sighs* Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for the Nintendo Gamecube
Tony: Ohhhh I see
*Doctor Octagonapus fires another lazer, Tony hits it back and then Doc hits it back and then Tony hits it back and that just kinda goes on*
Candice: This is the most boring game of tennis I've ever seen
Butch: Agreed
*After Doc hits the lazer back again he turns around and fires another one at Paige*
Tony: NO PAIGE
*Suddenly a rusty spoon is in front of them deflecting the shot back at Doc, it hits a tentical burning it off*
Doctor Octagonapus: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!?
Salad Fingers: How dare you treat my friends so shamefully
Paige: Hey can I borrow a spoon?
Salad Fingers: Alright, just be sure to give it back when you're done
Paige: Thanks!
Doctor Octagonapus: *Angerly starts firing lazers at everyone*
*Salad Fingers deflects all the blasts giving everyone a spoon each, the blasts fly around everywhere as everytime they get too low someone hits them back up, Doc is surrounded unable to fly anywhere, eventually a blast has hit each tenticle and he falls*
Tony: We win
Doctor Octagonapus: CURSES
Butch: What do we do with him?
Salad Fingers: Hmm *picks him up* I shall care for him, he is very rude but I will teach him how to be a gentleman
Doctor Octagonapus: Please just kill me instead
Colin: Nah this is better
Shrignold: Won't he just set the world on fire in the future?
Tony: Let's go back at check
*They turn to leave*
Larry: Thanks Salad Man! bye now!
Salad Fingers: Goodbye friends!
Paige: Be sure to check out Don't Hug Me I'm Scared in two years!

*Back to the future*
Candice: Huh looks like it worked
Colin: *Does a youtube search* Oh wow guys look
*They all at Colins screen and see Doctor Octagonapus in Salad Fingers videos, he looks miserable*
Larry: He looks happy
Shrignold: As happy as one could be in that situation
Paige: *Looks at their house and sighs happily* My paintbrushes are all better now
*They go inside and see Employed Brendon, The and Warren sitting on a couch together*
Butch: Hello people who don't live here
Tony: Wait why's the guy from the clothes shop here?
E.Brendon: I was invited in by your er.. eagle friend
Warren: We're best friends now
Paige: He doesn't work in a clothes shop he works in an art shop
Larry: No he works in the alcohol shop
Butch: No he works in the food shop
E.Brandon: All of those are correct
Paige: Wow you have a lot of jobs
E.Brendon: I also work with Edgar here at his Mortuary
Tony: Who?
Edgar (Coffin):...
E.Brendon: Did you not tell them your name?
Edgar: No I was trying to be mysterious
E.Brendon: Oh whoopsie daisy haha
Colin: Why are you even here?
Edgar: Bored as hell *waves at Tony* Hello
Tony: *Waves back happily*
Colin: *Turns to Tony* Hey uh wanna do that stargazing thing now? since the world is no longer on fire anymore
Tony: Sure, sounds good
*The two walk out to the garden, on the way out Colin flips off Edgar who just laughs*
Larry: *Gives him a thumbs up*
Larry: I met my childhood crush today
Edgar: Good for you
Larry: He tried to shoot me
Edgar: I'm not sure how to respond to that
Shrignold: Sounds like the coffin man was your most normal crush
Larry: He sells organs
Shrignold: He WHAT
Candice: Organs huh? *she sits down beside him* what's your prices?

*In the Garden Tony and Colin are lying down in the grass*
Colin: It's beautiful out here
Tony: Yeah it's just me, you, and the moon
Paige from the roof: HEY YOU TWO SHOULD KISS
Tony:
Colin:
Tony: Do you want to somewhere else?
Colin: Absolutely

Chapter Text

*It's morning time and everyone is at the table eating breakfast*
Candice: Do you really have to do that?
Paige: *Covering their waffle with gummy bears* Yes I do
Butch: How do you still have teeth?
Paige: I don't chew the food I just swallow it whole
Candice: How have you not choked to death!?
Paige: I am very lucky
*Colin walks in and sits down, he is whirring very loudly and breathing heavily*
Tony: Are you feeling okay?
Colin: I'm fine
Tony: Show me your screen
Colin: *Looks away*
Tony: Colin-
Colin: I'm FINE
Candice: *Jumps in front of him* A-ha! he has a virus
Tony: Thought so
Colin: No I don't
Tony: You should go to bed and rest
Colin: It's really not that bad
Tony: Okay *he get's up and walks to the other side of the room* walk over to me then
Colin: Psh that's easy *he gets up and starts walking towards Tony but then get's very dizzy and falls, Tony catches him before he hits the floor*
Tony: See? I'm taking you to bed now
Colin: Wait I'm- *overheating due to the virus and now being in Tony's arms making him heat up even more is too much and he passes out*
Tony: Colin? wow this must be a bad one *He picks him up carrying him bridal style and visibly struggling*
Paige: Are you gonna carry him all the way up to his room?
Tony: *Already out of breath* Of course I am
Candice: Want me to carry him instead? y'know since you're such a weakling
Tony: Okay first off ouch my pride and second no I would not he's not comfortable with that
Candice: He's unconscious
Tony: Yeah I don't care, it's not like his room is that far away
*Six minutes later half way up the stairs*
Tony: So this is how I die
Paige: You're doing amazing!
Butch: *Filming* I'm going to put this on the YouTube
Tony: You're too old for technology
Butch: I'm younger than you
Tony: And yet I still understand it better than you
Butch: Your best friend is a computer of course you understand it better than me
Tony: *Finally reaches the top of the stairs* Thank God
Tony:
Tony: His doors fucking closed
Paige: Don't worry I'll come open it for you! *runs up the stairs and opens the door*
*Tony goes in and puts Colin in his bed and then turns on all the fans to cool him down and also opens his window*
Tony: I really need to start working out *is out of breath*

Candice: Wow he finally did it I'm in awe
Butch: Yeah I filmed the whole thing look *shows her the video but the camera was in selfie mode the whole time* god dang it
Candice: We have our memories
Tony: *Walks downstairs* Right Paige and I are going up to the shops to pick up some things
Paige: What do we need again?
Tony: Well firstly we need toilet paper because you and Larry used it all making homemade mummy costumes
Paige: And we looked great
Tony: Also food, now I want you all to be quiet and let Colin rest if any of you bother him I swear to GOD
*Tony and Paige leave*
*Larry runs downstairs*
Larry: *Holding a python* GUYS I IMPULSIVELY BOUGHT A SNEAK WHAT DO I NAME HIM?
Butch: You did WHAT?
Candice: William Snakespear
Larry: I love it!
Butch: Fuck this *climbs on top of the fridge*
Larry: Wh-
Candice: Oh yeah I forgot you're scared of sneaks haha
Larry: Don't worry he's just a lil noodle
Butch: GET IT AWAY FROM ME
Warren: Oh hey morning everyone
Candice: Warren why are you still here?
Warren: I live here
Candice: Where have you been sleeping though?
Warren: Outside, that's where Tony told me to sleep
*Flashback*
Warren: Oh pleeeeease?
Tony: Okay fine you can stay
Warren: Ah! thank you! *runs in the house*
Tony: Ah! what are you-
Warren: This is gonna be fun! we can stay up late, swappin manly stories and in the mornin....I'm makin waffles
Tony: *Groans in frustration*
Warren: Where do uh I sleep?
Tony: OUTSIDE
Warren: Oh well I guess that's cool I mean I don't know you and you don't know me so I guess outside is best you know here I go *goes outside* good night
*Tony slams the door*
Warren: I mean I do like the outdoors I'm an eagle I was born outside I'll just be sitting by myself outside I guess you know by myself outside I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me...
*Flashforward*
Warren: So yep!
Candice: Soo uh how long are you gonna live here?
Warren: Until I get a job I guess, get my own place, then you guys can all come over everyday

*At the shops*
Paige: *Picks something up* Tony look it's the good kush
Tony: This is the pound shop how good can it be
Paige: *Laughs*
Shrignold: Oh hey guys fancy meeting you here
Tony: Oh hello you unidentified flying bastard
Shrignold: Wow rude
Paige: He's cranky cus Colin's sick
Tony: Paige do we have any jelly left?
Paige: Oh, no I used it all up earlier on my waffles
Sportacus: *Backflips over* Hey have any of you seen these two? *he shows a picture*
Paige: Hmm they do look kinda familiar
Shrignold: That's Troy and Gabriella from High School Musical! I love that movie!
Paige: Oh yeah it is them!
Sportacus: I am helping my new friend here track down his real parents! we could really use your help
Jacksepticeye: Top of the mornen to ya laddies
Shrignold: Of course we'll help you!
Paige: Yeah!
Tony: Guys we're suppose to be shopping
Paige: The jelly can wait
Sportacus: Sportscandy is much better for you than jelly!
Jacksepticeye: Guys look! *points* A giant jelly monster
Sportacus: Everyone run!
*They all run away from the giant jelly monster and hide*
Tony: This is not how I pictured my day going
Jacksepticeye: Hey y'know how they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Sportacus: That's right! it's because apples are high in-
Jacksepticeye: *Holding an apple* An apple keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough *he stands up and throws the apple at the jelly monster which hits it and it falls
Paige: Nice one Mr Eye!
Jacksepticeye: Thank you weird paper person
Sportacus: That was kinda violent
Shrignold: *Flies over to the jelly monster and hands it a flyer* Hey if you ever feel like life's unfair, everyone hates you and no one cares then you should worship Malcolm! he will make you feel loved and accepted and find you your very own special one
Tony: Wait this is a costume *takes the head off* Um-
Paige: ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Shrignold: ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Jacksepticeye: ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Sportacus: Robbie Rotten
Tony: Guys who the fuck is Robbie Rotten
Sportacus: Language
*Robbie wakes up*
Robbie: I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS
Sportacus: Hi Robbie! would you like to help us to find Jacksepticeyes parents? they look like this *he shows the picture*
Robbie: ME? help YOU? haha! as if! *he storms off*
Sportacus: Oh well I guess not
Shrignold: Hey I have an idea let's check Tesco!
Tony: LET ME BUY MY JELLY FIRST
*They go to Tesco after Tony buys his jelly*
Paige: Wow what a great meal deal
Tony: Don't eat those they're awful
Jacksepticeye: Wait what are those numbers on the side there?
Tony: They're co-ordinates
Jacksepticeye: That must be where my parents are!
Sportacus: Great job clock man!
*They get on the bus cus none of them has a car and they can't run as fast as Sportacus*
*The bus takes a wrong turn*
Paige: Um the bus is going the wrong way?
Tony: Yeah I noticed that, hold on *he get's up and walks to the front of the bus to speak with the driver* Hey em excuse me you're going the wrong way
Robbie: AM I? HAHAHA OOPSIE DAISY
Tony: ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Sportacus: Robbie No!
Paige: Where are you taking us?
Robbie: I have no idea! I can't even see! *is suddenly wearing a blindfold*
Jacksepticeye: I got this *he runs to the front of the bus and grabs the wheel* WE'RE FINDING MY PARENTS!
Shrignold: Is he trying to kidnap us!?
Tony: Don't know why you're so shocked you do that all the time
Shrignold: Excuse you those people are willing
Tony: To join a cult?
Shrignold: IT'S NOT A CULT
Sportacus: Does anyone have anything that can distract Robbie!? something sweet?
Paige: I don't carry food with me!
Shrignold: Neither do I!
Sportacus: Someone must have something!
Tony: Wait...I do *he takes out his jelly* farewell my love *he sheds a tear and then throws it at Robbie who catches it and takes off his blindfold*
Robbie: Oooh yummy jelly *he gets out of the seat which lets Jacksepticeye in*
Jacksepticeye: Woooooo! here we go!
Sportacus: You did very well clock man, you deserve this *hands him a sticker*
Tony: A sticker?
Sportacus: Not just any sticker! it's a sticker that says me-wow
Tony: I'm an adult
Sportacus: Oh okay if you don't want it that's-
Tony: *Grabs it and puts it on his jacket* No back off I earned this
*They arrive at the Co-ordinates*
Jacksepticeye: Ma! Pa! *he runs up to Troy and Gabriella*
Troy: Son!
Paige: Awwww that's nice
*The three start to sing you are the music in me and then they fly up to the sky and disappear*
Tony: What just happened?
Shrignold: That's what happens when you're reunited with your blood relatives, that's why found family is way better
Paige: Can confirm
Sportacus: Well thank you all for your help *he nods at them all and then backflips away*
Tony: What a strange man
Paige: Welp let's go home
Tony: We need to go back to buy things first
Paige: Oh right yeah we're out of toilet paper
Shrignold: From the mummy costumes?
Paige: From the mummy costumes!

Candice: Okay so you gotta flip the pancake so the other side gets cooked
Larry: Okay
Candice: Watch closely *Perfectly flips the pancake*
Butch: (Still on top of the fridge) *Claps* Gorgeous
Larry: *Tries to flip the pancake but the pan breaks in his hands*
Butch: You fucking donkey
Warren: Hahaha I do that
Candice: Why the hell aren't Tony and Paige back yet it's been hours?
Warren: Maybe they got lost?
Larry: Maybe they were eaten by a wild swarm of flesh eating locusts
Warren: Maybe they got zapped by a bolt from a God
Larry: MAYBE THEY DROWNED IN CEMENT
Warren: MAYBE STUFF FROM SPACE FELL ON THEM AND THEY DIED
Larry: MAYBE THEY WERE EATEN BY A GIANT BUNNY
Candice: Guys-
Larry: *Starts crying* They tried to run but it can hop
Colin: *In the doorway* Ugh whose making all that noise?
Warren: Tony and Paige got killed by a tornado
Butch: There was no tornado
Warren: Plane crash
Butch: No
Warren: Circus fire?
Butch: NO
Warren: Ah yes, Godzilla took their life's
Larry: WHYYYY WHYYYY
Warren: Fire breathing menace, curse you Godzilla! with your green spines, and fiery breath, I have fiery breath too but I take mints now and then
*Tony, Paige and Shrignold walk in*
Tony: I don't even want to know
Warren: THEY'RE ALIVE
Larry: PRAISE JEBUS
Candice: What the hell took so long?
Paige: We went to the shops and then saw Shrignold and then Sportacus was there and he needed help to find Jacksepticeyes real parents and Robbie Rotten-
Larry: WAIT YOU GUYS MET ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Paige: Sure did, Tony had to sacrifice his jelly cus he hijacked the bus
Larry: IS HE AS BEAUTIFUL IN REAL LIFE AS HE IS ON TV?
Shrignold: Beautiful!?
Larry: Yeah I had a crush on him when I was like six
Paige: His chin is longer than we make in a year
Larry: *Sighs dreamingly* Yeeeah
Tony: *Notices Colin* Why are you UP?
Colin: They were making a lot of noise and I couldn't sleep
Tony: I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO BOTHER HIM
Warren: WE THOUGHT YOU DIED
Butch: No you and Larry thought that
Candice: Also I called for a computer repair man
Colin: You WHAT?
E.Brendon: The computer repair man has arrived!
Colin: YOU!?
Candice: Who else? of course it's going to be him, everything is him, I go shopping for food it's him, I go buy organs and it's him
Shrignold: Do you ever sleep?
E.Brandon: Haha nope! *turns to Colin* Now let's see-
Colin: *Hiding behind Tony*
Tony: He's shy
Colin: *Hisses*
Tony: *Turns around to face Colin* Hey don't worry I'll be with you the whole time, let's get this virus sorted before it get's worse yeah?
Colin: *Sighs* Fine
*The three go through to the living room*
*Like nine minutes later*
E.Brendon: Right so small warning haha, he's going to act a little kooky for a while as he recovers
Tony: Kooky in what way?
E.Brendon: Drunk
Tony: Oh boy
Colin: *Stumbles in* HeY yOu'Re CuTe
Tony: Oh God he's a flirty drunk
E.Brendon: Welp good luck with that ha *he goes to leave but is stopped by Warren*
Warren: Hey business friend!
E.Brendon: Oh hello erm strange little eagle person
Warren: *Beams at being called eagle* Hey I have this really cool business idea, would you like to hear it?
E.Brendon: Oh uh sure
Warren: Cool! Paige told me I should ask if people want to hear my ideas and not just throw them at them because that's a nice thing to do
E.Brendon: Indeed it is
Warren: Ok so, she sells sea shells on the sea shore right? I'm going to do that!
E.Brendon: What?
Warren: Y'know like the tongue twister have you heard of it?
E.Brendon: I know what that is but you don't think that would work right?
Warren: Well I'm open to suggestions
E.Brendon: *Smirks* Take a seat boy, let a real business man tell you how it is
*Warren sits down, E.Brendon takes out his slides*
E.Brendon: She sells sea shells on the sea shore but the value of these shells will fall due to the laws of supply and demand. No one wants to buy shells cus there's loads on the sand
E.Brendon: Step 1: You must create a sense of scarcity, shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare you see. Bare with me and take as many shells as you can find and hide them on an island, stockpile em high until they're rarer than a diamond
E.Brendon: Step 2: You gotta make the people think that they want 'em, really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson, influencers, product placement, featured primetime entertainment if you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking wasteman
E.Brendon: 3: It's Monopoly, invest inside some property. Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly, these shells must sell that will be your new philosophy. Swallow all your morals there a poor man's quality
E.Brendon: 4: Expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hands
E.Brendon: 5: Why just shells? why limit yourself? she sells sea shells sell oil as well
E.Brendon: 6: Guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock
E.Brendon: 7: Press on the gas take your foot off the breaks then run to be the president of the United States
E.Brendon: 8: Big smile mate, big wave, that's great, now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate
E.Brendon: 9: Polarise the people, controversy is the game, it don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name
E.Brendon: 10: The world is yours. Step out on a stage to a round of applause. You're a liar, A cheat, a devil, a whore, and you sell sea shells on the sea shore
Warren: *Stands up and applauses* AMAZING
E.Brendon: *Bows* Thank you
Warren: I'm going to do all of those, you'll see me as the president
E.Brendon: Good luck with that *leaves the houses and mutters under his breath* fuckin loser

*The next day*
Colin: Oh hey my virus is gone
Tony: Guess it worked huh? haha
Colin: I didn't do anything weird did I?
Tony: *Starts blushing* NOPE HAHA NOTHING WEIRD AT ALL
Paige: Hey Colin someone's on the phone for you
Colin: Oh sweet *he goes through to pick up the phone*
Paige: Did you tell him?
Tony: Of course I didn't he was flirting with me all night
Paige: Haha aww
Tony: Stop
Colin: *Talking on the phone* Really? uh huh, you sure you want me for that? hm well alright sounds fun, be there soon *puts the phone down*
Tony: Who was it?
Colin: My cousin, her band's doing a show tonight and their keyboardist got sick so they need me to fill in for them
Paige: YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN A BAND?
Colin: Yep
Paige: CAN WE COME AND WATCH?
Colin: Yeah there's still tickets left
Tony: Well this'll be interesting
*A loud crash*
*They all look over and see Robbie Rotten*
Tony: What the hell are you doing here?
Robbie: I want waffle fries
Larry: Wait I know that voice...*he walks in* *Squeals* ROBBIE ROTTEN!?
Paige: I didn't realize you could get that high pitched
Larry: *Climbs Robbie like a koala* TAKE A PICTURE
Robbie: GET OFF
Paige: Okay! *takes a picture*
Larry: I am getting that framed *jumps down* CANDICE MAKE WAFFLE FRIES
Candice: No they make your gums go grey
Larry: ROBBIE ROTTEN WANTS WAFFLE FRIES AND ROBBIE ROTTEN IS GOING TO GET WAFFLE FRIES HE'S THE NUMBER ONE VILLIAN
Robbie: That's right I am
Candice: Okay FINE but don't say I didn't warn you
Larry: *Starts flapping his hands around*
Shrignold: *Flies through the window* Hello!
Paige: Hi Shrignold!
Shrignold: *Flies over to Larry* You look very happy
Larry: Look whose in the kitchen!
Shrignold: *Looks in* um why is he here?
Larry: He wants waffle fries!! isn't he beautiful?
Shrignold: No

*Gig time*
Tony: Larry are you DRUNK?
Larry: We're in a bar of course I am
Tony: Oh my God *looks around* Where is Shrignold?
Larry: *Points to Shrig standing in a corner*
*Tony calls him over*
Shrignold: Yes?
Tony: Keep an eye on Larry and make sure he doesn't pass out in a ditch somewhere
Shrignold: *Sighs* Fine
*Tony joins Paige in front of the stage while they wait for the band to come on*
Paige: I've never been to a live music event before! it's nice
Tony: I've been to a few, not to fond of the strong alcohol smell or sticky floors though
*The music playing over the speakers stop as the band come on stage and take their instruments, Colin is near the back on his keyboard and the lead guitarist and singer takes center stage and sings*
Electracey: It's serious, I've got to find you when I start to feel this way you mesmerize me all the time. And I'll hold on until tonight but that's too long cause you're an angel, oh, you're an angel, my crazy angel *While she's singing she jumps off the stage and walks down the front, they stop at Paige, takes their hands and kisses it before going back up on the stage and continuing the song*
*The band goes through their set list and finishes up, Tony and Paige go to the merch area where they are*
Colin: Hey guys!
Tony: Colin you were amazing up there! I had no idea you could play that well
Colin: Yeah I don't normally play, also loving the look, black eyeliner really suits you
Tony: Really? thanks! can't get waterproof though because I'm allergic, I'm sure that's not going to cause any problems though haha
Electracey: Sooo this must be Tony, hello! I'm Electracey, Colin's cousin
Tony: Oh nice to meet you
Electracey: Haha Colin's told me all about you
Tony: Yeah?
Electracey: Yeah
Colin: Listen I don't talk THAT much
Electracey: I didn't say you did haha
Colin: Haha *flips her off while standing behind Tony so he doesn't see*
Electracey: *Thumbs up*
Paige: OMG HI I LOVE YOUR HAIR
Electracey: Hi I love yours too!
Paige: ALso you sing really well and you kinda sound like me
Colin: I don't hear it
Electracey: You're Paige right?
Paige: Yes!! did Colin tell you about me?
Electracey: He did! don't worry all good things

Larry: *Dancing* This songs slaps *sees Shrig who's just kinda sitting there staring at the floor and sits beside hm* yo what's up?
Shrignold: Do you really think Robbie Rotten is beautiful?
Larry: Yeah dude he's the second most beautiful guy I have ever laid eyes on
Shrignold: Wait second?
Larry: Yeah
Shrignold: Then whose the first? is it the Coffin man?
Larry: Nope, you
Shrignold: *Is lost for words, he starts blushing really heavily and looks away*
Larry: Wait are you blushing!?
Shrignold: NO
Larry: Aww ha you're flustered
Shrignold: *Stands up* I should get going, it's late
Larry: *Stands up* Wait hold on Tony wanted you to make sure I don't pass out in a ditch remember?
Shrignold:...
Larry: Um...Shrig are you jealous?
Shrignold: *Looks at him* What? no of course I'm not, you'd think I'd be jealous of some tall lazy guy with a giant chin?
Larry: You're jealous
Shrignold: *Sighs* I'm just confused
Larry: About what?
Shrignold: Myself? I don't know anymore
Larry: Okay you're getting stressed, we gotta sort that out *he offers his hand* let's dance our worries away
Shrignold: Aren't you a bit too drunk to dance?
Larry: Look around! everyone here is a bit too drunk to dance, but we do it anyway cus it's fun, c'mon
*Shrignold hesitates for a moment before taking his hand and they dance together*

Chapter Text

*Butch is minding his own business writing over cooking instructions in one of Gordon Ramsay's cookbooks*
Tony: *Walks over* Hey uh could you drive Larry to the ER?
Butch: *Sighs* What happened now?
Tony: Let's just say dart plus crossbow plus tosser equals dart in foot
Butch: *Muttering swears under his breath as he closes the book and puts it back on his bookshelf* I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY
*Butch goes into the other room and sees Larry sitting in the floor with a dart in his foot and Shrignold crying*
Butch: What is wrong with you both?
Shrignold: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO
Larry: Haha when I take this out I'll be able to see through my foot *goes to take it out*
Tony & Butch: LARRY
Larry: *Stops* Okay geez
Butch: *Picks Larry up by the back of his shirt* C'mon we're going to the hospital
Tony: Shrignold go with him I can't stand you crying around me
Shrignold: *Sniffs* Okay
*The three leave*
*Paige and Electracey walk in*
Paige: Hi Tony we're gonna go to an old abandoned house
Tony: Why?
Electracey: Vandalism *shows spray paint cans*
Tony: Oh of course
Colin: WHY ARE YOU HERE!?
Electracey: Me and Paige are besties now
Colin: Um it's "Paige and I"
Electracey: This is why you only have two friends
Colin: Shut your fuck
Tony: I'll go with you
Paige: Oh nice! but why?
Tony: I just witnessed an injury and I'd like to prevent one
Colin: Who got injured?
Tony: Larry. Shrignold accidentally shot him in the foot with a dart
Paige: Neat
Electracey: Oof
Colin: That doesn't even surprise me anymore

*They walk to the abandoned house*
Colin: Wow that's haunted
Paige: Eh I don't believe in ghosts
Tony: You've literally met skeletons
Paige: Skeletons aren't ghosts
Colin: You've also met aliens
Paige: Aliens aren't ghosts either
Tony: Yeah okay let's just get this over with
*They go inside*
Colin: Would be really cool if there was a ghost here tho, I need to know if I sound like Shakira
Electracey: Ehh I'd say you sound more Hatsune Miku
Colin: That is the nicest thing you've ever said to me
Tony: Um can we make this quick? this house looks very unstable
Paige: You can't rush art
Electracey: Paige look I drew amogus
Paige: Haha what a funky looking lad, I'll give him a hat *draws a hat*
Electracey: I also drew wolfjob
Colin: Why
Electracey: Don't worry I censored it with another amogus
Tony: What the hell is wolfjob?
Electracey: I'm not telling you that
Colin: Don't look it up
Paige: The wolf isn't friendly looking enough I'll give him a hat *draws a hat*
Colin: Please don't add to the wolfjob
Electracey: What you don't like wolfjob?
Colin: I do not want it in this house I do not want it with a mouse
Electracey: Hold on I'll put a hat on the hat *draws a hat*
Paige: And I'll put a hat on the hat *draws a hat*
Electracey: And I'll draw a smaller wolf on the hats *draws the wolf*
Paige: I'll put a smaller hat on the first hat *draws a hat*
Electracey: Haha cool *takes out her phone and takes a picture of the wall and Paige standing next to it*
Tony: Do you think a fall from the roof would be enough to kill me?
Colin: Tony no-
*Suddenly a teenager with bunny ears is standing between Colin and Tony*
Popee: What are you doing?
*Tony and Colin jump*
Tony: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?
Popee: Oh I'm Popee! Popee the clown and you're in my house
Paige: But it's abandoned
Popee: Not anymore! I live here now
Colin: I thought you lived in the desert
Popee: Well I did but global warming exists and the sand all melted
Colin: That's not-
Electracey: Oh no that's so sad
Tony: Guess we should leave then
Popee: Nah, my one and only friend left to go to KFC so I was getting a little lonely
Paige: Maybe we can play a game then? until they get back that is
Popee: *Smiles* That's a wonderful idea *he presses a button on a wall and the room transforms so now they're standing at the end of a long hallway with a large clown doll standing on the other side*
Tony: Um what kind of game is this?
Popee: A squid game
Colin: Oh no NO NO NO NO NO
Paige: Do you really hate squids that much?
Electracey: He hates any water creature
Paige: Ohhh right yeah
Colin: WHEN PAIGE SAID "GAME" THEY DIDN'T MEAN ONE WHERE IF YOU LOSE YOU GET SHOT
Popee: Well maybe they should've been more specific
Electracey: We'll be fine it's just red light green light

E.Brendon: *Handing Shrignold some pills* Make sure he takes one of these every day for two weeks to prevent infections
Shrignold: I will
Butch: Aren't you the computer repair man?
E.Brendon: Yes, I'm also a Doctor
Larry: Whaaaaat? man you're just like Barbie *starts singing Barbie girl*
E.Brendon: Hm, that's a strange reaction to his medication
Butch: He's just like that
E.Brendon: Huh
*The three go home, Shrignold helps Larry in the house with his crutches then brings him to the couch and makes him sit down. He then takes a foot stool and stacks up some pillows he he can elevate his foot*
Shrignold: I am so very sorry about this
Larry: It's fine
Shrignold: No it isn't, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Larry: Uhh, you could stay? like until I've recovered
Shrignold: *Smiles* Sure, I'll make sure you don't have to walk, is there anything you'd like me to get you?
Larry: Alcohol
Butch: *Reading the instructions for the meds* Nope can't have that whilst you're on these
Larry: IT'S NOT FINE ANYMORE *Tries to get up*
Shrignold: *Pushes him back down to the couch* LARRY YOU NEED REST
Larry: *Breathing heavily* This just got a whole lot harder
Shrignold: It's just for two weeks
Larry: Well good thing I have you here to get me through those two weeks
*Shrignold get's a bit flustered and laughs nervously*
Butch: *Looks directly at you* Why did I get stuck with the love birds?
Warren: *Is summoned* I'M A BIRD
Butch: Oh yeah you're still here
Warren: *Sits between Shrignold and Larry* Not for long! I've been selling sea shells by the sea shore and making sweet mons
Larry: *Suddenly holding a cup of milk* Cool bro I'll drink to that
Butch: *Grabs the cup out of his hand* NO
Larry: But it's not alcohol this time
Butch: STOP drinking milk, you're lactose intolerant
Warren: *Gasps* YOU'RE LACK TOES AND TALLER AUNT TOO?
Larry: WHOA YOU ARE AS WELL!?
Warren: YEAH
Larry: BRO
Warren: BRO
Butch: Oh no there's two of them
Larry: Also I have this crazy theory that if we tolerate it hard enough we can drink it
Warren: Go on
Larry: Watch *takes a cup of milk out of his pocket* I TOLERATE YOU *Drinks it* See?
Warren: Wow! *he also drinks milk*
Shrignold: This wont end well
Butch: *Looking at his phone* WHAT THE HELL DID COLINS WEIRD COUSIN POST TO THE GROUP CHAT!?
Shrignold: Huh? *looks at his phone* well that isn't Malcolm approved
Larry: IS THAT FUCKING WOLFJOB!?

Tony: WE FINISHED YOUR DAMN GAME
Popee: I'm so confused, your friend got shot in the head and they're alive???
Paige: Actually I died a while ago so I can get shot as much as I want
Colin: Why would you want to get shot?
Paige: It tickles
Popee: That's not fair! come up to where I am you're not playing anymore
Paige: You need to bribe me first
Popee: Oh uh...I think I have some week old doughnuts in the fridge
Paige: Oh sweet! *runs up to stand with Popee*
Popee: Okay next game is Fall Guys!
Tony: This is why we should hate kids
Popee: It's easy just get to the other side of the obstacle course without falling to your death
Paige: I believe in you all!
Colin: Good thing I played all that Assassins Creed *he runs forward and is able to run up a wall and climb up on top of it*
Tony: How does playing a video game make you good at parkour in real life?
Electracey: Okay my turn next! good thing I played all that Banjo Kazooie *They do the same thing Colin did*
Tony: THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE
Colin: Come on Tony! run up the wall and grab our hands
Tony: Alright here goes nothing *he runs up the wall but slips and luckily the electronics catch him and pull him up in time, Colin pulls him up the most and unintentionally pulls him into his arms, Tony's face turns whatever shade dark blue skin turns when one blushes idk*
Electracey: Well good thing we played all that The Walking Dead
Tony: WHAT
Kedamono: *Walks in* Uh what's going on?
Popee: Oh look whose finally back
Kedamono: Yeah haha KFC was closed so I went to McDonalds
Popee: YOU CHEATED ON KFC!?
Kedamono: Uh...
Paige: Oooh a purple wolf! now I feel weird for drawing all that wolfjob everywhere
Kedamono: What job? *he notices what's happening* WAIT POPEE WHAT IS ALL THIS?
Popee: I'm playing a game with some people who broke into our house *looks down at the three of them helping each other get through the obstacle course* STOP BEING FRIENDS
Tony: Why? does it make you sad that you don't have any?
Popee: I do have friends! *points to Kedamono* he's my friend!
Colin: You throw bombs at him on a regular basis!
Popee: THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO!
Colin: No it isn't!
*The three reach it to the end of the obstacle course*
Tony: There we beat your game, now let us out
*Popee is visibly angry*
Kedamono: *To Paige* You should probably cover your ears
Paige: Why?
Popee: *Screams really loud*
Kedamono: That's why
Paige: What?
Kedamono: I said that's why!
Paige: WHAT!?
Kedamono: Never mind
Popee: YOU FRICKING FRICKS. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!?
Electracey: What consequences?
Popee: THESE CONSEQUENCES *He grabs a chainsaw from the void and jumps down*
Tony: Calm down kid it's three against one we're going to win
Popee: Oh is it?
*Suddenly some tree roots fly down and grab Colin and Electracey, lifting them up*
Tony: COLIN!!
Colin: I'm okay! don't worry
Electracey: I'm okay too if anyone wanted to know
Tony: How the hell did you do that?
Popee: The house is alive, so I guess the house is also my friend huh?
Colin: Houses can't be friends
Electracey: Just accept the friendlessness
Popee: SHUT UP OR YOU'RE BOTH LOSING YOUR KNEE PRIVELAGES *Turns to Tony* now pick a weapon and fight me
Tony: Fine *He picks up a sword* ready
*Popee turns the chainsaw on and leaps at Tony quickly swinging it wildly*
Tony: *Blocking his attacks* Y'know if you're fighting with anger you're going to lose
Kedamono: *Starts cheering* Rick'em rack'em rock'em round! stick that sword into that clown!
Popee: You stay out of this!
Kedamono: *Annoyed* Popee, Popee he's our bun if he can't do it GREAT
Paige: So you guys aren't friends?
Kedamono: No we are I'm just bitter cus he killed me yesterday
Paige: Huh
Butch: *Arrives* What the hell is going on?
Paige: Oh hey Butch how'd you find us?
Butch: Tracey left their location on when they posted wolfjob to the group chat
Paige: Actually since you're here can you use your long body to get Colin and Electracey up here? they're stuck in some roots
Butch: Yes I can, and I'm not long
Kedamono: You are a giant
Butch: I'm only 6'7
Paige: ONLY?
Butch: Anyhow *he pulls the roots that have the two in them up and frees them
Popee: *Notices* WAIT NO, STOP IT
Tony: *Taking advantage of Popee being distracted he sweeps his legs from under him making him fall and drop the chainsaw which he kicks away and points the sword at him* You know what they say, you snooze you lose and it looks like you snost and you lost
Popee: Yeah.....I did snooze *closes his eyes tightly* do it
Tony: Do what?
Popee: This was a fight to the death and you won so now you kill me
Tony: Nah I'm good
Popee: *Opens his eyes* What?
Tony: *Offers his hand* Come on
Popee: *Rejects his hand and stands up on his own*
*Tony shrugs and turns and climbs up to the others*
Popee: *Follows him* YOU KNOW THIS DOESN'T COUNT RIGHT? I'M GOING TO FIGHT YOU AGAIN AND I'M GOING TO WIN
Tony: Sure kid
Popee: And I'll cut your head off with my chainsaw and keep it in a jar
Tony: Yup
*The two get up to the top*
Tony: *Walks up to Colin* You okay?
Colin: Yep! you fought great down there
Tony: Heh it was nothing
Paige: *To Popee* Hey wanna be friends?
Popee: Wait..you want to be friends with me?
Paige: Yeah!
Popee: Why?
Paige: I like your cool bunny ears
Popee: Oh...sure
Paige: Yay! *goes to hug him*
Popee: *Pushes them away* What are you doing!?
Paige: I was gonna give you a big ol hug
Popee: Thought you were attacking me

*Back home*
Shrignold: *Flying near the ceiling holding three bottles of milk*
Larry: You can't stay up there forever! I WILL HAVE MY MILK
Shrignold: Larry no you're gonna get really sick!
Larry: No I wont
Shrignold: Yes you will! look at Warren
*Larry looks at Warren who is lying face down on the floor*
Larry: He's fine
Shrignold: No he's not
Larry: He's just sleepy
Shrignold: No he's just passed out from drinking milk
Larry: He didn't tolerate hard enough
Shrignold: That's not what that means
Larry: Shrignold if you don't come down here right now and give me my milk I will kiss you!
Shrignold: WHAT
Larry: HAHA! Now you're conflicted, just come on down and there will be no trouble
Shrignold: How're you gonna kiss me when I'm up here and you're down there and can only use one foot?
Larry: Who needs feet with arms like these? *grabs his leg* I'M GONNA CLIMB YOU LIKE A TREE
Shrignold: NO I'M NOT ALLOWED TO KISS PEOPLE
Candice: *Standing in the doorway* I knew I should've stayed out for a few more hours
Larry: Oh hey Candy where ya been?
Candice: I was out with Frank and Brody, and hmm Larry has a bandaged foot, Warren is dead and Shrignold is holding milk....what happened?
Larry: Guess?
Candice: Man I don't know, you fell down the stairs again and fell on Warren and killed him and uh Shrignold became a criminal and tried to steal the milk
Larry: You got it!
Shrignold: No! I would never be a criminal
Larry: Bro you kidnap people
Shrignold: It's not kidnapping if they go with you willingly
*The rest arrive*
Butch: Oh wow Larry's not dead
Colin: But Warren is
Tony: Finally
Shrignold: Can someone take all this milk so Larry doesn't drink it
Electracey: I will help out! *she runs over and takes the milk and then walks to the kitchen*
Shrignold: Okay good
Larry: *Continues climbing Shrignold*
Shrignold: I DON'T HAVE THE MILK ANYMORE
Larry: And now you must suffer the consequences *kisses his cheek*
Shrignold: *Screaming*
Tony: Please quiet down, I've had to deal with too much screaming today
Popee: FIGHT ME CLOCK MAN
Tony: YOU FOLLOWED US HOME!?
Popee: Yes and now I know where you live so I can show up whenever I want and fight you, and this time you're gonna lose and then see how pathetic you are and how superior I am!
Candice: What's with this sassy lost child?
Popee: I'm not a child I'm seventeen
Larry: Don't worry about it she calls me a child too
Candice: That's cus you act like one
Shrignold: And me
Candice: That's cus you're short
Popee: Hmm maybe I should fight you as well
Shrignold: Actually *flies over* do you ever feel lonely?
Popee: Yeah
Shrignold: Well I know someone who can make that awful feeling go away forever
Colin: Hoe don't do it
Shrignold: And his name is Malcolm
Colin: Oh my god
Shrignold: He can find you your true special one
Popee: Ew I don't want a special one I just want friends who I can rip apart whenever I feel like it
Shrignold:
Shrignold: You're a little messed up aren't you?
Popee: Yep!
*Suddenly a game show comes on the TV*
Larry: Oh hey this is the game I'm gonna be a contestant on in like three days
Colin: A game show?
Larry: Yeah you can win cool rocks, also the host is kinda *smiles and nods*
Colin: What
Announcer: And now your host! The Dancing Banana!
*The host appears at the top of the stairs and runs down waving to everyone and then runs up onto the stage*
Colin: Oh yeah he is kinda *smiles and nods*
Shrignold: I don't see it
Tony: Same
Shrignold: He's kinda ugly
Tony: Oh he's very ugly
Shrignold: Probably talentless as well
Tony: Definitely, probably stupid too
Candice: Well someone's a little jealous huh?
Tony & Shrignold: No I'm not
Candice: I didn't say who I was talking about
Larry: I actually hear he's very smart
Colin: Ooh he is?
Tony: Well I'm smarter, just to prove it I'm going to go on that quiz show and win it
Larry: If you win a cool rock can I have it?
Tony: Yeah sure
Larry: Sweet!
Tony: I'll even wear my best bow tie to beat his ugly one
Colin: Well that'll be fun to see
*Larry and Colin turn back to the TV to keep watching it*
Electracey: *Speaking quietly to Tony* Colin will be very impressed if you win by the way
Tony: Hm?
Electracey: You want to impress him, so that's how you do it
Tony: *Clears his throat* Yes I knew that, not that that's my goal
Electracey: Uh-huh
Kedamono: *Runs in the house out of breath* I'M HERE
Popee: Oh hi Kedamono ha, he dared me to follow you guys by the way
Kedamono: No I didn't I said "Popee don't follow them" and you said "I do what I want" and then you pushed me down the stairs and followed them
Larry: I fell down the stairs once, haha I love Family Guy
Kedamono: We know a family guy
Popee: Psht
Kedamono: He followed me
Popee: WHAT!?
Papi: *From outside the window* Popee are you in here?
Popee: *Screams and hides behind Tony* HIDE ME HE CAN'T FIND ME
Paige: Who is that?
Kedamono: His Father
Popee: NO HE ISN'T I HAVE NO FATHER
Candice: Unless he's deaf he's gonna hear you so maybe you should stop screaming
Popee: MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN MOUTH
Tony: *Sighs* This is going to be a long day

Chapter Text

*Everyone is standing outside the Shovelware Brain Game studio*
Colin: So you really think you can win?
Tony: Of course I can I'm up against Larry
Colin: Okay fair point
Larry: Wow I'm right here
Tony: I'm aware
Shrignold: Larry are you sure you don't want to back out? seeing as though you still have a foot injury?
Larry: (Is using crutches) It's cool I'll just hop. Just hop on pop, you ever read that?
Shrignold: No, what is it?
Larry: It's a children's book series ya fuckin dingus
Shrignold: Oh
Larry: It's all about hoppin on pop
Shrignold: Is that a drug?
Larry: NO IT'S A DAD AND HIS NAMES POP AND YOU GOTTA HOP ON POP ITS ABOUT BUNNY RABBITS
Shrignold: *Laughs*
Larry: HOP ON POP
Shrignold: Don't ever yell that at me again
Larry: Sorry Shrig I had ten cups of coffee earlier
Shrignold: Is that why you're shaking? I thought you were just really nervous
Larry: Well yeah I am about to meet a hot guy
Colin: Damn I'm jealous
Tony: Guys he's a banana
Candice: Do you think removing his peel means removing his clothes or his skin?
Butch: I think you should stop talking for a while
Tony: I want to remove his peel and stick him in a fucking blender
Butch: Jesus fucking Christ
Tony: See you in hell you stupid fruit
Larry: Hey no need to get hostile
Paige: Can you paint with a blended fruit?
Warren: Oh hi guys!
Tony: What the hell are you doing here?
Warren: I'm a contestant
Tony: I'm up against Larry and Warren? just hand me the prize already
*The back door opens*
Peel: Okay contestants come on in, others please enter through the front of the studio
Tony: Well looks like it's time
Colin: You'll do great!
Tony: I know I will
Shrignold: Good luck Larry
Larry: Thanks Shrig!
*The three go inside*
Shrignold: (To Peel) Hey um he might need some help getting to the stage
*Peel just nods and closes the door*
Shrignold: I feel like my request was just brushed off there
Paige: COME ON SHRIG WE GOTTA GET GOOD SEATS!

*Everyone is sat in the audience and they see Tony, Larry and Warren at the stand things*
*The Dancing Banana enters through the door with his face on it*
Announcer: Introducing the Banan with the plan! The Dancing Banana!
Banana: *Throws himself down the stairs and does the Family Guy death pose and then gets up and then audience claps*
Larry: Hahaha I do that
Tony: *Under his breath* Dumbass
Banana: *Walks up onto the stage* Thank you! thank you! I'm contractually obligated to be here! haha *Walks over* what interesting contestants we have this time! why don't you all introduce yourselves?
Tony: Well my name is Tony and I'm here to win
Banana: Love it! love the confidence
Larry: I'm Larry and I'm just here for the lolz
Banana: Love that as well
Warren: I'm here to be on TV because I'm going to be the President one day
Banana: Well okay then Mr.President, do you have anything to say for our lovely people?
Warren: *Clears throat* My Grandpa was name Andrew- Th...Th-finnegan. As a kitchen table I learned I used to saw Warren ain't no one is better than you! But you're no better than anybody else
Banana: Couldn't have said it better myself, now then please pick a category
Warren: I'll go for zoo pals because I'm a clever boy
Colin: (Yelling from the audience) LIAR
Banana: Oooh a contestant is being heckled by the audience! haha the drama
Announcer: *Slapping noises* ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANT MAN! There are so many of them! no picnic is safe but how many worldwide?
Warren: At least seven
Larry: Tweny-one *starts laughing*
Tony: Twenty quadrillion
Announcer: Nope!
*Warren and Larry get a X and Tony gets a tick*
Tony: YEAH LET'S GOOOOOOO
Banana: Well someone's fired up
Larry: Y'know speaking of animals something I've always wondered is how do they know how to animal when they're not taught? like nobody teaches them, like if you get a cat and it spawns and you take it away from it's mum the cat knows how to cat without looking at any other cats...how?
Warren: Something I've always wondered is is it true that we only see giraffes when they're aroused and when they're not aroused they just look like a horse?
Tony: I think we should move onto the next question
Banana: I think that's a great idea, Larry it's your turn to pick a category
Larry: Okay I'll choose I don't like that because that's how I feel about what Warren just said
Announcer: Which US president is known for saying "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Larry: Come on man I don't know shit bout Murica
Banana: Hey you can't say that on TV!
Warren: Me, I'm going to say that so I'll be known for saying that
Tony: Franklin D. Roosevelt
Announcer: Well one of you is correct
*Tony once again gets a tick whilst Larry and Warren get X's*
Tony: HAHA YESSS
Banana: Well I can see how this game is going to go, Tony it's your turn
Tony: I shall go for what's the word
Announcer: Which of these is an antonym of the word "arbitrary"?
Tony: Oh that's a simple one-
Larry: ITS AR
Warren: NO IT'S A
Tony: No it's logical, why are you both stupid?
Larry: You only got that because your name is in the question
Tony: Do you even know what an antonym is?
Larry: Some sort of cat?
Tony: *Puts his face in his hands*
Banana: This is TV gold
*Tony gets a tick and Larry and Warren get X's*
Banana: Well it's your turn again Mr President, what will you choose?
Warren: To show everyone how smart I am I will pick math zone
Banana: Ah our least picked category, good to see it again
Announcer: What is ten times ten?
Tony: Oh come on
Warren: ONE HUNDERED
Larry: ONE HUNDERED
Tony: One hundred
Warren: Hey you guys copied me
Tony: Keep telling yourself that
Announcer: Rare W!
*They all get ticks*
Tony: Could've given them a harder one
Banana: Okay what's 4,638,846 times 84,930,840?
Tony: Not that hard
Colin: 393,981,087,410,640
Banana: Oh wow looks like we've got an Einstein in the audience
Colin: *Giggles*
Tony: *Crushes the mug he's holding in his hand with his hand*
Banana: Huh you crushed that while looking right at me it's almost like what I said filled you with so much murderous rage that you had to take it out on a cup
Warren: Hey I've got a question to get your brains going, get this, how do we breathe in cars? like there's no air holes
Tony: *Looks into a camera very unamused*
Larry: I have no idea but I stuck a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass
Banana: Well good thing this isn't live
Pear: Ugh I'm losing IQ points just watching those two
Banana: You can't lose what you don't have
Pear: You FUCKER
Banana: Please don't swear in front of my nephews
Pear: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I HAVE THE MOST IQ POINTS OUT OF ANYONE ON THAT STAGE INCLUDING YOU
Banana: Well why don't you come on down here and prove it?
Pear: Maybe I will how about that? *he get's up and walks down the stairs*
Announcer: Give it up for Pear! you all know him you all love him he's here for every show and complains a lot!
*The crowd cheers as he goes to the stage and stands at a podium that just kinda appeared*
Pear: I'm bouta end this mans whole career, It's my turn yes?
Banana: Actually it's Larry's but then it'll be yours, just you wait
Pear: *Sighs* Fiiiiiine
Banana: So Larry what category do you want?
Larry: I'll pick taste test because I like food
Announcer: What is a Britwurtzt? because my friends keep telling me to try one and I keep saying I will but I don't actually know what it is and it's gone on for so long that I can't exactly tell them I have no idea what it is so please help me
Larry: A British person
Banana: You eat British people?
Larry: When you're friends with those two *points at Butch and Candice* you eat a lotta weird stuff
Pear: It's a German sausage stupid
Tony: Yes I was just about to say
Warren: Jesus backwards is susej
Larry: Yes and God backwards is dog which means sausage dogs are the second coming of Christ
Banana: Aaaaaand would you look at that, we've reached the halfway point! we'll see you all back here after the ads! *turns* okay I'm going to go backstage now and get some paracetamol for the headache you've all given me so see you in a bit! *he leaves*
Cherries: Heehee this banana is an awful host
Tony: Ah nice some audience members with the same hatred as me
Larry: Yeah I'll tell you who doesn't hate Banana, Pear
Pear: What the fuck are you talking about?
Larry: Do you fancy him?
Pear: No
Paige: He probably dresses up as him
Pear: Shut the hell up
Larry: Why do you come to every show?
Pear: Because it's so bad that it's good
Tony: You spend money on tickets so you must enjoy it
Pear: Kinda?
Larry: So you love him then?
Pear: I- no- you're all being really immature
Colin: Look at him squirm!
Pear: I'M NOT SQUIRMING
Tony: Have you ever met him outside of the show?
Pear: No I haven't
Larry: Would you like to saddle up to him and say "here's something I made earlier~"
Pear: You two are enjoying this way too much
Tony: Well I need something to entertain myself
Pear: Look I'm here because I get bored it has nothing to do with that YELLOW BITCH
*While Pear is ranting Larry writes "Pear fancies Banana" and shows it to the audience who laughs
Pear: I'm assuming you all have nothing better to do with your life's, also assuming none of you get bitches
Warren: *Looks down* Yeah *sighs*
Larry: I get bitches
Tony: I would prefer not to refer to people as bitches
Candice: You called Shrignold a bitch yesterday
Tony: He is a bitch
Pear: Larry please enlighten me on what bitches you get
Larry: The lemonade guy
Shrignold: He tried to kill you
Larry: It happens
Warren: Do you get bitches, Pear?
Pear: Yes
Larry: Like Banana?
Pear: SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTH
Banana: Take a shot every time the word bitches was said in that conversation
Larry: Ok!
Pear: Were you just there the whole time?
Banana: Yeah I was too amused to step in, now then *stands in front of the camera* Welcome back to Shovelwares Brain Game everyone!
*The audience claps*
Banana: Now with buzzers! Tony had it in the first half but now with Pear as a contestant can he really win? *turns to them* and Pear it's finally your turn
Pear: I pick music
Announcer: Name a black singer
Warren: *Hits buzzer* HARRY STYLES
Banana: He's white as snow
Warren: Yeah but that's because he bleached his skin to look like that
Banana: That's Michael Jackson
Warren: Oh whoops
Pear: *Hits buzzer* Lil Nas X
Announcer: That works for me
Larry: Damn you listen to Lil Nas X? now I know how you get the bitches
Pear: Please stop talking and can I point out *takes the paper off of Larry's podium* stop writing "Pear fancies Banana" on a piece of paper *crumples it up and throws it to the ground and the audience laughs*
Banana: Haha well then, Warren go on
Warren: Okay I choose modelling
Announcer: If you were really attractive how should you pose?
Larry: *Hits buzzer* With your cock out
*The audience starts laughing, Banana drops his mic and stares at nothing for a moment*
Announcer: Right just for that, no one is getting points
Tony: Dammit Larry
Banana: Hey uh there's just a small note from the desk that I get in through my ear, um Larry like a tiny editorial just tweak, if we can have stuff that we actually can broadcast
Larry: Hahaha I'm gonna get banned
Banana: Probably yes!
Announcer: Okay I'm picking the questions from now on, next up what is the most common word used in the English language? oh I just used it there!
Warren: Is?
Larry: In?
Tony: What
Pear: The
Announcer: Ding ding ding! Pear is correct
Tony: GOD DAMNIT
Announcer: Next up we have everyone's favourite special guest! Boardy the smart board
*Boardy comes out and everyone cheers*
Boardy: Hey everyone! gotta good question for ya! *shows a painting on his screen* What is the name of this famous painting?
Tony: *Hits buzzer* I KNOW THIS ONE IT'S AMERICAN GOTHIC
Announcer: Correct!
Paige: HECK YEAH I'M SO PROUD YOU REMEMBERED!!
Tony: It's great having an arty friend
Boardy: Good job! I'll be backstage if anyone wants an autograph! *he leaves*
Announcer: And now for the very last question, Who did this? laughing crying emoji
Pear: Oh um I know this uh
Tony: That doesn't even make any sense
Larry: Credit to the artist
Announcer: Correct!
Tony: WHAT
Larry: Yay one point!!
Banana: Well we've reached the end and the winner (to no ones surprise) Is Tony!
Tony: YEEEAAAAAAH *He gets up and walks to the front* I WIN MY WIN, TONY WINS!! AAAAAAAAAA *Looks at Banana* WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME?
Banana: Cus I'm scared
Tony: *Screaming* WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME!?
Banana: I'm actually really scared please stop
Tony: WHAT IS MY PRIZE!?
Banana: A ticket to a funhouse which get's you and five friends in
Tony: Oh okay
Larry: What about me? do I get a prize?
Banana: Yes you can have therapy
Larry: Yay!
Warren: What about me?
Banana: *Hands him shoelaces* You'll need these Mr President
Pear: And me?
Banana: One piece of free merch
Pear: Excellent!
Banana: Until next time, bye everyone! *He does the backwards jump thing from Mario 64 to go back through his door*
*The audience begins to leave*
Colin: *Runs up the stage and hugs Tony* You did great!
Tony: *Hugs him back* Told you I would
Paige: Now we get to go to a funhouse!
E.Brendon: Hello everyone, before you leave I have a quick question for you all
Warren: Why are you the Police?
E.Brendon: Just another one of my jobs
Tony: Of course, okay go on what's the question
E.Brendon: Well we're on the look out for a dangerous criminal *shows a picture of a very familiar looking banana* have any of you seen him? he's a cavendish banana who is 5'0 tall
Paige: Um...is that the guy who's the host?
Larry: No the host wears a bow tie, this guy doesn't
Colin: Yeah what an awful fashion taste
Paige: Being naked is an awful fashion taste?
Colin: It's the worst fashion taste *shudders* gross
Tony: Well no we haven't seen him, hope you find him though
E.Brendon: Alright then *rolls up the picture and puts it in his jacket* have a nice day
Tony: Don't tell me what to do

*The group take Larry to where his therapy is to drop him off*
Larry: I'm bout to talk this bitches ear off
Butch: Maybe don't call your therapist a bitch?
Larry: /j
Butch: What
Larry: Welp enjoy the funhouse guys
Paige: We will!
Shrignold: *Hugs him* See you in a bit
*Larry smiles widely and hugs back, the hug lingers for a bit before they separate, Larry looks a bit flustered*
Larry: Well uh- *points at the door* I'll um- yep see ya haha *he goes inside*
Colin: Aww
Shrignold: What?
Colin: Actually no I'm not going to say anything cus you'll start preaching at me if I do
Shrignold: Um okay?
Tony: Well let's go to that funhouse

*They go to the funhouse*
Butch: This doesn't look that fun
Candice: Piglet's on the wall with his intestines hanging out
Butch: I was wrong this place is great
Candice: Let's go steal it
Paige: Please don't we might get kicked out and Larry specifically told us to enjoy ourselves *notices their phone ringing* see? that's probably him knowing what we're about to do *answers it and puts it on loud speaker*
Phone: Hi I'm Flumpty Bumpty. I'm an egg. I'm immune to the plot and can transcend time and space. You won an invitation to this special place so we can be friends. I hope you are good at hiding, because I am coming after you. Have fun! *laughs and hangs up*
Tony: Well that's just rude

Sun: Ho ho hello! I will be your therapist today!
Larry: Hey aren't you that day-care attendant who worked in that pizza place that burnt down?
Sun: Yep! and times are tough so I'm a therapist now
Larry: Oh sweet
Sun: So tell me about your past
Larry: Ok! well many years ago when I was just a wee bab I found out my parents were-
*Time skip*
Larry: No child should ever have to endure that! So I went on the road with a giant-
*Time skip*
Larry: And soon thereafter was married! Things were going well, until she wanted to-
*Time skip*
Larry: And then I was all "No way!" and she was all "Yes way" and I was like-
*Time skip*
Sun: Wow you sure do have a lot of baggage
Larry: Thanks they're Gucci
Sun: So tell me about the present
Larry: Well I live in a house with my five roommates
Sun: Are you close?
Larry: Oh yeah dude we're like family, I love them all even the ones who shout at me for being a dingus, tho I guess Shrig is kinda like a sixth roommate since he comes over so much
Sun: Oh whose Shrig?
Larry: Shrignold, my best friend *sighs happily*
Sun: Tell me more about him
Larry: Man where do I even start?

*Meanwhile*
Shrignold: THERE'S AN OWL
Paige: Awwww it's cute
Shrignold: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO USE THE TOILETS NOW? IT'S SITTING ON A URENAL
Tony: Walk past it dumbass
Shrignold: No I'm scared
Candice: Use the women's ones, who cares?
Shrignold: The women probably
Paige: GENDER SHMENDER
Candice: Exactly
Colin: Hey I found a radio
Tony: Press play, maybe they have good music taste
Colin: K *presses play*
The radio: Welcome one and all to Flumpty Bumptys, if the light are off then you're safe, if the lights are on then we'll come find you and rip you a brand new face *stops*
Tony: Wow terrible
Candice: Hey I have a fun idea, let's split up
Paige: Okay!
*They split up*
Butch: Why did we split up?
Candice: Bored
Butch: Valid
*They walk into a room and see a clown sitting with it's head down*
Butch: Well that's not fun
Candice: Smash
Butch: What!?
Candice: Are we not playing smash or pass?
Butch: NO
Candice: Oops my bad
*The owl shows up out of nowhere and starts attacking Butch*
Butch: AH WHAT THE HELL!?
Candice: DON'T WORRY I KNOW WHAT TO DO *Grabs a coat hanger and starts waving it around*
Butch: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSE TO DO!?
Candice: They did it in Birdemic and it worked
*The owl leaves*
Candice: Told ya

Colin: What's with the drippy drops on the ceiling? And why is Luigi's dead body in the corner?
Shrignold: I hope Larry is having a better time than us
Tony: *Under his breath* If he mentions Larry one more god damn time
Colin: *Laughs*
Tony: This was an awful prize, all I wanted to do was prove I'm smarter than a banana
Colin: Why? isn't it obvious enough?
Tony: Wh- but you said he was smart
Colin: Did you think that meant I thought you weren't? *laughs* Tony you're the smartest person I know
Tony: Well that's a relef
Colin: *Walks closer to him* Y'know if you wanted to impress me there's other ways then going on a quiz show and getting mad at a banana
Tony: *Blushing* I-uh
Shrignold: Hey where's Paige?
Tony: Huh? *looks around* ah that's an issue
Shrignold: *Calls out their name*
Tony: Paige if you're hiding somewhere so you can jump out and scare all of us I'm going to be really upset at you
Colin: *Moves Tony's chin up so he can see the ceiling and see that Paige is stuck to it*
Paige: Hiiiiii
Tony: How the hell did you get up there?
Paige: It was that guy
*The three look over to where Paige is looking at see Birthday Boy Blam*
Colin: Ew what's that thing?
*Blam jumps on Colin and starts biting him*
Colin: AHHHHH IT'S ON ME
Tony: GET OFF HIM *He grabs Blam and tries to throw him but he ends up going inside his jacket* HEY I JUST GOT THAT GET OUT OF IT *Tony kicks him off and he runs away*
Paige: Damn that looked sore, with all those sharp teeth y'know, you good?
Tony: I'll survive, Shrignold please get them down
Shrignold: Uhh okay *he flies up to Paige and pulls them off the ceiling but the added weight makes them fall fast and hit the floor which is actually a door and then fall right through
Tony: WAIT WHAT *Tries to open it and fails cus it's now locked* I hate this place *he looks over and notices Colin crying and shaking, he walks over and speaks calmly* Hey Colin, can I touch you?
Colin: *Nods*
Tony: *Cups his face* Just focus on me, you're alright it's gone now, I'll make sure it doesn't jump on you again
*Colin looks at him and then wraps his arms around his waist pulling him into a hug, Tony wraps his arms around him, they stay like that for a bit*

Larry: And then he stopped my lactose tolerance experiment which was probably good cus Warren nearly died and he helped me around the house cus of my foot and I'm kinda happy it happened cus it meant we get to spend more time together and now he's at a funhouse
Sun: Wow that sounds great, except the cult part, it sounds like he'd be a lot happier if he wasn't in it
Larry: Really? he's so devoted to his King
Sun: Well cults are like that, if you can you should try getting him out of it
Larry: I can do that?
Sun: Yes! I can tell you! but not now because we have no time left
Larry: Oh okay, I can go to the funhouse now
Sun: Cool! Shrignold is there right?
Larry: He is
Sun: You should confess to him!
Larry: But I didn't tell you-
Sun: I'm a really good therapist
Larry: Damn you really are, also I don't think that's a good idea cus his cult is kinda against that, also I don't know if he even likes.....I should go
Sun: Okay, do you have transport?
Larry: Nope! well I have trans but I don't have port
Sun: I'll carry you then, I love funhouses they remind me of the day-care, oh I hope there's ball pits!
Larry: Okay let's go!

*Paige and Shrignold are in a rock place with lava*
Shrignold: ARE WE IN HELL!? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?
Paige: Who would have known hell is so creative?....Shrig are you crying again?
Shrignold: I followed Malcolm's orders so well! is this because I couldn't get you and Tony together? or Larry and Candice together?
Paige: *Sighs*
*Suddenly Eyesaur emerges*
Shrignold: *Hides behind Paige* It's the devil, let's just back away slowly
Paige: Wait *pause* Hey there, aren't you beautiful *reaches out towards it*
Shrignold: Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea
Paige: *Starts petting it* Today just went from good to great

Flumpty: *Points at Tony and Colin* Hey you! yeah you! I heard you kicked my friend
Tony: Colin is that egg talking to us
Colin: Yeah he's more of an egg man than Eggman
Flumpty: *Holding Blam who has very sharp teeth showing* Apologise!
Tony: *Moves Colin behind him protectively*
Flumpty: Come on just whisper your apologies into his mouth
Tony: Uhh don't you mean ear?
Flumpty: Oh no he doesn't have those, just whisper into his mouth
Tony: Yeah I'm not doing that
Flumpty: Welp *drops Blam and takes out an ice cream scoop* your eyes it is *jumps forward onto Tony and makes him fall backwards, he tries to put the scoop into his eye socket and Tony struggles to fight back*
Colin: Tony!
Tony: Damn for an egg you're really strong
Flumpty: It's the protein!
Colin: Get off of him! *goes to help*
*Blam ties him up and brings him up towards the ceiling*

*Meanwhile*
*Paige and Shrig are riding on Eyesaur going down a hallway*
Paige: THIS IS AWESOME
Shrignold: I WANNA GO HOME
*They ride past Grunkfuss the clown who is chasing Butch and Candice*
Paige: Guys jump on!
Butch: What the hell is that!?
Paige: Don't worry about it! come on!
*The two jump on and they ride down the hall into the room where Tony and Colin are*
Paige: TONY WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU
Tony: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
*Paige jumps off and runs to the light switch turning it off, the only light source is coming from Colins screen, suddenly Flumpty, Blam, Eyesaur and Grunkfuss are gone*
Tony: *Runs up to Colin and takes the rope off* Are you alright, did he hurt you?
Colin: No I'm okay, what about you?
Tony: Who cares?
Colin: I do!
*They smile at each other*
Candice: Hey this is sweet and all but we kinda gotta escape
Tony: Good point yes *takes Colins hand in his own* we need to get out of here quickly and quietly

Larry: *Walks in* Dang why's it so dark? *turns* Sun? where'd you go? helloooo? *he starts walking around but is then grabbed and pulled down behind a table* Oh hey Tony-
Tony: *Covers his mouth and takes his light bulb out, putting it in his pocket* Shhhhh we're hiding
Larry: From?
Paige: An egg, a small box person, a dinosaur made of eyes, an owl and a clown
Larry:
Larry: Huh
Candice: *Standing up* Um guys
Butch: Candice get down they're going to see you
Candice: They're all dead
*The others get up and see the gang all lying there in pools of their own blood, Flumpty is cracked open and there's yolk on the ground*
Tony: This has to be a trick
Moon: Come out come out wherever you are
*Everyone get's back down behind the table*
Paige: Was that the day-care attendant from the Pizzaplex?
Larry: Yeah they're my therapist, looks a bit different though
Paige: They change to Moon I remember but I don't remember what triggers it or what makes it turn back
Colin: I can look it up but it's going to take some time, the wi-fis terrible in here
Larry: I can buy you some time
Shrignold: What are you going to do?
Larry: *Fixes his hair* I'm going to charm it
Shrignold: What? no that's a terrible idea
Paige: You said the same thing about me petting the eye dinosaur
Shrignold: *Sighs*
Larry: Okay when this is all over you need to give me context to that
Tony: Larry no your therapist has turned into a 7ft tall killing machine
Larry: *Twirls hair in fingers* Did you say 7ft?
Tony:
Tony: Fine go do it I don't care anymore
Larry: Aight
Shrignold: Please be careful
Larry: Don't worry I'll be fine *he gently touches his face and runs his thumb over his cheekbone before standing up and walking over* Hey you! Moonie
Moon: Ah there you are
Larry: Wanna know something I just noticed?
Moon: No
Larry: You're wearing stars and I'm wearing stars, kinda funny huh?
Moon: No it isn't
Larry: It's like we were made for each other *winks*
Moon:
Moon: What
Tony: This is charming?
Larry: Most people's alphabet starts with A but mine starts with U *makes a heart symbol*
Moon: Are you fucking dyslexic?
Larry: There's a party in my pants, and you're invited *bats eyelashes*
Moon: Sorry, but I don't attend small charity functions, I prefer large balls
Larry: Okay WOW
Candice: Emotional damage
Moon: *Picks up the record player* Shit like this is why Shrignold will never love you back
Larry: *Covers his face* Man c'mon why you gotta say it when he's in the room
Moon: Oops silly me *bolts towards Larry about to hit him with the record player*
Shrignold: LARRY *Flies out quickly and pushes Larry out of the way, taking the hit instead, the record player breaks over his head and he falls to the ground not moving *
Larry: SHRIG *He runs over and cradles him* Shrig no please, wake up please be ok
Moon: That felt good, I was so sick of hearing you talk about him
Larry: How dare you hurt him
Moon: What're you gonna do about it?
Paige: Tony do you remember 2014?
Tony: Vividly
*The two jump out, Tony takes out his clock hand sword thing and Paige takes out a large pencil*
Tony: Hey freak!
Moon: *Turns around* Awww it's your friends, the one you make pranks with and the one who shouts at you for being stupid
Tony: I don't shout that much
Paige: Yes you do
Colin: Yes you do
Butch: Yes you do
Tony: Alright point taken
*Team Padlock fights along side each other against Moon but it eventually hit back, Moon turns to Larry and grabs him by the throat*
Colin: I've got it! Tony we have to light the room
Tony: The lightbulb *he takes the lightbulb out of his pocket* Larry catch! *throws it at him*
Larry: *Catches it* I hope you don't mind when I say GO AWAY *Puts the bulb in*
*Moon lets go and stumbles back turning into Sun*
Sun: Oh dear that wasn't fun *they walk over to Larry who is still cradling Shrig* scan complete, he's alright, just unconscious and a headache
Larry: *Sigh of relief*
Tony: You just going to let that thing stand there beside you?
Larry: Well yeah it wasn't Sun who hurt Shrig it was Moon
Tony: Alright fair
*Everyone comes out from behind the table*
Flumpty: Wow that was great!
Candice: How they hell are you all still alive!?
Flumpty: We're immune to the plot silly! now our clown is a little hungry soooo *clicks fingers and Grunkfuss charges at them*
Tony: (he doesn't have his sword anymore it got hit away in the fight) *stands protectively in front of the others*
*Just before Grunkfuss gets to them a baseball bat full of nails hits him in the face*
Tony: *Looks down and sees Popee standing in front of him*
Popee: Hey no one fights this clock guy except me!
Tony: How did you even get here?
Popee: Oh I followed you, now then KEDAMONO MUSIC
Kedamono: Ok! *puts down a boombox and starts playing Insane Clown Posse*
Colin: *Cringes*
Tony: Is that, that band Insane Clown Pussy?
Popee: I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that
*Popee and Grunkfuss fight and its all bloody woa*
Flumpty: Hmm I like this kid, think I'll recruit him
Paige: They're distracted, come on let's go
*The gang sneak out and are now back home*
Candice: Well good thing I brought those intestines back
Butch: Nice let's make them for dinner
Tony: I think I'll just order a pizzer
Butch: Pizzer makes your teeth go grey
Tony: Let me enjoy things
Paige: *Looks at Larry sitting on the couch still cradling Shrignold who is on his lap* You know you can just like lay him down on the couch right? you don't have to keep holding him
Larry: But I wanna
Paige: Okay then you do you
*There is a knock at the door and Colin opens it*
Colin: Um hello?
Rabbit: Hey is Shrignold here?
Colin: *Sighs* Yes, come in
*Rabbit and Furry boy come in*
Furry boy: Um why is he on your lap?
Larry: He got hurt protecting me
Rabbit: If he's hurt then we shall take him back to Malcolm, he can heal all with love
Larry: No he's fine here, he'll wake up soon
Rabbit: I must insist we take him to Malcolm
Larry: He's staying here
Furry boy: You can't keep him from our King
Larry: *Glares* I said he's staying here
Tony: Larry just let them take hi-
Larry: I SAID NO
Furry boy: *Goes to grab Shrig*
Larry: *Holds Shrig closer to himself* DON'T TOUCH HIM
Rabbit: We already told you Malcolm will heal him, why are you keeping him from that?
*Shrignold starts to wake up*
Larry: See? I told you he'd wake up soon
Shrignold: *Opens his eyes and smiles* Hi Larry
Larry: Hi Shrig, how are you feeling?
Shrignold: I'm okay, just a headache
Larry: Thank you for saving me
Shrignold: About what Moon said, I- *notices the cult members*
Shrignold:
Shrignold: *Rolls out of Larry's arms and onto the floor and then stands up quickly* Hello friends! what bring you here?
Rabbit: Malcolm has requested your presence
Shrignold: Wonderful, let's go
Larry: Wait, what about what Moon said?
Shrignold: Oh um the insults, you aren't any of those things, I shall take my leave now, goodbye everyone, until next time!
*The three leave*
Larry: *Sadly looks down at the floor*
Paige: *Pats his shoulder* Don't worry he'll probably come back tomorrow

*Later that night*
*Tony wakes up quickly breathing heavily, he gets up and goes to Colins room seeing him lying in bed sleeping, he watches him for a moment before turning around to leave*
Colin: Tony?
Tony: Sorry did I wake you?
Colin: Everything ok?
Tony: Yeah, bad dream
Colin: *Stands up and walks over to him* What happened?
Tony: Well you kinda died...and I couldn't save you
Colin: *Opens his arms and spins in a circle* Well as you can see I am still living, or functioning really as I am a computer*
Tony: *Nods quietly*
Colin: Hey it's just a dream, they do weird things
Tony: *Leans forward and puts his head on Colins shoulder* It's just it's my worst fear, you're so special to me *after a moment he puts his head back up* anyway yeah um I should go back to....
*They stare at each other for a moment, before Colin leans forward and kisses him and then breaks the kiss*
*Pause*
Tony: Crikey
Colin: Why did I do that?
Tony: Why did I say that? crikey!? where did that even come from?
Colin: *Laughs* Um does this mean we're uh dating?
Tony: *Pause* Would you like to date?
Colin: I'd love to!
Tony: *Smiles* Then yes! *pulls him into a hug*
Colin: *Hugs back* Hey how about you sleep here tonight? in case you have any more bad dreams
Tony: Sounds good
Colin: *Smiles at him* I don't even have a heart but the amount of fluttering in my chest could've fooled me

*The next morning Paige goes into Tony's room and can't find him, they shrug and go into Colins, not seeing Tony in the bed they sneak over*
Paige: WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD
Colin: *Jumps awake*
Tony: *Sits up* The fuck man?
*Paige runs out laughing*
Tony: Well that's not how I was planning on sharing the news but it works
*The two walk to the kitchen together hand in hand, when they walk in everyone is looking at them*
Paige: Sooo are you guys like a thing now?
Colin: Yes we are!
Candice: FUCKING FINALLY
Butch: Wait I thought you were dating Candice?
Colin: What?
Candice: What made you think that?
Butch: You kept sneaking off together
Candice: Oh that's cus he wanted to gush over Tony since I knew he liked him
Colin: I DID NO SUCH THING
Tony: Awww you gushed over me? that's adorable
Candice: Yeah like a lot (Colin impression) "Tony looked at me today!" "Tony's hand brushed mine as we walked together" "I accidentally hugged Tony while we were in the backrooms and he liked it! I hope we can hug more"
Colin: *Covering his face from embarrassment* Please stop talking
Tony: No please keep going I love this
Larry: *Walks in* What's crackalacken?
Paige: Tony and Colin are dating
Larry: HELL YEAH *Points at Butch* You owe me £20
Tony: You took more bets!?
*Butch sighs and gives him the money*
Larry: Digital Time is canon
Tony: STOP GIVING MY RELATIONSHIPS CODE NAMES
Larry: Oh hey that means I can tell Edgar to stop pretending to like Tony
Colin: Wait what
Larry: Yeah I told him to flirt with him in front of you so you'd get jealous and finally make a move and it worked so you're welcome
Colin: Y-you planned that!?
Larry: Yea
Tony: Edgar was pretending to like me?

Chapter Text

Tony: There are six people living here and no one can find their keys!?
Butch: I swear I left mine on the hook
Tony: Larry where did you put them?
Larry: Why are you blaming me?
Tony: Because you're always hiding shit
Larry: I've been too drunk to function for like five days straight and then four days gay
Tony:
Larry: True story
Colin: Found one! it was in the fridge for some reason *hands them to Tony*
Tony: Thank you dear, are we ready to go now?
Colin:
Tony: Are you alright?
Colin: W-huh? me? haha yep! excuse me for a moment *leaves the room*
Tony: Uhh okay?
Colin: *Puts his face in a cushion and squeals like a schoolgirl*
Candice: You're so fucking embarrassing
Colin: WHEN DID YOU GET HERE!?
Candice: I WAS HERE FIRST DUMBASS
Colin: Oh right haha *pause* Tony called me "dear"
Candice: Yep I heard him
Colin: He's amazing *sighs* I want to tell him I love him but it's too soon, you only say that when you're way into a relationship right?
Candice: Colin you've known him for eight years, if you want to tell him then just do it
Colin: But what if he get's weirded out because I'm moving too fast? Hmm but what if he doesn't think I love him if I don't say it
Candice: Please leave, I'm sick and I'm trying to sleep
Colin: Oh right sorry, rest well
*Colin goes back into the other room*
Tony: Everything alright?
Colin: Haha yep, all good here
Paige: Yay marketplace time! I can't wait to see the bootleg merch

--Marketplace Time--
Paige: Larry look it's a weird toy of your therapist but as a plant for some reason
Larry: Amazing! I should buy that for them because it would be funny
Butch: I can't believe all the food stalls are still selling things, does no one read my reviews?
Colin: No they just screenshot them and post them on Reddit, it's great
Tony: Yes Colin, THEY sure do post his reviews on Reddit, I'm sure THEY are no one we know
Colin: Well I'm sure THEY are very clever and handsome
Tony: Yes I'm sure THEY are
Butch: Is this some inside joke I'm not online enough to understand?
Tony: Sure bud
Paige: Guys look I found bootleg Garten of Ban Ban merch
Colin: Ugh who would buy that?
Larry: Those two blond kids over there I'm sure we'll never see again
Paige: Welp I'm gonna go hunt for the sweets! *runs away*
Butch: WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY REVIEWS EITHER!?
*Whilst Paige is looking they see Shrignold trying to hand out Malcolm flyers, people are just walking past him without making any eye contact*
Paige: Shrignold! *runs over* where have you been?
Shrignold: Oh....hi Paige
Paige: You haven't been over in weeks! and you haven't been replying to anyone's texts, what's going on?
Shrignold: I'm sorry it's all my fault, when I'm with Larry I have impure thoughts...I really want to cuddle and hold hands and stuff
Paige: That's impure?
Shrignold: Very impure and well, that's not allowed, my special one is to be chosen by Malcolm and he's become a distraction from my duties as his loyal follower...this is what must be done
Paige: You being cut off from your friends?
Shrignold: Look at it as a good thing, Tony and Colin don't like me so now they won't have to see me again
Paige: But we all like you!
Shrignold:
Paige: Can you please just come back? Larry's been sad
Shrignold: I can't, I'm now allowed to speak to him
Larry: SHRIG! *Runs over*
Paige: Well now you have to *walks away*
*Larry goes to hug Shrig who stops him and pushes him away*
Shrignold: No you can't do that anymore
Larry: Oh okay *he lowers his arms* it's been so long! are you okay? I missed you
Shrignold: *Hiding his face behind the flyers* You need to leave
Larry: Why are you hiding?
Shrignold: Because looking at your face brings unwanted feelings
Larry: Damn am I that ugly?
Shrignold: Larry please, you need to leave before they see us
Larry: Not until you tell me what's going on
Shrignold: *Sighs* You've become a distraction from my duties and *pause* I can't see you anymore
Larry: What?
*The other cult members walk over*
Rabbit: Hello Larry
Larry: Oh it's you guys
Frog: We should all be getting back to Malcolm now
*Shrignold lowers the flyers, showing his face, he has a wide fake smile on his face*
Shrignold: What a wonderful idea friend, Larry it was lovely knowing you but now we must part *he shakes his hand* I hope you find love
Larry: But I already have
Shrignold: *Pauses for a moment, his facial expression doesn't change and then he lets go of Larry's hand* farewell
*Shrignold walks away, the cult members walking behind him, they look back at Larry with a look that could kill, Larry sadly watches them leave*

--Back At The House
*They are sitting at the kitchen table, Paige has an arm around Larry who is just staring at nothing*
Butch: Here I made you some hot chocolate with extra cream, just how you like it *hands it to him*
Larry: *Starts drinking it and starts crying*
Butch: Is it that bad?
Larry: *Through tears* No it's great, I just hate that stupid cult for taking him away from me
Candice: Larry-
Larry: Shrig used to call me that
Candice: Yeah because it's your fucking name
*Paige looks at her*
Candice: Right sorry um, Laurence-
Larry: Edgar used to call me that
Candice: Jesus- *sighs* Lars
Larry: *Sniffs* I'll accept that
Candice: Look, Shrignold isn't here but you've still got all of us, we're your friends
Larry: I know it's nice to have friends but it's just *starts crying again* I love him and I miss him HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I really want him to come back HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU And I'm sorry I made him sad cus I said Robbie Rotten was hot HUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Colin: You kinda sound like a race car
Larry: Shrig likes cars
Tony: No I don't think he did
Larry: He glued himself to the roof of a car once
Paige: I mean he did do that
Larry: I'm going into escapism mode *falls asleep*
Tony: Larry *puts a hand on his shoulder*
*Suddenly everyone is transported to the roof of an abandoned building in the middle of a forest at night, the stars in the sky are moving around*
Butch: WHAT HAPPENED!?
Colin: Huh it would appear that we've been teleported-
Butch: NO SHIT
Colin: I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING
Candice: Suddenly I don't feel sick anymore, are we dead?
Paige: Ooooh the afterlife is so creative!
Electracey: Oh hey guys where are we?
Paige: Yay El is here!!
Electracey: Is that my cool code name? nice
Colin: How did you get here?
Electracey: No idea, I was outside your house about to knock on your door and now I'm here
Tony: I am....so confused
Colin: *Starts floating* Yep that's what I thought
Butch: HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT!? TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!
Tony: DON'T SHOUT AT MY BOYFRIEND
Electracey: WAIT BOYFRIEND? DID YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER?
Paige: They did!
Electracey: Awwww
Colin: Guys we're in a dream, I think it's Larry's dream, I taught myself lucid dreaming so I can control as much as I can for being in someone else's dream
Candice: Ohhh so he's graduated to Freddy Krueger? good
Butch: How did the people in those movies get out?
Candice: They just did
Butch: Hm okay I know what to do *takes a knife out of his hat*
Electracey: You just keep sharp objects in there?
Butch: Duh, why wouldn't I? *stabs himself with it* AHH WHAT THE HELL!?
Tony: What did you think would happen?
Butch: IT'S SUPPOSE TO WAKE ME UP! I thought in dreams nothing could hurt you
Colin: It only hurt because you thought it would, it should disappear soon as things in dreams do
Paige: Are we just stuck here or what?
Colin: Well we could jump down and start walking
Tony: Good call, everyone make sure you don't fall through the floor
*They all jump down and fall through the floor and are now in a school*
Tony: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?
Electracey: Dang you're always so angry haha you're such a cancer
Tony: Wow okay well you're aids
Electracey: I was talking about your zodiac sign
Paige: He's a capri sun actually
Electracey: That's such a capri sun thing to do
Baldi: *Walks through the door* Thaaaats meeeee
Tony: Why the fuck is Baldi here!?
Candice: Larry had a crush on him once so he probably lives rent free in his head now
Tony: WHY!?
Candice: Hey we don't judge you for liking Colin
Colin: Excuse you
Baldi: Answer this question! *demonic screeching* plus *demonic screeching* equals?
*Pause*
Paige: Uhhh Colin?
Colin: Is it....twenny one?
*Baldis face turns angry*
Colin: Ok! we should go
*They group run out of the room*
Principle: No running in the halls *Teleports them to his office and leaves* when will you learn?
Tony: I hate school
Electracey: THE DOOR WONT OPEN
Paige: Colin use your dream magic
Colin: I'M TRYING
*After a few more seconds the door opens*
Colin: *pouting* Why is lucid dreaming so hard?
Tony: *Pats his back* You did your best, love
Candice: Guys there's a fat orange kid at the end of the hall
Paige: Oh a friend!
*They walk up to him*
Bully: I'm gonna take your candy
Paige: Not my sweets, not my treats
Butch: *Punches him in the face* No candy! it makes your teeth go grey!
Tony: Damn Butch you just hit a kid
Butch: It's fine he's not real
Baldi: I hear every kid you punch *moving towards him*
Candice: Wait I've got an idea *picks up the bully and throws him through the window, breaking it*
Principle: No throwing kids through the windows in the halls
Candice: EVERYONE OUT THE WINDOW NOW
Baldi: Please don't leave, I have no friends
*Everyone climbs out the window and runs into the woods*
Baldi: Rats! you got away! guess I'll die

Butch: Larry needs more therapy
Electracey: Guys I had a baby
*They all look at Electracey who is now holding a baby with no face and instead has a line*
Tony: Why does it have a line on it's face?
Electracey: Why do YOU have a line on your face?
Tony: These are clock hands
Paige: GUYS LOOK A LION!
*They look over and see a lion sitting staring at them in a clearing of the forest*
Candice: Nice! I was getting hungry
Colin: Don't eat the lion
Candice: But I'm hungry
Colin: DON'T EAT THE LION
Candice: YOU CAN'T EAT YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW DELICIOUS ROASTED LION TASTES
Tony: Have...have you eaten a lion before?
Candice: Yeah who hasn't?
Paige: Me!
Candice: I'll make you some
Paige: Yay!
Butch: It's delicious with some gravy
Aslan: If you're all quite done, may I speak?
*Pause*
Tony: You gotta be kidding me
Paige: Jeff the kiddin me
Aslan *walks up to them* I see you have found Billy, he is of one of the twelve babies who escaped
Colin: Hello Aslan of Narnia for some reason do you know where Larry is?
Aslan: If you wish to know the whereabouts of your friend you must first make a call
Colin: Okay um how do we do that?
Billy: *Points to a tent and speaks with the voice of a grown man* There's a phone in there
Electracey: Damn, bro hit puberty at five months
*They go into the tent and Elsa is there*
Tony: *Sighs deeply* I'm sick of this shit
Colin: Don't worry I'm sure we'll be home soon *he smiles at him and nervously slips his hand into his*
Tony: *Smiles at him*
Paige: HI ELSA I LOVE YOU YOU'RE SO CREATIVE
Elsa: Thanks!
Paige: Can we use that phone?
Elsa: No! *picks up the phone* Hi I'd like to order a large peperoni pizza
Tony: Oooh that sounds nice!
Elsa: Actually make that two
Electracey: Two pepperonis on a pizza? man this dream sure is crazy
Elsa:....So no pizza? *smashes the phone into the ground*
Candice: WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?
Elsa: They don't deliver to the middle of the forest
Colin: Don't worry I got this *he grabs the wires from the phone and plugs them into himself* I have become phone
Paige: YOU WAS PHONE!?
Colin: I was phone!
Tony: Right I'll make this call
Colin: The receiver is on my ear
Candice: Dang lucky for you Elsa broke that so you could get Tony to whisper into your ear huh?
Colin: Hey shut up
Tony: *Talking into Colins ear* Um hello? can you help us find Larry?
Electracey: That's a bit uncomfortable
*Suddenly eleven babies with line faces show up t-posing around them and they teleport to a farm*
Colin: Wait I hear Larry! he's in that barn!
*They run into the barn and see Larry stood there holding hands with Shrignold*
Paige: Larry! We found you!
Larry: *Turns* Huh? oh that's weird they're not suppose to be here, don't worry Shrig I'll get rid of them
Everyone: NO!
Tony: WE'RE NOT PART OF THE DREAM WE'RE REAL
Larry: What? How?
Paige: Tony touched your shoulder and we all got stuck in your dream
Larry: I....didn't know I could do that
Butch: Is this what you do when you're asleep? just stand here with a fake Shrignold?
Larry:
Larry: No *snaps his fingers and the fake Shrignold disappears*
Candice: I mean hey if you wanna avoid your problems by dreaming then go for it
Larry: Yeeah I'm a lot like Sonic the Hedgehog
Colin: How the hell are you like Sonic the Hedgehog?
Larry: Y'know he runs towards new adventures and I run away from all my problems
Tony: Can you wake us up? please!? I'm going to go insane
Larry: Oh right yeah my bad
*Larry snaps his fingers and everyone wakes up on the kitchen floor*
Larry: Haha sorry about that guys I really had no idea I could even do that, I'll uh go now *he goes upstairs*
Electracey: *Walks in* Wow I've been sleeping outside for hours now, good thing it didn't rain or I'd be dead
Paige: Good thing the house didn't get flooded or else I'd be dead
Candice: Think Imma go to the butcher shop and see if they have any lion
Butch: I'll go with you
Candice: That has to cheer Larry up right? food is nice
Paige: Food is nice, food is better than CHICKEN AND RICE
Candice: Chicken and rice is food ya fuckin dingus
*The two leave*
Colin: I'll uh, go talk to Larry, I can somewhat relate to what he's going through
Tony: Good luck
*Colin climbs the ladder up to Larry's attic room and finds him sitting on the roof*
Colin: Hey
Larry: Love hurts
Colin: Yeah it can do
Larry: Maybe I should become emo
Colin: This might not be permanent, Shrignold was very persuasive with trying to convert us so-
Larry: No I think it's real this time, the cult will probably either not allow him to leave without one of them with him or not allow him to leave at all
Colin: Do you think you could convince him to leave?
Larry: Probably not, he's so brainwashed he'd think Malcolm would punish him or some- *pause* he's scared of what Malcolm would do but if there was no Malcolm then there's no cult, the members would have to leave if there's no King to worship *smiles and stands up*
Colin: Uh Larry where is this going?
Larry: I am going to go to my therapist and uh vent to them, Sun is good with words, I'll be gone for a while to do the vent, just like Among Us *He runs and jumps off the roof, grabbing onto a tree branch which lowers him down to the ground and runs off*
Colin: Okay? *he goes back inside and down the ladder*
Tony: Everything alright?
Colin: Huh? oh yeah he says he's going to his therapist
Tony: Well that's good I think, don't really trust Moon but Sun seems fine, as long as the lights don't go out
Colin: Yeah
Tony: *Pulls him in for a hug*
Colin: *Giggles* What's that for?
Tony: Just felt like it
Colin: *Smiles* I love you *pulls away* WAIT SORRY THAT WAS WAY TOO SOON
Tony: Colin-
Colin: I'M MEANT TO WAIT A FEW MONTHS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP
Tony: Colin *cups his face* I love you too *they kiss*
Tony:
Tony: Is your tail wagging?
Colin: No
Tony: It is! that's adorable
Colin: Please stop looking at it
Tony: I will never not look at it now
Colin: *Covers his face* This is so embarrassing
*Tony laughs and presses his forehead against his*
Butch: *Stomps up the stairs and walks up to them* MY OWN SISTER JUST ASKED ME IF I THOUGHT CHEWBACCA HAS PECKS OR DOES HE HAVE TEETS THAT RUN DOWN HIS FRONT LIKE A PIG. HOW DO I ANSWER THAT!?
Tony: WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT
Butch: TELL ME HOW TO ANSWER THAT! COLIN GOOGLE IT
Colin: I'd rather Google "how to make a bomb" without adding "in Minecraft"
*Tonys phone goes ding and he checks it*
Tony: Ugh I've received a summon to the Tumblr Sexyperson HQ, what the hell do they want now?
Colin: Better go and see
Tony: *Sighs* yep, I'll see you later, love