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The sun was scorching hot, the sand under his toes equally warm and prickly, and Kang Taehyun wished he was back in his bedroom at home. Surely there were better things to do in the summer than visit a beach, right? The three-hour drive didn’t feel at all worth it as the blond found himself standing awkwardly to the side as Soobin finished setting up an oversized umbrella for all of them to lie under. He would have helped, but the sweat that rolled off his skin made his shirt stick uncomfortably around him, and moving didn’t make anything better.
Next to him, Kai had long since stripped himself of his own t-shirt, ready to get sunburnt.
Taehyun didn’t understand his excitement.
“Thanks for the help,” Soobin said with a huff after setting the umbrella.
The younger boy gave him a thumbs up, schooling his expression to look absolutely dead and neutral, “Good job, can we go home now?”
Quick on his feet, Taehyun deftly moved to the side to avoid the end of the towel he knew Soobin would be whipping toward his legs, breaking out into a grin as he couldn’t keep his face stoic for too long. Meanwhile, kneeling on the sand, Kai was busy setting up large towels for all of them so he could finally set his stuff down and head into the water. Again, Taehyun wished he could understand the other’s enthusiasm for being at the beach, but he just can’t wrap his head around anything that could make the trip fun. Frankly, the sun and sand weren’t even the worst part.
Upon seeing Kai get ready, Soobin quickly abandoned his goal of hitting Taehyun in favour of shucking his own shirt off and sitting on the towel right next to the dark-haired boy. If he had a tail, it would probably be wagging, Taehyun thought to himself. With a sickly sweet grin on his face, Soobin spoke, “Hyuka, could you apply sunscreen on my back?” and not even a second later, Kai beamed at him with a smile equally dripping with honey. He nodded his head in quick, jerky movements, “Of course. Just let me get the bottle out of the bag first.”
Something unpleasant churned in the pit of Taehyun’s stomach as he made himself look away.
The worst part about a beach trip wasn’t the salty water and the sweat rolling off his forehead. No, it was the way Taehyun had to spend the whole day watching his two best friends make lovesick faces at each other. The two weren’t dating—maybe not yet, Taehyun often told himself, since they would tell him if they did (right?)—but anybody with eyes and a working brain could tell that’s where things were headed. However, the discomfort he felt wasn’t because he didn’t want to see his friends happy. It wasn’t even because he disapproved of their budding romance. Rather, he was envious.
See, he was pretty sure he had a crush on Choi Soobin.
And Huening Kai.
His feelings for them were inevitable; Taehyun had always been a soft, sensitive boy with a heart made of feathers and fluff, and he always knew he liked boys more than girls, and also that he compared everybody to his two best friends and nobody ever came close. Maybe it was a proximity thing since he never really hung out with anybody else the same way, never really tried to get to know other people at all. He always figured it would be the three of them fighting crime forever. Until he was wrong about it. Kai’s sugar and spice and Soobin was everything nice — suddenly, Taehyun was no longer sure where he fit in that equation.
“Taehyun,” Kai’s gentle tone called out to him, bringing his thoughts back to the present, “Aren’t you going to apply sunscreen, too? I can do it for you.”
Actually, he wasn’t planning on getting in the water and further under the sun at all, but Soobin had stood up and grabbed his hand, tugging him downward. Taehyun was unable to resist, as always. Next thing he knew, his shirt was also discarded on the towel he was sitting on. He faced away from Kai and towards the sea, eyes squinting a little at the bright horizon and the sunlight reflecting off the waves and even the white sand. The sight was pretty, he could give it that. He contemplated actually swimming a bit, but all his thoughts flew out the moment he felt something icy cool touch his back.
He shivered involuntarily and heard Kai chuckle behind him.
"Is the sunscreen too cold? Sorry," the other apologized, somehow managing to sound completely unapologetic. Despite facing the other way, Taehyun could imagine the grin on Kai's face, except he could picture more of a smirk instead, where just one corner of his lips curved upwards and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. It should have annoyed Taehyun—maybe it would have, a few years back, when he wasn't so gone for his best friend—but the mental image made him squirm uncomfortably instead and not because of the chill, this time.
A beat later, he felt Kai's hands begin to rub his back, the warmth balancing the temperature from earlier and turning his brain a lukewarm mush. There was extra pressure given on his shoulders and Taehyun felt like he could melt.
Until the same biting cold ran down his spine again, making him yelp in surprise.
"You're doing this on purpose," Taehyun stated the obvious, twisting around so he could see the smirk for himself. He wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not until he was staring at Kai's face, a bit too close for comfort, but also strangely far away. Sure enough, he had that glint in his eyes that meant the other boy had been right about his accusations, but the smirk was more like a full-blown grin. Boxy and pretty with straight, shiny teeth. Taehyun took a bit too long looking away, "Can we just get this over with? Didn't you want to swim the moment we got here?"
He received a soft hum from Kai in response and thought that was the end of it, but then he heard Soobin shift closer to him and say, "I told you to warm it up in your palms first."
"Here, you do it then, since you're the expert."
The older boy scoffed at the implications that also didn't go over Taehyun's head, "Okay, move."
Before Taehyun could fully process what was happening, the weight of Kai's hand lazily rubbing circles on his lower back was gone. Sometimes, he wasn't sure what to think about the two, who could go from making heart eyes to squabbling in a matter of seconds. That afternoon was no different, but it did give Taehyun some sort of comfort to know their dynamic as friends had little to no changes, even with him still included in the mix. As long as he didn't think too hard about it. Most of the time, it made the fact that they were dating easier to ignore.
Unfortunately, he couldn't ignore the way Soobin's large hands were now on his back, a touch like fire.
"See," Soobin said right next to his ear, voice low as he chuckled, "Isn't this better, Taehyun?"
Granted, the lack of shock factor from the cold was nice, but given how warm their surroundings were, to begin with, Soobin's palms felt like they burned wherever they touched — down the length of his back, across his shoulders, and dangerously low as they swept right above the waistband of his swimming trunks. Taehyun found it hard to agree if it was better, but he did know he wanted to get out of that situation fast. Especially because Kai had moved from behind him to right in front, still not heading for the sea, but instead just standing there. Staring.
Taehyun realized it must have been because the other's boyfriend (or something) was now rubbing down his arms, painstakingly slow. He didn't want to cause any trouble.
Another thing he hated thinking about was that he didn't know where to place himself anymore with the two dating each other. It sucked being the third wheel in a friend group, and it sucked even more so when he was about to become the third wheel in a literal sense once things were official. It was going to be—Taehyun could feel it—so it was just a matter of when. Even though he was still being included in their activities, for now, it was only a matter of time before he would start being left out. He would like to remain friends with them without making things awkward.
"I think my back is fine now," Taehyun said quickly, turning around so he could pluck the bottle of sunscreen from Soobin's loose grip. He could still feel Kai's stare on him, but he tried not to think too hard about it when he glanced up at his friend. It was difficult to see the other's expression for sure since the sunlight behind his head was blinding, but Taehyun persisted. "You guys can head to the water first. I'll finish up," he added, hoping the smile on his face was natural as he looked away to focus on spreading the sunscreen across the front of his body and the rest of his arms.
"It's the three of us here for a reason," Soobin was the one who answered instead, coming up from behind to sit next to Taehyun on the towel, "We can wait. Right, Kai?"
Kai hopped two spaces over and knelt next to Soobin, "Yeah, of course."
Sometimes, their dynamic still felt the same, and Taehyun could ignore most of his worries. After all, Soobin would invite him out to eat late-night snacks together and Kai would purposefully save up quarters so they could go to the coin karaoke place near their dorm. The other two were careful to include Taehyun in most of their conversations except for the ones where they would playfully flirt with each other — the word playfully was used loosely because it always felt serious and left Taehyun wishing he could evaporate into thin air and return when it was all over.
He hurriedly finished lathering himself up.
By the time he finished, the water actually looked pretty inviting, glistening in the distance.
Taehyun figured it would be better to join rather than stare wistfully from afar. There was too much angst involved in that option and he'd rather enjoy his trip since he was already there. A beach trip was meant to be filled with fun. He could turn a blind eye to what was happening around him—it's already been that way for the last two months, at least—and focus on figuring out how to get as little sand stuck on his body as possible. Kai was already running towards the water with Soobin following behind him at a more leisurely pace.
Even further back, Taehyun took light and careful steps across the warm sand.
"Ouch," he muttered, flinching at the prickly feeling that he hated so much, "Ouch, ouch, ouch."
The blond didn't notice when Soobin had stopped to wait for him until the older spoke, "Are you okay?"
"Physically, mentally, or emotionally?" Taehyun quipped, hopping on one foot toward the other before realizing that just made things worse because it placed too much pressure on one foot, digging it further into the sand. When he received a withering look from Soobin, he realized the taller boy was genuinely concerned and sighed, "I'm fine, it's my fault I only brought sneakers to this trip instead of slippers." A careless mistake since he was distracted by Kai lounging in their shared dorm room and talking about a new anime he was watching to pay attention to what he was packing.
Soobin grinned, "Do you want me to carry you?"
It wouldn't be the first time — hell, it wouldn't even be the second or the third, but Taehyun felt his entire body freeze before he caught himself and coughed awkwardly.
"No, I'm fi—"
His words were interrupted by a loud yelp escaping his lips, high-pitched and entirely too embarrassing; Choi Soobin always did whatever he wanted, after all. Taehyun could feel strong arms support the back of his knees and across his shoulders, briefly making his head spin before he was lifted up easily. The relief on his soles was immediate, but it was followed by searing warmth everywhere Soobin touched him. Taehyun didn't want to overthink what was happening. Frankly, he didn't want to think at all. He resisted the natural urge to wrap his arms around Soobin's neck and instead stayed very, very still.
"See," the older boy said with a laugh, "This is much better. We can get to Kai faster, too."
"Just don't throw me into the water," Taehyun said weakly.
He knew Soobin wouldn't, but it was worth the precaution. Especially when they neared Kai and the latter had the same grin of mischief on his face from earlier (one that Taehyun was familiar with and unfortunately found attractive.) Kai's dark hair was getting longer and it was a stark contrast against his skin and the sunlight beaming down at him. Taehyun wanted to look away, but he wasn't sure where to look with Soobin's face as his only other option. Maybe he should just stare directly at the sun and get things over with. He was still being carried by the time Kai's face came into closer view.
Huening Kai smiled down at him, "Do you hate the beach that much?"
"You guys know the answer to that," Taehyun said, flailing around until Soobin got the hint and let him down gently, into the cool water. He didn't know whether dry, warm sand was worse or mushy, cold sand that went in between all of his toes.
The longer he stood in the sea, the more the answer felt like the latter.
"Well," Kai began, "We're happy you're here regardless."
Perhaps Taehyun should have focused on what was being said rather than how it was said, but his brain immediately latched onto the easy way Kai spoke for both him and Soobin, the way it felt natural for the two to become one. He's sure it's been done multiple times before — he's probably even done it himself when referring to him and someone else, even him with either Soobin or Kai as well, but the phrasing still made his insides feel funny. He squashed the feeling down as quickly as it came. He was happy to be around, too, despite how conflicted his heart and head were being. Especially when the swimming finally began.
The problem was that he can't help but admit that Soobin and Kai looked good together. They were roughly the same height and so took up a lot of Taehyun's attention without the need to try too hard. Kai's body wasn't as sculpted as Soobin's but he made up for it by the sheer width of his shoulders and chest, along with the pointed lines of his face instead, carved in just the right places. Meanwhile, Soobin didn't even need to try too hard to get anybody's attention. The difference between his softer-looking face and his rock-hard abs made Taehyun feel like he was living in some sort of simulation meant to drive him crazy.
When did it even start? Taehyun was no longer sure. He waded in the water, lost in thought while the other two splashed at each other, Kai yelling loudly.
Probably with Choi Soobin. Something about the older boy and his smile, the way he took care of Taehyun and doted on him while still accepting every snarky quip Taehyun threw his way with an easy laugh. He remembered considering telling Kai about it, too. They were all friends, but Kai was his best friend before Soobin even entered the picture. In the end, he never did. He was glad for it now especially because Kai clearly didn't say anything about his own feelings for the other either. Taehyun didn't need to know to be sure. He knew Kai well enough.
Kai's smile was bright and beautiful when he screamed, swimming away from Soobin who tried to climb onto his back.
"Get back here," Soobin was yelling with equal gusto, "You can barely run quickly even on land."
"Never!" The younger continued, inching further away with wide arm movements.
They were cute, Taehyun sulked, staring down at his feet that were just barely visible underneath the blue-green waters. He even liked seeing them together, most of the time. It was like rooting for his favourite characters to get together; he can't help but be happy for them even if it made him feel all sorts of left out and complicated because he wanted to be a part of it. Maybe he also just wished they would tell him already so he didn't have to pretend to be interested in the tiny fishes that swam around him just to ignore their blatant play-flirting. The fishes were grey and didn't look interesting whatsoever.
He was distracted from his attempts at distracting himself by Kai swimming right at him.
"Taehyun, save me," Kai giggled, hiding all of himself behind his friend, which meant he wasn't hiding much at all. Also as if Soobin didn't see him waddle across the water? The older was smiling fondly as he approached as well.
"I've got you," Taehyun said with mocking sincerity, spreading his arms wide to appear bigger, "But I'm afraid it's over for us both in about 17 seconds."
Sure enough, it took Soobin even less time since he just needed to take one big step and he was suddenly standing right in front of Taehyun, eyes smiling along with his lips. The scene made Taehyun's heart stutter in his chest especially when he felt rather than saw the way Kai went from crouching behind him to standing at full height. He still had his arms outstretched, which made it all too easy for Kai to wrap his long arms around Taehyun's torso, pressing his chest against the other's back. Taehyun should have been used to the contact with the other boy, but he still found his brain short-circuiting.
If the reason he liked Soobin was subtle and soft around the edges, it was the complete opposite with Kai. His presence was one Taehyun was used to having around, for the most part. Loud and energetic, addictive in a way, the type that's hard to ignore. That was exactly what happened — Kai just got harder and harder to ignore. Almost as if he knew Soobin was creeping around in Taehyun's mind, found it offensive, and demanded the other's attention back. Needless to say, it worked. Now they both shared that space and drove Taehyun mad.
"It's two against one, Soobin!" Kai said viciously, leaning his cheek against the shorter boy's head.
Soobin scoffed, "You look more like you're holding Taehyun hostage, Hyuka."
The hostage (because he agreed, in more ways than one) still had his arms up, conflicted. It wouldn't be hard to just put them down, but that would mean his arms would touch Kai's, and Taehyun wanted to avoid more skin-on-skin contact if he could. Everywhere their skin touched already felt like it was burning and it wasn't because of the weather. Still, despite being used to lifting weights, Taehyun could feel the soreness build up with each passing second. He was nothing if not stubborn though, so he held his ground, even managed to stare Soobin in the eye.
"I think we can take you on," Taehyun said, playing along and praying the blush on his face can be blamed on the sun.
"Really?" Soobin asked, grin turning wicked, and suddenly the younger realized he made a mistake.
Especially when Soobin took one step closer and placed his hands on Taehyun's hips, right below where Kai's arms were looped around. Despite his lower half being submerged in the cool sea waters, it did nothing to temper the heat. It also managed to shock Taehyun to the point of drawing his arms back down, tempted to break free from both his friends, but it was hard. One step backwards and it was just a wall of Huening Kai, one step forward and it was all Soobin. He couldn't move sideways because he was essentially trapped. All he could do was place his hands on top of Kai's by reflex.
"If I hold you while you jump, I think you can kick him in the face," Kai's sugary-sweet voice said right next to his ear.
"Can we not resort to violence all the time?" Soobin asked, genuinely offended that time, but he still had yet to let go of Taehyun's hips. The latter was beginning to wonder why that was so and how he got in that position, to begin with.
Sometimes, he wondered if the two were just being nice whenever they still invited him out or involved him in things that he clearly shouldn't be involved in. Such as when Soobin needed to buy a new outfit for one of his class presentations and whined until both Kai and Taehyun agreed to fit into the small fitting room with him. Another time was Kai's birthday the previous year, around the start of Taehyun's feelings for him and his realization that the other two must have been dating; it's been a while since, but he could still remember the fancy restaurant Kai chose to treat them in and the taste of the sashimi.
The worst one of all was probably just a few months ago, when Soobin insisted on spending Valentine's Day in the younger boy's dorm, snuggled up with both Kai and Taehyun on the dingy secondhand sofa in the middle of the apartment. Huening Kai was seated in the middle—as if to block Taehyun from really sitting next to his boyfriend (that's what he thought, anyway)—with the popcorn bowl on his lap. Not that it mattered much because he had one hand holding Soobin's and another holding Taehyun's. Soobin hand-fed him the popcorn instead, while Taehyun pretended the movie was the most interesting thing he's seen in his life.
Taehyun had insisted he could be left alone in the dorm that day, but they both looked at him like he had grown a second and third and fourth head, which shut him up.
Sure, he was thankful — his friends were always going to be there for him to make him feel loved and less lonely, but Taehyun also wondered when it was going to end. Sooner or later, the two will have to pack their bags and move on with being an actual couple, right? He waited with bated breath each day, wondering if it would be the day Kai would crawl to his side of their shared bedroom with nervous eyes, or maybe Soobin would just casually drop a line or two during one of their video call sessions and call it a day. He even practiced his reaction in the mirror a few times.
Each day, he just grew antsier and antsier, and Taehyun knew he was bound to break eventually.
He just didn't expect it to happen in the middle of the sea, while he was sandwiched between the two.
"Kai," Taehyun began, feeling his throat threatening to close up with every word, "I really don't think it's a good idea for me to give your boyfriend a broken nose."
Better sooner than later, right? It was about time he moved on from them, anyway. He's thought about it before. A part of him knew it was just them being polite, but hiding their relationship must have been a hassle of its own. Even with the blatant flirting, Taehyun just wanted to know for sure that the two were taken; he needed to hear with his own two ears what his sad heart already knew. It was bad enough that he crushed on them both, but the upside to that was that he could move on from both at the same time, too. He liked to think positive about it, anyway. He expected Kai to let him go so a serious conversation could happen.
Instead, he received an airy chuckle still too close to his ear, "Good thing he's your boyfriend, too. I don't think Soobin cares what you do to him, but I don't think I can get away with it the same way."
"If you kick me, will you also kiss me better?" Soobin added a beat later, a smile of his own gracing his face as he stared down at the younger. He looked expectant, waiting for Taehyun to say something, but when the other remained silent the smile faded into a look of worry. "Taehyun?" He asked, releasing his hold on the other's hips so he could wave one hand in front of the younger's face and wide, unblinking eyes, "Earth to Tyun, are you still with us? Sorry, I think that was too forward—"
"Did we break him?" Kai did let go at that, only so he could stand in front of Taehyun properly. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry, "Taehyun, was that too much? We can tone it down until you're ready."
The worried look on Soobin's face turned guilty, "I thought it'll be fine since it was the first time he acknowledged our relationship, I guess I got too excited."
Standing still with the sand still uncomfortably swishing in between his toes, Taehyun found that he cared little about being on the beach when he had more pressing problems at hand. At that moment, he felt like transforming into driftwood and allowing the waves to carry him far from the shore. Dramatic, but maybe if he tried really hard, it could happen. Should he just lie down on the surface of the sea and hope that happens? The logical part of his brain—whatever was left of it—said he would likely end up swallowing a mouthful of saltwater instead.
Gathering all his energy, Taehyun glanced back and forth between the two and cleared his throat.
"When you said our relationship," he began tentatively, feeling himself grow smaller with each word, but he had to power onward, "Do you mean our as in—" Taehyun pointed at Soobin before flicking his finger towards Kai, then back to Soobin. "—or did you mean, our as in—" With the same finger, he did a circular motion in the space between them, hand a little shaky as he did so that it looked more like a wibbly-wobbly shape, but the point was the same. With the straightest face he could muster for arguably the gayest moment of his life, Taehyun managed to maintain eye contact with Soobin.
The older boy blinked, before repeating the circular motion with better control, "This, obviously."
"Obviously?" Taehyun squeaked.
Kang Taehyun prided himself on being smart. After all, he caught onto Kai and Soobin's feelings for each other pretty easily, right? He could see the signs from a mile away. He's got the equation all figured out in his head. Too bad he didn't factor himself in. So, Taehyun felt really stupid standing under the sun with his mouth agape, the pieces finally falling into place with a loud click-clack sound in his own brain. Especially when Kai was staring at him, clearly confused for a second or two, before realization dawned on his face and made him grab the shorter boy's shoulders (gently, of course).
His roommate's tone was alarmed, "Did we misinterpret things? Have we been making you uncomfortable?"
"Uncomfortable?" Taehyun parroted again, brain still warming up.
"If you don't feel the same way for us, then we don't want to force you into anything," Kai said, mouth set in a thin line.
The universe must have been playing tricks on him. Either that or the afternoon sun was getting to his head because there was no way Taehyun was experiencing reality. Still, he knew it must have been real life only because he could feel the pressure and warmth of Kai's hold on his shoulders, a weight that was familiar to him in a way that made his heart ache in a good way. Next to Kai, Soobin was quiet, but he was rubbing the back of his neck — a nervous gesture Taehyun once pointed out. How could he not feel anything for both of the boys standing so earnestly in front of him?
"I thought the two of you were dating," Taehyun began. He licked his lips and regretted it immediately as the taste of saltwater offended his senses.
Kai tilted his head to one side, "It's a little complicated, but yeah, sure."
"Like, without me in the picture."
"How could you not be in the picture?" Kai asked, genuinely confused as he placed his arms down so he could take a step closer. He smiled beatifically, "If anything, you're the heart and soul of this whole relationship. Soobin and I fell for you first, you know."
He did not know. Taehyun wished he did, but the truth was that he didn't, but maybe that was on him. The blond listened as Soobin finally spoke to explain what had happened, the long and short of it. Kai could tell the moment Soobin met them both that he found Taehyun cute, which in turn made Kai realize his jealousy was because he liked his best friend, which turned into a whole mess of sorts where he actively tried to hoard Taehyun to himself until Soobin successfully melded himself into their friendship and Kai found himself falling for the older, too. He was quick to confront Soobin about it, who admitted the same feelings for both younger boys, in turn.
"Nobody thought to bring me into the conversation?" Taehyun asked incredulously.
"You're smart," Soobin said sheepishly, "We really thought you caught on and that you were okay with it"
"After all, we spent Valentine's day together, didn't we?" Kai brought up, before mentioning all the other signs that the other boy just happened to miss — the couple items, the dates, the generous amount of skinship, and especially the flirting. He described, in great detail, how often Taehyun would cling to Soobin's arm or how he would randomly hug Kai's waist to playfully wrestle with him and they, in turn, initiated a lot of the hugs and hand-holding, too. In the midst of his explanation, Taehyun was only just then realizing all the things he noticed about his friends dating each other applied to him as well.
If only he wasn't too busy being sad and dramatic over it, maybe he would have noticed.
Instead, he crossed his arms across his chest and huffed, feeling his ears burn both from the sun and from embarrassment, "Communication is key in a relationship."
Kai grinned as he approached, inching closer until he was behind Taehyun again. His arms snaked around the latter's waist just like how it had been before their whole conversation even happened, a pleased hum escaping his lips, "Alright, Tyun, we'll take note of that. Does that mean you're okay with being in a relationship with us, then?" He ended his question by leaning forward and resting his chin on the other's shoulder, nose brushing against a spot on Taehyun's neck that made the blond shiver. Across them, Soobin also waded closer till he was merely inches away. He also looked more comfortable than earlier.
"I guess I can make it work," Taehyun mumbled, but failed to keep a straight face for too long as a giggle escaped his lips when Kai hugged him tighter in retaliation.
"Don't be so cruel," Kai whined.
He smiled brightly for what was probably the first time since the trip began, heart light and free of the angst he carried for so long, "Fine, I think we can make it work, actually."
"Good," Soobin said, leaning down so he could kiss the other's cheek before shifting to the other side so he could kiss the top of Kai's head. He was also smiling widely, "Great."
The sun was scorching hot, the saltwater stung his eyes, and the sand under his toes wet and uncomfortably soft. There must have been a stone or two poking at the sole of his feet as well, rough and hard around the edges and only just reaching the point where it would be painful if he stood in place for too long. Uninteresting grey fishes swam around his legs, weaving their way around his knees. Surely there were better things to do in the summer than visiting a beach. Still, Kang Taehyun couldn't imagine himself anywhere else. The three-hour drive was definitely worth it.