Work Text:
What if, in another universe, I deserve you?
Maya sips her whiskey at Joe’s, thinking about the terrible camping trip. Why had she listened to Captain Herrera and got the team to go camping? They were all mad at her, and the camping trip had changed nothing. They also encountered a black bear in the woods, what are the chances of that happening? There’s something to be proud of, however. She ran with everything in her and got the man’s nose to the hospital in time.
“Hi, white wine, please.”
Maya turns at the sweet voice beside her and briefly looks at the woman that just sat next to her. She’s quick to turn back to her drink, however. She feels the woman’s eyes on her and fights back the urge to look back at her.
“You look familiar.” The woman says.
Maya does turn to her then, wondering if that’s a pick-up line.
“Oh, I drink here a lot.”
“Ah, no,” the woman replies and then pauses for a moment, trying to remember where she saw the blonde.
“Were you at the hospital earlier?”
“Yeah, I was,” Maya answers, nodding. Before the brunette could ask what Maya was doing at the hospital, Maya told her.
“I’m a firefighter. I was... bringing something.” She can’t just say she was bringing someone’s nose after running a marathon with it.
The brunette pauses, and then suddenly, all the pieces of how Maya caught her attention fall into place.
“Oh my god! Yes!” she exclaims. “You were the one who ran in with the nose.”
“Yeah!” Maya laughs as she nods. “Captain Maya Bishop.”
The woman takes Maya’s hand and introduces herself as “Dr. Carina DeLuca.”
The name sounds nice, Maya thinks, and so does the accent.
”Well, okay,” Carina continues. “If I buy you a drink, would you tell me the story of how you ended up carrying a nose in a plastic bag?”
Maya considers saying no, telling Carina that she’s drinking alone. She can’t find the words, though, she’s entranced by Carina, her beauty, her exuberance, and just about everything else. This is a woman she can’t say no to, she doesn’t want to.
“Sure, I would love to.”
Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together, and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead, I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.
Maya almost made a terrible mistake. She almost slept with Jack. Almost, because right when she thought of kissing him, Carina popped into her mind, and she stopped. She couldn’t hurt Carina like that. She never wanted to. Carina is sweet and kind to her. She listens as Maya vents about how her team is treating her and offers good advice. She’s amazing, and usually, Maya would think that she’s unworthy of the kind of love that Carina is giving her. She knows it’s love though the two haven’t said the words to each other. She could have slept with Jack and ruined her relationship with Carina because she didn’t deserve her, but she didn’t. She wants to be someone that Carina deserves. She wants to give Carina the same love that she’s getting. That’s her plan as she heads home, expecting Carina to have already left. She’s surprised when she finds Carina still there, waiting for her.
“I thought you left.”
“I- I- I almost did. But then I thought you might need-“
“I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. “Maya tells her.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. What you were saying was true, and I panicked. There’s a lot to unpack with my dad, but I don’t want to do it alone.” She feels relieved at having said those words.
“I’m here for you. You don’t have to do it alone,” Carina says as she stands up and embraces Maya.
Maya closes her eyes as she holds Carina and thanks the lucky stars that she didn’t ruin this.
In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down.
“I think I want kids, but I’m scared. It’s terrifying, like ripping your heart out and watching it walk around the world.” Maya told Carina.
“Exactly.” Carina’s response confuses Maya.
“It is like ripping your heart out and watching it walk around the world.”
Carina sees beauty in that Maya realizes. She can admit that she sees it too. She can see herself starting a family with Carina. She can see herself buying Carina whatever food she’s craving and watching her mix it with something weird. She can see herself cheering Carina on as she pushes in the birthing room. She can see herself holding their little baby in her arms. The visuals are all beautiful, and she has to tell Carina that she wants kids, as terrifying as that may be.
“Okay, Maya, I love you, and if being married to you means not having children, I will learn to accept that.”
“I want kids,” Maya tells her.
“You do?”
“Yes, I do. It’s scary, and a lot could happen, but I want kids with you. “
The passionate kiss Carina gives her tells that she made the right choice. They will have kids, and it will be the most beautiful thing.
Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats
Maya comes home exhausted from her shift. She missed her days as captain when she didn’t have to spend the day shining the Engine and cleaning everything. She despises Becket and is desperate to get her job back. This desperation is dangerous, she realizes. She could soon end up doing something stupid.
“Ciao bella.” Coming home to Carina feels amazing, as always. Her wife kisses her and sets a plate of food for her.
“I’m sure you’re tired. So how about you eat, shower and then sleep. I’ll lie down with you, and we can cuddle. “ Carina says sweetly.
“You’re unreal, ” Maya says in disbelief. How did she get so lucky?
She eats, showers, and lays in bed with Carina. Before she falls asleep, she tells Carina what has been on her mind recently.
“My job has been miserable for me ever since I got demoted. I’m no longer happy at the station, and it no longer feels like home. You’re my only home now, and I don’t want to depend too much on you for comfort and everything.”
“You know I love it when you turn to me for comfort. I’m always willing to offer that and be your safe space, your home, and everything you need.” Carina tells her.
“I know, but I was thinking of seeing a therapist. I plan to text Diane and see if I can get regular meetings with her to cope with everything going on. I want to be a better wife for you and a mother that our baby deserves.”
“You’re already a great wife to me, bambina, and you’ll be a great mother. It’s good that you’re getting therapy, I’m proud of you, and I’ll always be by your side.”
“Thank you, that means a lot to me.”
She’s about to drift to sleep when she hears a crash from the kitchen.
“Oh my God, Maya, your cat better not have made a mess in my kitchen,” Carina says.
It wouldn’t be the first time their cat Ginger did that.
“Oh, it’s my cat when it causes a mess. You’re the one who wanted it and practically begged for it.” She tells Carina as she holds her tightly, drifting to sleep.
Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill.
“Okay, bambina, one last push,” Carina says to Maya.
“Carina, why the hell did you let me do this? The one child we have was enough,” Maya utters through her pain.
“Just one last push, and it will all be worth it. “
She pushes one last time and feels like all air leaves her lungs. The cry she hears afterward is worth it, just like Carina said. She sees Carina holding their baby girl, and soon she’s bringing her to Maya.
“Say hi to mama.”
Carina places the baby in Maya’s arms, and as tired as Maya feels, she’s happy, and this moment feels priceless. It felt amazing to hold their first child when Carina gave birth, but it’s an entirely different experience when the baby is the one she gave birth to. She’s in love with her, just like their son Andrea.
“Welcome to the world, Emilia Lucia DeLuca-Bishop.”
Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair, and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.
“Okay, it looks good here,” Carina says as she eyes the dresser for Emilia’s room in her rented apartment for college.
“Carina, no. That’s not practical.” Maya argues. The dresser is almost behind the door and would be such an inconvenience for her daughter.
“It looks good, and it’s facing the window. Bambina, it’s great here, si?”
Emilia rolls her eyes at her parents. She told them that she could handle all this on her own, but her mom insisted that they could help. Now they are arguing about everything as if this is their apartment. She knows they mean well, though, and she loves them.
“Mama, you know mom’s right. She’s a firefighter, and I’m sure she’s thinking of some fire hazard if we leave the dresser like this.”
“Exactly. This could easily block the door.” Maya says.
“You’re being dramatic, that wouldn’t happen. But fine, I’ll let this one go then.” Carina concedes.
“Maybe you guys should get going. It’s getting late, and I’ve got it from here.” Emilia tells them.
“Are you sure?” Maya asks.
“Yes, thank you for helping me.”
“You’re welcome, baby,” Maya says as she kisses her cheek. Carina kisses her forehead, and they say goodbye to each other.
In the car, the married couple drive in silence, both caught up on their thoughts of how fast the years have gone by. They hold hands, and their wedding rings glisten when they catch the sun. When Maya parks the car, she finally turns to Carina.
“Our baby is in college. Carina.”
“Time moves fast. Andrea will have his son soon, and we’ll be grandparents. “
“Yeah, we are, and it’s crazy.” They laugh together at that.
“Good crazy or bad crazy?”
“Amazingly crazy. I’m proud of where we’ve come. I’m proud of our family.” Maya kisses her wife with a smile on her face.
“How about we open some wine and sit on the porch while the sun sets?”
“Si, I would love that, bella.”
Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.
Maya stands at the altar with her son Andrea, watching her wife make her way down the aisle. Carina looks beautiful, just as she did 25 years ago when they first married. They are here to renew their vows, and Maya feels so much pride at how far they’ve come. She’s glad she didn’t shy away from commitment when she first met Carina. That she didn’t let the coldness in her heart stop her from loving and being loved by the most amazing woman. Her vows to Carina are ones she means with her whole being.
“For the past 25 years that we’ve been married, there’s something I’ve been doing and will continue doing. I choose you again and again at the start and finish of every single day. No matter the season, no matter the year. I choose you to struggle and succeed with. To fight and make up with. To love and grow old with. I choose you to always be by my side.”
Carina’s vows to her are as perfect as the ones 25 years ago.
“25 years ago, I pledged my love and commitment to you, but it seems like only yesterday. I promised to love you, honor you, comfort and keep you. I pledged to be by your side in sickness and in health, in times of want and times of plenty, for better or worse, for the rest of our lives. We have had all of those things, and you have been by my side as we created a family, a home, and a life together. Today, at the beginning of our 26th year, I renew my vows to you, pledging my eternal love for you and eagerly awaiting what life may bring us.”
It feels like they are getting married for the first time, but this is more beautiful because their children are right there with them. Their grandchildren are smiling and eating all the cake they can get. Maya is not afraid of commitment, the future, and love. She has her beautiful wife and their beautiful family. That’s all she needs in this lifetime.
If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong. You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline.
“H-Have you started looking for therapists?” Carina asks Maya.
“I'm gonna go get cleaned up.” Andy tries to excuse herself but is surprised when Maya says no.
“No me, or no her?”
“I'm sorry I haven't done everything on your timeline, Carina. I'm living in my own personal hell. And my co-workers are now gossiping about me...”
“Actually, I fixed that...” Andy tries to say, but Maya continues her rant.
“And my boss hates me and treats me worse than I was treated as a probie. And now my wife can't have my back because she has suddenly decided that I am unstable. So, no, I haven't researched therapists because I've been kind of busy with all of that.”
Maya storms up the stairs, leaving Carina feeling hurt and dejected. Andy barely knows what to tell Carina and utters an apology and says she’ll call Jack. Carina leaves the station feeling like her marriage is falling apart as Maya is in her self-destructive mode.
If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself, and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful. Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.