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The dreams were always the same. Dark. Empty. A lingering fear that wasn't definable. Everything was dark. Silent.
Sometimes his friends were there, talking, looking, but not at him.
They were just looking in his direction, talking to the person standing in his place. They couldn't hear him sobbing, screaming, begging them to do something.
His cries were silent even to his own ears.
Then there was the cruel, all too familiar voice. It laughed at him, snickered at his pitiful attempts.
This is the Green Ninja? it gloated bitterly. This terrified kid is the savior of Ninjago? The destined one?
Pathetic.
At first, Lloyd might have cared, might have defended himself, might have protested. He honestly couldn't remember for sure.
All he remembered was what was left. The emptiness. The void his naivety and his hope used to fill, the last of it drained just as his freedom, his ability to do anything had been torn from his meager grasp.
Anything left of his inner child was dead now, suffocated by the soul that had invaded his body.
The dreams always ended the same, too, regardless of what had happened within their subconscious depths.
He'd claw his way to awareness, the darkness of the void replaced with the din light of his room, his silent screams replaced with a harsh gasp. He'd sit there for a few minutes, chest heaving, his heart pounding, trying to rein in the fear and panic.
Tonight was different. Tonight wasn't supposed to be different.
Because when he finally came awake from the suffocating darkness, he didn't bolt awake.
He was just… awake.
His breaths came short, but steady, his heart only quivering slightly.
And then he contemplated it.
He just lay there, numbly wondering when the fear and panic had become so routine that it wasn't surprising anymore. He was just as scared as before, but now, he anticipated it.
It should have horrified him. He knew that much, because whenever he imagined telling his friends -his family- all he could envision was the looks of helpless horror on their faces.
The fact that it didn't horrify him…
Well, it puzzled him.
And just like every other night he came awake from the empty nightmares, he knew he was getting no more sleep.
His bleary gaze traveled to the clock on his nightstand. A Starfarer clock with a minifigure of Fritz Donnegan standing on top, aiming a laser gun at some unknown enemy. A gift from Jay.
It was just after three in the morning.
Lloyd let out a slow breath before rolling out of bed.
He was sick of the dreams, tired (both literally and figuratively) of only snatching a few hours of sleep every night.
He was tired of feeling so hollow inside.
On his feet, Lloyd shrugged into a huge, baggy hoodie, relishing its enveloping warmth as he padded down the halls in his socked feet, his destination at this time in the morning always the same.
He just didn't expect anyone else to be in the kitchen.
Usually, he'd fix himself a mug of hot chocolate, just like Nya used to when he was little, and he'd slump at the table until the crack of dawn. Sometimes Zane would appear just as he was leaving to get dressed, the ice ninja giving him a gentle, sympathetic look before going back to his own morning routine of starting breakfast.
Never before had he gotten there and found someone else there. It was always empty, and he always spent the wee hours of morning in solitude.
And even if he did ever imagine a situation where, by chance, he did bump into someone, he never imagined it would be Kai.
But there Kai was, pouring himself a cup of steaming coffee, his back to Lloyd.
Lloyd really didn't want to have this conversation. Kai was bound to have questions.
Kai probably hadn't noticed him. Maybe he could slip away and camp out in his room-
"Want some coffee?"
The question was nothing more than a whisper, but it jerked Lloyd's attention back around. He watched blankly as Kai set the pot on the counter before turning to lean against it, holding his mug in one hand, his other arm tucked against his chest.
Lloyd blinked, his face twisting instinctively.
"Black?"
Kai gave a small huff, the corners of his mouth twitching.
"I can add sugar, if you want."
All Lloyd really wanted was something hot and sweet to drink. Coffee or cocoa, it didn't really make a difference so long as the requirements were met.
Lloyd hesitated.
But by entering the kitchen and accepting a cup of Kai's brew, he was pretty much obligating himself to answer any questions Kai might have. Would it be worth it?
Kai no doubt noticed his hesitation, but he said nothing, just watching him hover in the doorway, taking small sips from his mug. Lloyd could smell it from where he was. It smelled good, the scent of roasted beans and fresh brew moving something inside him, making his decision for him.
Lloyd shuffled his way in, hopping onto one of the stools at the counter. Kai turned to fix him a cup, adding liberal amounts of sugar, much to Lloyd's pleasure.
Wordlessly, Kai handed him the mug. Lloyd accepted it, enjoying the warmth the cup seeped into his frozen fingers.
Lloyd muttered a thank you, but his gaze was locked on the dark fluid within in mug, his mind swirling like a kaleidoscope. He wanted to mentally steel himself for Kai's questions, but all he could do was stare at the coffee, the darkness, enraptured by his reflection on the shadowed surface.
He never realized just how tired he looked, dark smudges under his eyes, a pale pallor to his cheeks. Even his green eyes looked dulled, but that could have just been his choice of reflective surface. That's what he was hoping, anyway.
"You know, my parents used to do this."
Lloyd blinked harshly, almost having to physically tear himself away from his reflection to glance up at Kai. The red ninja wasn't even looking at him, just leaning against the counter, staring off into space.
"They'd get up long before the sun would rise," he continued in a soft voice. "They'd both grab coffee and they'd just… sit there, at our dining table. Until dawn. Sipping coffee and hanging out." A faint smile ghosted across the fire ninja's face. "I used to get up super early, trying to see what they did. I was convinced they were doing something fun without me. I'd watch them for hours, hoping they'd do something exciting, but they never did. Only did that a couple times of course. The attention span of a toddler and all. Thing I figured is they knew I was there, somehow, so they never did anything fun when I was there."
Kai looked down into his mug for a moment before taking a long pull.
"I understand it now, though."
Lloyd glanced between Kai and the mug in his own hands. He knew Kai had lost his parents young, but the Smith siblings hardly ever talked about it. In fact, this is the first time Lloyd could remember hearing Kai talk about them. Everything he'd ever heard was from Nya. He'd just assumed Kai was too young to remember much, and all the stories they'd heard were from the person that had raised them.
He didn't want to ruin the moment, but at the same time, his tongue was loose from lack of sleep and his burning curiosity.
"Understand what?"
Kai glanced at him before looking back at his mug, swirling what was left of his coffee around and around the bottom.
"Sometimes, you need time alone, by yourself. The quiet stillness of morning hours are perfect for that."
And Lloyd knew that. He understood it, too.
"And other times, you still need that quiet. But being alone is the worst possible thing. You don't want to talk about it, but you need someone close. For… reassurance, I guess."
Lloyd blinked.
He'd never thought of that.
The monastery was always bustling with chatter and activity during the day. He'd always connected the thought of being in someone's company as being obligated to talk, or at least ready to.
He'd never considered just sitting together, quietly, relishing nothing more than the drink in his hands and the knowledge that someone, living and breathing and there for him if he needed it, was just within reach.
Being alone sucked. He already knew that. He hated being a burden or bothering someone. It always made him feel selfish. So even if he hadn't just realized how much he craved companionship, he'd never have acted upon it before.
This whole coincidence of meeting Kai? And then just hanging out?
He was incredibly grateful, but deep down, he knew he was only enjoying this for as long as it lasted for today.
It saddened him, sending something flickering painfully through his hollow being, because he knew there was nothing he could do about it.
He looked back up at Kai, a bittersweet smile plastered on his face.
"Thanks."
For the coffee, for the companionship, for the silence.
Kai just raised his mug in acknowledgement before draining the last of it and turning to pour himself a second cup.
/-/-/
Lloyd had been so, so sure that would only be a one time thing, Kai being there.
It wasn't.
For the next few days, Kai was there, waiting for him with a mug of sugared coffee at his place at the counter, freshly brewed and waiting.
Lloyd was suspicious, sure, but his relief that someone was waiting for him, that he didn't have to face the darkness alone, greatly outweighed the negative feelings.
They'd sit in silence until the sun rose and it was time to start their days and then they'd go their separate ways.
Kai never asked why Lloyd was up so early every morning, and he never mentioned it during the day.
But just knowing Kai would be there in case Lloyd needed him made it easier and easier for Lloyd to go to bed without fearing the void.
Slowly, the nightmares faded, his sleep schedule regulated.
He didn't feel as hollow anymore.
And if anyone commented on how weird it was that he was addicted to coffee now, playfully warring with Kai over the coffee pot every morning, then, hey, maybe it's been a long time coming.
Black coffee will always be barbaric, but sugared black coffee would always take Lloyd back to early morning hours spent next to his best friend, his self-proclaimed protector.
It was a good feeling.