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“Mayday! Mayday! We’re in a tailspin! I can’t regain control!”
Maverick’s heart leapt into his throat as he leaned over the control panel, hands shaking so terribly that he almost couldn’t push the headphones off from his head. They clattered onto the table in front of him, yet he could still hear Ice’s frantic screaming from the radio.
“We’re going down! Eject! Eject, Slider!”
Maverick’s eyes filled with tears while he froze, entire body going rigid and unable to move, despite his best attempts to shake off that terror.
‘Goose, we need to eject! Pull the lever! Eject! Eject!’
Maverick gasped as he leaned forward, forehead almost touching the control panel in front of him. He took the radio in trembling hands and brought one side up to his ear, needing to hear Ice’s voice no matter how scared it was. Maverick longed to be able to say something, anything, but he couldn’t even make sounds.
Suddenly, the comms went silent and Maverick heard other people in the control tower rushing to find out the fate of Iceman and his RIO, Slider. Maverick knew that he should join in, send a rescue party and EVAC, yet he was unable to think clearly in any capacity.
When he could no longer take it, Maverick practically threw the headphones aside and stood up, the chair behind him scraping on the floor. He turned on his heels and rushed out, unwilling to turn back even when he heard his CO calling his name. There was just too many memories, too much pain for him to be around that at the moment. He wasn’t even sure knowing if Ice and Slider were alive would make things better for him right now.
Maverick felt his legs taking him somewhere, but he wasn’t even sure where. It was as though they were working just on muscle memory alone, and all he could do was let them steer him somewhere that would bring him comfort.
He didn’t even realize he was outside the infirmary until he braced his arms forward and shoved the doors open. The doors snapped against the opposite walls, jolting everyone attention in the infirmary to stare at the now hyperventilating Maverick.
“Can I help you, Lt,” a nurse questioned, the tip of a pen tapping on a clipboard he carried.
Maverick’s head swiveled from side to side until he caught sight of a familiar face toward the back, who was labeling vials of blood work meticulously. His head immediately snapped up and he pulled the gloves off of his hands before heading toward Maverick.
“Savant,” Maverick called as though he couldn’t see Savant already walking toward him.
Savant was quick to swoop forward before Maverick could scream again, and risk making an even bigger scene that Savant would have to report to mental heath services. There had been numerous pilots that had been grounded after similar mental breakdowns, and Savant wanted to do everything in his power not to let that be Maverick, so long as he was still stable and this was a one time occurrence.
“What’s going on, Mav,” Savant questioned as he came over and grasped Maverick’s wrists to stop Maverick from shaking his hands furiously.
“They crashed. T-They crashed!” Maverick’s voice rose and Savant turned to hear a few worried murmurs from behind him.
Knowing how quickly gossip traveled through med bay, Savant pulled Maverick out of the infirmary and steered him toward one of the office rooms beside the infirmary, locking the door behind him as he flicked the light on and released Maverick’s wrist, allowing him the space to do what he needed to do.
Maverick began to pace around the room, hands shaking up by his ears. “I heard their distress call. They were in a tailspin, just like what happened with Goose! I heard them try to eject and....” Maverick dropped to his knees and let out a strangled sob. “Goose!”
Savant shook his head to clear it, feeling like he had gotten whiplash from Maverick’s explanation. Luckily, he was used to deciphering Maverick’s ramblings and didn’t hesitate to crouch down beside him, legs howling in protest.
“Maverick, you need to look at me,” Savant encouraged as he took Maverick’s hands in his own and began to press ever so slightly on the pressure points in the middle of his palm.
Maverick finally gave in and tipped his head up, jaw gaped open. “What if they’re dead?”
“They’re not dead,” Savant reassured. “If they were, I would’ve gotten the call by now, or someone in the infirmary would have. I can assure that they’re not dead.”
Maverick shook his head in disbelief. “No, no, he’s gone. He’s dead! We crashed and Goose died!”
Savant’s head bowed forward just as Maverick ripped his hands from his grasp. Savant watched as Maverick rose to his feet and continued to pace around the room before stopping at the wall and gave it a harsh kick. Ordinarily, Savant would scold Maverick for hurting himself, but right now he was certain that would be the wrong call.
“Yes, Goose died,” Savant murmured in agreement as he straightened, hands shoved into his lab coat. “And that was beyond a tragedy and I can only guess what you’re feeling. But, Ice and Slider aren’t; they are being rescued by EVAC as we speak. They had a successful eject. Everyone involved is okay.”
“No!” Maverick turned on Savant and rushed forward, causing the medic to jump back so Maverick couldn’t lay his hands on him. “He’s gone and it’s all my fault.”
“Goose wasn’t your fault. It was an accident....a horrible accident. But, Ice and Slider are alright. Maverick, are you hearing me,” Savant continued, watching how Maverick appeared to be doing anything besides listening.
Maverick let out another sharp screech and ran full force into the nearest wall.
The force of it had him stumbling back with Savant quickly intercepting him before he could do it again. He stood firm even as Maverick sized him up, though the shorter man would be no match in any sort of scuffle to the much taller man.
Although Savant would’ve thought that much was obvious, it didn’t stop Maverick from taking a swing at him.
Savant expertly got out of the way before wrapping his arms around Maverick before he could try again. Maverick fought him momentarily, legs kicking back and arms desperately trying to break free.
“Mav....Maverick—you have to calm down.” Savant grunted as Maverick’s increased weight had him dropping to the ground, but he kept his arms tightly around him. He held the pilot close, arms pulled into an X against his chest. Savant’s own leg reached around to hold Maverick’s outstretched one against the ground, panting with the effort that it took to avoid Maverick’s sudden movements of his head coming back in an attempt to smash Savant’s nose.
“I can’t let you go until you’re calm so you won’t hurt yourself ,” Savant announced surely, voice rumbling. “Once you’re calm, then I’ll let you go, but until then we’re going to stay here, okay? Everything is alright. You’re okay, Ice is okay, Slider is okay....everyone is okay. It was an accident, but everyone is safe.”
Maverick gave one final arch of his back before going limp in Savant’s grasp, chest heaving with each breath. “Ice,” he whimpered so softly that Savant barely heard.
“He’s fine,” Savant repeated. “Knowing him, he’ll be back on base within the hour so long as EVAC doesn’t take their time.”
Maverick still didn’t seem convinced as he gingerly pulled his arms away from his chest. Savant pondered it only for a moment before releasing his hands, making a deal with himself that if Maverick showed anymore sighs of being a danger to himself that the would have to stop him once again.
“I could only hear Goose’s voice in my head,” Maverick confessed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
Savant nodded in understanding. “His death was devastating. It’s no wonder that when faced with something similar that your mind would take you back there. It’s a common trauma response.”
Maverick’s eyes narrowed as he pointed an accusing finger in Savant’s direction. “Don’t shrink me. I don’t need you in my head!”
Savant lifted his hands in defeat, remaining calm as ever. “I didn’t mean to upset your further. I know it always pisses me off when someone tries to say the same to me. I was merely making an observation.”
“You mean about Thunder?”
Savant took in a deep breath and sighed. “Yeah....about Thunder.”
Maverick dropped it, knowing that Savant wouldn’t be able to talk about this for long. Instead, he shifted down on the floor beside Savant, still breathing heavy. “Do you think we can just stay here for a little bit? Just until Ice is back?”
“Sure, Mav. I think that we can do that.” Savant reached into his pocket for his pager and sent a quick message before sitting back with Maverick while his mind wandered.
Maverick wiped his face with the back of his hand before noticing that Savant seemed slightly out of it. He stole a glance at the former aviator beside him and frowned. “Do you want to tell me something about him?”
“Huh?” Savant turned his head to the side sharply, regarding Maverick through almost narrowed eyes.
“Thunder. I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just don’t think that anyone has given you the opportunity to talk about him lately. It’s like they’ve forgotten about him,” Maverick continued with his eyes drifting closed, almost worried for Savant’s response.
“What do you want to know?”
Maverick worked his hands together. “Tell me something no one else knows about him.”
Swallowing thickly, Savant lifted a hand to rub at his eyes. “Before every deployment, he would take flowers to my mother’s grave and tell her stories about us and how happy I made him. He even was able to talk to one of the caretakers at the cemetery and persuade them to give him a small piece of the marble from her headstone so he could turn it into a ring he wanted to make to propose. At least that’s what one of the caretakers told me the first time I went there without him.”
Maverick felt his own heart clench in his chest just hearing what Savant had gone through. He had known it was difficult for him, but hadn’t known it was quite this bad.
“I’m so sorry, Sav,” Maverick whispered.
“Don’t wait.”
Maverick blinked his eyes deliberately. “What?”
“Don’t wait,” Savant repeated firmly. “I know how you look at Ice, and I know how he looks at you. Coming from someone who wished they would’ve acted sooner to have the person that they loved still with them; don’t wait until it’s too late.”
Maverick’s mouth went dry when he took in what Savant was saying. It was something he thought about often, but he was never bold enough to try.
The two continued to sit in silence; one who felt their life was nearly over, and another who was realizing that life was just beginning.