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There hadn’t been a specific reason. No loud noise, no hard touch. Nothing to put it down to.
Still, Wille was startled and suddenly wide awake, although he didn't know what had woken him. It was only seconds to realize he was home. If he had been away for any length of time, even if it was just a few days, it always took him a moment while waking up before he knew where he was. Until the familiar feeling returned even shortly after waking up.
The air smelled like home, the bed felt like home, the quiet noises that could also be heard at night, because it's nowhere completely quiet, sounded like home.
His eyes needed a moment to adjust to the light conditions. It was still dark outside. The small lamp in the corner of their bedroom, which had been left on at night for several months now, cast shadows on the wall. The golden yellow light made for cosiness and homeliness.
Still, something was different.
Through the dim light, Wille could see that the other side of the bed was empty. Simon was gone. The soft snoring to which he had become so accustomed was gone too.
He rolled onto his side to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 3:17 a.m. He sighed as he pushed back the covers. Way too early, but it fit the previous nights.
Simon had told him that the nights had been… difficult, at least. Both had agreed that it was okay not to know the reason why and that it was probably just another phase. Eventually it would get better.
Wille smirked. That was really one thing they had both learned. Things always would get better eventually. No one could ever say when exactly it would be, but eventually things would get better for sure.
After eight months, they were even able to see the good in some things now. Simon's nightly waking hours had miraculously harmonized with the time difference for the past few days, allowing them to talk on the phone while Simon walked round and round in their living room, mostly humming, and Wille, usually just returning to his hotel room, told about his day.
Both had enjoyed having this time together that they hadn't foreseen.
Normally their busy schedules hardly allow them to talk much in weeks like the past one, only made more difficult by large time differences. They then usually kept in touch via text messages, spoke to each other at least every other day, but usually there was only enough time for a short phone call. It had been nice that it had been different this time.
Wille shivered at the sudden cold as he got out of their bed and scrambled for the sweatpants that he had carelessly thrown over the bedpost at the end of the bed in the evening, far too tired to put them away properly. Now he was glad about it and slipped inside.
He didn't even bother with socks; Simon would have switched on the floor heating in the living room for sure.
Normally, every time they used the underfloor heating, Simon complained about how expensive it had been to install it when normal radiators also provided heat and were cheaper. But during one of the phone calls over the past few nights, he had admitted that he was thankful for his warm feet at those moments.
Wille smiled as he left the bedroom and walked quietly down the stairs to the first floor, following the faint sounds and beam of dimmed light that indicated someone was awake.
Even though they had been married for a few years now (and had renovated and moved into this house after the wedding), Simon still stubbornly refused to accept the fact that he no longer had to worry about money. Wille found this trait more than likeable.
In everyday life, Simon insisted on spending money only when it was really necessary on the one hand and when it was earned through their work, not inherited on the other hand, even though he himself recognized that the last point was difficult to reconcile with Wille's ‘profession’. However, he caved in regarding the house, which didn't mean he couldn't rant about the costs.
The dim light spilled out of the ajar living room door into the hallway, and before Wille could really hear Simon's hum, he felt it. The atmosphere was soothing, lulling, comforting, warming, soothing and soporific - hopefully.
He tried to open the door as quietly as possible and leaned against the door frame to take in the image that presented itself to him. That was exactly how he had imagined it, every night they had spoken on the phone.
Simon had his back to him, earbuds in his ears, humming softly to the music he was listening to. He moved with it, gently swaying back and forth, no sweeping or frantic movements. Everything under the premise of calming down and getting back to sleep. He turned and Wille could see him in profile.
Simon was so beautiful. They both were so beautiful and cute.
Simon had his eyes closed, both hands lying protectively on the small bundle he was carrying in the stretcher in front of his chest. He radiated calm, serenity, security.
Not wanting to startle him, Wille stayed where he was. Maybe it was just out of selfishness. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen anything more beautiful and he wanted to enjoy this sight a little longer. He couldn't help but smile.
Warmth spread through his body, indescribable love for these two people, for his people. His family.
Sometimes he couldn't believe how lucky he was he could have this.
Watching Simon like that, dancing slowly, comforting their son, made him fall for him once more.
Back in their days at Hillerska, he had fallen for Simon fast and hard. Nowadays it was quite similar and yet so different. Back then it had felt exciting, kind of adventurous and so so new.
Now the feeling was still as exciting as it was at Hillerska, but there were different layers of their love for each other. Added to the excitement was trust, caring, serenity and a much deeper closeness. They knew each other so well that words were no longer necessary. At some point along their way, consistency had come, a silent promise that they would stay together and share their lives together. By the time the promise was said out loud for everyone to see, the sense of togetherness had deepened.
Magnus' birth had added another layer because they both cared so much for their son. Their love now included a third, very little human and had only grown bigger and more unconditional with each passing day since.
Said third little human, eyes still open though silent, listened to his father's hum - and certainly his heartbeat, which had always had a calming effect on Wille too. But he was still wide awake.
Wille pushed himself off the doorframe. It wasn't worth the effort to keep being as quiet as possible. Magnus was awake.
Before he could reach them, Magnus chuckled at the sight of his other dad. Simon noticed the movement in front of his chest, stopped the humming and opened his eyes. “You're awake.” He smiled at him and Wille could see the tiredness in his eyes. “I wanted to let you sleep, the jet lag...”
How many nights in a row had it been that Simon had been awake for hours? Wille wasn't sure anymore. Probably the fifth or sixth. While he himself had slept peacefully through the night in his hotel room. Admittedly, he hadn't slept as well as he slept at home next to Simon, Magnus between the two of them, and indeed the jetlag did the rest. But overall, it wasn't comparable to Simon's last nights.
Wille shook his head. “Remember, we are in this together.” He closed the gap between them, putting his arms softly around Simon placing his hands on the small of his back. They formed a protective wall around their son and could both feel him breathing evenly and moving now and then. Magnus clearly enjoyed his parents' closeness.
Almost automatically, Simon pulled one of the earbuds out of his ear and put it in Wille's. Though Wille didn't join in with Simon's anewed hum, he matched Simon's movements and together they danced carefully and gently around Magnus, locking eyes and smiling at each other.
Parents on a mission together.
Magnus would fall asleep eventually, for sure. Until then, they would enjoy the time together. Who cares that it was late night?